SquirrellyMama Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 If your teen son brought his girlfriend to the family Christmas gathering (invited by teen boys mom), and she didn't bring a gift would you have any ill feelings against her or her family? Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Absolutely not. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 No, that seems incredibly petty. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 How apparent is it that this is an occasion for which everyone brings a gift? Who is the gift for -- the hosts? A freeform gift exchange where everything's thrown in a pile and then everyone gets one? Was she aware this was what's going on? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 Ok good. I'm so bad about social niceties sometimes. My dd thought the gathering was tomorrow but it's today. This is the 2nd gathering and the 2nd time I'm thinking she should have a gift at the last minute. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 2 minutes ago, GailV said: How apparent is it that this is an occasion for which everyone brings a gift? Who is the gift for -- the hosts? A freeform gift exchange where everything's thrown in a pile and then everyone gets one? Was she aware this was what's going on? No clue on any of this. He's a great kid, but not very forthcoming on details 🙂 Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 No, I suspect the girl had no idea she needed to. I feel bad for her. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 No, I would never have ill feelings toward someone who went to a gathering and didn't bring a gift. That includes weddings and the apparently obligatory hostess gift. I'm interested in the story behind this question. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 (edited) 13 minutes ago, SquirrellyMama said: If your teen son brought his girlfriend to the family Christmas gathering (invited by teen boys mom), and she didn't bring a gift would you have any ill feelings against her or her family? Kelly Nope. Not unless that expectation was made clear at the time of invitation. Edited December 23, 2018 by Sneezyone 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 (edited) 9 minutes ago, SquirrellyMama said: No clue on any of this. He's a great kid, but not very forthcoming on details 🙂 OK, so it's your daughter and her boyfriend invited her? I would help her find a way to tell him she needs more details on the event and expectations, maybe not for today but going forward. It is very easy to inadvertently offend a prospective in-law family simply through ignorance of the family's expectations. Edited December 23, 2018 by marbel 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 33 minutes ago, Seasider too said: Same. And on the way make a quick stop for a box of chocolates for the hostess. Drug stores even sell them already wrapped for this time of year. ETA if I were the hostess, I wouldn’t think a thing of no gift for the gathering. But a little spiff for the hostess would make me smile at her thoughtfulness. I can suggest a box of chocolates. That's a good idea. Kelly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 A teen girl? Absolutely not. Teens are welcome without giving presents 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 (edited) A small hostess gift is always appropriate. The good manners accompanying the giving of the gift (handing over the gift with a smile, genuine warmth, and verbal appreciation for the mama of the boy) will help make up for any other missed opportunities that the boyfriend might have failed to communicate. Another good "people touch" is for your daughter to watch for an opportunity to lend a hand, offering to help clear dishes, put food away, rinse dishes, or amuse small children. (We taught my kids to do similar, and unexpectedly, we got appreciative feedback from other parents...what a delight it was to have Sammy or Suzy over. It's one of the things I think we got right in parenting, thankfully!) I hope your dd has a wonderful time! Quote ETA: If chocolates don't seem right, many stores sell other treats: festive popcorn canisters, hot chocolate, etc., which the hostess could choose to share with guests if so desired. Edited December 23, 2018 by Halftime Hope 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 59 minutes ago, SquirrellyMama said: . My dd thought the gathering was tomorrow but it's today. This is the 2nd gathering and the 2nd time I'm thinking she should have a gift at the last minute. 58 minutes ago, SquirrellyMama said: No clue on any of this. He's a great kid, but not very forthcoming on details 🙂 It happens and even my extrovert relatives aren’t great at providing details except on wedding invitations. I would have thought the guy forgot to tell his girlfriend for my side of the family. My husband (college schoolmate) had to be reminded by his aunts about gatherings and he was already mid 20s when we were dating. We had made many trips to the supermarket to buy cookies, and/or chocolates as gifts. Would there be a New Year’s Eve gathering? I would just get a hostess gift in case. We tend to drop by Walgreens on Christmas and many young adults are usually shopping there for hostess gifts to last minute parties. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 no, I wouldn't expect one. how old is the girl? 2 hours ago, SquirrellyMama said: If your teen son brought his girlfriend to the family Christmas gathering (invited by teen boys mom), and she didn't bring a gift would you have any ill feelings against her or her family? Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 26 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said: no, I wouldn't expect one. how old is the girl? She's 17 and her mother is socially inept. I'm her mother 🙂 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 No. I'd be concerned that she might feel awkward if she receives gifts but doesn't give any. I wouldn't hold any ill will towards her whatsoever. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 I would never feel that way! I enjoy giving gifts to my sons' girlfriends but I would never expect anything back. It makes me happy to give them things. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 DH responded "No, she's a teen--all she's there for us to eat!" Lol I can't imagine how anyone would have the expectation she bring something. OTOH, I would certainly be sure to have something for HER. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 No, not at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 14 minutes ago, MEmama said: DH responded "No, she's a teen--all she's there for us to eat!" Lol I know this is a typo, but it made me laugh! 😄 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 No, but a food gift for the family would still be a nice touch, regardless of if they have anything for her, besides the meal. I vote for a box of chocolates from Walgreen's to be picked up on the way. Popcorn tins can be iffy - sometimes the tin is gorgeous, but there's hardly any popcorn inside... or it's stale. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 No, of course not. With the additional details (that is, this is your dd), I might hunt around for a bottle of wine she could offer as a hostess gift, but definitely no biggie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 (edited) I wouldn't have assumed gifts were expected.... but that's my family culture. Our family dinners (including Christmas) are always potluck style so bringing a gift for the host seems weird.... lol. Our traditional Christmas Eve dinner only includes gifts for the grandkids from my parents. We stopped doing sibling exchanges years ago. Also, since it's something the adults arrange and coordinate, I would never expect the young adults or teenagers to do more than show up. Edited December 23, 2018 by DesertBlossom 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
May Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 At that age, I wouldn’t think twice about her not bringing a gift. But going forward, a hostess/ host gift is always appropriate unless the invitation reads “please don’t bring one.” Flowers or chocolates are my go to hostess gifts🎄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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