Tips for preparing to become a full time homeschooling mom?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Totally OT, but I have learned that "good school district" is highly subjective, and it was only when looking at how "good" school was for my particular student that I decided homeschooling was the way to go for us.

True here, too, that hs'ing was the best option (as I said). But in a pinch, a school that at least offered world languages, calculus and physics would have worked for my neurotypical children. Our local school has none of those.

 

But there's a reason beyond the possibility of needing the schools for your own children, and that is resale value of the house. People in my township whose homes are underwater due to the housing bubble bursting are pretty much trapped, as our school have dramatically worsened within the exact same period of time. Nobody wants our now overpriced homes in our now failing school district.

 

So the advice stands, no matter how waterproofed and Teflon coated a person's confidence in the entirely unknown future may be, to buy a house in a good school district. You might need to put a child in school in an emergency scenario. You might need to sell the house.

[saffron]

Also, while it's true some people are not well-suited to college, I am more of a believer that if you can go directly to college, you should, even if your "real" plan is to be a mother of fifteen kids. There are ways to get a degree without a gigantic debt load, or maybe zero debt (OP has a lucrative WAH concept, so I would say invest that in her own education.) i did not darken the door of any college until I was 38 and I regret it tremendously. YES it is true I'm a much better student now than I was at 19, and yes, there are good things about being a mature student in college. But one learns so much that's not about the degree at college. And having that degree already when kids are born is much better, even if you "don't use" it for 20 years. A women with no degree, no accounts or credit of her own, and then babies is VERY VULNERABLE. I would not recommend that to anyone, just because you never know. You just never know.

 

Yes the idea of getting into debt for a degree that I don't intend to use is also very off-putting. Not to mention investing 5 years of my time into getting it (I didn't graduate high school, so would have to do that too).

 

I would consider completing some other form of training though if, 1. I could use it even during plan A, 2. it's affordable, practical, and not so time consuming that it would delay plan A.

 

I have considered going to college before, of course. I could never find any major that I had an interest in studying for 4 years straight. Those I know who went to college to study topics they loved came out fatigued by that topic. College just looks like a massive time and money sink to me, and even having a degree doesn't guarantee a job in hard times.

 

Sure, it makes it easier, but maybe investing that 5 years and a ton of cash/debt into putting away $100k in savings would be better spent for someone in my situation.

[luuknam]

(I didn't graduate high school, so would have to do that too).

 

I would go ahead and get a GED or whatever high school equivalency diploma your state uses. Your writing is okay, so I'm thinking you maybe only would need to work on math to do that. And the exam is not that expensive. The library will probably have GED prep books (though I've heard they did change the exam recently - might want to ask on the high school/college forum about that).

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Saffron, in some states you may not legally homeschool children without a high school diploma.

[saffron]

Thank you for your encouragement and honesty BlsdMama.

 

I am glad I started this thread. Absolutely. It's good to know which expectations are realistic, and which aren't, and to be able to prepare in the best way that I can.

[Miss Mousie]

Yes the idea of getting into debt for a degree that I don't intend to use is also very off-putting. Not to mention investing 5 years of my time into getting it (I didn't graduate high school, so would have to do that too).

 

 

 

In that case, you may find valuable ideas in this thread from the high school board:

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/624206-im-18-and-i-never-attended-school/

[fraidycat]

Saffron, in some states you may not legally homeschool children without a high school diploma.

:iagree: You definitely want to do your research on this. You're planning your whole future around something that may not be legal until you do some legwork.

[Guest]

How in the world does one "prepare" for the million possibilities?

 

Let's be honest - even with a four year degree that is 20 years old - good luck just jumping straight into the marketplace.

 

 

What if I am attacked by a lava monster? Shoulda coulda wore a flame proof suit. What if I am hit by a bus and left with nothing my face attached to a robot? Shoulda coulda looked both ways.

 

Ya'all, the OP asked for ways to prepare as a homeschool mom. I bet she's regretting the post.

Everyone warned her about impending divorce, death, disability, and financial ruin.

 

Yet, so many of us here are happily married and homeschooling children. Is she naive? Um, yeah. You betcha. She's all of what? Mid twenties? I was 23 when I started homeschooling Ana. I was sure I was on the golden path and all was right in the world. And I'm pretty sure even if everyone had come alongside and told me that in three short years I would bury a child, and 15 years into a wonderful, non burnt out homeschooling career, that I would get smacked with nasty, nasty depression and, gratefully, survive it, that there would be NO way to prepare for it. Go to school, in debt, then choose to stay home and what? Make payments on loans for a major that may or may not have a job attached to it in twenty years when the info is probably outdated?

 

Kelly, I'm not saying prepare for the million possibilities. I'm just saying don't paint yourself into a corner. Obviously stuff happens that one could have never prepared for; that is illustrated throughout this thread. But that's all the more reason, IMO, to be educated to at least a degree above unskilled labor, to have one's own credit and account(s), and to be in a position to grab hold of the helm if that becomes necessary for any reason.

 

I don't go through my marriage with the thought that DH may leave me at any moment. But I'm also not of the mind that that is totally impossible, nope, never could happen in a million years. I have seen people stumble that I never did think in a million years would ever do *that*. The last place I want to be is sitting home with no options because I could never survive without DH.

 

And, no, I don't imagine one can easily just jump right into the job market if their degree is 20 years old, but also, I have lived with no degree and if you think a 20-yo degree leaves you short of options, you should try having no degree at all. For years I basically hid my lack of college, like a dirty secret, and just got by because people generally assumed I had a degree. Believe me, people don't assume nice things about people with no college, let alone who didn't complete high school, at least that is true in the area where I live.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Saffron, in some states you may not legally homeschool children without a high school diploma.

So true. Are there any states that require a college degree to homeschool?

 

Also, if you want to homeschool your own kids, you better at least get a GED for yourself. Someday they may be mouthy teens and wonder why they should do all their work if you didn't go back and finish your GED or high school diploma after dropping out. Getting one would be a good example.

 

Also, college doesn't have to take five years and be expensive. Are you familiar wih CLEP tests?

[freesia]

 

Practice smiling at people when you're tired and when you don't feel like it.

 

 

Best advice that I've never seen anywhere!  It would be awesome if this had been automatic for me instead of something I have periodically had to remind myself to do--to show my love through a smile.  (And it's not about "making nice" or hiding feelings. So many times I've been happy/fine, just tired, but my face has shown something else.  My sensitive first dd would have benefited SO much if I had been able to do this more consistently over the years.)

[bookbard]

I'm so impressed at how calmly you are taking all this mixed advice.

 

Regarding career etc, if you start a business now that mostly runs itself while you have kids, you've got the income without having to split mental loads. And while I agree do a GED or whatever, I also agree don't do an expensive college degree for the sake of it. 

 

My advice about how to be the best mother you can be is to find out in advance if you husband agrees with your parenting philosophy, because that is the number one thing that can destroy your relationship. Is he likely to believe in spanking? Wanting you to put the baby in another room and focus your attention on him, even if the baby's crying? Believe that raising a child is like raising a dog - rewards and punishment to shape behaviour? 

 

Or does he believe that the emotional life of a child is more important than 'being taught a lesson', than academics, than offending your in-laws?

 

Here's some reading for you which I think is valuable

 

What-Mothers- do Especially- when it Looks like-Nothing : basically what mothers do all day esp with a baby and why it's so exhausting.

 

Parenting for a Peaceful World - why supporting emotional life is important long term

 

The Whole Brain Child - actual strategies for supporting your child, 

 

Playful Parenting - how to be playful and use play to be a great parent

 

 

Oh, and as soon as you start thinking about kids, take the vitamins, stop drinking and make sure you are both not smoking.  

 

Enjoy this time, basically the time before you actually have kids is the most rested you will ever be. 

 

 

 

[saffron]

So true. Are there any states that require a college degree to homeschool?

 

Also, if you want to homeschool your own kids, you better at least get a GED for yourself. Someday they may be mouthy teens and wonder why they should do all their work if you didn't go back and finish your GED or high school diploma after dropping out. Getting one would be a good example.

 

Also, college doesn't have to take five years and be expensive. Are you familiar wih CLEP tests?

 

You know, I think I will get some type of GED or alternative. From what I can see our state doesn't require any qualifications to homeschool. But it's low hanging fruit, and will help prepare me to homeschool too.

 

I have not heard about CLEP tests, no.

[Guest]

GEDs and equivalencies are a cakewalk to obtain. And they give you a solid starting point for employment or other education. It's a no brainer.

Edited January 25, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[Guest]

Yes the idea of getting into debt for a degree that I don't intend to use is also very off-putting. Not to mention investing 5 years of my time into getting it (I didn't graduate high school, so would have to do that too).

 

I would consider completing some other form of training though if, 1. I could use it even during plan A, 2. it's affordable, practical, and not so time consuming that it would delay plan A.

 

I have considered going to college before, of course. I could never find any major that I had an interest in studying for 4 years straight. Those I know who went to college to study topics they loved came out fatigued by that topic. College just looks like a massive time and money sink to me, and even having a degree doesn't guarantee a job in hard times.

 

Sure, it makes it easier, but maybe investing that 5 years and a ton of cash/debt into putting away $100k in savings would be better spent for someone in my situation.

Then get a two-year degree with certification in something. And not all college has to mean you're $100k in debt. You could read the book Debt Free U and look at the author's plan on going to Community College, then transferring to in-state public. You might not even need a high school diploma equivalency to go to CC (I'm not certain and it may vary by location.) Also, unless you want to be something specialized, the major is not that crucial.

 

College is not a massive waste of time and money; it's a massive investment in yourself. If you think it's hard to invest in it now, just think how it might be if you need or want to go when you have five kids. ;) When I started going to college, I had three kids I homeschooled, worked PT in my husband's businesses and was on the board of my homeschool co-op. I loved college, but I could definitely kick myself for not going back when I was early twenties and first started considering it. Back then I was always asking myself, "But why invest all that time and money just to get a piece of paper that proves I know something?" But it's so much more than a piece of paper. I wish someone had sat me down and explained that to me. I could have a doctorate by now. I wish that were so.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

There's also vocational training if college is too much, such as allied health. Low cost and quick to obtain, but good jobs to work for awhile, and then return to work after refreshing skills, years later, if needed.

 

High school diploma required for these...

[Liz CA]

As a planner, I really get the urge to plan long-term. And planning generally is good. I have learned to plan for scenario A, scenario B, possibly scenario C.

Realistic alternatives give us options and hope.

If you never need plan B or C, halleluja!

 

Educating yourself and your soon to be spouse on sound financial planning and principles seems wise. I have never heard that harm came from being well prepared, on the other hand, there are plenty of real life examples of what can happen if someone does not at least have some basic knowledge about finances.

This is a burden on many marriages - and often the two spouses don't 100% agree - spender married to saver, etc. Happens all the time - not an insurmountable situation but needs to be worked on so everyone feels "heard." Discussing these matters now - even before you are married - is recommended.

 

Sounds like you built a business that is doing well. Congratulations! A GED may be good to have and may be easy to achieve for you. At least, IF you ever wanted to go back to school, you could start with a community college without scrambling around to get your HS work done. You know yourself and your situation best. You may not need a degree right now and don't seem motivated to jump on that train. I don't see this as a big problem. You strike me as someone who successfully self-educated yourself. You have the knowledge but not the paperwork. Sometimes this can be an issue - which is why I would encourage the GED completion now.

 

Once you have children, you will find they come with different personalities even though they may be full biological siblings. Some good, solid parenting principles that you subscribe to are a helpful tool to have when you start out. Find an author who represents your general stance on parenting and seek out more info. I wish I had already read "Boundaries with Children" before my son was a toddler. When you are pregnant, you have a few month to finish a few parenting books and be at least somewhat prepared.

 

Last but not least - as a planner - I have finally realized that flexibility is key. Plan but plan for different scenarios. Best case -worst case can be helpful. Of course, there are some things nobody ever plans for but the more flexible we are, the less often we break.

And from one planner to another...being in the moment can be difficult for people like us. It took me years to learn it but it has countless benefits. Enjoy today, every moment of it and then do it again tomorrow. :)

 

Edited January 25, 2017 by Liz CA

[saffron]

I'm so impressed at how calmly you are taking all this mixed advice.

 

Regarding career etc, if you start a business now that mostly runs itself while you have kids, you've got the income without having to split mental loads. And while I agree do a GED or whatever, I also agree don't do an expensive college degree for the sake of it. 

 

My advice about how to be the best mother you can be is to find out in advance if you husband agrees with your parenting philosophy, because that is the number one thing that can destroy your relationship. Is he likely to believe in spanking? Wanting you to put the baby in another room and focus your attention on him, even if the baby's crying? Believe that raising a child is like raising a dog - rewards and punishment to shape behaviour? 

 

Or does he believe that the emotional life of a child is more important than 'being taught a lesson', than academics, than offending your in-laws?

 

Here's some reading for you which I think is valuable

 

What-Mothers- do Especially- when it Looks like-Nothing : basically what mothers do all day esp with a baby and why it's so exhausting.

 

Parenting for a Peaceful World - why supporting emotional life is important long term

 

The Whole Brain Child - actual strategies for supporting your child, 

 

Playful Parenting - how to be playful and use play to be a great parent

 

 

Oh, and as soon as you start thinking about kids, take the vitamins, stop drinking and make sure you are both not smoking.  

 

Enjoy this time, basically the time before you actually have kids is the most rested you will ever be. 

 

Great ideas, thank you.

 

We have discussed parenting and many of the questions you pose above. He told me that since he does not have time to research these topics and he knows that I am researching these topics that he trusts my judgement. So it seems that I implicitly have authority in this area of our relationship.

 

From what I can see, the authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting style looks good to me. Setting high expectations, and setting some rules where necessary, and explaining to the child why they exist.

[Liz CA]

Then get a two-year degree with certification in something. And not all college has to mean you're $100k in debt. You could read the book Debt Free U and look at the author's plan on going to Community College, then transferring to in-state public. You might not even need a high school diploma equivalency to go to CC (I'm not certain and it may vary by location.) Also, unless you want to be something specialized, the major is not that crucial.

 

College is not a massive waste of time and money; it's a massive investment in yourself. If you think it's hard to invest in it now, just think how it might be if you need or want to go when you have five kids. ;) When I started going to college, I had three kids I homeschooled, worked PT in my husband's businesses and was on the board of my homeschool co-op. I loved college, but I could definitely kick myself for not going back when I was early twenties and first started considering it. Back then I was always asking myself, "But why invest all that time and money just to get a piece of paper that proves I know something?" But it's so much more than a piece of paper. I wish someone had sat me down and explained that to me. I could have a doctorate by now. I wish that were so.

 

A little sidebar here...not to detract from OP's questions.

 

I am in agreement with the bolded above except for those who truly have no motivation in that area. Obviously people live well with no degree but for some of us it is a necessity in our chosen field.

 

I used to think sometimes I should have completed degree work a long time ago, however, I am working on another degree now and soon it will be done too. Let us get away from thinking what could have been and do it now! You are intelligent, compassionate and well-versed in a variety of subjects (I read many of your posts here), you can probably CLEP out of several GE classes if you have not done so already (I know you mentioned you are going to college now). And (one of) the best part(s) is that you have no college debt. I have gone the same route - I was able to only take part-time classes so I could pay my tuition as I went along but it has been a great experience. I don't think I appreciated it as much earlier in life when I completed a degree just to satisfy my parents. I am getting a whole lot more out of it now because I am putting a lot more into it.

 

[poppy]

My advice is travel, travel, travel, travel.  Best gift you can give to yourself, and it will make you a better teacher and parent as well.

[saffron]

GEDs and equivalencies are a cakewalk to obtain. And they give you a solid starting point for employment or other education. It's a no brainer.

 

Right, well that's decided then! I will start on the GED ASAP.

 

 

Then get a two-year degree with certification in something. And not all college has to mean you're $100k in debt. You could read the book Debt Free U and look at the author's plan on going to Community College, then transferring to in-state public. You might not even need a high school diploma equivalency to go to CC (I'm not certain and it may vary by location.) Also, unless you want to be something specialized, the major is not that crucial.

 

College is not a massive waste of time and money; it's a massive investment in yourself. If you think it's hard to invest in it now, just think how it might be if you need or want to go when you have five kids. ;) When I started going to college, I had three kids I homeschooled, worked PT in my husband's businesses and was on the board of my homeschool co-op. I loved college, but I could definitely kick myself for not going back when I was early twenties and first started considering it. Back then I was always asking myself, "But why invest all that time and money just to get a piece of paper that proves I know something?" But it's so much more than a piece of paper. I wish someone had sat me down and explained that to me. I could have a doctorate by now. I wish that were so.

 

That sounds like a more reasonable option Quill, what do you think I could study at CC though that would be worth the investment?

 

 

There's also vocational training if college is too much, such as allied health. Low cost and quick to obtain, but good jobs to work for awhile, and then return to work after refreshing skills, years later, if needed.

 

High school diploma required for these...

 

I would consider vocational courses if I can see that they'd be worth the investment. But perhaps we'd be better off saving money so that in an emergency I'd have enough to live on while completing training? That way the qualification would be fresh.

 

 

As a planner, I really get the urge to plan long-term. And planning generally is good. I have learned to plan for scenario A, scenario B, possibly scenario C.

Realistic alternatives give us options and hope.

If you never need plan B or C, halleluja!

 

Educating yourself and your soon to be spouse on sound financial planning and principles seems wise. I have never heard that harm came from being well prepared, on the other hand, there are plenty of real life examples of what can happen if someone does not at least have some basic knowledge about finances.

This is a burden on many marriages - and often the two spouses don't 100% agree - spender married to saver, etc. Happens all the time - not an insurmountable situation but needs to be worked on so everyone feels "heard." Discussing these matters now - even before you are married - is recommended.

 

Sounds like you built a business that is doing well. Congratulations! A GED may be good to have and may be easy to achieve for you. At least, IF you ever wanted to go back to school, you could start with a community college without scrambling around to get your HS work done. You know yourself and your situation best. You may not need a degree right now and don't seem motivated to jump on that train. I don't see this as a big problem. You strike me as someone who successfully self-educated yourself. You have the knowledge but not the paperwork. Sometimes this can be an issue - which is why I would encourage the GED completion now.

 

Once you have children, you will find they come with different personalities even though they may be full biological siblings. Some good, solid parenting principles that you subscribe to are a helpful tool to have when you start out. Find an author who represents your general stance on parenting and seek out more info. I wish I had already read "Boundaries with Children" before my son was a toddler. When you are pregnant, you have a few month to finish a few parenting books and be at least somewhat prepared.

 

Last but not least - as a planner - I have finally realized that flexibility is key. Plan but plan for different scenarios. Best case -worst case can be helpful. Of course, there are some things nobody ever plans for but the more flexible we are, the less often we break.

And from one planner to another...being in the moment can be difficult for people like us. It took me years to learn it but it has countless benefits. Enjoy today, every moment of it and then do it again tomorrow. :)

 

Nice to see another fellow planner! I'm going to have to put together a parenting reading list. Thank you.

[regentrude]

From what I can see, the authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting style looks good to me. Setting high expectations, and setting some rules where necessary, and explaining to the child why they exist.

 

I strongly recommend you wait and see what kind of kids you get before you decide on a parenting style  :D

[Guest]

That sounds like a more reasonable option Quill, what do you think I could study at CC though that would be worth the investment?

Depends on what is offered, what you have aptitude for, and what is available where you live. :) But, for example, when I was at the CC, a friend was getting a certification in medical ultrasonography. She was telling me that this is a very good income for the investment. Or there are other things that are two-year cert, like dental hygienist, paralegal, or basic accounting. Or nursing. Or childcare. Or teaching. :) i can't say for sure because it will depend on many things: where you live, if it is an area with many options or few, what you like - are you more a science/math person, or a languages/literature person? Are you artsy? Or athletic? And so on.

 

The year I decided to go to college (finally!), I was walking up my very ling driveway, flipping through the CC fall brochure that came in the mail. DH was walking with me and I said, "I have always wanted to do this, to go to college." And he said, "You should!" And I replied, "But, why, though?" And he said, "Because you would love it." :) Flipping through a college brochure can really clarify the possibilities and what you could actually do.

[maize]

There are two year degrees that can result in decent earning potential; I would look into those programs.

 

Having some kind of a degree provides more fall back options when things don't go as planned; I like to keep as many doors open as possible. In fact I went back to school for a master's degree for just that reason--I am happy as a stay at home mom with my husband supporting the family, but with six children to raise and provide for I wanted to make sure that I had plans B, C, and D lined up. Because I've seen unexpected twists in too many lives.

Edited January 25, 2017 by maize

[saffron]

There are two year degrees that can result in decent earning potential; I would look into those programs.

 

Having some kind of a degree provides more fall back options when things don't go as planned; I like to keep as many doors open as possible. In fact I went back to school for a master's degree for just that reason--I am happy as a stay at home mom with my husband supporting the family, but with six children to raise and provide for I wanted to make sure that I had plans B, C, and D lined up. Because I've seen unexpected twists in too many lives.

 

How did you manage to get a master's degree when you have the kids to look after, if you don't mind me asking? Trying to get my head around the logistics.

[BlsdMama]

Kelly, I'm not saying prepare for the million possibilities. I'm just saying don't paint yourself into a corner. Obviously stuff happens that one could have never prepared for; that is illustrated throughout this thread. But that's all the more reason, IMO, to be educated to at least a degree above unskilled labor, to have one's own credit and account(s), and to be in a position to grab hold of the helm if that becomes necessary for any reason.

 

I don't go through my marriage with the thought that DH may leave me at any moment. But I'm also not of the mind that that is totally impossible, nope, never could happen in a million years. I have seen people stumble that I never did think in a million years would ever do *that*. The last place I want to be is sitting home with no options because I could never survive without DH.

 

And, no, I don't imagine one can easily just jump right into the job market if their degree is 20 years old, but also, I have lived with no degree and if you think a 20-yo degree leaves you short of options, you should try having no degree at all. For years I basically hid my lack of college, like a dirty secret, and just got by because people generally assumed I had a degree. Believe me, people don't assume nice things about people with no college, let alone who didn't complete high school, at least that is true in the area where I live.

Yes, mama, I can see where you're coming from.  You and I are in the same canoe.  Same age, same background (ETA: not background as in childhood, but homeschooling mamas for a significant time, kwim?) and both back in school.  I had a whopping one year's worth of credits before returning 1.5 years ago.

 

I can't help but think I am not the person I was once.... The degree that suited me as a young, inexperienced woman is not the degree that I am now pursuing.  I see so many mamas here on this board with a degree going back... Either because their first degree wasn't useful, or they need to update their education, or because they are changing their career direction.  I can totally see what you are saying and I *do* think it has value... A liberal arts education broadens your perspective and when you are equipped, you can equip your children for that bigger world.  It's why they offer so many scholarships to kiddos whose parents don't have a degree - those kids *are* at a disadvantage.  

 

But my advice is different for a single young woman rather than a married young woman.  I wouldn't put off babies for a four year degree - personal thoughts.  To be completely transparent, I encouraged *my* own daughter to use her time as a single woman to go to the university and GET THAT DEGREE (a bachelor) and we encouraged her to get her Masters (but she is now getting married) so it would be unfair to not mention it. We let her choose her own way but we did encourage her to consider getting her Masters before marriage as we knew they were committed to little ones and homeschooling.   

 

As a mama who is now looking back, life would have been easier to have "checked that box" before marriage in some ways, but I think sometimes  you turn your face into the wind and walk forward - regardless of whether the wind that is smacking you is a lack of a degree, a failed marriage, etc.  It must be faced and conquered.

 

 I also personally know women who, because of a degree, have felt an incredible pressure to work.  They have been told they are wasting their degree.  They feel pressure, sometimes internally, sometimes from their husband, sometimes from family and friends, to go to work and to stop homeschooling because of their degree.  People see women with a degree as a having an easy solution to less money.  And perhaps it would be IF (and this is huge) IF they WANTED to work and not homeschool their children.

 

 My own daughter was told by her aunt, "You aren't going to let all that money and hard work just go to waste and stay home with babies now, are you?"  

 

If I remember right, Quill, I think you grew up in a very patriarchal community where they used a lack of education to keep women at home "in their place."  I grew up in a pretty matriarchal home where a "useful" and competent woman worked.  My mother was very condescending of stay at home mothers.  If you chose to stay home, essentially, you were lazy.  My parents still cannot fathom why I, as a smart and unlazy woman, just sits around at home.  It will be worse when this degree is done and I am still just "wasting" my time at home with my kids.

 

 

Edited January 25, 2017 by BlsdMama

[maize]

I talked to representatives of a variety of schools recently at a local college fair. I asked specifically about two year degrees that could provide a decent income; one that came highly recommended was accounting.

[saffron]

Depends on what is offered, what you have aptitude for, and what is available where you live. :) But, for example, when I was at the CC, a friend was getting a certification in medical ultrasonography. She was telling me that this is a very good income for the investment. Or there are other things that are two-year cert, like dental hygienist, paralegal, or basic accounting. Or nursing. Or childcare. Or teaching. :) i can't say for sure because it will depend on many things: where you live, if it is an area with many options or few, what you like - are you more a science/math person, or a languages/literature person? Are you artsy? Or athletic? And so on.

 

The year I decided to go to college (finally!), I was walking up my very ling driveway, flipping through the CC fall brochure that came in the mail. DH was walking with me and I said, "I have always wanted to do this, to go to college." And he said, "You should!" And I replied, "But, why, though?" And he said, "Because you would love it." :) Flipping through a college brochure can really clarify the possibilities and what you could actually do.

 

Thanks Quill. I just took a look at our local CC's website, and actually the courses look great. I've never considered CC before because I thought they weren't 'real' degrees. But they're practical qualifications that apply directly to a job. They only take two years and the cost is very reasonable.

 

I'm just trying to figure out how the mothers here manage time wise.

[Guest]

A little sidebar here...not to detract from OP's questions.

 

I am in agreement with the bolded above except for those who truly have no motivation in that area. Obviously people live well with no degree but for some of us it is a necessity in our chosen field.

 

I used to think sometimes I should have completed degree work a long time ago, however, I am working on another degree now and soon it will be done too. Let us get away from thinking what could have been and do it now! You are intelligent, compassionate and well-versed in a variety of subjects (I read many of your posts here), you can probably CLEP out of several GE classes if you have not done so already (I know you mentioned you are going to college now). And (one of) the best part(s) is that you have no college debt. I have gone the same route - I was able to only take part-time classes so I could pay my tuition as I went along but it has been a great experience. I don't think I appreciated it as much earlier in life when I completed a degree just to satisfy my parents. I am getting a whole lot more out of it now because I am putting a lot more into it.

 

Well...shucks, what a nice thing to say about me. *blush*

 

I am not in college right at the moment. I got my Associates, but I am on hold at the moment while I get DS17 ready for college and pay for DD's college and still hs DS12. :) that is precisely why I regret not having gotten the bachelor's when I was 20-something, pre-kids and working in a law firm. I even could have had tuition reimbursement but I was too inexperienced to understand what a boone that would have been to me; I just didn't want to be a lawyer, so I thought I couldn't go.

 

I presume I still have a few years left in my life to get a bachelor's and maybe even a master's. But a doctorate...probably a sailed ship at this point.

[saffron]

I talked to representatives of a variety of schools recently at a local college fair. I asked specifically about two year degrees that could provide a decent income; one that came highly recommended was accounting.

 

Yes, accounting would be useful to me because currently we have someone else do it. We've spent thousands on it. Thanks for sharing that.

[Spryte]

That high school diploma is a must-do if you want to homeschool your future kids.

 

If for no other reason that you don't want to limit yourself to states that don't require a HS diploma to homeschool.  Imagine your DH getting that kick-butt job or transfer offer a few years down the road.  And - oops!  It's in VA.  You'll need a minimum of a high school diploma.  (I think there may be ways around that in VA, maybe you need to be monitored by a teacher or something - I haven't investigated that, honestly - but not all states have that option.)

[maize]

How did you manage to get a master's degree when you have the kids to look after, if you don't mind me asking? Trying to get my head around the logistics.

I started out taking evening classes at a local a university (the program catered to working professionals so all necessary classes were available in the evening). I would leave as soon as my husband got home from work and be gone all evening two nights a week. I wrote papers at home with the baby on my lap while the older kids tore the house apart.

 

After one semester of that I dropped out. A couple of years later I went back, but this time with an online program through WGU, much more flexible. It is what I would call a bare-bones degree, not at all like the experience of getting an in person degree at a major university. But it gives me a respectable, accredited credential. I graduated a year ago.

 

I do recommend though getting as much education as you can fit in before children come; doing it with young children is possible but incredibly hard.

[Wheres Toto]

Our local CC has a program where you get a high school equivalency diploma AND an Associates Degree in two years.  Check what's offered locally, it may surprise you.

 

 

[saffron]

I started out taking evening classes at a local a university (the program catered to working professionals so all necessary classes were available in the evening). I would leave as soon as my husband got home from work and be gone all evening two nights a week. I wrote papers at home with the baby on my lap while the older kids tore the house apart.

 

After one semester of that I dropped out. A couple of years later I went back, but this time with an online program through WGU, much more flexible. It is what I would call a bare-bones degree, not at all like the experience of getting an in person degree at a major university. But it gives me a respectable, accredited credential. I graduated a year ago.

 

I do recommend though getting as much education as you can fit in before children come; doing it with young children is possible but incredibly hard.

 

Thank you. This is definitely up there as one of my two top priorities for the next 2 years.

 

1. Finances

2. Education

[Guest]

I also personally know women who, because of a degree, have felt an incredible pressure to work. They have been told they are wasting their degree. They feel pressure, sometimes internally, sometimes from their husband, sometimes from family and friends, to go to work and to stop homeschooling because of their degree. People see women with a degree as a having an easy solution to less money. And perhaps it would be IF (and this is huge) IF they WANTED to work and not homeschool their children.

 

My own daughter was told by her aunt, "You aren't going to let all that money and hard work just go to waste and stay home with babies now, are you?"

 

If I remember right, Quill, I think you grew up in a very patriarchal community where they used a lack of education to keep women at home "in their place." I grew up in a pretty matriarchal home where a "useful" and competent woman worked. My mother was very condescending of stay at home mothers. If you chose to stay home, essentially, you were lazy. My parents still cannot fathom why I, as a smart and unlazy woman, just sits around at home. It will be worse when this degree is done and I am still just "wasting" my time at home with my kids.

I hear you, totally. I have a friend, whom I'm meeting up with tonight, in fact, who has a masters and came from a very "strong women work" home. We have compared notes before on being a hs mom with our divergent backgrounds and yes, she gets that condemnation regularly for "wasting" her life and her education teaching her kids.

 

My parents were quite patriarchal, yes, although they mostly were not overt about it; they never forbade any of the girls from going to college. However, it was always clear that they didn't think much of it and were making no arrangements to pay for or encourage that.

 

I actually am more likely to feel internal pressure to work because I don't have any little babies anymore. During that brief time my DH was waking up at some ungodly hour to do a job in D.C. (I mentioned it here), I felt absolutely guilty that he had to do that to bring home that particular bacon while I snuggled cozily in my bed. But also, I just want to be back in the world of ideas and people who have something important to do, which I don't feel is so much the case now.

 

Anyway...sorry; I hope this isn't going too far afield of the OP.

[Guest]

Our local CC has a program where you get a high school equivalency diploma AND an Associates Degree in two years. Check what's offered locally, it may surprise you.

I was thinking there were programs like this in some CCs. I would definitely recommend checking that out, for the OP.

[LucyStoner]

So true. Are there any states that require a college degree to homeschool?

 

Also, if you want to homeschool your own kids, you better at least get a GED for yourself. Someday they may be mouthy teens and wonder why they should do all their work if you didn't go back and finish your GED or high school diploma after dropping out. Getting one would be a good example.

 

Also, college doesn't have to take five years and be expensive. Are you familiar wih CLEP tests?

There is one state that requires an AA or above and I think a few states like mine which require 1 year of college (or several other possibilities. There are not to my knowledge any states which require a 4 year degree to homeschool.

[saffron]

There is one state that requires an AA or above and I think a few states like mine which require 1 year of college (or several other possibilities. There are not to my knowledge any states which require a 4 year degree to homeschool.

 

Is there a chart somewhere that shows which states require this?

[Guest]

Is there a chart somewhere that shows which states require this?

 

Find out first what your state requires.  Then, you will have information that you can use to make other decisions, like where to take jobs, buy houses and so on.

 

Again, don't go crossing bridges until you come to them, but it doesn't hurt to know your options re: homeschooling, home birth, home economics, home buying and selling, home maintenance and keeping a money-stream alive.

[Liz CA]

Well...shucks, what a nice thing to say about me. *blush*

 

I am not in college right at the moment. I got my Associates, but I am on hold at the moment while I get DS17 ready for college and pay for DD's college and still hs DS12. :) that is precisely why I regret not having gotten the bachelor's when I was 20-something, pre-kids and working in a law firm. I even could have had tuition reimbursement but I was too inexperienced to understand what a boone that would have been to me; I just didn't want to be a lawyer, so I thought I couldn't go.

 

I presume I still have a few years left in my life to get a bachelor's and maybe even a master's. But a doctorate...probably a sailed ship at this point.

 

You never know. Depending on the program requirements, some doctoral programs admit people with stellar grades and recommendations with Bachelor's degrees. It's a kind of hybrid of MA/MS and then PhD.

I have thought about it but for now I am working on my present challenges. :)

 

[LucyStoner]

Is there a chart somewhere that shows which states require this?

There's a map of which states have parental requirements to homeschool if you scroll down on this page.

 

https://www.responsiblehomeschooling.org/policy-issues/current-policy/

[Petrichor]

The best homeschooling advice is definitely to work on your relationship with your spouse. Date each other. Spend time talking about stuff that isn't kids (potential or already born). Spend time apart and outside of the house. Do your own thing. If "your own thing" is something you want your DH to do, but he doesn't want to do it, do it on your own. Or bribe him into trying it once. Have your own friends. I'm still working on all of those, but especially the last one.

 

Pursue education together. Watch educational videos, or go to seminars. Parenting workshops. Marriage workshops. Get marital counseling before marriage. Our masjid required it before the imam would marry us, and though it was not so great, it definitely helped.

 

Spend time together doing some type of hobby or exercise that the two of you enjoy. It might take time to figure out what it is that you both enjoy. For us, we discovered we like doing outdoorsy things like hiking and camping. Maybe in another 10 years we will discover something else.

 

Be flexible. With EVERYTHING. 

 

DH let me figure out all of the parenting stuff. Homeschool stuff. Birth stuff. And I embraced it. But he didn't have a part in it, and now, I find myself sending him articles, and trying to drill things into his head (esp. about the parenting stuff). Homebirth was a struggle for him (and for me because of his unsureness), because it just seemed so weird to him. It doesn't seem big, but over time, all the little things add up. 

 

Be ready for conflict. Marital conflict. Conflict within yourself. Conflict from your environment. And health issues. I got pregnant so easily the first time. Second time was not so easy. It took medical assistance. I wasn't even old or otherwise unwell. Before marriage, I wanted lots of kids. I wasn't going to use birth control. I just wanted all the kids. I had one kid. It took 5 years for me to realize that I probably wont have a bajillion kids, and that it's ok. [i spent a good 5 years upset/feeling broken] But it's God's plan. Then finally, I got pregnant. God's plan too. It's a roller coaster, and you gotta hang on tight, cause there's no seat belts.

[Petrichor]

Really, I think the biggest thing is more related to marital advice rather than homeschooling advice. And not just because you aren't even married yet. But because homeschooling and parenting is 1000x harder if you don't have a strong marriage at the foundation and as the spine.

 

[saffron]

There's a map of which states have parental requirements to homeschool if you scroll down on this page.

 

https://www.responsiblehomeschooling.org/policy-issues/current-policy/

 

That page simplifies a lot. Thank you.

[luuknam]

That page simplifies a lot. Thank you.

 

I would however suggest you keep in mind that homeschool laws change over time. And those changes can go either way - more or fewer requirements. It's impossible to predict what you might be facing, legally, in 10-20 years.

 

If you don't go for a full college degree (associate's or bachelor's) now (and whether going now is financially a sound idea depends on the costs and what you're currently able to make), getting the general education requirements out of the way wouldn't be a bad thing (all college degrees are going to want you to take things like English Composition, Math, etc). It would reduce the amount of time you'd need to spend if you were to go back at some point in the future, while avoiding having the issue of a 20 year old college degree you've never used. The cheapest way to deal with general education requirements would be to try to CLEP out of them, studying for the CLEP using a used college textbook that's a few years old, if you've got the motivation to do that much without the externally imposed deadlines an actual class would offer. Of course, depending on where you live, CC might be very cheap. You might want to ask the CC advisor about which courses would transfer to a 4-year degree - not all CC courses would count towards a bachelor's degree, if you wanted to do that at some point. Which doesn't mean that the courses can't be valuable... just something to keep in mind.

Edited January 26, 2017 by luuknam

[JumpyTheFrog]

Some community colleges have transfer agreements in writing with four year schools so you can know ahead of time exactly which courses would transfer for each major.

[Carol in Cal.]

Cultivate and embrace a love of learning.

When you do that, you enjoy life a lot more.

And, you can be a much more effective teacher and can enjoy seeing your kids learn a lot more.

Also, you are far more likely to be able to inspire them to learn if you yourself model it and love it.

[IfIOnly]

Get a 2 year degree, take some basic college courses, or start going through a math, grammar, and writing curricum. My oldest will be in high school next year, and it's been tough leaning alongside him. There would have been less stress if I had, at the very least, self-educated before my children were school age. It would have been better for my children, too. I graduated from high school woefully unprepared and basically flunked my first semester of community college.

 

For writing, I really recommend taking a class or online course. If you do decide to go the curriculum route, there are some options for getting your composition papers reviewed. Sh, don't tell anyone, but there are some great Fiverr (a website were almost everything is, you guessed it, $5) editors with impressive college degrees and resumes that do a fantastic job. Lol.

 

One of the great thing about self-education with homeschool materials is it will cause you to really dig into researching and give you experience with the different approaches and specific curricula.

Edited January 26, 2017 by ifIonlyhadabrain

[Garga]

1.  Get high school out of the way:  GED.  This is a Must Do.  There is no way around this.  Must be done.

 

2.  Get an AA or some sort of vocational certification.  Even if it runs out and you need to do it again, it won't run out for a number of years.  Before it "runs out", you'll be covered with some marketable skills.  And if accounting will help you without you needing it to be a job, then that's killing two birds with one stone.  Also, it will go a long way to giving you confidence and forming you into a well-rounded person.  This is very important.  I didn't realize how important this was when I was young, but it is.  A confident, well-rounded woman is a better wife, mother, coworker, organizer, what-have-you.  

 

3.  Parenting advice.  Three things:  1.  Be gentle.  2. Be gentle.  3.  Be gentle.  The parents who are gentle with their kids have such better relationships than the ones who yell and punish and try to dominate.  And if you have relationship, that goes a long way to making all other parenting challenges manageable.  

 

I love planning. I don't see anything wrong with it.  I'm a flexible planner, though, so if things don't go according to plan, I just regroup and head off in a new planning direction.  It sounds like you're that way, too.  

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

We have a family member who put off going to the dr and died of cancer because of money. So yeah...money stress is huge huge huge. Our lives may not suck because of not having money but how many time have we seen posted on this board " my child has something going on and I'm not sure what it is but I can't afford the Evaluations..."

 

Planning ahead finanacially opens doors that will be locked tight not just for my family but for my kids lives as well.

 

I don't think anyone's saying to not have kids and homeschool due to money, but if we could go back many of us would have made wiser choices and planned a little better.

 

Small choices like the house you buy make a huge difference in the future

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[maize]

This book is wonderful for helping build a strong foundation for relationships:

https://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Peace-Resolving-Heart-Conflict/dp/1626564310

 

I suggest you and your future husband both read it and discuss it, then apply its principles in your family.