What are the top features that make you consider someone a friend?

[Sneezyone]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

No, it’s definitely not my cuppa. If anyone stays at my house, I feel like I can’t just go about my business. 

It works for us. We’ve been on opposite coasts and in opposite time zones for over 15 years so we try to maximize our togetherness opportunities. When my kids were little and we lived in AR/she in DC, they used to accidentally call her ‘Mom’. Our mutual friends are super close, even those who live overseas, but not that close. 🥰 It’s a beautiful thing.

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, sassenach said:

Low maintenance encompasses a lot of features that are super important to me. The ability to not take my schedule limitations personally, to enjoy the slivers of time that we get, to have a balance in our conversations (not all about you, not all about me), to not be easily hurt, no drama. 

Oh, I hear you on that. I had a friend who did that - always about her. Always one-upping everyone else, always more knowledgeable about any topic, always has arrived at the correct conclusion and, once you listen to her expound on her beliefs, you will surely change your mind too. It was so damn exhausting.
 

If I read a book, she read it in the original French. If I bought a new car, she bought one too but hers is electric, so better for the environment. If I went to Paris, she went there five times. Oh, and she photographed the Eiffel Tower during twilight and it won first prize at an art show. 🙄

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

It works for us. We’ve been on opposite coasts and in opposite time zones for over 15 years so we try to maximize our togetherness opportunities. When my kids were little and we lived in AR/she in DC, they used to accidentally call her ‘Mom’. Our mutual friends are super close, even those who live overseas, but not that close. 🥰 It’s a beautiful thing.

It certainly does sound magical. 💜

[Sneezyone]

FTR, I do feel bad for those who lack these kinds of non-spousal relationships. When I was depressed about not working/having my own money/being a FT parent friends were there for me and now I’m there for them. Bestie is unique and I wouldn’t impose on everyone in the same way. Having a person, besides DH, that you know would step in to guide your kids the same way you would no matter what?! It’s immeasurably comforting. It took over 15 years for us to develop our relationship to  that point. She predates my DH by only 2 years. It’s a blessing. Our other really good friends are great but when I think of friendship, bestie is it. When I die, y’all can tell her I said so.

Edited July 21, 2022 by Sneezyone

[KrissiK]

4 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

We connect on a deeper level.  We don't agree on every single thing but we do agree on those things that we share as priorities. 

They are dependable.

They are loyal.

They are honest.

Things that don't matter to me in my very close relationships (some of which have gone for over 40 years):  how often we see each other or communicate (though we do try to connect at least a few times a year or more).  What matters more is that when we do connect, it's like no time has passed at all. 

This. Especially the last part. I don’t have to apologize for being busy, and my friend doesn’t either. We connect when we can and the connection is deep.

[Katy]

49 minutes ago, Quill said:

Is it though? I have been thinking about this and I think some of the “love languages” things are a reflection of maturity and emotional development. Like, a person with some emotional development issues might think they are a “gifts” person. So they shower you with gifts because they want you to shower them with gifts back. And when you don’t, they get all butt-hurt. 

You’re not describing gifts as a love language. You’re describing a toxic, manipulative person. I love gifts but I’m more touched by a thing that costs $2 that you grabbed because for whatever reason you thought of me than I am $500 of junk designed to dazzle. 
 

Real gifts I’ve loved: 

-When I was allergic to wheat one friend went out of her way to make at least 3 gluten free desserts if she knew I was coming to a party.  

-She also knitted a hat in one kid’s favorite colors when I mentioned not finding one he liked. 

-The friend that brought me a sack of White Lily flour when they went to the South after remembering what I said about biscuits.

-The person who printed and framed a cute snapshot of my family at a random event… 

-Tonight DH said he’d go get takeout because he knew I was up until 11 with one kid and up at 3:30 am with another, and the 4 year old is being defiant in every possible way. I ended up going because a contractor showed up, but I appreciated the thought that I should get takeout instead of cook on a hot, difficult day. 

[wintermom]

I agree that it does take time for a good acquaintance to develop into a good friend. Once a good friend, time and distance play a lesser role. When we get together it's like we are back to the old days together. 

56 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Laughter is a good clue.

Can we laugh together? 

Being able to be yourself, even in the quirky ways, and that's not a big drama. 

Reciprocity. Turn taking. Mutual interest. 

Available! (within reason).

Trustworthy. 

That's my list. 

This is a great list! Thanks for getting it all down so clearly. I'll add one that has impacted some what I thought were going to be good friendships - not trying to push their agenda (often religion) and trying to get you to join their 'thing' and not respecting that you have your own 'thing.'

[Amethyst]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

 

How much in-person communication is essential to keep the fires burning? If two years go by, does the friendship Peter out? 

In my experience, yes, it peters out.

[Amethyst]

2 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

My friendships don’t Peter out in 2yrs. I have super good friends that I haven’t seen or spoken to in depth in five years. I know I could call them up tomorrow and they’d do what they could to help. 

I always hear people say things like this, but have never experienced it. After 5 years, the talk would be all "catching up" and it might be fun, or nostalgic or something, but no, I would not consider that a friend.

[Amethyst]

1 hour ago, Melissa Louise said:

 

Reciprocity. Turn taking. Mutual interest. 

 

These are good answers.

[Sneezyone]

25 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

I always hear people say things like this, but have never experienced it. After 5 years, the talk would be all "catching up" and it might be fun, or nostalgic or something, but no, I would not consider that a friend.

Gotta experience it to know. I’ve kept up with one (another mutual, good friend) thru the years and tried to meet up but it didn’t work out, but we’re on the same coast now so met up while she was closer (work trip for her). It was a surprise orchestrated by bestie. We got all caught up and it was great. Lovely visit w/group chat created. We’re STILL experiencing the same familial challenges as we did as collegians. She married very well. Doesn’t matter. Hoping to plan a beach week for 2023.

Edited July 21, 2022 by Sneezyone

[wintermom]

28 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

In my experience, yes, it peters out.

For me, it depends why the in-person visiting stopped. If it was due to one person moving, but otherwise it was a really strong friendship, then it will not peter out. If it dried up for other reasons, then there's less motivation to rekindle it. Something else ended the friendship,  and it wasn't time or distance. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

31 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

I always hear people say things like this, but have never experienced it. After 5 years, the talk would be all "catching up" and it might be fun, or nostalgic or something, but no, I would not consider that a friend.

We can catch up on the highlights in five minutes. Really. (Not that much really important happens in my life and it’s not that important to know the minutiae of my life)

Then we talk about the deeper things that interest us or we are thinking about. 

[Sneezyone]

54 minutes ago, Katy said:

You’re not describing gifts as a love language. You’re describing a toxic, manipulative person. I love gifts but I’m more touched by a thing that costs $2 that you grabbed because for whatever reason you thought of me than I am $500 of junk designed to dazzle. 
 

Real gifts I’ve loved: 

-When I was allergic to wheat one friend went out of her way to make at least 3 gluten free desserts if she knew I was coming to a party.  

-She also knitted a hat in one kid’s favorite colors when I mentioned not finding one he liked. 

-The friend that brought me a sack of White Lily flour when they went to the South after remembering what I …

-Tonight DH said he’d go get takeout because he knew I was up until 11 with one kid and up at 3:30 am with another, and the 4 year old is being defiant in every possible way. I ended up going because a contractor showed up, but I appreciated the thought that I should get takeout instead of cook on a hot, difficult day. 

For me these are acts of consideration that I hope my intimate friends would take but wouldn’t fault them if they didn’t. I put zero value in trinkets and tchotchkes. DH took a day off to watch niece while I was ‘in-person’ last week (and give DD a break). That was meaningful and he was rewarded but it was not like my GFs who ‘get’ me on a different level. They understand the pull of personal career goals and obligations. They understand the the drive to be great parents to our kids. They understand the familial obligations/pressure that I face. It’s just easy with this group of first-gen, immigrant, minority, low-income, Hell’s Kitchen women. They get it. All of ‘it’.

[Rosie_0801]

If I want my people to have stuff, I organise it. After that, they can throw it in the bin for all I know, because I almost never ask. 

I would never buy a ticket and tell someone they now owe me their attention in that specific time and place.

[Farrar]

4 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

FTR- I resemble this remark. Sooo…I have the chance to head your way for the weekend. Can I crash/eat your food/drink your booze/ and be off at sunrise? 
 

In my defense, She lives alone/has no local family and I happily host her siblings for holidays under the same conditions. Spontaneity isn’t everyone’s cuppa.

Come on!

[SKL]

Mutual respect, mutual caring, and some kind of chemistry so we enjoy each other's company when we're together.

My real friends and I don't really do gifts and such.  None of us really like that sort of thing.

The time lag between meetings doesn't matter.  It does help if there is at least some communication every year or so.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The closest my friends and I come to giving gifts is picking up the tab from time to time when we go out to a restaurant. We do text each other sometimes if we come across a story or have an experience that reminds us of a shared experience or each other in some way. 

[regentrude]

10 hours ago, wintermom said:

For me, it depends why the in-person visiting stopped. If it was due to one person moving, but otherwise it was a really strong friendship, then it will not peter out. If it dried up for other reasons, then there's less motivation to rekindle it. Something else ended the friendship,  and it wasn't time or distance. 

I found it extremely difficult to maintain my strong, long-term friendships after emigrating to another continent. Time and distance *are* significant obstacles,  and of my large circle of decades-long friends, only two remain. Most people are not willing to do the work that's needed to preserve a friendship. 

 

[Guest]

40 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I found it extremely difficult to maintain my strong, long-term friendships after emigrating to another continent. Time and distance *are* significant obstacles,  and of my large circle of decades-long friends, only two remain. Most people are not willing to do the work that's needed to preserve a friendship. 

 

I agree, that does happen usually. And I love your poem. 

[Scarlett]

I have had many many good friends.  A few from high school that really just could not stand the test of time.  I am FB friends with several and although I feel affection for them and like their posts etc……our lives are too different.   
 

I had one friend I worked with for about 10 years and we stayed very very close until about 2016 when she apparently lost her mind.  I finally called her out about some of these conspiracy theories surrounding the virus and the child trafficking rings in Hollywood and she stopped sharing that nonsense with me.  But her IG feed is still full of crap and I have a difficult time with the way she has changed.  
 

I have made several very very good friends here in OK.  They have seen me through some of the most difficult days of my life.  
 

So in thinking about these people….I think it is the sharing of ourselves.  Being trustworthy. Being appreciative of each other.  Being honest with each other. 
 

My best friend since we were 12 is in an entire different category. More like a sister.  

[Ottakee]

I have never really had a “best friend”. I had friend groups and now as an adult have developed a lot of friendships.   I have adventuring friends, church friends, and then a few close friends.  Most share my religious beliefs but one close friend does not.  She though really challenges me and we have lots of deep conversations.

 

Two weeks ago I reunited with 2 friends that were friends of mine at church from 5-9 years old.   We had not been together in 42 years.    We fell right back into the friendship.

[Kalmia]

My best friends are all very different from one another. Some are more conservative than me, some are more liberal. Some have kids, some don't. Their professions vary widely. Some are introverts, some are extroverts. What they all have in common is that I can trust what they say. I can trust they will always be there (within reason) if I need to talk to them. And they are all people that they bring with them calm personalities and no drama (including the drama that accompanies alcohol and substance use--I cannot stand being around people who drink to tipsiness or get drunk or who smoke pot, I don't think it is bad or care if my friends do it away from me, but I personally have no patience being around people become artificially silly or dumb or physically touchy or weirdly super-relaxed or whatever out of character thing the substance does to their brain to make them not them. The people who indulge might be perfectly safe and happy, but I feel I am suddenly with strangers.) 

My best friends are also interested in things outside themselves, nature, science, agriculture, books, history, etc. I love to learn from others and I love sharing the thing I learn. I would be bored by people who only discuss their lives and were not interested in the world around them.

I agree with other posters that when seeing a best friend after a long absence it will feel like no time has passed for both of us. Maybe that is the most simple explanation of a deep friendship. 🙂

[wintermom]

6 hours ago, regentrude said:

I found it extremely difficult to maintain my strong, long-term friendships after emigrating to another continent. Time and distance *are* significant obstacles,  and of my large circle of decades-long friends, only two remain. Most people are not willing to do the work that's needed to preserve a friendship. 

 

Beautiful poem, and there is definitely truth in it. It's completely understandable, though. Life goes on for both the ones back 'home' and the ones who left. There are often fewer and fewer common topics to connect with continuously. Visits are often great opportunities to reconnect, though. There's nothing like spending a few hours with old friends. 

[Ottakee]

I will say I have found that COVID and the politics since 2020 made things harder friendship wise.  Things were so polarizing that it made things tough to have real conversations with friends who were on the extremes of either side.  That saddens me.

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, wintermom said:

 Visits are often great opportunities to reconnect, though. There's nothing like spending a few hours with old friends. 

Yes, but even that becomes hard... when we visited, we tried to connect with all our old friends and made it a priority to see everyone in the short time - but it was *my* priority,  not theirs, and it was *I* who initiated every interaction... and while it was nice to spend time with friends,  it became also very apparent that the others didn't want the connection badly enough to do any work to keep it up.

Eta: the latter was also the main lesson I learned in the pandemic. And so I will disagree with the folks who said that it doesn't matter if you see friends only very infrequently: to me, investing in the relationship is vital for friends.  The friendships with people who never reach out, never make an effort to connect, and always rely on the other person to initiate contact will eventually fizzle out because it becomes too much work to always be the one who gives. I dearly miss those friends,  but if there is no sign that they give a damn, I no longer can muster the energy 

Edited July 22, 2022 by regentrude

[Jean in Newcastle]

15 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Yes, but even that becomes hard... when we visited, we tried to connect with all our old friends and made it a priority to see everyone in the short time - but it was *my* priority,  not theirs, and it was *I* who initiated every interaction... and while it was nice to spend time with friends,  it became also very apparent that the others didn't want the connection badly enough to do any work to keep it up.

Eta: the latter was also the main lesson I learned in the pandemic. And so I will disagree with the folks who said that it doesn't matter if you see friends only very infrequently: to me, investing in the relationship is vital for friends.  The friendships with people who never reach out, never make an effort to connect, and always rely on the other person to initiate contact will eventually fizzle out because it becomes too much work to always be the one who gives. I dearly miss those friends,  but if there is no sign that they give a damn, I no longer can muster the energy 

But the friends that I see infrequently are still invested in the friendship.  They will initiate the contact as much as I will.  (Though no one is keeping score.)  I did cull a lot of what I thought were close friendships about ten years ago.  I did it simply by not initiating and was so sad when they didn't seem to notice and in the ten years have never once reached out to me.  Those long term friends that I still have did reach out.  (This "experiment" was not planned on my part.  I was very ill during that time and was physically unable to initiate contact.  Despite everyone knowing of my illness, some reached out and some didn't.  After I was well, I just let those relationships that dwindled, die.  I would have been happy if anyone had initiated even the smallest of contact and would still be happy if someone contacted me since none of my contact information has changed.  I'm not high maintenance as a friend and don't play games but it was an interesting test that life sort of threw at me.  But I also am not interested in chasing after people who don't seem to care that much about me. 

[Guest]

20 minutes ago, regentrude said:

but it was *my* priority,  not theirs, and it was *I* who initiated every interaction... and while it was nice to spend time with friends,  it became also very apparent that the others didn't want the connection badly enough to do any work to keep it up.

I have experienced this. The other part of it, for me, is that I begin to think the person is “just not that into me” and I’m throwing good love after bad. 
 

There was one friend I had for many years who went funny with her beliefs when the pandemic arrived - Facebook posts full of that “Plandemic” video and calls to do an Open Up driving caravan - but I did genuinely want to meet up and salvage the friendship, but she was never available, no matter what I suggested. Coffee before work? Nope. Okay how about that sandwich shop with the cafe tables outside? Does Monday work? How about Wednesday? Oh, you want an evening instead? And so on. So I just said, “Okay, well give me a call when a day pops up.” That was the end. We never got together for coffee/lunch/pizza.  I would still consider her a tiny bit barely a friend; I called her when her mom was sick. But it is apparent to me that she does not want to get together. Maybe she’s afraid I will talk about Covid or masks or vaccines or abortion. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

[wintermom]

23 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Yes, but even that becomes hard... when we visited, we tried to connect with all our old friends and made it a priority to see everyone in the short time - but it was *my* priority,  not theirs, and it was *I* who initiated every interaction... and while it was nice to spend time with friends,  it became also very apparent that the others didn't want the connection badly enough to do any work to keep it up.

Eta: the latter was also the main lesson I learned in the pandemic. And so I will disagree with the folks who said that it doesn't matter if you see friends only very infrequently: to me, investing in the relationship is vital for friends.  The friendships with people who never reach out, never make an effort to connect, and always rely on the other person to initiate contact will eventually fizzle out because it becomes too much work to always be the one who gives. I dearly miss those friends,  but if there is no sign that they give a damn, I no longer can muster the energy 

Yup. It sure is hard to maintain friendships with 'everyone.' There just isn't time, energy and circumstances to do it. Our priorities, family life, etc. change drastically from our youth. 

For me, I'm thrilled with those infrequent opportunities to reconnect with old friends who have kept in contact. I had the chance this spring when I was home to help out my mom in the hospital. I reached out to an old friend from university, and she was able to come and see me along with her daughter. It was just completely lucky with the timing and the location. It was a very special time that I really charish. Over the 35 years we've lived thousands of miles apart from each other, we've managed to see each other about 4 times, and each time was completely wonderful and a fantastic memory. Usually it's me coming back 'home' to the region where we first met, but she's also asked me to host her dc when they've had opportunities to come to my new home. 

These extra special friends may not include each and every good friend I've ever had, but I really value the ones that do make the time and effort to stay connected. 

[heartlikealion]

They let me have my feelings. Just for an example, I'm making this up:

Me: I don't like onions
Them: You should try them this way. You should try this kind. 

Like dude, just stop trying to "correct" it. 

Someone that will actually read the texts instead of ignoring them, sending you texts, then making you repeat information. 

Not too pushy. Pushy people make me recoil. I feel trapped. I don't want conflict. I don't want to have to go along with something because you're pushy. 

No tagalongs. Seems like every time I seem to set up a face-to-face thing there is a tagalong... and they don't even always ask! Like I thought we were spending one-on-one time together, then you invite another person. You could have just hung out with that person and left me out of it. Or initiate the meetup as a group meeting. 

Understanding and compassionate. This is not just their behavior toward me. But how they treat a waiter, random stranger, etc. It's a huge turn off to me when someone leaves behind a mess and says, "the workers will deal with it." 

I realize these are my things, not what I expect others to want in a friend! 

[heartlikealion]

22 hours ago, Quill said:

I’m wondering where tangible things fit in for other people. Like, if I surprise you with tickets to Straight No Chaser (whom I know we both love) and say, “I hope you’re available on Nov 10th because we’re going,” does that make you feel like, “Wow! Such a good friend!” Conversely, do people who never surprise you with tickets not register as a good friend? 
 

How much in-person communication is essential to keep the fires burning? If two years go by, does the friendship Peter out? 

I don't like surprises like that, in general. Because now if I can't go or there's some reason I don't think I'd want to go that day, I feel pressured. I don't like pressure in relationships. Planning it together would be more my cup of tea. "Hey, they are playing on this date? Wanna go?" 

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

But the friends that I see infrequently are still invested in the friendship.  They will initiate the contact as much as I will.  (Though no one is keeping score.)  I did cull a lot of what I thought were close friendships about ten years ago.  I did it simply by not initiating and was so sad when they didn't seem to notice and in the ten years have never once reached out to me.  Those long term friends that I still have did reach out.  (This "experiment" was not planned on my part.  I was very ill during that time and was physically unable to initiate contact.  Despite everyone knowing of my illness, some reached out and some didn't.  After I was well, I just let those relationships that dwindled, die.  I would have been happy if anyone had initiated even the smallest of contact and would still be happy if someone contacted me since none of my contact information has changed.  I'm not high maintenance as a friend and don't play games but it was an interesting test that life sort of threw at me.  But I also am not interested in chasing after people who don't seem to care that much about me. 

Yep to the bolded. This is what greatly disillusioned me about a group of local women whom I considered friends... not a single person from that circle ever reached out to me when my father had a stroke and I struggled with being unable to travel home because of the pandemic. Just a message or text "How are you doing?" would have been so nice. And that was a group that talked a lot about "sisterhood" and "support". Sigh.

[Rosie_0801]

I couldn't think of anything worse than trying to re-establish with old school friends or anything like that. I haven't had a nice life. I don't have nice things to say. 

[Indigo Blue]

24 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I couldn't think of anything worse than trying to re-establish with old school friends or anything like that. I haven't had a nice life. I don't have nice things to say. 

I’m sorry. 

[Melissa Louise]

These posts are so interesting to me. 

@regentrudethanks for the poem. I am sure distance makes a huge difference. 

~

For me, personally, I think of friendship in general like a river.

It's like at various times I can be lilo-ing alongside someone for quite a while, but then one of us goes ahead or stays behind and hey! there's someone else on the lilo next to me.

The interesting thing is that some people return. Decades later, even. Hello! 

My best friend of 20+ years and I are currently in different places in the river. It's ok. We'll reconnect at some point. I'm floating along in a group of three these past few years, and having fun. 

I just think relationships incl friendships can be fluid and flexible.

And it's amazing to me the way in which, post school, I have almost always been gifted with someone to be lilo-ing with. 

I think my favourite friendship, because it was so hard won and is still fragile, is with myself. From myself I need humor (important!), compassion, an acceptance of my oddities, time doing things I love. It is very nice to be friends with one's self. 

 

 

[Clarita]

Anyone who decides to be my friend and put up with my flaws. It's a friendship not a marriage (I can have as many as I want). Many fizzle out after a season. Occasionally some friends we share a more special bond and we make a decision to maintain a friendship even when it's not convenient.  

For me everyone is my friend until they are not. There are things you can do to absolutely not be my friend anymore. Threaten my life, be purposefully mean to me, I think people chose not to be my friend before I chose not to be theirs.

[heartlikealion]

On 7/21/2022 at 1:59 PM, Grace Hopper said:

I realize that was a very short answer but, really, until I know I can really truly trust someone, they are a friend, but not a Friend, iykwim. I have a lot of dear acquaintances. It takes time to reach that place, capital F friend level, but not time quantified in months or years. It’s  quantified by shared experiences and quality conversations. 
 

I’ll add that at my age and stage of life, I also prefer to have as confidantes others who share some base level values. An understanding of my faith position. An understanding of what position I would likely take on major issues. They don’t have to agree with me, they just should know me well enough to notice that my actions fit with my stated beliefs - that my walk matches my talk iykwim. That our conversations don’t always get stuck on why I think the way I do about something, because they already hold similar convictions. That takes time spent together and at this stage of my life, I have less available time and emotional energy, so though it’s sad to say, I do tend to gravitate towards those who are, for lack of a better description, like me. These are people I am most intimate with. I have recognized this as a pattern and lately have made it a goal in the last year or so to cross boundaries to make broader acquaintances. I wish I were younger and am honestly jealous of college students who have so many more opportunities to do this. 

We have to make opportunities. Sometimes it’s not worth it and exhausting. I joined a mommy app called Peanut a couple months ago. I haven’t made many connections but I did have a meet up with a mom and our kids like 2 weeks ago. It was nice. I really thought I’d blown it because she canceled once then I didn’t hear from her for several weeks. She was just so busy with a class etc. We don’t live close but we do intend to try to meet up again. And the kids got along. 

I am attending a meeting soon for bowling. I am trying to sign up as a sub for a league. I cannot commit to weekly but I thought subbing might work and meet some people. We just have to look for things. Maybe a library meet up group? 

[Arcadia]

18 hours ago, regentrude said:

I found it extremely difficult to maintain my strong, long-term friendships after emigrating to another continent. Time and distance *are* significant obstacles,  and of my large circle of decades-long friends, only two remain. Most people are not willing to do the work that's needed to preserve a friendship. 

I do agree with the poem. I think it was easier for me because my ex-classmates migrated to Australia, Europe and the states from Asia. I have a friend currently stationed in Dubai. So with everyone spread all over the globe, people try to stay in touch by WhatsApp. Also many of my friends are in tech or engineering related fields so we are often talking shop and keeping each other updated on technology advances in our fields. At this stage of my life, many of us long term friends from school days are discussing about ways to help our aging parents, from POA, wills, trustees to nursing homes and funeral arrangements.

[Guest]

am attending a meeting soon for bowling. I am trying to sign up as a sub for a league. I cannot commit to weekly but I thought subbing might work and meet some people. We just have to look for things. Maybe a library meet up group? 
 

I think this is smart. I have been in a Bunco group with other women for almost two decades. I started as a sub. We hardly ever play bunco anymore but we still get together once a month and it’s so awesome. Those ladies have my back and we’ve all been through so much stuff together: one’s daughter in a devastating car accident, one’s daughter was at the Los Vegas shooting concert, there have been cancer diagnoses and the loss of parents. So glad I thought, “Well, I can be a sub…” back in something like 2002.