Am I just old, or is this inappropriate?

[Anne in CA]

That is extremely unprofessional as far as telling someone else to tell your supervisor you are leaving. I can't imagine getting a good reference for a new job after doing that. It is bizarre to me that he didn't want to work out the details of leaving with his own supervisor. So, so weird. 

 

The text thing could go either way, I wouldn't have done it but I can see how lots of people would see it that way. 

 

I have my own child in their late twenties who is just in the last year/ year and a half "getting a clue", so I can see that I don't think technology did the younger generation any favors as far as direct communication. They were too dependent on it for too many things. I have a very hard time getting young people to communicate clearly.

[Word Nerd]

So my sister sending a text completely out of the blue saying "Hey btw we're moving to Indiana in three weeks" has not gone over well.

 

To be fair, I doubt that hearing that news by phone would have gone over well either. Any news you aren't expecting is "out of the blue."

[MedicMom]

To be fair, I doubt that hearing that news by phone would have gone over well either. Any news you aren't expecting is "out of the blue."

That is true. I think it wouldn't have had such a negative effect though. My parents don't have the expectation that we'll all stay in the same geographic area and most of us haven't, but they are pretty old school and like to at least get phone calls when important things happen.

 

My dad apparently did nicely talk to my BIL today. BIL is mortified; as I suspected, sis did tell him it was totally acceptable to resign that way, because that's how she resigned from her last nannying position. It's likely that she texted her employers all the time in that position and it might have very well been acceptable in that case, but sis isn't one who will recognize that acceptable in an informal nannying position isn't necessarily acceptable in a corporate engineering firm.

Edited April 12, 2017 by MedicMom

[JFSinIL]

If you (1981) are "old" then I (1959) am a DINOSAUR! Yes, her texting that info was callous and not acceptable.

[Terabith]

To be fair to my brother in law, he grew up Amish and this is his first job since leaving the church. He may very well not have any idea how to resign, and thought it was appropriate since my sister thought texting my parents the news was appropriate. My sister has never had more than a nannying job, and it wouldn't occur to her that this is not how you resign from a job.

She's insisting this is just how people communicate these days and it's no different than a phone call.

 

That puts an entirely different spin on things.  No,  it's not appropriate, especially not to resign, but I think it's probably an understandable thing if they are both basically newbies to the modern world.  Someone needs to tell him the right way to resign from a job, and someone should tell your sister that in the future, big news needs to be delivered in person or via phone calls. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Any chance this was an attempt at conflict avoidance? Mixing business with family is all kinds of awkward, and it sounds like there are two socially impaired people here.

[Tanaqui]

I would call that certainly a very unusual choice given what you described. Honestly, the only time I'd say that it's appropriate in this situation is when there's a lot of bad feelings between the two - and that doesn't sound like this at all.

[luuknam]

Resigning from a job:  not appropriate to text and not appropriate to not let immediate supervisor know first.

 

Huh. I would've let FIL know first, preferably meeting him in person, or by phone otherwise, as in "Hey dad, I've been offered a job in Indiana, so I'll be handing in my resignation to my supervisor tomorrow", because I wouldn't want FIL to find out from supervisor before I'd be able to get a hold of him. And then told my supervisor "I've been offered a job in Indiana" and depending on company culture either hand him/her a physical resignation letter or emailed him/her one immediately following that conversation.

 

I've worked in an industry where quitting via text was common. Managers hated it, but the employees saw no issue with it. I would definitely at least let your mom know that it's becoming a common thing with Millenials.

 

 

The keywords there being "managers hated it". Don't do stuff that managers hate, even if your coworkers do - just because they choose to shoot themselves in their feet, doesn't mean you have to do the same thing.

 

And yes, what with the Amish thing I'd be able to forgive his mistake and explain what is and is not appropriate. He might benefit from reading a book on business communication or even taking a class in it (my business communication prof was really good).

[Lady Florida.]

I'm definitely old, but that's still inappropriate. I do have a 19 yo so I have some idea of changes in etiquette. I even posted in the texting at night thread that it's not rude to do so (according to ds19). However, this is still not the right way to resign from a job. 

 

While your sister and her dh might not have much experience, they have the ability to find out what's accepted protocol and they didn't do that. 

[MedicMom]

I think perhaps I've solved the why by text...Sis didn't really want questions(and texting is a good way to avoid questions) because apparently neither her or BIL have a job lined up(neither do they have skills or degrees that will help them quickly get a job). They do have savings, and have already rented an apartment, but don't want questions about not having a job.

Everything falls into place for me now.

[Tanaqui]

Yeah, that explains it. If they'd thought this out a little more, they would've realized they'd get questions anyway.

[vonfirmath]

if you think this is due to his own lack of experience, It becomes even more important he learn correct business etiquette. - he still needs to be told that is NOT how professional relationships are handled.  ever.  you, your dad, whomever, would be doing him a favor.

 

the only people who text all the time - are not in positions of authority in the business world.

eta: I'm not saying they don't text - I'm saying they have actual conversations when it matters.

I'm not in the slightest surprised your sister has only ever worked as a nanny.   I have a (silly) niece who works as a nanny - and she has a college degree.

 

Our field supervisor does a lot of texting (esp with the younger guys out on the field -- it can be too loud to hear calls so taking care of things by text helps everyone out)  -- but you are right, he also picks up his phone and calls as well.  Especially dealing with suppliers and Customers.

 

I expect he's had some guys resign by texting. But when he lays someone off -- it is in person (if at all possible). Occasionally by phone "If you are not at work today at (starting time) don't bother coming back."

 

[Catwoman]

I think perhaps I've solved the why by text...Sis didn't really want questions(and texting is a good way to avoid questions) because apparently neither her or BIL have a job lined up(neither do they have skills or degrees that will help them quickly get a job). They do have savings, and have already rented an apartment, but don't want questions about not having a job.

Everything falls into place for me now.

What possessed them to suddenly decide to move to Indiana if neither of them has a job there? :svengo: I was thinking your BIL must have gotten a great job offer there or something.

[MedicMom]

What possessed them to suddenly decide to move to Indiana if neither of them has a job there? :svengo: I was thinking your BIL must have gotten a great job offer there or something.

I think BIL has family that way that are still Amish. Beyond that, I don't really know. They don't want questions, and we as the rest of her family don't want to burn any bridges in the few weeks before they leave.

Maybe they're becoming Amish. I really have no idea. Something this sudden isn't totally out of character for her, but I do worry about their daughter.

[Catwoman]

I think BIL has family that way that are still Amish. Beyond that, I don't really know. They don't want questions, and we as the rest of her family don't want to burn any bridges in the few weeks before they leave.

Maybe they're becoming Amish. I really have no idea. Something this sudden isn't totally out of character for her, but I do worry about their daughter.

I would be worried, too. :grouphug:

 

I'm glad to hear he has family there. At least that's something. But I still can't understand leaving a steady job for no job at all, especially when there is a child involved. I hope everything works out for them. It's a shame that no one feels comfortable talking to them about it, whether or not they want questions. If I had ever done anything like that, it wouldn't have mattered that I didn't want questions, because my mom and dad would have asked anyway!

 

But I do understand not wanting to burn bridges. You know her personality and you can predict how she will react. Can your dad talk to your BIL when they're at work?

[Bluegoat]

I wouldn't tell my family that way.  But I think resigning by tet is inappropriate in a whole different way.  It's one thing I would actually consider doing in writing, not even just in person or over the phone.  But also, I would give my immediate boss a heads up personally or at least a call.  It doesn't look good for your supervisor to be cut out of the loop.

[LucyStoner]

I think your sister's actions are sort of... tone deaf... but your BIL is absolutely out of line.

Yep.

 

You should call or visit your parents to tell them you are moving away from them unless there is some reason you can't actually talk to them. But if you can't talk to them, you probably don't need to text either. A text is lame and callous for news like that.

 

You absolutely cannot resign from your job via text and expect a good recommendation. That's just plain insane.

 

What is prompting their move?

[wintermom]

I think perhaps I've solved the why by text...Sis didn't really want questions(and texting is a good way to avoid questions) because apparently neither her or BIL have a job lined up(neither do they have skills or degrees that will help them quickly get a job). They do have savings, and have already rented an apartment, but don't want questions about not having a job.

Everything falls into place for me now.

 

That was my first thought - they texted because they can't face up to talking with anyone about this. They still have a lot of growing up and learning to do. Hopefully this move will provide them that opportunity.

Edited April 12, 2017 by wintermom

[theelfqueen]

I think BIL has family that way that are still Amish. Beyond that, I don't really know. They don't want questions, and we as the rest of her family don't want to burn any bridges in the few weeks before they leave.

Maybe they're becoming Amish. I really have no idea. Something this sudden isn't totally out of character for her, but I do worry about their daughter.

 

Somehow the irony of announcing "we're running away to be Amish" via text or social media is cracking me up.

 

I know that isn't nice and I'm sorry that your sis is stressing you out but... you gotta admit -- that's kind of funny ...

[scrapbookbuzz]

That can of news is NOT acceptable via a text. Seriously. It shows a complete lack of respect and professionalism.

[Word Nerd]

That was my first thought - they texted because they can't face up to talking with anyone about this. They still have a lot of growing up and learning to do. 

 

Or they've made their decision, it's not up for discussion or debate, and they are passing the bean dip. 

[ikslo]

I agree, you should always quit in person.

 

However, when my parents were moving down to TN to be closer to my sister, I found out when I got to their house to help with some gardening and there was a For Sale sign out front.  I would have MUCH preferred a heads up text.

[City Mouse]

Not a text, but I found out my parents had moved when I tried to call my mom one day and couldn't reach her. Her voice mail was full, so I texted my sister who had been living with them and asked her to let Mom know I called. Turns out, mom and dad had just moved that week, and the phone wa packed somewhere. Sister had moved to an apartment.

 

 

I did know in advance that they were planning to move to live next to another sister, but no one had informed me of the actual date once it was decided that I would not be able to,come help them pack and move.

[Angie in VA]

1. You people are babies. Pupae. Larvae!

 

2. Not at all appropriate personally or professionally.

[El...]

Since we've been expecting to move, I notified my whole family of our plan via a facebook message.  I hope that wasn't rude!  But everyone had been talking with us about the expected move and our hopes for it, which we got.  It wasn't a surprise.

 

However, no!  You don't quit a job via text!  I'm sort of sorry for him that he didn't know that.