looking hot: when did you give up? or did you?

[Ohio12]

i always swore that i would not get heavy when i had kids. i did gain a lot of weight with pregnancy, but worked hard to lose it. i also always try to dress nice (as budget allows) when i go on dates or to church, but i wear sweats and t-shirts around the house.

 

but lately i have been gaining weight. it is from eating too much. (caramel apples with the kids after lunch, popcorn or wine with dh at night) i still work out, but it isn't enough. I am not overweight yet, but not the tiny thinness I was a year ago.

 

but here is the thing. i don't really care that much and that bothers me. i think i am at a pretty happy stage in my life, i have been pouring myself into decorating the house a little and hsing the kids. question: should i go back to caring..or stay not caring?

 

what is your outlook on yourself? do you think a lot about looking thin having good hair, clothes etc? if not why? i feel like i see a lot of moms that just don't care at all. i am not sure if i am becoming that or not. and whether it is ok or not.

[Osmosis Mom]

Interesting post. This is something I go back and forth over once in a while. I am actually almost 20lbs. more than when I got married, weighing then around 118lbs, however, I am still slim. Same argument goes with regards to coloring my hair or not; embrace change or try to keep my image of myself a bit longer...

 

I am OK with where I am at. My main thing is to be particular about what I wear (not always stylish, though, it depends on the occasion) and to feel good about how I look. So, I wear Earth shoes because they are really good on my back and feel good about that. I might wear worn out clothes at home, but basically never in public. I have to maintain my "iamge", right! I don't believe in being a competitor with my daughters who are now 14 and 17 and looking smashing. As a matter of fact, then I was thinknig last night how in a few years I'd be embracing a young man (men) into our family as dd's (and other kids) get engaged and how I'd be considered old by them at that point!!!

 

So, I don't have an answer for you except that I suspect you get to a point where you choose to continue your (evolved or not) style and feel good about the place you are at. Other than that, then you could always go for a botox treatment (or 20!) and a tummy tuck....

[ma23peas]

I have been the "hot" girl, I have been the heavy girl and back and forth..I have NEVER tried to be 'hot' and actually didn't like the double standard of how people treated you..so I gave up being concerned about that hot look way back during college...what I do care about is being healthy and giving my kids the best tools for maintaining a healthy body...I'm blessed in that I have an awesome husband who has not changed his love for me no matter if I'm a size 6 or larger....

 

So I walk on the treadmill 20 miles a week, I play outdoors training the horses, I do housework, I eat 3-4 vegetables/fruits a day, in other words I eat a balanced diet and try not to overdo it...so in other words focusing on achieving hot does not hold value in my world...focusing on living healthy and being here when my grandkids come around that is my goal!! :)

 

Tara

[Debbie in OR]

...what I do care about is being healthy and giving my kids the best tools for maintaining a healthy body...Tara

 

This has come down to it for me as well. When I heard my ds 9 ask me if drinking too much milk would make him fat, I flipped (:eek: me flipping). I now watch carefully the emphasis I put on food, exercising, being healthy. My dh and I are runners and we have an 80/20 rule with regards to our food: 80% of the time, we eat very healthily, which allows me to not freak out about the remaining 20%). So, as long as we are keeping this balance of being healthy, it transfers easily to our kids, and keeps the emphasis where I want it to be: on being healthy.

[gandpsmommy]

I can sort of identify with your post, but my problem is that I *do* care, but I don't feel that I have the time or energy to focus on losing weight. I was very fit and very thin when we got married 8 years ago. 2 months after we married, I got pregnant. I never really lost all of the weight I gained from that pregnancy. I wasn't terribly overweight, but I definitely wasn't the thin, fit person I had been the previous year. After ds was born, I was the heaviest I had ever been. Still not extremely overweight, but definitely it was starting to show. It really, really bugged me. When ds was 9 months old we moved to a new neighborhood where we could eaisly get out and walk everyday. I pushed dd and ds around our neighborhood in a double stroller everyday until I lost weight and was down to a pretty good weight. I would gain a few pounds here and there, but stayed within that good range until we moved again a little over two years ago. I started gaining weight and haven't ever been able to get back down to the weight I want.

 

I'm about 25 pounds heavier than I was at our wedding. I'd really like to lose about 20 pounds. But I have a hard time finding the self-discipline to stop myself from eating. I have a sweet tooth. And I love to bake. When you bake an apple pie, homemade chocolate chip cookies, 2 birthday cakes, 2 or 3 pans of brownies, blueberry muffins, and cinnamon raisin scones all within a few week period, the weight tends to stay with you!

 

Sometimes I feel that eating is my only indulgence, though, as I really don't have time to pursue hobbies and interests beyond reading a bit.

 

I used to really love to get out and run or use my elliptical machine, but I find it hard to get motivated these days. It's hard to fit in any real activity running outside, playing tennis, etc.) because dh works a lot. It's dark outside when he leaves in the morning, and soon it will be dark when he gets home as well. I have to take dd to gymnastics 3 times a week for three or four hour practices, and I have to do homeschool, keep up with the housework and do the laundry, run errands, etc. Using the elliptical machine just seems boring to me these days and seems to help so little that it's demotivating.

 

I guess I need to go back on the eat to live diet.

[OnTheBrink]

I am fat. But, I am working on it. I don't think I've ever been hot, unless it was when I had a raging fever some time. I started the eat to live thing, but honestly, I needed meat! I couldn't take it for more than a week on the raw diet. So, I'm trying to just do more physically and watch how much I'm eating and adjust.

 

I try to dress nicely when in public, even if I'm only going to be in the grocery store.

[Jean in Wisc]

I never tried to be "hot", but I did care how I looked. The child-rearing years have not been the best to me, though, with being tired, busy, and adding a few pounds. Now that I'm over 50, the hormones are finally settled and happy, and I have teenagers and not babies, I'm getting back into shape. I'm loving it! I wrote a post a bit ago--down from a size 16 to a 10...almost a size 8 if it's stretch jeans. It feels so good!

 

Maybe what I'm saying is that you can be comfortable with where you are...but if you start going up and up (easy to do in the hormone years), you may want to do something about it then.

 

Enjoy the time with kids. It is just part of the journey!

 

J

Edited October 11, 2008 by Jean in Wisc
spelling

[Kelli in TN]

I don't think I've ever been hot, unless it was when I had a raging fever some time. .

 

*snort*

 

Yes, this fits me too!

 

Dh calls me hot, but come on, please, y'all have seen pictures of me. Poor man is delusional, but that's okay, I am not too proud to take a compliment from a delusional man!:lol:

[Ria]

Hot? Not on my radar. Hot, to me, is some type of look so other men will stare at and/or want you. No thanks! Attractive is on my radar, thanks! I want to look attractive to my dh, and not be embarrassed when I walk out the door. That means decent clothing (not the latest and greatest, but more of a classic "I care about not looking like a slob" attitude), some type of taming to the wild curly hair, maybe some eyeliner and lipstick. Nothing much, but enough to show that I'm not letting myself go.

 

I'm a size 6/8 (5' 5")after 23 years of marriage, so I think I'm doing okay weight-wise.

 

Ria

[abbeyej]

I certainly think there's a middle ground possible between "not caring" and being obsessed with looking good... One can take care of one's body *and* be happy with it, even if it isn't model-perfect. One can dress well (not sweats) without spending the time and energy one might before an interview or a date...

 

I think it's great to "let go" just a bit and not focus all one's energy on how one looks or being thin. In a way, having children was healing for me, because I saw my body as something that did good work -- it served a purpose beyond "looking good"... For me, there was a healing and a maturing in that...

 

But that doesn't mean I have to be frumpy and dumpy either! It's still possible to dress my rounder body decently well. I can still try to look put-together. And I'm a happier, more productive person if I'm not feeling slovenly or hoping no one looks in my general direction.

 

I certainly have no illusions about being "hot". ;) But I don't think I've "given up" either. :)

[Heather in Neverland]

I have a split personality when it comes to this. I work full time and so every morning I get up and "get gussied up" for work...professional clothing, hair, make-up, accessories...the whole nine yards. It is exhausting.

 

The moment I walk in the door in the afternoon, off come the nylons, designer clothes and make-up, and out comes the sweatpants, t-shirts and ponytails!!! I feel sorry for my dh because everyone gets to seem me all done up except him! Well, I guess he gets to see it for about 5 minutes. :D

 

At any rate, I could stand to lose a few pounds but I just can't get up the gumption to exercise. I am too tired! Besides, dh likes the junk in the trunk! :lol:

[Nestof3]

I have never been close to "hot," but I was very healthy when I met my husband and my ideal weight/muscle tone. I had actually gained the freshman "20" in college, so I changed my eating and exercise habits in my early 20's.

 

After two children, metabolic changes, becoming more sedentary and such, I became unhealthier than my freshman "20" state and really hated it. I am honestly much happier being what I feel my body design dictates. I am happier feeling like my clothes fit properly, that my body does not flop around when I do something active with my family, etc. I truly do think people look their best when they are toned and not bulging out and that includes myself. I would not want my husband to be "fat" and he does not want that for me either.

 

So, I have been getting back to healthy eating and an active lifestyle, and it makes me happier. For me, it really came down to being honest with myself. It was easy to stress the fact that my husband preferred a more fit body, but the truth is -- I prefer it even more than he does. He likes me the way I am, while I still have some toning and weight loss goals. I have to say that losing 10 pounds has made me happier, and I don't think that's warped. I also really like feeling like I can go for that long hike or bike ride and be energetic the whole way.

 

As far as hair and makeup, my curls are sort of my trademark and I've always been the sort of person to use a foundation and minimal makeup. I like lipstick too. It takes very little time, but with my fair skin, it makes me happier.

 

As far as clothes, when I met my husband, I really had a style I liked. Lots of neutrals, little white t-shirts with cute cardigan sweaters with the top button buttoned, loved black tops and little black dresses, khaki pants and jeans, khaki shorts, etc. When I became pregnant with Nathan, I became a dresses/skirts gal for the most part. After gaining weight, skirts were not comfortable around the waist, and dresses with tie backs and jumpers became my style.

 

Now, I am back to wearing my former style -- which I still like -- with denim riding skirts and khaki skirts instead. I wear jeans when doing outdoor exercise and such, but for the most part, I am still a skirt kind of gal, but now that skirts are comfortable again, I've gotten rid of those tie-back dresses. I really feel like I have been able to regain my individual style. I was never a sweats/t-shirt kind of person except at bedtime. Even when I wore jeans everyday, I never wore t-shirts. I always tucked in shirts the could be tucked in.

 

I do remember when I was single telling myself I did not want to "let myself go" as I aged. Now, I was never a person to go to excess about my looks -- I never looked like I wore a makeup counterful of product, and I didn't go overboard on dressing up, I just thought if I was happy being fit in my 20s, I would be happy being fit in my 30's and 40's. I was never a person to do anything extreme about my looks -- my hair was my hair, my skin was my skin (to tanning booths) etc. I feel the same way about my body, actually. I feel there is an ideal size and shape for it -- one that says "healthy."

 

Just wanted to add that looking "hot" has never been one of my goals. I just want to look healthy and nice. I've never been one to want a lot of attention from others for my physical self (in fact that makes me feel uncomfortable) -- does that make sense?

Edited October 11, 2008 by nestof3

[amy g.]

I've been wanting to post about this, but I was afraid that I would not be able to really express how I feel.

 

I was a size 6 without trying for 20 years. I never put too much effort in my appearance, because being beautiful just came easy. It wasn't a big part of how I valued myself or how I identified myself.

 

I got a lot of positive attention, but I like to think that my appearance might have made people notice me, but they stuck around because I'm smart and nice and interesting and kind-not because of how I look.

 

I believe that my husband truly DOES love me for my mind, not how I look.

 

Three years ago, I was in the best shape I've ever been in. Since then, I've had 3 miscarriages and a mid-life baby. For the past two years, I've been a size 12. I don't weigh myself, I don't limit the kids of foods I eat, or feel guilty about enjoying food. My size really does not bother me. My self worth is not tied to my appearance.

 

I know I could focus on my weight, and get back down to a size 6, but doing so would take time away from all of the interesting things I'm doing. It's not worth it to me. I'm happy how I am.

 

I do ask myself, "Am I in a depression to not care about how I look?" I have to say no, because I'm really happy right now. I like spending time on things that matter to me instead of what matters to "the world".

 

I do consider the health aspects, but I believe that my being happy, and eating a variety of healthy whole foods will bring more health benefits than stressing about weight.

 

This is just my crazy take on aging.

[laylamcb]

 

but lately i have been gaining weight. it is from eating too much. (caramel apples with the kids after lunch, popcorn or wine with dh at night) i still work out, but it isn't enough. I am not overweight yet, but not the tiny thinness I was a year ago.

 

 

I hear you, Ohio. I've put on weight since the beginning of the year when I injured a disc in my back. Before that one of my main hobbies was weightlifting; now, not so much. I'm just...afraid, I guess.

 

I don't think that there's anything wrong with a few extra pounds, but I don't want to let it get out of control. Weight loss is just so hard, much harder than weight maintenance. And for me, I'm already vigilant about what I eat, so it's not like I can cut back or change what I'm eating to lose weight. It's exercise. Got to get back to the weights!

 

Hot? I just don't have that kind of look about me. But I've always looked and felt athletic, and I don't ever want to lose that. And I think that that's what bothers me most: not the few extra pounds but the loss of muscle. Sigh....

[Zelda]

I gained a lot of weight after my first two and I did not wear it well. I went from caring deeply to nothing. It was a phase that lasted about 4 years and 2 kids so I can't blame it just on being a new mom.

 

After I finally got down to a more reasonable weight for my height I started caring again. I had a phase where I cared about it A LOT and that tapered off to what I now think is a reasonable balance but what I'm sure is seen by some as unreasonable vanity.

 

Although I'm not sure I'd call it trying to be 'hot'. I think once I got the minivan and started saying stuff like, "The next person who picks their nose has to pick the nose of everyone in this line", and, "Who has a poopy diaper? I know its not me", that was over for me. At this point I'm settling for "Clearly Exhausted But Trying".

[elegantlion]

Hot, not quite. Ironically I have a better self-image now than I did when I was in high school and much skinnier.

 

I'm working to be fit and not a certain size or weight. I am working to lose some weight, but have a very muscular build and can probably look 20lbs lighter than I really am.

 

My ds and I have similar complexions. When I compare his hands to mine I see my age (41) in some of texture. The first time I noticed, it was distressing.

 

I do care, but I don't obsess about it like I did years ago. My dress style is very casual but I try to not look frumpy.

 

Honestly, I want to look good for myself. If my dh thinks I look "hot" great. But my body is only part of that for him. If I feel happy, smile, flirt with him, feed him, and keep his socks clean he thinks that is pretty hot. :D

[Lisa R.]

If you're over 40, this is a great solution to enhancing your look. Even if you workout and watch your diet, the body will still likely need some more help. There are making these better and more comfortable. You'd be amazed at the difference. I suggest trying some on at the store and seeing for yourself. They come in all sizes.

 

I've been reading the book, How Not to Look Old by Charla Krupp. I can highly recommend this book to someone over 40 who wants some tips on how to look better. It's not about looking too young (trying to look like your teenage daughter) but making the most out of what you have. It does go a little over the top as the author admits being high maintenance. But this is a lady that knows what she's talking about. I take what I want and throw out the rest. Here are some of her best tips:

 

Switch from red lipstick to pink. Red can look too harsh. Pink is softer.

Arch your eye brows upward.

Lighten up on the foundation and powder.

Cut some bangs.

Slim down with shapewear.

Switch from powder blush to cream blush.

 

If you like wearing make up or would like to learn how, this is the book. If you'd like to spiff up your wardrobe, this book will tell you.

 

I got it from the library. It had about 30 hold on it. You can check out the reviews on Amazon, too.

[lynn]

I do care how I look, not because I'm vain. It does matter to me for my dh travels and works in an office with a lot of women who are all put together when they get to work and some just do not care if men are married or not. I trust my dh 100% it's the other women I do not trust at all. So I put in the effort most days to look good. I exercise and watch what I eat for myself but the side benefits of weight control and how my skin looks are secondary.

[elegantlion]

For the past two years, I've been a size 12. I don't weigh myself, I don't limit the kids of foods I eat, or feel guilty about enjoying food. My size really does not bother me. My self worth is not tied to my appearance.

 

I know I could focus on my weight, and get back down to a size 6, but doing so would take time away from all of the interesting things I'm doing. It's not worth it to me. I'm happy how I am.

 

I do ask myself, "Am I in a depression to not care about how I look?" I have to say no, because I'm really happy right now. I like spending time on things that matter to me instead of what matters to "the world".

I do consider the health aspects, but I believe that my being happy, and eating a variety of healthy whole foods will bring more health benefits than stressing about weight.

 

This is just my crazy take on aging.

 

:iagree::iagree: At my thinnest I could be an 8. Right now I'm about a 14/16 and I'll be happy with a 12.

[Debbie in OR]

Although I'm not sure I'd call it trying to be 'hot'. I think once I got the minivan and started saying stuff like, "The next person who picks their nose has to pick the nose of everyone in this line", and, "Who has a poopy diaper? I know its not me", that was over for me. At this point I'm settling for "Clearly Exhausted But Trying".

 

Zelda, You just make me laugh. A lot.

[Mama Lynx]

I got to a point last year where I was really making an effort.

 

However, I simply cannot seem to lose weight. I am very well-informed about diet and weight loss. I have always been successful with weight loss in the past. I have exercised. I have eaten vegetables. I rarely drink soda, or eat junk. But there are two problems: One, I seem to have less ability than ever before to stick with calorie restriction; and Two, it doesn't seem to matter. Even if I do everything right, the weight. doesn't. budge.

 

I'm not gaining, but I haven't lost anything in at least two years.

 

What now?

[Elaine]

i always swore that i would not get heavy when i had kids. i did gain a lot of weight with pregnancy, but worked hard to lose it. i also always try to dress nice (as budget allows) when i go on dates or to church, but i wear sweats and t-shirts around the house.

 

but lately i have been gaining weight. it is from eating too much. (caramel apples with the kids after lunch, popcorn or wine with dh at night) i still work out, but it isn't enough. I am not overweight yet, but not the tiny thinness I was a year ago.

 

but here is the thing. i don't really care that much and that bothers me. i think i am at a pretty happy stage in my life, i have been pouring myself into decorating the house a little and hsing the kids. question: should i go back to caring..or stay not caring?

 

what is your outlook on yourself? do you think a lot about looking thin having good hair, clothes etc? if not why? i feel like i see a lot of moms that just don't care at all. i am not sure if i am becoming that or not. and whether it is ok or not.

 

For me, I care. I run a lot but I also eat quite a lot so it balances out. It may be a little bit about vanity, but I am very uncomfortable with even a 5lb weight fluctuation so I do my best to hover around a certain area.

 

Call me old fashioned but I like to look nice when my husband comes home. I am always showered, dressed and gussied up. I think that he deserves that.:001_smile: He has never asked me to do this but he frequently comments on how nice it is to come home and see me looking so pretty.

[OhM]

Never was hot, never will be. Only slightly larger now than when I married (which was smaller than I was in high school and college); but that after getting in gear last year w/Sparkpeople and dropping the 20 lbs gained after quitting work to become a SAHM/homeschooling mom!

 

Feeling good is more important to me than looking "hot".

 

Not trying too hard right now - it's an effort to get dressed up for anything! Jeans & t-shirt, baby. Luckily, dh is on board - it sure wasn't my looks that attracted him in the first place. ;)

[NevadaRabbit]

Sheesh, I've been all over the map weight-wise and sat here nodding my head at nearly every post (except the ones where anyone said "I could stay a size 6 without trying.")

 

I was a skinny kid with a mom who pushed more food. I finally started gaining in college but had no discipline and no knowledge of healthy eating. Gained 95 lbs over 3 pregnancies and kept it on. Went from skinny kid to 230-lb size 22 mother of two. Finally got a grip, made healthy changes, lost 90 lbs and got down to size 6 (that was in 2004). Kept it off. Thyroid went whacko in 2006, 40 lbs jumped back on in a matter of about 4 months, and they will NOT leave me. (Nodded so hard at Stephanie's post I nearly gave myself whiplash.)

 

I care very much about my appearance, and I don't mean in the vain way I was at a size 6. My experiences have been from the extreme of not caring to the extreme of caring way too much. I just want to not have to stress over every.pickin'.bite.I.eat. I want to eat out once a week and not see the scale jump FOUR POUNDS the next morning after eating half a chicken wrap and 3 french fries. My metabolism is jacked, our society's perception of "hot" and "healthy" is jacked, our nation's eating habits are jacked, and I'm fed up! I don't want to be "hot". I just want to be healthy and not have to count carrot sticks to stay that way.

[bkpan]

Used to care alot when I was younger, and I also got a lot of positive attention for it. During my first pregnancy I gained quite a bit, and for the most part, have maintained that higher weight through 5 more dc. I have gone through a long season of not caring much at all. Sometimes it is so freeing and other times it feels very selfish (thinking of dh here). My dh would never say it, but I know that he would appreciate me losing weight. It is the lack of motivation that keeps me from losing the extra weight and getting fit.

 

I am hoping to find that "state of mind" though. The motivation will come from a desire for good health now though, not looking "hot".

 

Kim

[Tami]

 

I got a kick out of this picture, just taken yesterday in my old jeans, so I thought I'd share it. :D Here's a little about me and my journey.

 

I was in complete denial about how frumpy and fat I became after I started homeschooling. I ballooned up to 215#, and was tired all the time. When I started eating clean and working out at the age of 37, my body started responding. I don't exactly look "hot" but I have a lower resting heart rate, less fat on my body, and way more energy now at 39 than I have had since high school! I love working out now Shopping for clothes is more fun, since I don't have t.o stick to "Plus" sizes anymore. I take the time to dress well, including make-up and a fun accessory or two on most days. Taking the time to look attractive makes my husband feel special, and the guy thinks I am the hottest thing going! It's great to feel *sexy* again, I don't mind sayin'! For me, exhaustion, rolls of flab and layers of cellulite did not feel sexy. ;)

 

My body is still releasing fat, and I have lost 9 more pounds since June. Right now I am a size 12 (5'9). I don't care what my weight does, as long as I am working out and eating right. To those who are struggling with weight, I would say NEVER GIVE UP!!! Take baby steps toward better health, and don't be afraid to just begin wherever you are. Preparing healthy food takes no more time than making high fat/high calorie fare. A better body is built in the kitchen, and it is never too late to start! I just want to encourage anybody who feels hopeless, that you can be more fit, no matter what your age!

Edited October 11, 2008 by Tami

[Nicole M]

Maybe what I'm saying is that you can be comfortable with where you are...but if you start going up and up (easy to do in the hormone years), you may want to do something about it then.

 

 

At 41, I'm way hotter now than I've ever been. Oh, with the exception of when I was pregnant the second time. I was on fire, baby. I loved my body, I loved being pregnant, I felt strong and happy and confident. Then in my 30s, I lapsed into sadness, graduate school, uncertainty about what I wanted to be when I grew up, hating my job, that crap. I still don't love my job, but I'm happy with who and where I am.

 

For me, it's not about weight or what I wear but how comfy I am with myself. Though, I do believe that white tennies should be outlawed, and clothes should fit, and nice accessories, earrings and cool shoes, make all the difference. So yeah, I have a style, and I feel good, and that's what counts.

[Pretty in Pink]

wow Tami, congratulations on your success! you look amazing!

 

i'll stick my neck out here and say that yes, i do care and try to look "hot" for my dh. i'm not obsessed with it, but i make the effort. i don't show up at soccer games in heels :lol: (usually...i've been known to wear moderate heels with nice, slim jeans though). my body hasn't changed drastically since having children, though my tummy will never be the same. i do have stretch marks but what can a girl do about those anyway? i work out and stay toned, get my hair trimmed regularly, care for my complexion. i wear cute, form fitting clothes. i don't show lots of skin, but my hubby knows i always have on, um, nice undergarments. fitness is important to me. i like to look and feel good about my body when the lights go down :tongue_smilie:

[Aubrey]

I don't know how old you are, but I think there are stages of a woman's life that are best yielded to. Can you imagine a grandmother who's headed to the gym & worried about her bmi? Vs the one in the apron w/ the bun baking cookies? There comes a point when you *need* to be a little fluffy.

 

You're not a grmother yet, & I'd expound, but 1yo says not now. LOL Sorry....

[CactusPair]

Tami, Tami, you are my hero!!! You look marvelous:001_smile:

 

But your motivation to help yourself is even more beautiful and inspiring!

 

Now, to get my own tired tail in gear....

 

I'm slim, but so not hot. I gave up during my pregnancy with #2. too tired after that to care.

[Nestof3]

Wow Tami -- amazing and inspiring!

 

I don't have a current picture, but here is one 10 years ago and then another a year ago. I just blew up and became so unhealthy looking. My body style is just meant to be narrower.

 

I am at least closer to the first picture, but still a ways to go:

 

 

Edited October 11, 2008 by nestof3

[laylamcb]

 

I don't exactly look "hot"

 

 

Um, I beg to differ, sister! ;)

[Nicole M]

Um, I beg to differ, sister! ;)

 

Yessirree. That, my friend, is one hot momma.

[Nestof3]

Can you imagine a grandmother who's headed to the gym & worried about her bmi? Vs the one in the apron w/ the bun baking cookies?

 

You know, my friend's grandmother just turned 93 this year. She stretches every morning before getting out of bed and still walks every day and does yoga. I think you can actually have the best of both worlds.

 

Meaning, being energetic and healthy and being a cozy grandma -- I think there's a balance.

[laylamcb]

Sheesh, I've been all over the map weight-wise and sat here nodding my head at nearly every post (except the ones where anyone said "I could stay a size 6 without trying.")

 

I was a skinny kid with a mom who pushed more food. I finally started gaining in college but had no discipline and no knowledge of healthy eating. Gained 95 lbs over 3 pregnancies and kept it on. Went from skinny kid to 230-lb size 22 mother of two. Finally got a grip, made healthy changes, lost 90 lbs and got down to size 6 (that was in 2004). Kept it off. Thyroid went whacko in 2006, 40 lbs jumped back on in a matter of about 4 months, and they will NOT leave me. (Nodded so hard at Stephanie's post I nearly gave myself whiplash.)

 

I care very much about my appearance, and I don't mean in the vain way I was at a size 6. My experiences have been from the extreme of not caring to the extreme of caring way too much. I just want to not have to stress over every.pickin'.bite.I.eat. I want to eat out once a week and not see the scale jump FOUR POUNDS the next morning after eating half a chicken wrap and 3 french fries. My metabolism is jacked, our society's perception of "hot" and "healthy" is jacked, our nation's eating habits are jacked, and I'm fed up! I don't want to be "hot". I just want to be healthy and not have to count carrot sticks to stay that way.

 

I'm there with you, Jill. There was a thread the other day asking who was on a diet. Feels like I'm ALWAYS on a diet as a matter of course--it's just the way I live. I'm extremely conscious of everything that goes in because like you, it's gonna stick somewhere. :glare:

 

Now I just need to get some Well-Trained Weightlifting Women over here to help me get back in shape again. I guess a back injury is like riding a bicycle: I didn't get right back on, and now I'm just so scared.

 

Oh! And Dawn: Your hair is magnificent. Wow!

[camibami]

DH has gained about 50 pounds since we've been married, and I honestly don't notice it on him, so I'm guessing he wouldn't notice my lack of hotness. Truthfully, I'm naturally thin, I dress fairly well (regrettably, more style than money!) and I guess I'm attractive. It takes minimal effort on my part- some makeup, fix my hair, and I probably do border on "hot".So most days, its no makeup, hair in a pony tail, because that's passable, LOL.

 

Actually, its a relief to loose the attention I got when I was younger. It sucked. I worry about my oldest DD for this reason- she is only 10, but its starting already. It really messes with your head to find out someone you respect is lusting after you, and that happened to me with teachers, bosses, married men, etc when I was younger. After a while you start to think maybe you have nothing to offer but how you look, because no one seems to care about anything else. So falling off the hotness meter seems to be a positive for me.

[sleepy]

Tami, You are totally hot! Very inspiring post, thanks for sharing! :001_smile:

[BarbaraL in OK]

This reminds me that when I was a young adult I noticed some fit, attractive older women with white hair, and thought, "I want to grow old like they are!" Now I am old enough to technically be a grandmother (46 in a few weeks), and I have finally been taking some action in that direction.

 

I was never the skinny girl but never as big as I thought I was, either. In my 20s my weight varied by 10 pounds up and down, with "down" looking really pretty good, but after having kids in my 30s I never totally lost the baby weight. Eventually, very slowly, I moved away from sloppy big pants and tops and started wearing a bit of makeup, and even if I hadn't left the house all day, making sure I spiffed up some for when my husband arrives home at the end of his day. A year ago I was still firmly in the camp of carrying an extra 25 pounds, by then always wearing relaxed but nice dresses and skirts, with a little bit of eye makeup and lip color. I was content with that, pretty much, and yet... in my heart of hearts I wished I was more active and fit.

 

I started walking, joined SparkPeople and the Well-Trained Sparks team (hi Tami! you look HOT in my book!!), logged my food on SP which naturally led me to improve what and how much I was eating... and from April 'til September I lost 15 pounds and dropped from a size 16 to a 12-or-less, gained stamina, energy, strength, and confidence, improved my posture (they used to call it "carriage", right?), discovered fitted clothes (LOL), and found a whole new world!

 

Now I hit my favorite thrift store regularly to replace my too-big things with nicely FITTED clothes in my current actual size. My skirts are short and slim rather than ankle- and calf-length & relaxed/too big, my tops show that I have curves and even a waist, and I think I look very nice! Also, I am acquiring a whole new, um, underthings wardrobe, which is very fun for me and for my dear husband. My husband loves me anyway, but we both really enjoy that I feel and look so much better now.

 

I really, really like being active and finding new things to try. My husband and I are tackling learning to dance, which is very fun. I still have another 5 or so pounds to my original goal weight, though at this point my goal is strength and fitness, rather than a certain weight. The tummy may never be flat, but so it goes :) I'm aiming to slim down enough (lose enough fat) that muscle not jiggle is the main action at my hips and tummy, lol.

 

I guess I feel hot, or sexy, because I am so much more comfortable with my still-imperfect body, am dressing in more flattering clothes, and have lots more energy and better posture, and my husband lets me know of his appreciation too :) It's truly been a whole new world for me, one that a year ago I couldn't imagine for myself.

[Mama Lynx]

Thyroid went whacko in 2006, 40 lbs jumped back on in a matter of about 4 months, and they will NOT leave me. (Nodded so hard at Stephanie's post I nearly gave myself whiplash.)

 

I care very much about my appearance, and I don't mean in the vain way I was at a size 6. My experiences have been from the extreme of not caring to the extreme of caring way too much. I just want to not have to stress over every.pickin'.bite.I.eat. I want to eat out once a week and not see the scale jump FOUR POUNDS the next morning after eating half a chicken wrap and 3 french fries. My metabolism is jacked, our society's perception of "hot" and "healthy" is jacked, our nation's eating habits are jacked, and I'm fed up! I don't want to be "hot". I just want to be healthy and not have to count carrot sticks to stay that way.

 

 

Amen, Sister!

 

(I;m also beginning to wonder if my thyroid is whacked. Or is it: if my thyroid is whack? These crazy kids and their newfangled jive ...)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am frumpy. I have been frumpy for the last 7 years. And yes, I've given up. I don't like it but I feel defeated. I have severe energy problems: I'm getting treatment for adrenal problems, thyroid problems, vitamin D deficiency and chronic pain. My problems get worse with too much exercise but improve with a little bit of exercise. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that magic amount of exercise is. I've been dealing with these health problems for 16 years. So part of me doesn't have too much hope for myself but one part of me still wants to have just a tiny bit of hope that it will improve. In the meantime, my husband sees the real me and he thinks I'm still hot. And my friends see the real me and they think I'm a good friend (I don't care if they don't think I'm hot).

[Diana in OR]

i'll stick my neck out here and say that yes, i do care and try to look "hot" for my dh. i'm not obsessed with it, but i make the effort. i don't show up at soccer games in heels :lol: (usually...i've been known to wear moderate heels with nice, slim jeans though).

 

I'm constantly working on losing weight, but finally making some headway. The older I get, the more I care about how I look, but the less I care what others (except dh) think, if that makes sense.

 

I do notice, however, that when I try to look decent--put on a little makeup, clean jeans and anything except a t-shirt or sweatshirt, I feel horribly overdressed on the soccer field. Around here, standard non-work dress seems to be tank tops, short and flip-flops. In the winter, you still see a lot of flip flops, only with sweats instead of shorts.

[herbalgirl]

I am 33 and have just now started feeling like I need to keep up with my looks. I have never been a real "hottie", but I feel compelled to keep up with exercise so that I don't keep tacking on 10 or so lbs. with each child I have, wear a bit of makeup while out, etc.

[herbalgirl]

I'm constantly working on losing weight, but finally making some headway. The older I get, the more I care about how I look, but the less I care what others (except dh) think, if that makes sense.

 

That makes total sense to me. That is how I feel. It is the feeling I personally have where I don't want to let myself go. I am not out to impress anyone else, as I am already married and could care less what other guys think! ha!

[sagira]

Before I met my future dh I had already let myself go.. :lol: I was never one to care about appearance and would appear in oversized sweaters, uncombed hair and ugly red slippers in class when I went to class with dh in college. He met me like that. Once in a while I would dress up, and it was like those Oprah make-overs, because when I do, I look hot.

 

Dh is the same. He gets a haircut once every three of four months (if he remembers), and his hair doesn't look combed. But he's very handsome, so he can get away with it ;)

 

Since I've had ds I care a bit more the way I look, and for the first time I see clothes as something else as "just cover the nakedness before you go out". My mother was always struggling with me when growing up because she and my grandmother always care a LOT about their appearance, dress up in current fashions, shoes, accessories (what's that?) and place a weird importance on hair :001_huh:

 

Since I'm not in the habit I still forget to put on my cologne or perfume, make-up or comb my hair all the time. But at least I'm clean :lol:

 

I haven't shaved in over a month, and I grow profuse, long black hair on my legs pretty fast. I don't even shave during the colder months (40-60 degrees for us South Floridians) because I can't bear it. Dh thinks I look hot. I still get men staring at me, so why should I even try to look better? I told dh (jokingly, of course) if I tried hard to look better I would have a soccer team of men at our door.

 

I've always been considered attractive and I always felt I have to tone it down. It's not even that I'm that pretty (IMO), but people always think I look hot. I'm a size 6 now after having two kiddos, instead of my old 4. Doesn't bother me one bit. Dd is going to be prettier than me, and she attracts a TON of attention wherever she goes (my mom told me I was that way), so let's hope she doesn't care excessively about her appearance!

 

Oh.. and I eat like a horse :tongue_smilie: Got fast metabolism, I'm nursing dd a lot, and I've made brownies for the second time this week :drool5:

Edited October 11, 2008 by sagira

[Jill- OK]

I certainly think there's a middle ground possible between "not caring" and being obsessed with looking good... One can take care of one's body *and* be happy with it, even if it isn't model-perfect. One can dress well (not sweats) without spending the time and energy one might before an interview or a date...

 

I think it's great to "let go" just a bit and not focus all one's energy on how one looks or being thin. In a way, having children was healing for me, because I saw my body as something that did good work -- it served a purpose beyond "looking good"... For me, there was a healing and a maturing in that...

 

But that doesn't mean I have to be frumpy and dumpy either! It's still possible to dress my rounder body decently well. I can still try to look put-together. And I'm a happier, more productive person if I'm not feeling slovenly or hoping no one looks in my general direction.

 

I certainly have no illusions about being "hot". ;) But I don't think I've "given up" either. :)

 

This is how I feel, too...although I wear 'lounge wear' and forget about the 'looking put together' more than Abbey does/would, I think. ;-)

[LNC]

I look frumpy and feel terrible about it. So, I don't think I fall into either category - bc I know I look bad, but I do care!!

[happyWImom]

This has come down to it for me as well. When I heard my ds 9 ask me if drinking too much milk would make him fat, I flipped (:eek: me flipping). I now watch carefully the emphasis I put on food, exercising, being healthy. My dh and I are runners and we have an 80/20 rule with regards to our food: 80% of the time, we eat very healthily, which allows me to not freak out about the remaining 20%). So, as long as we are keeping this balance of being healthy, it transfers easily to our kids, and keeps the emphasis where I want it to be: on being healthy.

 

Debbie:

 

I love the 80/20 rule! I myself used to care WAY too much about how I looked and it took away from enjoying life, I think. On the flip side, I am now the heaviest I've ever been, and it is a result of not exercising (which I always have done), using food as comfort, and just plain being discouraged about the whole thing. Through it all, I have never stopped wanted to look "nice", but I am not putting emphasis on the "hot" part.

 

I do want to be a good example to my kids and eat healthy and exercise, so that is why I am starting to make positive changes. Since I've become stronger in my faith, I realized that putting to much attention on looking perfect is a waste of time.

[kalanamak]

i always swore that i would not get heavy when i had kids. i did gain a lot of weight with pregnancy, but worked hard to lose it. i also always try to dress nice (as budget allows) when i go on dates or to church, but i wear sweats and t-shirts around the house.

 

.

 

My mother used to warn me that men will "bother you" until you are wrinkled as a prune. Well, I didn't get her looks, and the last time I remember an appreciative look was around about age 33. I think I quit caring (not that I ever cared much) soon after that. No lookie, no thinkie. I just quit thinking about it. It was kind of a relief, actually.

 

I did notice, as I mooched into 50, that older men whom I really liked, admired, thought were smart, joked with, confided in, etc started to "sparkle" at me a little tiny bit. By older I mean 60-70. I don't feel the least bit worried about it, but I do have a feeling at work that people are being polite to those who they might look over if they were widowed or dumped. I admit it has crossed my mind. You feel so mortal when people your age start having heart attacks and cancer and fatal aneurysms , and a couple of them, given a decent amount of time, would make a good male figure in my son's life. It is a road I hope I never have to patter down, but I'd hate for a 7 year old only to have only one parent....

[JennifersLost]

I'm working through a book this year called "Younger By the Day" - it has a little blurb to read each day, like an inspiration book.

 

It's not anything too special, but that's really my focus this year. My kids became old enough to be pretty independent this year. They used to use up a ton of my energy; now they are so helpful they contribute to my energy.

 

I have had health problems for years that finally made me realize that if I was wise, I'd spend 2 hours a day on exercise. EVERY SINGLE DAY. This isn't selfishness - this is reality. But I'm still struggling to make that happen.

 

I lost a lot of weight and I'm keeping it off, but I have to think about it constantly and work very hard. I feel wonderful, though.

 

I look much better than I did five years ago. I'm thinner, dress better, have a wardrobe (finally), get to shower, shave, do my hair on a regular basis (no toddlers!) and so on. It shows in my attitude, my energy level, my looks and the amount of attention I can give dh.

 

I love that I had four kids. I love that I homeschooled them. And I am so grateful to be on the other side where there's a little time for me now. I wouldn't change a thing.

[Peek a Boo]

See my avatar?

 

that's pretty close.

 

i was just pulling out my costume to touch up for Halloween this year.

 

I don't obsess about getting made up, but when i do..... yeah, i rock ;)

 

humble too :D

 

but i'm only 34.

 

ask me again at 50 ;)