Success Stories: Where have you made friends IRL (besides church or co-op)?

[hs03842]

Besides church and co-ops, where do you have the most success finding friends? (For yourself and the kids)  I’d like to hear success stories!  

 

Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[Slache]

I made a friend at a parade. Similar interest (Mardi Gras parade on the Riverwalk) and stuck in one place long enough to hit it off.

I've made friends hiking even though I hate hiking.

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[Jean in Newcastle]

YMCA

library

neighborhood

city civic events

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[J-rap]

My best friends today are leftover from my high school days and days when my children were home and I met them through various kids' activities:  homeschool activities, community ed activities, theater, sports, etc.   (Rarely from church.)  However, we just moved about 8 months ago to a completely new location so I'm starting over.  (Still have my old best friends -- many of whom already lived across the country from me, but now NONE of them live in the same city.)    I was just starting to meet and click with several people at our new church, actually -- probably more than I ever have in the past (at our church, that is), when the pandemic happened!  Maybe because I finally found a church that feels like a perfect fit.  But, I'm also meeting several people in my new neighborhood (which is now a high-rise apartment building!), also in my yoga class and the local shops and cafes that I was starting to go to regularly!  Can't wait to be able to do that again.

My kids met friends at typical kid activities, whether homeschool activities or music groups or sports, sometimes church, etc...  And also at their part-time jobs which they all had starting around 14/15. 

Edited May 24, 2020 by J-rap

[Laura Corin]

For me: secular choir (not recommended this year) and work. For the kids: scouts and engineering club.

[Carrie12345]

4 out of the 5 kids’ Little League teams. By kid #5, I couldn’t relate to all of the brand new parents of t-ballers, lol.

Our volunteer fire department.

Ages ago, I made some friends through local FB groups, but I feel like the vibe has changed in that arena. It’s worth checking out though.

4 hours ago, Patty Joanna said:

...but that isn't what I meant.  

What I had hoped to convey was that there turned out to be a difference between "fellowship" and "community"--and also, I was talking about friends.  My BEST friend came from work, 32 years ago, when we got into trouble together.  :0)

I never assumed that my best friends would or should come from any one place.  I'm kind of an oblivious person, in a lot of ways, and never really gave it a lot of thought.  I went to work because I needed to earn money.  I went to church because I needed to know God.  I took a class on quilting because I wanted to learn to quilt.  I went online to talk about subjects of common interest.  The finding of friends  in all of these wan't the primary goal...it was a gift.  

 

I agree that I have many  friends (not that I do much with them) from the church I attended before I got married.  My parents are still there, but ironically the ladies are almost all older than me and most are more my mom’s friends, but they have known me for 30+ years.  After marriage I made a few friends at church, but mostly through a small group we belonged to.  I would say I stay in touch with one since we started attending Latin Mass.  I have some friends from AHG, but I haven’t stayed in touch too much during the stay at home order so I don’t know how long those will stick around after my daughter graduates next year...probably two because they also have boys.  My best friend came the day after one lady “dumped” me...long, irrelevant story,   She walked up to me as I was waiting to check out at the library and asked if I homeschooled.  We are both introverted and have kids about the same age and similar educational priorities for our kids.  We have a comfortable, non-pushy sort of friendship...we might get together three times one week and then go three months without seeing each other, but it works for us.  I met one other really nice lady at story time at the library and we did a ton together, but then they moved to Idaho....boo.  My problem is I am more introverted, I enjoy being around people, but I am not typically the one to initiate much with a group.  There are also very few homeschool families around us and I find it is hard to find people that aren’t always busy with school functions.  I am not a fan of co-ops so that doesn’t help.  
 

[Momto6inIN]

My kids have made good friends through extracurriculars like drama club and speech and debate club. It's a different feel from a co-op and IMO more likely to form real friendships because they are there out of a common interest, not just because their moms decided to sign them up. 

Edited May 24, 2020 by Momto6inIN

[Guest]

Some of my groups of friends remain from groups I was in when my kids were babies/toddlers. We formed a bunco group and I have remained friends with several of those ladies as our kids have grown up. 

Other friends have been through other clubs or activities, like book club, or a dinner club I was in once. The majority are co-op friends. A small number are friends remaining from earlier periods of work or school. 

I will say this: I don’t seem to be very good at “leveling up” friendships, even if I really love the other person and feel we click well. Like, my bunco girl friends are truly friends, but I don’t usually get together with any of them outside of our group. I have dabbled in that periodically, but...I don’t know....deep friendships don’t seem to be my thing. Also, it seems most middle-aged women are established in their friendships and they aren’t so much looking to “level up.” So I have a lot of general friends, and even a fair number of friends I can count on to help me in a crisis, but I don’t have any of those super-intimate, tell-me-everything, can’t-go-a-week-without-talking friends. I have had a couple of friends like that but they moved far away. 

 

[Miss Tick]

Most of my friends I've made on the sidelines of kid activities - waiting rooms, parent's side of the field, waiting in the lobby during scout meetings, backstage volunteering at the big show, etc. I usually step up with a "hi" and something funny and see where things go. I've learned I have to be patient (struggle!) I think as my kids graduate and I'm on my own I will start participating in things like book club, taking classes, maybe get a job, to try to connect with people in my stage of life as it will be then.

[MysteryJen]

My two best friends are from my kids' swim team. Sitting together for hours in stands over years at a time... Time together is critical to making friends for me.

[ScoutTN]

Most of my best church friends are also homeschoolers. My best friend is from another era of my life and lives in another state. Some are from work - ft long ago or pt since kids.

Agreeing with pp that Kindred Spirit type friends are rare.

Scouts/AHG - agreeing with Momto6 and Margaret here. A genuine shared interest (as opposed to mom signed me up for this)and the kind of involvement required for scouting can build deep friendships. Same can be true of other ec activites.

neighborhood

I met one boardie at kids' swim lessons! 

Edited May 24, 2020 by ScoutTN

[KungFuPanda]

I met one of our oldest friends at a local playground when our daughters were one. We clicked, the kids clicked, and the husbands clicked. That friendship has survived international moves and those babies graduated college this year. 
 

My best friends are other homeschooling moms or people I met through my dance community. If I didn’t have an interest of my own outside of what we do as a family, I’d have fewer really great friends. 

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[Guest]

Kids' activities and interest groups. I'm a little afraid that I might have trouble finding  friends once DD isn't at home. 

[sassenach]

Church and homeschool group was our number one but also sports teams and neighborhood. 
 

The only way I know how to make friends and help my kids make friends is through time together. That takes a heavy dose of intention. When I realized my son was really lacking in friendships, I worked really hard to set up consistent time with people. I set up weekly skate park dates and pushed him out the door to play with a neighbor kid. It worked. Those kids are still his best friends 7 years later. They’re closer than any friends he’s made in his last 4 years of public school. 

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM

[QueenCat]

Since moving here, with now "adult" children, I've made friends in our neighborhood and via book club. I started the book club via Meet Up, although once we had enough members, we moved off of it. That group melded together quickly and has become far more than a book club. 5 of us have really become a social group with our husbands. 3 of the younger ladies do a lot together with their husbands/young kids. It's been great. Some of us have even traveled together. 

When I was younger, I mostly met people in the neighborhood and through kids activities. We've always had a least one great friendship in each neighborhood we've lived in.

All of this said, I have a high need to socialize, so I work very hard at meeting people when we move & spend time cultivating friendships.

[Emba]

Well, if I don't count friends made through church, and by extension the church summer camp we help with, I have made a good friend through my writing group.

No good friends through co-op. Many friendly acquaintances, but no good friends, though if I reached out and made more effort, it might be different.

I think common interests are the place to find friends. My kids have met friends through sports activities, and I've made friends with other moms at the activities, but again, these were more friendly acquaintances than really good friends. We might talk during practice, but never had each other over, never called or texted each other about anything not sport-related.

[ScoutTN]

2 hours ago, dmmetler said:

Kids' activities and interest groups. I'm a little afraid that I might have trouble finding  friends once DD isn't at home. 

I have thought about this too. I feel it a little bit even now, as ds is no longer homeschooling. 

Thinking ahead to working full time and some volunteer interests that I do not yet have time for. 

[rebcoola]

My best friends have all come from church but not church activities our church doesn't do those.   

The other way I have made friends as an adult is through shared interest.  My adult soccer team and the support clubs for Sounders fans. 

I have a lot of friendly aquatiances in the neighborhood and kids activities.

[SKL]

Kids' sports activities.

Most of my friends are from when I was in graduate school.

Trying to remember if I have any friends remaining from "work" or nonprofits.  Not really, they all gradually fell off because we couldn't find ways to get together without kids in tow.

[Ottakee]

Outside of church, I met a few friends through our adoption group.....we started with 8 families about 20 years ago and now are down to 4 families.  

Really, other than that, I have had most of the same friends for 20-30-35 years.....most from church, a few from highschool.   I do have one close, newer friend....about 15 years now...bit from church.

I have a few work casual friends that I might meet for a walk once in a  while or maybe a meal out once or twice a year, but not close friends.

Sorry, that isn't much help.

[KatieJ]

Scrapbooking.

[HS Mom in NC]

This wouldn't play out the same way in the current crisis, but should things get back to near normal, it's another approach. 

The neighborhood.  We moved across the country 2 years ago. After a week of no neighbors coming to introduce themselves, (their kids did because I chatted with a neighbor when we were buying the house and let them know about my daughter in hopes word of it traveled through the neighborhood) my daughter and I went door to door introducing ourselves and meeting the neighbors.  I almost always talked to neighbors walking by, introducing myself and asking them about themselves. No, this is not something that comes naturally to me, quite the opposite, but if we were going to meet them, that was the only practical approach.  

Then I sent out a survey (each house has a mailbox in front) asking people of they were interested in a neighborhood block party, what kind, and when.  My neighborhood has 43 houses in it. We hosted/coordinated one along the lines of what most people wanted. A dozen families showed up.  There was also info to the neighborhood FB page I started so people could connect that way. We clicked with a couple of families, one with kids, one set of grands, and invited them over and they invited us over.  Both sets click with each other, so that's been fun. 

When I'm outside I always wave and say hi to people walking in the neighborhood, and I usually talk with them for a few minutes if they're just strolling along. When an ambulance came for a neighbor across the street, I went over two days later with muffins even though I don't really know that family every well. I told them I saw the ambulance and hoped everything was OK and handed them the muffins. I asked if they needed any help with anything.  It turned out to be a minor emergency.  They have a large family with all adult children and older grandkids nearby so they're all well cared for.

We hosted the neighborhood kids to come over and make easy, cute Christmas treats, box them, and then Christmas carol some of the neighborhood the first Christmas, focusing on the elderly people and the kids' families first.

One of those sets of neighbors (whose kids mine really connected with my daughter) hosted/coordinated  another block party.  The mom is an extreme introvert and asked me to help.  Of course I did. We got about half the neighborhood to attend that one.

And I take a bouquet flowers over and meet people when they move in.  I give them a few days to get things kind of settled and go over and chat with them for about 15 minutes.  I keep it short because moving is stressful and not everyone likes chit chat.  I don't either, but I want them to have a sense that the neighborhood is friendly and welcoming to everyone.

Edited May 25, 2020 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[hs03842]

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Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM