ProudGrandma Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Maybe this is unique to our area of the country...but we have kids and parents traveling 3 hours or more away for school related ball games and tournaments. And this isn't like once or twice...it's like several times in a season.  And, if they aren't traveling long distances, they are playing games 3-5 times a week and then practices on top of that...starting at 2nd and 3rd grade.  What is the HUGE push for SO many hours of sports related activities?   And then on top of all of that...all summer long kids around here are going to one sport camp after another.  It seems like some kids spend more time on their sport(s) than anything else...including real time with their families, school or even just down time.   My husband is a pastor and we used to have a weekly youth group time with our youth in our church...but now it is IMPOSSIBLE...sports rule and that is it.  I totally can see how kids can get sucked up into the whole idea...but it seems that the parents are as bad (if not worse) than the kids.   Sure, I have my opinion about this whole thing.  One of my sons is very athletic and if he were in PS, he would totally want to be on every sports team available....and he would be sought after by the coaches.  But we would put our foot down with the high demands put on these kids.  The coaches around here are hired and fired based on their winning record.  Kids are in the starting line up based on their performance, their attendance of all practices....if you are just an average player, there is really very little use for you on any team.  It's almost like they were playing for college or something.   there used to be a time when Sunday was (at the very least) looked at as a family day (however we also look at it as a day set aside for church) where now, they are playing games on Sunday...and  even if the game doesn't start until 1, if the bus has to leave by 9 or 10  to get there...so much for church and family time.  Also, it seems like there are more and more days where our PS lets out early or doesn't even have school because of some game some where.  Is it just me?  is it just here?  What am I missing?  Why is sports so important that it takes priority over nearly everything else??  And it's just sports...it's not music. It's not drama....it is ONLY sports.  So, what is up???  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 My sister fell into this trap with her dd and volleyball. She spent 1000s of dollars......I would guess as much as 20k over junior high and high school for her kid to play ball. The sell was a possibility of scholarships.....I think my niece got a scholarship but it was far from a free ride. Â My sister learned her lesson though and pulled her 2 younger dds out of cheer which she could see heading down the same path. Â My dss13 is in school band and it has caused huge issues with visitation with his dad. Â I don't get the appeal either. I never have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 The same thing is true here - it baffles me equally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I think you are right in that a lot of parents are pushing it and it is as much (or more) for them than the kids. Â I find it sad as we have an 11 year old foster boy who might like to play sports but it is SOOO hard to find a RECREATIONAL level team for him to join even at 11. Â Most of the kids have been playing since they were 5 or 6 so light years ahead of him in training/practice/ability so it would be hard to him to start a sport now.........and he is ONLY 11. Â He is doing a track program through school 2 days a week for 8 weeks where they prepare for a 5K local fun run. Â We hope he really enjoys that. Â He has court ordered visitation twice a week so that rules out almost all other sports as no coach is going to take on a child that will miss 1-2 practices a week. Â Right now they are on T and F but that could change if either parent get a different job, moves, etc. Â We hope to maybe have him do a YMCA day camp type thing where they just explore a different theme or sport for the day but much more low key. Â I want and he NEEDS time to just be a kid and have fun. Â We are rural but do live 2 doors down from the elementary school and kitty corner from the township park so maybe in the summer there will be some kids to just play with and hang out with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 We spend a lot of money and invest a huge amount of time so our kids can play travel hockey because we all love it. Why is that hard to understand, and why do you think you get to judge whether these families spend real time together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProudGrandma Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 sorry if I came across judgmental.  I didn't mean to offend.  With the families around here who have multiple kids...dad goes in one direction with one kid and mom goes a different direction with another kid...and the other kids go in different directions at friends home...or they get split and get to spend hours in the car driving to games.  To me, that is not family time...but if that is your definition, then so be it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Well, surely we are one of the families you are ranting about. We do travel trips and yes, spend hundreds, if not thousands on our kids' sports. And yes, we compete on Sundays as well. I would challenge your assumption that it is just sports. We know families spending the equivalent amount of money and time on dance or music. Marching band is a big one. We do it because we have a couple of kids involved that are hugely talented. Yes, scholarships are few and far between, but I could not look myself in the mirror if I did not do what I could for my child's talent and passion. These kids were given to me for a short time with talents that are God-given and I have a responsibility to that. Â I can't speak for all parents, but that is why we do what we do. And I guess I don't really care if other people think it is foolish, shortsighted or ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Well, I have some ideas for what may be behind the "mindset."  It may be something families choose as a way for dads to connect with their kids. Not to be stereotypical, but I can think of many dads (including non-custodial dads) who don't have a lot of other interests they can share with their kids in a meaningful way.  It may be a way of being involved with their preferred social group. Especially if they don't have many kids to hang with in their neighborhoods.  It may be a way of combating obesity and/or behavior issues.  Then again, it could be frustrated parents living out their dreams through their kids.  My kids aren't in travel sports, but they have activities every day. It's been our routine for years, so it isn't usually a big deal for us. My kids need to have sustained physical activity every day, and it's easier for me to put them in sports than to crack the whip myself every day. Plus they do enjoy the learning, the competition (when it applies), and the social aspect of it. As for me, I participate in some of it for my own health; I enjoy watching and/or socializing at some of the activities; and as for the rest, I can bring my work computer or send someone else to be the chauffer. :)  Another thing. Hanging around the house may or may not be a good use of time for a given family. It depends on what is going on there, whether there's enough opportunity for movement, whether there are positive or negative adult role models, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I don't think you meant your post as a judgement on all kids/parents that play organized sports to an extensive degree.  At least I'm hoping not.  Our kids are both in sports.  It would break their hearts to have to give it up.  Believe me, our lives would be much simpler if they weren't involved.  BUT, I truly believe that sports/activities have helped them become better kids in many ways.  I won't go into listing them, but there are several.   Yes, there are some days when I take one child and my husband takes another.  But, maybe we savor the one-on-one time that we get with that child.  Maybe, the next weekend we swap kids/activities to have one-on-one with the other child.  When only one child has an activity, we all go together to cheer on that child.  It is bonding time - our car ride there and back is quality time.  More quality time than we'd get around our dinner table that night if we were home.   Maybe you're trying to justify not having your child be on sports teams or looked at by coaches in the future (which is rare anyway).  That is fine, it doesn't really bother me when other families make different choices than we do.   *edited for spelling error Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 sorry if I came across judgmental.  I didn't mean to offend.  With the families around here who have multiple kids...dad goes in one direction with one kid and mom goes a different direction with another kid...and the other kids go in different directions at friends home...or they get split and get to spend hours in the car driving to games.  To me, that is not family time...but if that is your definition, then so be it.  This statement was judgemental, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Family time is time spent together. It can be at home, in the car, in a hotel, or at the pool. I treasure my time with my kids and so does Dh. I do resent being told it is not family time, even if only with one child. I have 5, time alone with them is precious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 My son was never into sports and we had the same issue finding rec leagues for things he was marginally interested in. But we have friends that do devote that amount of time and $ into sports, most that we know are doing it because the child has developed a passion for it and it does become a family affair.  I see it like any interest a child might have, sports, music, dance, these cost time and money. My son has always been into computers and last year a family member helped him build a computer that cost hundreds of dollars - I certainly didn't have it - but if I did I would have had no qualms about helping him out. I consider it like his "sport" - iow I will allow time and money to be funneled toward that activity because it's important to him. It has turned into a possible career choice.     Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I agree that some of my most special times with my kids are those rare occasions when it's just me and one daughter. My girls are much more likely to feel safe opening up emotionally if Sister isn't listening and butting in the whole time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 My youngest recently told me she wants to move from basic riding lessons to competition. Yikes. I don't think I can or will do it. But if I did, I'm sure some people would be thinking this was all my idea to live out my personal dream through my kids.  If I didn't have to work full-time (single mom), maybe I would do it. I don't see anything wrong with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 If its something the family (the kids participating too) ENJOYS doing (as they are not complaining constantly about it) and they are able to afford it than its all good to me. I'm sure my girls will be in some sort of travel league thing since that's all that is really available (and even then just getting to the activity will be a drive). Also the private school the go to/will go belong to a rural parochial schools sports league (and of course being rural means you are going to travel Ă°Å¸ËœÅ ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 sorry if I came across judgmental.  I didn't mean to offend.  With the families around here who have multiple kids...dad goes in one direction with one kid and mom goes a different direction with another kid...and the other kids go in different directions at friends home...or they get split and get to spend hours in the car driving to games.  To me, that is not family time...but if that is your definition, then so be it.  Gosh, I was thinking this was a pretty fair explanation of what you see explaining your mindset...until the bolded. Ouch.  My children do theater, dance, choir. They can be comparable in terms of commitment of time and money, especially the theater productions, and even more especially for families in which the parents volunteer extensively.  From the outside, I can see that it looks pretty crazy. From the inside, I see the community that's been built. Because I've been with one of the organizations for several years, I can see that lifelong friendships have been formed between the children and between parents. My children have formed solid meaningful friendships, friendships that extend beyond the activities themselves, and so have I. At my son's old dance studio, the parents with kids on travel teams seemed to enjoy themselves together so much. :) My sister's daughter did gymnastics for years, and the shared time formed friendships that have lasted beyond the activity. I imagine it's the same with sports teams. It's not just about the sports, it's about the relationships that have been built during the shared time and work.  I can see from your perspective that it's probably frustrating because the community formed by sports activities seems to be replacing the community formed by the church. (And by families, as so many families live away from one another, and by neighborhoods, as neighbors become increasingly isolated from one another. And so on....)  Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I am answering this from a distinctly Christian point of view. I realize that others may not understand my priorities, but nonetheless, here they are.  Upon further reflection, I think there are two things that bother me. As a Christian, Christian fellowship is very important. I do not understand why Christian parents prioritize spending time and money on sports over doing the same within the family of Christ. Surveys have shown that 20% of church members give 100% of the money, 100% of the volunteer time, etc., yet I think the number of church families that spend more time and money on sports for their children is far greater. That is my personal observation, not something I can quantify with an outside survey. When Christians get together, talk of sports  often dominates the conversations, either sports their children participate in, college sports or professional sports. Often, very little time is spent actually finding out how people are doing instead of what they are doing (going to games, watching games, reading sports sites, sports interviews, shopping for equipment, fundraisers, etc.). I think the emphasis is on the wrong things. Christian fellowship should be different. It is a privilege many in the world don't have and should be distinctly different than how we operate in the wider world. It is a time for us to come together to encourage one another in the faith, not in the sports arena.  The second thing that bothers me is the early emphasis on sports at the expense of relationships.  There are more and more organized sports groups and correspondingly fewer opportunities for kids to get together and play. When I was younger, football meant a game of touch football at the house on the corner, with everyone who wanted to play taking part. We organized it ourselves, going door to door to round up teams and there were no adults involved. Now, it is vastly different than that, with kids jumping into minivans and riding who knows where to play with people that they don't know and don't see outside of their sport. There is less community involved. The participants in the sports are a community of their own, with nowhere for others who don't have that common experience to have a part. In contrast we played, went to school, some went to the same churches and spent time with the each other throughout my childhood. If you didn't have sports in common, you likely had another hobby or interest in common. Often, the fact that we were in the same neighborhood was the very simple basis of friendship. I think we were more "rounded," for lack of a better term. We also grew up and got jobs when we were in high school. Sports and play took a back seat to faith, family and work.  I do realize that things are different in the way that the world at large works and even in the way that local churches operate, but the tenants of the Christian faith have not changed.   Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 My kids go to a Lutheran school, and the school plays competitive sports. So I am not sure an emphasis on sports works against an emphasis on faith. I think sports are viewed as important in developing the whole person.  Yes, I've heard a couple Christian leaders do the tsk-tsk thing about multiple extracurriculars, but one of those people turned around and asked for prayers for her daughter to win a lead role in theatre, so ....  I think competitive sports can develop character if the parents have a healthy attitude. I've seen families that do have a healthy attitude and great kids notwithstanding the unusual emphasis on one or two extracurriculars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I also think that neighborhoods, on average, no longer offer the social opportunities they used to. Until this past summer, there were no kids for mine to play with on our street. And it was scary to send them to the park a mile away, because folks call the cops when they see that nowadays. So our sports/exercise options were organized activities or solo activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Tech wife, I am sure that you do not mean to be hurtful, but your post was. My dd1 trains more than 20 hours a week, the younger kids about half that. That does not include competition. Hours and hours are spent with the same group of people. This is our community and my kids and I have formed excellent friendships with people who share the same interest and values of sportsmanship, personal integrity and the value of competition. My church friends have dropped off because I have gotten nothing but judgment about our family decisions. If we go to Mass Saturday night or stop at a different parish closer to the meet, guess what, still went to church. And encouraging people in faith does not mean dismissing things that are important to their kids. Faith can be lived out in sports too. Â As far as the halcyon days where kids played touch football after school...they didn't exist for me and in my current neighborhood, kids are in after school care. We started sports to meet people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 To me, that is not family time...but if that is your definition, then so be it.  Gee, if this is you trying not to be judgmental, I'd hate to see what you produced if you were trying.   The second thing that bothers me is the early emphasis on sports at the expense of relationships.  There are more and more organized sports groups and correspondingly fewer opportunities for kids to get together and play. When I was younger, football meant a game of touch football at the house on the corner, with everyone who wanted to play taking part. We organized it ourselves, going door to door to round up teams and there were no adults involved. Now, it is vastly different than that, with kids jumping into minivans and riding who knows where to play with people that they don't know and don't see outside of their sport. There is less community involved. The participants in the sports are a community of their own, with nowhere for others who don't have that common experience to have a part.  That's one type of childhood, but not everyone grew up that way. I grew up in the country. There weren't other kids around. My parents drove me to social opportunities. I didn't have a group of neighborhood kids to run around with. My family actually lives in the city. There are only two (2) other kids in our neighborhood. They got in trouble for torturing a stray cat. I don't want my kids to run around with them.  My kids play travel hockey on three separate teams. Some weekends we are going in opposite directions, but not always. This weekend was the league tournament. My son's games were on Friday and Saturday, and my daughter's were today. We all went to every game (each kid had multiple games). Aside from the time the kids were in the locker room changing or on the ice, we were together ... eating together, socializing with friends on their teams and other teams, watching other games, etc. Had we been at home we wouldn't have been together as much. I'd have been doing laundry and cleaning, the kids would have been doing their stuff, and my husband would have been working (from home, but still working, as his job is very busy right now). Hockey time is part of our family time. It's not really anyone else's concern, because it doesn't affect them. After we got home, we made dinner and spent some time watching The Legend of Korra, which we like to do together. It's now 7:08 pm and we are really separate for the first time since 3 pm Friday.  Perhaps, just perhaps, you can't really tell from the outside looking in what other families' family time is like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Understand that there are probably a few kids who get left behind. Kids who are just not interested in being so competitive. Kids who don't have the ability to to do well or even make a competitive travel team. Â Does your area have a low commitment rec league. Is upward sports low commitment? Maybe if the mentality is that "everyone" be in sports, then maybe your area is missing a friendly, just for fun league. Any chance of finding like minded folks to give that some consideration? Â I agree with the other pps. There are lots of reasons for spending time and money on sports. Scholarships is definitely not one. If you invested all the money some families spend in hopes of a scholarship, the result is often a significant amount more than any scholarship offered. Plus, kids on scholarship essentially have full time job while going to school, commitment to the sport program comes before study. Â Sports, dance, band all have the ability to the child responsiblity, commitment, time management. These are great things to have when leaving home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I am answering this from a distinctly Christian point of view. I realize that others may not understand my priorities, but nonetheless, here they are. Â Upon further reflection, I think there are two things that bother me. As a Christian, Christian fellowship is very important. I do not understand why Christian parents prioritize spending time and money on sports over doing the same within the family of Christ. Surveys have shown that 20% of church members give 100% of the money, 100% of the volunteer time, etc., yet I think the number of church families that spend more time and money on sports for their children is far greater. That is my personal observation, not something I can quantify with an outside survey. When Christians get together, talk of sports often dominates the conversations, either sports their children participate in, college sports or professional sports. Often, very little time is spent actually finding out how people are doing instead of what they are doing (going to games, watching games, reading sports sites, sports interviews, shopping for equipment, fundraisers, etc.). I think the emphasis is on the wrong things. Christian fellowship should be different. It is a privilege many in the world don't have and should be distinctly different than how we operate in the wider world. It is a time for us to come together to encourage one another in the faith, not in the sports arena. Â The second thing that bothers me is the early emphasis on sports at the expense of relationships. There are more and more organized sports groups and correspondingly fewer opportunities for kids to get together and play. When I was younger, football meant a game of touch football at the house on the corner, with everyone who wanted to play taking part. We organized it ourselves, going door to door to round up teams and there were no adults involved. Now, it is vastly different than that, with kids jumping into minivans and riding who knows where to play with people that they don't know and don't see outside of their sport. There is less community involved. The participants in the sports are a community of their own, with nowhere for others who don't have that common experience to have a part. In contrast we played, went to school, some went to the same churches and spent time with the each other throughout my childhood. If you didn't have sports in common, you likely had another hobby or interest in common. Often, the fact that we were in the same neighborhood was the very simple basis of friendship. I think we were more "rounded," for lack of a better term. We also grew up and got jobs when we were in high school. Sports and play took a back seat to faith, family and work. Â I do realize that things are different in the way that the world at large works and even in the way that local churches operate, but the tenants of the Christian faith have not changed. We are a Christian family, and our son plays travel hockey. Those two aspects of our life do not have to be mutually exclusive, and they definitely are not in our family. We are thankful that this season we are on a team with many other Christian families. But we also love those other families that don't share our beliefs. Kind of like how Christ loved and spent time with all sorts of people not just those in his inner circle. Â Our kids--all three of them not just my hockey player--have made close friends through hockey. We spend time hanging out with them outside of game day. We've brought team members to church and my son has gone to church with teammates. We've prayed for the team and have been prayed for when my DH went through a major job transition. As a matter of fact, we had more help and concern from the team families than from our church family. Â My kids have free play with the neighbor kids every day, usually for hours at a time. My kids still go to youth group and we make it to church almost every Sunday. We sometimes will miss church for a tournament but most of the time will miss a game for church. As a matter of fact, we did just that today. The kids attend a homeschool co-op once a week, meet with a homeschool play group weekly, and take music lessons. They have relationships formed at all of those venues. Â It sounds like you are working from a stereotype of what you think life is like for sports families. Maybe it's true to an extent, but certainly doesn't have to be that way and isn't like that at all for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Every time someone gets on here and rants about families spending time on sports at the expense of family and church time, I want to go post a rant about your fat, lazy kids who don't know how get their butts off of the couch. Â And then I'm going to rant about how said fat, lazy kids never learn to take instruction, to work as a team, to suffer for something they love, to work their hineys off to reach a goal. Â And then I'm going to rant about how you're a bunch of selfish cheapskate parents for making your kids stay home to play Monopoly. Â Is that fair? Â Of course not. Â But neither are about half of the comments on this thread. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Several of our children are involved in activities that require multiple practices, classes, or rehearsals per week (ballet and gymnastics). I can see both sides. I am sad that we can't be more involved in our church community due to our family's other commitments. It bothers me. I don't like it that we have to rush off after church to get my kids to ballet rehearsals. Our oldest has not gone to the mid-week youth group, because we have chosen to have her spend that one night at home with the family instead of away from us. I do feel that participation in our activities prevents us from being more involved in our church community and puts constrictions on our family time. I don't like it.  But each family has to determine for themselves what is best for them. My children participate in Sunday school, have Christian friends, and are receiving religious instruction at home in addition to what they learn at church, so they are not being deprived of those things. My husband and I have not been able to be as active ourselves in our church as we would like, but we consider this to be a stage of life that will not last forever. One day we will be able to increase our involvement again.  One of my children happens to be extremely talented in ballet. Not just good for her age, but gifted. I don't want to stand in the way of her achieving her dreams, so we are making some sacrifices. My son the gymnast is not gifted, but gymnastics is very good for him in many ways. Having him involved in such a demanding sport is, at this point, a good choice for his personal development.  We as the parents do not set the schedules for these activities, but in order to participate, we must follow them. Participation is the right choice for us at this particular time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 He has court ordered visitation twice a week so that rules out almost all other sports as no coach is going to take on a child that will miss 1-2 practices a week.  Right now they are on T and F but that could change if either parent get a different job, moves, etc.  Any coach that won't take a child on the team because the child has to miss for court-ordered visitation is a terrible coach, imo. My husband has has been a hockey coach for many years, and he would welcome such a child with open arms. My kids once had a child on their team who missed games every other weekend because the child's father wouldn't bring him to sports when he had visitation. No one held that against the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I sympathize. That is just not us.  However, it has been helpful to my nephew. He has ADHD and swimming every morning for 2 hours (starting at 4am) and then travelling every weekend to tournaments has made a huge improvement in his focus at school and his self esteem. He really needs that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Ballet....horses... anyone?  And not that I am religious, but.  Why would following a child's interest mean one can't worship?  Like my kid would do better to go to teen doughnut/pizza nights? How is Awana (sp?)  and little car races better than any other time spent together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 A friend at work mentioned that her son had expressed an interest in playing football, but was told he'd waited too late to start. Â 3rd grade is too late. Â That is silly. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 The same could be said of anything. My dd plays homeschool basketball. This isn't super competitive like AAU or many of the big high schools but I still spend more money than I would like and drive 2-4 hours most weekends for her games. It is her peer group and she needs the social connection. I've also spent tons of time on Boy Scouts, theater and ballet. The truth is, for us, that without these activities my kids would have few friend/peer opportunities. We live in a very small town where not attending school is a social kiss of death. Our church only has a very few youth age kids (7 or 8?) and they only want to talk about school stuff that excludes my kids. Overall I'd rather spend time on my interests but I don't want my kids sitting bored and lonely around the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 sorry if I came across judgmental. I didn't mean to offend. With the families around here who have multiple kids...dad goes in one direction with one kid and mom goes a different direction with another kid...and the other kids go in different directions at friends home...or they get split and get to spend hours in the car driving to games. To me, that is not family time...but if that is your definition, then so be it.I guess for us, we have a good amount of family time month by month. However, We almost always split separately for any travel sports. One parent goes with the athlete (or musician), the other stays home with the other child. We have done a lot of travel and spent a fortune on sports and music. Â I have zero regrets. Going off to a tournament with a son is a singular blessing. Checking into a hotel, taking him out for dinner, being there as his 'support team.' I will never ever regret the time and money. I thank God for giving me those times. I know my sons will grow up and have their own families, and I may never have another one-on-one car trip with a son again. And when I am the parent at home, we enjoy the casualness of just hanging out, ordering a pizza, watching a movie. It is always nice. Â For us, it's the kids who steered the boat. I don't care at all about sports. I honestly think losing is good too - it build resilience. I hated sports as a child. But while I understand your frustration as youth leader, I think my time with and commitment to my children on those weekend is precious. I would not trade it for the money or time spent. I just have loved spending that time with my sons. It's not for everyone, but I don't understand the rants about it on this board. It seems to provide frequent ranting opportunities, but for me, it has been a joy and pleasure and an opportunity to be part of what they care about. Â I know a lot of women who never have weekend alone with their sons. While they may treasure that time all together as a family, and I treasure that too, I am glad I have had a lot of time with each boy on those trips. I am glad we invested in their desires. I am grateful to have had the money to do it. DH and I have no dreams of sport scholarships. We have always said it's about what the sport offers now. Our kids know that they can quit anytime and that we will not see if as 'wasted money.' It was a great part of our lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I guess for us, we have a good amount of family time month by month. However, We almost always split separately for any travel sports. One parent goes with the athlete (or musician), the other stays home with the other child. We have done a lot of travel and spent a fortune on sports and music. Â I have zero regrets. Going off to a tournament with a son is a singular blessing. Checking into a hotel, taking him out for dinner, being there as his 'support team.' I will never ever regret the time and money. I thank God for giving me those times. I know my sons will grow up and have their own families, and I may never have another one-on-one car trip with a son again. And when I am the parent at home, we enjoy the casualness of just hanging out, ordering a pizza, watching a movie. It is always nice. Â For us, it's the kids who steered the boat. I don't care at all about sports. I honestly think losing is good too - it build resilience. I hated sports as a child. But while I understand your frustration as youth leader, I think my time with and commitment to my children on those weekend is precious. I would not trade it for the money or time spent. I just have loved spending that time with my sons. It's not for everyone, but I don't understand the rants about it on this board. It seems to provide frequent ranting opportunities, but for me, it has been a joy and pleasure and an opportunity to be part of what they care about. Â I know a lot of women who never have weekend alone with their sons. While they may treasure that time all together as a family, and I treasure that too, I am glad I have had a lot of time with each boy on those trips. I am glad we invested in their desires. I am grateful to have had the money to do it. DH and I have no dreams is sport scholarships. We have always said it's about what the sport offers now. Our kids know that they can quit anytime and that we will not see if as 'wasted money.' It was a great part of our lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Had to quote it. Exactly right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeteranMom Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 My kids started playing competitive basketball in 3rd and 4th grade. Â I am sure people judge my family all the time. Â My kids are active, though, and are learning so many things besides basketball by playing sports. Â I grew up in a family that valued sleeping late on Sundays and spending 3-4 hours every evening in front of the television. Â I'd rather my kids be physically active and I have no control over when tournament games occur. Â I guess it's just a personal choice. Â I don't like the way youth sports are going, either, but I know that a kid can no longer just show up and try out for a school sports team with a few seasons of Y ball under his belt. Â If my kids want to keep playing and move to the next level, this is the route they are going to have to go. Â Things are much more competitive these days. Â Â Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Adding to what I wrote above. Traveling for sports or various home game commitments do not mean a family drops their church attends. I know quite a few families who worship just about anytime during the weekend based on the game schedule, that includes going to the 8 am service. I also know families who find a church at each tournament location. One church I used to attend encouraged this and asked parishioners to bring home the service program from whatever church they attended and share it. Â I realize this juggling doesn't help the family's home church plan for attendance, but it is something some families do. Â I don't think church attendance is down because do many families do sports. I think church attendance is down among people who don't do sports as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Our two youngest did musical theater for about 7 years, with CYT.  Including travel time, we spent 20 hours a week doing that, and during tech/show weeks we spent more than 40 hours a week with it.  Dh and I got very involved and it was very much family thing. It was also quite expensive.  But honestly we spent no more than we did when the older two were doing multiple things like gymnastics, music lessons, AWANA, scouts, etc.   The kids are all grown now and they all appreciate what we did for them when they were kids.  I'm sure families involved with hockey, football, baseball, or whatever have much the same experience. It becomes a family thing instead of just a kid thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 When you see families going different directions, you might also want to consider that some dc in the family have disabilities, including hidden disabilities, and having mom or dad accompany one dc an leave the other at home or doing something else could be one way the neurotypical dc gets a break to be a regular kid. Â In some families "family time " is really focus on dc with disability time, so it becomes important for each family member to get something away from home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeteranMom Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 deleted  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 My father is a pastor. He is also a sports nut. He goes to the games of the kids in his church. He has sports themed Sundays. He has sports themed family discussion times. He recognizes the achievements of the young athletes in his congregations from the pulpit. His youth group is HUGE. Probably one of the largest in his state. Kids from teams that church kids are on often want to come and join the youth group.  My point is, there is a way to reconcile church/faith and sports. You have posited as a choice between the two. That is not the only path. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I will add that I believe sports and activities at every level from youth to professional need to have Christians involved. It would be unfortunate for all Christians to pull out. You can be an athlete (or a musician or dancer or actor, etc) and a Christian.  Having a church community is important for Christian life, but there is more to Christian life than the church community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 A friend at work mentioned that her son had expressed an interest in playing football, but was told he'd waited too late to start. 3rd grade is too late. That is silly. This is true to a certain extent for many sports, especially if you are talking about joining a elite or travel-level team. It would be frustrating (and for some sports, unsafe) for a child who was a complete beginner to play with higher skill-level kids. Â To offset that in our area there are quite a few rec-level options. Church leagues, Upward, city beginner leagues, "Learn to Play" lessons/teams, etc. for example. Maybe in smaller areas there are only school or travel teams and nothing for beginners since there aren't enough kids to field teams. Whatever the reason, that is really unfortunate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 What I find frustrating is that there isn't much available to those who just want to play for fun without all the seriousness and crazy commitments.   Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Our two youngest did musical theater for about 7 years, with CYT.  Including travel time, we spent 20 hours a week doing that, and during tech/show weeks we spent more than 40 hours a week with it.  Dh and I got very involved and it was very much family thing. It was also quite expensive.  But honestly we spent no more than we did when the older two were doing multiple things like gymnastics, music lessons, AWANA, scouts, etc.   The kids are all grown now and they all appreciate what we did for them when they were kids.  I'm sure families involved with hockey, football, baseball, or whatever have much the same experience. It becomes a family thing instead of just a kid thing.   The music for us...the best thing that could ever have happened to my dh and our kids. The rest of us tagged along when we could, and the memories are amazing.  Each family has their own culture. I wouldn't dare tell another family that I thought their particular family interests/'mentality' were lesser simply because the chosen activities didn't revolve around what bonded us. Fellowship is potentially  everywhere. <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 The music for us...the best thing that could ever have happened to my dh and our kids. The rest of us tagged along when we could, and the memories are amazing.  Each family has their own culture. I wouldn't dare tell another family that I thought their particular family interests/'mentality' were lesser simply because the chosen activities didn't revolve around what bonded us. Fellowship is potentially  everywhere. <3  You're so right- we made friends through theater but now that our kids have grown up, we STILL get together.  I think most of our good friends were either work friends or parents of our kids' friends.  Fellowship is potentially everywhere- so true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 What I find frustrating is that there isn't much available to those who just want to play for fun without all the seriousness and crazy commitments.   Our town has non-travel sports teams. The travel teams are demanding, no doubt. But, ime, the non-travel teams still want a certain degree of commitment. The YMCA is also a great place to play without having to compete.  Our hsing group once had a casual baseball team. That was lots of fun. (One of mine was frustrated that there weren't enough kids to form teams sometimes, but it was still fun hitting the ball around, and running.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Different choices. I never did the speciality athlete thing, although my oldest did a lot of baseball. I probably would have done select ball, but I couldn't come up with the money or time. HE would have loved it. Â It's simply different choices. Some people chose church and family time. What makes THAT inherently better or more appropriate?Nothing, really. It's just the judgment and assumption we made around it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Our town has non-travel sports teams. The travel teams are demanding, no doubt. But, ime, the non-travel teams still want a certain degree of commitment. The YMCA is also a great place to play without having to compete.  Our hsing group once had a casual baseball team. That was lots of fun. (One of mine was frustrated that there weren't enough kids to form teams sometimes, but it was still fun hitting the ball around, and running.)  The only non serious recreation teams I know about at the Y around here is basketball. Neither of my kids like basketball.  We did try soccer. They have some recreation teams for that as well. But yeah it was already serious with the 5 year olds. So much so it completely turned my kid off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I know people who take their kids to various sporting things very very regularly. like at least one a week, often more once you add in practice. etc. as I live way out on the edge of Whoop Whoop it involves lots of travel. The parents encouraged their children to do sport as they thought it would keep their kids out of the street, give them something to focus on and hopefully help avoid bad influences in the community specifically drug use. Unfortunately every week here in Australia there is another major sporting club being caught using or trafficking drugs.It is filtering down to smaller sporting clubs as they see their sporting heroes doing it. It is so  awful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Sports  Some people are investing in sports and music as a way to earn a college scholarship. Not us, we know what a gamble that is and we also want a more balanced life with extra curriculars taking a back seat to many other things, but other people donĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t see it that way.  My middle daughter's archery meets on Sundays 12-2 seven months a year (a 30 minute drive each way) and Fridays 7-9 ten months a year (a 20 minute drive each way.) She and I go to Las Vegas once a year so she can compete internationally. The Vegas Shoot takes a total of 4 days of our lives a year. 1 day driving there, 2 days competing, and 1 day driving home. Only one of the other archery families has ever attended church regularly and most don't attend at all, so Sunday makes perfect sense for them.  My youngest attends Tae Kwon Do 3 days a week for 45 minute classes ( a 10 minute drive each way.)  Sunday Church  I think churches in America need to get over the Sundays only thing. Some have, but others havenĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t yet.  Yes, this is tradition, but that's different than being commanded to participate in corporate worship by God in Scripture every Sunday morning and evening. Between work schedules, joint custody schedules, etc. people are adapting to their realities. My brother's son is with him on Sundays, not Saturdays. Our family get togethers have to be on Sundays to include him. There are times, like today, when my dad can be in town that we skip church to have family time because Saturday isn't an option for a weekend get together. Dad doesn't drive at night. The get together has to happen during the day on Sunday and end so dad can make the over an hour drive home before the sun goes down. We don't do daylight savings time here in AZ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 My two big girls are in competitive gymnastics. They train on average ten hours a week, and we will do a total of six meets this year, most at our home gym, but two are about an hour away. We all go together to the meets to cheer each other on. It's fun. We cheer for not only them, but for all the girls. We've only had one meet where daddy took each girl separately (they competed three days apart) and they each got to stay with him overnight at a hotel, one on one. It's important that they have that time with him, without their sisters sometimes...dh travels often for work. They treasured that overnight, and can't wait to do it again. They love gymnastics. They beg to go more often. We are home all morning doing school, and their gym time in the afternoons is where they burn energy, socialize and learn the disciplines of hard work. It's not a financial burden on our family. Is it hard to drive them to and from the gym? Sure, sometimes it is. For me. I'm not going to let that get in the way of something they love to do though. Is it their whole life? Absolutely not. We do church, bible study, and awana, art, martial arts, horseback riding, and archery lessons, homeschool coop, and lots of play dates. They have down time everyday to rest, relax, and reset. They ride bikes, climb trees, hike, catch little critters, explore the woods, play games, read, watch movies, bake, do chores, play imaginative games....We have lots of family time. I'm very protective of family time actually. We have many many conversations about gymnastics, if they are happy at their gym, with their coaches, ect. There have been times where my oldest has been very frustrated with gymnastics (she got a later start and therefore has to work doubly hard to learn skills) but never have they wanted to quit. And I've seen incredible growth in their character as far as sticking with something that is hard, pushing through, and practicing until perfect. It's carried over into other areas of their lives. My girls are strong physically, they have poise, and are building confidence in seeing how their hard work is paying off. I don't care one iota if they continue with gymnastics or not, choose something else, or decide to do gymnastics recreationally. They know this. I grew up dancing competitively, and my husband did competitive gymnastics. Both of us had/have careers that stemmed from our extracurricular activities. Both of us are thankful for our experiences and look back on those years with fondness. Both of us had healthy coaches who truly cared and loved us. Both of us had things we chose to miss or not participate in due to our commitment to the team and sport. Dancing made me so much of who I am now, even though I haven't danced in years. Neither of us is scarred in anyway. I'm not saying it's this way for everyone, and I agree that there ARE coaches, teachers, parents, who are doing it for the wrong reasons. It CAN be a slippery slope, as far as time and financial commitments. It CAN be high pressured and it CAN destroy a child's spirit. Trust me, I've read all of the Olympic gymnasts biographies, I know it can be traumatic, especially for girls (as I imagine sports can be for boys). However, we are very aware of those things, and keep a good balance. I'm not afraid to have my kids miss practice because we have a family trip or even because they've had a long week and are tired. It hasn't happened often, because THEY want to go. We are in constant communication with their coaches...no one is ever pressured to push through injuries or do skills they are not ready for. All this to say, you don't know the intricacies of other people's lives, and whether or not it's healthy. It's hard to tell from the outside looking in. It would be akin to me questioning why some people homeschool so rigorously/radically unschool. While it may not be something that works for our family, I can't say that it shouldn't/won't work for other families. Live and let live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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