If your kids are/ were homeschooled and you don't use childcare thus they are almost never not in your presence

[KungFuPanda]

Because of circumstances and choices, my kids do not go to a brick and mortar school, are almost never babysat and are pretty much never in a childcare setting. On top of that we do not have extended family that can be relied on to lighten the load in any way.

 

So if you now or in the past (with all young children) choose to homeschool and on top of that rarely or never use childcare, and find that you are only ever actually away from them for brief periods like errands while DH watches them or being in a different room from them... basically how do you/ did you keep yourself not crazy with the fact that your kids are in your presence almost always?

I didn't escape baby jail until my youngest was 4. Then I started taking evening dance classes. When he was six I started going to class twice a week. Eventually I went away on some homeschool mom weekend getaways and dance conventions. My kids did about a week of day camp each summer.

 

They're teens now and the tables have turned. I basically hunt them down in their rooms and beg for attention. They think I'm weird. They're so over me. DS is going to a weeklong camp next week. Dd is leaving for college in August.

[pinkmint]

Since starting this thread I actually did go rest while letting them watch a show.

 

I came out to wailing, screaming, whining etc. Also the 5 year old let the 2 year old have some chocolate almonds that he sucked the chocolate off of and then spit out the almonds/chocolate slobber on the light-colored couch. I feel like my life is out of control in moments like this. Like I would do anything for them to be someone else's problem for a while. For them to be able to destroy someone else's stuff all day and grind goldfish crackers into someone else's ugly carpet.

 

Is this normal?

Edited June 9, 2016 by pinkmint

[barnwife]

Since starting this thread I actually did go rest while letting them watch a show.

 

I came out to wailing, screaming, whining etc. Also the 5 year old let the 2 year old have some chocolate almonds that he sucked the chocolate off of and then spit out the almonds/chocolate slobber on the light-colored couch. I feel like my life is out of control in moments like this. Like I would do anything for them to be someone else's problem for a while. For them to be able to destroy someone else's stuff all day and grind goldfish crackers into someone else's ugly carpet.

 

Is this normal?

Well, it's my/our normal.

 

Let's see...lately, the kids have colored on themselves with Sharpies (which are kept on the highest shelf in a cupboard for grownups only. Oh, and the wall. Thankfully, since they knew they shouldn't be doing it, it's not in a very noticeable place. And really, they confined it to their toes. They have probably done other things that I am currently blocking out...

 

And they regularly get themselves food (some which they really aren't supposed to) during quiet time. But, really, it's a small price to pay for my sanity.

 

[SamanthaCarter]

I didn't have any options for appointments.  I once had to bring my very young kids to the orthopedist.  They had to watch my kids while I got an x-ray.  Whatta ya gonna do?  You just deal.

 

 I did this at the dentist once. And the GYN. Pretty sure those people hated me. 

[SamanthaCarter]

After two kids, swapping babysitting is pretty much a non-option. And the cheapest day camps around here are $150 per kid/week.

 

I think OPs best options are getting DH involved and perhaps adjusting expectations to a before lunch quiet time. in the short term, maybe VBS?

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[SparklyUnicorn]

 I did this at the dentist once. And the GYN. Pretty sure those people hated me. 

 

Who cares.  They charge enough.  :laugh:

[Ausmumof3]

Can you move lunch earlier so the 2-year-old can go down right after?

Yes! I remember now I used to do this. 11am lunch for everyone then straight to bed.

[LucyStoner]

For me:

 

1. Park day- time to chat with other parents and the tacit rule is no parents interfere with the kids unless there is blood of the clear risk of blood.

 

2. YMCA- mixed results but overall a net positive.

 

3. Letting the kids play outside alone.

 

4. Taking up hobbies I can do while my husband is around. So roller skating- practice or open skate times often start at or after bedtime so unless my husband is working late, I can go and the kids will barely miss me. Or hiking/walking/running before they wake up.

 

5. Shutting my door to them for 30-60 minutes or so in the afternoon for quiet time where the rule is you don't come near my door unless there is fire or blood or vomit.

 

Another thought is to find families you can trade sitting time with.

 

Eventually they get old enough you can leave them home alone.

Edited June 10, 2016 by LucyStoner

[frogger]

Since starting this thread I actually did go rest while letting them watch a show.

 

I came out to wailing, screaming, whining etc. Also the 5 year old let the 2 year old have some chocolate almonds that he sucked the chocolate off of and then spit out the almonds/chocolate slobber on the light-colored couch. I feel like my life is out of control in moments like this. Like I would do anything for them to be someone else's problem for a while. For them to be able to destroy someone else's stuff all day and grind goldfish crackers into someone else's ugly carpet.

 

Is this normal?

This reminds me of the day I gave birth. My husband had taken off time so he could take care of the house after my fourth. I think he took three days off. The problem was something went wrong at work and it was vital so he worked 24 hours straight including while I was in labor. Anyway, I walk out to the living room to get a drink and there is my husband dead asleep on the living room floor with the kids running circles around him throwing their snacks in the air, literally. Sometimes, the best thing to do is laugh. I mean your choice is laugh or cry even in much harder situations. I do think sometimes my laughter has taken on a touch of insanity. My husband says it makes me more interesting.

 

I do understand though. I like my quiet and I'm an introvert and I love my kids but I like my quiet.

 

My husband was doing night school after work when I had 4 infant to early elementary kids plus a couple toddler nephews I ended up babysitting at times. Send them outside if you can, let them watch a movie, an extra movie here and there isn't going to destroy their brain, accept things won't be perfect and when you are at your wits end laugh, give them a hug, send them outside whatever you need to do. Don't think you have to be the perfect supermom. That day when you can leave them all home with the oldest will come.

Edited June 10, 2016 by frogger

[brynndolyn]

I get up and run in the mornings before they are awake.

 

We have quiet time every afternoon, they are able to be in separate rooms and the little ones nap and the big ones read. And I do whatever I want, which is usually working but it's got to be done. Sometimes I sneak a nap in though!

 

Also when my 6 and 8 year olds get up in the morning (while I'm drinking coffee and having quiet time) here is what they are allowed to do: read a book, or work on their kid devotionals. No toys, no talking! They act like they are going to die but seriously, it's 20 or 30 minutes at the very very most.

 

I also started playing soccer again, my hubby fully supports me and watches the kids and puts them to bed while I do that (one night per week).

 

I joined the local beekeeping club. I don't actually keep bees (yet) but I love going and learning about them! Meetings are on the weekends (1 or 2 times per month) during nap time so that works out well.

 

I have been known to take the kids to childcare at the gym on particularly horrid days, just to get a break.

 

I hope you can find something that works for you!

 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[imagine.more]

Part of the problem is that my 2 year old can't stay awake until lunch time. Then by the time he wakes up from his nap I'm just starting to feel really burned out and desperate for a break. Making the older 2 do a quiet time with an awake 2 year old boy is pointless (not restful at all).

 

I don't know what to do. I wish I was strong or smart enough to enforce quiet time better. I often feel overpowered by the kids and all it takes to manage them especially in the early afternoon when my sanity is at a weak point.

I totally agree with everyone else's observations that 1) it's kinda normal to go crazy from the neverending parenting of littles and 2) you find little strategies that work and it's okay if it's not perfect.

 

But, on a practical note if it were me I'd either move lunch earlier to allow naptime to be like an hour later and after lunchtime. Sometimes a bit of food can keep a toddler awake longer. The miracles of blood sugar boosts :) Or, you could take your quiet time in the morning. I do this currently because I have thyroid issues, just moved, and a nursing 10 month old so I'm more tired than nighttime sleep can fix. So, I get up at 7am with the kids and set a few important tasks for myself. Then when the baby goes down for a 9-11am nap I lay down too and either read or browse the internet or more often nap a bit :) I let the kids watch one movie during this time so they leave me alone then I restrict screens until at least after dinner...because otherwise they might not be enthralled enough by the glowing tv to be quiet during the morning show/movie, haha!

[J-rap]

This is how it was for us too.  I used to tell people that the only time I had a break was when I was in the hospital having another baby! (We had five in seven years.)  But seriously, it was fine with me.  I don't know, I just loved being home with them and I never felt like I had to get away.  That's just me.  But I wasn't too hung up on doing everything perfectly and keeping up a nice house and cooking three meals/day either.  At some point every day I'd make some coffee and just sit down and mostly ignore everyone for awhile, even if it meant turning on Mr. Rogers or Reading Rainbow.  (loved both of those shows!)  Also, if I felt like doing something, I'd just drag them all along.  That meant we went on lots of picnics and took long walks in the snow and did lots of spur of the moment art projects.   Our house was always messy and my dinners left a lot to be desired, but it was all good.  My dh also was great and he didn't mind at all coming home and taking over at the end of the day so I could sit in the bath and read.  :)

 

[Seasider]

This was just our normal. I did make them have afternoon quiet time, and early bedtimes when young.

[BooksandBoys]

Can you move lunch earlier so the 2-year-old can go down right after?

This.

My babies/toddlers naps are sacred to me and quiet time MUST happen when they were sleeping. When a baby/toddler took an extra long nap, we did some school during nap, but once naps got shorter, nap was leave Mama alone time. For a long time, my second napped for exactly 45 minutes beginning at 11am. That was it all dat. You better believe the oldest was in quiet time for that 45 minutes (thankfully, his nap got longer again). We made this work by having "second breakfast" around 10:30am and a much later lunch.

[Frances]

Starting when my son was very young, every Saturday morning my husband took him to a local bagel shop for food and live music. This continued for many years, even through two moves. I also regularly did errands by myself in the evenings or on weekends while my husband stayed home and once or twice a month I would go out with friends.

 

When my son was a bit older, he and my husband always did a Spring Break trip together, usually either camping or skiing with fairly rustic accomodations to keep expenses low.

 

I do regret not keeping quiet time when my son gave up naps at a very young age. I think he would have enjoyed it as he loved listening to audio books and drawing or building. The upside of no naps was that he routinely slept about 12 hours at night, so I had several hours of downtime after he went to bed.

 

There was no way I could have survived without regular breaks. My son was very verbal, processed everything by talking about it, and was pretty intense, so regular breaks were absolutely necessary for my sanity.

[fraidycat]

It was really, really tough when they were younger. I don't know that I did anything to "save myself from crazy", I just ....survived. Not unscathed. I did battle (situational) depression for about 3 years. Partially due to the fact I'm an extrovert who needed more social interaction with actual grown ups who could converse. (There were also other contributing factors.)

 

Now, at 10 & 13, life is just easy. I tell them I'm leaving and then just go. For a walk, groceries, whatever. I have no advice, because time and kids getting older is the only thing I've found to help me.

 

I can offer :grouphug: though. And commiseration. Tiny humans (as my 13 year old calls them) are tough on moms.

Edited June 10, 2016 by fraidycat

[nd293]

It's so HARD!

 

Have you considered a 'mother's helper'? Dd has done this since she was 13. She arrives with a bag of toys and games from our home and entertains the kids while the moms catch up on whatever it is they need to catch up on. Obviously with younger kids and mom still in the house she isn't always able to completely distract the kids but she helps reduce sibling fighting and almonds-spat-out-on-light sofas! The kids and mothers have been very positive about the experience and she has enjoyed the experience too (even when it involved a 3 year old applying nail varnish and make up to her 😄).

[Zinnia]

This is our life, too.

 

Exercise helps.  I know!  That's the craziest thing, and as someone that is fat and doesn't like to sweat, I don't really like to hear it, to be honest.  :)  Last February, we joined the YMCA.  My kids were 2, 4, 6, and 8, and they could finally reliably be left without screaming (that second one screamed/cried/pitched a fit for a looooong time).  It has seriously been life changing.  I go about 3-4 times a week.  Sometimes I just do the elliptical and watch cable TV (a treat for me, too), and sometimes, I do zumba or other classes.  My kids go to childcare.  It is worth it to me for the hour of peace and quiet (cause even loud Zumba music is quiet in a different way than a thousand why questions every minute).  THere is someone there that plays board games with my older boys the entire hour, so they are getting something great out of it, too.  Win/win for everyone.  They actually ask to go.

 

Quiet times and bedtimes are big.  For us, in quiet time, everyone is separate.  We have 3 bedrooms, so someone in each room, plus one on the couch.  I'm either at the dining room table or on a couch.  I would do everything in your power to get your 2 year old to a nap schedule that goes together with quiet time.  Feed him a little while you make lunch, then lunch at 11 and nap time after?  

 

Appointments are the hardest thing for me, and I've neglected mine for many years.  This year, though, I'm determined to get them back.  Usually dh takes a long lunch, and that works.  Only because I've told him that the alternative is paying for a sitter.  And I mean it.  I can't neglect myself forever.

 

We have a medium sized Baptist church near us that does a lot of kid-centered activities as outreach.  I love those Baptists!  They do a quarterly Friday night date night.  Like a night of VBS, drop off style.  It's awesome.  :)  They also do low-cost daycamp in the summer.  We're doing 2 weeks of that this summer.  My kids are doing it this week.  $40 per kid for 8:30-4 daycamp.  It's glorious!  Last summer was our first summer finding this, though.  My older two are also going to a shorter, free VBS later in the summer.  Three weeks of VBS/church daycamp ought to get them all the Jesus they need.  ;)

[Zinnia]

To add more....

 

We couldn't afford babysitting for a long time.  Even the YMCA was out of our budget.  My oldest screamed when he was left anywhere until he was 2, then he stopped as baby #2 came along.  Who screamed and cried until he was 6 (bless him!).  It was a long season without a lot of options.

 

I was involved on a parenting message board that encouraged, like, no time away ever.  It was good for me at the time, because it helped me see the beauty in being around them all the time.  BUT...it wasn't forever, and for me, it would not have been good if it had been forever.  It was a limited season, and now that they are older, they and I are both better for some regular time apart.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

Since starting this thread I actually did go rest while letting them watch a show.

 

I came out to wailing, screaming, whining etc. Also the 5 year old let the 2 year old have some chocolate almonds that he sucked the chocolate off of and then spit out the almonds/chocolate slobber on the light-colored couch. I feel like my life is out of control in moments like this. Like I would do anything for them to be someone else's problem for a while. For them to be able to destroy someone else's stuff all day and grind goldfish crackers into someone else's ugly carpet.

 

Is this normal?

 

I once snuck off to take a shower and came out to five pounds of flour dumped onto the living room floor.

 

So, I'd say so....

[marbel]

<snip>

 

I don't know.. It wasn't that bad. Or I have blocked it out, lol! I was very keen on their dily naps and was ever so glad when putting them to bed at night became something less than a three-ring circus. Also, I have always been a big believer in getting up for the day before te kids. It was never a good thing if I had to hit the ground running. Coffee first, then circus.

 

This is how I feel.  I only have two, and they are close in age, so my intense little-kid time was relatively short. And, they could play well together.  I let them make messes.  Sometimes the entire living room floor would be covered in a city they'd built with Legos, wooden train, Playmobil, Lincoln Logs... it was a mess. But they could have hours of fun with that, while I read or just zoned out.   I couldn't bring myself to do the "one toy out at a time" thing because that was too much work for me. 

 

Anyway, after that intense time was over it didn't seem like that long of a time after all.

 

We didn't have babysitters much, but I did have a group of friends with kids the same ages and we'd get together a lot.  I have fond memories of a group of moms and kids in my house, moms sitting around the table drinking tea and eating scones, with one or the other of us continually jumping up to do something to or for a kid... it wasn't relaxing but it was fun and at least we were together.  For some reason we didn't really trade babysitting. 

 

My husband did expect to be the solo parent sometimes on evenings and weekends.  He was up for it but he had a demanding job and sometimes traveled so it didn't work out as often as I'd have liked. 

 

There were times I thought I would go crazy.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I know you don't believe it, but they won't be little forever! 

[marbel]

Re:  Food messes.   Sure, we had our share of those, until I got smarter and put the desirable foods where no one could access them.  Actually, I still do that with candy (I have one who has a hard time controlling the sweet tooth).  They knew the stuff was away where they couldn't get it so they didn't bother.   Also, I made a rule of no eating when an adult wasn't around.  I was worried about choking.  (I worried about everything.)  

 

And, TV.  My kids were little in the days of VHS and no streaming, so we didn't have loads of options.  But, sure, I used that TV.  It didn't make them grow into TV addicts. 

 

 

[vonfirmath]

Yes! I remember now I used to do this. 11am lunch for everyone then straight to bed.

 

And if it helps. This year at school, both my 4 year old and my 3rd grader ate lunch at 10:30a.  Their next food was snack at afterschool at 3pm.

[BarbecueMom]

Unfortunately normal. I left my kids with DH the other day so I could go to the dentist (that's my favorite break, I lay there with that heavy sensory friendly X-ray vest on and don't chase kids!), and came home to them SMEARING GRAPES (older ones on accident, toddler on purpose) on my master bedroom floor while DH was sitting in bed completely oblivious to what was happening past his feet. He had provided the grapes and had no idea they'd make a mess. Also, I had just vacuumed up an ant invasion before I left, and guess what, those little bugs love grape juice.

 

I am constantly telling them to eat only in the kitchen, followed immediately by, "Take this bowl and go somewhere else. Anywhere else."

 

Basically I survive by contradicting myself. And coffee.

[Lolly]

I think...that at some point...your nerves become so frazzled that they just stop working and you don't notice it as much. It just becomes the norm. At least that is what I told people when they asked how I remained so unfazed amidst the chaos.

 

Due to the ages of your dc, you have about another year of chaos. No, quiet time doesn't really work when they are the ages yours are (at least for me!) because you really need that little bit of toddler naptime to get school stuff done with the others.

 

My sanity came from summers. We spent every afternoon at the pool. 3-6 or 7 the kids played and I chatted with another homeschool mom who was doing the same thing and had kids the same ages as mine (plus lots of olders for her so I got sage advice during these lovely moments). My kids were fish and there was a baby pool for the toddler, so I just had to watch while they were happily playing.

 

During the school year, we just did it. I do admit to taking an occasional spur of the moment vacation for a couple of weeks at a time once every year of two. When things just got too stressful, I'd pack up and we would leave. Dh did not go. Still me and the kids, but relaxing and having a fun, change of pace that usually involved deep Florida beaches in Feb. or March. We also had season passes to a big amusement park near us. For a shorter break, we would just take a day off and head there if things were unusually stressful. Come to think of it, when mine were the ages yours are, we only did sit down school 4 days a week. One school day I set aside for a field trip. Then again, I had a two year old who absolutely refused to take a nap, so that didn't get in my way of doing things! (That boy didn't really sleep for more than 15 minute stretches from the point he was born.)

 

I also admit to not allowing mine in the house for stretches of time. They were sent outside to play (not the toddler of course) and told they were not allowed back in the house for X minutes. Once, that was two hours. While outside, they don't tend to tear things up quite so much...Not that mudholes weren't made in the backyard... I had them pee before they went outside.

 

Summed up advice: When things get too stressful, take time off for something fun and different.

Edited June 10, 2016 by Lolly

[pinkmint]

I try to remind/ convince myself that they won't be little forever. And I think it's good advice to savor these little kid days and have a sense of humor. The savoring/ enjoying it while it lasts part... it can be both good and hard to hear someone say how much they miss those days and how sad it is they're over. I mean would you really like to have a small child smearing food all over your house and wailing outside the bathroom door for the rest of your life? LOL. 

 

I understand about savoring and appreciating it and knowing how precious it is to parent small wide-eyed children in the brief (even though it sometimes doesn't seem brief) period of impressionable youthful wonder, which is a huge reason I forgo an arguably desperately-needed second income and stay at home with them when the vast majority of people wouldn't even consider it on our current household income. 

 

As for the sense of humor, maybe I need to regain some of that. I used to be funny. But depression and anxiety seems to make me too serious at times. Kids are truly delightfully ridiculous at times. Maybe I feel too serious too because I want to do a good job and I often feel like I'm not and it doesn't feel funny. It's also hard to laugh when some aspects of life are hard, heavy and feel hopeless. 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Since starting this thread I actually did go rest while letting them watch a show.

 

I came out to wailing, screaming, whining etc. Also the 5 year old let the 2 year old have some chocolate almonds that he sucked the chocolate off of and then spit out the almonds/chocolate slobber on the light-colored couch. I feel like my life is out of control in moments like this. Like I would do anything for them to be someone else's problem for a while. For them to be able to destroy someone else's stuff all day and grind goldfish crackers into someone else's ugly carpet.

 

Is this normal?

 

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

The baby-toddler tunnel is horrible!  We are out of the baby phase (full night of sleep for mom- yes!) but really, really hard in the terrible 2s.  Kid number 4 has the terrible 2s in a way that no one else had.  Yikes.  

 

Something that helps us is having a pretty early bedtime- 7:30.  The bigger kids can read for another hour (or sometimes they read with DH) but I am OFF DUTY starting at 7:30pm.  Since I'm sleeping at night now, this means I have 3 hours of kid-free time each day.  

 

Also, I have very few rules in the house, but the rules I have are very strictly enforced.  One of those rules is to eat at the table and we only eat at mealtimes and the set afternoon snack time.  I cannot think of any time I allowed exceptions to the at-the-table rule.  When my firstborn was a toddler, I let him eat and wander around and realized what a terrible idea that was.  :-)  On the other hand, as long as they aren't acting like monkeys, I have no rules about table manners or similar.  Just not on my priority list to be worried about.  

 

We always listen to an audiobook at lunch, and have a pretty strict "don't interrupt" rule while the book is on.  This gives me some peace.  Obviously the 2yo is still throwing food and screeching, but at least the three others are eating quietly and trying to listen.  

 

When my oldest was 6, I started letting him play alone outside at the playground in front of our building.  Now 2 out of 4 can play alone outside, and the third can play outside with an older sibling.  Huge lifesaver, but obviously you have to consider your own neighborhood, traffic, individual child before letting them loose.  :-)  

 

I think you need to find a way to be not only physically separated from the kids (nap time, bedtime, quiet time) but also mentally separated from mothering for a little while.  If you are using your down-time to frantically organize, cook, prep, fold, wash, clean up a disaster... you aren't really getting a break.  If you have a baby or two year old terror, you probably have no choice right now, but start brainstorming about how to do those things that must be done while the kids are awake and with you, in order to make your free time really free.

 

ETA:  My kids are almost always with me.  We have no local family.  DH thinks he's doing great to take the three "good ones" out and leave me with the 2yo.  LOL.  Of course in the 2yo phase, you don't see the benefits, but it really is about constant training of behavior until the kids are pleasant to be around.  If I could not count on the there oldest sitting and looking at books and magazines in the waiting room while I see a doctor (with the two year old with me)... then I would be really hard-pressed to continue homeschooling.  So I train, drill, train, drill, and finally threaten and bribe so that going out with them is a pleasant, low-ish stress experience.  

 

I know some kids are going to be crazy no matter what anyone does, but I think most kids can be trained to be more-or-less respectable members of society in public.  :-D  

Edited June 10, 2016 by Monica_in_Switzerland

[Alicia64]

I gave my kids a ton of exercise every day so they wouldn't bug me so much. Ha.

 

Parks, pools, Sky Zone type jump places. Wearing them out helped. We didn't do screens so I couldn'y plug them in that way.

 

Audio books really helped and if you start the young on audio books they're used to listening to them.

 

Hang in there,

 

Alley

[boscopup]

It really does get better when you get out of the baby/toddler stage. I know, because I got out of that stage for a few years, and I was able to grocery shop by myself and send the kids out to play without me. Now I'm back in the baby/toddler stage one more time. I'm mostly able to manage it better this time because the other kids are all older and fairly self sufficient. They can make their own breakfast and lunch, sometimes dinner too (I make my oldest fry up corn tortillas for tacos because it's a long and boring job that I really just don't want to do :lol:) They can also help keep the house clean.

 

If the boys are all inside all day, I do go a bit crazy. They are noisy. They're sometimes destructive (though again, that's improved as they've gotten older). Last year, I walked out of the shower to discover my dining room table was broken - one of the two support legs was cracked in half, and the table was leaning on its side. This is a nice dining room table and not very cheap (though I think it was probably made cheaply). One boy had pushed the other boy onto the table and that support cracked. I was livid. I had to send everyone to their rooms so I wouldn't kill them. :) Thankfully, my husband was able to fix the table. But seriously, I should be able to take a shower or use the bathroom without everything falling apart!

 

Now that I have a young toddler, I'm not grocery shopping alone anymore, but I usually just bring her and put her on my back, so it's not an issue. She takes one nap a day, and I try to make it around noon or later. If we go out in the morning, it's easier to push the nap back. Or sometimes we'll just go take a walk to postpone it. Food also helps.

 

My husband recognizes my need to be alone and takes the boys to lunch and run errands every Saturday. He also takes them on occasional overnight trips. Currently, I'm still left with the toddler, but in another year or two, she could start going with them also. They often take the truck to run errands, and until my oldest can sit in the front seat, my husband can't take all 4 kids in that vehicle. And while he doesn't always have to take the truck, I'm afraid to get the toddler in the habit of thinking she gets to go every Saturday when there will be some Saturdays that she couldn't go because they need to take the truck.

 

Otherwise, I utilize waking earlier than the kids to give me some me time... The boys aren't allowed to come downstairs until 7am. If they wake earlier (one of mine is up with the sun, despite having blackout curtains), they can read or play quietly in their room. I also let the toddler play in her crib until that time, as long as she's happy. She'll actually hang out there until 8ish most days, until she tosses her burp cloths (loveys) and toys out.

 

Bed time used to be 7pm for everyone when my kids were younger. Now the boys get to stay up until 8, but if they're in the house, I'll often send them to their rooms by 7:30. I let them stay outside later right now. They play with their friends across the street until dark. The toddler is in bed by 7.

 

I've certainly had my share of crazy days over the years. They're still crazy sometimes, but not as crazy now that the boys are ages 7-almost 12. Being able to leave them home is great!

 

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[ThursdayNext]

I do enjoy being with my kids and I agree, this way of life is very much not the norm and seems to come with the assumption that it's a problem that needs to be solved. But I've signed up for it and I think it's right for us.

 

Maybe it's my mindset and maybe I would feel crazy regardless of the kids presence. I'm pretty spacey and introverted though. I feel like I don't get enough mental down time. It feels like they need a mom who directs their time better and it stresses me out that I always live with the feeling they're not getting what they need and yet I have nothing left to give. If any of that makes sense.

Wow. This is exactly how I feel. You are not alone.

[Melinda S in TX]

We have always stayed together, whether learning, errand running, or just hanging out.  This has mostly continued, even though Steven has passed away.

 

I recently had an unsettling experience because of our family togetherness.  The children and I started a new church.  Right after we started, we attended a Wednesday night service.  I felt really odd, stressed and restless, but I couldn't figure out why.  I was in a panic, trying to figure out what was wrong.  Suddenly it occurred to me.  I was alone.  Totally alone.  The boys were in youth.  The girls were in children's church.  Steven wasn't there.  I was all alone for the first time in twenty-eight years.  Once I figured it out, I was ok, but it was very unsettling at first.

[Guest]

Oh I have them watch shows on the floor in whatever room I'm in with earphones while I rest or read. And I lock the door. I'm too afraid of knives or choking or just walking out the door and wandering off to be in separate rooms when I can't hear them.

[EMS83]

Mandatory 2 hour rest time every day.  Everyone is separated and must be quiet and stay in their space. I will also use things like time out for unpleasant behavior (arguing, etc.), or if they are keyed up, boot them outside for a set amount of time.  If they really, really feel like pushing limits and buttons, I make it clear that there are always chores to do if they can't find something better to do than choose aggravating behaviors.  I don't resort to screens unless I'm working on a project (building, painting, record keeping, reports, etc.).  When they were younger, I just did less.  We watched a lot of PBS.  Although I do have family in town that can watch them.  We tend to stick to set days, which amounts to a couple overnights each month and a couple of "days out" each month.  DH sometimes watches them when I shop, but most of the time I take them with me.