Schooling with a frequent houseguest

[Squawky Acres]

My mother-in-law loves to fly across the country to spend time with her grandchildren -- staying for 8 or 9 days at a time.  In the past, I have dropped school and taken her out sight-seeing with the kids, calling it a "field trip" or school vacation.  As her visits have become more frequent (two such visits during the school year, and one in the summer), and the kids have grown older, I feel very stressed about taking all of this time off.  I like vacations to be . . . restful, and having a houseguest is not restful for me, and does not allow me to catch up on everything I want to do while not schooling.  I also feel it is unfair to the children to suspend their lessons for such a long period.

 

This fall, we started school early in anticipation of her scheduled visit, and took the time off; but now she wants to visit in late February, and we have had e-mails back and forth about how we can take a day off for a field trip, and will try to complete our school in the morning, but we can't take vacation during her visit this time.  I don't think she is understanding this, and keeps talking about all the day trips the kids have told her they want to take, and asking about school vacation.  I told her that the kids are taking a winter break earlier that month to attend a program at the nature center, so we cannot take another winter break.

 

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable.  I *love* that she wants to come and build relationships with the grandchildren, and I do feel a bit arbitrary telling her when our "school vacation" is and isn't.  It would be so much easier if the kids were in a traditional school!

 

Any advice for handling these visits and trying to get school done?

[Cosmos]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. A day or two off with Grandma is fine, but there is a limited amount of time off you can take, especially as the kids get older, and you don't want to "spend" it all on one grandparent's visits.

 

Why not use this as a time for Grandma to spend some one-on-one time with each child? She could take your 2yo to the zoo one day, the 3yo some place another day and so on. The little ones can have a fun time with Grandma, which might give you a bit of a break at home. Her special time with the older two could be in the afternoon or on a Saturday. And do take at least one day to do something fun all together.

[lmrich]

You have young ones too. Can she pitch in and entertain the younger group in the morning so you can finish your lessons with the older ones?  Can she do a read aloud in the afternoon when you return? My mom and dad enjoyed helping the kids finish projects or play educational games or fun flash cards etc.. I would enlist her to be your ally.

[pehp]

Not at all unreasonable. I also manage a frequent houseguest relative (my sister) and we do school as scheduled/planned in the mornings, and then afternoons are free to have fun w/ her (b/c she's single and has no children, so she's Very Fun).  She is also useful in helping with my younger child during school hours at times.  I like the suggestions to get G'ma involved with younger children while you work with older ones.  

[Melissa in Australia]

When my older ones were younger and being homeschooled, my in-laws would come for 4-5 weeks a year. they would take turns and it went on for about 8 years ( until they became to old to travel all the way from Canada)

What we did was drop all afternoon schoolwork (history, science and logic) and just continue on with the morning schoolwork

[Tanaqui]

I don't have any advice, but I want to say I think you're not being unreasonable. If your children were being educated in a school instead of at home, she wouldn't demand they take a week off every time she wanted to come visit.

[Squawky Acres]

Thank you for the advice.  I wish I could structure our time as Cosmos suggested (with Grandma taking the children individually on little trips while I do school with the others), but she does not drive, and does not have a lot of energy for supervising children.

 

If the children were in school, it would be so easy.  Grandma and I would take the little boys to the zoo in the morning, she could spend time with the older children when they got home, and then we would do something fun on the weekend.  It is just that it is difficult to be mother, teacher, hostess, and cruise ship operator/tour guide all at the same time and still get school done for my older kids.

 

I think that I could drop some afternoon school as pehp did-- Latin, History, Science, so that we could be more free in the afternoons (replacing them with some read-aloud that maybe Grandma could do).  She does like to read to the children and do flashcards or similar, so I could use her help with that.  She might be able to watch the littles for limited periods of time in the morning, but I know they can be overwhelming for an elderly person, so I can't have her do that all morning every morning.

 

The problem is probably one of transitions.  We used to take all the time off and do many, many fun things when she visited.  Maybe too much.  Now, she is doing two school-year visits per year (instead of one), the kids are older, and we need to scale it back, and get our school done.  I want to communicate that ahead of time, before she buys her tickets, so that she understands that she is welcome to come, but needs to allow us to do school (and if that's not all right, she can wait until the summer). 

 

 

[Junie]

My MIL passed away suddenly when my children were 7, 5, 3, 1, unborn, and not-yet-expected.

 

Your children are still quite young.  I think that I would continue to drop school while Grandma is around.

 

Maybe do an hour or two a day with your older ones while she does something with the youngers.

 

Maybe work with her to schedule future visits at a better time for you.

 

But, I would absolutely let the children spend time with their grandmother.

 

 

[Squawky Acres]

Thanks, Junie, for that perspective.  This is my other line of thought, and why I have always just skipped school when she visits.  My MIL's health is failing, so I do feel badly ignoring her and just going ahead with school -- and am thankful that homeschooling allows us some flexibility to spend more time with family.  But then, I am feeling overwhelmed by the thought of losing all of that school time in February.  The kids also tend to develop behavior problems when the daily structure of school is taken away, as I have some very intense personalities who do better with structure.  And then it is tough to have behavior problems and confused, unstructured kids when we have a houseguest observing everything.

 

I think I will go ahead and do some morning lessons with the older ones, and plan some fun things for the afternoons.

[Alexigail]

I can't imagine having in-laws (or anyone) for that length of time and that often.  I think it's reasonable to be very direct and explain that it's crucial that this visit not interfere with their studies or their routine.  Unfortunately, sometimes people don't understand boundaries until you enforce them.  I've had to make mornings completely off limits to my family because it's "school time" and they don't really understand that doesn't mean "do whatever we want time".

 

Good Luck!

[Paige]

I've had this throughout our homeschooling life. Both sets of grandparents would want to spend several weeks at our house a year since we lived far away. It was (is) stressful because I'm an introvert and having house guests makes it impossible for me to fully relax. I can't maintain a school schedule while they are here no matter how much I've tried. It's so much worse to try to do school than to skip it. They ask the grandparents for help and the grandparents muck it up- they can't do math or grammar! Having them listening in makes me nervous and the kids are distracted and don't do as well. Then the grandparents think we have no schedule or organization or discipline and I have to explain that it's not normally like this, but nobody believes me! Ugh. Seriously- just skip school. For me, it was worse when we moved somewhat closer and they wanted more impromptu visits. I can schedule things a week out, but asking me to drop everything 3-4 times a month randomly was even more disruptive. 

 

Your kids are very young and missing a couple weeks at this point will not matter. I compensated by doing year round school so that we could take off several weeks during the year without compromising our own family vacations. Our most recent 10day visit was this fall. The kids and grandparents had a wonderful time and I was stressed. A couple of weeks ago, one of those grandparents who seemed fine while here passed away. I can't express how grateful I am that we arranged to have the grandparents here when we did. It meant a lot to them and to the kids and a visit like that will never happen again. My kids are older- my youngest is the age of your oldest, and I can promise that missing that week and a half did not hurt anyone. 

[Squawky Acres]

I am an introvert as well, and MIL has a difficult personality (although she really loves the kids, and tries so hard to be as helpful and agreeable as possible).  I really just wish she would not visit so frequently, but then I feel unkind for not appreciating how much effort she is making to come out here and build relationships with her grandchildren.  I do realize now that I need to schedule time for DH to take MIL and the kids someplace else one day on the weekend; and I also try to disappear in the evenings once things are cleaned up just to maintain sanity (and allow MIL and DH to visit while I stay in bed and read).  Last visit, I had to leave the house suddenly to "run errands" because I was afraid I might explode.

 

Maybe it is a fantasy to think we can accomplish some schoolwork.  We *have* tried in the past, but it is difficult because there are interruptions, and the kids misbehave, and the schedule isn't quite the same and I'm afraid she wonders just when school takes place.  She hasn't said anything, but I feel disapproved of.

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 28, 2015 by w11

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I am an introvert as well, and MIL has a difficult personality (although she really loves the kids, and tries so hard to be as helpful and agreeable as possible).  I really just wish she would not visit so frequently, but then I feel unkind for not appreciating how much effort she is making to come out here and build relationships with her grandchildren.  I do realize now that I need to schedule time for DH to take MIL and the kids someplace else one day on the weekend; and I also try to disappear in the evenings once things are cleaned up just to maintain sanity (and allow MIL and DH to visit while I stay in bed and read).  Last visit, I had to leave the house suddenly to "run errands" because I was afraid I might explode.

 

Maybe it is a fantasy to think we can accomplish some schoolwork.  We *have* tried in the past, but it is difficult because there are interruptions, and the kids misbehave, and the schedule isn't quite the same and I'm afraid she wonders just when school takes place.  She hasn't said anything, but I feel disapproved of.

 

If she hasn't said anything, don't assume that she is being critical.  She could just as easily be thinking that she wished she could do something to ease your load, but doesn't know how to offer.

 

It's a great idea to make sure you give yourself some breathing room time when she visits.  

 

I have to agree with a previous post that with kids as young as yours, you can ease up during visits.  You might also try waking the older kids earlier so you have extra school time before your MIL gets around in the morning.  

 

We have spent a lot of time far from family, being stationed half a world away.  My kids are lucky to get to see their grandparents once a year.  We have gone as long as two years between visits.  Sometimes I regret that my kids won't have an idyllic relationship with their grandparents that is based on years of lots of casual time together.  The last couple family visits to us happened during really busy times for my kids.  They had dual enrollment college classes, college applications, scout meetings, online Latin homework and sports.  We took what time we could, but also my parents and in-laws got to see how hard my kids were working and what is involved in keeping our house going.

 

You might also think about family time that doesn't have to involve field trips out of the house.  Are there special family recipes that your MIL could teach a kid to make?  Is there a craft or hobby that she could share with one of the kids?  Even snuggling on the couch with the little ones and watching a movie could be something your kids really cherish years from now.

[Junie]

Is there any skill that your MIL could teach your dc?  Such as baking, knitting, bird watching?  She might enjoy that -- and your dc would be learning at the same time.

 

 

[Squawky Acres]

That's true.  I guess time with Grandma doesn't always have to involve complicated trips outside the house.  It would be less disruptive to do things together at home some of the days.  In warmer months, she enjoys gardening with the kids, and will spend hours outside with them; but that doesn't work in New England in early March.  She likes to play video games with them on her Kindle, but I don't like to encourage that.  She sews, and might be able to do that with the older kids.  She also enjoys birds.  

 

We have included her in our poetry teas in the past, which she liked quite a bit.  She would probably also like to do some art projects, if I could keep things from getting overwhelming (which art projects can with five kids).

[Garga]

It'll get harder and harder as the kids get older to stop doing school when MIL visits. If you're like me, school is from 8:30-3:30 (including lunchbreak) each day, so heading off for a field trip when school is done doesn't work.

 

I think you have a lot of good advice for where you are right now. But think to the future. In the future, you probably need to rework your homeschool schedule to do school during the summer so you can afford to take off those weeks during the school year. Your kids might have to start school the first week of August and end it in the middle of June.

 

However, I think it's worth it to have that extended school year so that you can let the kids develop their relationship with their grandmother.

 

Of course, if you're never like me (where school takes up 6 hours of the day), then you can still follow the advice that mornings are for school and afternoons are for field trips.

Edited December 18, 2015 by Garga

[kalusignan]

I am dealing with the same issue. Both sets of grandparents are divorced, so we regularly have visitors, sometimes for extended periods of time since we live a fair distance away. My MIL was just here for 8 days. Like you, I also took the time off from school in the past, but now as my dd8 is getting older, I am remiss to do so. I also like my scheduled breaks to be actual 'breaks' and not playing hostess and tour guide the whole time. Thankfully my MIL was very understanding.

 

What we did this time:

• Continued schoolwork for a few hours in the morning, mainly math and language arts, while my MIL played or entertained my dd3. Having the 2 of them out of sight and out of mind was most important for my dd8 to be able to concentrate. Having grandma around was VERY distracting! I didn't try to do history or science other than listening to SOTW in the car.
• Involved grandma as much as possible. She played some math games, listened to stories, read stories, and did a scheduled art project with dd8. In addition, she took some time to teach dd8 how to use a sewing machine (something I rarely have patience for) and they put together a little quilt.

All in all I think it went well. They had their special time together, and we didn't get 'behind' in schoolwork, so now we can take our break next week for Christmas.

[Squawky Acres]

Thanks again for all of the advice.  I am thinking now that I need to scale back the trips outside of the house during the visit, and focus on memory-building and time with Grandma doing things at home like baking cookies, art projects, reading, and sewing.  The field trips are a lot of fun, but probably contribute to the crazed behaviorally-challenged kids that result from all of that running around all week.  MIL does enjoy sight-seeing while she is out, so we will still do a few trips.

 

I also just thought of a small, finished room we have in the basement with a table and chairs.  I use it for standardized testing, and my husband uses it for teaching the older children Hebrew, but I don't use it much during the day as my 2 and 4-year-old would destroy the house if left alone upstairs.  With MIL here, though, I might be able to do school with the older kids in the "basement office" while she watches the little boys upstairs (reading, doing play-dough, or even playing Angry Birds on her Kindle, which they would love).  We could accomplish things with much greater efficiency, and have a nice separation between home/Grandma and school/no Grandma.

[Seeking Squirrels]

My grandma comes out to visit about every 18 months, so they're not very frequent. Her last visit we were just doing 1st, but we still didn't drop entirely. But that's because of my DD's need for structure. If we threw it all out and played with grandma-great for a week or two, she would be a melt-downy-mess halfway through. It *sounds* fun, but it wouldn't work out that way. We played it a day at a time. One day we'd stay home and do school in the morning then go visit her (she stays with my mom) in the afternoon and evening. The next day we'd all do a field trip together. The next day we'd have a normal day at home and go over for dinner when DH got home. One day my mom would bring her over to our place to visit, usually after we'd already done school (being 1st it was easy to get it done well before lunch) We found plenty of time to spend with grandma, but without everyone getting burned out from a completely overhauled all play and visit schedule. We could see how DD was doing and go from there. We could let her know ahead of time the days that would be totally different.

 

If my kids *didn't* need that and did fine with a big break, I think I would do it differently. If they were older and I was getting worried about getting stuff done, I would plan ahead and see where we could fit it in. No plans until 11? Get in a couple hours in the morning. Does she get tired and crash right after dinner? You could do a lesson before bed. I do think, though, that making sure to spend plenty of time with grandparents is important. Even if it means having school run a couple weeks longer into the summer than you'd planned.

[retiredHSmom]

I grew up seeing my grandparents once a year if I was lucky.  I wanted something different for my children but my husband was in the military.  Which made it hard.  Every January my kids and I went and spent 6 weeks with my MIL at her house and she usually came to visit us once or twice a year for a week or two at a time. I did take school work with us and we generally did math and something else in the morning but from about 11:00 am on we just spent time with her.  We toured all over Northern CA and Washington DC, we went out to lunch, we played games, we shopped.  She passed away five years ago when my children were 16, 13 and 11. I am so glad that we took the time to spend with her. My kids still talk about the fun that we had.

 

I have two in college who are doing very well, the weeks of light schoolwork didn't hurt them at all.

[vonbon]

You've received a lot of good advice.  I appreciate the discussion because I've experienced the exact things you've described and always go through a bit of angst when different visits come up.

 

Some thoughts: 

 

- I view the time my kids have with their grandparents as educational, as they get to hear stories about how life was (growing up as a boy in WWII Europe, growing up in a strict Catholic family with nuns as teachers, making ends meet for the family, what their first jobs were like, etc.)  These rich interactions are meaningful in ways that SOTW (which is amazingly rich and interesting to us) could never be because they're real, vivid, and relevant to our family.  It's hard for me to not be able to "check off the box" that would have normally been completed for that day in regards to lessons, but big-picture-wise, it's much more valuable.  

 

BTW, these discussions and storytelling usually can't be scripted, planned, or scheduled, from my experience.  They tend to take place in off-moments of casual bonding between grandparents and children.  We have to slow down a bit for that mellow interaction to occur (vs. sightseeing / constant activity.)

 

- My mom visited this week (similar to what you've described) and I was torn about missing lessons.  She is a very active extrovert and likes getting out and doing things.  I am an introvert and get a bit worn by all of the energy outflow and interaction, though I love being with her.  Added to the pressure is that she is a retired educator and administrator with an illustrious career and currently sits on her school board, so I stress about what she sees, even though we talk a lot about all of it.  My kids are also different when she's here and, of course, would rather be doing anything with their grandmother than do school.  It's almost a waste of time, stress, and energy to try to accomplish a normal day of school.  It was better for us to be creative about it.  

 

I had printed a "Grandparent Interview" worksheet awhile back and assigned it to my 7-year-old to complete with her grandmother.  I prepped her to set a time with my mom and briefly explained what interviews are all about.  She and my mom met alone (separate from little sister, who doesn't quite understand the interview process yet.)  They had a grand old time and my daughter came away from the hour with a lot greater knowledge of her grandmother while my mom enjoyed telling lots of stories and things about her childhood and life.  This opened to a broader discussion over lunch about each of us as people.  My mom helped her spell and write out her answers, so it wasn't a loss in regards to writing progress that day.

 

Another morning I gave my mom and my younger daughter a checklist to accomplish while I did school with my older daughter.  They had a great time taking care of livestock, wrapping a few presents, and doing some odd chores and stuff around the house that needed doing.  

 

- My grandparents were old by the time I was born and lived halfway across the country and on another continent.  What I wouldn't give now to know just a little more about them as people.  It would help me understand my parents and maybe myself more, I think.  It's very valuable.  It might be a burden on you (sorry), but maybe your children could make up a few lessons in the summer?  I wouldn't stress about "the future"; you might not have a lot of opportunities like these visits left in the big picture of your kids' lives.  It's hard to let the days of schooling go and that's valid, but maybe somehow you can take a long view and strike a balance.  

 

You are being very considerate to all and thinking it out--that's a very great way to love your family.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I don't think you're being unreasonable but like PP said you only have so much time with people who could suddenly be gone, missing a week or so of school every semester will not make a difference to the kids education, missing out on time with grandma..... 

 

[happypamama]

The way I explained it to family is like this: "We absolutely MUST get 180 days of school in, and while field trip days count, we also, especially with older kids, put in a certain amount of time to accomplish a reasonable volume of reading, math, history, etc. There is value in field trips and everything, but I can't say my child has completed algebra if she's only done two thirds of the lessons. However, within those requirements, we have flexibility. We cannot take a twelve week summer break AND three weeks at Christmas AND a week at Thanksgiving AND two weeks at Easter AND all weekends AND birthdays AND a long spring break AND a half day once a week because of our martial arts class AND allow for sick/mental health days and still accomplish any reasonable volume of material, but we can choose some of those. If you can tell me when you'd like me to schedule some time off, I can work with that, but I need to plan a bit in advance so we aren't scrambling at the end." And if you know you'll be planning take certain times off, you can tell that in advance. My parents are semi-retired and spend much of the summer traveling, including frequent trips to my area because they like it here. I have no problem telling them what weeks are good for hanging out with them and what ones aren't, but as I set up our calendar for the school year, I try to let them know what I'm thinking. (They homeschooled my younger siblings, so they get it.)

 

And then I think you have to stick to it. "Grandma, we are doing school from X until Y tomorrow. We would love to have you along for the ride if you'd like -- Janie is really getting proficient at reading and would love to have you be her audience, and Billy would love to practice his math flash cards with you. Or if you'd like to rest, we would love to show you our projects at lunch break. We will be sure to work efficiently so that we can hang out with you in the afternoon." Involve her where you can, and you may need to involve DH in setting boundaries, since it's his mother.

 

But time with Grandma is so important! Especially if her health is failing. I hope you all can find a way to balance time with her and schoolwork time.

[Loesje22000]

My parents come over to stay for a week or longer at least once a year, and don't like it if school continues during their visits.

Our compromis is we school to 10 o clock. I can manage 1-3 subjects in that time. And it is the time my dad needs to get fully dressed up.

 

When we stay at their house the same: we work to 10 o clock and no longer.

[kiwik]

How about; in the morning everyone goes somewhere - field trip, park whatever.  When you get home grandma reads aloud while you sort lunch.  After lunch the old and the young rest for 2 hours and you do maths and language arts with the school age children.  Everyone plays quietly or watches a documentary with Grandma while you have an hour off.  Normal evening routine.

[BooksandBoys]

My mother comes to visit a lot, a total of threeish months of visits a year (I am so spoiled!). Obviously, we school while she's here, and we also school when we take the kids across the country for a long visit with my parents every summer. Typically, I aim to keep their afternoons free for fun with grandma, so we school in the morning, but that's really not different from our usual schedule anyway. As they get older, and school requires more time instead of just me wanting to give them more enrichment when it works for our schedule, we'll adjust. Perhaps in days that she wants to take them to the pool in the afternoon, they'll do some school in the evenings? We'll see, but we'll figure it out. When I was 9, homeschooling allowed me to spend a six month period living with my very ailing grandma who was a 20 minute bike ride away from my home. I rode home every morning for an hour or so of lessons, then took my schoolwork back to her house, where I spent the night. I'm so grateful that my mother figured out how to let me be with my grandma and still do school. She died that summer, but I've treasured that time all my life. I'm so thankful that I was homeschooled and could be with my grandma so much that year.

 

My in-laws visit for at least 1, sometimes 2 weeks during the school year. To date, I've assigned vacation around their visits, as you did, OP, only doing schoolwork when I became clear the my routine-oriented elder needed to sit down with a math book or go crazy. This year, I'm not feeling it. I too want our school vacations to be vacations for me as well (the house needs to be reorganized after all), so I'll be schooling during their next visit, but just skills. We'll do math, grammar, composition, handwriting, and reading. If I hold them to only one math lesson instead of the 3-4 they prefer to do, we should be able to do school in about an hour. I'll count the field trips, projects, and read-alouds by the grandparents as the content that week. I'll also pull out the car schooling method on the days we have a long drive his our activity.

[kbutton]

I don't know how your kids handle bundling up work to take someplace else, but consider some library trips. My kids get more done at the library sometimes because they are forced to be quiet, and there is not as much to distract them. Maybe you can build in some library trips--bundle up some portable work, and then Grandma can sit in a quiet corner with the kids 1:1 to read or whatever while the others work--they can take turns with grandma. Our library has an early childhood area stocked with learning toys, magazines, etc. It's a great place to have school and some fun when the child has done what's been asked.

 

 

[Butter]

Your kids are still very little.  IMO and E it is much more important to have a wonderful relationship with close relatives than make sure you do school every single day.  Especially at such young ages.  When my daughter was 10 or 11 my uncle was very sick.  Ani spent quite a lot of time in PA with him and my mom (my uncle never married, no children).  I demanded she do schoolwork while there.  If I had to go back, I'd definitely not do that.  She learned incredible amounts practically living in hospitals and rehab centers.  Her relationship with her grandmother and uncle was, in the eternal perspective, extremely important.  I'd just rearrange school for those few days.  One day she will be gone and you might regret not doing that.  My FIL died 10 years ago this month.  I grew up without one set of grandparents (killed in a car accident when my mom was 15).  My uncle died a year ago in April.  I can't stress how important family is and how much more you (I) seem to get that when they are gone.  Even with kids as old as mine, my older two (14 and 15, 8th and 11th grade) completed at ATA Fall Nationals in October.  They were gone 6 school days.  We just rearranged school a bit, no biggie.  We will likely do it again in the spring for Spring Nationals, too.  It means we did a heavier load a couple days before and a few days after.  Sometimes doing that is worth it and I'd say a grandparent coming to visit, even if she comes a few times a year, IS worth it.  (And I am one who rarely lets things interrupt school.  I've just learned over the many years of homeschooling that relaxing a little big is a good thing.)

[Jennifer132]

With the ages that your children are, I feel you have the time to take it off. My mother comes twice a year for 3 to 4 weeks at a time and we take it off. My mother in law comes several times a year for a few days at a time and we take it off. I have one in 5th, one in 4th and a kindergartener and two littles.

 

That being said, I'm sure she can do all the day trips with them and still do school. Surely you can finish it in the morning, especially with her there to watch your little children while you school?

 

You certainly have the right to continue to do school while she's there. For me, I feel like that is such a precious time for my children I hate for them to miss out on grandma just for a few lessons. Or just keep up with the most important subject (for instance, math). My mother just recently beat cancer, so maybe that colors my decision making too, knowing she may not be here forever.

[Squawky Acres]

Oh -- the library is a good idea!  We live three minutes from our library, so that might be a place to take the older kids to do some concentrated work for a short period of time.  I get so self-conscious being observed when we are doing school, and then the kids get all silly and start performing . . . 

 

I really appreciate all of the comments about allowing the kids to have this precious time with their grandmother.  It is so kind of her to make a long flight out to build relationships with them.  Apparently, when she gets back home, it is all she talks about for months.  

[Rockhopper]

Lots of good advice. I'd side with those encouraging relationship over making sure school gets done with kids not yet in high school. The one idea I did want to suggest that I hadn't seen yet is working with your school-age kids for a bit in the evening, after littles are asleep and dh is spending time with mil. Also giving them a checklist for some things, like readers, that they can do on their own in quiet bits of the day.

[idnib]

Your kids are so young!

 

I think I would prioritize spending time with grandma but each visit transition away from being as flexible with her. So maybe this time you insist on an hour of schoolwork each morning before anything else, next visit 2 hours, or whatever. I don't think you need to draw a hard line in the sand, just gradually move towards being more stringent over time. If you suddenly try to keep all the schoolwork the same when she arrives it's going to be difficult and possibly awkward for everyone.

 

I love the family connection my kids have from extended visits. Grandparents are so important and time with them is precious. It's so nice of her to come all that way.

Edited December 20, 2015 by idnib

[Squawky Acres]

I like the idea of a gradual transition, rather than an abrupt change.

[lea_lpz]

So your school age kids are 6, 7, 8? You do have a lot of littles so I can see how being consistent is important. I can honestly see both perspectives. On the one hand they are young and doing a lot of hands on learning could be fun for them but at the same time wanting to set some boundaries about how frequent / long visits are as well as doing school verses not going places all the time.

 

If it were me I would probably attempt to still do school and plan one field trip outing for the week and see how it goes. You can always change your mind and do what works under the circumstances.

 

Does she need to visit so frequently / long? Could you discuss that she visit for longer periods only on expected school breaks?

[Squawky Acres]

Does she need to visit so frequently / long? Could you discuss that she visit for longer periods only on expected school breaks?

 

Well . . . that is the issue.  Personally, I feel it is a little bit long for two such visits during the school year, and then another one during our summer vacation.  But then again, relationships take time, and I can see how this is important time with their grandmother.  For now, I am just trying to minimize the impact on our school year.

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 28, 2015 by w11

[VorLady]

Well . . . that is the issue.  Personally, I feel it is a little bit long for two such visits during the school year, and then another one during our summer vacation.  But then again, relationships take time, and I can see how this is important time with their grandmother.  For now, I am just trying to minimize the impact on our school year.

 

 

Does your husband take time off his job when she visits? Be careful about the message you're sending your kids! "Oh, daddy has to work because his job is important but school isn't important. What Mommy does with us doesn't matter / isn't real". 

 

It's wonderful that she wants to visit and make relationships with your children but make sure your children see that she respects you and what you do. The flexibility we have with homeschooling is wonderful but at the end of the day it's still a big responsibility. If you show your kids by your actions that school is not important, then why should they take it seriously? Does she respect your homeschooling, or does she think the kids should be in a "real" school? (Oh and be super careful about what she says to your kids if that's the case, I remember plenty of behind-mom's-back comments from my own grandparents growing up because some of them didn't approve of her homeschooling us.)

[Squawky Acres]

Does your husband take time off his job when she visits? Be careful about the message you're sending your kids! "Oh, daddy has to work because his job is important but school isn't important. What Mommy does with us doesn't matter / isn't real". 

 

It's wonderful that she wants to visit and make relationships with your children but make sure your children see that she respects you and what you do. The flexibility we have with homeschooling is wonderful but at the end of the day it's still a big responsibility. If you show your kids by your actions that school is not important, then why should they take it seriously? Does she respect your homeschooling, or does she think the kids should be in a "real" school? (Oh and be super careful about what she says to your kids if that's the case, I remember plenty of behind-mom's-back comments from my own grandparents growing up because some of them didn't approve of her homeschooling us.)

 

My husband does not take time off from his job, but is around a fair bit during the day as he works from home.  He does have a very separate office in another section of the house, so his work is not disturbed by the visit.  And I do think a fair bit of the excitement around Grandma's visits is due to the vacationing, day-tripping nature of her visits -- no school, go to the zoo and children's museum, eat at the American Girl Cafe, play video games on her Kindle!  It is getting out of hand, and I know I set up this situation by trying to make things special for the kids and MIL.  

 

This visit, my hope is to include her more in our daily life, and maintain at least part of a school schedule in the mornings.

Edited December 23, 2015 by Squawky Acres

[Shellydon]

Your kids are very young.  I would take the time off.