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About FuzzyCatz

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    Googleplex master of hivedom

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    Residing in mayhem

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    Homeschooling mom

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  1. Have you already told them you will be hosting a rehearsal dinner? I think in this day and age in many families there is no preset obligations for families to provide. We paid for the majority of our own wedding 20 years ago and we certainly paid for our rehearsal dinner. I think it's fine to say you are gifting them money as a wedding gift and they can use it for the wedding, a rehearsal dinner, baby's college account, diapers, setting up their house, etc. ETA - to be clear, I'd gift them the money and let them know you're fine if they want a rehearsal dinner and will help with that if that is in your wheelhouse. I just think a lot of young couples especially with young kids might choose to spend on something like that more conservatively than if you were hosting and they had the money in hand. Maybe it's a potluck or order pizza at the park instead of a sit down with a rented space or whatever.
  2. I'd encourage her to set some clear boundaries for herself. Honestly, with their tone I'd encourage her that she should consider telling them they need family counseling if they want to work on the relationship because she doesn't feel like she's being heard or understood. It sounds like she could use therapy on her own too if she isn't getting that right now. Her anxiety is probably rooted in these unhealthy relationship dynamics and it can be extremely helpful to parse through that. Is she financially dependent on her parents? Was it assumed she'd be moving back home after graduating with her AA? Her previous living situation is a bit unclear here if she can't cook simple meals at age 21 but did have some degree of independence? Most 21 year old young adults can follow recipes without direct instruction. I think it's noble to want to help a young person that struggling like this. But there is a fine line between helping and enabling. Enabling those with anxiety is common. So you might to make sure boundaries are set up so it doesn't lead to resentment on your part. It's ok if you can't solve every problem for her. Including this one. These types of dynamics aren't simple and she's going to have to decide to set clear boundaries or not. She's not likely to become emotionally healthy until she is willing and able to do that. ETA - I really like how Lemon stated this above. I think therapy would be extremely helpful and I'd be hesitant to do much more than encourage that step.
  3. Oh - I'd be super frustrated as a parent with this. My kids are going to need to work during theirs summers through college We are prepared make some financial allowances if they have a unique low/no pay internship opportunity but earning spending money and covering basic expenses is part of the program. And siting around all summer doing nothing is not something healthy adults are going to do around here. I'd personally say fine, but find something else close to home then with similar hours and earning potential. I'd especially be frustrated and possibly pushing if this is related to his major/career path. Anyway - I just noticed that you haven't pushed him to get a job so I guess that's less surprising if he imagined himself relaxing at home all summer. Parenting young adults is hard! I'm sorry!
  4. I think this is very individual. I've watched a few friend's college have some serious college start up struggles, both with NT teens and teens with quirks. My thought has always been what if there is an emergency situation? Can the budget handle extra travel that first year for a kid feeling homesick or needing support? Is your kid good at communication with you as a parent? The launch to college is SO many changes all at once, I think even with success there can be hiccups during the adjustment period. My NT but a bit quirky senior is heading to a school about 4 hours from home this fall. We're prepared to do some extra back and forth this first year especially. I'm also encouraging the kid to plug into some communities there that I think will be a good it for him. Having a decent social peer group out of the gate could make the world of difference for this kid. I am someone who transferred after my first year of college. That would have/could have made a world of difference to me. I do think colleges are doing a better job at helping students create community than I went.
  5. I much prefer to make it. I order berries off of amazon during the off season to last all year.
  6. I think choir is invaluable for this. Individual voice lessons are really irreplaceable. I’d say if you really wanted to play around with you tube suggestions record yourself and listen. Part of the problem with many new singers especially those who haven’t taken other music lessons is they don’t know when they are matching pitch. Use a piano or a piano app to try and match pitch. I have a kid launching to a vocal performance program at a university this fall. His best set up to sing prior to voice lessons was learning piano. My daughter is similar but she plays violin.
  7. There is no way I would send my kid to a school 45 minutes from home. Only possible exception is if a parent was employed within very close range of the school. Especially if it were financially difficult with college looming. If you really wanted to try school, I would try the public or the closer private school (although maybe cost is also an issue here?) and just let your daughter know if it doesn't work well you may need to rethink strategy. Or I'd be looking around for other co-op, volunteer, extracurricular options and and other social groups for homeschooling teens. Most of the things my homeschool teens participate in are after school hours with kids that mostly attend traditional school (music, theater, art, volunteer youth counsel, etc). My senior has dual enrolled the last couple years and that has worked well.
  8. I have 2 high schoolers and no way would I do this for either of them unless it was something we really needed in the house for their health or schooling. They would be welcome to set an alarm if they wanted to watch an auction early in the morning. $200 is a lot of money for one of my kids that are living rent free to spend and I'd want them clearly thinking through that and being 100% responsible for it. I think your daughter is right. My oldest has been slower at executive function and I have provided supports for really important things. Doctor, dental, vision appointments, college application calendars and organization, teaching him how to use google calendar and setting up reminders for himself, etc.
  9. Honestly, my high stat kid applying to dual degree programs found this the bigger issue. Some of those performing arts profs don't want their students to double degree. Even if all the literature says they're super double degree friendly. CMU is one school where he heard one thing from admissions and another directly from faculty. Just ask the hard questions if 2 different areas are what you really want. And don't waste time on schools where profs balk at dual degree. No matter what admissions say. The profs of auditioned programs are the ones filtering out before auditions. ETA - I know plenty of people who've gone to unifieds and had good luck with that process. That is very typical. It is nice to visit campuses though.
  10. As an aside, I have seen a few instances of a neuro atypical kid launching afar to college and it not going well. The cost is so much higher when you can't get a kid home for the weekend or can't easily go rescue them. If finances are an issue and you don't have some travel budget padding available, I'd probably stay away from those options. If he did do CC for 2 years, you could re-evaluate later too. Or does he attend school?
  11. People at state schools change their major ALL the time. It can be a little hairy if you're going between colleges (i.e. liberal arts to engineering, engineering to business, etc) but otherwise it isn't that tough. My kid applied to a dual degree program at a public flagship and his 2nd degree is currently undeclared. I think you really need to look at public schools individually in terms of price/FA/merit and what supports and services they might have for disability. Sometimes a larger institution can have more infrastructure and budget for services and profs may be more used to follow through. On that note, if you do have kid that may trip or change major, it's good to think of needing to making it work for 5 years regardless of school of choice. Have you run the NPCs for the schools you are looking at? Do any of them look good from that perspective? Is there competitive merit he might qualify for? Honestly, I wouldn't waste time on more than a couple apps where the NPC didn't look ok out of the gate and in that case only when you know they might go above and beyond for some. I assume you're needing a lot of need based aid? My kid needed TONS of secretarial help with the college process and he is NT (GT and a bit slow on EF development). He could have gotten apps out to maybe 3-4 by RD round without supervision and without music supplements. He applied to 10 I think. He applied to music schools though and auditioned programs are ALL competitive even at schools you've never heard of. His essays were sounding pretty ridiculous by the end. On that note, apply to schools in the order they are most likely to work out academically and financially. I personally think especially with finances on play parents should be involved. And I just organized the calendar and spreadsheets and did some secretarial/input work for him (he needed resumes is several formats, music videos, etc). He was doing dual enrollment and 20-30 hours a week of extracurricular stuff through the fall and I wasn't paying attention to any of that. If the finances are looking rough everywhere but the CC, just let your kid know ahead of time to prepare for that eventuality. If he does struggle with executive function, etc, it might not be a bad intermediate step to have him doing CC classes at home. My kid has dual enrolled for a couple years now (graduating this spring) and that has given him and me much more confidence in terms of launching him to a residential and rigorous 4 year program.
  12. I just ordered a cute comfortable dress for my 14 year old from Mod Cloth.
  13. Well my oldest is graduating this spring but I'll play! -- What led you to homeschool? My oldest went to kindergarten. That was always our plan and thought nothing of it. During kindergarten my kid starting reading chapter books, complaining about boredom, and then hit the ceiling of the school's GT screener. He had a high energy male teacher so kindergarten year was ok. We applied to get into a GT magnet for first grade. That is purely a lottery to get into and he did not. He sat at number 5 on the waitlist all year. In the meantime, he began acting out in first grade with a very old school, vanilla teacher that took recess from boys that acted up during classroom time. By the end of first a break with homeschooling for a year seemed right. We was cranky and had a rep at school at this point. I was home with a preschooler at the time. Well homeschooling was the obvious fit for this kid. He did a lot of extracurriculars. It didn't require tons of work on my part to keep that kid learning. I was prepared to let my younger try kindy if she wanted, but she didn't. She has been homeschooled since. We offered high school to both kids. Neither wanted to play. My youngest is a 9th grader now. -- How was your child homeschooled in the high school years? (Did you use WTM as a guide? Did your child take out of the home, online classes, or college classes?) I would say eclectically. We used online classes, self guided materials, a classics book club, some co-op classes, I have tech degrees, we've always done math at home. Dual enrollment is free for 11th and 12th graders in my state, so he has used the last 2 years. He takes 3 music lessons a week and does theater in multiple settings. He has done paid recording work and professional work at times. He is graduating with 32 college credits with a 4.0 and has a 99% ACT score, so I think we did ok. -- What did your child do after graduating? What is your child doing now? He applied to a variety of schools with music programs. He wanted to double degree or double major depending on the program. He was accepted to 6 schools and wait listed one. 2 accepted schools would be considered highly competitive. He will be attending a flagship university in the honors program and was also accepted into a music studio of primarily grad students to continue his music studies. This is not the college he envisioned attending but works best for our budget, the flexibility he wants to balance academics and music, and a top notch music faculty that is off the radar of most top music program lists. He will be able to get an undergrad debt free as well at this school.
  14. I add oxiclean to every load and I think that helps our laundry quite a lot. (Our regular detergent is Tide HE)
  15. Yay congrats, cuckoomamma! I'm glad you all can move on! 🎉❤️🥂🎂
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