So, I officially quit substituting.

[Jenny in Florida]

I guess this is mostly a vent, although suggestions about how to figure out what I want to be when I grow up would be most welcome.

 

As I've mentioned in a few threads, I started substitute teaching in the local public schools at the beginning of this acedemic year. Since my own kids retired me by heading off to college, I've been piecing together an assortment of part-time, education-related jobs. I do some on-demand tutoring online, teach reading/study skills/exam prep at a strip mall tutoring center and, for the last semester, subbed. Just this month, I've started teaching some online writing classes for homeschoolers for one of the places I've seen mentioned around here.

 

I decided to try subbing for a variety of reasons. I wanted the classroom teaching experience, both to satisfy my own curiosity and because I wanted it on my resume. Also, I needed another income stream that was flexible enough to fit in around my other gigs, since my hours and schedule vary so widely. 

 

I've been subbing at least a couple of days a week since early September, and while I've had a few good days, it's been mostly miserable. I had a whole string of very unpleasant experiences right before the winter break, but was determined to make it through the full academic year. I figured I just needed to give myself a good pep talk and be choosier about which assignments I accepted. For my first job after the break, I took an assignment at a charter school at which I'd had a good experience before. I got myself all prepped the night before, made sure I was well rested and ready to go, complete with a fresh pack of lined paper and a handful of pre-sharpened pencils to hand out to students as necessary . . . 

 

I didn't even make it through the day.

 

I'll spare you the details, but basically, the teacher's lesson plan was not nearly enough to occupy the students for a full class period, and I discovered when the first class came in that, due to exams in some classes (not this one), the first two classes of the day were having double periods, meaning I now faced figuring out how to keep 20 middle schoolers engaged for nealy two hours with 30 minutes' worth of actual work. I did my best, but by the end of the second class, I was fighting both a headache and tears. (Not proud of it, but being honest here.) The next class was the teacher's planning period. So, I straightened the room, finished my notes, packed up my stuff and walked over to the office, where I explained that I had a terrible headache (not untrue) and could not finish the day.

 

I e-mailed my husband from the parking lot and asked him to tell me honestly if it would be a terrible, irresponsible thing for me to submit my resignation that same day. He responded that, while it may be worth sticking with a job you hate in order to make good money or with a job that pays poorly but that you really love, this job seems to be the worst of both worlds and that I should absolutely quit if I felt ready to do so.

 

I went home, typed a resignation letter and put it, along with my ID badge, in the mail that afternoon.

 

I'm alternating between giddy relief and feeling like a failure and obsessing over what in the world I should do next.

 

One of my personal goals for 2016 is continuing to build my income, and I'm not sure how I'm going to do that by starting off the year quitting one of my jobs.

 

Ugh.

 

 

Edited January 10, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[kentuckymom]

Subbing is not for the faint of heart. I did it for most of a school year before my son was born. I had some good experiences, but also a lot of really bad experiences. I lasted until the spring, but not quite the full school year, before I threw in the towel. Don't feel bad. I do hope you find other ways to expand your income, however.

[DawnM]

Subbing stinks.  It really, really does.  And the pay stinks.

I worked in PS for 17 years.....and I wouldn't want to sub.  But I would take on my own classroom in a heartbeat.

 

So, no, you are NOT a failure.

[Jaz]

Please don't worry about it. Consider that you gave it a try and it isn't a good fit for you. Now you know to look for other things!

[Pink and Green Mom]

FWIW, I agree with your husband.  For the low pay it is so not worth the aggravation.  I am so sorry that you had such terrible subbing assignments.

 

If you really want to give subbing another try, have you tried any of the small private schools in your area? I have subbed at half a dozen public schools and only one private school but the private school was better run in terms of what was left by the teacher and the principal was more accessible if something came up. 

[creekland]

It definitely takes a special type of personality to sub, so I wouldn't consider yourself a failure just because you don't have that type!  Instead, it could be worthy to contemplate looking more into tutoring or trying teaching classes for homeschoolers or similar if you like teaching in general.

 

Subbing is one part teaching and all other parts understanding young humans and how to deal with them.  I suspect I love the job mainly because I can do that latter part well 99% of the time.  I also suspect that's why I'm as loved at school as I am even when I'm not as up on the actual teaching part (in classes I can't teach like Spanish).  

 

There's no way I'll ever say this job is the fit for the vast majority of people - even those who love to teach.

[creekland]

ps  And it's definitely not worth the money... If we needed the money, I'd be better off getting a real job TBH.

[J-rap]

I am sorry!  I think you did what you had to do.  It reminds me of my daughter who in her first year of teaching, this year in France, during her first month of teaching, was given the entire high school class for two hours instead of one middle school class for 30 minutes, because of some emergency (and no advanced notice).  She had a similar reaction.  She said by the end of the two-hour period, kids were actually lighting each other's hair on fire!  Worst day of her life.  

 

 

[Annie G]

Your husband is a keeper.  

Hope you find something that you love.  I'd love to work at a job I love that also pays a high wage. But failing that, I'd rather love my job than hate it and have a larger paycheck. 

[Ali in OR]

I'm taking notes...maybe I'll be you when I graduate.

 

I did teach before kids, but I would have to do some work to get my certificate up to date. I tutor at the high school now (for free). If I were to teach there, I think I would want to teach just 2 or 3 periods. I go back and forth on the idea of subbing. Some classes are great, but some are frankly pretty challenging. When it's your own class, you get to set the tone; subbing, you have to work with what you get. And you were in a middle school? Probably the hardest group to sub for. 

 

The other job that is pretty cool at my dds' high school is being an assistant in the life skill class room. Not so much if you need an intellectual vibe to be happy, but the head teacher is awesome and the aides get to work together somewhat in a supportive, work/laugh together environment. But challenging in it's own ways--you need to be comfortable with autistic or very physically disabled kiddos.

[myfunnybunch]

Good for you.

 

I wanted to like your post, but that would mean liking the horrid experiences. I do like that you recognized your limit, that the line was crossed, and subbing isn't for you. THEN you took action. Well done.

 

I am going to remember this the next time I begin to let a horrible experience go on way too long.

 

 

[Lanny]

You are not a failure. Your DH gave you excellent advice and you took it.  I'm sorry it wasn't a great experience, but better to end it now, than to have continued being miserable. You did the correct thing!

[sarasue7272]

I keep telling myself to accept more middle school sub jobs, because the timing is better with my own kids. But it is hard, really really hard. It takes a lot out of me. One day was horrible, the last period was like a b-movie or something. No spitballs at least. Elementary is much more doable. I haven't had any trouble with the amount of work. I have always had more than enough. I subbed for a chorus teacher in middle school once. 40-60 kids for 70 minutes!

[Jenny in Florida]

Thank you all so much for the support and reassurances. 

 

I think one of the reasons I'm struggling with this so much is that "teacher" is such a big part of my understanding of myself. As long as I was homeschooling my own kids, it all fit together so neatly, but I can't figure out how to merge that part of my identity with the reality of the rest of my life.

[MomsintheGarden]

You are so worth more than that lousy sub job.  Good for you in quitting!  I hope you can find something that better meets your needs very soon.

[SunshineMom]

I think your homeschool journey, teaching two gifted children, could be a book!  I believe people would be very interested in your homeschool.  I also believe it would be valuable if you gathered stories from other homeschools similar to yours.

[KungFuPanda]

Thank you all so much for the support and reassurances.

 

I think one of the reasons I'm struggling with this so much is that "teacher" is such a big part of my understanding of myself. As long as I was homeschooling my own kids, it all fit together so neatly, but I can't figure out how to merge that part of my identity with the reality of the rest of my life.

You can be an excellent teacher, but not enjoy substituting. Substituting is just so different and probably not a good fit for people who thrive on schedules and planning. I'm a VERY go-with-the flow person, and I've spent my entire adult life teaching children, but I'm not sure I could do the mental gymnastics required to enjoy long-term substituting. It's a tough gig that's just not properly rewarded.

[Ottakee]

I understand. I am just getting back into subbing after a 20 year break (my that makes me sound old).

 

I can honestly say I am not loving it at all. I am subbing special education. The room I am in tomorrow and Wednesday is 16 special needs 5/6th graders...cognitively impaired, autistic, physically impaired, emotionally impaired, etc. It is TOUGH as it is 90% dealing with behaviors and 10% teaching. Teacher and aides are wonderful... This is just a super tough group of kids and way too many of them for any classroom.....added to that there is a brand new student starting tomorrow :-)

 

I am subbing as I love special needs kids and I need the super flexibility of subbing with my own 4 kids with lots of needs at home.

 

I just don't enjoy it.

[Jaybee]

:grouphug:  Not the same situation, but I volunteered to work in something that I have always thought I would love. I 'should' love it because it suits my experience, skills, and personality. But I don't love it. I don't even like it. I will probably finish the year, but will be doing something else next year. Sometimes you just have to do something before you know if it is a good fit or not. It isn't a failure when you realize it is not. But like you, I am kind of floundering with a type of identity crisis with this.

[Alicia64]

It's sad to me that the poor substitute teachers are being thrown through the same crazy gauntlet that they were running through decades ago!

 

As a kid, I thought my fellow classmates were horribly abusive to the sub. I was no brown nose, but I would cringe to see how the subs were treated.

 

That subs are still being put through it? Just wrong.

 

You were right to quit.

 

Alley

[Dicentra]

Thank you all so much for the support and reassurances. 

 

I think one of the reasons I'm struggling with this so much is that "teacher" is such a big part of my understanding of myself. As long as I was homeschooling my own kids, it all fit together so neatly, but I can't figure out how to merge that part of my identity with the reality of the rest of my life.

 

:grouphug:  Hugs to you, Jenny.  You're definitely not a failure.  The gain/pain ratio was WAY skewed to the "pain" side - nothing is worth that.

 

I understand the feeling of "teacher" being a big part of your being.  I taught in a public high school for 10 years before beginning homeschooling and I'm now teaching at the local community college while continuing to homeschool.  I was a TA and a lab demonstrator while I was a university student.  I can't imagine doing anything other than teaching. :)  What I discovered, though, is that most of what goes on in a classroom - even at the high school level and definitely at the elementary or middle school level - is not teaching.  It's classroom management - or, on my more cynical days, what I termed as "herding deranged cats". :D  Imparting knowledge - unless you happen to be working in that most magical of places where you have classes of kids who want to learn (and those are pretty rare) - teaching is basically public speaking in front of a hostile, captive audience that really doesn't want to be there, is mostly not listening, and herding that captive, hostile audience from Point A to Point B to Point C, etc.  from 8:30 to 3:30. :)

 

Please don't misunderstand me - even in spite what I've written above, I love teaching. :)  Over the years, you learn to anticipate what the little darlins are going to do in any given situation even before they themselves have thought of whatever the mischief was going to be and you can head them off at the pass, so to speak. :D  Teaching, I've always thought, is a craft and an art-form.  Even though I went through an education degree that had classes dealing with classroom management, my true education on how to be a good teacher came in the field - from watching and learning from veteran teachers and from trial-and-error as to what worked and what didn't.  Don't be hard on yourself that it wasn't good after half a year.  My first year of teaching was a nightmare that I'd rather not think about.

 

So many people have said to me, "Oh - homeschooling must be so much like when you were in the classroom."  Not. In. The Least. :)  Homeschooling is more like tutoring.  Classroom teaching is... well... herding deranged cats while trying to get them to understand atomic theory, quadratic equations, Shakespeare, etc.  And, as previous posters have said, subbing is the worst of the worst.  The kids have no incentive to treat you well - you're only there for a day and they know that they don't have to develop any kind of decent relationship with you.  Plus, it seems to be built into the American school culture that when a sub is in, the kids - ALL kids, even the ones who would normally behave well - are supposed to behave as badly as humanly possible.

 

Again, hugs to you.  If you feel that it's really, really, really important to you to teach, I will say that it will probably get better with time, experience, and talking to veteran teachers to find out what they would do in given situations.  It will never be like homeschooling or tutoring, though.  Classroom teaching is whole different ball of wax.

[creekland]

Thank you all so much for the support and reassurances. 

 

I think one of the reasons I'm struggling with this so much is that "teacher" is such a big part of my understanding of myself. As long as I was homeschooling my own kids, it all fit together so neatly, but I can't figure out how to merge that part of my identity with the reality of the rest of my life.

 

Just because subbing isn't you doesn't mean teaching isn't you.  It really doesn't.  But yes, teaching (not just subbing) in a public school is 100% different than both homeschooling and a good private school.

 

I spent my 10th grade year in FL and went to a really good private school.  Teachers there got paid less than their ps counterparts, but chose to teach there due to not having to deal with any behavior issues.  At this school, if you were a behavior issue you were kicked out and parents didn't get their money refunded.  There were never any behavior issues.  It was worth less money to those teachers AND the vast majority of them - perhaps all of them - were really good at teaching. 98% of the kids that senior year went on to four year college.  One went immediately into his dad's business.  One went into training for the Olympics.  (100 kids per class max.)

 

I loved the school.  The reason I was only there for one year was due to our returning to NY...

 

 

It's sad to me that the poor substitute teachers are being thrown through the same crazy gauntlet that they were running through decades ago!

 

As a kid, I thought my fellow classmates were horribly abusive to the sub. I was no brown nose, but I would cringe to see how the subs were treated.

 

That subs are still being put through it? Just wrong.

 

Sub baiting and taunting has been a tradition through the years and I don't see it stopping anytime soon.

 

The reason I love subbing?  I don't have behavior issues.  I can stop them.  I can't really teach others how to stop them because all of it comes from on the spot quick thinking and reacting to the specific situation that comes up.  It's a combo of treating them as adults, being knowledgeable about a huge range of topics (academic and otherwise), and being willing to act if a kid crosses my (very reasonable) lines.

 

I also only sub for 9th - 12th grades.  Each year I have to train the 9th graders as to how I like/handle things, but now, after 15+ years on the job, many of them have older siblings... so my training job is easier.  By training, I mean I specifically start new classes telling them exactly what I expect along with some tidbits of my background.  Then we get started on the work for the day.

 

I also get to change what we work on if I want to (many teachers don't mind anyway - they give me free rein most of the time), AND I can handle most challenging subjects.  Most kids do well when kept mentally busy, so I try to avoid pure busywork.  We'll move on in a subject instead or I'll teach something related.

 

I firmly believe many people have differing talents.  This is one I have... I've never once had any "teaching" course of any sort.  It's all natural.

 

I do some long term subbing (finished doing a 10 week assignment at Thanksgiving).  Kids love me there too (so they say - I have to tell them not to tell their regular teacher they like me better fairly often :glare: ) and it makes me feel a little wistful that I don't go full time, but OTOH, I prefer part time and subbing.

 

The same traits that had an AF review officer telling me (eons ago) I'm the one he'd want in charge in any sort of incident are what helps me be perfect for subbing I suspect.  FWIW, that officer also told me I'd be horrid in charge day to day as I obviously get bored easily.  Over the years I have tried to fix that last part, but natural traits are still natural traits.  I need change in my life, not routine.

 

Most people would not get that sort of review.  Most people do better in non-subbing jobs.

[Catwoman]

Jenny, you are not a failure -- quite the opposite, in fact. :)

 

You had the strength and courage to not only recognize that subbing wasn't the job for you, but also to take action and submit your resignation rather than continuing to suffer in silence.

 

It's not failure to not enjoy a job. You tried it and it didn't work out the way you'd hoped. Lesson learned. Now you can move on to something else. :)

[Frances]

Are there any homeschool centers near you where you could teach? Or homeschool groups you could offer your teaching services to? You would love teaching in the amazing center we were part of for several years. Teachers got to design their own courses, classes were limited to fifteen students, and popular teachers got bonus pay. And since attendance was completely voluntary and parents were encouraged to be involved, discipline problems were minimal.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that the best reason to sub is to get a long term sub job and then parley that into a fulltime teaching position.  Barring that, it's really the worst of both worlds.  You did great.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug: