Unarmed security guard jobs for ds

[TechWife]

2 hours ago, Night Elf said:

I was wondering that myself about the money. We could take just about all of his money and hold it in our savings but I wonder if they're onto that idea. They may want receipts to show spending or something. I don't know. I'd like to get the full evaulation first and go from there.

Yes, they are on to that! They would require proof that the money was spent appropriately. Paying you rent is appropriate, BTW, so if it comes to that, you could consider that avenue, but I like your idea of first getting an evaluation and then talking to a disability attorney to see what is permissible and what is not. It's those little facts, like the spend down, that attorneys know so easily that can be hard for the average person to tease out. 

[TechWife]

22 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Well the OP didn't say what was said, but I do think it depends what was said.  If I said to my own asynchronous almost 18 year old "you need to be productive" and said that repeatedly I could see him responding negatively.  But if I said at breakfast, hey I'd like you to get on website X and Y and find 3-5 jobs you could apply for and we'll talk about that tonight, I wouldn't expect giving him a small task or a short spelled out to do list during the day to cause an outburst or have him saying he didn't want to live which is what Beth insinuated.  Depression/anxiety can be dxed and treated while working on ASD related things too.  I'd just want to be sure to find a psych/therapist who had experience with this combination.   And I get that the OP  is dealing with anxiety which makes it challenging on another level.

 

My son would freak out if I told him to find 3-5 possible jobs to apply for in one day. Then he would melt down. Then it would take 1-2 months to undo the damage. That is not a small task for many people with ASD.

A therapist that has experience with ASD is an oddity, not a commonality. I live in an area with a major ASD research center, and they are very hard to come by. Everyone refers to the research center and the last time I checked, they had a two year wait list. Beth's son has a psychiatrist that is in network with her insurance, which is also very important. Sometimes it's better to continue on with the established therapeutic relationship, so I wouldn't run out and recommend that she change therapists.

[catz]

1 minute ago, TechWife said:

It sounds like an ASD response to me - my son responded exactly the same way to many conversations. Stress followed by meltdown of some sort, followed by shutting down the conversation. From the reading I've done, it's a common coping mechanism that has to be worked through and managed. With direction and support, improved coping mechanisms can develop, but not always and not everyone.

I do find someone insinuating they don't want to live as alarming ASD or not.  YMMV.  I do know an ASD teen that did have very positive outcome to depression/anxiety treatment and finding the right combination of therapies and drugs was life changing for him.  My own kids struggle with some anxiety too so I'm on the look out for that.  

[catz]

1 minute ago, TechWife said:

My son would freak out if I told him to find 3-5 possible jobs to apply for in one day. Then he would melt down. Then it would take 1-2 months to undo the damage. That is not a small task for many people with ASD.

A therapist that has experience with ASD is an oddity, not a commonality. I live in an area with a major ASD research center, and they are very hard to come by. Everyone refers to the research center and the last time I checked, they had a two year wait list. Beth's son has a psychiatrist that is in network with her insurance, which is also very important. Sometimes it's better to continue on with the established therapeutic relationship, so I wouldn't run out and recommend that she change therapists.

Well, obviously you need to know what kind of baby step your kid could handle at any particular time.   But over time if an adult was unable to deal with even very small to do lists and was feeling hopeless and useless for many months into a year or more, I'd be walking the road of permanent disability and services for at least getting finances in order for an adult that may never be able to work.  None of this is easy, I get that including finding services.  If she has a good therapist in place, that's great.  I hadn't seen that before or forgot.  

[TechWife]

14 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

I thought Jane was a general name like Jane Doe and that this was a hypothetical. I didn’t realize she was a specific person you were referencing. 

I still disagree with you about at least part of this situation in what would be a hypothetical. Let’s call them Jon Doe and Joan Roe to avoid issue of Jane apparently being someone you know. 

I have to get breakfast made etc — will return to this later  

 

Jane is hypothetical. How in the world can you disagree with my hypothetical? Jane is in a wheelchair. That is a visible manifestation of her disability. I'll introduce Dick, who has  ASD, which does not have a visible manifestation. Jane is not expected to stop manifesting her disability. Dick is.

For further clarification - Jane's disability is physical, Dick's is behavioral. Generally speaking, physical isn't questioned, behavioral is, because, well, people should be have the way we expect and want them to (generally speaking). If they don't, then it's often thought that such behaviors are a choice. They aren't.

[TechWife]

10 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

I do find someone insinuating they don't want to live as alarming ASD or not.  YMMV.  I do know an ASD teen that did have very positive outcome to depression/anxiety treatment and finding the right combination of therapies and drugs was life changing for him.  My own kids struggle with some anxiety too so I'm on the look out for that.  

Of course it's alarming. As Katie mentioned earlier, the suicide rate for people with ASD is very high. That means it is a typical ASD response. Yes, there could be a comorbid diagnosis, but that doesn't negate the fact that the ASD is the primary diagnosis and the one that steers the ship.

[TechWife]

8 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Well, obviously you need to know what kind of baby step your kid could handle at any particular time.   But over time if an adult was unable to deal with even very small to do lists and was feeling hopeless and useless for many months into a year or more, I'd be walking the road of permanent disability and services for at least getting finances in order for an adult that may never be able to work.  None of this is easy, I get that including finding services.  If she has a good therapist in place, that's great.  I hadn't seen that before or forgot.  

Yes, that is exactly the road those of us with children with ASD are walking, Beth, Katie and I included. That's the entire point of this thread.

[catz]

10 minutes ago, TechWife said:

Jane is hypothetical. How in the world can you disagree with my hypothetical? Jane is in a wheelchair. That is a visible manifestation of her disability. I'll introduce Dick, who has  ASD, which does not have a visible manifestation. Jane is not expected to stop manifesting her disability. Dick is.

For further clarification - Jane's disability is physical, Dick's is behavioral. Generally speaking, physical isn't questioned, behavioral is, because, well, people should be have the way we expect and want them to (generally speaking). If they don't, then it's often thought that such behaviors are a choice. They aren't.

If Jane might be more comfortable with life in a chair getting regular PT, I'd want to see that happen.  If she might be more independent with continued OT, I'd want her to have that too.  If Jane might enjoy life more in a day program or with a volunteer job, I'd like to see those services for her.  If Jane said her life weren't worth living, I'd want to follow up on that too.  If I were an aging adult  approaching retirement and this was all financially challenging for me, I'd want to make sure services and finances are in place for later.  I don't see continuing follow up on an ASD young adult as different?   I don't see it as a choice for young adults in this position at all.   I don't think we are disagreeing.

Edited September 12, 2018 by FuzzyCatz

[TechWife]

1 minute ago, FuzzyCatz said:

If Jane might be more comfortable with life in a chair getting regular PT, I'd want to see that happen.  If she might be more independent with continued OT, I'd want her to have that too.  If Jane might enjoy life more in a day program or with a volunteer job, I'd like to see those services for her.  If Jane said her life weren't worth living, I'd want to follow up on that too.  If I were an aging adult  approaching retirement and this was all financially challenging for me, I'd want to make sure services and finances are in place for later.  I don't see continuing follow up on an ASD young adult as different?   I don't see it as a choice for young adults in this position at all.  

OK - you are entirely missing the point.

It is the manifestation of the disability that is the issue, not the course of treatment. Visible or invisible.

The fact of the matter is, people accept the fact that Jane will always need a wheelchair. They do not accept the fact that ASD renders Dick unable to hold down his job.

That is the basic nature of the bias. It doesn't get more basic, it is not necessary to complicate it with "what if's" because those are distracting elements that serve to redirect attention from the issue at hand: bias.

[catz]

Well, it is completely understandable to me that some adults with mental and behavioral issues will not be able to hold down a job ever. I know a couple on permanent disability that were homeschooled.  I personally would want the diagnosis and the finances lined up.  Sometimes young adults like this might do better in a supported housing situation.  I do know one slightly older adult doing much better in a very structured living environment.  I get that society doesn't always see it that way.

I do think for a young adult who might still be lining up their neurons - males brains are more plastic until the late 20's, I would also want to be trying therapies/services and walking that road too.  Especially if he were saying he wants that.  As always, YMMV.  

I don't read anyone here saying force him or kick him out?  Just that doing nothing for a year or more is probably not the best especially if long term finances are a problem.  I do think it's positive he wants to learn to drive and applied for one job.  But I always see why it would be difficult with no recent employment history to be employed as a security guard.

  I do think if the OP doesn't t want outside feedback from mixed points of view putting this in the Learning Challenges forum or putting a vent with a JAWM can go a long way.  

Edited September 12, 2018 by FuzzyCatz

[Pawz4me]

34 minutes ago, TechWife said:

OK - you are entirely missing the point.

It is the manifestation of the disability that is the issue, not the course of treatment. Visible or invisible.

The fact of the matter is, people accept the fact that Jane will always need a wheelchair. They do not accept the fact that ASD renders Dick unable to hold down his job.

That is the basic nature of the bias. It doesn't get more basic, it is not necessary to complicate it with "what if's" because those are distracting elements that serve to redirect attention from the issue at hand: bias.

Good explanation.

I try to remind my DH like this: Some expectations of DS--like for example expecting him to be able to engage in a lot of small talk, to look into the eyes of people he doesn't know very well, or even to be able to effectively communicate to us what he's feeling at times--are as unrealistic as expecting a paraplegic to run a marathon. DH still has a hard time comprehending that, because he sees an incredibly smart, if quiet, young man. It's no wonder other people who have little/no familiarity can't grasp the struggles.

[Pen]

36 minutes ago, TechWife said:

Jane is hypothetical. How in the world can you disagree with my hypothetical? Jane is in a wheelchair. That is a visible manifestation of her disability. I'll introduce Dick, who has  ASD, which does not have a visible manifestation. Jane is not expected to stop manifesting her disability. Dick is.

For further clarification - Jane's disability is physical, Dick's is behavioral. Generally speaking, physical isn't questioned, behavioral is, because, well, people should be have the way we expect and want them to (generally speaking). If they don't, then it's often thought that such behaviors are a choice. They aren't.

 

I have decided to use actual examples of people instead of JonDoe and Joan Roe  — but I may call the ASD woman Joan to be less confusing b

The wheelchair was invented by people and it helps a person who cannot walk at all, or easily, to be able to be mobile.  My father is paraplegic. He usually used a wheelchair. Yes, people can see the wheelchair and that tells them something or other is wrong.  But There remains  a great deal of misunderstanding by many people as to what difficulties there are involved in the situation, and what he actually could or could not do. 

I have a long time close friend who has a big sister who has high functioning ASD—though I think it only got called that after she was around 40. 

Joan’s equivalents of a wheelchair so that she can function reasonably well in life included  that her parents helped get her into a job area she could manage to do: Joan works in a bank, where her tendency to be very precise is beneficial. And the parents helped Joan to be able to function and behave in ways that allowed her to keep that job. 

Joan remained single, and lived with the parents when they were alive. And now lives near my friend — see each other daily near,— and fairly near a big brother, both of whom now help her with things that are beyond her to do on her own. Her “wheelchair” equivalent is the outside scaffolding help to function and the simplification of her life down to basics so she can manage.

Video gaming all day or other addictive sorts of behaviors (though different for Joan given her age and gender) are things my friend and her brother now watch out for as manifestations that something is *wrong* — even as within the given situation of a lifelong disability — and needs to be addressed.  

They are perhaps a tiny bit more the equivalent of if my father falls from his wheelchair and breaks a bone, or gets an infected pressure sore — very common problems even within the context of paraplegia.  And ideally, not only do these need to be remedied short term, but also figuring out a more general protocol so they don’t keep happening is needed . 

 

 

 

[Pen]

I commented before about some things my Ds is doing in Careers class. They now are using yet another online inventory to help get ideas for jobs and careers that might fit them. 

By state law now in our public schools here if I understand correctly, Mainstreamed kids are getting one 50 minute period daily on school days for 2 semesters devoted to exploring work and careers and job skills. 

SPED kids who are deemed to need it get as much as one period per day on school days every year of high school, and continuing this through age 22 is possible. I assume some also get yet more from parents at home. 

This is way more than a discussion each week or two. 

[Innisfree]

6 hours ago, TechWife said:

It is the manifestation of the disability that is the issue, not the course of treatment. Visible or invisible.

The fact of the matter is, people accept the fact that Jane will always need a wheelchair. They do not accept the fact that ASD renders Dick unable to hold down his job.

That is the basic nature of the bias. It doesn't get more basic, it is not necessary to complicate it with "what if's" because those are distracting elements that serve to redirect attention from the issue at hand: bias.

This.

Removed the rest for privacy.

Edited September 12, 2018 by Innisfree

[SereneHome]

OK, so I only read the first three pages and it seems people moved on, but I wanted to throw this out there...

When I worked in corporate America, every office building I worked at had a security guard.  Back then they were not carrying any guns, but did have some kind of stick or something hanging on their belts.  I've seen young ones and old ones, men and women  - so it didn't seem like a very strenuous job.  They were basically responsible for accepting UPS packages and checking people's IDs.  Also, I worked in Baltimore city - not in so nice areas sometimes and even there their jobs didn't seem too hard or dangerous. 

Also, if OP's son can get a job like that, may be it will lead to some kind of computer office work since he will be seeing everyone daily and it tends to let you get to know people.

[freesia]

3 hours ago, TechWife said:

Yes, it's the same. . I'm talking about the existence of a disability and it's manifestation - visible or invisible.

Jane isn't playing video games, by the way, that's your idea, not mine. Don't add unnecessary complications to the very basic scenario. It's the basic that matters with bias.

 

But the problem I have with your scenario is that a NT wouldn't be in a wheelchair, but an NT child might refuse to take jobs they don't prefer or prefer to sit around playing video games. The right response is not to enable that. So it's hard when a person not familiar with ASD or parenting ASD sees a familiar scenario handled differently. And it's hard for parents of ASD children to tease out what is part of the disability and what is something else and needs not to be enabled. It looks like something else to 99% of parents bc it would be something else for 99% of kids. That's why we need to give each other so much parenting grace. I've made decisions for my teens that looked crazy from the outside to others but were right for our situation. 

Also, where are you all getting the suicide statistics? I'm not doubting it ( the suicide in our extended family was an aspie) but I'm only finding something like 1.5%, which is 3x the NT rate, but not a cause to constantly walk on eggshells (NOT meaning to imply I am getting that from anyone here--just that there seems to be a be careful not to upset him bc ofthe huge rate of suicide concern). 

 

[TechWife]

1 hour ago, Pen said:

 

I have decided to use actual examples of people instead of JonDoe and Joan Roe  — but I may call the ASD woman Joan to be less confusing b

The wheelchair was invented by people and it helps a person who cannot walk at all, or easily, to be able to be mobile.  My father is paraplegic. He usually used a wheelchair. Yes, people can see the wheelchair and that tells them something or other is wrong.  But There remains  a great deal of misunderstanding by many people as to what difficulties there are involved in the situation, and what he actually could or could not do. 

I have a long time close friend who has a big sister who has high functioning ASD—though I think it only got called that after she was around 40. 

Joan’s equivalents of a wheelchair so that she can function reasonably well in life included  that her parents helped get her into a job area she could manage to do: Joan works in a bank, where her tendency to be very precise is beneficial. And the parents helped Joan to be able to function and behave in ways that allowed her to keep that job. 

Joan remained single, and lived with the parents when they were alive. And now lives near my friend — see each other daily near,— and fairly near a big brother, both of whom now help her with things that are beyond her to do on her own. Her “wheelchair” equivalent is the outside scaffolding help to function and the simplification of her life down to basics so she can manage.

Video gaming all day or other addictive sorts of behaviors (though different for Joan given her age and gender) are things my friend and her brother now watch out for as manifestations that something is *wrong* — even as within the given situation of a lifelong disability — and needs to be addressed.  

They are perhaps a tiny bit more the equivalent of if my father falls from his wheelchair and breaks a bone, or gets an infected pressure sore — very common problems even within the context of paraplegia.  And ideally, not only do these need to be remedied short term, but also figuring out a more general protocol so they don’t keep happening is needed . 

 

 

 

These are great examples. It is wonderful that your friend’s sister has a great support system. Generally speaking, society is biased against her having that support system. Your father’s need for a wheelchair goes unquestioned, but, as I have said earlier (and Katie has as well), generally speaking, society questions and/or outright denies the need for the support system for an adult on the spectrum. Instead, families are blamed for coddling their children, for not requiring them to work (and many can’t) for all kinds of things. That’s the bias we are discussing.

But now I’m having a “hold my beer” moment because I am wondering if bank teller might be a workable position for my son. It is certainly quieter and more predictable than his current job. Thanks for putting that idea in my head - I’ll add it to my tool box to pull out for further exploration if needed. ?

[ktgrok]

Regarding suicide: https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/suicidal-thoughts-alarmingly-common-in-people-with-autism/

"In the most recent study, published in June in The Lancet Psychiatry, two-thirds of a group of adults diagnosed with Asperger syndrome said they had thought about committing suicide at some point, and 35 percent had made specific plans or actually made an attempt¹."

[ktgrok]

As for disability, it is also complicated by the persons ability to seem to be fine at times, and not others. So they hold it together, work REALLY hard to manage a few hours of "normal" to the outside world, and then are exhausted but everyone uses those hours as "proof" that they don't have a disability and can do fine. 

My son gets praised right and left when he works in the community volunteering. Same with his job shadow yesterday. I was messaged (without prompting or asking) that he was doing great, was a joy to have their, was "wonderful", smart, funny, and helpful. But that doesn't mean he didn't work way harder than another person to do that. Also, that was in a low pressure environment (one day, so no expectations...expectations are a big issue with him), with people he got along with, while cuddling cute animals. That does not mean he can show those same personality traits in some other situation. 

Kind of like how a person with a prosthetic leg can seem "normal" while wearing it, but it is hard, and it hurts sometimes, and they can't wear 24/7 without getting sores and infections, and some situations like climbing or whatever may not be possible at all. 

So yes, progress can and should be made, but it is so hard to figure it out. 

[TechWife]

9 minutes ago, freesia said:

But the problem I have with your scenario is that a NT wouldn't be in a wheelchair, but an NT child might refuse to take jobs they don't prefer or prefer to sit around playing video games. The right response is not to enable that. So it's hard when a person not familiar with ASD or parenting ASD sees a familiar scenario handled differently. And it's hard for parents of ASD children to tease out what is part of the disability and what is something else and needs not to be enabled. It looks like something else to 99% of parents bc it would be something else for 99% of kids. That's why we need to give each other so much parenting grace. I've made decisions for my teens that looked crazy from the outside to others but were right for our situation. 

Also, where are you all getting the suicide statistics? I'm not doubting it ( the suicide in our extended family was an aspie) but I'm only finding something like 1.5%, which is 3x the NT rate, but not a cause to constantly walk on eggshells (NOT meaning to imply I am getting that from anyone here--just that there seems to be a be careful not to upset him bc ofthe huge rate of suicide concern). 

 

Right, that’s the bias. 

For the suicide, info, I’m going to add a quote for you and then drop a bunch of links. The first link is the source of the quote. 

“Cassidy led a study published in 2014 that found that 66 percent of 365 adults newly diagnosed with Asperger syndrome -- a high-functioning form of autism -- reported having contemplated suicide. In addition, 35 percent said they had planned or attempted to end their own life. And nearly one-third said that they suffered depression.”

ps://www.cbsnews.com/news/autisms-high-suicide-rate-spurs-expert-summit/

https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/suicidal-thoughts-alarmingly-common-in-people-with-autism

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1750946712000931

Here’s another quote and the source link follows:

“Findings

374 adults (256 men and 118 women) were diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome in the study period. 243 (66%) of 367 respondents self-reported suicidal ideation, 127 (35%) of 365 respondents self-reported plans or attempts at suicide, and 116 (31%) of 368 respondents self-reported depression. Adults with Asperger's syndrome were significantly more likely to report lifetime experience of suicidal ideation than were individuals from a general UK population sample (odds ratio 9·6 [95% CI 7·6–11·9], p<0·0001), people with one, two, or more medical illnesses (p<0·0001), or people with psychotic illness (p=0·019). Compared with people diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome without depression, people with Asperger's syndrome and depression were more likely to report suicidal ideation (p<0·0001) and suicide plans or attempts (p<0·0001).”

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2215036614702482

There are a lot more articles and studies out there. If you search “Asperger Syndrome and suicide” you can find many more.

[Pen]

11 minutes ago, TechWife said:

These are great examples. It is wonderful that your friend’s sister has a great support system. Generally speaking, society is biased against her having that support system. Your father’s need for a wheelchair goes unquestioned, but, as I have said earlier (and Katie has as well), generally speaking, society questions and/or outright denies the need for the support system for an adult on the spectrum. Instead, families are blamed for coddling their children, for not requiring them to work (and many can’t) for all kinds of things. That’s the bias we are discussing.

But now I’m having a “hold my beer” moment because I am wondering if bank teller might be a workable position for my son. It is certainly quieter and more predictable than his current job. Thanks for putting that idea in my head - I’ll add it to my tool box to pull out for further exploration if needed. ?

 

Bank work worked really really well for “Joan.” It seemed to give her enough people contact, but not too much. She is around 60 now, so entry requirements have probably changed a lot. Some maybe want more official education, but otoh with computers there may be less need for excellent math ability.  Yes, you, Beth, and perhaps others might consider it for high functioning ASD kids.  It could hit the sweet spot for some  

Joan *is* very lucky to have a great support system. Also she was one of 5 kids, the rest neurotypical, which probably helped her, the family, and perceptions from outsiders. I think a lot of people thought she was mentally retarded because of things she did, but she was intelligent.  

 And both parents to extent I knew them had top notch EF. plus the mom was very ... l don’t know exactly how to put.  ... she was like out of a different era, brooked no sass or laziness, was very demanding in many ways, which was probably helpful for ASD which thrives (or at least seems at its least bad?) with lots of clear, calm structure. 

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Well, it is completely understandable to me that some adults with mental and behavioral issues will not be able to hold down a job ever. I know a couple on permanent disability that were homeschooled.  I personally would want the diagnosis and the finances lined up.  Sometimes young adults like this might do better in a supported housing situation.  I do know one slightly older adult doing much better in a very structured living environment.  I get that society doesn't always see it that way.

I do think for a young adult who might still be lining up their neurons - males brains are more plastic until the late 20's, I would also want to be trying therapies/services and walking that road too.  Especially if he were saying he wants that.  As always, YMMV.  

I don't read anyone here saying force him or kick him out?  Just that doing nothing for a year or more is probably not the best especially if long term finances are a problem.  I do think it's positive he wants to learn to drive and applied for one job.  But I always see why it would be difficult with no recent employment history to be employed as a security guard.

  I do think if the OP doesn't t want outside feedback from mixed points of view putting this in the Learning Challenges forum or putting a vent with a JAWM can go a long way.  

 

I agree with all of your posts in this thread. Frankly, when I read her update that she was suddenly worried that her son might be feeling that he had no reason to live, it seemed like she had read the warnings in this thread and that her anxiety might be working overtime as a result, because she and her dh have had the same conversation with him in the past and his reaction was very negative, yet she always acted like he bounced right back and was fine afterward. But if this time was truly different, I would be trying to get him seen by an emergency mental health counselor immediately, because if he always seems happy and one fairly routine conversation made him so upset that Beth became fearful that “he was feeling hopeless and that he might have no reason to live,” that’s serious and needs immediate intervention. But others are posting that this is expected behavior with ASD, so if that’s the case, Beth should ignore me and listen to the people she trusts.

I honestly think Beth should consider adding something like “ASD Moms Only” to her thread titles, as it appears that opinions from those with differing ideas or suggestions aren’t particularly welcome. Could she start a private group here? That might be even better.

Anyway, now that this thread has gotten into potentially “hopeless and no reason to live” territory, I’m done here because I am not even remotely prepared to consider giving advice on that, so there’s no need for people to rush to Beth’s defense and argue with this post because it will only distract from responding to Beth’s latest update. I’m fine with being wrong. 

Beth, I truly hope everything works out for your son and that you can get him the help he needs to succeed in his life. He sounds very sweet, kind, and sensitive, and I wish him only the very best in everything he does.

I don’t mean any of this in a snotty way — I’m concerned about Beth and her son, and I want the best for them, but it’s very clear that outside-the-box feedback isn’t what she’s looking for, and I think her threads would be far more pleasant for her if the rest of us were explicitly told to stay out of her threads right from the start.

[ktgrok]

What works is really going to vary. For some, sensory issues are the priority. For others, like my son, he needs to see meaning and direct contribution/consequences/purpose. 

[TechWife]

8 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

I honestly think Beth should consider adding something like “ASD Moms Only” to her thread titles, as it appears that opinions from those with differing ideas or suggestions aren’t particularly welcome. Could she start a private group here? That might be even better.

...

I don’t mean any of this in a snotty way — I’m concerned about Beth and her son, and I want the best for them, but it’s very clear that outside-the-box feedback isn’t what she’s looking for, and I think her threads would be far more pleasant for her if the rest of us were explicitly told to stay out of her threads right from the start.

Beth posted seeking information about a specific job that her son applied for. There was no reason to limit the discussion to “ASD Moms” because we are no more and no less likely to know about the requirements of that job than anyone else is. Then, while some people were helpful and the conversation changed course a bit, other people started jumping in with inappropriate, unsolicited comments. As I said, this thread is why I don’t often speak about my son publicly. We used to have a social group, but it has been inactive since the board change because it isn’t truly private. There is also no need for us to go hide in a corner. People ask all kinds of questions and discuss all kinds of questions here on the chat board, ASD doesn’t need to be excluded just because everyone doesn’t understand it. People who don’t understand can benefit from reading with a teachable spirit, which is a good thing. They can also ask respectful questions to aid in their understanding. If you’d rather not participate in a discussion, you don’t have to read it or post in it,  it don’t suggest that we not have the discussion where you can’t see it. 

Has Beth said this thread is unpleasant for her? I have said it is so for me, but I am choosing to stay engaged. The problem with the feedback isn’t that it’s “out of the box,” because it is not. It is very typical and predictable feedback. The problem is, people with ASD either don’t know or don’t care that the box exists at all, so typical feedback isn’t helpful. 

 

[unsinkable]

9 hours ago, Night Elf said:

I asked ds about working with animals and he said no. I even thought about being trained as a groomer but he wasn't interested.

The reason we gave him two weeks is because he has two applications out there and one of them (Target) we believed would take 1-2 weeks to get through. But the job is taken so that's a moot point. He's the type of guy who needs time to process things. He got very upset during our conversation. VERY upset and said some concerning things. We decided not to push too hard because we don't want him feeling hopeless and like there is no reason to live. We already said two weeks so we're going to follow through with that.

I've asked him to write down the places he'd be interested in working and look into what kinds of jobs they have available. I'm looking at things myself as well. It will be interesting to see what he comes up with. 

At this point, I think school is his best option for long term work. I can't think of any type of job he can get without an education that he'd want to stay at long term. He'll also need to get into a career that has advancement so he can eventually become self-sufficient. He said that is a goal of his but it's very far away and it's hard for him to see it as a real possibility.

We called a disability advocate and she told him that he wouldn't qualify for disability because he has more than $2K in his savings account. I had no idea that would be an issue. 

He wants to learn to drive but I've been working until 6:00 pm every day and am unable to take him out during a slow period. My new manager is supposed to be working on a schedule for next week. I've come up with what I hope is a regular work schedule for me and includes having one weekday where I get off at 2:00 pm which was my shift ending time since June. I miss that. I wish they'd be more proactive in looking for employees. They posted on a city face book page but I think they should put a sign on the outside of our store as well. Maybe the new manager has some ideas.

Ds doesn't want to reapply to my place of work because the job open is hard work. He said he couldn't handle it.

"He got very upset during our conversation. VERY upset and said some concerning things. We decided not to push too hard because we don't want him feeling hopeless and like there is no reason to live. "

My response:

I hope you called his therapist and reported this conversation.  

 

Edited September 12, 2018 by unsinkable
Formatting...I can't do it...

[Catwoman]

52 minutes ago, TechWife said:

Beth posted seeking information about a specific job that her son applied for. There was no reason to limit the discussion to “ASD Moms” because we are no more and no less likely to know about the requirements of that job than anyone else is. Then, while some people were helpful and the conversation changed course a bit, other people started jumping in with inappropriate, unsolicited comments. As I said, this thread is why I don’t often speak about my son publicly. We used to have a social group, but it has been inactive since the board change because it isn’t truly private. There is also no need for us to go hide in a corner. People ask all kinds of questions and discuss all kinds of questions here on the chat board, ASD doesn’t need to be excluded just because everyone doesn’t understand it. People who don’t understand can benefit from reading with a teachable spirit, which is a good thing. They can also ask respectful questions to aid in their understanding. If you’d rather not participate in a discussion, you don’t have to read it or post in it,  it don’t suggest that we not have the discussion where you can’t see it. 

Has Beth said this thread is unpleasant for her? I have said it is so for me, but I am choosing to stay engaged. The problem with the feedback isn’t that it’s “out of the box,” because it is not. It is very typical and predictable feedback. The problem is, people with ASD either don’t know or don’t care that the box exists at all, so typical feedback isn’t helpful.

 

 

The bolded part of your post is why I think Beth should specify that only people with knowledge or experience with ASD should reply to these threads. People are genuinely trying to be helpful, but if our feedback is consistently judged as not being helpful because we don’t understand what it’s like to parent an adult child with ASD, there is really no reason for us to bother posting at all. It’s not a complaint —I’m just saying that many of us really would like to be helpful, but if we know in advance that we lack the experience necessary, I’m sure we would all be fine with that. The goal is to help Beth and her son, not to bombard her with irrelevant information.

Here is an example. When I read Beth’s update, I have to admit that my first thought was that she had read the posts here discussing the rates of depression and suicide among people with ASD, and she had internalized those scary statistics to the point where her anxiety was triggered into overdrive by her son’s typical negative reaction to an average family discussion about him getting a job or returning to school, to the point where she became very concerned and possibly fearful for his life when perhaps he was behaving in the same way as he had in the past (and was apparently fine and happy afterward.)

But then I started thinking maybe he really was incredibly distraught, and all I could think was that this young man needs immediate emergency mental health intervention. Because does it really matter if it’s ASD or depression or something else? If her son really did have such an intense and concerning reaction to a fairly average conversation, shouldn’t that be a big red flag that he needs immediate help?

But that’s not the way the situation is being viewed in this thread. People seem to basically be saying it’s typical ASD behavior. If that’s the case, obviously I am being an alarmist, because I’m viewing the situation through the eyes of the average person who would seek immediate help for a person who said “very concerning” things to me. So if I kept posting about how Beth’s son needed immediate intervention, that wouldn’t be helpful or useful, and it might even upset Beth... all for nothing.

Anyway, I’m not trying to be argumentative — I’m just trying to explain the way I’m thinking because you have been nice enough to do the same for me. We are definitely viewing Beth’s situation through two entirely different lenses, and that’s why I suggested that Beth may be better served if she specifies in her threads that she prefers to get advice from people who have experience with ASD. Obviously, she can handle this any way she likes.

Sorry if I’m not being clear. I know what I’m trying to say, but I don’t think I’m expressing myself very well and I don’t want to turn this into a discussion because I don’t want to derail the thread away from Beth’s recent update. ? 

 

 

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

Maybe asking what he'd like to do is too big. Beth is not a high passion sort of person, so I wouldn't expect her son to be either. Some people gush enthusiasm all over the place. Some people mosey along with a general sense of moderation.

Maybe he needs to be told that it doesn't matter what he likes, it only matters what he can tolerate. So get a job or go study something/ anything tolerable and don't stop until there's an opportunity that is more tolerable or even likeable.

[Pen]

22 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Maybe asking what he'd like to do is too big. Beth is not a high passion sort of person, so I wouldn't expect her son to be either. Some people gush enthusiasm all over the place. Some people mosey along with a general sense of moderation.

Maybe he needs to be told that it doesn't matter what he likes, it only matters what he can tolerate. So get a job or go study something/ anything tolerable and don't stop until there's an opportunity that is more tolerable or even likeable.

 

That’s a good point, and might help. It is also in many ways the general nature of most entry level work.  And for many people it is the nature of most work. Generations of miners, for example, probably mostly did not like the work, but it was all they could do. “Liking” for work might be overrated as a concept. 

[ktgrok]

 Have you talked with your son about self-care? About mental health? We sat down with my son and explained that sitting in a room looking at a computer screen all day playing video games wasn’t healthy for anyone. That we weren’t picking on him, it just wasn’t healthy. We then talked about how he could take care of himself, and discussed exercise, fresh air, helping others, feeling successful, etc. That was just to give him information on where we were coming from. I did not expect him to do anything with information that was so general. But it did help clarify that we were not working against him . 

What helped the most for my son was being helpful to others. And having immediate gratification for his effort. So for him, working at an animal rehab were a bird was hungry and he fed and then the bird was happy was perfect. It was immediate gratification, the bird was immediately fed and happy. And he felt actually useful. It was concrete and visible. And helping others almost always makes you feel better about your self. I was wondering, given his background in stocking shelves, wouldn’t he be incredibly helpful to a food pantry? Could you get him to try it out even for just one shift on one day? He could do something he is good at, and there would be no pressure to go faster. No pressure at all. And he could actually be a good service to other people. It wouldn’t pay anything, it doesn’t solve the problem. But it might get him out of his room, off the computer, and getting some good feedback from people other than his parents. It might make him feel a little better about himself. He could be learning useful job skills like interacting with other people but in a new pressure setting.

[ktgrok]

30 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

That’s a good point, and might help. It is also in many ways the general nature of most entry level work.  And for many people it is the nature of most work. Generations of miners, for example, probably mostly did not like the work, but it was all they could do. “Liking” for work might be overrated as a concept. 

 I think part of the problem might be is that for individuals like this the delayed gratification of a paycheck two weeks later isn’t going to work for them. Their brain doesn’t work that way. So for them, a job where they feel useful and get satisfaction of more immediately might be important. It might be why they say they don’t want to do a job they don’t like, where is another person wouldn’t care because they know they are getting that paycheck in two weeks. 

It is one of the reason video gaming is so popular with these people. Push a button and something instantly happens. Your score goes up, the bad guy dies, something. Versus going to work and sticking a can on a shelf and then two weeks later you get a piece of paper saying that abstract money is in a bank account. Heck, I wonder if those miners partly did better because a lot of jobs used to pay more frequently? Some still do, a lot of day laborers get paid by the day. And other blue-collar things pay frequently. Also I wonder if cash immediately was better for some people compared to checks or direct deposit.

Edited September 12, 2018 by Ktgrok

[Clemsondana]

19 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Maybe he needs to be told that it doesn't matter what he likes, it only matters what he can tolerate. So get a job or go study something/ anything tolerable and don't stop until there's an opportunity that is more tolerable or even likeable.

I wonder if this is some of the difference in how people are responding.  For some people, when they hear 'He doesn't like X' they're hearing it the way that many of us mean it - I don't particularly enjoy this, but I can tolerate it.  When I say 'I don't like grading' I don't mean that I don't want to teach any more, but at any given moment I'd rather curl up with a good book than grade 40 lab reports.  

What other people are hearing is 'I can't do this any more'.  On a recent trip, we visited the top of the Sears Tower in Chicago, and, despite being the one who always walks up to the edge of scenic overlooks, I found it to be surprisingly scary...when I said 'I don't like it up here', 'I couldn't work here every day' was definitely implied.  

I think that sometimes in relationships, when we accommodate the second type (as we should), the first type can get lumped in, especially if the same language is used.  As a minor issue, we had to make the point to our kids that there was a difference between 'This food makes me gag', which I will accommodate because it applies to very few foods, and 'This isn't my favorite but I can eat it just fine'.  But, there's no way for us to know which is which for the OP's son - it's possible that one thing that would help is for him to be able to differentiate between the 2 and figure out what goes into Rosie's 'I can tolerate this' category.  

[Pen]

@Innisfree  I understand that invisible disabilities don’t get the same reactions as visible ones.

If that’s the only point you and some others were trying to make I totally agree. 

I disagree with the view of sitting around doing nothing but computer gaming as a normal thing for someone with ASD, merely a manifestation of it. 

Possibly the difference is how negative we see the computer gaming. Or what it is being compared to. I can imagine an ASD dc’s parent being relieved to have dc gaming instead of doing something far worse for the dc, or more difficult for the parent to cope with. Computer gaming gets the dc out of the way quietly and is easier than hours and hours actively scaffolding things like teaching life skills and job skills. 

I also personally know several ASD dc’s parents who have not allowed their dc to do gaming at all in the first place, because they recognized that the dc has an extreme tendency to become obsessed by such activities.  

 

[Night Elf]

Honestly, I'm skimming over some of the posts that don't seem helpful to me. I do appreciate all the feedback though. The thread started off asking about information about security guard jobs but opened up to other things. That's okay. I appreciated the idea to get a full evaluation and I'm still waiting on his psychiatrist to get back to me. She can take 3-4 days to respond. 

I am overwhelmed by what to do with him. I do know about scaffolding and I think we've been doing fairly well with that. It's just the job thing that really is his only obstacle at the moment. He's scared and anxious. Totally understandable. But he's gone through this before, getting an interview, being hired, starting, learning the job. Then it became old hat and he settled in for a while. So I reminded him of that. Part of him is thinking any job is going to turn out bad like his Kroger job did. We're trying to share our experiences with him that he'll have some good jobs and some bad jobs. That's life. 

We'll figure something out. His life coach was useless but nice. I need someone better. We don't mind spending the money on counseling of any kind but finding specific people like job coaches is really hard in my area. I'm going to look again. Ds may agree to try someone else who might have a different viewpoint and different ways to help him explore different opportunities.

He's not currently in therapy. He's never responded to therapy. He doesn't like to talk about himself so he answers questions in a laconic manner and doesn't get personally involved in the conversation. It just goes in one ear and out the other. 

I do not believe he's depressed but he is on medication for it from a previous diagnosis. He's not acting depressed and it being one of my personal diagnoses, I'm familiar with various symptoms. 

I've been working hard at my job so that's why I'm not as involved in this thread as some of you. In fact, I only signed on to check this thread and now I'm turning off the computer for the night. I haven't even been home an hour and I'm ready to crawl into bed and read. I'm beat.

[hippiemamato3]

12 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Honestly, I'm skimming over some of the posts that don't seem helpful to me. I do appreciate all the feedback though. The thread started off asking about information about security guard jobs but opened up to other things. That's okay. I appreciated the idea to get a full evaluation and I'm still waiting on his psychiatrist to get back to me. She can take 3-4 days to respond. 

I am overwhelmed by what to do with him. I do know about scaffolding and I think we've been doing fairly well with that. It's just the job thing that really is his only obstacle at the moment. He's scared and anxious. Totally understandable. But he's gone through this before, getting an interview, being hired, starting, learning the job. Then it became old hat and he settled in for a while. So I reminded him of that. Part of him is thinking any job is going to turn out bad like his Kroger job did. We're trying to share our experiences with him that he'll have some good jobs and some bad jobs. That's life. 

We'll figure something out. His life coach was useless but nice. I need someone better. We don't mind spending the money on counseling of any kind but finding specific people like job coaches is really hard in my area. I'm going to look again. Ds may agree to try someone else who might have a different viewpoint and different ways to help him explore different opportunities.

 

 

Hi Beth,

If your son ends up getting a diagnosis of ASD, he will likely be able to get some assistance with working from developmental disabilities agencies. They may have job coaches and people who assist with job placement. I think you are doing the right thing in going for an evaluation first. Good luck - it's hard parenting a young adult who hasn't found his direction yet! 

 

[katilac]

6 hours ago, SereneHome said:

 When I worked in corporate America, every office building I worked at had a security guard.  Back then they were not carrying any guns, but did have some kind of stick or something hanging on their belts.  I've seen young ones and old ones, men and women  - so it didn't seem like a very strenuous job.  They were basically responsible for accepting UPS packages and checking people's IDs.  

1

 

I still see this. Yes, basically a check-in person for people and packages, and kind of keep a general eye on things. I can't imagine they would be expected to do anything other than call for help in a dangerous situation, because the last person I saw doing this job looked like a kindly grandmother about to head home and bake some cookies, lol. 

I think a temp agency might be a lot of help securing this type of job and some others. It's not something the company wants to go through a slew of resumes for, so they tend to hire temp-to-permanent. 

5 hours ago, Pen said:

She is around 60 now, so entry requirements have probably changed a lot. Some maybe want more official education, but otoh with computers there may be less need for excellent math ability.  

1

 

I have seen recent job posts for bank teller that only requires a high school diploma. This is another entry-level position where a temp agency/staffing agency might be of help. Another plus it that you can try different things without having a thousand employers listed on your resume, because the agency employees you. 

3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Maybe he needs to be told that it doesn't matter what he likes, it only matters what he can tolerate. So get a job or go study something/ anything tolerable and don't stop until there's an opportunity that is more tolerable or even likeable.

1

 

Agreed. The 'follow your passion' advice has really been over-done and over-simplified and done more harm than good, imo. And I don't think it's a huge negative for a young person to jump from one job to the next for a while, it's the long periods of unemployment you want to avoid. Maybe he would feel less anxious if he knew he could immediately start looking for a new job if he doesn't like the one he takes? 

2 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

 I was wondering, given his background in stocking shelves, wouldn’t he be incredibly helpful to a food pantry? Could you get him to try it out even for just one shift on one day? 

 

 

That's a good idea. At some of ours, you can choose to more or less work by yourself stocking shelves and stuff, or you can work with a group packing boxes with specified things. The group can be good for low-key social (being around others but no pressure to be friends, you're in and you're out). 

35 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Part of him is thinking any job is going to turn out bad like his Kroger job did. We're trying to share our experiences with him that he'll have some good jobs and some bad jobs. That's life. 

We'll figure something out. His life coach was useless but nice. I need someone better. We don't mind spending the money on counseling of any kind but finding specific people like job coaches is really hard in my area. 

 

 

 

Sharing your experiences is great. I'm both looking for a job and looking to increase my freelancing right now, and I have to fight the tendency to just paint a rosy picture when the kids ask about it. I want them to be persistent and I want them to not be afraid to fail, so I'm trying to model that, but it's surprisingly hard to do so, lol. 

Regarding job and life coaches: you can definitely do this online these days, and possibly your ds would prefer that? It gives you a lot more choices. 

[Pen]

1 hour ago, Night Elf said:

So I reminded him of that. Part of him is thinking any job is going to turn out bad like his Kroger job did. We're trying to share our experiences with him that he'll have some good jobs and some bad jobs. That's life. 

 

That sounds wise. 

1 hour ago, Night Elf said:

 

We'll figure something out. His life coach was useless but nice. I need someone better. We don't mind spending the money on counseling of any kind but finding specific people like job coaches is really hard in my area. I'm going to look again. Ds may agree to try someone else who might have a different viewpoint and different ways to help him explore different opportunities.

 

You/he might be able to use a long distance job coach.   I wonder if anyone reading this knows a good one who might work via phone, Skype etc? 

[SquirrellyMama]

I've read through all the responses, but I can't remember if this has been suggested. Can he volunteer or apply for a job at a library? I loved my job shelving books in college. It wasn't stressful, and was usually fairly quiet. I did help patrons, but most of my job was in the stacks shelving. 

Kelly

[QueenCat]

11 hours ago, marbel said:

Or professional lessons with a driving school.  It's expensive around here, but has been worth it for our kids, especially the LD kid.  His neuropsych suggested adaptive driving lessons. People usually think of that for people who have had strokes or other health issues and need retraining, but they are also for people with LDs, AD/HD, Asperger's/autism, etc. It was helpful for our kid.

Just might be something to look into; another tool in the box.

 

Yes! And driving schools will work with adults, even those that already have their license. We had one do refreshers and "new area" practice with our son with ASD. He was 22 at the time.

[Pen]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

 

8 hours ago, SereneHome said:

 When I worked in corporate America, every office building I worked at had a security guard.  Back then they were not carrying any guns, but did have some kind of stick or something hanging on their belts.  I've seen young ones and old ones, men and women  - so it didn't seem like a very strenuous job.  They were basically responsible for accepting UPS packages and checking people's IDs.  

1

 

I still see this. Yes, basically a check-in person for people and packages, and kind of keep a general eye on things. I can't imagine they would be expected to do anything other than call for help in a dangerous situation, because the last person I saw doing this job looked like a kindly grandmother about to head home and bake some cookies, lol. 

 

 

I think it depends a lot on where one is geographically. Where I currently live, I don’t see that at office buildings. But our public library has a very low profile security desk. 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Maybe asking what he'd like to do is too big. Beth is not a high passion sort of person, so I wouldn't expect her son to be either. Some people gush enthusiasm all over the place. Some people mosey along with a general sense of moderation.

Maybe he needs to be told that it doesn't matter what he likes, it only matters what he can tolerate. So get a job or go study something/ anything tolerable and don't stop until there's an opportunity that is more tolerable or even likeable.

I had a conversation like this with my son and, in our case, it turned out to be exactly the right conversation. He was struggling with the idea of remaining employed in a fast food restaurant because, “It is SOOO mind-numbingly boring!” But something seemed to click for him when I talked about how lots of people do jobs, especially in earlier years, that they don’t love. They may even hate the job. But it puts money in the bank and people can find a way to put up with a boring or unpleasant job until better opportunities arise. 

 

[TechWife]

19 hours ago, Catwoman said:

 

The bolded part of your post is why I think Beth should specify that only people with knowledge or experience with ASD should reply to these threads. People are genuinely trying to be helpful, but if our feedback is consistently judged as not being helpful because we don’t understand what it’s like to parent an adult child with ASD, there is really no reason for us to bother posting at all. It’s not a complaint —I’m just saying that many of us really would like to be helpful, but if we know in advance that we lack the experience necessary, I’m sure we would all be fine with that. The goal is to help Beth and her son, not to bombard her with irrelevant information.

Except that Beth wasn’t asking for feedback.  She was asking for a limited piece of information that wasn’t ASD specific. 

[katilac]

18 minutes ago, TechWife said:

Except that Beth wasn’t asking for feedback.  She was asking for a limited piece of information that wasn’t ASD specific. 

 

Threads drift, they just do. Even if the first post says "I'm only asking about thus-and-so" most people are going to innocently forget about that by page 5, lol. 

[TechWife]

Just now, katilac said:

 

Threads drift, they just do. Even if the first post says "I'm only asking about thus-and-so" most people are going to innocently forget about that by page 5, lol. 

Right, I totally understand that. It’s just not reasonable to expect someone to put a note on a thread title when the OP doesn’t know the conversation will drift and even if drift was presumed, there’s no way to know which direction it will go when it drifts. Those of us who have children with ASD shouldn’t be expected to declare it every time we post something or ask a question. 

[Pen]

On 9/9/2018 at 3:37 AM, Night Elf said:

How does one get started to become a security guard? This is ds's latest idea. The information I was finding online mentioned licensing but I have no idea where to look for that. I've got to get him driving but my job is so crazy that we can only practice driving on my two off days unless he lets DH take him out after work when there is more traffic on the road which he doesn't like. Anyway, two of the jobs I saw required a valid drivers license. The ones I looked at that were the closest to us said at least 1 year security experience preferred. 

I got him to apply to Target to be a Protection Specialist which we think is a low level security person. We'll see if they call. He applied Saturday night so I'm hoping they'll phone him this coming week for an interview. The only problem is the job description mentions having good customer service skills and as an Aspie he doesn't have that. To be honest, I don't think he'll get this job.

 

I decided to quote the original message if it helps keep thing less drifting. 

However, I want to add that though this drifted and got distressing at times, I think the thread ended up with some useful ideas, information, links, which could help Beth and her son potentially. And also could be helpful to others of us following the thread. 

So, for myself, I’d like to thank the contributors, including the ones who drifted!?

Lechy Da! (Cheers!)

[Bootsie]

17 hours ago, Night Elf said:

I am overwhelmed by what to do with him. I do know about scaffolding and I think we've been doing fairly well with that. It's just the job thing that really is his only obstacle at the moment. He's scared and anxious. Totally understandable. But he's gone through this before, getting an interview, being hired, starting, learning the job. Then it became old hat and he settled in for a while. So I reminded him of that. Part of him is thinking any job is going to turn out bad like his Kroger job did. We're trying to share our experiences with him that he'll have some good jobs and some bad jobs. That's life. 

 

I wonder if talking to him more about the Kroger job would help.  It sounds as if his thinking about it is very negative.  While he did end up feeling like it was a bad job, I would try to remind him of some of the positives about it and his ability to do the job--he was able to maintain employment, he got a paycheck, his boss wanted him to stay, he didn't have to deal with people,... This might help him move out of some black-or-white thinking that a job is either good (perfect) or bad (horrible) and see some that there is good and bad with every possibility.  

[Pen]

@Night Elf I don’t know if there is a current ASD specific private group, but the Learning Challenges for High School group has some parents with kids older than High School and might have some ideas that could be useful for your son still at 22 perhaps. 

[Library Momma]

I haven't read all of the responses but in my area special needs students can stay in the public high schools until age either 21 or 26 (I can't recall) for for a variety of services including job training and placement.  I believe this can happen even after they graduate, although I am not familiar with all aspects of this program.  I have have a friend who works as a paraprofessional for a school system and focuses primarily with these students.  I know she brings the students to a variety of different employers to see what would be the best fit for each student and then works to train them for those positions.  Perhaps a local school in your area would have someone you could talk to who can offer different options in your community.  They would know which employers would be most receptive and may even have ideas about what type of job would be a good match for your son.

[Pen]

7 minutes ago, Library Momma said:

I haven't read all of the responses but in my area special needs students can stay in the public high schools until age either 21 or 26 (I can't recall) for for a variety of services including job training and placement.  I believe this can happen even after they graduate, although I am not familiar with all aspects of this program.  I have have a friend who works as a paraprofessional for a school system and focuses primarily with these students.  I know she brings the students to a variety of different employers to see what would be the best fit for each student and then works to train them for those positions.  Perhaps a local school in your area would have someone you could talk to who can offer different options in your community.  They would know which employers would be most receptive and may even have ideas about what type of job would be a good match for your son.

 

Yes. I also think that would be worthwhile to look into. In our area it is 22– @Night Elf ‘s son might still qualify wherever they are. Jobs etc help is 5 days per week here in that program. Even if not perfect just the daily time on Task with someone else might help. 

[unsinkable]

1 hour ago, TechWife said:

Right, I totally understand that. It’s just not reasonable to expect someone to put a note on a thread title when the OP doesn’t know the conversation will drift and even if drift was presumed, there’s no way to know which direction it will go when it drifts. Those of us who have children with ASD shouldn’t be expected to declare it every time we post something or ask a question. 

Maybe you should, though, bc you're the one riding everyone who posts in an *unapproved by you manner.*

 

[unsinkable]

I just got back from the hospital (I'm fine. No one worry. Just routine stuff. But I do love those Edible Arrangements, if anyone wants to send one).

Anyway, 2 more thoughts:

Transport (it is called different things but basically pushing patients around). You don't really have to talk to them beyond hello, and sadly, many aren't in any position to chit-chat. Also, some hospitals have delivery staff within the hospital, that run stuff from receiving to the appropriate department.

Dietary delivery. You take the trays to patients. Also stock different kitchenette areas in the hospital, with juices, etc. You're not prepa ring food, just taking it places.