Me Time. A discussion.......

[Erica in PA]

My honest reaction to that post is that while it sounds good in theory, many people who actually try to live that way will burn out. I am glad that she is happy with her current approach, but if in the future she finds it less enjoyable than she does right now, she shouldn't feel guilty about taking some time for herself. And no one should think those who do take time for themselves is less-than for doing so.

[elegantlion]

I'm sort of repeating what several of you have already said, but the tone of her post bothers me more than the content. It's possible she WAS being selfish and trying to escape from her family, and has realized that and is changing her way.

 

But the tone comes across as: If I have this problem, you must have it, too, and you need to fix it.

 

Hey, I know the temptation to think that way! If God starts dealing with me about any thing in my life, big or little, one of the first things I think is "Oh, Friend X and Friend Y need to change this, too...how can I tell them about what I've learned?" Suddenly it becomes not about what I need to do, but about fixing them.

 

I'm introverted, too, so I agree with all who have posted about the difficulties of recharging without "me time". I have already told my DH that I'm staying home from prayer meeting tomorrow night because it's been too long since I've been in a quiet, empty house.

 

And now half of you are thinking "But prayer meeting is exactly what you need! Don't miss the fellowship and accountability and prayer and praise! You'll feel so much better." and the other half are trying to figure out how to skip prayer meeting without feeling like heretics. Can I get an "Amen" here? :tongue_smilie:

 

Amen!:iagree:

[Fourmother]

When I hear women say they need time to be themselves - they need "me time" all I can think is, "Who are you all the other times?" do you have split personalities? :confused::tongue_smilie:

 

Actually, yes. Maybe I do have a split personality. In addition to being me, I am also mother, accountant, laundress, drill sergeant, consort, nurse, director of procurement, teacher, maid, principal, chauffeur, chief cook and bottle washer. :D

 

A few months ago I started going to a knitting group to get away from my house and family for a few hours a week. Though I like chatting with other women about the fiber arts, one of my favorite parts of the outing is definitely the time alone in my car or on the subway. Oh, the glorious peace and quiet! Before I started carving this time out for myself, I was constantly exhausted and irritable. My dh was not initially supportive. His mother was a person who never expressed a need to take time for herself, so he didn't understand. He thought all women were like his mother. Now he remarks that I function much better when I've had a break, and respects my need for a little space.

 

I leave my kids with a to do list of chores which dh enforces while I'm gone. This way there isn't a big mess waiting for me when I walk through the door. The chore list guarantees that I am just as happy to come home as I am to go out. I get a few hours to myself, and the dishes and vacuuming get still get done! It's like the cherry on top.

 

I believe I have found a way to protect my mental health and foster responsibility in my kids. I've also succeeded in earning greater appreciation from my husband who gets a small taste of what I do every day. I invest 3 hours a week in myself, and it pays off in big dividends for the whole family. Does it make me selfish? Well, if enjoying a little time to myself is wrong, then I don't want to be right! ;)

 

I don't judge any mother who doesn't need or want "me time." I just pity the fool who tries to get between me and my Saturday afternoon knitting group.

Edited November 19, 2008 by Fourmother

[Melanie]

I consider any time I've set aside to pursue my own personal interests to be "me time" and have only recently been able to let go of the guilt associated with such personal activities.

 

I guess that's the thing that gets me the most - the guilt women feel when they want to leave the house. I don't understand why you (and of course I am referring to the universal "you" here) would feel guilty about disappearing for a few hours a day if that's what you want to do. If you have older kids, leave them at home. If you have younger kids, there's no reason why a dad or a grandmother or a paid babysitter shouldn't step in and help you out. And ask whoever is staying to do the dishes while you're gone.

 

Of course it isn't always possible to leave whenever we want to. But wouldn't getting up a few hours before anyone else provide you with enough time to yourself? I still do that even though my kids are older and I can leave whenever I like because I prefer to be calm for a while before we start math. :tongue_smilie:

[LisaKinVA]

I'm not an escapist, and I love being with my children. That said, I need *me time* -- quiet solace. Sharing such a small space (the only living area is 13x 20 -- which houses my working desk, the school computer, the family room, and adjoins the 8' food prep galley w/ microwave) with my growing family means that I am constantly surrounded by noise. I'm very sensitive to noise (I have the tv tuned to just over a whisper, dh has to watch it loud enough to make the walls shake). The noise alone can bring about migranes and nausea for me... it's a real, physical need to get that quiet time daily.

 

Some people have the luxury of getting up before the children are up -- but my kids are up by 6:00am (at the latest), and I physically need at least 8 hours of sleep, so getting up at 5:30 is really hard, unless I can be in bed by 8:30 (and that's not easy when dh isn't ready for bed until 11:00!)

 

My dh understands, and will take care of the dishes, read the kiddos a story, just so I can have time to be quiet. Then he can have unfettered cuddle time with someone who is thinking about HIM without thinking about 80 million other things... we're a team. And, when he's not here, I definitely feel it.

 

Dad has his "me time" too -- we were individuals long before we were married, and partners years before we were parents. Each person is different, and has a different level of "need." But, I don't think a person is necessarilly selfish because they need that down time.

[Melanie]

 

And now half of you are thinking "But prayer meeting is exactly what you need! Don't miss the fellowship and accountability and prayer and praise! You'll feel so much better." and the other half are trying to figure out how to skip prayer meeting without feeling like heretics. Can I get an "Amen" here? :tongue_smilie:

 

AMEN! Though I don't know that an "Amen" from a heretic like me is worth much. :tongue_smilie:

[LisaKinVA]

Okay, I had no need to post... What she said :D

 

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. I guess first by saying I pretty much agree w/ you.

 

I see generalizations flying around this lady's article & this thread like...I don't know...water balloons in a water balloon fight?

 

I don't really see how one person can take her experience w/ one aspect of her life & make a blanket statement about this aspect of everyone else's life. "Me" time didn't work for her. Could be personality, could be execution. From what I read, looks like both.

 

She says that "me" time is bad because it breeds resentment. It sounds like she was resentful independent of her time alone. It sounds like her resentment might have needed to be addressed separately.

 

I have a neighbor who feels this way--when she has time alone, she just craves more & more of it. But she has a dh who's not very supportive & dc who...get away w/ a little more, etc. She does get worn out & over-extended, & I'll bet that does breed resentment & make her not want to come back after time away.

 

She's also got a different personality from me. I don't function well in groups. My blood pressure goes up, & I get exhausted very quickly from trying to fend off all the awkward things I'm liable to say, lol.

 

Family is definitely different, & I'm quite happy to spend my life w/ these interesting folks who've been born to me, but for me to be myself w/ them, I have to have time to be that self alone. Not all the time. Not every week. Not in an extravagant time-wasting sort of way.

 

You know the reclusive artists & writers who live alone (redundant, sorry!) in an old shack on a cliff overlooking the beach? That would be me. I come out & live in the world as a sort of sacrifice for my family. Or I let them into my shell.

 

But I have so much going on in my head, my other world that is invisible, that sometimes all the voices coming from outside clash w/ all the voices coming from inside, & I need to be able to turn some of them off for a time.

 

Given the choice between time w/ dh & time alone, I always choose time w/ him. Because of that, & because he knows how much I need time alone, he sometimes takes the dc & insists that I work on my writing, sewing, drawing, whatever. Sometimes I just sit & make lists. He understands. He's different, but he understands.

 

Finally, though, I wouldn't call this "me" time if I were going to give it a name. I think the nomenclature in itself is misleading, esp to those who *don't* need it. For me, it has to do w/ 2 things. I need time to create.

 

That's 1 aspect of it. But I'm also...more sensitive to stimulus than other people seem to be. The grocery store is like a wild rock concert for me. I don't *go* to wild rock concerts, lol. An hour on the playground w/ other people's kids is like...working security at a high-risk event or something. I feel like I have to watch every detail of everything very closely & use perfect diplomacy the whole time, etc.

 

Sure, my family's different, but if most people feel like being w/ 4 dc--3 of them 5 & under--is exhausting & stressful & makes your ears bleed w/ the constant neediness of them all, then maybe someone can understand how it is for me. It's stressful!

 

People who work in stressful jobs professionally exhibit the effects of this if they don't deal w/ it in some constructive way. Time away from the job is key. Just because some (social workers, police officers, etc.) become alcoholics in their time off does NOT mean that none of them should ever have time off. I think the same is true for moms.

[jonesloonybin]

You know the reclusive artists & writers who live alone (redundant, sorry!) in an old shack on a cliff overlooking the beach? That would be me. I come out & live in the world as a sort of sacrifice for my family. Or I let them into my shell.

 

But I have so much going on in my head, my other world that is invisible, that sometimes all the voices coming from outside clash w/ all the voices coming from inside, & I need to be able to turn some of them off for a time.

 

Given the choice between time w/ dh & time alone, I always choose time w/ him. Because of that, & because he knows how much I need time alone, he sometimes takes the dc & insists that I work on my writing, sewing, drawing, whatever. Sometimes I just sit & make lists. He understands. He's different, but he understands.

 

 

...But I'm also...more sensitive to stimulus than other people seem to be. The grocery store is like a wild rock concert for me. I don't *go* to wild rock concerts, lol. An hour on the playground w/ other people's kids is like...working security at a high-risk event or something. I feel like I have to watch every detail of everything very closely & use perfect diplomacy the whole time, etc.

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I feel like you must be my twin..and your dh is my dh's twin (except my dh is an introvert like me..in fact he says before we got married he never really left the house except to work.)

 

What you said is EXACTLY how I am.

[WTMCassandra]

I'm sort of repeating what several of you have already said, but the tone of her post bothers me more than the content. It's possible she WAS being selfish and trying to escape from her family, and has realized that and is changing her way.

 

But the tone comes across as: If I have this problem, you must have it, too, and you need to fix it.

 

Hey, I know the temptation to think that way! If God starts dealing with me about any thing in my life, big or little, one of the first things I think is "Oh, Friend X and Friend Y need to change this, too...how can I tell them about what I've learned?" Suddenly it becomes not about what I need to do, but about fixing them.

 

I'm introverted, too, so I agree with all who have posted about the difficulties of recharging without "me time". I have already told my DH that I'm staying home from prayer meeting tomorrow night because it's been too long since I've been in a quiet, empty house.

 

And now half of you are thinking "But prayer meeting is exactly what you need! Don't miss the fellowship and accountability and prayer and praise! You'll feel so much better." and the other half are trying to figure out how to skip prayer meeting without feeling like heretics. Can I get an "Amen" here? :tongue_smilie:

 

I'll join that "Amen" chorus! :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

You know, I read that blog entry and I came away with something very different. My overall impression of what she was saying was a very positive, uplifting message. I believed that she meant we should value our roles as mothers and wives more than we do. I heard her say that we should stop listening to the world tell us we need to "escape" our roles into "Me Time" to be fulfilled and instead see the intrinsic value in parenting/family time/etc. I saw a woman valuing my decision to serve my family and who believed that my family was worth the time I spent on them!

 

What I DIDN'T hear was the blogger saying that there was anything wrong with needing time away from my family, time to take care of myself, to pursue other interests, etc. What I did hear was the blogger saying we should not put "Me Time" on such a pedestal that it is the goal of our existence, the thing we long for all day long, the thing we strive for so hard that we feel slighted when we don't get it enough. That, I think, is what she meant by the "Me Time Myth"...the idea that Me Time is the only means to fulfillment and anything that keeps us from that (ie, kids, family, etc.) is not worth our time.

 

Actually, the most important thing that I took away from the article was that "Me Time" would not recharge my batteries in the way that spending that same amount of time with the Lord would! As a Christian, that resonates for me. My batteries are recharged far more quickly by time spent in prayer, in God's Word, in worship. Not to say that I don't find rejuvenation in time with friends, at the mall, etc., but those things are more temporal to me than the real kick I get from seeing myself through God's loving eyes!

 

So, I guess you can take from the article what you want. It's all in the eye of the beholder. I found it uplifting and saved it for future reading.

 

:iagree:

[KidsHappen]

I don't really see how one person can take her experience w/ one aspect of her life & make a blanket statement about this aspect of everyone else's life. "Me" time didn't work for her. Could be personality, could be execution. From what I read, looks like both.

 

She says that "me" time is bad because it breeds resentment. It sounds like she was resentful independent of her time alone. It sounds like her resentment might have needed to be addressed separately.

 

I have a neighbor who feels this way--when she has time alone, she just craves more & more of it. But she has a dh who's not very supportive & dc who...get away w/ a little more, etc. She does get worn out & over-extended, & I'll bet that does breed resentment & make her not want to come back after time away.

 

She's also got a different personality from me. I don't function well in groups. My blood pressure goes up, & I get exhausted very quickly from trying to fend off all the awkward things I'm liable to say, lol.

 

Family is definitely different, & I'm quite happy to spend my life w/ these interesting folks who've been born to me, but for me to be myself w/ them, I have to have time to be that self alone. Not all the time. Not every week. Not in an extravagant time-wasting sort of way.

 

You know the reclusive artists & writers who live alone (redundant, sorry!) in an old shack on a cliff overlooking the beach? That would be me. I come out & live in the world as a sort of sacrifice for my family. Or I let them into my shell.

 

But I have so much going on in my head, my other world that is invisible, that sometimes all the voices coming from outside clash w/ all the voices coming from inside, & I need to be able to turn some of them off for a time.

 

Given the choice between time w/ dh & time alone, I always choose time w/ him. Because of that, & because he knows how much I need time alone, he sometimes takes the dc & insists that I work on my writing, sewing, drawing, whatever. Sometimes I just sit & make lists. He understands. He's different, but he understands.

 

Finally, though, I wouldn't call this "me" time if I were going to give it a name. I think the nomenclature in itself is misleading, esp to those who *don't* need it. For me, it has to do w/ 2 things. I need time to create.

 

That's 1 aspect of it. But I'm also...more sensitive to stimulus than other people seem to be. The grocery store is like a wild rock concert for me. I don't *go* to wild rock concerts, lol. An hour on the playground w/ other people's kids is like...working security at a high-risk event or something. I feel like I have to watch every detail of everything very closely & use perfect diplomacy the whole time, etc.

 

Sure, my family's different, but if most people feel like being w/ 4 dc--3 of them 5 & under--is exhausting & stressful & makes your ears bleed w/ the constant neediness of them all, then maybe someone can understand how it is for me. It's stressful!

 

People who work in stressful jobs professionally exhibit the effects of this if they don't deal w/ it in some constructive way. Time away from the job is key. Just because some (social workers, police officers, etc.) become alcoholics in their time off does NOT mean that none of them should ever have time off. I think the same is true for moms.

 

:iagree: I'll just que up behind Aubrey here.

[Danestress]

She seems a bit shallow and simplistic. I don't call time spent reading books, learning new skills or helping out a friend, "Me Time." I just call those things "reading a book," or "learning a skill," or "helping out a friend." Maybe because I never had to really fight for those things, I never really thought that hard about it.

 

But I've always managed to have time alone in my life - to take my dog for a long walk or to read a book or meet a friend. I've never divided my time up into "me" time and "family" time - it's all just part of my life. It doesn't feel selfish to me that I have it, but other than when my twins were tiny nursing babies, those things have always been there.

 

I really love time with my family and truly enjoy my children. I very seldom have felt a need to "get away from it all" because they are really a pleasure. But I've also never had a hard time figuring out how to sit down with a book for half an hour during the day or how to take a walk alone. I just made it happen. Or some days, I didn't but didn't really miss it, I guess.

 

If DH had been deployed when they were small, that would have been different. But even so, my kids were always asleep by 8:30. How bad can I feel about picking up a book at that point?

 

Edited to admit that I only have 3 kids. I guess if you have 7 children, someone always sick or tired or needy and making it hard for Mom to go for that walk. I really do have it easy in some ways. My DH works long hours, but it wouldn't even occur to him that I shouldn't take a walk when he's home.

Edited November 19, 2008 by Danestress

[melissel]

You know, I am so relieved to read this thread, because 1) that blog post has always made me :cursing:, and 2) I feel like so much less of a freak for being so introverted.

 

You know the reclusive artists & writers who live alone (redundant, sorry!) in an old shack on a cliff overlooking the beach? That would be me. I come out & live in the world as a sort of sacrifice for my family. Or I let them into my shell.

 

But I have so much going on in my head, my other world that is invisible, that sometimes all the voices coming from outside clash w/ all the voices coming from inside, & I need to be able to turn some of them off for a time.

...

 

That's 1 aspect of it. But I'm also...more sensitive to stimulus than other people seem to be. The grocery store is like a wild rock concert for me. I don't *go* to wild rock concerts, lol. An hour on the playground w/ other people's kids is like...working security at a high-risk event or something. I feel like I have to watch every detail of everything very closely & use perfect diplomacy the whole time, etc.

 

Yes. And yes.

 

I have a tough enough time just with housekeeping, daily parenting, and homeschooling. I have limited energy. I need alone time (which to me is any time on a completely different floor from my kids...or being out alone...not with friends, and not grocery shopping) in order to refresh myself. Staying home with my kids is most important to me...but that doesn't mean that I can do that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, without some give. No one should expect that. I think that is something that a lot of homemakers/homeschoolers struggle with. We are expected to live without any time "off". I need time off in order to make the rest of the time be fruitful, loving, and productive.

 

Yes. Some people who know me think I'm trying to do it all to make some kind of point. In reality, the only real thing I've chosen to add to my schedule is homeschooling. The rest is sheer necessity. DH is working/commuting nearly 70 hours a week, trying to keep his job. If I don't cook dinner or clean the house or put the kids to bed, who else is going to do it?

 

DH is a pure extrovert. He was raised in a relatively large family and thrives on chaos and having people around constantly. He's totally energized by this. I was an only child of parents who both worked. I grew up very independent; outside of school, I was alone most of the time. Now, I'm like Aubrey. In order to truly recharge, I have to be ALONE. Not at Barnes & Noble, not at Starbucks, not in the kitchen reading while the kids are in the other room. Not alone in the house working on my paid work or running around trying to get my cleaning chores done or thinking about all the things I have to do/schedule/call about/remember/plan/clean. Otherwise, it's just a false recharge, and it doesn't help me at all.

 

I do think this is very much a personality thing. If you don't have a need for me time, you can't understand how someone else could need it like they need air or water. If you do need it that way, you probably can't fathom how someone else can thrive on life without it.

 

Oh, and ETA that I wanted to make a point about "quality" me time vs. pure escapism. Pure escapism is, for me, extremely restful. When I watch something silly and mindless like CSI or Heroes, my brain quiets down and takes a break from all the voices that Aubrey mentioned. I enjoy coming here too, but even then I'm still thinking/planning/arguing/working to make points/evaluating materials. Sometimes, I need my inner dialogue to just SHUT UP, and escapist me time is the way to make that happen. So I don't really think we can make a value judgment on that either, because again, to each her own.

Edited November 19, 2008 by melissel

[Cheryl in NM]

I haven't read the thread yet.

 

I have a good friend whose grandmother had a great impact on her parenting. Grandma always said, "I spent 25 years raising kids and had 50 "me" years. Spend your time with your kids because before you know it they'll be grown and you've lost your chance."

 

I try to remember that when I start to feel infringed upon. My purpose in life right now is to be a mom. Me time will come soon enough and there will probably be more of it than I want then!

[swellmomma]

I need me time and rarely get it which makes me covet it so much more. With special needs kids who requireme to not only be "on" 24/7 but in a full alert state 24/7, plus schooling them, working and not even having a spouse to talk to at the end of the day. I dream of running away from home just for a bit of me time. Other than taking the kids to activities, or to run necessary errands I don't get out of the house. I don't have friends to go visit etc, if I am out my kids are with me, I can't even go get groceries by myself, I have all 4 kids with me at all times. Even when sleeping, baby sleeps with me, and both boys tend to crawl in before morning, so even the little bit of sleep I get is not alone.

 

I am very introverted, I crave and need silence, and no stimulation to recharge. I have dreams of becoming a hermit in the forest. It sometimes does become an all consuming thought, getting away from the children and being alone. That said it doesn't mean I don't want to be around my children etc, I do, but I am the type of person that needs me time to keep up the energy and strength to keep on going when things get tough around here.

[melissel]

I need me time and rarely get it which makes me covet it so much more. With special needs kids who requireme to not only be "on" 24/7 but in a full alert state 24/7, plus schooling them, working and not even having a spouse to talk to at the end of the day. I dream of running away from home just for a bit of me time. Other than taking the kids to activities, or to run necessary errands I don't get out of the house. I don't have friends to go visit etc, if I am out my kids are with me, I can't even go get groceries by myself, I have all 4 kids with me at all times. Even when sleeping, baby sleeps with me, and both boys tend to crawl in before morning, so even the little bit of sleep I get is not alone.

 

I am very introverted, I crave and need silence, and no stimulation to recharge. I have dreams of becoming a hermit in the forest. It sometimes does become an all consuming thought, getting away from the children and being alone. That said it doesn't mean I don't want to be around my children etc, I do, but I am the type of person that needs me time to keep up the energy and strength to keep on going when things get tough around here.

 

Brandy :grouphug: I just don't know how single mamas manage it. Especially single mamas with special needs kids. You're amazing.

[Guest]

You know, I read that blog entry and I came away with something very different. My overall impression of what she was saying was a very positive, uplifting message. I believed that she meant we should value our roles as mothers and wives more than we do. I heard her say that we should stop listening to the world tell us we need to "escape" our roles into "Me Time" to be fulfilled and instead see the intrinsic value in parenting/family time/etc. I saw a woman valuing my decision to serve my family and who believed that my family was worth the time I spent on them!

 

What I DIDN'T hear was the blogger saying that there was anything wrong with needing time away from my family, time to take care of myself, to pursue other interests, etc. What I did hear was the blogger saying we should not put "Me Time" on such a pedestal that it is the goal of our existence, the thing we long for all day long, the thing we strive for so hard that we feel slighted when we don't get it enough. That, I think, is what she meant by the "Me Time Myth"...the idea that Me Time is the only means to fulfillment and anything that keeps us from that (ie, kids, family, etc.) is not worth our time.

 

Actually, the most important thing that I took away from the article was that "Me Time" would not recharge my batteries in the way that spending that same amount of time with the Lord would! As a Christian, that resonates for me. My batteries are recharged far more quickly by time spent in prayer, in God's Word, in worship. Not to say that I don't find rejuvenation in time with friends, at the mall, etc., but those things are more temporal to me than the real kick I get from seeing myself through God's loving eyes!

 

So, I guess you can take from the article what you want. It's all in the eye of the beholder. I found it uplifting and saved it for future reading.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm surprised how ruffled some of you seem to have been over a blog post that was just someone's opinion and not directed at any of you specifically. But, that's fine.

 

I enjoyed the article. It resonated with me, where I'm at in my life and my kids.

ETA: Thanks for the link, though!

[LauraGB]

I have only read the first six pages so far, so if this has been said already, I'm sorry.

 

I thoroughly enjoy "me" time. It is time where I can think my own thoughts and be a "grown up". What I would rather have, than fight for some time or stay up late to get it, is for my family to consider this. For instance, all day long, everyone else has something to say that must be heard. Me? Not so much - its not that I don't have something to say, but its that no one really is willing to listen. I understand that children (and yes, not knocking here, but dh as well) need to have someone to listen to them whenever they have something to say, and for the most part, I am more than willing to listen and share. Between all the household things, school, activities and anything else that may come up during a day, and being the main person who does all these things, I find myself feeling less than...considered. I've noticed that while I have made a life out of doing things for other people, not one of these individuals seem to be willing to do the same for me. I think its THAT that becomes draining and makes me want "me" time, not lack of interest or desire where my family is concerned. It may or may not be entirely true or accurate, but I think since so many of us have assumed a certain roll within the family, we tend to feel like the consideration is not necessarily returned, and that makes me want to pull back the reigns and yank a little time alone from the day. Sometimes its enough, sometimes not so much. And I don't like a lot of time away - a day or weekend alone drives me absolutely crazy, but a couple hours, maybe 30 min here or there is rather welcome. I think maybe that wouldn't be necessary if I felt someone would pour my coffee the way I pour thier juice or if someone would sweep up the dining room floor after I made the food that landed on it, or if someone would be so kind as to put my clothes away after I've washed, dried, folded them all - without being asked (a million times). Yes, I think this would be enough.

[Nestof3]

I do enjoy "ME" time -- time with a friend, time making cards, reading a book on my own.

 

But, I also understand the feeling that has creeped in that tells me I only enjoy life to its fullest when I am enjoying "ME" time. There are times I realize what I think she perhaps has felt -- that everything outside of "ME" time is work -- duty -- stuff to get out of the way so I can enjoy "ME" time. I think this is a dangerous place to get to.

 

I have found that I can do things I really enjoy (during my "ME" time) AND have a fabulous time with one of my boys -- have the best of both worlds. Sometimes, Ben loves looking at card magazines with me. Sometimes we make cards together. Sometimes we just sit on the bed and read our own books.

 

Likewise, I think everyone needs some time alone -- even my boys. I think it's healthy to be able to be alone and not go crazy.

[Peela]

Havent read the other repsonses.

 

I understand the blog poster to have had a revelation of sorts in her own journey. Her me time was an escape from the drudgery of motherhood, and she realised actually its important to also enjoy the motherhood part and relax and accept that it is a large part of your life. I can relate to the "me time" become addictive and unfulfilling, if one is not enjoying the rest of the time too.

 

But I dont agree with the story she has built up around that. It is quite possible to be present and loving and accepting in the parts of life that are spent in service to children and husbands- and feel fulfilled in that- as well as expressing other aspects of oneself in time spent away from the family, and feeling all the more fulfilled for having both. We can have our cake and eat it too. We dont have to resent being a mother to enjoy having me time, and she seems to indicate that if you want me time, you are not enjoying motherhood and you need to get over that and suck it up and enjoy it and stop wanting anything else.

 

To me its an article by an immature woman wrestling with her own demons and writing about her own journey as a mother in terms of absolutes and she is just way off base. But thats ok, thats her journey and thats what blogs are for. She might look back in 10 years time and see things differently, too.

[LG Gone Wild]

True. My mil told me once that she didn't believe in PMS, and she knew I was really struggling with it. I told her I didn't believe in grass allergies (her nemesis) and she looked surprised. It's always interesting that people rely so much on their own experiences as the litmus for what is and isn't true in life.

 

That was really good and cheeky!

[5kidsforME]

:iagree:

 

I'm surprised how ruffled some of you seem to have been over a blog post that was just someone's opinion and not directed at any of you specifically. But, that's fine.

 

I enjoyed the article. It resonated with me, where I'm at in my life and my kids.

ETA: Thanks for the link, though!

 

 

Same here. :iagree:

 

Side Note: I love your avatar! That is my desktop picture right now.

[Rosy]

Havent read the other repsonses.

 

I understand the blog poster to have had a revelation of sorts in her own journey. Her me time was an escape from the drudgery of motherhood, and she realised actually its important to also enjoy the motherhood part and relax and accept that it is a large part of your life. I can relate to the "me time" become addictive and unfulfilling, if one is not enjoying the rest of the time too.

 

But I dont agree with the story she has built up around that. It is quite possible to be present and loving and accepting in the parts of life that are spent in service to children and husbands- and feel fulfilled in that- as well as expressing other aspects of oneself in time spent away from the family, and feeling all the more fulfilled for having both. We can have our cake and eat it too. We dont have to resent being a mother to enjoy having me time, and she seems to indicate that if you want me time, you are not enjoying motherhood and you need to get over that and suck it up and enjoy it and stop wanting anything else.

 

To me its an article by an immature woman wrestling with her own demons and writing about her own journey as a mother in terms of absolutes and she is just way off base. But thats ok, thats her journey and thats what blogs are for. She might look back in 10 years time and see things differently, too.

:iagree:I think it's easy when you have a moment of clarity to see everyone's experience through your perspective, and I think that's what she is doing. I think "me time" can be selfish, but that's true of anything. When I had 4 kids 5 and under, we had a babysitter come for a couple hours a week, and it was not only a time of refreshing for me, but it made me less needy and demanding of my husband. Now I'm in a different season (and so is my babysitter, unfortunately) and I don't have that, but I'm fine without it. I get out once a week or so in the evening to run errands or go read a book or work on something. It's good for me, and I think it's good for DH and the DC to have time to relate to each other without me there.

 

I think it's unhealthy to say about anything "this is wrong and selfish and no one should ever do it", if Scripture hasn't clearly stated that. I believe that my family is to be my first and most important ministry, but that doesn't mean it is (or should be) my only ministry.

[CAMom]

I do think this is very much a personality thing. If you don't have a need for me time, you can't understand how someone else could need it like they need air or water. If you do need it that way, you probably can't fathom how someone else can thrive on life without it.

 

 

 

:iagree: Another introvert here. I go crazy with all of the over stimulation. And that doesn't mean high decibel noise. It's means just the regular noises of life. I must have quiet to recharge. I finally accept that about myself.

 

I read the article and I think that her problem was not the "me time myth." It was that she had turned her "me time" into an idol in her life. For me, it is in no way an idol. I don't have some sense of entitlement. I don't crave more and more. I don't put it over and above my family or my duties. It is simply a necessary part of who I am. Just the same as I need to eat breakfast every day, I need a bit of quiet time where nobody is touching me, talking to me, etc.

 

I certainly have other areas of my life that I struggle with as far as idolatry goes but this is simply not one of them. My husband totally understands this need (and yes, it is a need) and loves me by providing it for me. He will take the kids out for ice-cream, draw me a bath, whatever sounds refreshing to me at the moment.

 

So, I think the blog author needed a change in her heart attitude to deal with her idol but her resolution is not applicable across the board.:)

[texascamps]

I always felt I needed me time, my husband got it every year on his hunting trips or business trips. I resented him a little for that because I felt like one of those bugs where the baby bugs were just always attached.

 

But, over the years I realized I really don't want to vacation without my kids and husband. What I really wanted was about 2 hours a month to maybe go to the OB0GYN by myself or buy a bra without all of my children sitting in the changing room with me....reminds me of chasing one of my kids out of the stall half naked. My first manicure/pedicure was when my youngest child was 5 and I had a few hours while he was in school. Whew. It was my mistake though not to tell my clueless husband that I really needed to buy a bra without kids instead of assuming he could read my mind over the noise of a televised Football Game. Something about TV football blocks all senses, and cognitive ability.....

 

Now, I'm smarter, I don't need "Me time", just time where I am not encumbered by little sticky bodies so that I can get practical tasks completed.....teeth cleaning.....my goodness how many years i went without a teeth cleaning because of my small children....Ack......DMV....what a nightmare with 4 kids.........haircut, once a year by SIL at Christmas...oil changes, tire changes......even picking up dry cleaning having to extricate children from car seats just to spend 30 seconds in the store to pick up cleaning......

 

 

No, I guess I just need someone to take care of errands so I can enjoy the "us" time with my kids.

[rafiki]

.

[Haiku]

I don't agree with the author of that article at all. It seems to me that she viewed "me time" as an escape from her life rather than part of her life. There are things that I do without the rest of my family just because they are part of my life; I am on the board of an animal welfare organization, I have a seasonal part-time job, I attend a vegan advocacy group. These things are part of my life but also somewhat out of the daily routine. They are refreshing because of what they are, not because they help me "get away" from my kids and husband.

 

ETA: I am an introvert, so I need time alone. I get it by having my kids take a one-hour rest every afternoon.

 

I guess it's either a) all in how you look at it, b) a difference in personality, or c) a mix of both.

 

Tara

Edited November 19, 2008 by TaraTheLiberator

[tricia]

I don't seem to need much of me time either. Which is a good thing I guess considering I have a dozen children to look after.

[HRAAB]

I haven't read all the replies but understand what 'me time' is and understand that it is need for some people. But me time can look different for different people. Last night I stayed up an extra hour to read the new No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency book I picked up. It was me time. Felt totally fulfilled when I went to bed. A nice long soak in the bathtub works.

 

I don't really feel a need to leave the house, alone. I like roaming around bookstores with a cup of coffee, but honestly after about 20 minutes, I'd want to go find my hubby. If I'm leaving the house, I much prefer we time to me time. Dh says he gets his me time just work outside taking care of 1.5 acres. We're both introverts, much prefer home to all that noise and car fumes.

 

So while I understand and respect that others need that, I truly feel I have me time 24 hours a day because I'm doing exactly what I choose to do.

 

Janet

[WTMCassandra]

I don't function well in groups. My blood pressure goes up, & I get exhausted very quickly from trying to fend off all the awkward things I'm liable to say, lol.

 

. . .

 

You know the reclusive artists & writers who live alone (redundant, sorry!) in an old shack on a cliff overlooking the beach? That would be me. I come out & live in the world as a sort of sacrifice for my family. Or I let them into my shell.

 

But I have so much going on in my head, my other world that is invisible, that sometimes all the voices coming from outside clash w/ all the voices coming from inside, & I need to be able to turn some of them off for a time.

 

. . .

 

Just because some (social workers, police officers, etc.) become alcoholics in their time off does NOT mean that none of them should ever have time off. I think the same is true for moms.

 

Wow, Aubrey, I think you've nailed it. All of your post was good, but I quoted the parts that stood out the most to me. I feel like you are a kindred spirit! I think my dream would be to live alone in a cottage somewhere pretty surrounded by books and a few cherished possessions.

 

And I think you're absolutely right that just because some people get selfishly addicted to "me time," no Mom should ever have time "off." To me, that simply means as opposed to "on duty," not necessarily away from the house (although in a room with the door shut and earplugs on is very helpful).

[Happy]

 

You know the reclusive artists & writers who live alone (redundant, sorry!) in an old shack on a cliff overlooking the beach? That would be me. I come out & live in the world as a sort of sacrifice for my family. Or I let them into my shell.

 

But I have so much going on in my head, my other world that is invisible, that sometimes all the voices coming from outside clash w/ all the voices coming from inside, & I need to be able to turn some of them off for a time.

 

Given the choice between time w/ dh & time alone, I always choose time w/ him. Because of that, & because he knows how much I need time alone, he sometimes takes the dc & insists that I work on my writing, sewing, drawing, whatever. Sometimes I just sit & make lists. He understands. He's different, but he understands.

 

Finally, though, I wouldn't call this "me" time if I were going to give it a name. I think the nomenclature in itself is misleading, esp to those who *don't* need it. For me, it has to do w/ 2 things. I need time to create.

 

That's 1 aspect of it. But I'm also...more sensitive to stimulus than other people seem to be. The grocery store is like a wild rock concert for me. I don't *go* to wild rock concerts, lol. An hour on the playground w/ other people's kids is like...working security at a high-risk event or something. I feel like I have to watch every detail of everything very closely & use perfect diplomacy the whole time, etc.

 

 

Yes. This is me, too.

 

I call myself a creative soul because I realize I AM different than many people around me. I'm sensitive to noise and mood. I need creative time and often that time needs to be alone time. (I'm a naturally shy person who has learned to be outgoing when needed.) I'm amazed at how plentiful and big my thoughts and dreams are when I have time to think them without interruption.

 

Because my youngest is a senior, I get more time alone these days. Seasons do change. Nevertheless...I give myself a creative retreat a couple of times a year. Generally, funds don't allow me to go elsewhere so I grab the times when ds is at a friend's and dh is away and host myself right here at home. My family is giving me the gift of participating in National Novel Writing Month during November. They are cooking, tidying, and living without me at their beck and call all day. It's been a grand adventure for my creative soul, but also good for the self reliance my son can claim. (Thankfully, my mom-in-law taught all six of her sons to cook, clean, and do laundry.)

 

To feel whole, I need to create. When I don't, I get grumpy, moody, and lethargic.

 

A day planting flowers or pulling weeds counts as a creative exercise for me. A hour spent at an art gallery or in a quilt shop floods my spirit with energy. Actually, painting, writing or sewing thrills me. (Even when it frustrates me.) Diving into another world through a book is wonderful.

 

As much as I adore my family, I want my boys to understand that moms (women, in general) have dreams, goals, and skills beyond what is demonstrated in our home.

[Kimberly in IN]

I admit I have not read all of the posts but I will shout from the roof tops that I need time away from my children. I do not care if anyone thinks I am a bad parent for needing this time.

 

Dh is a vp of a large company and provides a nice lifestyle for us (who knows what tomorrow will bring with this economy). Dh works on the other side of the country, w/ facilities all over the world. He flies away Sun. night and returns Fri night or Sat. a.m. or not, if is out of country. (better economy, we would live near his office, this economy, company says they would rather fly him, keep him in a hotel and rent a car than deal w/ sale of house)

 

We do not live anywhere near family or have developed close friends. I love to have the kids' friends over but have not met anyone who is interested in having mine over to their house. Thus, my house is often bustling w/ kids. (yes, I understand when you and spouse want time to self and ask if your dc can spend the night at my house) And no, I do not have a nanny or babysitter.

 

It is travel hockey season for 3 of the kids. A true test of planning on my part.

 

yes, when dh is home and there are no away hockey games, I take a few hours for myself. Selfish me. But, somewhat sane me.

 

Some of the posts kind of remind me of a funny discussion I had in a playgroup when ds was 1. I mentioned how he went to a mom's day out 1 morning a week. Another mom blasted me for not spending all of my time with my child. She then went on to say how much she liked our new meeting place. She could drop her child off at her mom's in the morning , have time to run errands and easily make playgroup. (Ugh, sorry for those of us whose relatives lived more than 5 hours away when we were in that location.)

 

Sorry for the long vent, but I hate to hear how bad I am for wanting time to myself, especially from parents who spouse is home on a daily basis.

 

Off my soap box. Return to mild, meek me.

[Lovedtodeath]

I admit I have not read all of the posts but I will shout from the roof tops that I need time away from my children. I do not care if anyone thinks I am a bad parent for needing this time.

 

This whole discussion is funny because I was big-time blasted on here about 2 years ago when I suggested it wasn't healthy for moms to be with their kids all day every day without a break. I think a lot depends on how things are worded around here.

[Joanne]

This whole discussion is funny because I was big-time blasted on here about 2 years ago when I suggested it wasn't healthy for moms to be with their kids all day every day without a break. I think a lot depends on how things are worded around here.

 

Not embracing the rhetoric around nearly constant family time is unwelcome in segments of the HSing sub culture.

 

I *do* think it's unhealthy. It, at times, becomes a competition of who has the least time away.

 

I used to be on the other side, btw. :confused::001_huh:

[Laura Corin]

I am an introvert. I'm not shy or antisocial, but being around people (any people, not just my family) all the time uses up my energy. I need to replenish that energy by being alone. That doesn't mean that I want to spend more and more time alone: I love my children, enjoy teaching them, find my husband's company fun. But I do need some time. I don't dread returning, even to dirty dishes: instead, I come back full of new energy to deal with my family patiently and with humour.

 

Normally, I have half an hour after lunch each day, an hour or so after everyone is in bed at night, and a half day at weekends. Today I have the full day, so I can rehearse for an upcoming concert.

 

Laura

[brehon]

....

She's also got a different personality from me. I don't function well in groups. My blood pressure goes up, & I get exhausted very quickly from trying to fend off all the awkward things I'm liable to say, lol.

 

Yeah, I resemble that paragraph. I'm the one who rehearses appropriate responses to normal social questions.

 

Family is definitely different, & I'm quite happy to spend my life w/ these interesting folks who've been born to me, but for me to be myself w/ them, I have to have time to be that self alone. Not all the time. Not every week. Not in an extravagant time-wasting sort of way.

 

You know the reclusive artists & writers who live alone (redundant, sorry!) in an old shack on a cliff overlooking the beach? That would be me. I come out & live in the world as a sort of sacrifice for my family. Or I let them into my shell.

 

Exactly!!

 

But I have so much going on in my head, my other world that is invisible, that sometimes all the voices coming from outside clash w/ all the voices coming from inside, & I need to be able to turn some of them off for a time.

 

Ayup. The external and internal voices sometimes overwhelm me to the point that they literally cause physical pain. When this happens I must find solace from both - even if it's just an hour or so of utter and complete silence.

.....

 

That's 1 aspect of it. But I'm also...more sensitive to stimulus than other people seem to be. The grocery store is like a wild rock concert for me. I don't *go* to wild rock concerts, lol. An hour on the playground w/ other people's kids is like...working security at a high-risk event or something. I feel like I have to watch every detail of everything very closely & use perfect diplomacy the whole time, etc.

.....

People who work in stressful jobs professionally exhibit the effects of this if they don't deal w/ it in some constructive way. Time away from the job is key. Just because some (social workers, police officers, etc.) become alcoholics in their time off does NOT mean that none of them should ever have time off. I think the same is true for moms.

 

Yes. I work in what can be (and, more often than not lately, is) a very stressful job. When I find myself becoming too jaded, too crusty, even for me, I know it's time for me to step away from the ambulance and take off a couple of shifts. When I haven't been able to do that, for whatever reason, it's not pretty. My partner feels the same. We've been together long enough now (almost 4 1/2 years) that we tell each other to take time off work.

 

Aubrey,

 

So what you've written here resonated with me like an perfectly tuned overtone. I am, like many on this thread have indicated, an introvert. What others would consider "normal" stimulations and situations are for me something quite different.

 

I think there is a balance between pure, sustained escapism and never allowing the self to grow which needs to be maintained. And no one person will ever need the exact same things as another person at the same time. Really, that should go without saying. Moderation in all things is what I strive for with varying degrees of success.

[brehon]

Reading that was my eye-roll for the day.:tongue_smilie: Is there truth to what she says? Of course! She makes some good points. But like many people whose thinking and behaviors swing from one extreme to another, she can't find the middle ground. Formerly, she was buying into pop-pyschology dished out by such gurus as Oprah and Dr. Phil. She was Crazy Mama, yearning to run away from her family, slamming around the house when her desires weren't satisfied ~ and apparently with a partner who is either unwilling to, or incapable of, washing a dish.

 

Now she's healed. Praise God! And in her effort to convince herself that She Has Arrived, she must share The Truth with the world. Not just her truth. Not just what satisfies her. That's not good enough. This changed woman has it Right, capital "R" and anything else is myth.

 

Middle ground. Common sense. What's complicated about that?

 

:iagree: This is great! So much of life these days seems to bounce between extremes. We as a society/culture need to reclaim the middle ground. Wonderful response.

[Laura Corin]

a sincere question... please no tomatoes.

 

I wonder if some women feel a need for me time due to a lack of disciplining their children? NOT saying their children are "bad" in any way, more like a simple difference of parenting kind of thing.

 

 

It's not my children that I need to escape from to recharge: it was the same when I worked in an office. I always used to go for a walk at lunchtime, just because that solitude was the only way for me to have enough energy for the human interaction required of me in the afternoon.

 

My favourite me-time now is still a walk on my own; sometimes I just go to my bedroom and shut the door though.

 

Laura

[LaxMom]

I am an introvert. I'm not shy or antisocial, but being around people (any people, not just my family) all the time uses up my energy. I need to replenish that energy by being alone. That doesn't mean that I want to spend more and more time alone: I love my children, enjoy teaching them, find my husband's company fun. But I do need some time. I don't dread returning, even to dirty dishes: instead, I come back full of new energy to deal with my family patiently and with humour.

 

Normally, I have half an hour after lunch each day, an hour or so after everyone is in bed at night, and a half day at weekends. Today I have the full day, so I can rehearse for an upcoming concert.

 

Laura

:iagree: That's me, exactly. I don't have "me time" in the sense I see it used very often, but I do try to structure my life so that I have regular time to have uninterrupted thoughts. Sometimes, my "me time" is spent ironing while watching t.v., but I generally have about an hour after lunch and the same after the kids are in bed, depending on the day, when there is quiet and no immediate demands.

 

I also don't think it's a bad thing to acknowledge that I am something other than a mother / wife. It's simply another facet of me as a human being and needs to be nurtured and developed just like being a good mother and wife. These things aren't mutually exclusive, and my having facets of self in addition to my roles as wife and mother don't diminish them.

[camibami]

Not embracing the rhetoric around nearly constant family time is unwelcome in segments of the HSing sub culture.

 

I *do* think it's unhealthy. It, at times, becomes a competition of who has the least time away.

 

 

 

Yes, I see this too! The first year we lived here, I joined a hs group. Made some friends, but got super busy and saw some not so "great" things in the group, and didn't join our second year here. I decided to join again this year, and got the first newsletter. It had an article about how me time was a "myth", and for the selfish, basically. So this blog linked is not the first time I've seen this- the idea is making the rounds of hs groups. (lucky us).

 

That "time away is selfish", coupled with the trend to do college online, keep daughters home until marraige, and home church, is a leeetle too much for me. I'm also in the "it's unhealthy" camp.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Some of it depends on how you view "me time". I know people who think that unless you are off the premises and are either by yourself or are pursuing a hobby in some way that it isn't "me time". Well, finances and our family situation make that kind of "me time" impossible for me.

 

So, my kids have never been watched by a sitter. We don't know anyone in the church or neighborhood who we could ask and we couldn't afford a date if we paid for the sitter. We have asked Grandma and Grandpa to watch them on very few occasions - maybe 10 times in the last 10 years? But I don't say that out of pride but simply because that is the way it is. When they were little, we couldn't trust Grandma and Grandpa to watch them or to make safe decisions (Grandma constantly tried to get around allergy issues by denying that they had problems with certain foods.) Now that they are older I can trust them to "police" Grandma and Grandpa somewhat and some of the safety issues are no longer an issue anyway. So we are starting to use this option more.

 

How I do "me time" on a budget. We have quiet time almost everyday after lunch. The kids are allowed on occasion to be in the same room as me but if they so much as blink loudly they're out of there! We take walks as a family at night. The kids are asked to go ahead of dh and myself for a lap or two while dh and I get a chance to talk privately. Then they each get a lap with Daddy to have some private talks with him too.

 

I'd love to do some crafts or hobbies on my own but I've run into a two-fold problem. If I'm home - all the undone cleaning, organizing etc. makes me feel guilty for sitting down to do the craft. If I'm home - the kids will naturally gravitate to what I'm doing and will want to do the craft with me. That's wonderful for "art time" but not so wonderful if I wanted to be alone. (And I tried doing crafts during quiet time but I'm too sleepy then!) My newest discovery - I take the kids to the library. They are happy checking out books and using the library's computers. I sit in a comfy armchair and knit. It is the one time I don't feel guilty knitting!

[LaxMom]

I sit in a comfy armchair and knit. It is the one time I don't feel guilty knitting!

 

I knit in bed during my evening "me time". My husband is at work every third night, but even when he's home he usually has other work stuff to take care of or appreciates being able to put on ESPN and play computer games without feeling like he's taking something away from me for a little while before he comes up to bed. Then, it's US time. :D

[Lovedtodeath]

This discussion has helped this introvert ask her husband for time alone. Wish granted! He will watch the kids tomorrow while I do whatever I want. Alone.

 

Jean, it was a good idea to share me time on a budget ideas. Thanks!

[Holly IN]

I just got into this thread. I am answering the OP only as I do not have time to read the whole thing (maybe tomorrow). If I said something to offend please note that I didn't read past WTMcassandra post. I will try to get time to read the rest of it.

 

I am going to read the WTMCassandra counterpoint soon because I am very interested in what she has to say. :001_smile:

 

I think there are me times that is selfish. There are me times that is fullfilling.

 

For me: I need me time so I can grade papers and research to be a much better teacher or to help one of my children with an issue that I am having with that child. I go to work every night (I do not want to!! but I have to because of financial stuff) so I can bring home a little bacon so in turn I get me time that way. I try to be effective when I am at work. I try to be of service attitude. I pray for people that I come across. I look at what I am to God.

 

I do need ME TIME because I need to be MARY!! Not MARTHA!! Guess what?!?!?! I am a MARTHA right now (I have been for about 2 years). I need to be MARY. In order to do that, I need ME time with Jesus at His feet!! I know that will be very fullfilling to me. If I am doing something like cooking....I want to think about Him not worrying about where my kids are. If I am reading I want to think about HIM not my selfish reasons for reading. kwim?? I hope I am not taken the wrong way here. I am not saying you can't have your hobbies. It is important for us to have our hobbies as long it is not robbing us of Jesus and our families!! My dh gives me time away seveal times a year. We go out alone 2-3 times a year. I go shopping alone 2-3 times a year esp. around Christmas time.

 

Just need to think in terms of what is selfishness and what is ok with you.

 

Now let's go for the selfish aspect of me time that I am doing for the past 2 months. I am reading books that is Christian romance. :D:D Ok that is not how I really want to spend time in regards to me time. This is the wrong way to do it. I am a bookaholic. I love to read!! :lol: This is a me time that is selfish. I am still doing it. Does it affect my family? Maybe it does. Who knows...I do not care while I am reading it. However I am doing this late at night after every body is in bed. For me I have a serious problem with this. I believe this is an inappropriate me time. This is selfish. I haven't read a romance Christian book this week. I am on the road to recovery hopefully. Who knows I may be back at it next week...

 

There is a Good Me time and a bad Me time. It is up to you to draw that boundary.

 

You draw the line and stick with it. I am wishy washy right now. How I long to be Mary!! I want a Mary Me Time!! You determine what is a bad me time and what is a good me time.

 

Again this is Christian Content and I did label it such!!

 

Holly

Edited November 23, 2008 by Holly IN
need to explain more

[keptwoman]

I'm currently feeling totally and utterly burnt out. I've realised in the last day that it's lack of "me time" that has created this situation. Particularly when I have PMS. PMS and no time out is not a good combo.

I'd love to ask my husband for some me time. But he is out at his sports. As usual.

 

So like other introverts; I don't believe the need for "me time" is a myth. Horses for courses. Extroverts don't need it and introverts do.

[Lovedtodeath]

I'd love to ask my husband for some me time. But he is out at his sports. As usual.

 

My DH is "tired" and feels like he is coming down with something at least twice a week. He has football games on TV that he watches in the bedroom. He does not want to watch the Nick and Disney shows that DD chooses. He has a million excuses. I just came to him and said, "You want to know why I am getting so grumpy today? I need time alone. Between the two of us who does well in groups of people and who doesn't? Who does well with noise and who doesn't? Who gets some time alone in the normal course of their day and who doesn't? Who gets time alone in the bedroom to do what they want at the end of the day?" He said, "I know what will make you feel better." and gave me a massage. (probably 10 minutes before the kids were crying.) Then I just told him that going by myself to shop for shoes is what I really want. Wish granted.

 

He is not going to give it to you if you don't ask. I have found that even 1/2 an hour can make a difference if it is used wisely. Ask for it. You have needs! Are you less human than your DH??