ARRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!- VENT

[Dmmetler]

This isn't quite a JAWM, but close. I'm not in the mood to hear what I'm doing wrong.

 

DD does travel cheer. This is her first season, and it's not entirely by choice-there wasn't a non-travel team available, so first she moved to a less competitive travel team, and then got shoved (her term) onto one of the top teams in the program, one with a coach who is very driven, and which usually does quite well nationally. They have their first competition in 2 weeks. They have also lost two girls in the last week, one who quit, and one who broke her ankle and is out for at least the first two competitions. This past week, she has been at the gym for at least 3-4 hours every day but Weds. The same is true this week, except the day off is Tuesday. She's worried about getting school done (and has three college classes, including a very time consuming honors history class), stressed because she's not able to go out and run because she's in the gym, and just having a tough time. And this is theoretically the lighter part of the season, since the big competitions are all in the Spring!

The team mom sent out a message asking us to encourage our cheerleader to be her best at practice, to come extra to work on stunts, and to give more. I about cried. I don't think DD can give anyomre. And I don't think I can, either.

I'm driving, a lot. And sitting. A lot.  I've been coming home during DD's college classes, but cheer is really too far away to want to go back and forth, but sitting there is both a lot of time and is adding to my stress. Yesterday, DH came with me and we filled time, but it honestly was just filling time-nothing really productive happened. I miss my husband. By the time he's done with work, I'm at the gym with DD. Most of the other parents have carpools, etc, but they're all set around schools.

My homeschool music class student parents won't commit for the Spring, so I am trying to figure out if it's worth it to try to find enough kids for the class, while finishing out the semester. I'm so frustrated with putting in the work and having parents prioritize everything over the outside class, of parents who do not have their child prepared, who don't show up and don't tell me, and who show up 15-20 minutes late into an hour class. I love teaching it, but not everything else.

I sent an e-mail to figure out what my parents are doing for Thanksgiving, because I haven't been able to get my mom on the phone for weeks, and got a snippy reply back. Gee, thanks, Mom.

My FIL is in the hospital for the third time this year. He won't accept in home assistance or go to assisted living, and really needs help and support. I can't fix that, either.

DH hates his job, and feels uncertain about his future there.

I am not ready for Thanksgiving, or DD's birthday, or Christmas or the two cheer competitions between now and Christmas. Even the stuff I'm ready for...I'm not ready for, if that makes any sense.

And the outside world just seems uncertain and scary and overwhelming, too.

 

 

 

[wintermom]

I think you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your dd and see if this is a realistic and good fit anymore. Sounds like this cheer team is not what either of you had imagined. Can you try to return to the less competitive team?

[Soror]

(hugs) 

[Dmmetler]

There isn't a less competitive team for this season. If there were, she'd be on it. School cheer tends to take the kids who want a less competitive, shorter season starting in middle school. That was why we moved to the gym we're at-because the rec program doesn't have teams for teens. It's basically this or not do the sport. And at this point, if DD pulls out, it will hurt everyone else, so both of us are reluctant to take that step.

[happi duck]

Many (hugs)

 

[mumto2]

Hugs!  It sounds like you have no choice but to drive her there but could one of the carpools get her close enough to home to make it possible for you to come home for a couple of hours some nights?

[klmama]

How much longer does cheer season last?

[mom2scouts]

((Hugs)) That's a lot of stress to be dealing with all at once. It really doesn't sound like the cheer team is a good fit for your dd. I know you don't want to let the team down right before competition, but could you do the first few competitions and let them know now you'll be pulling out after that? Maybe there's a gym with recreational gymnastics or tumbling that might be a better fit? I don't know, but it sounds like neither you nor your dd are really enjoying the cheer team right now.

Edited November 4, 2018 by mom2scouts

[MysteryJen]

I am sorry- reading your post, gave me flashbacks to before dd2 got her driver' license. Just know, that I will be thinking of you. The season will come to an end, the semester will come to an end and I instituted a family "tradition" of pizza, beer, and football for Thanksgiving during the worst of those years/seasons.

Hugs all around.

[maize]

I was also wondering if a different sport would be a better fit for your dd at this point--tumbling maybe? That level of intensity is great for the kids who do it because it is their major passion but that isn't your kid.

[Arcadia]

Hugs.  We are behind this semester due to scheduling two tennis sessions on a weekday for Sept/Oct. Can’t change one weekday session for Nov/Dec because it is where DS13 has made a friend. My husband likes his job generally but it’s peak work session now so he is grouchy like a teen some days. 

Hopefully a better job/position with better job security comes your husband’s way.

When my kids took music theory/composition classes, some kids were unprepared and I think it’s mainly because it’s not a class for credit (it’s a foundation class). They have music theory exams class and those parents would make sure their kids do the work and get a good exam score.

[J-rap]

When it rains it pours!  What does your dd think of the cheer schedule?

Take the things that don't really matter, at least right now, off your plate.  For example, don't worry about Thanksgiving. It'll happen one way or another, even if it's just your family eating at a local restaurant, or ordering one of those Thanksgiving meal bundles that grocery stores offer.

Let your dh handle your FIL.  (And you're right -- you can't fix it.)

Christmas is almost two months away.  Don't worry about that yet!!

 

 

[Dmmetler]

She’s frustrated with it as well. It’s cutting into her other things, and she is not feeling a lot of reward. She’s overwhelmed. I think that if she makes it through the next 2 weeks until the competition (and has most of the next week off for Thanksgiving) she’ll start to feel the reward for now, but right now, she is spending a lot of time and a lot of stress (it’s hard to spend 2 hours trying to fix something that was working fine before someone stomped off in a huff) and not finding it terribly rewarding. 

My parents not coming is a relief in a lot of ways, but I didn’t need the guilt trip to go along with it. Not now. 

[KungFuPanda]

I think travel anything takes over your life and if you’re already tapped out the year will be miserable. You knew going in that your life doesn’t have room for it. It’s only going to get worse. It might be time to consider a new adventure. Cheer is one of those things that ends early in life anyway and it’s easier to transition to a new passion when you’re younger. Now might be the perfect season for your daughter to dabble in physical activities she wants to try as an adult and building skills so she can better enjoy her next arena. 

Its hard enough to commit to a competitive team if you’re all in. You don’t OWE any team your life and it’s better for the team to lose a member earlier on. It’s hard to see it when you’re IN it, but try asking your daughter what will interest her next. MOST things have a longer shelf life than cheer and she’ll need to find her new crew anyway. 

ETA: Remember, having that hard conversation with the coach is painful but quick. Staying for the season is painful and looooooong. 

Edited November 4, 2018 by KungFuPanda

[KathyBC]

I'd be tempted to tell them travel cheer isn't a good fit, but she will stay until Miss broken ankle returns.

[Liz CA]

Something has to give. Figuring out what is hard because it almost always involves difficult decisions.

[Dmmetler]

14 minutes ago, KathyBC said:

I'd be tempted to tell them travel cheer isn't a good fit, but she will stay until Miss broken ankle returns.

I like the idea of this. They’ll have to revise the routine when the other girl is cleared to come back, so if DD leaves then, they can adjust all at once.  Maybe they would be willing to let DD come to one or two practices a week as an alternate? 

[RootAnn]

Hugs. Hope you figure something out.

[SanDiegoMom]

Hugs. I am right there with you about the driving and sitting. My daughter does ballet and it's just far enough to make it impractical to come home.  I feel like my life is out on hold with all the hours I sit, being unproductive. I just tell myself this is a season that will pass, hopefully as soon as we move and live closer to a studio! 

I like the above idea about leaving when the other girl comes back. That seems like a very diplomatic solution. 

[KungFuPanda]

1 hour ago, dmmetler said:

I like the idea of this. They’ll have to revise the routine when the other girl is cleared to come back, so if DD leaves then, they can adjust all at once.  Maybe they would be willing to let DD come to one or two practices a week as an alternate? 

I know this SEEMS ideal, but unless the girls fill VERY similar roles it’s not going to work so smoothly. 

[GoodGrief]

Hugs to you! My youngest (age 14) finally stopped doing comp cheer this year. It's been good, though I do think the kids really miss their teammates when they leave. It's such a bonding sport.

My now-20 year old was the one with the crazy sports schedule in high school and it was one reason she did very little in the way of college classes; too many potential conflicts to work through. I know your daughter is on a very specialized track, but I will be the one who offers up the possibility of changing up her academics to accommodate the extracurriculars. With your daughter's drive, she is likely to rise to the top even without the college coursework in high school. It does seem to me that cheer might be a nice balance to the other aspects of her life. I do recognize the challenge of finding coursework to meet her needs, but wanted to toss that thought out there anyway ?

[Dmmetler]

I’ve suggested dropping back on academics this Spring. She doesn’t want to stop college classes completely, but is amenable to dropping back and taking fewer classes (and maybe some easier ones. Honors Early Civilizations is definitely taking a lot of time and adding stress right now)

[Bluegoat]

Has she thought about what he longer-terms goals and ideals for the cheer would be?  It sounds to me like it isn't a great fit for either of you now, and what I wonder is whether it ever will be.  It might be worthwhile to start thinking about another activity  or activities that will take her through more years - maybe some that are more flexible or casual by nature.

I would hesitate to leave now too, and leave them in the lurch - on the other hand, the fact that she was pushed onto this team would really annoy me and make me less hesitant.

[GoodGrief]

1 hour ago, dmmetler said:

I’ve suggested dropping back on academics this Spring. She doesn’t want to stop college classes completely, but is amenable to dropping back and taking fewer classes (and maybe some easier ones. Honors Early Civilizations is definitely taking a lot of time and adding stress right now)

 The tough thing with the college classes (and actually public/private high school classes too) is that you just don't know what the busywork (for lack of a better term) situation is going to be; so dependent on instructor. My daughter in public school is way more stressed out (and not learning the information at a higher level) with her state history class than my homeschooled daughter was taking the same class set up by me. My current high schooler's teacher is big on special time consuming projects, like creating a replica of an artifact out of the original material in which the artifact would have been made. It can take several hours to create a mask from wood, and, yes, the time spent creates a certain appreciation for the work involved, but it is certainly not an efficient way to learn material. There are group projects with meetings that must be scheduled and special events. Even just attendance at class can be a hassle.

Going to toss this out there too, though it shouldn't be a primary motivating factor: if she is at all interested in college cheer, it can be a useful factor with college admissions. A highly academic female with a solid high-level cheer background could be pretty attractive some places (not just huge football schools.)

Edited November 4, 2018 by GoodGrief