Is anyone else bothered by this??

[Moxie]

Pictures of traumatized kids sitting with Santa?  People keep posting photos on FB of their scared, screaming kids sitting on Santa's lap and talking about how cute it is.  Why would you do that?  I don't think scared kids are cute.

[Chris in VA]

I think it kinda depends. I hear what you are saying, though.

[Pawz4me]

It's never made any sense to me.

[Sherry in OH]

Don't talk to strangers.  Don't take gifts from strangers.

 

Hey look, there's Santa.  Go sit on that strange man's lap and he'll give you a candy cane.

 

 

ETA: My children did sit on Santa's lap this year.  They wanted the candy canes.  I pitied that Santa.  Ds1 is 5-3 and weighs over 100 pounds.

Edited January 2, 2016 by Sherry in OH

[Tenaj]

We did the sit on Santa Claus's lap one time when my oldest two were 1 and 2.   They were scared to death and that was the last time we ever went near Santa Claus.  My neighbor had talked me into taking them with her kids . . .she thought it was hilarious . . .her kids were scared, too.  The next year she couldn't understand why we didn't go with them.  I was supposed to keep taking them so they would get "used" to it.  Nope - not that important.

[zoobie]

Terrified and forced to sit on Santa irks me. I have one picture from last year with a crying kid who's perpetually cranky and was pissed the giant candy canes weren't real. This year she wouldn't face the camera then had a meltdown after we left that she didn't get a picture with Santa. If I didn't have pictures of her looking less than happy, I'd have very few pictures of her. Some of the pictures are funny because it's a snapshot of how you try to make Christmas perfect and you just want one cute family photo and the kid who was perfectly happy and excited 30 seconds before and will be 30 seconds after pitched a hissy right then. Click!

[frogger]

I haven't seen the pictures but the whole idea of having to go sit on a strangers lap is weird to me. I wouldn't have liked it as a kid and my very reserved children I'm guessing wouldn't either.

 

I don't care if other people like to get the picture with Santa or something but to force them as a joke while they are scared or simply don't want to is sick to me. I don't force my children to hug people or anything like that either. The only thing I force my children to accept are things that are required for their health like cleaning a wound or being constrained in a seatbelt, etc.

[Annie G]

One of our kids was super excited to see Santa right up until it was time to get in his lap- then she freaked out. But she was already on his lap when that happened and they snapped a pic lickety split and we took her off. I guess I assumed it was like that. It was like a 30 second thing - and we didn't buy the pic because why would we pay to have photographic evidence of a bad experience? (It was more than 25 years ago so long before it became 'funny' to post it for the world) 

 

I've held crying kids and grandkids and they had that 'I want to escape' look on their faces. I've seen the same when our kids have visited the pediatrician when they were really little. So when I see that crying kid on Santa's lap, I do smile, but it's more of a ''been there, done that, don't want to do it again' thing.   

 

ETA: Our younger kids never wanted to sit on Santa's lap.  They'd write him a letter but never felt the need to have a personal conversation with him.  I have no regrets- family and friends told me I'd regret not having those pictures. Nope. 

Edited January 2, 2016 by Annie G

[Stacia]

I tried taking my dd when she was about 2, along w/ my nephew (who was about 5 at the time). Dd didn't cry, but she didn't like Santa & leaned as far away as possible from him while sitting on his knee. Nephew, on Santa's other knee, wouldn't stop talking & talking & talking (he's garrulous & has never met a stranger). So, the photo kind of makes me laugh because I remember the "elves" having to tell me that my nephew needed to stop talking to Santa & move along so other kids would get a chance. :lol: (But, my dd did not look traumatized & was not crying. She's just kind of looking askance at Santa while my nephew is grinning & talking.)

 

But, I never took my dd again because it bothered her. My ds was also never interested. There's no way I would have forced them to do that.

 

Dd did like the Easter Bunny (I guess fluffy animals are better than strange men) but ds would never get near the Easter Bunny either. I do have a very adorable pic of my dd & a friend of ours visiting the Easter Bunny though. (They were both happy & no fear there. Ds was perfectly happy to be NOT on the Easter Bunny's lap & I remember him rolling around on the floor with his blankie, entertaining himself while waiting for his sister & his pal to get their photos taken. Lol. Everyone was happy & has good memories.)

 

As to the original question, NO, I do not think those kinds of photos are funny & I'm not sure why parents subject their kids to that annually, especially if the first time is a disaster. It should be a lesson learned & there are other ways to celebrate &/or get cute holiday pics of your kids.

 

All this talk does make me think of David Sedaris' "Santaland Diaries" (where he talks about working as an "elf" for the Macy's Santa). Dh & I saw a play version of the Santaland Diaries a few years ago & it was hilarious. :lol:

[Sarah CB]

I bring out all my Santa pictures in frames as part of my Christmas decor.  The funny part is that for years there are pictures with various combinations of kids, but not all four of them.   It's 2/4 kids, or 3/4 kids in each picture.  One of my kids really didn't like Santa so he is missing from most of the pictures.  I didn't want to force anyone, but I sure do like having an annual Santa picture.  Last year, dd took it upon herself to take the boys to the mall and have a photo taken of all four of them.  It was my favourite Christmas present.  She did it again this year.  

[frogger]

One of our kids was super excited to see Santa right up until it was time to get in his lap- then she freaked out. But she was already on his lap when that happened and they snapped a pic lickety split and we took her off. I guess I assumed it was like that. It was like a 30 second thing - and we didn't buy the pic because why would we pay to have photographic evidence of a bad experience? (It was more than 25 years ago so long before it became 'funny' to post it for the world)

 

I've held crying kids and grandkids and they had that 'I want to escape' look on their faces. I've seen the same when our kids have visited the pediatrician when they were really little. So when I see that crying kid on Santa's lap, I do smile, but it's more of a ''been there, done that, don't want to do it again' thing.

 

ETA: Our younger kids never wanted to sit on Santa's lap. They'd write him a letter but never felt the need to have a personal conversation with him. I have no regrets- family and friends told me I'd regret not having those pictures. Nope.

 

That is understandable.

[3 ladybugs]

I was just asking DH last night if he thought we should take the kids to see Santa next year. My oldest is 7 and has never went. He said that he doesn't feel like our children are missing anything. I tend to agree. I never went to the whole sit on santa's lap as a child and I don't feel deprived. 

 

I agree with the pp that we tell our children stranger danger but do this with santa or the easter bunny. 

[Forget-Me-Not]

The thought of dragging 4 kids to the mall and weathering the crowds and lines and Christmas "muzak" to meet a fake Santa makes me want to cry, so . . . yeah.  Plus my kids are definitely the type to get up there and freak out and refuse anyway.  So it's not a tradition for us.  But I'm with you, I don't think it's funny.  

[catz]

Meh - people know their own kids best and each photo has it's own story.  There are much bigger injustices to kids in the world. 

 

There was the year I took my son to see Santa and he refused to sit on his lap.  Fine by me.  Then we go to leave and he starts to sob because he didn't sit on Santa's lap.  LOL.  Sometimes you have to laugh during those toddler/preschool years or you'd just be crying with the kid all the time.  My nephew has a crying picture with Santa because Santa didn't react how he wanted to a ridiculous gift he asked for (it was an exotic animal I think). 

[EmseB]

I am one of those who has scarred my kids for life by having them sit on Santa's lap for less than 30 seconds for a picture. I even think it's cute. My daughter got handed to Santa to sit with her brothers, she cried, they snapped a photo, santa handed her back. I can't articulate why I think it's cute, any more than I can tell you why I think it's cute when my 2yo is distressed about his pockets not letting his hands in. But I certainly don't think she has any lasting ill effects.

 

ETA: I think she would cry for any sort of posed photo that I wasn't in, santa or no. It's a phase of her life.

Edited January 2, 2016 by JodiSue

[PrincessMommy]

it does bug me, but not on the same level as other stuff.  I just think it's kind of sad when parents laugh at their kids trauma.

[HS Mom in NC]

For the sake of disclosure we don't do Santa but we're not morally opposed to it or anything. We did the Santa thing as kids but I never sat on Santa's lap that I know of and my husband only did

 

Yeah, I think it's a bad idea to force a kid into that situation.  If the kid isn't happy about being on Santa's lap then it's a parental fail.  Whatever nostalgic buzz the parent gets from the experience and photo is entirely negated by the fact that the kid didn't anything good out the experience-the kid got something bad out of the experience. 

Does it scar them for life?  No, but that doesn't change the fact that the kid didn't get anything good out of it if the kid was scared. Are there worse things parents can do to their kids?  Of course, but we still have to face the fact that the kid didn't get anything good out of it.  There are plenty other ways parents can get a Christmasy nostalgia buzz without upsetting a kid.

[barnwife]

Eh..sometimes the kids are fine until actually on Santa's lap. And if the kid is already there, I'd probably take a photo too. That being said, I wouldn't post such a photo online. (It'd be shared with DH and maybe our parents.)

So far, our kids don't want to sit on his lap. Thankfully, Santa stops at various local places and there isn't really a wait. They do like to stand next to him and wave though.

[Runningmom80]

They bother me too.

[EmseB]

Wow, I posted before I read the thread. Sick? Failure? Trauma? Are we all talking about a kid sitting on Santa's lap for 30 seconds? Dang, y'all should watch the news more often or something.

[Guest]

I find them adorable and hilarious. Toddlers and babies have that stranger fear stage even with people they previously were comfortable with - including my inlaws and babysitters. The Santa ones crack me up and there is no harm done. I have a few from my childhood that are like that and my mom treasures those silly things.

 

We don't do Santa and have never had lap pictures, but I get why other parents do them and I find them cute.

Edited January 2, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[MFG]

This falls under my general dislike of posting distressed or embarrassing pictures of children. I think it fails to treat children as individuals deserving of respect. My rule of thumb is, if you wouldn't want a particular picture of yourself made public, don't do it to your children.

[Joker]

I've never made mine so there's been no crying Santa pics. Mine always liked doing it.

 

There are crying pics of myself and some siblings and I find them funny. I have no problem either when they find their way online.

[Farrar]

I'm not deeply bothered... I mean, how many times is a young child excited by something only to suddenly freak out? Or a baby is happy then suddenly upset. You wave to the kid, it's okay, it's okay... oh well, not going to happen, quickly rescue the kid, and you have the crying photo because it's all they could get. I'm sure there are some where it's more like a parent saying my kid will do this no matter what and then not letting them leave... but I don't assume most are torturing the kid.

 

On the other hand, there was no way we were going to do that with the kids when they were babies and toddlers. Not worth the potential drama or the wait times. They did go visit the Santa at the National Tree by the White House when he used to be there when they were more like 6 or 7 yo. They liked that and it was something they chose to do so that was cool. They have never believed in Santa, but I always told them it was a game we could play together and they generally still enjoy the game of leaving out cookies and pretending.

[EmseB]

For me, it ranks right up there with watching emotionally distressed children being "surprised" by their military parent returning after a long absence. Ugh.

 

Okay, the more posts I read, the more I think we're not all talking about the same thing.

 

It's a small space, I'm standing right there.  Literally within arms' length of Santa and other kids are already posed with him.  Hand baby to Santa, click click click, Santa hands kid back.  She can see me the whole time, her brothers are right next to her, and oh by the way, she has the exact same reaction when I hand her off to her grandpa who she has seen about once a week for her whole life.  She's not crying before I hand her off and she doesn't cry after she's handed back to me.

 

 

I know this sounds defensive, but I seriously cannot figure out how people are equating this with true trauma.  Or a parent being gone on a military deployment for a long period of time where said parent is at risk of dying and the kid doesn't know when they are coming back, and may have to deal with them not coming back at all.  You feel like this is the same as a 10 second picture with Santa?

 

I have a picture of me crying with Santa at some young age, and a picture of me super excited to see him the very next year.  My parents took me on a roller coaster when I was younger and I freaked out while riding.  A couple years later I loved (and still love) roller coasters.  There's a picture somewhere of me after I sneezed with two rivers of snot down my face.  It's a huge family joke and it's hilarious to me and kind of funny, "Oh, do we wipe her nose?  No we take a picture first!".  This kind of worries me on some level, because true emotional distress caused by abuse is a serious thing, and if we're talking about a picture with Santa being "sick" or "traumatic" on this level, then I have to wonder what it does for people's general desensitization to true abuse.  If a picture with Santa is this bad (both as quoted by the OP and from other posts in the thread) and parents are doing this to their kids for fun, shouldn't CPS be called?  Shouldn't the abuse and trauma be reported?

 

On the other hand it kind of gives me a chuckle at what people get "bothered" by, but then again at least it's good to know the mommy wars are alive and well!  The internet is a vast and interesting place.

Edited January 2, 2016 by JodiSue

[Mimm]

I have a picture of myself as a baby sobbing on Santa's lap. I still feel the trauma to this day.

 

Actually I don't. :001_rolleyes: I'm not generally in favor of scaring children but ten seconds on a guy's lap so you can snap a picture isn't going to scar them for life. It's something I haven't bothered to do (who wants to wait in the line??) but it's not something I get my panties in a twist about when other people do it.

[frogger]

Obviously it is different if the child really wants to see Santa and suddenly changes his or her mind than if a parent is forcing the child for their own purposes. If a child is crying and screaming and you continue to make them sit on Santa's lap well, I don't get why you would do that.

[HS Mom in NC]

This is a thread specifically asking people to comment on being bothered by it, so readers should've been completely prepared to read in detail why people are bothered by it.  There shouldn't be any surprise on that front.  And of course, no one can expect to not be openly disagreed with no matter what the topic is.

 

By fail, I mean it fails the intended purpose and spirit of the holiday.  Making Christmas memories is about joy, warmth, magic, excitement, etc.  It's not possible for a baby or a toddler to associate Santa with any of those things because they don't have the cognitive ability to connect the guy in the red suit to any warm feeling of nostalgia.  So, it's obvious that the baby/toddler pictures can only be about mommy and or daddy's nostalgia lived vicariously.  So, no the kid isn't getting anything out of it and is, frankly, getting the short end of the stick at best and at worst is the butt of a bad joke.  It's like practical jokes that essentially make someone feel bad temporarily for someone else's amusement. I think those are crappy things to do to someone for a lame laugh. Posting photos of it makes me really wonder about the psychology in the parent or prankster.
 

Older preschoolers and young elementary kids do have the cognitive ability to associate Santa with the joy, warmth, magic and excitement of Christmas and if they want to stand in a ridiculously long line then fine.  Some will get upset when actually on his lap, so I'm not bothered by a parent failing to predict the future when all indications showed the kid really was interested in it.  It's the parents whose kids are not interested or whose tone and body language indicate that they're not as interested as they say they are that bother me. 

[poppy]

I would not equate it with 'true trauma' but I do not get the humor. Look at the miserable child and laugh?

 

I have posted a pic of my kid sitting as far away from Santa as she can be while still being in the frame. Whatever. Santa plus kid = happy grandma. But actually posting a pic of a screaming and crying kid is just mean, IMO.

[pehp]

I hate it!  But I'm a sensitive soul when it comes to my children and their fears. If my child were smiling/happy then the photo would be cute to me, but I don't want a picture of my child crying or anxious.  I don't like it but would not get worked up over other people's photos--I just don't really want to see any photo of a child in distress, even if it's minor. 

 

We never did it...because I'm not really into Santa anyhow, but also because I knew my older child would have had a Massive Freak Out session. Then #2 came along and she was my velcro baby (my FIL used to time how long it would take for her to start wailing when I handed her to him--the record was 30 seconds), so I never tried it with her, either. 

[meena]

BIL/SIL's Christmas card this year had three pictures, two of which were of my toddler niece who was clearly upset and crying while visiting Santa. The third picture was a picture they had taken at home with my niece smiling and happy. I guess I just don't understand why they used those crying pictures on their card, especially when it's obvious they had other good pics. If they wanted to take Crying pics to remember her first visit with Santa and have them as a private Christmas memory, I could understand that.

 

I think about it like this: would I want my family to publicly share (on FB or IG or a greeting card) one of my really low moments? Would I want everyone to see me crying, frightened, or distressed? No! So why is it okay to do that to a young child who can't speak or choose for themselves what's being shared?

[MomtoCandJ]

No Santa this year as I knew dd2 would freak, next year we will try (as in we walk by Santa and see how she reacts)

[EmseB]

BIL/SIL's Christmas card this year had three pictures, two of which were of my toddler niece who was clearly upset and crying while visiting Santa. The third picture was a picture they had taken at home with my niece smiling and happy. I guess I just don't understand why they used those crying pictures on their card, especially when it's obvious they had other good pics. If they wanted to take Crying pics to remember her first visit with Santa and have them as a private Christmas memory, I could understand that.

 

I think about it like this: would I want my family to publicly share (on FB or IG or a greeting card) one of my really low moments? Would I want everyone to see me crying, frightened, or distressed? No! So why is it okay to do that to a young child who can't speak or choose for themselves what's being shared?

 

Well, my kids' "low moments" are sitting on Santa Claus's lap, or not having their pockets work, or putting their pants on backwards, or not getting a cookie after dinner.  Not, say, losing a house to foreclosure, losing a job, or dealing with death.  They live pretty protected lives (other than those things).  If my kids, God forbid, undergo actual trauma?  Actual abuse?  No, I'm not posting pictures of that.  For toddlers, I try to make light of their "really low moments" because if I were to make a big deal out of them or somehow regard them as sacred, I'd be emotionally exhausted and they would get a really skewed idea of what's okay to be upset over.  Usually, if it's something like the above mentioned "problems" I will make jokes about it to make them laugh.  I think part of the way parents cope is (in this day and age) commiserating with other parents on social media.  It used to be the family photo album that everyone saw when they came over to the house, but it's the same principle.  Some people deal with toddler antics with humor, if at all possible.  I actually find the "why my kid is crying" posts to usually be hilarious.  Not everyone's cuppa, but likening it to trauma, or failures as a parent, or a military deployment, or the equivalent of an adult's problems seems way overblown.

 

I mean, babies and toddlers are different than adults.  I wouldn't want anyone on social media seeing me happy and smiling in a big fluffy pink tutu, but yeah, I do post pictures like that of my girl on FB.  So I guess "why is it okay to do that to a young child" is because a) they aren't actually in any way being harmed, and b) because I'm the parent in their life.  And I gradually have restricted what I post as my kids have gotten older.  But in general, in our house, what kids think are "low moments" are definitely no big thing and are often treated as funny.

 

ETA: (just for perspective, I did Santa for the oldest two once about 5 years ago with no tears, and once this year with all four kids -- my 2yo was stoked about Santa Claus this year, the only one that cried was the baby, and again, less than 30 seconds for three clicks of the camera.  It's a cute little photo, and one of the only photos I have of all of them together looking in the same direction with good lighting and no bluriness)

Edited January 3, 2016 by JodiSue

[EmseB]

This is a thread specifically asking people to comment on being bothered by it, so readers should've been completely prepared to read in detail why people are bothered by it.  There shouldn't be any surprise on that front.  And of course, no one can expect to not be openly disagreed with no matter what the topic is.

 

By fail, I mean it fails the intended purpose and spirit of the holiday.  Making Christmas memories is about joy, warmth, magic, excitement, etc.  It's not possible for a baby or a toddler to associate Santa with any of those things because they don't have the cognitive ability to connect the guy in the red suit to any warm feeling of nostalgia.  So, it's obvious that the baby/toddler pictures can only be about mommy and or daddy's nostalgia lived vicariously.  So, no the kid isn't getting anything out of it and is, frankly, getting the short end of the stick at best and at worst is the butt of a bad joke.  It's like practical jokes that essentially make someone feel bad temporarily for someone else's amusement. I think those are crappy things to do to someone for a lame laugh. Posting photos of it makes me really wonder about the psychology in the parent or prankster.

 

Older preschoolers and young elementary kids do have the cognitive ability to associate Santa with the joy, warmth, magic and excitement of Christmas and if they want to stand in a ridiculously long line then fine.  Some will get upset when actually on his lap, so I'm not bothered by a parent failing to predict the future when all indications showed the kid really was interested in it.  It's the parents whose kids are not interested or whose tone and body language indicate that they're not as interested as they say they are that bother me. 

 

Ah, my 2yo loved it!  His brothers talked it up to him and he was really happy to get a candy cane.  Interesting about the long lines, I didn't really want to wait either, so we went on a weekday in the morning.  It was about a 5 or 10 minute wait.  But yeah, in general, when I make my kids sit for pictures it is not for them, it is for me and their relatives.  I do make them sit, sometimes to exasperation, and depending on the ages and best intentions, someone sometimes looks grumpy in the photos.  But you're right, we do it so we have something to look back on.  I do it for myself.  This is the year that my baby won't let anyone else hold her for a second.  That was the year that my 10 month old found the ball on Santa's hat worthy of tasting, that was the year the 2yo just wanted his dang candy.  Certainly I'm not buying the photos for the kids, I don't know why that's an issue, I guess.  I didn't realize that made me mentally unstable.  I mean, I get people not wanting to see a photo of a crying baby and being bothered, but to call it traumatic, sick, etc, and call their mental state into question is way over the top (to me).  That's what I was disagreeing with; I am not surprised someone doesn't like a photo of a crying baby.  I am surprised that people are taking it to the level of it being abusive to put one's kid on Santa's lap.  If a kid doesn't want to, I wouldn't force him to, but neither do I think it's horrible for a kid to have a bad experience at something innocuous and harmless.

 

It reminds me of my husband doing "magic" tricks for my kids and one of my toddlers having a meltdown because dad made his penny disappear or go into his ear or something like that.  Yes, my husband played a trick on him.  But nothing bad was happening to him, he wasn't hurt, and it was all over in about 30 seconds.  To get a good laugh out of something like that is not a psychological flaw in a parent.

 

But, if the bolded is true, and you are really concerned about the sanity of a parent or household, I do think you should probably report it when/if you see it.

[meena]

Well, my kids' "low moments" are sitting on Santa Claus's lap, or not having their pockets work, or putting their pants on backwards, or not getting a cookie after dinner. Not, say, losing a house to foreclosure, losing a job, or dealing with death. They live pretty protected lives (other than those things). If my kids, God forbid, undergo actual trauma? Actual abuse? No, I'm not posting pictures of that. For toddlers, I try to make light of their "really low moments" because if I were to make a big deal out of them or somehow regard them as sacred, I'd be emotionally exhausted and they would get a really skewed idea of what's okay to be upset over. Usually, if it's something like the above mentioned "problems" I will make jokes about it to make them laugh. I think part of the way parents cope is (in this day and age) commiserating with other parents on social media. It used to be the family photo album that everyone saw when they came over to the house, but it's the same principle. Some people deal with toddler antics with humor, if at all possible. I actually find the "why my kid is crying" posts to usually be hilarious. Not everyone's cuppa, but likening it to trauma, or failures as a parent, or a military deployment, or the equivalent of an adult's problems seems way overblown.

By "really low moment" I wasn't really thinking trauma or tragedy or abuse. I was thinking more along the lines of ordinary days when things happen that are upsetting. Maybe a day where I didn't sleep well so I'm grouchy, have bags under my eyes, and feel a migraine coming on. Or maybe a time when I have to spend a beautiful sunny day inside because I need to deep clean all the bathrooms and in doing so find a creepy lizard hiding behind the toilet. Maybe I'm PMSing and in my most comfy but ratty sweats with my hair looking crazy and the dryer stops working and the kids are fighting and on and on. Those are all situations in which I might cry (migraines bring me to tears), be frightened (hello, lizard in the house), or be distressed (Calgon, take me away!). I can often find humor in those times after they are over with, but would I want my kids to come and snap pics of me in those low moments and have them send them out to the general public so everyone can get a kick out of my struggles? No way. Or I'd at least want a choice in the matter, not have them shown to everyone without my permission. I agree that adults and children are different, but they are both people who deserve to be treated with respect to their feelings.

 

ETA: I wasn't at all trying to compare a child sitting on Santa's lap with adult problems like financial problems or death. I was thinking more along the lines of being in a similar situation and how somehow it's often socially acceptable to laugh at kids being distressed because those are "small potatoes" type situations that they'll get over. Adults have situations like that, too, and don't usually want those shared all over social media without their permission so that everyone can have a good laugh.

Edited January 3, 2016 by meena

[EmseB]

By "really low moment" I wasn't really thinking trauma or tragedy or abuse. I was thinking more along the lines of ordinary days when things happen that are upsetting. Maybe a day where I didn't sleep well so I'm grouchy, have bags under my eyes, and feel a migraine coming on. Or maybe a time when I have to spend a beautiful sunny day inside because I need to deep clean all the bathrooms and in doing so find a creepy lizard hiding behind the toilet. Maybe I'm PMSing and in my most comfy but ratty sweats with my hair looking crazy and the dryer stops working and the kids are fighting and on and on. Those are all situations in which I might cry (migraines bring me to tears), be frightened (hello, lizard in the house), or be distressed (Calgon, take me away!). I can often find humor in those times after they are over with, but would I want my kids to come and snap pics of me in those low moments and have them send them out to the general public so everyone can get a kick out of my struggles? No way. Or I'd at least want a choice in the matter, not have them shown to everyone without my permission. I agree that adults and children are different, but they are both people who deserve to be treated with respect to their feelings.

 

I guess I just see kid antics as different than adult antics.  And, sometimes on my grumpy days, I do need some outside perspective on my behavior that is less than flattering.  Generally, no, someone isn't posting a picture of my bad days to instagram, but sometimes I do post unflattering stuff about myself because I need a proverbial kick in the pants.

 

 

I guess what bothered me about this thread is that people were using words and phrases that I associate with actual abuse.  Trauma, to me, is not from 30 seconds of crying when a baby is handed to someone they don't like.  I don't think it is "sick" or what every other words were used to put a baby on Santa's lap, even if you suspect you might get a pic of a crying baby with Santa.  I guess I can honestly say sometimes I think the sad face on a baby or toddler is cute because I think darn near everything on a baby or toddler is cute.  I don't think a photo of a crying baby is disrespectful to the baby.  Different strokes, I guess.

 

I think, also, that the tone seemed a lot like people wanted to play mommy wars, like the Santa think is something that bad moms or parents do to their kids and something we can look down on other people for doing, and oh my goodness, I would never subject my baby to that sort of thing.  It all seemed a little over wrought for no good reason.

 

But I'm repeating myself.  I guess if people are bothered by a crying baby pic once a year on my FB page, they could unfollow?

[meena]

I found some old pics of my DD, now age 13. I had taken a series of photos when she was about 3-4 months old of her crying. It was cute to me because she was always a very happy baby who rarely cried, and when she did her little face still looked so cute. I never shared those with anyone, they were just for me to remember her various baby expressions. I showed these pics to DD recently and she didn't like seeing them. It didnt make her terribly mad or upset, but she definitely didn't get pleasure from them. Seeing her reaction reinforced that I'm so glad those pictures were never shared or given out as a way to be humorous. DD doesn't have any social media accounts, but if she did and wanted to post those old crying pics I would be okay with that because then it's her choice to share a picture that shows a moment of distress. I know based on her reaction, though, that she wouldn't share them.

[MrsBasil]

I am not, but we all have our things. Those "we ate all your Halloween candy" videos bug me. :)

 

I think some of those photos are kids being fine with it up until the moment they realize mom or dad isn't there or they get spooked by all the unknown people looking at them or something. Those store photographers take photos quickly and usually the parent is right there to grab them.

 

OT, but I wish I had a video of the only time my son went to see Santa. He was somewhat into it, but got uncomfortable with sitting on Santa's lap or getting a hug from him so he decided he would stand a foot away from Santa and shake his hand while saying, "I mailed you a letter, did you get it? I do not want to sit on your lap and I do not want a hug. Thanks for bringing gifts to kids. Bye" Then he just walked back to us and said, "OK, I'm done. We don't have to do this again."

[Alicia64]

We laugh b/c we don't have a single photo of our boys w/ Santa. They were just too freaked out and I would never force it.

 

Wait, one time I held my boys and stood next to Santa.

 

That's all I have!

 

I agree w/ you.

 

Alley

Edited January 3, 2016 by Alicia64

[EmseB]

I found some old pics of my DD, now age 13. I had taken a series of photos when she was about 3-4 months old of her crying. It was cute to me because she was always a very happy baby who rarely cried, and when she did her little face still looked so cute. I never shared those with anyone, they were just for me to remember her various baby expressions. I showed these pics to DD recently and she didn't like seeing them. It didnt make her terribly mad or upset, but she definitely didn't get pleasure from them. Seeing her reaction reinforced that I'm so glad those pictures were never shared or given out as a way to be humorous. DD doesn't have any social media accounts, but if she did and wanted to post those old crying pics I would be okay with that because then it's her choice to share a picture that shows a moment of distress. I know based on her reaction, though, that she wouldn't share them.

 

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't have appreciated them at 13.  I can definitely remember 13 and being embarrassed or uncomfortable about almost everything related to me as a baby or even any photos people wanted to take at the time.  I was very self conscious, I don't know if your DD is in general, but I can appreciate at 13 a kid not being a fan of most any unflattering picture.  In my house hanging up (or maybe it was my grandma's, I can't remember now) there is/was one of those photo collages with a picture of me looking over my shoulder at about 2yo and I was stark naked.  I remember being mortified at the idea of anyone seeing it when I was in middle school.  Now at 35 I think I have a bit of a different perspective on it and I've posted a couple of those old photos online and we (DH and I) look through the old albums and laugh.  There are not a ton of me crying, but various embarrassing photos of little kid antics pop up now and then.

 

Like I said earlier, I think we just come from different perspectives.  I don't think, really, that crying at 3-4 months old is embarrassing for a kid, even if they think it is at some point in their life.  I don't think it's private.  My kids cry in public occasionally.  I get getting older and not posting about them as much.  I've already tapered way off  for my oldest and he's only 8.  But, we have pictures of goofy poses of them in photos in the hallway, and I wouldn't take those down for a self-conscious teen.  But I definitely come from a "get over yourself" kind of family culture where being embarrassed about things that weren't embarrassing (like crying as a baby or doing cute toddler stuff), or being upset about things that were harmless wasn't really...catered (?) to.  That's the wrong phrase, and generally my parents weren't out there parading my faults, but they weren't taking pictures out of albums or off walls to protect my odd sensitivities as a young teen either  (And I should caveat -- I'm talking about little things (like a crying baby photo), not big issues or actual difficulties in life.).  There weren't baby pictures that were private.  I don't take baby or other pictures that I wouldn't want in existence somewhere, or that I would want kept private, because almost all of our pictures are in digital form nowadays.

[meena]

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't have appreciated them at 13. I can definitely remember 13 and being embarrassed or uncomfortable about almost everything related to me as a baby or even any photos people wanted to take at the time. I was very self conscious, I don't know if your DD is in general, but I can appreciate at 13 a kid not being a fan of most any unflattering picture. In my house hanging up (or maybe it was my grandma's, I can't remember now) there is/was one of those photo collages with a picture of me looking over my shoulder at about 2yo and I was stark naked. I remember being mortified at the idea of anyone seeing it when I was in middle school. Now at 35 I think I have a bit of a different perspective on it and I've posted a couple of those old photos online and we (DH and I) look through the old albums and laugh. There are not a ton of me crying, but various embarrassing photos of little kid antics pop up now and then.

 

Like I said earlier, I think we just come from different perspectives. I don't think, really, that crying at 3-4 months old is embarrassing for a kid, even if they think it is at some point in their life. I don't think it's private. My kids cry in public occasionally. I get getting older and not posting about them as much. I've already tapered way off for my oldest and he's only 8. But, we have pictures of goofy poses of them in photos in the hallway, and I wouldn't take those down for a self-conscious teen. But I definitely come from a "get over yourself" kind of family culture where being embarrassed about things that weren't embarrassing (like crying as a baby or doing cute toddler stuff), or being upset about things that were harmless wasn't really...catered (?) to. That's the wrong phrase, and generally my parents weren't out there parading my faults, but they weren't taking pictures out of albums or off walls to protect my odd sensitivities as a young teen either (And I should caveat -- I'm talking about little things (like a crying baby photo), not big issues or actual difficulties in life.). There weren't baby pictures that were private. I don't take baby or other pictures that I wouldn't want in existence somewhere, or that I would want kept private, because almost all of our pictures are in digital form nowadays.

You don't know my DD and are making assumptions that fit only your line of thinking. She wasn't embarrassed at all or concerned with what other people might think about that picture. She was sad for the crying baby (who happened to be her).

 

The issue isn't about embarrassment, present or future. It's about seeing an upset child and empathizing. If you're used to and embrace a "get over it" mentality then I can see where you differ from a lot of people who are bothered by this type of picture.

[zoobie]

You don't know my DD and are making assumptions that fit only your line of thinking. She wasn't embarrassed at all or concerned with what other people might think about that picture. She was sad for the crying baby (who happened to be her).

 

The issue isn't about embarrassment, present or future. It's about seeing an upset child and empathizing. If you're used to and embrace a "get over it" mentality then I can see where you differ from a lot of people who are bothered by this type of picture.

Crying babies aren't necessarily something to be sad or upset about. All babies cry. That's how they communicate. Some cry more than others. A terrified, traumatized child = / = crying baby. And I don't need empathy or psychological counseling. I never let my kids CIO, they co-sleep, nurse on demand, blah blah blah. Babies cry. I can't even comprehend the mentality that a crying baby photo is something that needs to be handled delicately. It's as bizarre to me as never showing a sleeping baby photo.

[EmseB]

Crying babies aren't necessarily something to be sad or upset about. All babies cry. That's how they communicate. Some cry more than others. A terrified, traumatized child = / = crying baby. And I don't need empathy or psychological counseling. I never let my kids CIO, they co-sleep, nurse on demand, blah blah blah. Babies cry. I can't even comprehend the mentality that a crying baby photo is something that needs to be handled delicately. It's as bizarre to me as never showing a sleeping baby photo.

Pretty much this is me. We don't CIO, I nurse on demand, etc.

 

Normal baby crying as private, traumatic, or being upset about a photo of a crying baby seems to go somewhere beyond empathy.

[meena]

Crying babies aren't necessarily something to be sad or upset about. All babies cry. That's how they communicate. Some cry more than others. A terrified, traumatized child = / = crying baby. And I don't need empathy or psychological counseling. I never let my kids CIO, they co-sleep, nurse on demand, blah blah blah. Babies cry. I can't even comprehend the mentality that a crying baby photo is something that needs to be handled delicately. It's as bizarre to me as never showing a sleeping baby photo.

Yes, all babies cry. When we handle babies IRL, we are usually trying to meet the need that is causing the crying and try to find resolution. I think that's why my DD didn't like seeing pics of her baby self crying--because she was seeing the tense moment and not the resolution that came shortly thereafter.

 

Nowhere did I outright say or imply that crying baby pictures should be banned or given a triple X rating. I just shared what I did about my DD to show that there are kids who might not appreciate pictures of themselves crying being passed around the Internet. There is a big difference between having pictures in a family album or on a hard drive versus putting them in your family Christmas card that you send to everyone on your mailing list/ posting on FB for all of your friends list to see.

 

As for psychological counseling, I never said anything of the sort so don't pair that with a quote from me.

 

Having and/or sharing a picture of a crying child is most likely (like 99.9%) NOT going to be a cause of longterm hurt for a child. But if it points to a patterns of child mockery or consistent disrespect of a child's feelings (in a family or in society in general), then it gets to be uncomfortable.

[Sneezyone]

Must every moment on FB be of happy, joyous children? Is childhood just one big smorgasbord of bright, shiny moments? I have pics of my kids pouting over a negative answer, sulking in the corner, behind a slammed door. That's who they are at that moment. I also have pictures of them triumphant on the medal stand, after a base hit, and blowing out candles. That's part of our family story too.

 

We do Santa pictures every year because, as adults, it is freaking awesome look back at every year of growth (I display them every year as do my aunt and mother) and see how far we have come. My son was not happy in one of our 12 Santa photos. He was fine right up until the moment he had to go take the darn picture. That, too, is a fond memory of his personality at that time. Hey, remember when you thought Santa was Satan incarnate? The very next year he was all smiles. Life's full of ups and downs. When I share w/my family on FB, I share the realities (good and bad).

Edited January 3, 2016 by Sneezyone