Not sure how to title - covid

[Elizabeth86]

This is long, rambling and the middle of the night. Sorry if I don’t make any sense, but I can’t sleep and need to vent. Trying to make a long story short, my sister’s husband was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months (I’ve lost track of the correct time frame for all this). He has tests done, but before he gets anywhere with results and treatment and all they both come down with covid. They are sick for a while? They both seem to be on the mend. She was vaccinated and he was not. He then develops pneumonia, later a blood clot, in and out of the hospital. He ends up with permanent neurological damage. Basically he didn’t want to be artificially kept alive, he was unable to ever get well enough to treat cancer unable to eat and drink. Basically no hope of him recovering to get cancer treatment. They just sent him home to die. So, my mom has been staying with my sister during all this and they have been having guests and I just knew many were not concerned with covid and after the funeral I’m stressed to think how many times my mom has been exposed over the week. So, I show to the funeral masked with my 4 kids and even my anti masking dh masked because I asked him to be respectful to my family. My bil ‘s family was seated on one side and my sister’s family and friends gravitated toward the other side of the room. His family had exactly zero people with a mask on, Im really bad at estimating numbers, but at the very least 20 or so. A few of his coworkers passed through masked. I walked in to find my sister and mom unmasked. I have absolutely no idea why my mom wasn’t masked as she has been all this time of covid. I guess she was just overwhelmed by everything and not thinking clearly. It also made me realize my sister hasn’t been covid cautious which is crazy to me. My sil and niece sitting there unmasked, now it makes sense why they ended up with covid a few weeks back. Nieces kids has snotty noses. I’d guess 20-30 people on her side and the only people with masks was my family of 6, my dad, the preacher and his wife and 1 other relative was the only ones with masks. So what’s that about 13?people out of 50 or some people. Not even all the funeral staff was masked. I felt horrified. When I go out I see the majority unmasked; but I felt so shocked to see so many of my own being so careless. We were attending the funeral of someone that pretty much died because of covid. The cancer may have got him anyway, but damn. It honestly felt like a bad dream. If someone doesn’t end up getting sick it will be a miracle. So thankful my dad was able to get his 3rd dose. I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that like basically no one values their own life or the lives of others. I know a few were vaccinated, but a whole lot of them were not I know for sure. My unvaccinated cousin that cares for my 80 something uncle and aunt was there unmasked and they are in no shape to be getting covid. I’m saying all this because I was just shocked and I can’t stop dwelling on it. I just don’t understand how so many people can be so clueless. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that so many people aren’t trying to stop this. I just feel like screaming. 😣😱I felt like someone forgot to tell me covid is over because that’s what it looked like yesterday. I’m blown away. Please tell me I’m the only one that’s experiencing this nonsense. I’m not sure what else I need to say. I just never thought I’d I attend the funeral of someone that died from complications of a contagious disease and all his family left behind would not be concerned about this contagious disease. What the he’ll kind of reality am I living in right now? How is this happening? 

[bookbard]

So very sorry. You're right to be dumbfounded. So many of us agree with you here and have similar stories. 

[Corraleno]

I'm so sorry. Even as we approach three-quarters of a million deaths in this country, so many people still seem to believe that covid is NBD, and that "99% survival" means they can't possibly be in the 1%. It's hard to fathom how people can look around and not understand what's happening — even when it happens to their own loved ones. And even when they lose a loved one, they often just blame it on the hospital or the fact they couldn't get ivermectin. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that in your own family — at a funeral no less. That just adds another level of misery to an already painful situation.

[dsmith]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I remember being in the same state of shock, disbelief and anger after repeatedly catching family members being less than careful around my mother in law after my father in law died of Covid and the vaccine seemed years away. Thankfully we’ve had no vaccine hold outs on that side, but I’ll feel better after we’ve all had boosters. My sister couldn’t get past her anxiety to get the vaccine and decided going on a bar-hopping vacation to Nashville was a good idea. She got Covid and got the antibody treatment right away, but she only got tested after telling me she had the flu and me asking if she verified it was flu. 🤦‍♀️ At least I can finally have her in the house. Even though we’re all vaccinated we haven’t stopped masking and probably won’t for a while. A breakthrough infection may not kill us, but it could definitely cause an MS relapse for me or cause my mil or elderly neighbor who stays with us all day to become very ill… 

[Kassia]

@Elizabeth86I'm so sorry. 

We went through something very similar last summer. This was pre-vaccine but my FIL died because of Covid restrictions (not directly from Covid - it was nursing home neglect and we weren't aware of it because we couldn't visit) and I was shocked at how the funeral was held.  No distancing - people were hugging, sitting right on top of each other, standing close to each other and talking, etc., , masks weren't enforced and people who did wear them didn't wear them correctly,, everyone was indoors in a very small space and there were food/drinks served where people had no masks on and were eating, talking, laughing.  It was actually horrifying to me.  I went outside for most of it because I was a wreck.  I don't know how my MIL didn't get sick (or anyone else that I know of).  

In our case I think it was more ignorance in a mostly elderly crowd.  But my rural area is very anti-vax/anti-mask while our little county hospital is full and turning people away due to covid patients.  It's like they don't understand reality.  It's baffling and frustrating and pointless to try to reason with them at this point.

I really hope that everyone stays healthy in your family and am so sorry for your loss and concern now.  Sending hugs.

[Elizabeth86]

8 minutes ago, Kassia said:

@Elizabeth86I'm so sorry. 

We went through something very similar last summer. This was pre-vaccine but my FIL died because of Covid restrictions (not directly from Covid - it was nursing home neglect and we weren't aware of it because we couldn't visit) and I was shocked at how the funeral was held.  No distancing - people were hugging, sitting right on top of each other, standing close to each other and talking, etc., , masks weren't enforced and people who did wear them didn't wear them correctly,, everyone was indoors in a very small space and there were food/drinks served where people had no masks on and were eating, talking, laughing.  It was actually horrifying to me.  I went outside for most of it because I was a wreck.  I don't know how my MIL didn't get sick (or anyone else that I know of).  

In our case I think it was more ignorance in a mostly elderly crowd.  But my rural area is very anti-vax/anti-mask while our little county hospital is full and turning people away due to covid patients.  It's like they don't understand reality.  It's baffling and frustrating and pointless to try to reason with them at this point.

I really hope that everyone stays healthy in your family and am so sorry for your loss and concern now.  Sending hugs.

I’m so Sorry hear about your loss. That is so tragic. It’s awful. I too am from a rural anti masks and anti vaccine area. I know what you mean about the elderly being a bit ignorant to it, but dang, my dad literally has an elementary education and he gets it. He takes it seriously. It’s just not that hard especially when you see someone you know die. I never thought I’d say this, but I actually miss 2020 back when people didn’t go places. 2021 is a nightmare.

[Shoeless]

I'm so sorry. ❤️

What you're witnessing is denial.

[Elizabeth86]

On a light note, a relative was bragging on how well behaved our kids were during the funeral and my 10 year told her that she just had never seen them in their natural habitat. 😂 My boy speaks the truth. 

[Melissa in Australia]

so sorry

hugs

[Guest]

I’m very sorry. I have a similar internal struggle surrounding dh’s cousins, whose mother (dh’s aunt) is in the hospital with COVID. I don’t like to make bad predictions but I am certain this will not end well. The cousins have all contracted it and are not recovering fully, but they just do not apparently get what precautions they need to be following. I am in a way “glad” that they are all very far away in another state, because there is no expectation that any of us can visit. If they were local I’m sure that would be desired but I’m in no hurry to commune with a bunch of people with long covid and no vax. I’m sure none of them wear masks either. 

[73349]

I'm sorry.

[TexasProud]

I am sorry. And I get it.

Struggling as I am wearing a mask around mom. But she has gone out to breakfast with friends a couple of times and/or the friends come over for a short visit and no one wears masks. I am sure they wonder why in the world I am. But it is her life, and her choices.  But yeah, in my mind when I fast forward to the funeral, I do not know what we will do. 

[East Coast Sue]

I’m so sorry. Rational thought seems to be in short supply almost everywhere. Those who have held onto it are forced into some very hard situations. Many gentle hugs for the complicated family dynamics you’re dealing with lately. 

Edited October 20, 2021 by East Coast Sue

[Ausmumof3]

I’m sorry 😞 

[Katy]

I’m sorry. The Covid denying side of my family needed 3 deaths to stop complaining about Covid restrictions. They still don’t mask. 

[HomeAgain]

Denial runs deep.

It's the same reason we have shows like Jackass and Instagram challenges - people see something happen, but fail to see themselves in that situation.  "Well, it was him, with THESE circumstances, but I......"  It's the reason we had an older relative die from COVID but the younger generation come down with it two weeks later, one ending up in the hospital herself.  Masks are bad, vaccines are bad, but the surprise when it happens....I shake my head.

I'm so sorry about your BIL.  It's not an easy way to die, and I hope he has peace now.

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

I’m sorry. The Covid denying side of my family needed 3 deaths to stop complaining about Covid restrictions. They still don’t mask. 

Unreal. 

[ShepCarlin]

I'm sorry for your loss. Also sorry for the stress you're feeling watching all this. It is SO frustrating. I agree with you, 2020 was a bit easier when people weren't going anywhere. People are still getting COVID and dying from it and it does seem like the general public has no regard for that. Just last night my husband and sons were at a memorial service for a scout leader who died from COVID. At our homeschool music co-op there are only about 4 people including my son and myself who are still wearing masks! There are 100+ people in this program and they act as if everything is normal. One of our moms is going through chemo for breast cancer. I am absolutely shocked that no one has thought about her and that her risk for infection is higher right now. People walk up to her (she's masked) and get right in her face asking her how she is feeling. The lack of concern for our fellow man is frightening to me.

[mommyoffive]

I am so sorry.  I live in an area where hardly anyone masks and it is the reason we don't do anything in this area.  But even in the county where masks are mandated indoors there are a lot of people not following it.  Sigh.  It has been incredibly hard to realize there are so many people around you that don't believe in science, won't help stop a pandemic, and won't protect their friends and family.  There is a sadness in me from learning that through this, that I don't think will ever go away. 

I can't imagine the pain and frustration to be at a funeral where  Covid was the cause (in one way or another) the cause of the death.  It would make a painful situation even worse.  I am sorry.  No you are not alone.  There are people still being careful, following mandates, and doing what they can to be careful.  

I am so sorry for your loss.  

[elegantlion]

I am sorry for you family's loss. I get it. I attended a funeral last month - one I couldn't skip for a number of reasons. Thankfully the funeral home required masks, but I wasn't sure until I got there. 

 

[WildflowerMom]

First, Elizabeth, I'm sorry for your and your family's loss.    It's so frustrating and sad, isn't it? 
 

Secondly, I'm just blown away and really at a loss for words wrt funerals right now.  I've watched some online and I read obits daily.   People are dying of covid and their families are still having in-person, indoor funerals and gathering afterwards to eat.   Still!   While their loved one is dead from covid and is ***literally*** laying right in front of them!!!  I mean, wth is going through peoples' minds??  

[Storygirl]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I found it really hard at my mother's funeral last November (not Covid related). I don't want to recount the things that bothered me, but, yes, I was an outlier in my concerns about Covid and masking, etc. It's very, very difficult, infuriating, and heartbreaking to see people in one's own family acting against their own -- and others' -- best interest. I'm sorry.

[Elizabeth86]

31 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

First, Elizabeth, I'm sorry for your and your family's loss.    It's so frustrating and sad, isn't it? 
 

Secondly, I'm just blown away and really at a loss for words wrt funerals right now.  I've watched some online and I read obits daily.   People are dying of covid and their families are still having in-person, indoor funerals and gathering afterwards to eat.   Still!   While their loved one is dead from covid and is ***literally*** laying right in front of them!!!  I mean, wth is going through peoples' minds??  

It’s unreal. 

[Harriet Vane]

I'm so sorry. I experience the same. I'm in a covid-denying state. I haven't been to a regular church service in over a year. When we go to just our small group class, we are often the only masked people there. Although the last 3-4 weeks we have seen maybe 8-10 people masked in the building. It's not a small church at all, and we have had members suffer and die, but no one does anything about it. And they generally think we are crazy for wearing our masks. I also have family who are anti-covid and really, really rude about it to me. It's rough.

I see the same level of denial about many deeply dysfunctional things that have nothing to do with covid. I have never understood why this happens, but people really do minimize and deny scary things rather than face them and make changes.

Edited October 20, 2021 by Harriet Vane
typo

[rebcoola]

I'm sorry I see the same thing.  Especially frustrated with DH 's extended family they have been lucky so far.   One of his uncles is on a vent but it's not changing anyone's behavior. At his one good aunt took his grandma to get vaxxed but she's 88 and not that healthy.