What's the longest you've gone without seeing you college-aged child?

[Hoggirl]

I guess I'm kinda feeling sorry for myself. We haven't seen ds in six months and have one more month to go before he is home for about six weeks. I think my pity party is exacerbated by the fact that he has several high school friends who are local and attending our state flagship. Their parents complain about not seeing them often enough, but, honestly, there is NO comparison. They might go a couple of weeks. He recently had his birthday, and that didn't help either. I did manage to get a cake delivered to him! :) I guess the lack of frequency is a downside to attending a school far away. My dh, who is in his fifties, has never gone that long without seeing his parents, even when we were living overseas.

Edited July 2, 2016 by Hoggirl

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Kassia]

Aw, big hugs to you.  That is hard.  Especially for his birthday.

 

My kids are only three hours away so we see them pretty frequently.  I think the longest we've ever gone without seeing one of them was two months.

 

[Pawz4me]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

When DS is at school he's only 75 minutes away, and he's always had his car with him. So it's easy for him to come home on the odd weekend to catch up on sleep (or for me to get his laundry caught up!) or for us to pop down and take him out to dinner.  His plane lands late tonight bringing him home from a study abroad program. He's been gone six weeks, and I guess that's the longest we've ever gone w/o seeing him.

[regentrude]

about 3 months.

 

I hear you. Hugs.

DD is not coming home this summer at all. We are using our frequent flyer miles and fly out for a week to see her later in August; she is spending the summer in the PNW.

 

But hey, you get to have him home for six weeks! That's exciting.

Edited July 2, 2016 by regentrude

[Hoggirl]

We've gone 6 months before, between being at USNA, then heading out on summer Navy cruise stuff. And once she graduated, we went one year once with a deployment.

See? I know I shouldn't complain. I can't I imagine how hard it is for families of service members.

 

I think there has just been something about going past the six months mark.

[Hoggirl]

about 3 months.

 

I hear you. Hugs.

DD is not coming home this summer at all. We are using our frequent flyer miles and fly out for a week to see her later in August; she is spending the summer in the PNW.

 

But hey, you get to have him home for six weeks! That's exciting.

How fun! We are watching the Olympic trials and were just discussing how we have never been to th PNW.

 

And, you are right: I need to focus on the positive.

[hornblower]

About 16 hours  :lol: 

I'm so not in the same league as you guys. 

 

[Guest]

We go entire semesters without seeing ours. Home in the summer, home at Christmas, and that's it. But that's not to compare to yours. I know when dh was deployed for that long, it was hard. I can only imagine if it were my child. OTOH, I go years without seeing my own parents, so I guess I'm not one to talk, eh?

[Lori D.]

Well, it *was* going to be 6 months with DS#2 in his 6-month commitment with AmeriCorps, but serendipitously we actually got to see him for a day, about 12 weeks into his "tour"! (See our adventures in update #3 of this thread: "Woo-hoo! We're trying out Ameri-Corps!")

 

It may end up being 6 months -- or longer -- if he decides to re-up right away in September with a second commitment of 3-months or 6-months...

 

With DS#1 at a college just a little over 2 hours away, I think the longest we went was about 8-10 weeks...

 

:grouphug:  Hang in there Cynthia!

Edited July 2, 2016 by Lori D.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

We've gone 6 months before, between being at USNA, then heading out on summer Navy cruise stuff. And once she graduated, we went one year once with a deployment. We'll probably not see the doctoral student for 6 months now that her dh lives in the same state. He'd been here whilst she was in IN, so she came home a lot more. We only got to see the AF guy last week because I went to pick him up at DIA and take him to Golden. It was an hour ride across Denver, but at least we could visit. Hadn't seen him since March before that. He only lives 4 hours away, but his car is pretty unreliable. 

 

I didn't see my parents for two years when we were living overseas.  For many years we've seen each other every 1-1.5 years

[Jen in NY]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

We went about 6 months this year... dd was studying in Spain.

 

When she left last August, we kind of left it that she would not be coming home for Christmas because of the cost, but I caved and bought the ticket because I just wanted to lay eyes on her in person. Merry Christmas to me! :)

 

She got home for the summer a little over a week ago. It was a relief, i tell ya.

 

Hang in there, mama.

 

 

Edited July 2, 2016 by Jen in NY

[JennW in SoCal]

5 or 6 months has been the max, but it has included having them gone over Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays, too.  Skype is a great thing, as is text messaging, but sometimes those young adult boys just won't respond to their mother!!

 

My youngest, who has now graduated, is heading overseas for his first job, and we won't be seeing him for about 9 months -- when I'm planning on hopping on a plane to go visit!

 

We thought for sure the oldest would stay on the other side of the country once he graduated, but he has a great job about 90 minutes away, so we seem him every few weeks.

[regentrude]

I didn't see my parents for two years when we were living overseas.  For many years we've seen each other every 1-1.5 years

 

I see my parents once a year, in most years. We make traveling home a priority, especially since they are elderly. Some years we skipped the time consuming and expensive trip, and always regretted it.

Now having DD in college and not seeing her form months, I understand how hard it must have been for my mom when we moved overseas.

[regentrude]

dp 

 

Edited July 2, 2016 by regentrude

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I see my parents once a year, in most years. We make traveling home a priority, especially since they are elderly. Some years we skipped the time consuming and expensive trip, and always regretted it.

Now having DD in college and not seeing her form months, I understand how hard it must have been for my mom when we moved overseas.

 

Yeah, now that I have an adult aged son who is heading away, I have a lot more sympathy for my mom's feelings from decades ago.

[Gwen in VA]

 You have my sympathy! 

 

Separation is hard.....While my kids were in college the longest we had to go (thankfully) was 4 months (during a junior year abroad).

 

In grad school 900 miles from home  dd would see us about every four or five months. I can hardly believe it, but she is in the process of accepting a job only 2.5 hours away from home. :party:

[elegantlion]

Two weeks is the longest so far, that was for his trip to Japan. I'm gearing up for longer as he plans to transfer after next year and wants to live abroad eventually. 

[Kassia]

We'll actually have EVERYONE home for 46 hours this month, for county fair! The whole gang hasn't been together since September and over a year before that. Since dd is rodeo queen and she's riding in honor of her LT sister, she's actually coming home! It's a HUGE hassle for her, as her dh will be deployed, but she's doing it! And bringing her uniform to boot! Oldest is skipping part of her trip to Colombia with her dh to make it work. We're very excited. 

 

Having everyone home is the best!  Enjoy!

[hopskipjump]

**sob** **sniffle**

 

We're looking at a 5-6-month stint in the spring semester. We'll see how the fall semester goes (about a 4-month gap). If it feels like an eternity, we'll plan a trip for at least mom & dad to fly to her and give IRL hugs and hop back on the plane so she can get back to her studies. :)

 

DH is taking it very hard right now that we are nearing the end of the "having everyone all together" phase of life. While we will surely have them all together for Christmas/summer right now - once kids #2 and #3 start college... the schedule juggling for everyone involved gets so complex.

 

We simultaneously hope dd will live overseas one day (what an opportunity! What a life-expanding journey!!) and that she will live next door to us forever and ever because overseas sounds farther and farther away the closer we get to her being old enough to actually DO something like that! :lol:

[Hoggirl]

We thought for sure the oldest would stay on the other side of the country once he graduated, but he has a great job about 90 minutes away, so we seem him every few weeks.

I do wonder about where ds might wind up after he graduates. I can't imagine ds coming back to our area. We don't intend to remain here when dh retires. Plan is a major downsize and retiring to an income tax-free state. If ds were to come back here, we might choose to also keep a small place here, though.

 

The visiting parents thing is interesting. I think it depends on what one's family's expectations are. My parents have been deceased since I was 24. When I was growing up, we saw my grandmother about once a year, but we weren't geographically close by. Dh has a large extended family and spent many Sunday afternoons going to visit his grandparents who lived an hour away and hanging out and playing with many cousins. We are three hours away from dh's parents. We see them less (thank goodness - Fil gets on my last raw nerve) now that ds is in college, but we still probably see them four or five times per year. And the expectation is that we will be with them on or around holidays. My family of origin didn't have that expectation, and I don't want to be like that when ds marries and has his own family. I think it kinda depends on how you grew up as to what your "normal" is for frequencies of visits.

[Hoggirl]

Something I told my now-married kids: We'll take you when you can get here. Please don't ever get into a disagreement that "We HAVE to go to mom's for Christmas" type thing. The door is always open and if you give me a few hours notice, there will be supper waiting.

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[Jane Elliot]

Something I told my now-married kids: We'll take you when you can get here. Please don't ever get into a disagreement that "We HAVE to go to mom's for Christmas" type thing. The door is always open and if you give me a few hours notice, there will be supper waiting.

 

I like this, Margaret. We say this, too. I feel like half the marital/family conflicts in the world would vanish if all parents would say this and repeat it often. 

 

We went almost a year when eldest dd was 18/19yo because she went to school overseas and had a very short Christmas break. She didn't meet her baby brother until he was almost a year old. For the first several years of his life he kept forgetting how she was related. :crying: We Skyped a lot during middle-of-the-night feedings (daytime for her on the other side of the world.) I was so thankful for Skype!

Edited July 3, 2016 by Jane Elliot

[Hoggirl]

I like this, Margaret. We say this, too. I feel like half the marital/family conflicts in the world would vanish if all parents would say this and repeat it often.

 

Preach!

[J-rap]

Probably 6 months.  For our dd who graduated a year and a half ago, we went 9 months without seeing her (this past year), while she was teaching abroad.

 

On a different note, it's been 2.5 years since our entire family has been together.  We've had many combinations and we've all seen each other during that time, but not all at once.  We don't anticipate that happening for another year or two.

 

 

[angela in ohio]

This summer will be the longest at ten weeks, and it's away from everyone. :(  She does have my brother-in-law near and she sees him weekly, and her friends from college are flying out to see her for a long weekend. 

 

She went longer without coming home this past year, even longer than ten weeks once, but I flew out to visit once and younger dd and I went to visit once, so that broke it up. Her first year she flew home every 4-5 weeks to visit (and sleep, haha.)

[creekland]

I honestly never counted and even now, I'm not sure my counting would be correct.  The answer while in college would be in the "months" range, esp when they didn't come home over summer at all.  The answer after oldest got married is 2 years (I think).

 

The past couple of years we've picked up on the idea of taking our vacations/trips close by to where they are rather than expecting them to come home.  Later this month we're (hubby, I, youngest son) going to whisk middle son and his gf off to Niagara Falls.  We're going on a weekend during peak season.  This is totally unlike how we travel (due to finances), but both hubby and I looked at the total cost and decided it was worth it.  We also took a 3 week road trip to FL this past winter/spring in order to see oldest (ending that 2 year time period) and then flew middle son down to join us at youngest son's school to spend Spring Break with them - walking beaches, going to the Dog Track, going to Busch Gardens... just having as close to a vacation (like the old days) as we could.  We didn't have all three together, but at least we saw them all for a few days on the same trip.

 

I suspect our traveling to them will be our new normal.  Our schedule (and finances) are more flexible than theirs.  It'll curtail going through my Bucket List of places I want to visit, but honestly?  I love being with my guys, so it's ok.

[FaithManor]

When dd was at U of MI, only two hours from here, and living with my aunt, we sometimes went a month or two at a time because she was also working per diem as a medic to earn money for school. That's the longest so far.

 

Ds who will be attending WMU will be dropped off he 30th of August, but I'm going to parent weekend on October 7th and 8th. After that, I won't see him until Thanksgiving. He'll be home for Christmas, but not again until Spring Break.

 

Since our kids are all likely to attend in state schools - the wild card is youngest but I still think that U of MI or WMU will cough up scholarships along with in state tuition which will make it cheaper than U of A at Huntsville for an OOS student, I doubt we'll ever have to go long periods which is nice.

 

It is harder for us now that dd is married and living out of state. We have a grandbaby and do not get to see him very often. But YAY FOR US we are headed to Albany on Wednesday and get to spend five days with them. Nathan better get ready because his marmee is about to come spoil him rotten!  :D

[JennW in SoCal]

Something else--we've often moved holidays around. There's nothing sacred about Thanksgiving--hey, if it's a ski-free day, move the celebration. We even moved Christmas this year because it worked for the family. We missed Christmas one year with Navy girl because of a deployment--ya' know what? Christmas works in the spring, too!

 

We've gotten real creative with the holidays, too, and I've found it can be a real bonus in unexpected ways. Grocery stores, for instance, are fully stocked and not filled with crazed shoppers. The holiday celebration is just as special on a Tuesday in a different week because we are gathering together as a family and sharing our unique traditions. 

 

Margaret -- I also love your open door, no-holiday pressure, philosophy with your married children. 

 

Now, how am I going to get in as much special time with my youngest before he leaves at the end of the month for his year or so abroad, when I also need to nag him about sorting and organizing his room before he goes? He hasn't yet unpacked and put away all the detritus from his 4 years away at college and will need me to ship clothes to him once he is settled in his new job. *sigh*  Motherhood is still a delicate dance!

[Laura in CA]

4–5 months. I know, Cynthia - it's hard! Hugs!

 

I went overseas in college, worked overseas, then switched (U.S.) coasts for grad school. Flying was not so cheap back then, so it was 1–1.5 yrs between visits. With no Skyping! Just expensive, poor-quality phone calls.*

 

Going still further back, my father left home at age 20 to come to the U.S. to study. He didn't see his parents until he returned home at age 29 (!), having acquired an American B.S., an American PhD, and an American wife and child (me). I can't imagine what his parents went through ...

 

Not to minimize at all your missing your son, especially when other kids are so close to their families. Everyone else's kids around here seem to be home or nearby for the summer, while both of ours are two (large) states away. :/ Well, we got a lovely visit to the PNW last weekend, taking the Amtrak Coast Starlight train up from SF to Seattle. An adventure, courtesy of our son's living far away :)

 

 

* The parents of my sophomore-year roommate lived in Africa. I remember her shouting into the phone, then waiting forever for their reply.

[Laura in CA]

dp

Edited July 5, 2016 by Laura in CA

[vonfirmath]

Something I told my now-married kids: We'll take you when you can get here. Please don't ever get into a disagreement that "We HAVE to go to mom's for Christmas" type thing. The door is always open and if you give me a few hours notice, there will be supper waiting.

 

My parents did this. And they said, when they come visit us, that they are coming to spend time with us in our lives. They don't mind if we have to work and are not always there. If we put them to work when they are there. Even if the kids continue to do their activities.

 

It's a joy to have them here and spend time with them.

 

We like spending time with the in-laws too. But. It's more of a stress because we have to put our lives on hold for them.

[vonfirmath]

Something else--we've often moved holidays around. There's nothing sacred about Thanksgiving--hey, if it's a ski-free day, move the celebration. We even moved Christmas this year because it worked for the family. We missed Christmas one year with Navy girl because of a deployment--ya' know what? Christmas works in the spring, too!

 

Not doing Santa makes it even easier to do Christmas.  I've never held it that far away from the Calendar day. But we've shifted it a couple of days to have relatives there rather than do it just by ourselves.

[Tokyomarie]

I never went more than a couple of months without seeing my oldest daughter until she got married and moved out of state one year after college graduation. My next child started college less than two hours from home, but transferred to a university 1300 miles away after her second year. I saw her about 4 months after she moved, but then didn't see her for another year. She's been in CO for 7 years now; I just saw her a few weeks ago and it had been a year since the previous visit.

 

My son attends a university 530 miles from home so we typically see him at semester breaks. Last summer he stayed up north. He's home this summer but is leaving at the end of August to do a full year study abroad program in Japan. I'm hoping to be able to go to Japan while he's there, but it may not be until the end of his program next spring.

[Sunshine State Sue]

We dropped ds off at the airport Dec 26th last year and just saw him July 2nd in CO.  It is a long time.  :grouphug:  Ds will be here for 2 weeks in August, then not again until Christmas.  We will visit him over Thanksgiving.

 

Maybe you could visit him more often.  He is in a beautiful part of the country.

Edited July 13, 2016 by Sue in St Pete

[Hoggirl]

We dropped ds off at the airport Dec 26th last year and just saw him July 2nd in CO. It is a long time. :grouphug: Ds will be here for 2 weeks in August, then not again until Christmas. We will visit him over Thanksgiving.

 

Maybe you could visit him more often. He is in a beautiful part of the country.

We did go out at Thanksgiving. It is, of course, far and expensive (both to get there and stay there). Ds will be abroad winter quarter next year, but I told dh if ds gets an internship somewhere over the summer such that he won't come home, I want to go out next spring for a visit.

[Mom22ns]

I think 2 weeks is the longest I've gone without seeing ds. Dd is going further away to college and I expect those times to lengthen, but I don't expect to hit 6 months - or even a semester. Long separations are hard and special days like birthdays make them harder.

 

:grouphug:

[*LC]

My oldest studied abroad starting in January. I thought it would be close to 5 months from leaving until returning. We lucked out when she was invited to a conference in San Francisco and ended up with a 20-hour layover at an airport near our house. We picked her up and went to lunch. Then she dropped us off at the airport for our spring break trip, and she drove to her college for a quick overnight visit. The next day she drove back to the airport for her flight; she parked the car for us to pick up after our trip. It was good to see her and here about her adventures.

Six months would be a long time. (I am jealous of the six weeks at home though. I know she has not been home that long all 3 summers combined.) I agree with the suggestion to go see him. My daughter has interned in CA the last two summers, and I have visited for a weekend both times. Since she doesn't have access to a car there, she appreciated the chance to see places that she wouldn't have the chance to see otherwise.

[Kareni]

While in college, my daughter spent close to six months in New Zealand for a study abroad semester.  Her college was across the country from us, so we routinely went months without a visit.

 

Since she graduated from college, my daughter has spent most of her time in South Korea.  She began her third stint at the end of March.  She was away for about fifteen months without a visit prior to her most recent return home.  I'm very grateful for Skype! 

 

Regards,

Kareni