Dealing with a long drive for college?

[Janeway]

We went to see a college that was under six hours away. I did not think this would be a big deal. We have many times made a day trip that was 3 or even 4 hours away. Apparently, six hours away is a big deal. Plus, when we got home, my one leg (the one I injured before and had surgery on) was swollen quite a lot from the drive. My husband and I agreed that the drive was a huge beating and we cannot sign up to do this every few weeks for the next four years. However, turns out, son LOVES the college. Prior to seeing this college, son wanted to go to a much closer by university where he has been admitted to the honors program. The college six hours away gave him so much between scholarships and financial aid that son won't end up taking out student loans. The university close by, he got a lot, but will still need minimal student loans. 

About the far away college, son LOVED it, husband really liked it, and I personally felt "meh" and "it was fine." As far as the closer by university goes, son liked it, husband really liked it, and I liked it much more than the far away school. (the schools in question are Hendrix College and Baylor Honors program). I wish son liked Baylor best, but he says he really liked Hendrix and wants to go there. Okay..but..I am unsure how to handle the commute. I do not feel it is something I can do. And when I research other ways...asking other students for rides, taking a bus, taking an airplane..it is not looking good. I cannot even find any sort of airport shuttle that is willing to go from Little Rock to Conway.  (although I am researching and it looks like Uber to the airport and then fly home would be what would need to happen).  Of course, cost wise, where as we could previously easily drive him to college and make it an easy day trip, now we are funding airfare and uber or taxi. Plus, he has ASD so if he were to have some big struggles and really want to come home for a weekend, it could not happen. 

Also..I am finishing this the day after. My body is so old!!! My rear still hurts even after a night sleep. 

Any advice? It would have been nice if he had gone with a nice liberal arts college in a major city where he could fly. 

[chiguirre]

I went to school 6 hours from home. (UPenn in Philly, I'm from Pittsburgh, so two major cities with decent transportation options.) My parents drove me and my stuff to school in August and picked me and my stuff up in May. I only came home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break my freshman year. After that, I only came home at Christmas. It was just too far to do the trip for anything less than 4 days and even that was a pain. I used the train because of where Amtrak stopped in the Pittsburgh area versus where the airport was, but a plane would not have saved me more time because of the location of the PGH airport and the longer check in time.

I wouldn't count on being able to go get him easily. A 12 hour round trip is too much for one driver to do on their own if he's too sick or tired to drive.

Due to my experience, I strongly suggested to dd that she limit her college search to the Texas Triangle. She's found enough schools she likes to make that realistic.

Has your son been to a Baylor admitted students day? Maybe he'll fall in love with it when they put on the full marketing campaign?

[Janeway]

28 minutes ago, chiguirre said:

I went to school 6 hours from home. (UPenn in Philly, I'm from Pittsburgh, so two major cities with decent transportation options.) My parents drove me and my stuff to school in August and picked me and my stuff up in May. I only came home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break my freshman year. After that, I only came home at Christmas. It was just too far to do the trip for anything less than 4 days and even that was a pain. I used the train because of where Amtrak stopped in the Pittsburgh area versus where the airport was, but a plane would not have saved me more time because of the location of the PGH airport and the longer check in time.

I wouldn't count on being able to go get him easily. A 12 hour round trip is too much for one driver to do on their own if he's too sick or tired to drive.

Due to my experience, I strongly suggested to dd that she limit her college search to the Texas Triangle. She's found enough schools she likes to make that realistic.

Has your son been to a Baylor admitted students day? Maybe he'll fall in love with it when they put on the full marketing campaign?

He only went to a focus event. I will look at admitted students day.

[MysteryJen]

Note: my ds1 went to Hendrix and loved it. Highly recommend.

My three college kids were all far away- over 12 hours one way by car or a plane ride. They were fine. College kids are busy- they are working on school, clubs, friends, figuring out life. It is nice to go out for parents' weekend- but planning for a kid to come home on the weekends is not necessarily  great. They would need to be really close- like under two hours or less.

Hendrix is so small- it is easy to find rides- truly. ds1 found a ride home nearly every vacation- despite not having a car.

I know it is hard to have kids so far away- but if your kid loves it and wants to go there- it will work out- regardless of  any other challenges.

 

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Janeway said:

We went to see a college that was under six hours away. I did not think this would be a big deal. We have many times made a day trip that was 3 or even 4 hours away. Apparently, six hours away is a big deal. Plus, when we got home, my one leg (the one I injured before and had surgery on) was swollen quite a lot from the drive. My husband and I agreed that the drive was a huge beating and we cannot sign up to do this every few weeks for the next four years.  

Then tell your ds that you won't be making the drive every few weeks. Many college kids do not see their families anywhere near that often. We sometimes go weeks without seeing our LOCAL college kid, lol. 

My oldest is 7 hours away, about to graduate, and I have made the drive a ridiculous number of times over four years. She was a bit uncertain about the distance and I did commit to going a certain number of times each semester. I found that it got much easier with experience; the first few times were rough, now it's nothing. The only times I'm wiped out from it is when I have to do an immediate turnaround for some reason (drive up one day, drive home the next). It's definitely fine to tell him you won't be making the drive often. When you do make it, there are ways to make it easier. 

Make sure you are using cruise control as much as possible (much easier on foot/leg). When you're a passenger, put your seat back and prop up your bad leg. You can buy something for this but I just use luggage, lol. 

I also try to remember to sit on a cushion or pillow. 

I find it easier to leave very early in the morning and then take a longish break somewhere past the middle. I don't usually bother with a proper lunch because I'm already sitting way too much. Instead, I eat something quick or that I've packed, and spent some time walking and stretching (maybe at a rest area if the weather's nice, otherwise just at a store). If I'm tired, I might stretch out in the back seat for a while. Then the last couple of hours are easy, and it's still afternoon when I arrive. 

We actually didn't have great luck finding rides for dd, not even to the train station two hours away that a lot of kids use. People had different schedules, or they didn't want to commit to a certain time, or they changed their mind and didn't go home at all. Driving was less stressful to me, lol. There were times when she wanted to come home and the drive wasn't possible, so she Ubered to the bus, took the bus to the train, and the train home. It took forever but she could be on her phone or computer bc she wasn't driving. 

I think you said you did this trip in a very short time frame, right? It's much less grueling when you have a couple of days separating the drives, so long weekends are a good time to visit. We often leave on the Friday and knock out some miles, stay in a hotel, finish the drive on Saturday. Then you have most of Saturday, all of Sunday, and don't have to leave super early on Monday unless you wish. We've also done the entire drive on a Friday, arriving very late of course, but then we sleep in on Saturday. 

That's just things I find that make long drives easier. Absolutely you can tell him you will only make the drive X times. If X times means the beginning and end of the semester to get him there and home, so be it, he can decide based on that. 

 

[J-rap]

Many college students come from out of state, and don't expect to see their families much.  We had two children that went to school either across the country or in another country altogether, and currently have another child attending graduate school in another country.  If the 6-hour trip is only doable by car, I'd think of that the same as I think of "out of state" -- meaning that as parents, you might only see them once each quarter or even once each semester, and on some holidays.  (We don't get to see our dd going to school abroad that much.)  And honestly, that's fine.  Once your child is settled in, they probably won't be expecting you to come often, anyway.

However, have you looked into busses or trains?  We live in a part of the country where trains routes are restricted, but if the college happens to be on a train route, that's something to think about.  BUT, interestingly, there are regional bus companies that travel even to the small towns around here.  That's something you could look into to either get you there for a weekend or get your ds home for a weekend.  Another thought is that once your ds gets to know people, he might meet others from near your area.  He might be able to arrange rides home with them from time to time.  Even if the driver ends up an hour or two away, you could meet your ds there and pick him up.

[Mbelle]

Some students will do well with the distance if everything falls into place at the college, while others will want some down time at home with family more often.

I know at dd's college many go home at least 2x a month.  They get sick of each other even if they are friends.  They get tired of constantly being around people in the dorms and eating the cafeteria food. It's just way too much togetherness for all but the very extroverted. They want to come home and chill out and recharge.  DD college is a gorgeous tourist town, but they get tired of tourist and festivals and that kind of thing on the weekends.  Occasionaly there is a big festival if they don't leave they just about can't get out, although it can be fun too.

[regentrude]

My DD went to college 6.5 hours away from us. We never did the drive "every few weeks" - college students are BUSY! It's Thanksgiving and Christmas and Spring Break and summer. Coming home for a weekend never happened - there is no time for that during the semester. FWIW, DS is two hours away at school, and we barely see him. Again, did I mention busy?

Doing the drive to DD's school and back home in one day is a pain; 13+ hours in the car. So we usually stayed a night when we picked her up/visited. She also took the train part of the way, so we only had to drive 4 hours roundtrip to the nearest station. 

Is there a way your DS can take a bus or train for part of the way? Also, ride sharing. We're in a small town, but if you're in a bigger city, I bet there will be multiple students who are going there and who could carpool.

Edited February 9, 2020 by regentrude

[catz]

My kid is about 4.5 hours and honestly, he just rarely comes home.  I would make your student understand that if he goes there, you will find ways to make it work for holidays and longer breaks but otherwise he would just be on campus the vast majority of weekends with the choice of that school.  It does tend to be easier to find rides at actual breaks at my son's college.  He does have excellent bus service to our metro.  

And you know what?  Maybe this is something you need to stew on for a bit before deciding.  Is this an ASD student?  You don't need to answer that, maybe I'm thinking of someone else.  But some students really do have more intense need to go home and have support at regular intervals and if that might be the case, it is seriously worth considering.  Especially if affordability of travel could be an issue.   Better to realize it upfront and make an informed choice that would make it easier to be successful.

[teachermom2834]

My second ds is about 8 hours (if you only stop to use the bathroom and push straight through). I hate it. It is close enough that I do feel some comfort that if he had a true emergency I could jump in the car and go but it is really too far for convenience. We have made it down for a couple quick visits but it is just too hard and expensive to take the family that far. He flies home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and for a short visit during the summer but he has a job there so he really doesn't come home for spring break or summer.  At least he is close to a major airport and we can choose from three airports he can realistically fly into to come here. It is still such a pain. He is very independent and doesn't want to come home for long stretches but even he admits it would be nice to be closer. He is happy with his choice but the distance goes in the negative column for sure. And he is generally independent and we are not a family that needs to spend all our free time together. 

It just makes everything harder. Like when he has a couple weeks in between leases, for example, as is the norm where he is. And it would be nice to be able to just go for the day. 

That said, I have another ds who is two hours away. We really don't see him any more often. He has his own car so it doesn't even mean us driving round trip to come home but he is busy and honestly, so are we. So the difference is mostly psychological. We actually saw the one eight hours away more one year because we had to actually plan it and get it on the calendar rather than with closer ds where we just figured we would get there. 

Its been okay but I really don't recommend it. I would absolutely let the dc know that there won't be weekends home. Some kids do better if they just stay weekends and fully immerse but others really do better to be able to escape. That could go either way.

My next ds wants to go to the flagship that is only 70 miles away. I'm just going with that and not suggesting anything else to him because i am looking forward to having one so close. He, also, has seen the situation with his brother that is so far and doesn't want that for himself. 

I would say the distance can work out but is not ideal and if there isn't a compelling reason to go so far I would have a hard time supporting it. But I let my ds go farther than that so I can't really talk 🙂

 

[Guest]

There is a bus service from Conway to Little Rock, and possibly closer to home for you-they do have destinations in TX. Most AR small college towns have some way to get to either St. Louis, Memphis, or Little Rock regularly for college students to head home. And I suspect there will be plenty of students to share rides with from Hendrix to get to Little Rock, at minimum, at which point Southwest and Greyhound would both likely be options. 

 

 https://www.jeffersonlines.com

 

 

[RootAnn]

Mine is 12 hrs by car & we only saw her at Christmas after dropping her off in August. However, I agree you, your DS, and your DH might need to sit down & discuss the distance thing before he accepts at any place since he might have more need of coming home or one of you going there to assist him as he settles into college life. (Like @FuzzyCatz, I am assuming this is your kid with ASD.)

[Arch at Home]

Most college that are a distance from an airport have a shuttle service to the nearest major airport for holidays. With quick Internet search I found that Hendix has one also. https://www.hendrix.edu/studentaffairs/default.aspx?id=43405

[whitestavern]

Freshman year my d went to a school 5 hours away. We visited a couple of times and she came home on most breaks. It was an easy 5 hour drive, and I never had an issue with it. She also had public transportation options and took a train once to meet us at relatives for Thanksgiving. Sophomore year she transferred to a school that as the crow flies is about 4.5 hours. Thing is, it never takes less than 6 really. I was surprised at how much longer the drive seems. And options for public transportation are limited. I hate making the drive and wish we had considered that more when she decided on this school. BUT, it is the school she chose. And after exhaustive research, I finally did find a train from a nearby station that gets her close enough for a friend to pick her up and bring her to school. We used that option after her winter break. It took, a long time on greyhound, amtrak, and airline websites to find something that works. All this to say that I understand where you're coming from. But, if my d or s really really wanted one school over another, I'd find a way to make it work. You might talk to reps at the school and/or see if there's a parent Facebook group or something. I would imagine there must be kids that attend that live near-ish to you. Or maybe there's a public transportation option you missed. Or, as someone else suggested, let him know if he chooses to attend there he won't be able to come home often.

[Hoggirl]

Is it your son who is wanting to come home often or is it your wanting him to come home often?

If it is the former, he will likely find out quickly that he neither wants to come home that often nor has the time to do so.  Was this an up and back trip in one day?  I agree that is a lot and something I would not do frequently (ever).

There are going to be many differences between Baylor and Hendrix.  Size, student population, school spirit levels, vibe. What was it about Hendrix that appealed to him?  

ETA: Our ds attended college 1,800+ miles away.  Other than his initial move in (so he could have his digital piano), and getting his car to him junior year, he/we only flew.  He came home TG, Christmas, and Spring break his freshman year.  After that, he only came home at Christmas. We went to him for two TGs.  If you are concerned about distance because of challenges related to the ASD, that needs to be discussed with him.

Edited February 10, 2020 by Hoggirl

[Chris in VA]

My daughter is an introvert and has some "stuff" going on. She is at school 5500 miles away and comes home for Xmas and in May for 10 days, and then we go to the States for a month in Aug and see her for a week. It is what it is. She never has time to go to her "other" home on weekends (she is 2 hours or so from our old neighborhood and has a room with my bestie who used to be her youth group leader and is her "other mother" ♥️). 

I would never limit my child as far as distance for where they want to live. I want to encourage adventure and independence.  To me, college is a bridge between dependence and total independence. That said, special needs or a real need to come home are definitely factors in deciding, but he has already decided. And it is a great decision! He goes for free, right? Or at least no loans? And they have his major, and he LOVES it? No brainer.

Now you didn't say if he expects to see you "every few weeks." He can take a bus, but you should not feel obligated to travel 12 hours a day to get him and take him home for a weekend, and then turn around and do it again. So is the frequent visiting your expectation or his?

[Lanny]

I have not read all of the replies, but I have read some of them, and I am puzzled why the OP would think that it would be necessary to visit her DS every few weeks. 

[catz]

She did say in the first post he is ASD though I missed that on my first read.  I do think having plans in place for regular supports for some kids is very important that first year based on some friend's experiences launching ASD/ADHD young adults to college.   So I don't blame the OP for thinking through the ramifications carefully.  If I remember this particular student has flip flopped a bit the past months on post high school plans.  Not every 18 year old is in the same place when they head to college.

[Janeway]

6 hours ago, Lanny said:

I have not read all of the replies, but I have read some of them, and I am puzzled why the OP would think that it would be necessary to visit her DS every few weeks. 

I was counting to the fact that I was told we would drive to move him in in August, and then they close the dorms in October for a fall break, and then November for Thanksgiving, and then Christmas of course, and then spring break and then end of year. And since they close for both a fall break and Thanksgiving break, but I tried to find out if there is an additional break for spring but never found out. 

[Janeway]

7 hours ago, FuzzyCatz said:

She did say in the first post he is ASD though I missed that on my first read.  I do think having plans in place for regular supports for some kids is very important that first year based on some friend's experiences launching ASD/ADHD young adults to college.   So I don't blame the OP for thinking through the ramifications carefully.  If I remember this particular student has flip flopped a bit the past months on post high school plans.  Not every 18 year old is in the same place when they head to college.

He has flip flopped so much that I am on the verge of not sending him. He does not know what he wants to major in. He hates to talk about it. He has such extreme anxiety in a car that he cannot even learn how to drive. When he used to go to a program for kids with ASD that was an hour away, he had to take medication to get through the drive. He is very very book smart, but can completely shut down at the drop of a hat if something has gone wrong. I have spent a fair amount of time dealing with school issues this year just for him. I am quite worried how things will go.

Edited to add: he could not even fill out his own FAFSA or complete the college applications without my help. He cannot apply for jobs. I have to sit with him and help him figure out where to click and what different things mean. Then he throws his arms up and tells me it is too confusing and he would rather not go to college than have to fill out forms. All I can think is what sort of job would he have in the future where someone else does all paperwork for him? No one is going to take him seriously in a college education required job when he shuts down over something like filing out a basic application. Can you imagine how he would fill out the paperwork for a job? He cannot speak on the phone-it causes him too much anxiety.  Basically, he has book smarts with no life skills. 

Edited February 12, 2020 by Janeway

[GoodGrief]

2 hours ago, Janeway said:

He has flip flopped so much that I am on the verge of not sending him. He does not know what he wants to major in. He hates to talk about it. He has such extreme anxiety in a car that he cannot even learn how to drive. When he used to go to a program for kids with ASD that was an hour away, he had to take medication to get through the drive. He is very very book smart, but can completely shut down at the drop of a hat if something has gone wrong. I have spent a fair amount of time dealing with school issues this year just for him. I am quite worried how things will go.

Edited to add: he could not even fill out his own FAFSA or complete the college applications without my help. He cannot apply for jobs. I have to sit with him and help him figure out where to click and what different things mean. Then he throws his arms up and tells me it is too confusing and he would rather not go to college than have to fill out forms. All I can think is what sort of job would he have in the future where someone else does all paperwork for him? No one is going to take him seriously in a college education required job when he shuts down over something like filing out a basic application. Can you imagine how he would fill out the paperwork for a job? He cannot speak on the phone-it causes him too much anxiety.  Basically, he has book smarts with no life skills. 

 FWIW, my college senior got a lot of help from me for her apps and neither of my college students filled out their own FAFSAs.

I'm sure he has a lot of other issues, but just wanted to say that I think getting overwhelmed with paperwork can be pretty normal. Mine were good students despite that :-) And they do eventually learn.

Are you sure the dorm is closed for fall break too? That would surprise me, though it's not unusual for them to close for Thanksgiving, winter, and spring breaks.

[Selkie]

2 hours ago, Janeway said:

I was counting to the fact that I was told we would drive to move him in in August, and then they close the dorms in October for a fall break, and then November for Thanksgiving, and then Christmas of course, and then spring break and then end of year. And since they close for both a fall break and Thanksgiving break, but I tried to find out if there is an additional break for spring but never found out. 

You might want to ask if there are any dorms that stay open through the breaks. At the college my boys attend, there are a couple dorms that stay open through the entire school year, even at Christmas.

[gstharr]

How in the world do you think this will work.  You can't bear a six hour drive, and your son can't be in a car for an hour without meds.  With the ASD related  issues you mention, I have a feeling you will be driving up there frequently, and unexpectedly that first year. 

[chiguirre]

3 hours ago, Janeway said:

He has flip flopped so much that I am on the verge of not sending him. He does not know what he wants to major in. He hates to talk about it. He has such extreme anxiety in a car that he cannot even learn how to drive. When he used to go to a program for kids with ASD that was an hour away, he had to take medication to get through the drive. He is very very book smart, but can completely shut down at the drop of a hat if something has gone wrong. I have spent a fair amount of time dealing with school issues this year just for him. I am quite worried how things will go.

Okay, then, I think it's safe to say that a college that is a 6 hour drive won't work for someone with that level of anxiety. He has an acceptance at UTD, right? Could he start there if he really, really wants to live in a dorm? He could just take Texas Core classes until he knows what he wants to major in. They're things like US history, US and TX government, composition, math, science, art appreciation, a social science and communications. He might find a major he likes at UTD or he can easily transfer.

If he doesn't care about living in a dorm and is willing to stay at home, I'd recommend starting at your local CC in the honors college. He'd take the same Texas Core classes and could get involved gently in the honors and PTK activities. At our CC, the honors coordinator is very good about letting students know about all the opportunities they have available and will walk them through the applications since many kids are first generation students. There's also a transfer center to help get students ready to transfer and walk them through the process. This might be enough scaffolding for him to start to self advocate and allow you to step back a bit.

[Lanny]

5 hours ago, Janeway said:

He has flip flopped so much that I am on the verge of not sending him. He does not know what he wants to major in. He hates to talk about it. <snip> I have spent a fair amount of time dealing with school issues this year just for him. I am quite worried how things will go. 

My DD applied as "Undeclared" or "Undecided" or something like that.  My DD had some thoughts about a couple of possible Majors. When she took courses in them, she completely lost interest... Today, she asked me about why I became a Software Engineer. I hope that when she selects a Major that it will be something that she finds interesting and a challenge for her brainpower. I suspect that possibly although there was a huge time lapse between Pre Calculus and Calculus that she is doing OK with Calculus. And she is taking Robotics. 

The bottom line with this line of thought is that if your DS begins as "Undecided" or "Undeclared" or something, in a school where they expose the students to all kinds of different subjects, that he might find a subject that he would enjoy majoring in.  

Thank you for the additional information. I understand more of the multiple issues involved here and this has some problematic possibilities.

<snip>  Basically, he has book smarts with no life skills. 

Yes.  Much good luck to your DS!   And, also, to you and your DH!

 

[Lanny]

3 hours ago, GoodGrief1 said:

 FWIW, my college senior got a lot of help from me for her apps and neither of my college students filled out their own FAFSAs.

I'm sure he has a lot of other issues, but just wanted to say that I think getting overwhelmed with paperwork can be pretty normal. Mine were good students despite that 🙂 And they do eventually learn.

Are you sure the dorm is closed for fall break too? That would surprise me, though it's not unusual for them to close for Thanksgiving, winter, and spring breaks.

 

In a large university, they may have one (1) dorm that is open during Fall Break and Spring Break and maybe over the long Xmas/New Years holiday also. The International Students would find that a very attractive option when selecting a dorm.

[katilac]

Their dorms actually don't close for fall break but I'm thinking that's probably not the main issue after reading your update. They close for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break.

How long ago was the hour drive that required anxiety meds? Has that improved significantly or not? 

I think I agree with chigquirre that he probably needs to be quite close by if he requires that level of support. You may need to narrow down his decisions for him; you can go to X or Y. If only Z will work, then tell him that. If that means a last minute app to a local with rolling admissions or a CC, then so be it, that's fine. It's also fine if you are simply unable to provide that level of support even if he is nearby, but you have to decide and let him know. 

 

 

 

[BusyMom5]

Do your closer CC have dorms?  Ours do, and I've known a few parents who have found it a great transition for kids that need more parent support.  We are about a hour from there, so the kids could easily commute, but living in the dorms provides a separation from mom and dad that they need to grow.  They can still check in and see them often.  Other pros are smaller class size, smaller campus, and smaller town (i do realize these may not be pros to every kid)  If it were me, I wouldn't have even looked at places that far away for a student like you are describing.   My high achiever is only looking up to 4 hours away bc we want her to be able to come home as often as she would like.  We have younger kids and I hope she still builds relationships with them!!!  

[Chris in VA]

So I'm wondering if you all have thought about medication to help with anxiety? Zoloft is also given to help with ASD.  And there are therapies to gain some mastery over typical ASD challenges. Perhaps you have already investigated all of this. But in case you haven't, I will also mention that many colleges have ASD supports in place. He can ask for accomodations, and may even have free groups or therapy available on campus. 

Ds has learned how to manage a number of his ASD challenges, as have I. One does not need to view them as impossible to overcome. 

[1shortmomto4]

I totally understand your concerns as a parent to a few kids with major issues to include ASD.  My ds earned his AA and then transferred to a university to finish his bachelors.  The drive was 3 hours which was my limit.  3 hours up and 3 back and manageable in a day.  I felt like I could get to him quickly if he needed help but 6 hours would definitely be of concern to me unless I had family that was closer and could help.  One thing you may or may not have considered is what supports do these universities offer for your ds?  I think that is probably about as important as the 6 hour drive.  Bigger universities tend not to do a good job in supporting students that need a lot of support.  It is one thing for all the accommodations to be on paper, but it is an entirely different thing in real life.  As your ds transitions he most likely is going to need a lot of foundational support and he most likely won't be flying solo that first year - it may take 3 or almost to the end before he truly gains the confidence needed.  I wish, like you, that these kids didn't struggle so and could easily adjust because then it would be manageable and reasonable and something to consider but it just isn't that easy for these young people.  Maybe some conversations about why he was drawn to that school - since he's not sure about a degree path there must have been something else that drew his interest.  Perhaps dig a little deeper into that (if possible) and maybe that draw could be found in the school closer to home and you just need to show him that it is, indeed, there, too.  This is so hard.  We want our kids to be successful and we want to give them the confidence but the consequences can be so overwhelming and great that it is hard to know how to proceed. 

[chiguirre]

@1shortmomto4's comment made me remember something. TAMU has a living learning program for students with ASD called Spectrum. That might be something to take a look at.

https://reslife.tamu.edu/living/llcs/available/spectrum/

Edited February 14, 2020 by chiguirre