Do you ever feel like a failure?

[Based on Faith Academy]

Do you feel like you could have and should have been able to accomplish more with your dc?

[Hunter]

I used to, but not now. I'm a lot less impressed by what others think, now.

 

I took the feathers out of the top hat and put them back in my hair. I ditched the stuffy ill-fitting overcoat. I decided that being a savage is a worthy goal in life. 

 

[Critterfixer]

Only every time Standardized Testing comes around, or I suffer a momentary greening of envy when I see what "others" are accomplishing. Then I spend a little extra time remembering what we have accomplished and the fun we've had doing it, and how far we have come. Then I feel better.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

No. That way leads to madness.

 

I think it's possible for any parent to go there, but very few of us really deserve that. Most of us did the best we could with what we had, and tried to teach our children the right path as well as how to learn/find whatever they need.

 

I've lost sleep over miscalculations and mistakes; moments that I would give anything to erase. But that's my problem, my anxiety -- when those moments hit, I know on a sane level that none of those mistakes comprise the whole of my child's reality and are not nearly as big a deal as I make them. What I'm really saying to myself is, "I wish I could have protected you from all unpleasantness and wrong. I wish I could have stopped you from making mistakes so you'd have had no cessation of happiness."

 

Well, how realistic is that? And would a child raised in such a bubble be OK? It's not realistic and they'd be fragile freaks.

 

I think as we launch our children into the big wide world, we're better off asking ourselves other questions, something other than, "Was I a failure."

 

What about these:

 

Is he happy?

Is he good at relationships?
Does he have what he needs to move forward -- knowledge, skills, stamina, resilience?
Does he still talk to me, trust me, and know that I love him?
Does he have mentors?

Does he have goals?

Can he manage stress in his life without self-destruction or excessive anxiety?

Am I hearing him plan for his future, do I hear laughter and music and joy...

 

if these are yesses we are AMAZING MOTHERS. We weren't always perfect and we'll still make mistakes. But our children are healthy and whole and we raised them.

 

Do not let yesterday's mistakes steal today's absolute joy in the fine young person standing before you.

 

If these are not all yesses, well, it's not as if we're out of time. We can spend a lifetime rekindling relationship, rebuilding trust, praying and hoping...it's not as if we're going to stop praying and hoping, no matter what they're going through whether good or ill.

 

In this case, do not let yesterday's mistakes leave you paralyzed in despair to the point that you don't have the strength to help your young adult tackle the problems of today. It's still one day at a time, one challenge at a time, one prayer at a time...

 

I see by your sig that you are a Christian. What does love do? Believes all things, hopes all things, love never fails...you know that. What did the Apostle Paul do? "Not that I have attained, not that I am perfected, but I press on..." Well, is that not parenting?

[Guest]

Tibbie and Hunter have the wise - listen to them.

 

I have days like that. I also have days where I could use a little self deflating from how much I've puffed myself up over a success ;). Don't play the second guessing game. Just do your best to love your children, meet them where they are, and teach them diligently according to their own unique strengths and weaknesses. The rest is out of your control and will only steal your joy.

[Based on Faith Academy]

I am not even one percent worried about what "others" think. This is more of

a "Do I feel like I could have done better?". There are times when I think we should

have been able to accomplish more in a year than we did.

 

The crazy thing about it is that when standardized testing comes around he shows

himself to have learned more than I ever imagined. Yet, when it comes to those things

like electives, I feel we could have done much better.

 

I don't know how to change it because every year I sit down and plan and every year

I work with my dc and every year I still feel I could have helped my ds get more out of

the year.

 

[Guest]

Only every time Standardized Testing comes around, or I suffer a momentary greening of envy when I see what "others" are accomplishing. Then I spend a little extra time remembering what we have accomplished and the fun we've had doing it, and how far we have come. Then I feel better.

Oh yes, testing time! I think we need to put ourselves and our kids in protecting, non-competitive bubbles for that.

[Based on Faith Academy]

 

What about these:

 

Is he happy?

Is he good at relationships?

Does he have what he needs to move forward -- knowledge, skills, stamina, resilience?

Does he still talk to me, trust me, and know that I love him?

Does he have mentors?

Does he have goals?

Can he manage stress in his life without self-destruction or excessive anxiety?

Am I hearing him plan for his future, do I hear laughter and music and joy...

 

if these are yesses we are AMAZING MOTHERS. We weren't always perfect and we'll still make mistakes. But our children are healthy and whole and we raised them.

 

Do not let yesterday's mistakes steal today's absolute joy in the fine young person standing before you.

 

If these are not all yesses, well, it's not as if we're out of time. We can spend a lifetime rekindling relationship, rebuilding trust, praying and hoping...it's not as if we're going to stop praying and hoping, no matter what they're going through whether good or ill.

 

In this case, do not let yesterday's mistakes leave you paralyzed in despair to the point that you don't have the strength to help your young adult tackle the problems of today. It's still one day at a time, one challenge at a time, one prayer at a time...

 

I see by your sig that you are a Christian. What does love do? Believes all things, hopes all things, love never fails...you know that. What did the Apostle Paul do? "Not that I have attained, not that I am perfected, but I press on..." Well, is that not parenting?

 

I'd like this post a thousand times if I could!!!

Thank you for these words and your admonition.

 

 

[shinyhappypeople]

Yes, I think I've failed my kids in that I could have (should have) done better.

 

But.

 

"We do what we know, and when we know better we do better."  (or something like that, from Maya Angelou)

 

So, I know better now.  I'm correcting course.

 

But, yeah... it stings a bit.  Still, the situation is not beyond redemption and, honestly, at least my failed efforts were efforts.  That's something. 

[Farrar]

Yes.

 

But I agree with Tibbie that that's the path to madness. For me, when I do go there, it's always an overly emotional completely absurd cry, generally to dh. It's like that scene in When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan is being completely irrational and says she's going to be 40. And he's like, yeah, in eight years. I'm always like, "And they'll never get into college!" and dh will be like, "Yeah, in eight years. Let's focus on that."  :001_rolleyes: And I'll be like, "But it's out there!"

 

Anyway, after I let out all the madness every few months, typically in the midst of stress and other horribleness from life, I generally have to say to myself, there's no one path, there's no one metric of something working or not working, and remind myself of all the things we did do and all the good things about the kids. And then just go forward. There's nothing to do but go forward. That's just life.

[Tawlas]

My only pressure comes from dsd's other parent. She was actually told "The reason you can't read very well is because you're homeschooled." Then they gave her a Walmart grade 4 reading work book and a grade 3 writing work book for Christmas.

 

Nice.

 

I know that in public school she probably doesn't perform at a low enough level that she'd get any extra help and that the hard work she put in and solid grade level she's gotten out of the past year would not have happened. So I just keep on keepin' on, researching and asking questions and figuring out the next best way to help her and hope the rest of her family doesn't make her actually believe that what she's doing isn't good enough.

 

Sorry. That was a bit of a vent. I work my butt off every day, almost year round and the kids do too. I also feel very strongly that they need a lot of time to play, to be outside, to be free from all but the most necessary structure on a regular basis. So in order to do more than we do, that would be sacrificed, and then I *would* have regrets.

 

Pick your priorities and stick to your guns :)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Yes.

 

But I agree with Tibbie that that's the path to madness. For me, when I do go there, it's always an overly emotional completely absurd cry, generally to dh. It's like that scene in When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan is being completely irrational and says she's going to be 40. And he's like, yeah, in eight years. I'm always like, "And they'll never get into college!" and dh will be like, "Yeah, in eight years. Let's focus on that."  :001_rolleyes: And I'll be like, "But it's out there!"

 

Anyway, after I let out all the madness every few months, typically in the midst of stress and other horribleness from life, I generally have to say to myself, there's no one path, there's no one metric of something working or not working, and remind myself of all the things we did do and all the good things about the kids. And then just go forward. There's nothing to do but go forward. That's just life.

 

Ohmigosh. Exactly yes. This is how we learn the zen thing, from all those years of carrying on this way and finally noting that it makes no difference and the kids are fine.

[sbgrace]

I thought my special needs son would be further along at this age.  I think academic wise I'm doing a good job, but wish I was capable of being more in certain areas.

[Hunter]

I am not even one percent worried about what "others" think. This is more of

a "Do I feel like I could have done better?". There are times when I think we should

have been able to accomplish more in a year than we did.

 

The crazy thing about it is that when standardized testing comes around he shows

himself to have learned more than I ever imagined. Yet, when it comes to those things

like electives, I feel we could have done much better.

 

I don't know how to change it because every year I sit down and plan and every year

I work with my dc and every year I still feel I could have helped my ds get more out of

the year.

 

I used to think I "should" do things based on what the majority in power tend to think about things. I adopted their worldview as mine. I didn't question the "shoulds". The "shoulds" were REAL and they were TRUTHS. 

 

It was repeatedly crashing that caused me to reevaluate my "truths". Maybe I'm just taking the easy way out, because it was hard? Maybe I'm still supposed to be ashamed, because I'm a morally deficient bum, that doesn't even have enough character to be ashamed?

 

What is truth? What is real. What SHOULD be done and WHY? Is the standardized test a truth or real? If we define our success by a test, we ARE worried about at least what the test makers think.

 

I've had several times of totally reevaluating what I think is real and right this year. My STANDARDS and BELIEFS have radically changed. So of course i've changed how see the results, when I started using a different measuring stick. 

 

I didn't think I was doing what others thought. I thought I was succeeding and failing to accomplish truths. I'm not sure if I'm making sense.

[Farrar]

Ohmigosh. Exactly yes. This is how we learn the zen thing, from all those years of carrying on this way and finally noting that it makes no difference and the kids are fine.

 

Oh, zen is so right. I didn't even think of that, but that's sort of what it is. I am feeling like a failure. I am feeling what I'm feeling. And now, I'm letting that feeling go. Everything will be what it is. We will keep going. Zen.

[wintermom]

Do you feel like you could have and should have been able to accomplish more with your dc?

 

I used to get the fleeting feeling that maybe I should be doing more, then my ds went to school for part of grade 7. He returned home after 8 months, and just the other day he said, "Mom, I've done more work at my own level and interest in this last month and a half than I did in 8 months of school."  That comment really gave me a boost! It's very true, too. We have the flexibility to work at each child's pace, to follow their interests and our own priorities, and we are completely invested and loving throughout the journey. No public or private school can accomplish this.

[Incognito]

 

 

I don't know how to change it because every year I sit down and plan and every year

I work with my dc and every year I still feel I could have helped my ds get more out of

the year.

 

Sure, I feel like I could have done better.  Most of the time I could have.  But I don't let that sort of thing eat me up or make me label myself a failure.  I use my feelings of dissatisfaction to channel efforts into more satisfying endeavours or greater achievement.  

 

So COULD we have read 4 more read alouds last year?  Sure, I bet we could have.  Would it have been a better choice than what we did with our free time?  Meh - some days yes, some days no.  Next year I'll have some more specific read aloud goals and feel more satisfied when we have achieved them instead of shooting for a nebulous "enough".

 

It isn't really ever useful to beat oneself up about the past - it can be very useful to reflect upon it and use it to spur one on to greater actions, more deliberate choices, etc.

 

Life isn't a giant contest of who gets the most out of it - the journey is the goal.  So if you are learning and growing and stretching, sometimes it will be harder and sometimes it will be easier, but that is very appropriate.  You have to let go of the idea of ever actually having the perfect year, and embrace the GOOD years.

[lllll]

nm

[Gentlemommy]

Yes. I feel like I'm failing at one thing or another virtually all the time. Homeschooling, extra curricular things, parenting, housekeeping, cooking healthy foods, self education, ect. I'm anxious about it all the time. I'm working on that.

When I get very worried, I try to do the 'best of two choices' game. For example-like a PP said, yeah, we could have read four more books, gotten more math practice, produced more writing, or actually DONE latin...but. During the time that we would have been inside doing these things and stressing, we instead chose to-read fairy tales, go for hikes, explore the creek, go camping, bake together, play endless card and board games, stay up late talking with my big girls, participate in homeschool PE and field day, play with friends, go fishing, swimming, rock climbing, catch snakes, lizards and frogs, or take a nap in the hammock. What would have been 'better' for MY kids, at that particular time? I can say with almost 100% certainty that the things we did do had more value than hitting the books even longer.

I'm really really trying to learn as much as I possibly can about 'teaching from a state of rest' and not being anxious about these things. It's hard.

[8filltheheart]

Yes, but for much different reasons than your post suggests.  Instead, I have been waking up in the morning listening to birds sings and then looking out the window at the clouds and sun rising and  wondering how we as human beings have decided that divorcing ourselves from nature and closing our children up inside is how we are supposed to live.  Why has the idea that learning to memorize a gazillion facts is praiseworthy and yet most children do not know the names of the birds or trees or plants right outside their bedroom window.  I feel like a failure b/c even though I have constantly fought against it, I still feel like I am trapped in Dickens's Hard Times and poor Sissy is forced to become Cecilia.

 

 

 

Thomas Gradgrind, sir.  A man of realities.  A man of facts and calculations.  A man who proceeds upon the principle that two and two are four, and nothing over, and who is not to be talked into allowing for anything over.  Thomas Gradgrind, sir—peremptorily Thomas—Thomas Gradgrind.  With a rule and a pair of scales, and the multiplication table always in his pocket, sir, ready to weigh and measure any parcel of human nature, and tell you exactly what it comes to.  It is a mere question of figures, a case of simple arithmetic.......

In such terms Mr. Gradgrind always mentally introduced himself, whether to his private circle of acquaintance, or to the public in general.  In such terms, no doubt, substituting the words ‘boys and girls,’ for ‘sir,’ Thomas Gradgrind now presented Thomas Gradgrind to the little pitchers before him, who were to be filled so full of facts.

Indeed, as he eagerly sparkled at them from the cellarage before mentioned, he seemed a kind of cannon loaded to the muzzle with facts, and prepared to blow them clean out of the regions of childhood at one discharge.  He seemed a galvanizing apparatus, too, charged with a grim mechanical substitute for the tender young imaginations that were to be stormed away.

‘Girl number twenty,’ said Mr. Gradgrind, squarely pointing with his square forefinger, ‘I don’t know that girl.  Who is that girl?’

‘Sissy Jupe, sir,’ explained number twenty, blushing, standing up, and curtseying.

‘Sissy is not a name,’ said Mr. Gradgrind.  ‘Don’t call yourself Sissy.  Call yourself Cecilia.’

‘It’s father as calls me Sissy, sir,’ returned the young girl in a trembling voice, and with another curtsey.

‘Then he has no business to do it,’ said Mr. Gradgrind.  ‘Tell him he mustn’t.  Cecilia Jupe.  Let me see.  What is your father?’

‘He belongs to the horse-riding, if you please, sir.’

Mr. Gradgrind frowned, and waved off the objectionable calling with his hand.

‘We don’t want to know anything about that, here.  You mustn’t tell us about that, here.  Your father breaks horses, don’t he?’

‘If you please, sir, when they can get any to break, they do break horses in the ring, sir.’

‘You mustn’t tell us about the ring, here.  Very well, then.  Describe your father as a horsebreaker.  He doctors sick horses, I dare say?’

‘Oh yes, sir.’

‘Very well, then.  He is a veterinary surgeon, a farrier, and horsebreaker.  Give me your definition of a horse.’

(Sissy Jupe thrown into the greatest alarm by this demand.)

‘Girl number twenty unable to define a horse!’ said Mr. Gradgrind, for the general behoof of all the little pitchers.  ‘Girl number twenty possessed of no facts, in reference to one of the commonest of animals!  Some boy’s definition of a horse.  Bitzer, yours.’

.......

‘Bitzer,’ said Thomas Gradgrind.  ‘Your definition of a horse.’

‘Quadruped.  Graminivorous.  Forty teeth, namely twenty-four grinders, four eye-teeth, and twelve incisive.  Sheds coat in the spring; in marshy countries, sheds hoofs, too.  Hoofs hard, but requiring to be shod with iron.  Age known by marks in mouth.’  Thus (and much more) Bitzer.

‘Now girl number twenty,’ said Mr. Gradgrind.  ‘You know what a horse is.’

She curtseyed again, and would have blushed deeper, if she could have blushed deeper than she had blushed all this time.  Bitzer, after rapidly blinking at Thomas Gradgrind with both eyes at once, and so catching the light upon his quivering ends of lashes that they looked like the antennæ of busy insects, put his knuckles to his freckled forehead, and sat down again.

......

‘Very well,’ said this gentleman, briskly smiling, and folding his arms.  ‘That’s a horse.

 

I feel trapped in a world where knowing the definition of a horse is seen as knowing more about a horse than growing up around horses and actually knowing horses.  I feel like even though I have fought against it for 2 decades that I have failed in making sure my kids haven't been sucked into that world.  I'm not sure what the alternative is b/c obviously I do not feel like I have found it.  

 

(Sorry.....long days of reflecting on life with an ill child.)

 

[Kfamily]

Yes, but for much different reasons than your post suggests.  Instead, I have been waking up in the morning listening to birds sings and then looking out the window at the clouds and sun rising and  wondering how we as human beings have decided that divorcing ourselves from nature and closing our children up inside is how we are supposed to live.  Why has the idea that learning to memorize a gazillion facts is praiseworthy and yet most children do not know the names of the birds or trees or plants right outside their bedroom window.  I feel like a failure b/c even though I have constantly fought against it, I still feel like I am trapped in Dickens's Hard Times and poor Sissy is forced to become Cecilia.

 

 

 

 

I feel trapped in a world where knowing the definition of a horse is seen as knowing more about a horse than growing up around horses and actually knowing horses.  I feel like even though I have fought against it for 2 decades that I have failed in making sure my kids haven't been sucked into that world.  I'm not sure what the alternative is b/c obviously I do not feel like I have found it.  

 

(Sorry.....long days of reflecting on life with an ill child.)

 

Sigh...I feel this way too. I wanted a different life for them, but I'm just trying to make the best of the one that we have. I'm so grateful that I've been able to stay home with them. I'd have missed so much if I had not.

[Allearia]

Every single day.

[RootAnn]

Sometimes.

 

Then I spend some time with my kids when they are hanging out with either other kids or each other. They make me  :hurray:  and  :w00t:  and  :001_tt1:  (and sometimes  :willy_nilly: ) . 

Or older friends of ours comment favorably about our kids.

Or someone pays our (rather large) bill at an eat out restaurant because they are so impressed by our kids' behavior.

Or dd#1's ACT score arrives and I  :svengo: because I realize I didn't "break" her - that she's going to turn out okay despite my failures.

Or the kids' standardized test scores come and I see the hard-fought gains they've made quantified in front of me -- the ones I don't see because I'm in the trenches day after day.

 

But yeah, sometimes.

[Ausmumof3]

What 8 fill the heart said... Yes.

 

I feel like I have focused on academics too much and yet I see other kids doing better than mine even in these areas. But I remember how much I enjoyed the Charlotte mason days when we actually went outside every day we possibly could. And we read good books...

 

Only there is this crazy pressure not to let your kids get left behind...

[Targhee]

All the time

 

 

For me it has a lot to do with 2e kids.

 

Then again I also have reminders of WHY we homeschool, so I know I should be doing it. I think if I am complacent with what we do I'd never push for more.

[J-rap]

In hindsight, I wish I'd done more with math and science, but I also don't regret what we did.  I think they ended up with other advantages, even if they don't grow up to be scientists or mathematicians. There are pros and cons of everything.

[waa510]

Yes. This tends to coincide with the dreaded February doldrums though, so I've tried to get a list going of stuff to read when that happens. I'm an anxious perfectionist so it's tremendously hard for me to not obsess over 'enough'. Like any mom, I want so much for my kids and can caught in that vicious cycle of never measuring up to the imaginary perfect childhood for my kiddos.

 

Dh has been my reality-checker lately. He said something that has stuck in my mind about a month ago and I'm using it as my motto this year.

 

"I'd rather she be a well-adjusted barista than a miserable physicist." 

[Pronghorn]

I try to model the right attitude in front of my child, so she does not grow up with that nasty self-critical voice that I have inhabiting my head. In private, I have moments of irrational panic, more about parenting than homeschooling. I try to remember the things I taught my daughter about mistakes, e.g. part of being human is making a really stupid mistake every now and than, the important thing is to get lots of mileage out of mistakes by learning from them. And then there is our art class motto: Incorporate your mistakes.

[Momto4inSoCal]

I always question the things I do and how I do them when it comes to my kids and if I will one day look back and see I did it all wrong. I had a really rough childhood and it's been hard figuring out what a "normal" household looks like. I over think things and tend to over do it signing my kids up for too much and reading tons of parenting books, evaluating every tiny detail of how I do things. Then I still worry that I've somehow messed this up and my kids will go down the same path I went down as a teen. I'm working on letting go of all of that and trusting God more. Probably more than you are asking though :) 

[KSinNS]

Hugs! This, I suspect, is the battle of modern parenthood. We compare our kids to other kids in ranks, and then blame ourselves when they aren't near the top. Which, of course, the majority of kids can't be, since they are all compared to each other, so only a few can be at the top. 

 

Andrew Kern has a great talk on this (I think it's the Assessment that Blesses one). I repeat over and over again "Comparison opens us up to the sins of pride and envy." And I alternate wildly between the two with my kids. So, I try to try not to compare. And when I have to (in our lives, this happens around music) I try to take a deep breath, look at what they have accomplished compared to last year, as opposed to the other kids, and then accept that I could not and they could not do more than what we have done. We "could" have practiced more, but we couldn't, because there are fixed limits on energy, strength, attention, intelligence, motor control, desire, and hours in the day.  

 

https://www.circeinstitute.org/audio

 

But for me, this is a constant battle.

[marbel]

I am not even one percent worried about what "others" think. This is more of

a "Do I feel like I could have done better?". There are times when I think we should

have been able to accomplish more in a year than we did.

 

<snip>

 

Yes.  I get you on this.  I also am not concerned with others.  I am concerned with my kids' development into independent adults.   And yes, every single day I feel like I am failing them.

[SnMomof7]

At the end of the year? When I have to write progress reports for the government? Oh, yes. Daily.

 

Then I realize I need to reread Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe. And hug my babies. And thank God for them. R

[LLMom]

What really makes it hard is when on older dc (adult) blames you for his problems because you homeschooled him.  I know that is not the case, but it still hurts and makes me feel like a failure at times.

[Targhee]

What really makes it hard is when on older dc (adult) blames you for his problems because you homeschooled him. I know that is not the case, but it still hurts and makes me feel like a failure at times.

I'm so sorry! :-( That would be hard for me to hear and not feel a sting, even knowing it wasn't true. I hope that child will come to realize all that was given and sacrificed, and to appreciate you.

[madteaparty]

Considering I have a graduate degree from one of those fancy schools we are all trying to get our kids in, and I had all the fancy jobs, and survived the recession in my industry to stay at home in rural America and homeschool my one average (but delightful!)child and my former colleagues are making partner and literally millions of dollars in salary, yeah, a little, some days.

I mean i don't miss the actual work. I miss the tangible "feedback" of it, like if I had an off day or week, I'd still get paid every two weeks. I did something, a grown man would say thank-you, a deal would close, etc.

 

DS just now told me, referring to someone's opinion "She's probably a crazy SAHM like you. I mean that in a good way, of course".

 

Also, I could work/push harder with DS. I have no excuse why I don't, because as I said, I am no longer working.

 

ETA: I cannot work a microscope. God help me, I've tried. I can buy Landry intensives, though.

[idnib]

Considering I have a graduate degree from one of those fancy schools we are all trying to get our kids in, and I had all the fancy jobs, and survived the recession in my industry to stay at home in rural America and homeschool my one average (but delightful!)child and my former colleagues are making partner and literally millions of dollars in salary, yeah, a little, some days.

I mean i don't miss the actual work. I miss the tangible "feedback" of it, like if I had an off day or week, I'd still get paid every two weeks. I did something, a grown man would say thank-you, a deal would close, etc.

 

I feel like this too, but for me it's also the money.

 

When I think about the money I gave up to homeschool, I feel a lot of pressure to do right by them and justify their (in a sense) very expensive homeschooling. I know I am doing better than the local public school, but were I working I could send them to one of the several fabulous private schools nearby. I do feel those schools are doing a better job than I am. Yes, they're actually teaching Greek. Yes, they have wonderful lecturers. Yes, they actually got their gardens going. Yes, they're taking the trips I never got around to planning. And so on. Even paying full freight for one of those schools, we would have money left over for wonderful vacations, a better retirement, more robust college funds, etc. if I were still working. 

 

So I have to fall back on the immeasurable values of spending time together and being happy. It's difficult. Sometimes when we have a bad day I find myself why I just spent hundreds of dollars for that. I know I shouldn't think that, but I do. Yuck.  :crying:

 

ETA: I can work a microscope, come on over.  :)

[madteaparty]

I feel like this too, but for me it's also the money.

 

When I think about the money I gave up to homeschool, I feel a lot of pressure to do right by them and justify their (in a sense) very expensive homeschooling. I know I am doing better than the local public school, but were I working I could send them to one of the several fabulous private schools nearby. I do feel those schools are doing a better job than I am. Yes, they're actually teaching Greek. Yes, they have wonderful lecturers. Yes, they actually got their gardens going. Yes, they're taking the trips I never got around to planning. And so on. Even paying full freight for one of those schools, we would have money left over for wonderful vacations, a better retirement, more robust college funds, etc. if I were still working.

 

So I have to fall back on the immeasurable values of spending time together and being happy. It's difficult. Sometimes when we have a bad day I find myself why I just spent hundreds of dollars for that. I know I shouldn't think that, but I do. Yuck. :crying:

 

ETA: I can work a microscope, come on over. :)

Yes exactly. I did not want to partake in the NYC private school scene, however I know they would do better at the academics for sure.