WWYD? Drug related

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Turning him in? What?

Flush it. No need for him to get a criminal possession charge.

[SKL]

I wouldn't argue with him about whether it's his or not.  I'd just say that having mj in the house is a crime and a rule violation that he personally committed, and since there is no easy way to tell who was planning on using it, he was going to be treated as if he was.  Possession and all that.  I would let him know that no part of your house is his to stash stuff or do stuff you would not knowingly allow.  I might get temporarily militant about how he keeps his room and maybe reduce his privacy for a while, but I wouldn't take that too far over this incident.

 

I might require him to do some research and produce a report on the negative side effects of mj use.

 

Not sure what I'd do with the stuff - maybe flush it down the toilet?

 

ETA:  sorry, I see you learned a lot more from your son.  I still think he needs to study up on the negative side effects.

[lllll]

nm

[TammyS]

Turning him in? What?

Flush it. No need for him to get a criminal possession charge.

 

While I probably wouldn't turn him in, this time, it is worth consideration of the fact that she is destroying evidence of a crime by getting rid of it.  Because I wouldn't want him to have a criminal record, I wouldn't turn him in this time, but he does, in fact deserve a criminal record, because he committed a crime.  And I would make sure that he KNOWS that this is the one and only pass he will ever get, and that next time I will tell the police what I found BEFORE I tell him.  Because a criminal record is easier to live with than death, which is where this road leads.

[gardenmom5]

While I probably wouldn't turn him in, this time, it is worth consideration of the fact that she is destroying evidence of a crime by getting rid of it.  Because I wouldn't want him to have a criminal record, I wouldn't turn him in this time, but he does, in fact deserve a criminal record, because he committed a crime.  And I would make sure that he KNOWS that this is the one and only pass he will ever get, and that next time I will tell the police what I found BEFORE I tell him.  Because a criminal record is easier to live with than death, which is where this road leads.

 

or worse - killing someone else because of reckless driving.  (and traffic deaths are up in CO.)

 

I've a friend whose son was killed.  the driver was jailed because he was stoned when he committed vehicular homocide.  she did go see him - and told him he owes it to her son to clean up his life.

 

my mother covered up my brothers crimes.  it didn't help him - it enabled him.

[gardenmom5]

Turning him in? What?

Flush it. No need for him to get a criminal possession charge.

 

I said I would consider it. *this time*.   it really depends upon how much he's willing to learn AND CHANGE.  *if* there's a next time, I would turn him in because he needs to realize how serious it is, and that he is endangering other people. INCLUDING YOUNGER SIBLINGS.

 

My mother enabled my brother (I won't go into details.) - it did him NO favors, and was a horrid example of weakness to me. AND it endangered our home and family.  as I said - my brother didn't just use - he dealt.  out of our house.

that he eventually cleaned up his act was completely irrespective of our mother.

[gardenmom5]

My dh and I have had an interesting talk related to this thread...  

 

In light of some situations that have come up with friends in our lives and the fact that pot has been legalized in our state (and our homestate!), he has followed the story to a much greater degree than I have.  He made a couple of points that I thought you might want to hear.

 

First, the age is an issue.  A friend who is a counselor who deals with addictions (especially alcoholism) told me that the longer you defer the experience with the substance (pot, alcohol) or experience (gaming, sex, gambling), the less likely you are to become addicted.   Eg., if you don't drink until you are 25, you are farrrrrrrr less likely to become an alcoholic than if you start at 15.  Give your brain time to get established.

 

Second, when you read the scientific studies about how pot affects the brain, be aware that the pot of "then" is not the pot of "now."  The pot of "now" has been hybridized to provide a much more hallucinogenic experience than the pot of "then."  In addition, pot is often adulterated with other substances which increase its potency.  You remember the old ad, "This is not your father's Oldsmobile!."?  Well, this is not your father's pot.  

 

Lastly, in your location, pot is illegal.  Besides all the family ramifications of this, it is also not a good thing that he is in contact with people who are involved in underground activities.  That's a caution.

 

My dh would be so much better than I at dealing with this situation.  I'm much more likely to run around with my hands in the air, and he is a much better listener.  He said that having good and true and honest discussion with your son is a good road...keep the trust between you--tell the truth--and live into the relationship rather than shutting it off.  God be with you.  :0)  (Soooo many parents I know are dealing with things they / we never thought we would had to...parenting is not for wimps...)

 

 

:iagree:

 

:glare: I. can't. like. this. :glare:

[ChocolateReignRemix]

While I probably wouldn't turn him in, this time, it is worth consideration of the fact that she is destroying evidence of a crime by getting rid of it.  Because I wouldn't want him to have a criminal record, I wouldn't turn him in this time, but he does, in fact deserve a criminal record, because he committed a crime.  And I would make sure that he KNOWS that this is the one and only pass he will ever get, and that next time I will tell the police what I found BEFORE I tell him.  Because a criminal record is easier to live with than death, which is where this road leads.

 

Actually flushing the weed doesn't meet the legal definition of destroying evidence of a crime. 

 

A kid with a bag of weed in his closet doesn't deserve a criminal record any more than a kid who is found with a 6 pack of beer.

 

And no, simply having some weed as a teen isn't a road that leads to death.  (I say this as a parent who has never smoked marijuana and my kids have never tried it as far as I know.)

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I said I would consider it. *this time*.   it really depends upon how much he's willing to learn AND CHANGE.  *if* there's a next time, I would turn him in because he needs to realize how serious it is, and that he is endangering other people. INCLUDING YOUNGER SIBLINGS.

 

My mother enabled my brother (I won't go into details.) - it did him NO favors, and was a horrid example of weakness to me. AND it endangered our home and family.  as I said - my brother didn't just use - he dealt.  out of our house.

that he eventually cleaned up his act was completely irrespective of our mother.

 

There is a tremendous gap between not taking your child to the police for trying marijuana and what you are describing that I don't think we can ever have a meeting of the minds on this topic.

[SKL]

I would not turn my kid in for something that minor.  If flushing the weed made me a criminal, I'd "turn a blind eye" to my kid flushing it or otherwise permanently disposing of it.  (Can't think of a better way than flushing, but maybe I'm not creative enough.)

 

Until it is proven that kids statistically come out of criminal prosecutions better than they were before, I would rather keep control of the situation within the family / trusted counselors.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I would not turn my kid in for something that minor.  If flushing the weed made me a criminal, I'd "turn a blind eye" to my kid flushing it or otherwise permanently disposing of it.  (Can't think of a better way than flushing, but maybe I'm not creative enough.)

 

Until it is proven that kids statistically come out of criminal prosecutions better than they were before, I would rather keep control of the situation within the family / trusted counselors.

 

Well we know we can't burn it. :)

 

And destroying it doesn't make you a criminal.  Concealing/destroying evidence is only a crime if it interferes with an ongoing investigation or prosecution (and in some cases it can apply in civil judicial matters as well).

[regentrude]

While I probably wouldn't turn him in, this time, it is worth consideration of the fact that she is destroying evidence of a crime by getting rid of it.  Because I wouldn't want him to have a criminal record, I wouldn't turn him in this time, but he does, in fact deserve a criminal record, because he committed a crime.  And I would make sure that he KNOWS that this is the one and only pass he will ever get, and that next time I will tell the police what I found BEFORE I tell him.  Because a criminal record is easier to live with than death, which is where this road leads.

 

I have not seen any evidence that sending addicts to jail helps them to overcome their addiction. On the contrary.

This is one area where the war on drugs is an epic fail.

 

I would send my kid to rehab, move to a different city if necessary - anything but involve police. Because a jail sentence for possession is the quickest way to get really addicted to drugs.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I have not seen any evidence that sending addicts to jail helps them to overcome their addiction. On the contrary.

This is one area where the war on drugs is an epic fail.

 

I would send my kid to rehab, move to a different city if necessary - anything but involve police. Because a jail sentence for possession is the quickest way to get really addicted to drugs.

 

+1

 

Jail aside, a criminal prosecution for drugs can also limit access to financial aid and harm future job prospects.  Jail time + lack of future prospects = greater likelihood of drug abuse in the future.

 

[MBM]

I am not certain but your son sounds like he is feeling anxious and maybe doesn't have anyone to talk to who could reassure him and help him develop a more helpful, optimistic perspective and healthier ways to cope. He may also be trying to fit in with or *impress* the new friends. I think you also have to make sure your son is not using other substances like cough syrup and not dealing to others.

 

You could have your son read how marijuana and other drugs affect his body. It doesn't hurt for parents to know this, too. Marijuana does have benefits but it also has drawbacks. He needs to understand what different drugs can do to his body. A good book for this is Buzzed: The Straight Facts About the Most Used and Abused Drugs from Alcohol to Ecstasy.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Buzzed-Straight-Alcohol-Ecstasy-Revised/dp/0393344517/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

 

Good luck. It's not always easy dealing with teens, that's for sure.

[gardenmom5]

There is a tremendous gap between not taking your child to the police for trying marijuana and what you are describing that I don't think we can ever have a meeting of the minds on this topic.

 

and my brother repeatedly told her he was "just using it".  he lied, repeatedly.  she bought the lie because she didn't want to deal with the reality.  

[regentrude]

I would not turn my kid in for something that minor.  If flushing the weed made me a criminal, I'd "turn a blind eye" to my kid flushing it or otherwise permanently disposing of it.  (Can't think of a better way than flushing, but maybe I'm not creative enough.)

 

You can compost it. That's what I do with weeds.

[pinkmint]

I smoked weed extensively in my teen to early adult years. For me it lead to the worst, most hardcore illegal drugs, and the kind life that goes along with it. I can't say that I got my act together, because I give all the credit to Jesus. I would not be here on this thread if things had played out the way they do for most people who were where I was. And even though I lead a relatively normal life now, there have been consequences that linger on. 

 

All that to say, weed is not always as harmless as some people think. And I haven't smoked in 15 years, but even then the stuff that I used was very hybridized with crystals on it etc. sometimes a very strong and overwhelming high. I don't know how people can do most normal life things while smoking it. 

 

I did get caught when I was a teen while I was in between homes living with my dad and step mom. They just took my weed, yelled at me a little and sort of ignored me. It did nothing to stop me. 

[SKL]

You can compost it. That's what I do with weeds.

 

OK but wouldn't that make it easier for it to be found later, either by the cops or by someone who wanted to use it?

 

[regentrude]

OK but wouldn't that make it easier for it to be found later, either by the cops or by someone who wanted to use it?

 

 

I guess you don't actually have a compost heap?

Whatever is in there is mixed with egg shells, banana peel, coffee grinds, dirt, leaves, grass clippings, potato peel...

I cannot imagine anybody digging through the heap to retrieve weed, and I doubt it will be in any usable form after a few days of rotting in a high microbe environment.

 

[mamaofgirls]

Our local Family Dollar has $1 Marajana tests, not sure how well they work but maybe you could randomly test him. Let him know you plan to do this and let him know the consiquince if he fails.

 

Maybe for a consequnce he needs to learn how to use his time better - volunteer for so many hours the first time, more for the second, ect... He could help an older family member paint their house, clear brush, yard work, or try a soup kitchen, humane society.. local hospitals and nursing homes have opportunities too.  I do not think turning him in is something that needs to be done right now.

[mamaofgirls]

You can compost it. That's what I do with weeds.

 

Am I the only one worried they might have a 10' tall pot plant growing in their yard?! If he just had the cheap stuff there are seeds... they do grow :lol: I also would flush it..

[Spryte]

I have not seen any evidence that sending addicts to jail helps them to overcome their addiction. On the contrary.

This is one area where the war on drugs is an epic fail.

 

I would send my kid to rehab, move to a different city if necessary - anything but involve police. Because a jail sentence for possession is the quickest way to get really addicted to drugs.

 

+2.  

[raptor_dad]

All the disposal comments are weird to me... we are talking about a few grams, <4g, of pot here right...  a few tablespoons. Dump it in the trash after mixing with your coffee grounds, dump it in a coke can and throw it out in the trash at the gas station. It isn't going to be smokable after it is contaminated.

 

If he has more than a few grams say 8g or 1/4oz, you need to be asking more pointed question about usage and where the money was coming from and whether he has a serious habit or whether he is supplying it to others.

 

[kewb]

It was one little bag. Disposal has been taken care of.

[creekland]

Am I the only one worried they might have a 10' tall pot plant growing in their yard?! If he just had the cheap stuff there are seeds... they do grow :lol: I also would flush it..

 

You brought back some memories... ;)

 

We were clearing weeds next to our barn one year and I came across this one fairly tall one mixed in that had 5 leaves to it.  I'd never seen live mj before, but I had an idea of what it looked like and called hubby over for his thoughts.  His experience matched mine - maybe, but not sure.  Our neighbor drove by and we asked her.  Same deal.  Maybe, but not sure.  Google gave us the answer :lol: , but where did it come from???  I should probably leave out the suggestion from hubby to see how much I could get for it at school (100% a joke).

 

There seem to be two options of where it came from.  One... a farmer told us growers often plant these things within corn crops to avoid detection.  Some seeds could have blown in and settled next to our barn.  Two... a friend who visited once told us he and his friends used to enjoy life in the house next to ours and often tended their crops within weeds, etc.  This was not current, but who knows if someone more current had the same idea.

 

Either way... it was a nice looking plant more or less right out in the open - hidden in plain sight.  Good thing we don't get law enforcement down our road!

 

Disposal?  On the burn pile with the other weeds.  We just didn't stand around while it burned!  :coolgleamA:  And now we watch that area far more closely rather than letting weeds get waist high... We've put more suitable plants in too.

[creekland]

Plant :lol: or dried :grouphug: ?

[dollhouse]

I don't think it really matters whether he's lying or not. Legally, it's in his possession, which is against the law. If it wasn't his, it's foolish for him to put himself at risk to hold it for a friend. So I'd approach it from the standpoint of, "either way, you're showing really poor judgment, and you've breeched our trust."

[idnib]

There's a reason it's called weed. :lol:

 

That stuff grows wild all over the place. I think DH found some once near some train tracks in Indiana. Here's an article in the NY Times about finding it growing in a sidewalk crack in Brooklyn.

 

I agree composting could lead to some interesting results.

[Guest]

Ugh, am I the only one more concerned about the lying than the pot? The pot is a big deal, but concealing it and then passing off the use as stress related are both big red flags. If the latter is true, and it might be, he needs to learn some more healthy coping mechanisms before any serious damage is done.

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope you can work through it as a family and you are stronger for it by the end. This could be a great opportunity to really sit down and talk through the Big Life Stuff with him, and keep that relationship healthy and communication open. There may or may not need to be legal consequences - that works better on some kids than others and you know your son best - but there has to be some work done to help him find a better way to handle his body and time than trashing it with weed.

[Katy]

Well now, this thread is timely. Guess what I found this evening?

 

Oh no!

[kewb]

Well now, this thread is timely. Guess what I found this evening?

Perhaps we should start a support group.

[idnib]

Yeah. This hasn't been a fun night. And we aren't done yet...

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

Well now, this thread is timely. Guess what I found this evening?

Oh no! Karen, I am so sorry. :grouphug:

[melmichigan]

Yeah. This hasn't been a fun night. And we aren't done yet...

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

I have not seen any evidence that sending addicts to jail helps them to overcome their addiction. On the contrary.

This is one area where the war on drugs is an epic fail.

 

I would send my kid to rehab, move to a different city if necessary - anything but involve police. Because a jail sentence for possession is the quickest way to get really addicted to drugs.

 

+3 and more!

[elegantlion]

Yeah. This hasn't been a fun night. And we aren't done yet...

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Donna]

I don't think using mj is the end of the world but sneaking around and lying plus the possible consequences if caught by someone other than a parent can be a big deal. 

 

If I caught one of my boys using, I would take their cell phones (how long would depend), limit contact with friends (after an initial grounding) to in my home where I can see them, require a report on the consequences of using, and test them every 6-8 weeks (not quite sure how long it takes to leave their system but within an amount of time that would let me know they were not still using but I don't think those tests are very expensive and they are easy to purchase at a drug store), and if it were for "stress relief," get counseling to teach him how to deal with stress in a healthier way. I also might take them to an AA meeting so they can see and hear about real lives affected by using drugs. 

 

I can believe there is a lot more going on in my kids' brains/lives than they might want to share with me, even though I think we have a close relationship, so having someone other than me to talk to might be a good idea.

[creekland]

Yeah. This hasn't been a fun night. And we aren't done yet...

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry - for all in this situation, esp you and the OP.  :grouphug:

[Laurie4b]

Yeah, when my sister was a teen and I in my 20s, I found vodka and whiskey in her record  (yeah, we're old)cabinet. I told my dad. She told him was a friend's who had left it there and she forgot about it (in her record cabinet!) . I was   :001_rolleyes:  My dad believed her.  :001_rolleyes:

 

Highly unlikely story of your son's there. I would do the drug test whether he fesses up or not. I wouldn't call the other kid's parents until you find out if your son is using because you might approach it entirely differently.

 

 

[Joanne]

I have not seen any evidence that sending addicts to jail helps them to overcome their addiction. On the contrary.

This is one area where the war on drugs is an epic fail.

 

I would send my kid to rehab, move to a different city if necessary - anything but involve police. Because a jail sentence for possession is the quickest way to get really addicted to drugs.

 

 

Although jail =/= linear path to addiction, I agree that the criminal justice system is an epic fail in terms of addressing drug issues and emerging/developing drug issues. Particularly for minor drugs.

 

The impact on *life* for POM charges is absurd for the "crime."

 

 

[Annie G]

Yeah. This hasn't been a fun night. And we aren't done yet...

 

 

:grouphug: To you, the OP, and anyone else who might be going through this but doesn't want to post about it. 

[mamiof5]

Well now, this thread is timely. Guess what I found this evening?

No way!!! Sorry you are going through this as well :(

[Suzanne in ABQ]

It sounds like counseling is definitely in order.  If your son really is so stressed that he's self-medicating, he needs counseling to learn healthier ways to deal with that stress.

 

If he's using for any other reason, he needs counseling to learn to see the reality of his situation.

 

I also agree that random drug testing should be part of the plan -- different types of tests, different times of day, different intervals between tests.

 

I have a 17yo son, and this hasn't been an issue, but he is smooth enough that he would act just like your son (kewb).  He says drugs and alcohol are stupid, and he's made a pact with cousin not to even try them, but I'm not thoroughly convinced that he never will.  He'll be 18 in a month.  I'm not looking forward to figuring out how to parent an "adult".

 

Oh, and about the legal thing.  If an illegal substance is found in your house, it is YOUR responsibility, not your son's.  My dh has a top secret clearance, and he has made it very clear that any illegal activity in our home will lead to him losing that clearance, thereby losing our livelihood.  Serious stuff.

 

Kinsa, I'm sorry you're going through this as well.

[waa510]

As the sibling of a prolific pot user, the "holding it for a friend" is the oldest lie in the book. I'm really not trying to hurt you by saying this as I think you need to know that it's a classic and that he's likely using, so you can get him help if needed. Have you talked to him about how you feel about his having friends who use?? While I dated guys who smoked, and my brother did, I did not but people sure assumed I did. This caused a lot of frustration for me as a teen. I'm not so sure that I'd be as upset about the actual use than I would be at the lying and hiding it. Have you talked to him about how you feel about pot use? 

[gardenmom5]

I guess you don't actually have a compost heap?

Whatever is in there is mixed with egg shells, banana peel, coffee grinds, dirt, leaves, grass clippings, potato peel...

I cannot imagine anybody digging through the heap to retrieve weed, and I doubt it will be in any usable form after a few days of rotting in a high microbe environment.

 

 

especially if you soak it down on a hot day  . . . .does wonders for speeding things up.  I also throw slugs into my compose heap.  let them do something useful . . . .

[Guest]

(((Kinsa)))

[SharonM]

FWIW I held on to stuff... hid it in my locker etc. I wanted to have friends and the only ones who would be friends with me asked me to do stuff like that. I never got caught. But, I never used, or smoked or drank... just saying. I don't do that now :-)

[Katy]

You brought back some memories... ;)

 

We were clearing weeds next to our barn one year and I came across this one fairly tall one mixed in that had 5 leaves to it.  I'd never seen live mj before, but I had an idea of what it looked like and called hubby over for his thoughts.  His experience matched mine - maybe, but not sure.  Our neighbor drove by and we asked her.  Same deal.  Maybe, but not sure.  Google gave us the answer :lol: , but where did it come from???  I should probably leave out the suggestion from hubby to see how much I could get for it at school (100% a joke).

 

There seem to be two options of where it came from.  One... a farmer told us growers often plant these things within corn crops to avoid detection.  Some seeds could have blown in and settled next to our barn.  Two... a friend who visited once told us he and his friends used to enjoy life in the house next to ours and often tended their crops within weeds, etc.  This was not current, but who knows if someone more current had the same idea.

 

Either way... it was a nice looking plant more or less right out in the open - hidden in plain sight.  Good thing we don't get law enforcement down our road!

 

Disposal?  On the burn pile with the other weeds.  We just didn't stand around while it burned!  :coolgleamA:  And now we watch that area far more closely rather than letting weeds get waist high... We've put more suitable plants in too.

 

It grows wild many places, but especially in the midwest because it was grown extensively during WWII for fibers.

[lllll]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:   Kinsa and OP 

[Joanne]

Yeah, the lying would actually bother me as much or more than the pot itself.  If he's thinking it's fine to lie to the people who care about you most in all the world, then that can potentially open the door for all kinds of other things - assuming he gets away with the lying. 

 

 

To be fair to this child and the millions like him, in the absence of an axis 2 disorder, no one "thinks it is fine to lie to the people who care about you most in the world."