Sometimes I hate living in a wealthy area (kid sports vent)

[Reefgazer]

Somehow I don't think death of a child or pregnancy loss is quite comparable to not making the team.

 

Isn't that a nice thing to say when someone's facing disadvantage.

 

Would you say that to someone who's kid was sick? "Yeah, well some people die early, you know. Life's not fair."

 

"Yeah, well you know 50% of pregnancies end in the first trimester. Life's not fair."

 

"Oh, your child didn't get a scholarship because she's Asian and you went to college and scholarships go to first generation poor kids? Life's not fair you know."

 

I mean come ON. What kind of post is that? We all know life isn't fair, but the definition of fair has to do with what we think ought to be.

 

If all people are equal in rights and intrinsic worth, and if all children should be judged on sports merit and hard work (versus parental income) then it is natural to be upset that that is not the case. And indeed, there are many areas where you can join a lot of rec clubs and move from there into elite clubs, but many other areas don't have that pathway, and it sucks.

 

It's not as though it couldn't be different for OP, if she lived in a different area. It totally could. Hence her complaint.

 

"Life's not fair." Who says that but the extremely privileged?

[kroe1]

Big hugs. Is your son in a sport whereby extra practice time with Mom and Dad will suffice?

 

When DS was a travel soccer player, I certainly could not hire a coach. Instead, I worked with him every day. It was just setting out cones for drills, kicking the ball back to him, etc. it was stuff I could actually do. DD is in performing arts, however, and I am clueless as to how to help.

[Χά�ων]

Many kids would love that advantage. It's not like OP's kids or my kids don't get it because they don't want it.

 

It's because we don't have the money.

 

So your son gets on the team because you have more money. And yet it's supposed to be dedication and effort. But it's not.

To the bolded I am laughing. I have less money than most because of my son's very expensive medical needs. I keep my income low enough to keep him on the state medicaid (under 150% of the federal poverty level for our family size). I have been trying to get a medical exemption so I can go back to work but once again the deadline for the state to decide has passed with no decision so I will have to reapply. Again. Gotta love red tape and bureaucracy. Without that exemption, my going back to work will end up putting me in the position to have to pick between my son's medicine or putting food on the table because I will fall in that rather large gap between qualifying for help and being able to afford it. 

 

Sports is my child's passion. I support him. I opt to spend less money on other things. This summer he is not attending a traditional overnight camp or any type of day camps, he requested I take the money I would have spent and let him take an extra lesson a week so he can work on something he is struggling with. Currently it is ok at best, but not where it should be. But due to his medical issues it is something he greatly struggles with. When your body does not work as it is supposed to, well, not even doing daily private lessons or working out an hour a day with a personal trainer will fix it. He may get it one day, but he has been working on it for years vs months.

 

Private lessons do not replace that internal drive and coaches know that finding a child with the built in drive to practice and train for hours a day on their own is not common and will benefit the team in the long run. He has been like this since he was little, he will work at something until he gets it and he does not stop until he has it. That is the level of dedication that lands him on the team. His coach knows that he will give it his all at every practice, always has a good attitude takes correction with a smile and applies it immediately. Coach is fully aware of his limitations, I am upfront and honest.

 

Every coach he has worked with, in every aspect of training, include gyms, personal training, private/semi-private lessons, you name it, all say the exact same thing to me about him. He gives it his all from start to finish, where as most kids give it everything in the beginning and then less towards the end, he has the same level throughout and works with a smile on his face. At the end, when the other kids are getting water and heading towards the door, he asks to do more. This is very uncommon for kids this age.

 

If any child were to decide to join my son's sport today, the parent could put them in daily private lessons and they will not catch up by the time the season starts. Why? because this level still takes time to get to and a child without the basic skills will get hurt or hurt their teammates. That child would be placed on a lower level team until they have the needed skills to move up. It really is a safety thing, that child would be injured or risk injuring a teammate. 

 

Something I have never understood is why so many people view getting a child private piano lessons as a wonderful thing but view private lesson's for sports as a negative. Maybe someone can explain why one is socially ok and the other is not. It is wonderful when parents support their child in robotics, music or spelling, but unfair to everyone else if it is in sports? If my son has begged to play the violin at 2 and I paid for private lessons at the same level as his sports, would I still be viewed as someone with more money to spend giving my child an unfair advantage against the kids who pick join the school orchestra in 4th grade? 

 

Think of the families on this board who have kids who dedicate that much effort to spelling bees. Why is that ok, but not sports? Why is one passion better than the other? Why is one passion slammed and not the other?

 

Don't be so quick to make such assumptions about her. Some people make some very difficult choices to spare the money for their kid's opportunities. You may choose other priorities and I totally get that. But the fact she has gotten lessons for her ds in no way equates him not putting effort into his sports. In fact, knowing her and her ds in real life, I know her son faces more challenges than most kids. You really have no clue about others' personal circumstances.

Thank you! 

 

Yes, Aelwydd is correct, I have made choices to support my son in this area vs sending him to a private school, taking vacations, driving a nicer car, living in a larger house, putting him in robotics, eating out and the list goes on and on. My son spends more hours/week practicing his sport than the other kids on his team in order to keep up due to his health. His is a long hard road. His illness makes his sport even harder for him and sometimes I wonder if that is why he picked it over something less physically demanding on his body. He loves a challenge and has grown to love to train. 

 

 

--------

 

As a parent it is hard to watch my son put in so much time and effort from a very young age and know that due to his health he will never be an elite level athlete. I really wish I could come on here and brag that my kid was going to rock the future Olympics and make himself a household name. What parent wouldn't want to see their child excel beyond compare at something they love? I hold no such delusion. Having been around parents who have those delusions, I like to think it makes me more pleasant to be around. ;)  

 

I support my child in is pursuit of his passion. His passion just happens to be sports related. He already makes money to pay for additional lessons and has asked me to set up a few other opportunities for him to make money and he has plans to start working at different things as soon as he is old enough. If nothing else I am confident that he is already ahead of many of his peers in work ethic, dedication and ability to problem solve and get creative to make money to support his dreams.

[Sarah CB]

Big hugs. Is your son in a sport whereby extra practice time with Mom and Dad will suffice?

 

When DS was a travel soccer player, I certainly could not hire a coach. Instead, I worked with him every day. It was just setting out cones for drills, kicking the ball back to him, etc. it was stuff I could actually do. DD is in performing arts, however, and I am clueless as to how to help.

 

I had a friend do this with hockey.  They spent the summer watching Youtube videos and practicing on their own - when fall hit he made the team he was hoping to and everyone who knew how he had played in the spring said it was like watching a totally different kid.

[unsinkable]

Around here, parents who are "serious" about their kids' sports hire personal trainers... for their 4th and 5th graders (on up). The kids play their specific sport year round, go to expensive camps, etc. Of course I think everyone should be allowed to live by their own priorities (time, money, etc) and I understand people with money (and often not many children) wanting to help their little athletes be all they can be. But sometimes it really stinks for those of us who can just afford "regular" participation (including registration fee, fees for mandatory indoor practices before the official season begins, gear, etc).

 

My kid didn't make a team we really thought he'd make. The kids who made it are the kids with personal trainers. It just... stinks. I'm sad and frustrated. :(

I am very sorry. Some of the most disappointing events in my kids' childhood involved not making a team. It is very painful to them and us, as parents.

 

Unfortunately, not making an elite or higher level team at a young age DOES impact (or can) impact an athlete's development because he has less practice and playing time on than those on the elite team. Those differences start to snowball and the gap between regular and elite widens and widens.

 

But on the other hand, sometimes the elite kids burn out at that level which creates openings. And boys especially get a surge of increased athletic ability along with growth so a kid who isn't elite level at 10 comes into his own at 13. Or, the biggest kid on the team of 12-13 year olds isn't much bigger a couple years later and is passed in size and muscle by a kid who was much smaller at 12-13.

 

It's tough. I know what you mean when you say *this* is what we can afford. And it is the basics of the sport. Sometimes the basics are what is being scrimped and saved and sacrificed for.

 

If you (the general *you*) give up X to do Y, you still had money to do X in the first place. Some people don't have money to do X to give up. And so it goes up and down the line with situations with more or less resources. If I give up X for house league fees, I'm aware there are families who don't even have X to give up for those house league fees. If someone has the house league fees, plus the travel league, plus the personal training fees, they might have had to give up X to put the money towards it, but they had the money in the first place.

 

:grouphug:

[umsami]

I'm sorry.

 

My DS2 loves baseball.  He has always wanted to play.  Unfortunately, here where we live, being 9 and having no prior team experience means that basically he cannot.  All of the local teams are try-out based.  These are kids who spend all year working on baseball.  DS doesn't have a chance.  

 

It doesn't seem fair that if you haven't learned a sport by 9/10, you're out of luck, but it seems like the case here.

 

My cousins were a hockey family...both of their boys.  They spent all of their time and money on hockey, and were often in debt.  Their Dad coached their early level teams.  They travelled all over.  The Mom worked basically to pay for hockey.   They put all their eggs/hopes on hockey.  One of the kids is on a feeder team for a pro team now.  I believe the other kid did get a college scholarship for hockey.  Still, I'm not sure I would have made the same choices.  I admire them for how much they put their kids and their kids' dreams first, though.

[Serenade]

Would anyone like to discuss the 16k to 20k cost for A to AAA travel ice hockey around here?

 

Dallas Stars Elite (AAA) PeeWee:

 

Association: $5,000

Team jerseys: $500

Team fees: approximately $1500

Travel expenses: $1600 per trip (2 people) for at least 6 or 7 out of state games and tournaments

 

I'm sitting at a game right now. Lady next to me just informed me they spent 20 grand last season on their PeeWee A travel team.

 

 

PeeWee = 11 - 12 yo

Bantam = 12 - 13 yo

 

You think you got expensive kid sport problems? Try being an ice hockey parent in the DFW area.

 

I used to think I lucked out that my kid wasn't into horses like I was.

 

 

AHAHAHA HAH.hah.ha.

 

P.S. The figures above do not include private skate lessons, goalie lessons, skate clinics and camps, equipment, "open" ice time, nor does it include individual off ice training, or personal trainers.

 

 

All I can say to this is, "wow."   It seems so crazy and like the world has gone mad.

[MyThreeSons]

I'm totally judgey. They are kids, the vast majority of whom are not bound for the Olympics or professional teams.

 

Around here, swimming is a big deal. Over the years, I've known several kids who are being told by their coaches, parents, and friends that they are going to be in the Olympics one day. Now, these are great kids, and superb swimmers, and I don't want to squelch anyone's dreams. But I want to yell at the parents and coaches sometimes and say, 

 

"You do realize that in order to make the Olympic team, he has to be one of the top few (like three or four) swimmers in that event in the whole United States, and he isn't even the top in our little state?" (I know that there are a few extra swimmers on the team who swim the preliminary rounds of the relay events, but if you're not in the top two or three of this state, you're not making the cut nationwide.)

 

The same can be said about baseball, basketball, or soccer.  There is a huge difference between getting a sports scholarship to college and being able to turn professional in that sport. And going through college on a sports scholarship is no easy trick -- the demands on the athlete-student are huge. Most people don't realize how much they give up, like most of their "break" times. 

[bettyandbob]

I live in a high COL area. We have a huge amount of sports offerings and an equally huge amount of private coaches, training programs, etc. Yes, lots of people use these special services to give their kid a leg up.

 

At the same time I have seen truly driven kids progress without private coaching. I've known kids who scoured youtube for techniques and drills. Plus, there's a ton a books published for coaches of every sport, that a parent can use to help their kid.

 

It is true that to tryout for a high school sport, kids around here need a decent skill level. They don't need to have been club athletes in the sport. They do need to be athletes who are used to training. The only sport where anyone can make the team is outdoor track. There is no space or equipment limitation with outdoor track. However, not everyone on the team gets to compete in meets.

 

My kids were never driven like that, but I ve seen parents who didn't pay private coaches, but did figure out how to support intense passion. This is different from the parent who is pushing the child. Parents who have an intensely driven child know it. The parent supporting an intensely driven child by coaching that child looks different from the pushy parent who is also coaching. That's a different issue than the focus of this thread.

[lmrich]

I am amazed at the growth of this industry. My son has been hired to teach at a tennis camp for 4 - 6 year olds. If he wanted he could be hired as a private coach for some of those kids. (My son is not a really good tennis player - he refuses to wear his glasses, but he is great with kids) It is rather silly. 

 

My nieghbor was a nationally ranked tennis player and is a high school coach. He and his son play all the time on the courts in our neighborhood. Someone actually said that it isn't fair that this kid gets unlimited private lessons...from his dad. Of course I had a kid say to me that is unfair that my kids do well in their classes because I am a teacher. 

 

To the OP, it is all about choices. I choose not to spend $$ on private lessons. It meant that my son did not make the tennis team his junior year after making it his sophmore year. I do not pay for private pointe classes for my ballerinas; they will not get the solo, but that is fine. I have NO desire for my kid to have the kind of ego that often (not always) goes along with the spoiled athlete. 

[unsinkable]

I am amazed at the growth of this industry. My son has been hired to teach at a tennis camp for 4 - 6 year olds. If he wanted he could be hired as a private coach for some of those kids. (My son is not a really good tennis player - he refuses to wear his glasses, but he is great with kids) It is rather silly.

 

My nieghbor was a nationally ranked tennis player and is a high school coach. He and his son play all the time on the courts in our neighborhood. Someone actually said that it isn't fair that this kid gets unlimited private lessons...from his dad. Of course I had a kid say to me that is unfair that my kids do well in their classes because I am a teacher.

 

To the OP, it is all about choices. I choose not to spend $$ on private lessons. It meant that my son did not make the tennis team his junior year after making it his sophmore year. I do not pay for private pointe classes for my ballerinas; they will not get the solo, but that is fine. I have NO desire for my kid to have the kind of ego that often (not always) goes along with the spoiled athlete.

Another funny thing that makes an "uneven" playing field...climate. Kids from warm climates can play baseball year round. Kids from colder climates have more ice rinks so they can play ice sports more often.

 

Look at all the southern colleges in the College Baseball World Series. Look at all the northern colleges in NCAA Ice Hockey Finals.

 

It is geography plus history but I bet there are people saying "not fair!" :lol:

[unsinkable]

I live in a high COL area. We have a huge amount of sports offerings and an equally huge amount of private coaches, training programs, etc. Yes, lots of people use these special services to give their kid a leg up.

 

At the same time I have seen truly driven kids progress without private coaching. I've known kids who scoured youtube for techniques and drills. Plus, there's a ton a books published for coaches of every sport, that a parent can use to help their kid.

 

It is true that to tryout for a high school sport, kids around here need a decent skill level. They don't need to have been club athletes in the sport. They do need to be athletes who are used to training. The only sport where anyone can make the team is outdoor track. There is no space or equipment limitation with outdoor track. However, not everyone on the team gets to compete in meets.

 

My kids were never driven like that, but I ve seen parents who didn't pay private coaches, but did figure out how to support intense passion. This is different from the parent who is pushing the child. Parents who have an intensely driven child know it. The parent supporting an intensely driven child by coaching that child looks different from the pushy parent who is also coaching. That's a different issue than the focus of this thread.

Here, there are a couple sports that anyone can play/join in each season. X-country, football, swimming, indoor track, wrestling, crew and outdoor track.

 

But you're right, not every one can always compete or get playing time even though they're on the team. The kids with lower ability get less attention from the coach or get placed with the less experienced coaches.

 

That doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile and valuable for the kids to play. I'm glad there are opportunities for anyone, and the teams are usually especially welcoming to kids "cut" from other sports.

[MyThreeSons]

I had no fat chance in hell joining anything in high school because my parents didn't get me into anything prior.

 

When I was in high school, both the boys and girls sports programs had Varsity, Junior Varsity, C and D teams in several sports, like basketball and baseball/softball. I was a C / D player my one year in the program, before I hurt my knee. 

 

For things like swimming, cross country, and track and field, everyone who wanted to got to compete. The kids with less experience knew that they were mostly competing to improve their own personal records, and that their efforts weren't going to count towards the team's scores, but they were still a part of the team, and encouraged by the coaches and other athletes.

 

My brother was told that he could be the last guy on the Varsity soccer team, and likely not play much at all, or he could be on the JV team and get lots of playing time. He jumped at the chance to play JV. Some other kid got the "prestige" of saying he was on the Varsity team. 

[Χά�ων]

It is never fair in sports.

One kid gets on the team because his parent has money.

Another kid makes the team because he is the kid of a board member of that sports league.

Another one gets on the team because he is the coach's kid.

My friend's kid got on the team because he had portable lights and a pickup truck and was willing to set up portable lights so the team could practice in the winter after dark.

Another kid is on the team because his dad or mom played a sport professionally or at a top college and they practice with their kid.

One kid made the team because he is the best friend of the coach's kid.

Another kid made the team because the coach looked at the parents of the kid and realized his mom is 5'11" and his dad is 6'5" and the kid has the genetic potential to be really tall and that would eventually benefit the team.

ETA: I forgot one more- kids who have birthdays right after the cut-off for that sport, usually Jan.-March birthdays so they are the oldest kids (my kids have December birthdays, which really aren't good for many sports).

 

 

The same can be said for college. Some people can pay full price for any college in the US and can pay for tutors. Someone has to pay full price and almost all colleges are NOT need blind. So my those kids have a huge advantage. It also isn't a fair competition if your parents are highly educated compared to kids whose parents never graduated high school.

 

Life isn't fair. If the PP wants to pay for private coaching for her kid, good for her. It makes their family happy. If her kid makes the team over another kid, that's life.

 

ETA: I wasn't referring to OP's kid, I was referring to the PP who pays for private training for her child even though it isn't for a spot on an elite team. In regards to OP, I really am sorry, it isn't an even playing field, especially when a team coach is the one conducting the private training. The coach is going to want to pick the kid whose parents lined his pockets.

 

My son's coach is not getting rich off of him, not at this level and not in this area. Maybe somewhere, someone is getting rich off of parents paying a ton for their child to be in a sport, but not so much here. All of my son's coaches have either have full time jobs elsewhere or would otherwise be a stay at home parent. Some were supplementing their income to pay for their own child's passion. Some parents worked a few hours over time to pay for it or used their tax return for it. One of my son's teammates is the child of a former college pitcher. The parent gives enough private pitching lesson's to pay for the child's lessons (different sport). One coach uses all his vacation time through his full time job for the travel, and his fees only covered travel expenses. He usually has one or two kids he and his wife were chaperoning so it was not like they were on a romantic retreat. It was his (and his very patient wife's) dedication to the sport, not money, that drove him.

 

I am sure there are people who are able to employ a full time trainer for their child, just like there are people able to employ a full time house keeper, tutor, or nanny. This is very far from the norm in my experience. I highly doubt that it is the norm anywhere except among the wealthiest. The rest of us scrimp, save and sacrifice things that others take for granted to fit it into the budget. 

[regentrude]

I'm totally judgey. They are kids, the vast majority of whom are not bound for the Olympics or professional teams.

 

I am not sure what that has to do with it.

The vast majority of children who receive private instrument lessons are not bound for a career as a professional musician. Does that mean having a kid take piano lessons is ridiculous? Are only children's activities worthwhile that lead to a career goal?

 

I don't even like sports much, LOL, but I feel we measure by two different yard sticks. Some people who complain about not being able to afford coaching have their children take music lessons, because that is what they prioritize.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

When I was in high school, both the boys and girls sports programs had Varsity, Junior Varsity, C and D teams in several sports, like basketball and baseball/softball. I was a C / D player my one year in the program, before I hurt my knee. 

 

For things like swimming, cross country, and track and field, everyone who wanted to got to compete. The kids with less experience knew that they were mostly competing to improve their own personal records, and that their efforts weren't going to count towards the team's scores, but they were still a part of the team, and encouraged by the coaches and other athletes.

 

My brother was told that he could be the last guy on the Varsity soccer team, and likely not play much at all, or he could be on the JV team and get lots of playing time. He jumped at the chance to play JV. Some other kid got the "prestige" of saying he was on the Varsity team. 

 

At that time we didn't have anything but JV and V.  They did allow pretty much anyone to join JV, but if you weren't any good you'd never get to play.  Ever. 

[regentrude]

Another funny things that makes an "uneven" playing field...climate. Kids from warm climates can play baseball year round. Kids from colder climates have more ice rinks so they can play ice sports more often.

 

 

Or other aspects of geography like small vs big town.

It is not possible in our town to train the sport DS wants to train at the level that he would need. The closest is the city 100 miles away. If we lived there, he could train five days a week, but as it is, there is no way I can carve out seven hours of each day to make that happen.

 

And forget rock climbing, my sport of choice. No rocks.

[Χά�ων]

I am not sure what that has to do with it.

The vast majority of children who receive private instrument lessons are not bound for a career as a professional musician. Does that mean having a kid take piano lessons is ridiculous? Are only children's activities worthwhile that lead to a career goal?

 

I don't even like sports much, LOL, but I feel we measure by two different yard sticks. Some people who complain about not being able to afford coaching have their children take music lessons, because that is what they prioritize.

Needs to be said again. 

[Dmmetler]

I don't have anything against the kids who spend a huge amount of time and money on try-out based elite teams. I just wish they wouldn't come into rec teams and assume they're going to be elite teams. It seems like DD has at least one of those on her rec team every year, and that parent ends up causing 99% of the drama-mostly because, no, a rec team that costs $50/season isn't going to be managed like an elite team that costs $1500. 

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh yeah I have no issue with kids striving for elite teams or parents spending money on any of it.  I just wish there were more opportunities for the vast majority of people who just want to play for fun.  Here they have a lot more opportunities for kids in that category than where I used to live.  So that's nice.  We can't access any of it as homeschoolers, but that's another discussion.

 

 

[AnnE-girl]

I am not sure what that has to do with it.

The vast majority of children who receive private instrument lessons are not bound for a career as a professional musician. Does that mean having a kid take piano lessons is ridiculous? Are only children's activities worthwhile that lead to a career goal?

 

I don't even like sports much, LOL, but I feel we measure by two different yard sticks. Some people who complain about not being able to afford coaching have their children take music lessons, because that is what they prioritize.

I mean that at that level of intense practice, especially when it's more parent driven, it seems to be setting up many kids for overuse injuries. As a parent I can't see putting my kid at that sort of risk unless there is absolute passion for an activity on his part. Just my opinion as a parent of kids who like a lot of different activities.

[regentrude]

I mean that at that level of intense practice, especially when it's more parent driven, it seems to be setting up many kids for overuse injuries.

 

Oh, I agree the drive should not come from the parent but from the child.

But again, the same is true for instrument practice.

[Χά�ων]

Oh, I agree the drive should not come from the parent but from the child.

But again, the same is true for instrument practice.

:iagree:

[maize]

I am not sure what that has to do with it.

The vast majority of children who receive private instrument lessons are not bound for a career as a professional musician. Does that mean having a kid take piano lessons is ridiculous? Are only children's activities worthwhile that lead to a career goal?

 

I don't even like sports much, LOL, but I feel we measure by two different yard sticks. Some people who complain about not being able to afford coaching have their children take music lessons, because that is what they prioritize.

I agree that so much is about priorities.

 

I have two aunts who raised their families with very, very little money. Music was important to both of them, and they made a huge effort to give their kids opportunities in that direction. I have a couple of grown cousins with advanced music degrees, and several more with the ability to play and enjoy music.

 

I have a child who is passionate about a particular type of dance. We are far from wealthy, but yes I have paid for private lessons for her and will continue to do so to support her passion as much as I am able. I am prioritizing something she loves that has been a hugely positive influence in her life.

 

I have a lot of kids and limited resources, and it is true that many opportunities that money could buy will remain out of reach. But there is always some leeway for choosing how to use the time and resources we do have available. I drive a twenty year old van because I would rather spend the available funds on kids' activities than on a newer car.

[Carrie12345]

Or other aspects of geography like small vs big town.

It is not possible in our town to train the sport DS wants to train at the level that he would need. The closest is the city 100 miles away. If we lived there, he could train five days a week, but as it is, there is no way I can carve out seven hours of each day to make that happen.

 

And forget rock climbing, my sport of choice. No rocks.

 

In our area, rec Little League requires quite a bit of driving.  Our main home field is 14 miles and 30 minutes away, with a few even farther.  Away fields can be a haul.  I spend way more in gas than I do equipment, registration, concessions, and pictures combined.  It's completely understandable that some may not be able to afford or even logistically accommodate that.  Some kids will miss out and that stinks. It doesn't make those of us who can any better or worse.

 

I can understand disappointment. Truly.  I didn't have youth sports b/c my parents chose other things for our family. I managed to become a fully functional adult with no dysfunctional resentment and continue to embrace the skills and values of the things my family emphasized.  :)

 

My kids would happily pursue sports, music, dance, art, travel, camping, acting, video gaming, and a million clubs to their fullest potential if time and money were no object, but they are. So we pick what we can do and do the most we can with it.

 

For whatever it's worth, we do the same with academics.  Please don't ask me to spend less (or more) on our homeschool to create a more even playing field.

[Carrie12345]

I mean that at that level of intense practice, especially when it's more parent driven, it seems to be setting up many kids for overuse injuries. As a parent I can't see putting my kid at that sort of risk unless there is absolute passion for an activity on his part. Just my opinion as a parent of kids who like a lot of different activities.

 

And a quality trainer would help children to AVOID overuse injuries.  (Of course not all trainers are quality.)  Just saying!

[MyThreeSons]

To the bolded I am laughing. I have less money than most because of my son's very expensive medical needs. I keep my income low enough to keep him on the state medicaid (under 150% of the federal poverty level for our family size). I have been trying to get a medical exemption so I can go back to work but once again the deadline for the state to decide has passed with no decision so I will have to reapply. Again. Gotta love red tape and bureaucracy. Without that exemption, my going back to work will end up putting me in the position to have to pick between my son's medicine or putting food on the table because I will fall in that rather large gap between qualifying for help and being able to afford it. 

 

..... <snip> ......

 

Yes, Aelwydd is correct, I have made choices to support my son in this area vs sending him to a private school, taking vacations, driving a nicer car, living in a larger house, putting him in robotics, eating out and the list goes on and on. My son spends more hours/week practicing his sport than the other kids on his team in order to keep up due to his health. His is a long hard road. His illness makes his sport even harder for him and sometimes I wonder if that is why he picked it over something less physically demanding on his body. He loves a challenge and has grown to love to train. 

 

This doesn't compute to me. I understand walking that fine line to keep the medical coverage for your son. But  I don't understand how anyone living under that threshold would have the "choice" of private school, vacations, etc. 

[Χά�ων]

This doesn't compute to me. I understand walking that fine line to keep the medical coverage for your son. But I don't understand how anyone living under that threshold would have the "choice" of private school, vacations, etc.

We outright own our home and are reverse grid electric and have a well. When my son got sick I put my entire savings into it and walked away from my work. The original prognosis for him was grim and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. I am thrilled to say the worst has not happened!

 

Some of the smaller Catholic private schools are about the same as I pay annually for sports. They do not go past 8th grade though. The more expensive ones and most of the high schools (unless my DS tested high enough to get a significant tuition reduction) are completely out of the question, no matter how much I want them to be. I look every other year or so and actually just had a freak out a month or so ago and came very close to enrolling him for 6th grade.

[Amy in NH]

Hi, my kid works with a personal trainer and is heavily involved in his sport of choice.

 

He is not going to the olympics, my budget cannot afford it and while he does fine, his health is such that he is unable to get to the elite level. He even works to pay for more lessons.

 

He has a personal trainer because he wants one. Since he was 6. Yes, six. I put him off as long as possible. I finally gave in.

 

My son has his mind made up and wants this. He would prefer to attend a boarding school that has focus on training and he cried when he was 8 and I refused to send him to one out of state. Some kids are just weird like this.

 

To be fair, I cannot stand the parents of 4, 5 and 6 year olds who put their child in a sport, pay for 5-6 hours a week of lessons to make sure their kid is the best at it and do not care about their child's interests or desires. It is to stroke the parents ego. I hate those parents. Hockey was the worse and I swear 99% of the dads suffered from little man syndrome.

 

I am not a fan of how sports are moving towards competitive teams and ditching recreational levels. My son still enjoys playing other sports recreationally. It is insane that he cannot play for fun, because there are no rec leagues for his age.

 

How would a six or eight year old even know that such things exist?!

[Χά�ων]

How would a six or eight year old even know that such things exist?!

I still have no idea how he knew at 6 to ask to go to a gym. I am not a gym rat and while we belonged to a gym he went to the kid care area when I worked out.

 

By 7 he was skating and playing hockey and was friends with much older kids and teens who had personal trainers and private coaching. That is how he knew about the more intensive options then.

[MysteryJen]

This conversation is always interesting to me. Not just because my oldest is about to leave to give private lessons (in the kids' own pool). The parents were high level athletes and they are happy to spend money for extra instruction. I am sure professional musicians are happy to spend money and find the best opportunities for music and their kids. Kids in theater or dance take lessons and I am sure many of them have private instruction as well. People are going to spend money and time for what is valuable to them and their kids. Kids who show talent and dedication often get people offering to help them.

 

Sports are hard. No matter the amount of instruction or pushing by the parents, the kids still have to perform. That is why things get better as they get older. Kids who don't love it stop wanting to please their parents. Parents mature. Kids all manage to get through puberty and early size advantage disappears.

But, sports (sometimes more clearly than anything else) teaches us that there is always someone taller, stronger, faster, smarter, more passionate, more willing to work, and sometimes luckier. That is life. It is not fair. Superstars and Olympic medalists are all of those things. Even they run into the opponent that can beat them.

As a parent, I have found you cannot be bitter about the unfairness. Your kid will pick up that attitude And it will not serve them well. All you can do is encourage hard work and practice, fitness, and a good attitude. Then, it is up to your kid.

[Mommy22alyns]

YUCK.

 

My neighbor pays 1400 a month for gymnastics lessons for her daughter.  Crazy.

 

I am sorry your son didn't get in.

 

 

HOLY CRAP.  Is she at an elite gym or a super high level? I'm floored.  Clearly, we aren't near that price range.

[Χά�ων]

 

But, sports (sometimes more clearly than anything else) teaches us that there is always someone taller, stronger, faster, smarter, more passionate, more willing to work, and sometimes luckier. That is life. It is not fair. Superstars and Olympic medalists are all of those things. Even they run into the opponent that can beat them.

 

I think this is it. 

 

I also think it is hard when your child joins a new sport and is put along side those who have been at it, even at the recreational level, for years. It does not look fair and it can take a year or two of hard work and dedication to 'catch up'. But that is true of all things. In sports, when you are standing next to someone with more experience, it is painfully obvious. 

[Χά�ων]

HOLY CRAP.  Is she at an elite gym or a super high level? I'm floored.  Clearly, we aren't near that price range.

I kept rereading that number hoping I misread it. We are no where near that price range either and never will be. 

 

I do not know enough about gymnastics to know what a good price range is.

[laundrycrisis]

ITA, it goes to insane extremes, and the opportunities to participate in sports on a recreational level are disappearing.   I'm not sure we will find any rec baseball opportunities for our older son after next year.  We are making a shift away from the team sport toward more individual, all ages active pursuits that are easier to arrange participation in without needing to make a team. 

[MyThreeSons]

We outright own our home and are reverse grid electric and have a well. When my son got sick I put my entire savings into it and walked away from my work. The original prognosis for him was grim and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. I am thrilled to say the worst has not happened!

 

Some of the smaller Catholic private schools are about the same as I pay annually for sports. They do not go past 8th grade though. The more expensive ones and most of the high schools (unless my DS tested high enough to get a significant tuition reduction) are completely out of the question, no matter how much I want them to be. I look every other year or so and actually just had a freak out a month or so ago and came very close to enrolling him for 6th grade.

 

Not having to pay rent or a mortgage would definitely make a huge difference. I had never heard of "reverse grid electric", and I'm still not sure I fully understand after trying to Google it, but it sounds interesting. 

[teachermom2834]

If we want to talk extremes I live in a hotbed for baseball talent. People from other areas of the country fly private planes into town to pick up kids to pitch for teams in other areas of the country. The one kid I knew who was being flown around when he was 10 and 11 was not very good anymore in high school. No injury or anything. Puberty just changes things.

 

One cannot assume a child without such advantages will be left behind. Now, I do think the kids need to keep at it and play as much as is feasible for the family, but one cannot assume it is just the big spenders still competing at the end.

[Reefgazer]

When DD was in early elementary and preschool she went to the same gym for gymnastics that trained Gabby Douglas. The better she got, the more they wanted in time. So we gave a little more, and then when she got better they wanted even more. And more time; and more time. We finally quit because we were not going to Live, eat, and sleep gymnastics. But, yup, at that elite level in larger city, $1400 is not out of the norm when you add up clothing, any travel, and training every day, multiple times a day.

 

HOLY CRAP. Is she at an elite gym or a super high level? I'm floored. Clearly, we aren't near that price range.

[MysteryJen]

 

Puberty just changes things.

 

This is very true. Which is why kids need to focus on building the character traits that will serve them well their entire life. Hard work, taking instruction from coaches, showing up, teamwork, and not whining.

 

In swimming, the sport I know best, early puberty does confer advantages. Full grown twelve year old girls are going to be much, much faster than twelve year olds who are still girls. But those girls at 15 are the same size as they were at 12, whereas the late bloomers may tower over them. But if those late bloomers kept working they will find success when it matters, in high school.

Failure can be the best teacher. Parents have to be okay with that, so that their kids will be too.

[amsunshine]

Do these summer sports camps ever offer scholarships or financial aid?  

 

Just wondering.  My older dd dances at a pre-pro ballet school.  We don't do private lessons because we can't afford them.  Many of the girls at her studio have privates every week, and a few have several each week -- it's insane (to us).  But dd has done very well without them -- she has gotten very nice scholarship offers for the past two years for summer programs, which tells me her training (even without private lessons), is good.  We would not be able to afford summer programs without scholarships.  

 

Perhaps scholarships or financial aid for other types of sports camps might be available?

[Χά�ων]

Do these summer sports camps ever offer scholarships or financial aid?  

 

Just wondering.  My older dd dances at a pre-pro ballet school.  We don't do private lessons because we can't afford them.  Many of the girls at her studio have privates every week, and a few have several each week -- it's insane (to us).  But dd has done very well without them -- she has gotten very nice scholarship offers for the past two years for summer programs, which tells me her training (even without private lessons), is good.  We would not be able to afford summer programs without scholarships.  

 

Perhaps scholarships or financial aid for other types of sports camps might be available?

There were scholarships for one of the sports my son did, hockey. But I am unaware of any for his current sport. I cannot speak to any other sports, though I think it would be wonderful if there was.

[maize]

The cost of something like gymnastics varies a lot from place to place. An elite gym in a high cost of living area will cost much more than a regular gym in a low cost of living area. Same for music lessons etc.

[MysteryJen]

We have found that there is informal help. It usually comes of discounted lessons, or dues, aka family rates. It never hurts to ask, especially if your kid is passionate and a hard worker.

[Aelwydd]

Another funny thing that makes an "uneven" playing field...climate. Kids from warm climates can play baseball year round. Kids from colder climates have more ice rinks so they can play ice sports more often.

 

Look at all the southern colleges in the College Baseball World Series. Look at all the northern colleges in NCAA Ice Hockey Finals.

 

It is geography plus history but I bet there are people saying "not fair!" :lol:

So true!

 

I think before a person decides that personal coaching = spoiled athlete, please consider that we deliberately put Jackson into ice hockey to improve lung strength. Piano lessons and theater and spelling bees are great, but they do not really help prevent a hospital stay due to severe asthma.

 

As I said earlier, we play at the house level here, so that we can afford some private lessons for ds.

 

Also, regarding having X to spend, instead of Y, please remember some of us choose smaller families with such things in mind. We have one child, we do not own a home, and we have one car. We took a family vacation 4 years ago.

 

I understand that different people have different priorities. I get that. But just because my kid sometimes gets a hockey lesson does not mean I have got wild amounts of money to spend. As if!!

 

Yes, the wealthy parents in our area get their kids onto the best teams, and the organizations actually work to exclude non-wealthy parents such as me and my dh.

 

We will go as far as we can, and we are considering a move to a state with more opportunities for ds. That's all we can do, but I don't think we deserve anyone's contempt for doing the best we can for our kid!

[Jennay]

ITA, it goes to insane extremes, and the opportunities to participate in sports on a recreational level are disappearing. I'm not sure we will find any rec baseball opportunities for our older son after next year. We are making a shift away from the team sport toward more individual, all ages active pursuits that are easier to arrange participation in without needing to make a team.

I tried to multi-quote this and another previous post about baseball but I can't get multi-quote to work.

 

Anyway, one of my sons always wanted to play baseball but I was unwilling to dedicate the amount of time needed at the expense of the rest of the family. He also didn't want to give up other activities that potentially would have conflicted with practice.

So...we started our own pick-up baseball group. I reserved a nearby field for free, emailed a bunch of fellow homeschoolers, and managed to get 10-12 other boys who want to do the same thing - just play some baseball. We met one afternoon each week for a couple hours with one of the dad overseeing the games and they just played. Each family provided their own batting helmets, gloves, and people brought a variety of bats. One family owned some bases. Little siblings ran around on the playground nearby and moms chatted. It was wonderful.

[Aelwydd]

How would a six or eight year old even know that such things exist?!

That is what a driven kid looks like. Ask my city bred parents how at the same age, I was asking about Warmbloods and dressage and the kinds of ways I wanted to train my horse. I knew where I wanted to train, even. We had no cable, and we did not run in those circles, so to speak. My school library had books though, and I had a passion.

[MotherGoose]

Re: music lessons. This is my personal opinion and what makes sense to me: I know others may see it differently. However, I make my children take piano lessons, privately, because that's the only way I know to get them. They are $95 a month, so very affordable for me, (and compared to the sports, for others). We have a $1000 piano. Piano lessons help with mathematical thinking, rhythm, appreciation of music, and so many other things. Plus I can send dd into practice piano, in my own house, without much time or commitment from me. And, when she's 40 or 80 she can still play the piano if she wants to. There's no risk of her breaking an arm or whatever when playing piano. Even if she never plays again, she'll still know how to read music when it's time to sing an unfamiliar song in church. I don't think childhood baseball skills transfer in the same way, especially if you end up with some serious injury--I've known several teenagers who have had surgery for various things related to football, cheerleading, etc. You can be pretty sure you won't be doing gymnastics when you are 40. DD also takes horseback riding lessons, because she wants to, but we aren't getting a horse, and if she begins showing horses it will be more of a fun thing and a learning to compete/perform thing rather than me being a "horse mom?" is there such a thing?? where it becomes our life. One thing I like about the horse show stuff is that you can do as many shows or as few shows as you like: there's no "team" depending on you.

[bzymom]

I understand your frustration OP.

 

But I think we may be talking about several different scenarios.  There are a few (very few) kids whose passion, drive, and goals to succeed within a sport come from within, and are sustained.  I completely get having a self-motivated child in any sport (or art or science, etc.), and going above and beyond to facilitate their continued progress and growth within their activity.

 

The very large majority of kids in my area are put in sports by 3, and the intensity of the parents is extreme.  For babies.  Kicking/hitting/throwing a ball.  Yelling from sidelines, kids criticized for "daydreaming", cursing at coaches, etc.  For babies.  This pattern continues, the intensity escalates, and it is private coaching, private training, many hours of practice every.single.day.of.the.year.  By the age of 7 I am hearing about college plans and scouting and parents are driving 6 hours every Saturday morning for a competition.   I have a neighbor whose child had to practice pitching every day, timed by parent, speed monitored by radar.  And then they build a ball field behind their house, complete with backstop, bleachers, etc.  Child suffered many overuse injuries, came to hate the sport once loved, and quit.  Repercussions from parents are ongoing, and there is a lot of "do you know what we invested in you?"

 

From my perspective, there is a culture of intensity in kids' sports/activities that sucks the fun out of it and changes the lessons learned in the sports from "graceful winning, graceful losing", "sometimes you're the star, sometimes you ride the bench" or "no effort, no field time" to "do it spectacularly every time.  We need you to be a star.  Your whole life depends upon this pee-wee game."  Yuck.

 

I would love to see a group of kids grab a bat and ball, head out and play.  And have no parents nearby to "help".

[Carrie12345]

 Piano lessons help with mathematical thinking, rhythm, appreciation of music, and so many other things. Plus I can send dd into practice piano, in my own house, without much time or commitment from me. And, when she's 40 or 80 she can still play the piano if she wants to. There's no risk of her breaking an arm or whatever when playing piano. Even if she never plays again, she'll still know how to read music when it's time to sing an unfamiliar song in church. I don't think childhood baseball skills transfer in the same way, especially if you end up with some serious injury--

 You're wrong. The skills do transfer in the same way, just different skills.  Baseball and softball have done amazing things for my kids as overall growing people.  

[MysteryJen]

Bzymom, the kids you are talking about, in my experience, are fairly rare. Mostly because it takes a ton of money to make that happen. But those are the kids that do not last. They are not playing or competing in high school. Actually most of the kids I know whose parents were crazy intense and threw tons of money at the sport flame out in middle school.

 

Unless you are looking at Olympic level women's gymnastics, athletes need to last well past middle school.