looking hot: when did you give up? or did you?

[Peela]

I weigh 5kg more than I did soon after my 2nd child, but i am not overweight. But never skinny.

I notice the extra weight.

And I feel much more relaxed and content with my weight now than I did when I was 5kg skinnier, when I thought I was fat! A little roundness and fat is softening for a woman and a mature man will appreciate that, rather than the sought after waif-child-figure that is so sought after right through menopause nowadays.

I feel much more comfortable in myself than I did 10 years ago. If I put on a lot of weight...yes, I would be concerned. But I am happy with how I am.

[Cindy in C-ville]

Nope, I haven't given up - not for dh and not for me. I'm not trying to impress any other man and don't want any attention beyond that of my husband. I know what he finds sexy and I dress for HIM on our date nights. I dress (undress) for HIM in our bedroom (and for me b/c when I feel beautiful, I am more free to enjoy him). I eat wisely and choose to indulge with a glass of wine or whatever when I'm with him b/c of the way eating wisely makes me feel and makes me look. I choose to exercise for the same reason. Genetically, I'm a "A" shape which I find to be challenging, but it's okay and I've learned how to dress in a way that fits my shape. VERY rarely do I wear sweats, fail to get dressed, showered, etc. So, nope, not giving up, but as a 42 yo mom of 6 fabulous kiddoes my goals and the rubric for determinining whether or not I've reach my goals is not the same as it was when I was 21. However, I do not consider it a compliment when someone says, "Wow! You look great for having 6 kids!" I just smile and say, "Thanks," but I really think that's a cop-out. Having kids does not mean that you throw in the towel. But, in my heart of hearts, I would much rather cultivate inner beauty that is unfading. So, I exercise, eat right, dress well, etc., but am more attentive to nurturing my soul.

[Stacey in MA]

I was gaining too much weight. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I was winded easily, growing out of clothes, achy, etc. I've lost 10lbs recently due to trying.

 

Interesting anecdote for you though.... We are listening to the Anne of Green Gables series on tape (on Anne of the Island presently). Anne and Dianna ( or was it Phillipa?) were just talking about "What do you think I'll look like when I'm 40?"...they were basically saying that they'd be big and fat and married and happy! It was like it was part of the plan to gain weight through the years. I found that very interesting, and enlightening.

 

Anyway, I would say that if you are HAPPY, then don't worry about it. And if you hit a point where you or DH aren't happy about your appearance, then you do some work to get it where you want it. Just don't sweat it - I think that's what age has taught me. Don't sweat it, but when you do start sweating it, do something about it and be pleased with whatever you are ABLE to do at that point.

 

GL and HTH! - Stacey in MA

[Chris in CA]

For me, I care. I run a lot but I also eat quite a lot so it balances out. It may be a little bit about vanity, but I am very uncomfortable with even a 5lb weight fluctuation so I do my best to hover around a certain area.

 

Call me old fashioned but I like to look nice when my husband comes home. I am always showered, dressed and gussied up. I think that he deserves that.:001_smile: He has never asked me to do this but he frequently comments on how nice it is to come home and see me looking so pretty.

 

This is me to a T

[Audrey]

Size is not an issue for me. Every day I make an effort to dress neatly, even if I'm going to do down-and-dirty labour that day. I do my hair, put on at least mascara and lip gloss, too.

 

Not because I think I have to look a certain way for someone else, but because I feel more "me" if I do that. I think if you're confident, other people notice that.

 

It's as much about attitude as anything else. And baby... I know I'm hot. :)

Edited October 12, 2008 by Audrey

[Natalieclare]

I don't try to look hot, but I try really hard to BE hot...for me and my dh when we enjoy our connubial celebrations. This takes alot of mental/emotional effort for me since I am 100 pounds overweight. (Well, was 100 pounds, now it's 70 pounds since I lost 30 due to the grace of God and the wonderful inspiration of some of the ladies on this board.) But the effort to overcome the baggage of overweight is well worth it. Even if I can't look 'hot', I'll only be doing both myself and my dh a disservice if I let my setbacks rule my whole life. So, I'll just have to let the HOT on the inside be as fiery as I can while I get my outside to catch up.

[Nestof3]

I don't try to look hot, but I try really hard to BE hot...for me and my dh when we enjoy our connubial celebrations. This takes alot of mental/emotional effort for me since I am 100 pounds overweight. (Well, was 100 pounds, now it's 70 pounds since I lost 30 due to the grace of God and the wonderful inspiration of some of the ladies on this board.) But the effort to overcome the baggage of overweight is well worth it. Even if I can't look 'hot', I'll only be doing both myself and my dh a disservice if I let my setbacks rule my whole life. So, I'll just have to let the HOT on the inside be as fiery as I can while I get my outside to catch up.

__________________

Natalieclare

 

 

There's a lot of truth there! Well-spoken.

[mommylawyer]

I truly, honestly only think I look hot when I'm about 5-7 months pregnant. I never feel as secure about myself or my body as I do when I'm at that stage of pregnancy. Maybe that's part of the reason I love being pregnant!

[abbeyej]

This is how I feel, too...although I wear 'lounge wear' and forget about the 'looking put together' more than Abbey does/would, I think. ;-)

 

My kids won't *let* me, lol. Once I tried to leave the house (just a quick run out for milk or something) and the kids gasped in *horror* that I would leave the house "in pajamas"! I was wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants. Apparently I'm only allowed to wear those as pajamas or to dance class. Otherwise, all my clothes had better be woven and have buttons or zippers...

[WTMindy]

i always swore that i would not get heavy when i had kids. i did gain a lot of weight with pregnancy, but worked hard to lose it. i also always try to dress nice (as budget allows) when i go on dates or to church, but i wear sweats and t-shirts around the house.

 

but lately i have been gaining weight. it is from eating too much. (caramel apples with the kids after lunch, popcorn or wine with dh at night) i still work out, but it isn't enough. I am not overweight yet, but not the tiny thinness I was a year ago.

 

but here is the thing. i don't really care that much and that bothers me. i think i am at a pretty happy stage in my life, i have been pouring myself into decorating the house a little and hsing the kids. question: should i go back to caring..or stay not caring?

 

what is your outlook on yourself? do you think a lot about looking thin having good hair, clothes etc? if not why? i feel like i see a lot of moms that just don't care at all. i am not sure if i am becoming that or not. and whether it is ok or not.

I haven't read all the other posts yet, but I would ask the question of what your dh think about it? It is very important to my dh that I don't gain a lot of weight. I still struggle with about 15 pounds that I'd love to get off, but I work very hard to stay in good shape for him. Obviously, it is for myself as well, but I want to look good for my dh. He stays fit and healthy for me also. I want to model healthy behavior for my kids. I don't want to model an obsession with staying thin or dieting, but I want them to see me exercising and not eating everything that I could to stay in shape.

[chaik76]

I have a quirky, eclectic sense of style that has pretty much stayed with me since marriage, homeschooling, and kids. I gained a lot of weight when my thyroid kicked out on me, and I had to look harder to find the clothes I like....but I do take the time and effort. I don't know if I'm "hot" or "attractive" by anyone else's standards, but it makes me happy to look the way I do, so I make the effort.

 

(fwiw, though, I don't wear...and never have...any makeup. I'm not a nylons, dresses type of gal either.)

[Peek a Boo]

I truly, honestly only think I look hot when I'm about 5-7 months pregnant. I never feel as secure about myself or my body as I do when I'm at that stage of pregnancy. Maybe that's part of the reason I love being pregnant!

 

lookie what i just found buried in a folder!!

 

This is me when i was just around my due date w/ #4.....

[Robin in Tx]

Ummmm.... you're assuming, of course, that looking "hot" was EVER a dream I dared to dream! LOL

[StaceyinLA]

But really, I do try and look good. Now I'm not one who's going to put on nice clothes and makeup to hang out at the house (sweats all the way!!), but I own nice, fairly stylish clothing for going places.

 

As far as weight, I have gained about 10 lbs this summer and am back to my healthier ways to drop it. I am 5' 3 1/2" and am usually around 120 lbs. I weighed 115 after having had all 4 of my kids and I looked great. Over the last 10 years or so, I've inched up to 120ish. Right now I am 130ish. Most people can't really tell, but I know my clothes are tighter so I'm losing the weight. I figure if I start allowing myself to move up sizes now, there will be no turning back...

 

I feel like I look pretty good for 40. Most people don't believe I'm that age and I actually got carded about 3 months ago (though that guy really just must've been DUMB cuz I KNOW I don't look THAT young!!), so overall I'd have to say I look ok.

[Plucky]

My dh tells me I'm beautiful everyday, but being attractive has never been high on my priority list. I'm lucky my genes are pretty good, even if I do need to lose some weight.

[Nestof3]

I am 5' 3 1/2" and am usually around 120 lbs.

 

That's me too, Stacey!

[Joanne]

Ok, well I'm the woman who doesn't mind showing cleavage. ;)

 

I spent my first marriage getting more deeply depressed, not caring about my looks/weight/health, wearing thrift store out of date clothing and feeling worse about myself.

 

I lost the husband, lost a bunch of weight, grew my hair out, started dying it, got contacts and even wear make up now. I'm not obsessed by *any* stretch, but I am appropriately in tune.

 

There are times, for a middle aged mother of 3, I look *hot*. I get hit on constantly at work.

 

I have to admit, I am flattered by the attention.

 

My husband, well, he thinks it's terrific, too.

[KidsHappen]

And to tell you the truth, I am thankful that I can be anonymous and unnoticed as I go about my day to day life. I was a "hot" teen/young adult. I got a lot of unwanted attention. Once I started going to college and working I learned to dress more professionally which helped but I hated it. I have serious sensory issues and I can tell you that the pantyhose and shoes were off in the car on the way home and the rest as soon as I came in the door. My oldest two recently said that they can remember when I didn't own any jeans at all. Now I exclusively wear jeans and t-shirts and I have several children that have never seen me in a dress or high heel shoes.

 

I peridocially flirt with the idea of putting more effort into dressing up/looking nice but it never sticks. My hubby says that he likes me they way I am and I already have to work really hard keeping him at bay sometimes so I believe him. I certainly don't want to do anything to encourage him even more. I look forward to being an old lady. Then nobody will think twice when I go to the grocery store in my pajamas nor will they care if I am a little plump and soft. I have recently found myself saying, "When I am an old lady, I shall wear purple . . ." :)