Was/ is any of it worth it?

[lllll]

nm

Edited July 9, 2016 by ~ d9n

[Bluegoat]

I do think there is a difference between wanting a stable home - one where you have some kind of security, and wanting one where you can have some peace and order, and having a home with nice finishes and larger or whatever.

 

As far as a stable place, not moving all the time, where you feel safe, I don't know anyone, child or adult, who does not want that in some way.  Even the bohemian world travelers want a sense of being able to be secure, even if it isn't tied so much to location.

 

A nice place, or size, a good location - there is a cross-over there I think with being happy.  Lots of people are stressed if there is mess around, if they feel they cvan't have visitors, if they are worried the house will fall down.  Size can be a factor sometimes, or other aspects of a home not meeting the needs of famlily - making it hard to clean, say, or a home where someone is restricted to one level but the house isn't laid out for that.

 

However - there is a huge difference in my mind between those concerns and offering your kids a new house in the suburbs, or trips to Europe, or having all the latest Star Wars toys, or the latest snazzy school or curriculum. 

[marbel]

Just to answer the question:   no.

 

But there is also nothing to make me regret the choices I made.

 

There is no way anyone can know what would have happened if we'd taken a different path.  We can look at other people who've taken that path and make conjectures from that, but we cannot know.

 

It might have been better for my kids to go to PS and have a working mom.  But they didn't.  So, no point in thinking about it, right?

 

My family did what we did because it seemed to be the best thing at the time.  <shrug>   Best to just go on and not think about what might have been different.  We are satisfied with the way things are turning out.  That's good enough, and that's likely all I will get anyway! 

[zarabellesmom]

Honestly, it mattered me to growing up. I threw out many of my childhood photos because I couldn't look at the nasty carpet and piles of soda cases in the kitchen. Granted, I do live in a house of constant projects and an oddly colored, peeling vinyl kitchen that is waiting renovation, but I do bristle a bit when the sentiment is raised that memories and time are always more important than the living space. I would have gladly given up activities and some of those memories for a clean, visually calm, peaceful place to live and rest, if that had been an option.

 

I was/am an odd duck though.

When my husband and I got married and bought our first home, he didn't understand why I was so desperate to replace the futon in the living room with a nice, new sofa... And it probably wouldn't make sense to most people... But I spent a few childhood years with other's cast off ripped sofas followed by many years of sitting on the floor in the living room... I especially remember Having a friend come over tho visit and then later being teased at school because we didn't have any furniture in the living room. Having a nice sofa in the living room meant I was settled.

 

ETA: it wasn't really about the sofa though... It was more of a symptom of an unsettled life where needs frequently went unmet. I admit, I have the luxury of homeschooling. Our bills are more than paid and life is good. If things were different, I never would have left the workforce.

Edited July 7, 2016 by ZaraBellesMom

[BarbecueMom]

Sounds like you were more bothered by clutter or disorganization than by size. Clean, calm and peaceful can be small.

 

Oh yes, I agree! We are a family of five in a basic 1400sq ft house and it's too big, honestly.

 

I was more or less reacting to this idea that "kids don't care" about how neat a house is or if it's cared for or organized in any way, or that happy vacation memories will gloss over everything. I have always loved architecture and design and organization (and despise traveling!), so saying that the appearance of a home is no big deal and doesn't matter is like saying, "The things you like and liked as a kid didn't matter. Here, try camping instead."

 

Look, I couldn't sell my house tomorrow if I wanted to. My kitchen is half blue/half maroon with exposed subfloor and several broken appliances. Two of the three bathrooms need gutting, there are no closet doors or baseboards anywhere. Until a couple months ago, I could still smell the previous owner's dog in the carpet (been here 7 years). There's a giant hole in the drywall downstairs, the carpet is bending up, and my backyard is a jungle. But it does bother me, and I could spend every second and cent making memories with my family... and it would still bother me! That's just how I'm wired.

[OhanaBee]

When I was younger, I pooh-poohed all the older ladies who would tell me how fast life goes by.  Now I believe them.

 

Wasn't it just yesterday that I had a conversation/argument with my oldest about how her beloved stuffed Bunny was no longer allowed in the grocery store because of his habit of hopping out of the shopping cart??  Two days ago I had almost the exact same conversation with *her* three year old daughter.

 

We never achieved any great scholastic feats.  But my relationship with my children is SO MUCH better than mine ever was with my own mother.  I don't know if homeschooling facilitated that, or if it would have been that way, anyway.  But I do believe that all the time we spent together helped in forming a solid, trusting relationship.

 

Looking at the familial relationships in both mine and my husband's family, I am so glad we homeschooled!  Unlike their aunts and their grandmothers, my girls are still talking to each other in their early adult years.  And still talking to me.

 

They were all able to study things that interested them and we were able to change things up at the last minute to accommodate new interests.  Last year, while standing in line at Disney, my youngest announced that she wanted to study the history of Africa instead of American history [again].  I love that she was able to explore her interest! {And, thanks to her interest in "Hamilton", she still got a very very sneaky US history unit}

 

There are downsides, too, which I won't get into here.  Suffice it to say, my life is not going to be the way I thought it would once all the girls graduated.  But I'm doing ok.  I went back to work 2 years ago which meant that my youngest was pretty much totally responsible for her own education.  Not what I wanted, but it's made her more aware of what she needs to do to get where she wants to be.

 

i wouldn't change anything.  My oldest says she wants to homeschool and her dh is onboard with that.  My middle says she'll never homeschool, and my youngest is keeping her opinions to herself.  Any decision they make is fine with me.  They are all really smart women and I know they'll make the best decision for themselves and their family, just as I tried to do.

[-M-]

Kind of a spinoff. 

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made? 

 

 

It has been more than six years since I hugged my son.

 

Homeschooled from third grade through high school, he decided to become a Marine when he met several veterans at a parade in downtown Chicago. He was ten. His father and I tried to steer him toward college -- he was a terrific reader, thinker, writer, and learner -- and we managed to persuade him to earn his associate degree before enlisting, which he did, with high honors. To be honest, though, his heart was never in it, and he determined that his bachelor's degree would wait: He departed for boot camp in January 2010. We attended his boot camp graduation in early April and flew him home for a nineteen-day leave, at the conclusion of which, he set off for training in California.

 

He was a lance corporal in the USMC when he celebrated his twenty-first birthday in October 2010. I was not there for his birthday, and I had not hugged him in six months, but all of us were looking forward to being together again when he returned home in December for two weeks before his first deployment. 

 

Three weeks before his leave, he died.

 

That was five years, seven months, and seventeen days ago.

 

Was homeschooling "worth it"? you ask in the thread title. Well, at least 2,055 times since that November morning when three grim-faced strangers stood in my livingroom to tell me how sorry they were, I have thanked the universe that our family chose this path. Warts and wonder and all that was in between. Thank you, universe. We had so. much. time. 

 

Time to read, think, and learn.

Time to crouch and look at bugs.

Time for bike rides and walks and game nights and Jeeves & Wooster.

Time for field trips and art projects and science goof-ups.

Time for Shakespeare and science-fiction and more of each.

Time to bring arguments to their healthy conclusions.

Time to talk, just talk.

Time to listen, too.

Time to know each other well.

Time to see, really see.

Time for LEGOs and snacks and hanging out on the couch for a movie on a cold winter afternoon.

Time enough for all of it: the stuff that makes it into the photos we share with others, as well as all of the stuff in the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of images we don't.

 

We had. so. much. time.

 

And we knew it while it was happening. We were aware that for some, there is never enough time, but for us? Well, we had a golden ticket of time.

 

So when grief has wrapped its icy fingers so tightly around my heart and throat that I don't know how I will breathe, let alone speak, I remind myself how much time we had, and grief's grip loosens.

 

And, yes, the life we led because we home-educated was most certainly worth it.

Edited July 8, 2016 by M--

[Guest]

It has been more than six years since I hugged my son.

 

Homeschooled from third grade through high school, he decided to become a Marine when he met several veterans at a parade in downtown Chicago. He was ten. His father and I tried to steer him toward college -- he was a terrific reader, thinker, writer, and learner -- and we managed to persuade him to earn his associate degree before enlisting, which he did, with high honors. To be honest, though, his heart was never in it, and he determined that his bachelor's degree would wait: He departed for boot camp in January 2010. We attended his boot camp graduation in early April and flew him home for a nineteen-day leave, at the conclusion of which, he set off for training in California.

 

He was a lance corporal in the USMC when he celebrated his twenty-first birthday in October 2010. I was not there for his birthday, and I had not hugged him in six months, but all of us were looking forward to being together again when he returned home in December for two weeks before his first deployment.

 

Three weeks before his leave, he died.

 

That was five years, seven months, and seventeen days ago.

 

Was homeschooling "worth it"? you ask in the thread title. Well, at least 2,055 times since that November morning when three grim-faced strangers stood in my livingroom to tell me how sorry they were, I have thanked the universe that our family chose this path. Warts and wonder and all that was in between. Thank you, universe. We had so. much. time.

 

Time to read, think, and learn.

Time to crouch and look at bugs.

Time for bike rides and walks and game nights and Jeeves & Wooster.

Time for field trips and art projects and science goof-ups.

Time for Shakespeare and science-fiction and more of each.

Time to bring arguments to their healthy conclusions.

Time to talk, just talk.

Time to listen, too.

Time to know each other well.

Time to see, really see.

Time for LEGOs and snacks and hanging out on the couch for a movie on a cold winter afternoon.

Time enough for all of it: the stuff that makes it into the photos we share with others, as well as all of the stuff in the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of images we don't.

 

We had. so. much. time.

 

And we knew it while it was happening. We were aware that for some, there is never enough time, but for us? Well, we had a golden ticket of time.

 

So when grief has wrapped its icy fingers so tightly around my heart and throat that I don't know how I will breathe, let alone speak, I remind myself how much time we had, and grief's grip loosens.

 

And, yes, the life we led because we home-educated was most certainly worth it.

I have to say I don't 'like' your post, but it's so beautifully stated and heart rending. I'm so sorry you lost your son and your perspective into time with him while he was growing was just what my somewhat weary, frazzled heart needed to hear. Thank you for sharing that with us, I'm sure it's not the easiest thing to talk about. :grouphug: Edited July 8, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Lecka]

All give some, some give all.

[TranquilMind]

Kind of a spinoff. 

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made? 

 

One thing...one of mine said to me that he was so glad he was home schooled and then told me the reasons why. 

 

On the hard days, in the midst  of trauma, I remember that.

 

[TranquilMind]

It has been more than six years since I hugged my son.

 

Homeschooled from third grade through high school, he decided to become a Marine when he met several veterans at a parade in downtown Chicago. He was ten. His father and I tried to steer him toward college -- he was a terrific reader, thinker, writer, and learner -- and we managed to persuade him to earn his associate degree before enlisting, which he did, with high honors. To be honest, though, his heart was never in it, and he determined that his bachelor's degree would wait: He departed for boot camp in January 2010. We attended his boot camp graduation in early April and flew him home for a nineteen-day leave, at the conclusion of which, he set off for training in California.

 

He was a lance corporal in the USMC when he celebrated his twenty-first birthday in October 2010. I was not there for his birthday, and I had not hugged him in six months, but all of us were looking forward to being together again when he returned home in December for two weeks before his first deployment. 

 

Three weeks before his leave, he died.

 

That was five years, seven months, and seventeen days ago.

 

Was homeschooling "worth it"? you ask in the thread title. Well, at least 2,055 times since that November morning when three grim-faced strangers stood in my livingroom to tell me how sorry they were, I have thanked the universe that our family chose this path. Warts and wonder and all that was in between. Thank you, universe. We had so. much. time. 

 

Time to read, think, and learn.

Time to crouch and look at bugs.

Time for bike rides and walks and game nights and Jeeves & Wooster.

Time for field trips and art projects and science goof-ups.

Time for Shakespeare and science-fiction and more of each.

Time to bring arguments to their healthy conclusions.

Time to talk, just talk.

Time to listen, too.

Time to know each other well.

Time to see, really see.

Time for LEGOs and snacks and hanging out on the couch for a movie on a cold winter afternoon.

Time enough for all of it: the stuff that makes it into the photos we share with others, as well as all of the stuff in the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of images we don't.

 

We had. so. much. time.

 

And we knew it while it was happening. We were aware that for some, there is never enough time, but for us? Well, we had a golden ticket of time.

 

So when grief has wrapped its icy fingers so tightly around my heart and throat that I don't know how I will breathe, let alone speak, I remind myself how much time we had, and grief's grip loosens.

 

And, yes, the life we led because we home-educated was most certainly worth it.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. 

 

That was a beautiful tribute. 

[eternalsummer]

Homeschooling is not magic.  Sometimes it is the better choice and sometimes it is the worse choice; sometimes it makes for a better life for the child and sometimes a worse life; sometimes it makes for a closer relationship with the family and sometimes it complicates, or frustrates, or otherwise harms that relationship.

 

I have one school age kid at home and one in school; we are not closer to the one at home.  He is not happier than the kid in school.  He is probably not even getting a better education, all told (though he does go faster through academics).

 

For *him*, though, homeschooling is the best choice right now, and is worth doing.  If he were in school he would be learning less and would be less happy.

 

But for my DD who is in school, right *now*, school is probably the best place for her.  She is happy there and she gets a break from us :)  Her relationship with us has not suffered.

 

 

There is no perfect solution.

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't for one minute regret homeschooling and being home with my kids. That was, without a doubt, the best decision I made as a parent. For my kids, in our family situation, it was the best thing I could have done for them.

 

Mine are adults (or close to it now), and they have already begun to express gratitude about the way they were raised. I like to think I would know in my heart that it was right even if they weren't saying it out loud, but I won't deny it's nice to have the validation.

 

There are some things I would tweak if I could go back and start over. Specifically, I would have tried to find some way to balance keeping my hand in, work-wise, during the at-home years so that I wouldn't be quite as far behind as I am now that I've been forcibly retired from homeschooling and tossed back into paid employment.

 

But, over all, I don't actually expect to do anything else in the rest of my life that is as rewarding or "worth it" as staying home with and teaching my kids.

[Upptacka]

I have tears streaming down my face right now, but I really needed this thread.

[Liz CA]

We made the decision very deliberately. My mother was a working mother while I was raised by my grandmother. I have / had very different relationships with these two women. Since I grew up with grandma from babyhood, I never really bonded very well with my mother. She had no choice at the time. I had a choice and I didn't want to - one day - look at an adult and think: "It would have been nice to know you better."

Some women do a terrific job juggling work and parenting. I am not one of those. I can only do one thing at a time if I want to do it well.

 

Then there was the public school system and its quirks and demands (fundraising! just to name one) and what I perceived a lack of progress in some areas that confirmed our decision to try homeschooling.

 

Yes. It was worth it.

Edited July 8, 2016 by Liz CA

[eternalsummer]

liz, did you go to school or did your grandmother homeschool you?

[LucyStoner]

My older son has been able to divert the time saved on breezing through the basics to deeply dive into special academic interests. That's several or more extra hours every weekday he has open for his own interests. That's definitely something I do not regret. Also, homeschooling allowed us to get him ASD related services that were more productive and effective to him than what the school's here offer in SpEd. Not going to school also alleviated his anxiety. I don't think that he'd be where he is today socially or maturity wise if he hadn't had the custom, intense supports that being homeschooled made possible.

 

I definitely think there are many things we have done which are "worth it" even in the face of various opportunity costs.

[TravelingChris]

Absolutely it was worth it.  All of my children are close to each other and to us, the parents.  They all got a good education and were able to concentrate on their passions.

[Guest]

 

I just see these choices as a hopeful means to accomplish current and future goals. All I'm doing is trying to make the best choices I know how to make with what's in front of me (my real life experience shows me that I can't have things how I want them without some form of huge compromise... maybe I'm just stupid and poor, maybe it's just me, but I don't have an ideal situation available to me). But who knows. Maybe I should stick my kids in daycare and the local awful pubic school and work full time so my kids can show pics of their childhood home and not be embarrassed. 

 

I lived in much worse homes than what you've described (or no home at all) growing up, and I have never, ever, ever been embarrassed about it.

 

And fwiw, my mother DID work more than full time. You can never tell how the cookie will crumble.

 

This is what I know. I know that there are MANY women/people who do not do their square best for their kids.

 

But I know I do. [and so do you, OP]

 

So there's no "is it worth it?" The alternative to "it" is doing worse. Because I think this is for the best right now.

Edited July 8, 2016 by OKBud

[Lecka]

I agree with that.

 

What I have found as an adult, is that in retrospect, some adults' decisions are more clearly seen as acting in the best interests of the kids.

 

Then other adults are not.

 

I also think sometimes the things reflected in pictures are representative of one of these things. Maybe things really, truly should have been better. Maybe things were really the best possible. One of these two situations could be reflected by the same picture, but the person who grew up knows which was the case.

 

We are having a bit of a hard situation right now, bc my husband is in the same job his dad was.

 

Now my oldest son is 11, and we know we are moving next year.

 

When my husband was about this age, my ILs sent him to live with his grandparents for 6 months, cutting through 2 semesters in school. It was not a good time for him.

 

Now we are in the same kind of situation, and it just is not something that makes sense to do.

 

I don't respect or associate with the people who do this for reasons based on *choices* they make about their priorities in life.

 

When it is a tough situation and they are doing their best, it just is not the same at all.

 

As an adult, I know what kind of situation my ILs had at the time, and I think their actions were profoundly selfish.

 

They put themselves and their convenience ahead of their 2 older children.

 

But if the same situation were about them doing the best they could as parents, in a difficult situation, then there would be nothing selfish about it.

 

There is a baby brother, too, who is in his early 20s now.

 

Well, my ILs led my husband to believe there were a lot of tough sacrifices they made bc he and his sister were born close in age while his parents were young. But then we have watched them do just stupid and self-serving things with his baby brother, while they had just one child and a good financial position. (But it is just so sadly obvious now that we have the same lifestyle and know people his parents' age socially, that some of their choices were never about not making enough money, his mom just liked to get mad at his dad and say he didn't make enough money in my husband's hearing when he was a child.).

 

Then there are the adults in our lives when we were kids, who provide a stark contrast.

 

Separately, I spent 2 summers in South Carolina with no AC. We did have another car with working AC for trips. I watched my driving during the heat of the day, and packed my kids each with a water bottle filled with ice in their laps.

 

It does not register as anything in their memories at all. It was just normal to them and not something they noticed. They don't remember it now.

 

Ours was going to cost $800 and we kept thinking we were going to replace the car, but then when the weather cooled off, I would like the car so much more and not want to get did of it. And, not want to spend the money we could use for other things.

 

But for us it did work out and it is really no big deal to my kids.

 

My oldest was 6 when that car had some more problems and then we got a used minivan.

[madteaparty]

There's no question in my mind selective privates would have done at least as good a job, probably better.

I refuse to live in regret and I further refuse to be the mom that mopes about and complains. When I get sad i go and count all the audiobooks we've listened to and look at our travel photos.

[Liz CA]

liz, did you go to school or did your grandmother homeschool you?

 

I went to public school and lived with my grandmother during the week. She was retired at the time and not working outside the home.

 

[Susan in TX]

I don't choose to homeschool my kids for the sake of some future goal that may or may not happen. I do it to give them a childhood. I don't want my 5 year old son stuck behind a desk for seven hours a day. I don't want my 8 year old daughter to feel "dumb" because she isn't reading on grade level. I don't want them stressing out over standardised tests. I want their education to be joyful. I want them to have hours a day to play and just be children. This is why I homeschool. And yes it is worth it.

 

Susan in TX

[IfIOnly]

Following and appreciating this thread.

[theelfqueen]

I am coming from a different perspective-- my kids have been in public school.Oldest was in private for K-1 and then in public from 2-12 and he did very well there....

 

Halfway through the first quarter of 9th grade - Muppet Boy found himself in a MESS in public school. It became shockingly clear that this was NOT working for him, and was NOT going to work for our family any more.There were so many issues going on and our relationship was a MESS. I was at a place where I was counting down in desperation - Could I survive 4 more years??

 

We pulled him out. We've been homeschooling since October.

 

My thoughts and goals for homeschooling him are not about getting into college or landing scholarships -- sure I'd like those things to happen but repairing our relationship, finding our kid -- that was the stuff we needed.Guiding him back to a path that seemed positive. I was terrified that it was all going to blow up and I suppose that it still could... but in the last year, I've found my son. I've seen him grow and learn emotionally and academically. I've seen a kid who was sure he hated all 'school stuff'' -- write poetry of his own accord(on his own time without discussing it with me), fall in love with a modern poet, discover Shakespeare, sing in a musical theater class, devour economics texts on his own, check out and read books about hydroponics and grow plants in his own hydroponic system... I've watched him step up and become a beloved and reliable volunteer with the Children's Ministry at our church.  I've hiked beside him every Thursday afternoon.

 

It's not all easy, it's not all working but... I've never been so glad I made any decision in my life.

 

And now Sherlock is going to be home, too and I'm trying to see how we can have MORE of that. How they can remember all their life this part of their childhood/teen years where they found themselves and explored things they loved and were guided and recognized for themselves and their interests, and we were beside them not watching from the stands.

 

[eternalsummer]

I went to public school and lived with my grandmother during the week. She was retired at the time and not working outside the home.

 

 

That makes sense; I agree that it is good to have a parent at home.

 

I don't see how it's related to homeschooling, though.

[Liza Q]

I believe that homeschooling was the best choice we could have made for our family. Of course there are cons, but the pros far outweigh them.

 

My relationship with my older two girls (25 and 23) is strong. We read together (right now it's Trollope and Poldark) and joke together and they just like me. Much of that is becasue of the huge amount of time we have spent together. They felt prepared and confident when they got to college and they thank me periodically for doing a good job homeschooling them. Neither of them are planning to homeschool but they view it as a solid option. My girls are also grateful because they got to spend as much time with their brother as possible before he died.

 

My next daughter (17) has many issues and homeschooling has not been academically successful...but I honestly think that she would have dropped out of high school. She appreciates the freedom and space and support she has had.

 

My 16yo son is not thrilled about his current work load but he is content homeschooling. He appreciates the freedom and trusts me as he knows that I know what I am doing lol!

 

Financially...my husband worked long hours and saved aggressively and we have been able to stay out of debt, go to Disney World, put in a new kitchen. Sure, we live in an apartment in a just-middle-class neighborhood but if I had worked, the $$ would have likely have gone to private school. We both think that my time was better spent at home than trying to work enough to pay for schools or a better neighborhood.

 

I don't think that we have a superior family than my friends and relatives who haven't homeschooled. I do know that I have had the privilege to really get to know my children in a way that I doubt they (my friends/family) even know is possible.

 

Maybe if I had given up a high-paying career or had to really live in a bad place I would have had some regrets, but the crazy memories of giving spelling tests while cooking or reviewing grammar while lying on the couch sick as anything from another pregnancy or reading aloud Detectives in Togas while nursing the baby are so amazing! It's been worth it.

[Tita Gidge]

Kind of a spinoff. 

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made? 

 

I have some kids that have always been public-schooled and some kids that have always been homeschooled. Their lives are pretty much the same, so I don't know that homeschooling has been any great influence or difference in the lives of my homeschoolers. I also worked up until a few years ago, so I'm not sure that "full time parenting" has had any real effect, either, in that I've not really done much of it.

 

But those aside LOL, ...

 

I see each of my children thriving - not just surviving - in each of the school settings I've placed them in. For our family there hasn't been a single academic answer (be it homeschool or public school). I suppose it's been worth it in the sense that I met each child where (s)he was rather than to try and fit them into some one-size-fits-all idea of what "school" should look like for us. For this I'm glad about the choices I've made.

[Rosie_0801]

Kind of a spinoff. 

 

Knowing that very few go riding off into the sunset happily ever after with every last goal and dream in life fulfilled to the max, is there ANYthing... one or two things maybe, about the homeschool life, the sacrifices of parenting full time etc that you've seen that make you glad you've made the choices you've made? 

 

Abso-bloody-lutely.

 

If I hadn't chosen this path, I'd have no memories of Marek.

[katilac]

That makes sense; I agree that it is good to have a parent at home.

 

I don't see how it's related to homeschooling, though.

 

She had the extreme of not having much time with a parent, as her grandmother watched her since babyhood and then she lived with her during the school week. Thus, spending a lot of time with her children was an attractive feature about homeschooling. 

[LLMom]

I think there have been good and bad things.  I don't regret giving my children the time to be kids, read extensively, romp around the woods, etc., but none of my adult children (3 of them) will homeschool because they don't think the good outweighs the bad.  However, only one has a child so that may change things.  I guess time will tell from their perspective.  Overall, I think it was/is worth it. 

[-M-]

Abso-bloody-lutely.

 

If I hadn't chosen this path, I'd have no memories of Marek.

 

I'm not a hugger, but this is me giving you a virtual embrace. You're in my thoughts.

[Mabelen]

She had the extreme of not having much time with a parent, as her grandmother watched her since babyhood and then she lived with her during the school week. Thus, spending a lot of time with her children was an attractive feature about homeschooling.

I understand it is an attractive feature of homeschooling but her grandmother spent a lot of time with her by virtue of simply being at home full time. Ananemone is simply pointing out that there is no direct connection to homeschooling. I feel I spend a lot of time with my girls who have/are not homeschooled even though I work part time because I work during their school hours only pretty much.

 

I am following the midlife discussions with interest because I am there myself. Everyone has their own was it worth it questions. For me it is were our overseas moves worth it? Were they worth it? In some respects they absolutely were, we came out ahead, in others not so much. Sometimes there are a lot of shades of grey

[Ali in OR]

I understand it is an attractive feature of homeschooling but her grandmother spent a lot of time with her by virtue of simply being at home full time. Ananemone is simply pointing out that there is no direct connection to homeschooling. I feel I spend a lot of time with my girls who have/are not homeschooled even though I work part time because I work during their school hours only pretty much.

 

I am following the midlife discussions with interest because I am there myself. Everyone has their own was it worth it questions. For me it is were our overseas moves worth it? Were they worth it? In some respects they absolutely were, we came out ahead, in others not so much. Sometimes there are a lot of shades of grey

 

If you home school your kids, you have at least 7 more hours of awake time with them per school day than if you send them off to school. We live this, as I've always sent my disabled dd to school and I now send my other high schooler to school. As I posted way above some where, I am most thankful for our decision to home school in that I got 7 hrs x170 days x 9 years more time to spend with my high schooler than I would have if I had put her in a brick and mortar school starting in kindergarten.

[Guest]

The other thing to realize - and the reason I haven't weighed in on this thread, having stated the Midlife thread - is that none of us can know what would have happened if we had taken the Other Path. Plus, by the time you've been going this route for twenty years, there have been a thousand forks in the road. What if we had moved to another state? Wheat if we had sold everything and traveled in an RV? What if we had not joined this co-op? What if we had put the kids in for middle school, instead of high school? What if I had not gone back to college for those five years? And on and on and on. We simply don't know.

 

Additionally there's that bias - is it post-hoc justification? I think. Where, after you chose Path B, you find justifications for having chosen that path. Nobody wants to look back on history and see a long trail of regrets, so we tell ourselves, "It's much better I chose to homeschool/live here/marry Bob/quit the law firm. Because otherwise, X,Y, Z bad stuff would have happened." Post-hoc justification needs no proof, and it couldn't be proven anyway; it's just the stuff our clever minds offer up to help us feel satisfied with the choices we made, come what may. (so etimes you get to midlife, though, and tell your clever mind to stuff it because it's probably been selling you a crock for ages.;))

[Mabelen]

If you home school your kids, you have at least 7 more hours of awake time with them per school day than if you send them off to school. We live this, as I've always sent my disabled dd to school and I now send my other high schooler to school. As I posted way above some where, I am most thankful for our decision to home school in that I got 7 hrs x170 days x 9 years more time to spend with my high schooler than I would have if I had put her in a brick and mortar school starting in kindergarten.

Of course a homeschooling mom is going to spend more time with their kids than not. I should have qualified my statement. There was no direct connection with homeschooling in how well Liz CA bonded with her grandmother. She was not homeschooled but raised by her grandmother who was home when Liz would come from school.

Edited July 10, 2016 by Mabelen

[eternalsummer]

Furthermore, that connection (having someone home when Liz was home from school) was enough for what Liz perceived as a close, secure relationship.

 

I just don't see any reason to suggest that one must homeschool to have the most closest, bestest relationship with ones kids.  Lots of people here can't or won't or don't homeschool and have secure, loving, close relationships with their children.  Lots of people here have husbands who work outside the home and are close to them too!

[-M-]

Haven't read whole thread but gotta say I wonder about this when I really stop to think about outcomes.

 

My MIL homeschooled 9 kids. 2 have advanced degrees, 2 have bachelors and the rest have no degree or associates of some sort. All started in community college and no one went to any of the "better" schools in spite of one NMS and at least 1 other kid with "good" test scores (which could really be a range, doubt it's a 33 or 34). A lot of this is family culture of value of education and how they spend money.

 

But, I do wonder why am I busting my tuckus doing this if "all" they're going to do is go to a local community college or small school around here. I can't say I love homeschooling. I think MIL did and was religiously sold on the SAHM, homeschooling thing. Yes, will they get a better elementary and high school education at home than elsewhere in my city, yes they will. Does that really matter in the grand scheme of their lives? Idk. Maybe I'm just not as sold as I should be on the value of education and maybe I'm just too tired with a baby up 2x a night to be rational about it.

 

 

Your remark about outcomes has been on my mind since I first responded to this thread. I'm not sure if you're still "not as sold as I should be on the value of education," but I wanted to -- gingerly -- suggest that home education centered of the goal of attending "any of the 'better' schools" might result in a rather hollow experience for all concerned. You wrote that your children will "get a better elementary and high school education at home than elsewhere in my city," and for our family, that has been a worthwhile goal that already has mattered a great deal in "the grand scheme" of our lives.

 

We set out with some general ideas: Help them become good humans who are both emotionally and socially intelligent. Decorate the rooms of their imagination. Give them the music, nature, art, and beauty that has been stripped from the curriculum in many school districts. Teach them how to learn. Encourage them to pursue mastery. Ensure that they know how to work -- and how to work hard.

 

The rest will follow.

 

We hope(d). *smile*

 

"All started in community college...." I could write volumes on the subject of community college and the value of both 2+2 programs and of terminal degree programs. Many of us on these boards are fortunate to live near community colleges with quality programs and clear transfer agreements, so starting there often makes sense, even for terrific students. All three of my children earned, as you say, "'good' test scores." In fact, one of them earned particularly noteworthy scores. But just as great scores don't always translate into enrollment at certain schools for traditionally schooled students (see the high school board / college thread about great students going to mediocre schools), great scores do not necessarily translate into enrollment at certain schools for home-educated students. There are so many, many reasons for this, not the least of which is the value of the merit scholarships. All three of our students attended the community college and graduated with high honors. Our son enlisted after finishing his associate degree. Our daughters are headed to one of those universities that their same-age peers and their parents list as a "top choice." Our youngest is 18. Her peers from swim team and work graduated from high school this May. When they begin their freshman year this fall, she will begin her junior year. That's a pretty snazzy outcome, no? (*wry grin*)

 

Back when the first box of Saxon math materials arrived on my doorstep in May 1997, though, I wasn't thinking about which college they would attend, nor how early, nor with how many honors and scholarships. When I thought about outcomes, I thought about good people who could take care of themselves and with whom it would be a pleasure to talk.

 

Mission accomplished.

 

All of the rest? Icing on the cake.

 

Postscript: If you don't like homeschooling and your students' needs can be met by your school district, do not feel obligated to pursue this simply because your mother-in-law did. I just read a funny personal essay by a woman who was socially shunned for her decision to have an epidural during childbirth. At some point, she began to question her decision, and her husband asked what she was trying to win or prove by enduring the pain. Have the epidural, she concludes.

 

Use the local schools if you don't feel called to do this. I am not a homeschooling evangelist. At. All. In fact, I think many people are ill-suited for the pursuit, and we do them a disservice by insisting homeschooling is best for everyone. It's not. It's one choice of several. It may be best for that family. And that one. And this one. But it may not be best for this other one or his or yours. And that's okay. That's really, really okay. We should each choose what works for us and ours.

 

Wishing you a good night's rest (which can be so hard-won with babies in the house).

Edited July 11, 2016 by M--

[-M-]

The other thing to realize - and the reason I haven't weighed in on this thread, having stated the Midlife thread - is that none of us can know what would have happened if we had taken the Other Path. Plus, by the time you've been going this route for twenty years, there have been a thousand forks in the road. What if we had moved to another state? Wheat if we had sold everything and traveled in an RV? What if we had not joined this co-op? What if we had put the kids in for middle school, instead of high school? What if I had not gone back to college for those five years? And on and on and on. We simply don't know.

 

Additionally there's that bias - is it post-hoc justification? I think. Where, after you chose Path B, you find justifications for having chosen that path. Nobody wants to look back on history and see a long trail of regrets, so we tell ourselves, "It's much better I chose to homeschool/live here/marry Bob/quit the law firm. Because otherwise, X,Y, Z bad stuff would have happened." Post-hoc justification needs no proof, and it couldn't be proven anyway; it's just the stuff our clever minds offer up to help us feel satisfied with the choices we made, come what may. (so etimes you get to midlife, though, and tell your clever mind to stuff it because it's probably been selling you a crock for ages. ;))

 

Now I'm off to read the midlife thread. *smile*

 

You're right: None of us can know what would have happened had we chosen differently. For my part, I was addressing the OP's question, "Was / is any of it worth it?" I think that even without knowing what, precisely, would have happened if we had not withdrawn our son from school and founded the family-centered learning project, we can know this much: Whatever home education cost us -- in terms of time, talent, and treasure -- it was worth it to us.

 

And maybe I'm an odder duck than I had first imagined because I have always been aware that by opening this door, I have closed that window; that by moving here, I've waved goodbye to any chance of going there, there, or there; that by taking this chance, I have likely missed out on dozens of others. And it just. doesn't. matter. to me. For someone who often lingers in the opulently appointed rooms of her imagination, I don't have much tolerance for the sort of navel-gazing that self-doubt engenders, so I don't press the "Worry / Hindsight" key overmuch. I'd rather read another book or visit a museum or practice the flute or fly some arrows at the range than wonder if we would have been better off had we done that or gone there. After all, what the heck could I do about it now, anyway?

 

Had I chosen differently.... Yeah, I'm just not designed to play that game well. I chose this, and while there are some decisions that were "less good" than others I've made (e.g., trading my Thunderbird for a Windstar was stupid), the decision to home educate my children was, to use the OP's phrase, "worth it."

Edited July 11, 2016 by M--

[eternalsummer]

I think the problem with saying or implying that only by homeschooling have your kids had amazing educations or only by homeschooling have you had a close relationship with them is that what the OP is asking is in many ways from a place of actually wanting to compare outcomes. 

 

OP, your kids can have good educations without being homeschooled.  You can  be close to them without homeschooling them.  

 

I got a good education - much better than my parents could have provided - at a public school.  I am close to my parents, and I think my life was better for having gone to school instead of staying home.

 

For other kids, the outcome might have been different.  Only you can decide what is best for your situation and your family.

 

Sometimes homeschooling is worth the sacrifice of money or time or sanity.  Sometimes it is not.

 

Self-doubt has a hugely important place in the human psyche.  How else do we evaluate whether our path is the correct one?  I have realized on many occasions in life that my current/past path was incorrect and made a change for the better.  It would not have been wiser to just ignore any feelings or thoughts about whether something was correct in hindsight and gone boating instead, or something.

[pinkmint]

Thank you so much M--

 

That's all I'm asking. To hear some stories, some reflections that the choice was worth it. 

 

I think the conversation of "homeschooling probably makes no difference" is valid, I suppose, if you want to talk about that. I consider it off topic though. I KNOW that homeschooling is not some magic wand to good parent-child relationship. Like I said in another post homeschooling is a means to an end. Some people can accomplish the same ends with other means. But this board kinda has something to do with homeschooling. 

 

I am asking for some sort of encouragement. Maybe others need some too. 

[-M-]

Thank you so much M--

 

That's all I'm asking. To hear some stories, some reflections that the choice was worth it. 

 

I think the conversation of "homeschooling probably makes no difference" is valid, I suppose, if you want to talk about that. I consider it off topic though. I KNOW that homeschooling is not some magic wand to good parent-child relationship. Like I said in another post homeschooling is a means to an end. Some people can accomplish the same ends with other means. But this board kinda has something to do with homeschooling. 

 

I am asking for some sort of encouragement. Maybe others need some too. 

 

You're welcome. Long, long ago, back when posters stayed up late to watch the board "flip" (*smile*), I enjoyed posting encouragement (and the occasional kick-in-the-pants post). I'm old and rusty now, but I am glad to know something I've contributed had value to you.

[brehon]

You're welcome. Long, long ago, back when posters stayed up late to watch the board "flip" (*smile*), I enjoyed posting encouragement (and the occasional kick-in-the-pants post). I'm old and rusty now, but I am glad to know something I've contributed had value to you.

And I'm one of the older ones who drew much encouragement from your earlier posts and even printed off several of them. (My eldest is a couple years younger than your youngest.) Not too long ago I was, in fact, rereading many of the old posts I'd printed and enjoying the trip down memory lane.

 

OP, my family has been engaged in our version of the FCLP (thanks M-- <wry grin>) for ten years and my youngest is just three; so, we have another, oh, 15 or so years to go. We've made some pretty big sacrifices along the way and we've also made some bone-headed decisions. All in all, we do not regret this decision to educate our kids at home.

 

I've read many of your recent posts and understand that you're in a most difficult place right now. I think all we can do is make the best decisions we can with the information we currently have available. As more or different information becomes available, we may need to radically adjust our course or perhaps a simple tack with the wind may be all that's needed. I think the key is to remain open to all the possibilities, even those that at first glance may seem outlandish or even impossible.