Slipper Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Dear Hive, I need some good, solid advice. I do not want marriage advice, I'm looking for something that will help ME. Please do not quote as I'm putting some personal information out that I'd rather delete later on. I'm about to turn 45 years old and we've been married for 18 years. We're still happily together and have no plans of changing our marital situation. We grew up in very different circumstances. I started raking yards when I was 12 years old and have worked full-time (and sometimes more than one job) until about 10 years ago. DH grew up an only child (and only grand-child) and was spoiled rotten. His mother was spoiled also. He started working after graduating from a 2 year college and has worked steadily (although sporadically with frequent job changes) until about two years ago. We have three children - our oldest is 15 years old and severely disabled. She needs help with bathing, dressing and so on. Our middle is 14 years old and hoping to go to a public boarding school specializing in science/math in about two years. She has Celiac Disease. Our youngest has had significant anxiety issues (that seem to be getting better) and she's 10 years old. Our oldest goes to public school but the other two are educated at home. Three years ago, DH's grandmother died and left a sizable trust to both DH and another trust to our girls. The money for the girls was meant to help with education expenses and also for long-term care for our oldest. I have been so grateful for that money. It enables us to have great extra-curriculars as well as much-needed help with our oldest. We use little of the trust money for the girls and so far, the interest is more than what we spend. DH's trust is another story. When he quit working, we relied on his trust completely for all expenses. I should add that DH has no comprehension of money matters. He's completely floundering at the moment. He agrees that he should get a job but limits himself by placing barriers in his way. He doesn't want one where he needs to travel or that doesn't pay a certain amount and so forth. He gardens and raises goats and chickens. He also helps around the house and recently has started helping with some of the trickier subjects (math/science). At the rate we're going, our money will be gone in about four more years. We have a great financial manager, but he can't work magic. He was the person managing the money for DH's grandmother before she passed and we've continued to use him. For many reasons, I've recently started thinking about going back to school. I have my bachelor's degree, but it's 20 years old. My grades were good. Also, I really want to get out of the house more than I currently do. I need outside interests. Although I'm happy in our marriage, I also feel like a financial hostage. The trust is in his name. I can't call and request a transfer because I'm not on the trust. I need to constantly ask for money. (I want to add that he always gives it to me and is very generous. I also ask for just cash for spending as I need it and he hasn't a problem with that either. I have a problem with being so dependent.) How hard is it to go back to school? I realize it's expensive, but we can afford it. I know it will take extra time, but frankly I think he would be so relieved that I have a plan that he wouldn't have a problem taking over many of our household chores and childcare routines completely. Is my bachelor's degree even good anymore? Will I have to re-do the degree? Also, I need to take the GRE. What is the test like? Thanks for listening and for the suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Yes it is possible. No, I don't know anything else about your system or what you should study. :p Since you have a little spare money for the moment, you might buy the Cashflow for Kids game and play it as a family, then when you're all bored of it, upgrade to the adult level game. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 It sounds like your dh should not be the one in charge of financial matters. if he would be content to be a house husband and periodically work on the side - would you be happy as the breadwinner? you can do community college for an AA, (and transfer to a four-year if you want the bachelors) there are many fields that don't require a four year degree where you can make a decent income. e.g. dental hygienist. there was a middle age woman in dd's pharmD program. a niece's boyfriend's mother went to medical school while they were in jr. high. she was doing her residence when they were in high school. how hard it is depends upon where you go, and what you want to study. have you given thought to what direction you'd like to go? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Absolutely yes! I will be 44 in about a month, and just started back to school in August. Like you, I have a 20+ year old degree. I am going back due to a chronic health diagnosis where I will need to be the primary breadwinner. I am taking pre-reqs for a nursing degree at our local community college, but in ~ 3.5 years, I will have my RN and will be able to support our family. You can totally do this! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 Yes it is possible. No, I don't know anything else about your system or what you should study. :p Since you have a little spare money for the moment, you might buy the Cashflow for Kids game and play it as a family, then when you're all bored of it, upgrade to the adult level game. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm thinking of counseling. I double-majored in sociology and psychology in college. There's a University fifteen minutes away that offers a Master's Degree in Counseling. The town I live in has zero counselors (other than school counselors) and we're in a state with horrible mental health services and long wait times for appointments. Something in that field is the only thing I think I could do well and still earn a decent living. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I assumed you meant high school and was going to suggest you do it on line. Heaps of people go back to tertiary studies when they are older and wiser. Provided you can fund it and manage the workload and the kids (i studied 13 hours a day during my honours year) go for it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Ivy Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Absolutely! My mom finally completed her bachelors and Masters in education this past summer. She is 56. Another teacher at my school did not go to school until her kids were grown and married. I also had several college friends who were in their 40s. Not sure on the degree portion, but if you were to call a university you were interested in, I'm sure they'd put you in contact with an advisor to help figure out more of the details of your 20-year-old degree and what else needs to be done. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 It sounds like your dh should not be the one in charge of financial matters. if he would be content to be a house husband and periodically work on the side - would you be happy as the breadwinner? you can do community college for an AA, (and transfer to a four-year if you want the bachelors) there are many fields that don't require a four year degree where you can make a decent income. e.g. dental hygienist. there was a middle age woman in dd's pharmD program. a niece's boyfriend's mother went to medical school while they were in jr. high. she was doing her residence when they were in high school. how hard it is depends upon where you go, and what you want to study. have you given thought to what direction you'd like to go? Unfortunately, he is the one in charge of finances for the most part. I ask for a set amount each month to cover bills (which I pay) and then ask for more if it's needed for medical appointments or repair work and such. The problem comes when something comes along that he wants to do or feels like he needs to do. He is VERY good at computer stuff and teaches a class for high school drop outs once a week. He gets paid $35 an hour (for two hours weekly). However, he bought $10,000 worth of computers to teach the class. Yes, I would be happy as the breadwinner. I want to go into counseling but I'm not sure if my bachelor's degree is still valid or if I would need to re-take classes. I've thought about two year degrees, but none of them really appeals to me. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I'm doing it. It sucks. With older children it might be different, but I have a gazillion small people needing me and a husband working crazy hours, so school has been really inconvenient. Money and a little time makes it doable. But maybe it's just my horrendous professor coloring my opinion - it's awful right now. You sound like you're in a much better position to be attending than me, and I'm managing. If I can do it, pretty much anyone can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Yes, it's very possible and doable. I waited until kids had left even though I had gotten in some extra classes when he was a preschooler. A BA or BS is always honored provided it is from an accredited institution. If you want to get a MA or MS in your field, you may have to take an extra class if regulations have changed or it's a fast moving field but you should be able to get into a program. You can buy study books for the GRE. Google universities Master's Programs that do not require the GRE. There are a quite a few out there - online as well. I think I have a list saved. PM me if you want me to email it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 It is very possible. Even more so if you have a non-working spouse can help run things at home. I'm back in school full time, working part-time, and running teens all over the country side. It is exhausting, but satisfying. Your bachelor's gives you a big leg up. Credits can carry, even from 20 years ago. You may have to take some classes over to update for your new major or Master's program, but the general ed stuff should still be good. (I have credits from 20 years ago that are still usable). Good luck! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 School is great as an adult! I don't want to rain on your parade, but counseling jobs are few and far between, and most require at least a master's degree. I recommend a degree in nursing, then if you are still interested in counseling, get a master's. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I am a college instructor, and I have older students every semester who go to college for the first time in their 40s. It is hard for them to juggle family, job and school, but most are successful, because they are very motivated and mature. You've been to college successfully - so going back for grad school is absolutely feasible. Good luck! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithful_Steward Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You could do a master's degree in school counseling. :) I have a family member that was a guidance counselor before she became a principal and she made better money as a counselor. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You have a bachelor's degree. That doesn't disappear. If you wanted to go into a science-related field, such as nursing or something, it's likely that you would need to retake some courses to make sure that you're current, but you don't have to re-do a hachelor's degree, just like you don't have to redo a high school degree. What field are you thinking about? I would check into whatever graduate program you are interested in at a local university and see where you might need to update, etc. from them. I am back taking one foreign language course but I think it is much easier now than when I was in college. I am old enough to have given birth to everyone in the class including the instructor :) but the big difference is that I am taking the course for a reason, and have adult skills at prioritizing, time management. etc. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I just finished my masters. It was hard for the last year because I needed to be at school a lot -- program was supposed to just be 1-2 weekends a month but the last 6 months I was on campus every weekend and 1-2 days during the week too. DH had to pick up a lot of household slack and parenting too (and he already is an equal parenting partner). I am glad I did it though because I now have a better opportunity to add income to our lives. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Absolutely yes. Dh finished getting his college degree in his laye 30's and has gotten his first masters degree in hos 40's. He is looking to get another masters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 It's possible :-) I'm 43, graduated university in 1994 (working full-time, studying correspondence), and got my post grad in 1998, worked for 5 years, then 12 years off as expat spouse and homeschooling mom. I'm in a different country now, and Im still learning the educational setup. I started studying a graduate diploma in January. It's basically half a master's degree (1 year full time with an additional year for the Masters). I've opted for distance education as the lecture times clash with school pick up, and part-time, so doing a half load. Start slow: maybe one or two subject as it is a STEEP learning curve, and there is now a huge reliance on electronic journals, online learning etc. Learning to cite / reference properly is worthy of its own course with YouTube videos and blogs and all sorts to add to journals! Pay attention to the advised hours-per-course, then add a bit: do you have that much free time? People still need to get fed and taken to activities and all the rest of the jobs you do now. Talk to the someone, former students, head of the course: I survived my first semester because I randomly chose a subject I was very strong in and a subject that wasn't too demanding. If I had started with this semester's two 'random choices' I would have given up. They're both very 'techie' and way outside my comfort zone but at least I had last semester to get the basic academic skills in place. All told it's been wonderful, although absolutely exhausting, and I do feel guilty about not being as mentally and emotionally present for the kids as I should be. I'm always thinking of what I should be doing for my uni work, and I'm very distracted. On the other hand, it's great to be back in the academic world and challenge my brain with more than high school work! And I must admit, it's great to get outside recognition for hard work and good results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You can go back to school! I don't see any issues. Get a book to do a practice GRE and see how you do. Math was the hardest for me, but the test covers just Algebra 1 and Geometry and doesn't go further than that. The other two sections were easier for me. I did my best on the logic section. I find it exciting to keep going forward and feel that I have been in a rut and stagnant for years now. I am ready for a change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 On the money issue, I think you should ask for a bit larger lump sum each month, maybe automatically transferred to your own account so that there doesn't *need* to be any asking him for money. Then you can pay bills, other things, AND maybe set some aside in savings. And then don't worry a bit about what dh does with the rest since he is obviously not going to be convinced to do anything different at this point. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I am 46 years old, and my MA will be officially conferred tomorrow. :D Going back to school is completely possible. Also, a GRE was not required for my school, and I did the whole degree program online, which made it a lot easier to manage. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I'm doing it now. It is possible to go back to school. I think it sets a good example for my children. Yes, I do value education. Its not easy though. Some days are better than others. Having a supportive spouse is making all the difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 My Bachelors degree better still be good, I plan to use it and not go back to school. I've had small things over the year to help build a resume, I've got a 3 year plan. Good Luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SharonM Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I am 59 and my degree will be finished soon. I started back when I was 56. It is do able, although my kids were in college when I started. Dh was very supportive, but the kids are the ones who picked up the slack. :-) I really enjoy my classes and cant wait to find a job in my new field. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I graduated from law school last May. The best info on what will be expected in grad school for a master's in your field of choice is to contact the school and ask. You can do it. I know plenty of adults who have gone back to as school. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I started college at 46. I'm in my third of five years for my BA.There are a lot of over30 adults at my school. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks for the suggestion. I'm thinking of counseling. I double-majored in sociology and psychology in college. There's a University fifteen minutes away that offers a Master's Degree in Counseling. The town I live in has zero counselors (other than school counselors) and we're in a state with horrible mental health services and long wait times for appointments. Something in that field is the only thing I think I could do well and still earn a decent living. I went back to school with 2 20+ year old counseling degrees when I was over 40. I am now fully licensed, work for an agency with medical and retirement benefits and have a private practice (and another job due to my kids' private school). I am on my phone - I will come back later. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I know you said you don't want marriage advice but the dynamic by which you ask for money, is that really about whether or not you're the one earning it? My wife and I both work and I still manage all of the money because I'm the one with the head for figures and due dates. She still "asks" for money but it's as much her money as my own so the request is really more of a heads up so that I can plan for it. Aside from that unsolicited input, I'll say that I did go back to school for awhile and it was hard, but my wife was also working at the time. When our second was born, I had to stop. I found the coursework too easy and breezed through required pre-requisites that were more about the (community) college's revenue than my educational needs, which was annoying. I didn't find any significant culture shock or major issue integrating into any classes, though. If we hadn't had a new baby suddenly in the middle of my bachelor's program I'd have finished. But there are consequences most notably less time with the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 My grandmother went to college after she retired. She was there at the same time as her grandkids. She loved it, and is much "younger" than most people her age today. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks for the replies. I've been on the couch sick this week so have started looking around. It's a bit tricky trying to decide exactly what degree is needed. My mother has been urging me to consider being a school counselor. She retired a few years ago as a school counselor and said that it is hard for the system to find counselors. Currently, she does contract work for the school system helping out with counseling needs throughout the district. She plans to quit doing that in about two years. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Ok, back on a desktop. I will be posting my response as an LPC, LMFT and LCDC. School Counseling is not my heart, although I am one for the time being, that role is also combined with teaching and Administrative. Along those lines, another option is becoming an educational diagnostician - very needed and in demand but requires a teaching certificate. The GRE was intimidating, but time limited and once it was over, it was over. I did not study for the verbal, I used my study time only on math. My score was adequate but would not have been "enough" for a research institution. That was ok, but I was looking to be a clinician/practitioner and not a researcher. I went back to school in my early 40's. I was still homeschooling, and I sat at the table and did my schoolwork along side my kids. That part was AWESOME; we loved it. It helped that my kids were all double digit age. I loved having something that was MINE, for ME, and about ME. Up to that point, my adult life had been kids and husband. Although I don't reqret those years, I regret not keeping something that was ME vibrant and engaged. I went "dual track" at my in person school, and there did the courses to qualify for Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor. (I am also a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor, but that is a much lesser designation and may actually be something for you to look into with your undergrad.) Know that therapists are not an adequately or well paid Master's level licensed clinician. It's a sad reality. I made decent money now, but that is due to a combination of jobs. In your course work, you will have to have at least 2 semesters in which you are a practicum student - working as a therapist while a student. After graduation, you will need to apply to take your licensing exams, take the exams, and be issued your "intern" or "temp" license. At that point, you will have hours to work (in Texas, it is 3000) in which you also meet with a Therapist Supervisor weekly - and you need to pay them for that time. There are fees for: apply to take the test (they review your transcript for the right courses), registering for the test, getting temp license, paying for supervision. Jobs are limited when you are not fully licensed, and the pay is low (relative to the education and training.) It improves when you are fully licensed, but only somewhat. I am a "natural student" and the coursework and organization came easy to me - I am sure that helps. It was also personally healing from the trauma and challenge I had been through. Today, I love being who I am, and that I am building a professional orientation and career at nearly 50. It was hard, but so, so worth it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I'm on my last semester of prerequisites for nursing, I'm 32. January (hopefully) I start actual nursing classes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I'm on my last semester of prerequisites for nursing, I'm 32. January (hopefully) I start actual nursing classes. I was literally exactly where you are at exactly the age you're at when my youngest was born and I had to stop. LOL!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Both hubby and I are in school (again). It takes some serious organization, but it is workable. Granted, we have two teenagers and our youngest is ten so that helps. There are quite a few older students here and the kids in the classes are great. It's a little strange being older than most of my professors, but it also makes for a different (and nice) dynamic than I see with them and younger students. The younger students too often seem to assume that us older ones always know what's going on in a class and have it all figured out :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I started a 2nd BA program in May and take the GRE tomorrow afternoon (eek!) I'm not sure whether or not I will finish the 2nd BA- that all depends on whether I can get accepted as an "out-of-field" applicant in Speech & Language Pathology. If I do get in, it will take me 3 years rather than 2 to earn the master's since I will have to finish the foundational courses as part of grad school. If I don't get accepted this year, I will finish the 2nd BA and re-apply as an in-field applicant. My 1st degree is in psychology and I was originally considering a master's in Educational Therapy. But then my youngest child got diagnosed with hearing loss so I decided that it made more sense to do SLP. I can still qualify for certification as an ed therapist with a master's in SLP plus a few additional courses if I decide that's what I want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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