Venting post about people who borrow expensive books...

[Julie in CA]

Okay, I just wrote in reply to someone else's post that they should "take the high road" in dealing with someone. I'm really gonna do that!! Just a little vent first.....:tongue_smilie:

 

So, my ds #1 is a high school senior, but he's taking all of his classes at the community college for dual-enrollment. Because he's a high schooler, he has to register for his classes after all of the other students at the community college. That means that I can't internet order his textbooks used, because there's just not enough time for the books to arrive before the classes start.

 

This semester, his books were over $400 used, from the college bookstore.

Another homeschooled high schooler we know is taking the same Algebra class as my ds, and her mom called me to ask if there was anywhere to get the books less expensively. I explained that imo there's no way to order them less expensively and still have them in time, and that that's why I paid the college bookstore's prices. (school started 8/25)

 

Today she called and asked if her dd can borrow my ds's math textbook at some time over the weekend, since she internet ordered the textbooks and they won't arrive in time for her dd to do her homework for Mon.

 

ARGHH!!

 

I paid more for the books so my ds would have his in time!

I explained this to her the first time!

Do I have to loan out my ds's book that I paid dearly for so that she could save the $?

 

(Don't answer that...I know the answer...I'll take the high road.)

I'm just venting.

-but am I being unreasonable?

 

:chillpill:

[Diannab]

I completely understand your frustration. Maybe, instead you can offer to photocopy the needed pages? :D

[Plucky]

Just say no. Really, they need to go buy their own books. I know I'm a meanie.

[ElisabethGrace]

I completely understand your frustration. Maybe, instead you can offer to photocopy the needed pages? :D

:iagree:

[Unicorn.]

I was going to suggest this too. Just tell her your son needs his book to do his work too.

[Julie in CA]

I completely understand your frustration. Maybe, instead you can offer to photocopy the needed pages? :D

 

Ugh. I'm not even going to copy the pages because at about .10 per copy, I'd be paying another extra $2 for them to use the already expensive book I bought. There's no reason I can't make sure my ds gets his work done tomorrow morning and then loan them the book. I'm just being petty! ;)

 

I'm almost over it...

[dangermom]

No, I vote for doing the copies. You don't know when you'll get the book back. They'll mean to return it, but forget... It's worth the $2 to not have that frustration.

[Carol in Cal.]

I might loan the book, but I would not commit in advance to a particular time. I would say that he could maybe use it when my DS was done, but that I wasn't sure when that would be but that I would give them a call if it worked out.

 

That's not really the high road, but it's not the low one either.

[Mom to Aly]

Do what you feel like. But, as a single mom who has no extra money and has to sacrifice a lot my daughter needs/wants, I'd say remember, you may not know their situation, and why they ordered them.

[sdWTMer]

I agree with True Blue...those books are way too expensive to be loaning out at all.

[klmama]

How about the middle road. You will call once your ds gets his work done, whenever that is, and her dd can come to your house to do her math. The book never leaves the premises, so you have nothing to fear about getting it back right away or it being damaged. In fact, if they have a syllabus that details assignments, maybe she should spend extra time and work ahead so that she has several assignments done. There really is no reason your ds should be without his book at any time, just because this family chose not to have required materials at the start of the course.

[LaMere Academy]

I'd just say that your son needs the book to do his work and study.

[PiCO]

Ugh. I'm not even going to copy the pages because at about .10 per copy, I'd be paying another extra $2 for them to use the already expensive book I bought. There's no reason I can't make sure my ds gets his work done tomorrow morning and then loan them the book. I'm just being petty! ;)

 

I'm almost over it...

 

Maybe the boy can come over to your house to use the book. That way the book doesn't leave the house.

[KatieJ]

I vote no. Books are too expensive.

I have a son in college too..buying on the internet is wonderful, until he changes his instructor at the last minute and the books are now wrong.. Or, someone I bought from on Half.com just dind't bother to send the book or tell me that she didn't send it. 2 weeks later..we bought the book a 2nd time!

I think I am sticking with the local used book store!

[mommylawyer]

I'm in the "no" camp. Books are too expensive, and what happens if your son needs his book and all of a sudden, you can't find/contact the borrower? (It's happened to me.) I say either tell the mother that your son needs his book over the weekend or invite the other student to your house to use the book once your son is finished (BTW that suggestion was GREAT!).

[Julie in CA]

The last time it was the mom, this time it was her dd.

 

I gave the same answer I gave last night:

"My ds was at work today, and didn't get to do homework. He will do it sometime this weekend, and I will call you after he's finished."

 

These are nice folks, they're just being really insistent.

 

Thank you all for your advice, and for listening to my rant.

I'm going to assume that they're so financially strapped that they *had* to buy on the internet to be able to afford the books at all.

I'm not worried that we won't get the book back, and overall the money is not that big of a deal in the whole scheme of things.

From this moment forward, I'm going to assume the best about the entire situation, and I'm going to deal with it with patience and grace.

(Thanks :001_smile: )

[sdWTMer]

Very gracious of you! Like your name by the way!

[Julie in CA]

Very gracious of you! Like your name by the way!

 

Right back at 'cha! :D

[Quiver0f10]

I would not loan a book I was currently using/needing in case she doesn't return it in time for when you son needs it again.

[JFSinIL]

How about the middle road. You will call once your ds gets his work done, whenever that is, and her dd can come to your house to do her math. The book never leaves the premises, so you have nothing to fear about getting it back right away or it being damaged. In fact, if they have a syllabus that details assignments, maybe she should spend extra time and work ahead so that she has several assignments done. There really is no reason your ds should be without his book at any time, just because this family chose not to have required materials at the start of the course.

 

 

I second this! Who knows - maybe next year you can be borrowing a book from this other family!

[cin]

How about the middle road. You will call once your ds gets his work done, whenever that is, and her dd can come to your house to do her math. The book never leaves the premises, so you have nothing to fear about getting it back right away or it being damaged. In fact, if they have a syllabus that details assignments, maybe she should spend extra time and work ahead so that she has several assignments done. There really is no reason your ds should be without his book at any time, just because this family chose not to have required materials at the start of the course.

 

 

I agree with this....Maybe have a 'study party' where she can come over adn they can do the work together. Make a few snacks. That way the book does NOT leave the house, but the work gets done in a fun way. :lurk5:

[Remudamom]

I'd say the middle road here is to not bite off their heads if they have the nerve to call again.

 

Your son needs the book. Period.

 

Our college boy and his roomies trade books from semester to semester, but never ask to use one that someone needs for an active class.

[I talk to the trees]

How about the middle road. You will call once your ds gets his work done, whenever that is, and her dd can come to your house to do her math. The book never leaves the premises, so you have nothing to fear about getting it back right away or it being damaged. In fact, if they have a syllabus that details assignments, maybe she should spend extra time and work ahead so that she has several assignments done. There really is no reason your ds should be without his book at any time, just because this family chose not to have required materials at the start of the course.

 

:iagree:I think this is a great idea!

 

-Robin

[3lilreds in NC]

Maybe the boy can come over to your house to use the book. That way the book doesn't leave the house.

 

That's what I was thinking - he can come do his homework at your house, so the book doesn't have to leave.

 

I used to love to loan things to people. I loved being able to fill a need. However, after a good friend of mine recently let her puppy eat the cord off my Bissell Spotbot, I have come to the conclusion that there will no more loaning of things. Well, in her defense, it was her dh and less-than-responsible sons who allowed it because she was not home, but still, they knew it was mine, and they didn't watch their *@&!*& dog. There have been other loaned things that have come back LONG after they should, in for less than the condition they were loaned, and I'm just done.

 

So, the other boy can use the book on YOUR terms. That way you're letting him get his homework done, but you don't have to take the chance that the book will get lost or damaged. (Definitely do not allow food or drink near it, LOL!)

[Murphy101]

I certainly understand low funds, but she knew this in advance. I wouldn't have enrolled in the course if I wasn't sure I'd have the books neccessary for it. I would have been very worried about wasting what little money we have on a course that I didn't have books for. It sounds like she presumed she could mooch off you from the beginning?

 

I used to love to loan things to people. I loved being able to fill a need.

 

I have come to the conclusion that there will no more loaning of things.

 

There have been other loaned things that have come back LONG after they should, in for less than the condition they were loaned, and I'm just done.

 

So, the other boy can use the book on YOUR terms. That way you're letting him get his homework done, but you don't have to take the chance that the book will get lost or damaged. (Definitely do not allow food or drink near it, LOL!)

 

Yep. Been there. We are very careful with books around here. They are all expensive, imo, and it's taken us years to build up our library and curriculum supply. My kids love books, but we are as careful with books as some people are with fine china. You'll not find any dogeared pages or margin scribbles in any of them. My kids have actually gasped out loud when seeing someone else do it. LOL

 

I think if you can't afford for some reason to give the book as a gift, then you shouldn't loan it either.

 

My policy on loans of any kind is that if I can't afford to gift it, I can't afford to loan it either. I don't want to ruin friendships or goodwill over a loan of any kind or hurt the needs of my own kids or dh for the sake of someone who is not as high a priority in my life. (I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just saying I try really hard to make sure priorities are in order, kwim?) So if I can't afford to GIVE it, then I don't loan it. That way it's great when I get it back and there's no hard feelings if I don't for some reason or it comes back in less condition than when it was given.

 

Somewhat off topic, for those that have been burned in loaning something out.....

 

Did you get it replaced or repaired? I think THAT is what royal ticks me, I've had them maybe say they were sorry for the damage, but I've never had them offer to replace or repair it. Which is what really upsets me, because as tight as our finances are, we always done that without having to be asked to do it either. I would just feel terrible if I didn't even though I'm sure they would have just said it was okay and not to worry about it. I know that's really just something people say, not neccessarily the truth, kwim?

[MicheleinMN]

I haven't read all the other replies, but there's NO WAY I would let that book out of my house. Sorry....maybe the son could come over and work for a few hours?

 

Michele

[bkpan]

The last time it was the mom, this time it was her dd.

 

I gave the same answer I gave last night:

"My ds was at work today, and didn't get to do homework. He will do it sometime this weekend, and I will call you after he's finished."

 

These are nice folks, they're just being really insistent.

 

Thank you all for your advice, and for listening to my rant.

I'm going to assume that they're so financially strapped that they *had* to buy on the internet to be able to afford the books at all.

I'm not worried that we won't get the book back, and overall the money is not that big of a deal in the whole scheme of things.

From this moment forward, I'm going to assume the best about the entire situation, and I'm going to deal with it with patience and grace.

(Thanks :001_smile: )

 

:hurray: I think that you have handled it beautifully!

 

I would definitely insist that my dc have his homework completed first, (and when it conveniently worked for our family as well), but I would then certainly loan them the book.

 

To be frank, I am very surprised at the responses here. Wow.

 

Kim

[Crissy]

Julie,

Have you checked the publisher's website? Some text books have links to digital copies of the book.

If that's the case, this boy can look up the pages he needs online.

[Mekanamom]

So, my ds #1 is a high school senior, but he's taking all of his classes at the community college for dual-enrollment.

 

Ok, so these are HS seniors taking college classes. And the other student's mom is trying to borrow your son's book for her daughter.

 

I think that a HS senior taking college classes is quite old enough to ask if she could please photocopy (and pay for it!) the pages she needs until her book comes in.

 

This is college. This is real life. The kids ought to start advocating for themselves and work something out that inconveniences each other in the least possible way. It's a good lesson to learn.

 

Do you have a scanner? That would be even more convenient than photocopying. Scan 'em in and email them. But let your son and her dd work it out.

[CAMom]

 

 

Did you get it replaced or repaired? I think THAT is what royal ticks me, I've had them maybe say they were sorry for the damage, but I've never had them offer to replace or repair it. Which is what really upsets me, because as tight as our finances are, we always done that without having to be asked to do it either. I would just feel terrible if I didn't even though I'm sure they would have just said it was okay and not to worry about it. I know that's really just something people say, not neccessarily the truth, kwim?

 

Just following the off topic...;)

 

Twice now I have had friends borrow books and damage them. They have then said to me, "We damaged the book. Is it OK with you to just give it back to you or would you like me to get you a new one?" Huh? What am I supposed to say? Don't you think that if you damage someone else's property, you should just get them a new one, give it to them and explain what happened?:confused:

 

To the OP, I like the idea of telling the family that they can pay the $2 to copy the pages or have the dd come to your house to use the book. But, this is because I've been burned too many times.

[Kanga]

I completely understand your frustration. Maybe, instead you can offer to photocopy the needed pages? :D

 

Ditto! don't risk your ds's books being lost! Taking the high road does not mean compromising your son's education by him not having access to his books.

[Murphy101]

To be frank, I am very surprised at the responses here. Wow.

 

I'm not sure why. I mean it's not like anyone here is advocating depriving someone of food and water or anythign outragious, imho. Why would someone low on funds pay for a class if they aren't sure they can get the books for it?:confused: Why should they expect someone else who did plan ahead and did sweat for the book to loan out their stuff?

 

Just following the off topic...;)

 

Twice now I have had friends borrow books and damage them. They have then said to me, "We damaged the book. Is it OK with you to just give it back to you or would you like me to get you a new one?" Huh? What am I supposed to say? Don't you think that if you damage someone else's property, you should just get them a new one, give it to them and explain what happened?:confused:

 

Thank you! I thought I was nuts or something because I think that's terribly rude of them to put someone on the spot like that? And I did suggest on two occassions that yes, I would like it repaired or replaced please and they were just horrified by MY rudeness. One actually said, "OH! Really????? I can't do that! It's like an $80 book! It's not that bad is it??!? You're not even using it right now?":toetap05: It left me feeling very taken advantage of and used.

 

To the OP, I like the idea of telling the family that they can pay the $2 to copy the pages or have the dd come to your house to use the book. But, this is because I've been burned too many times.

 

Oh yes, if she feels like doing that, then I think that's VERY generous of her and a great thing to do. :thumbup1: All I meant was that I think it's reasonable to say "Sorry, but no." too.

 

If it's any consolation, this is a common thing in every college class I've ever had. There's ALWAYS a student or two who either doesn't have the money or doesn't come prepared to class and needs to bum off others for a while or even the entire session. Most were turned down for the same reasons others here have given - people who bought the book need to use the book themselves and don't want to risk getting burned and don't have the time/desire to rearrange their schedules to accomodate the unprepared.:)

[bkpan]

I'm not sure why. I mean it's not like anyone here is advocating depriving someone of food and water or anythign outragious, imho. Why would someone low on funds pay for a class if they aren't sure they can get the books for it?:confused: Why should they expect someone else who did plan ahead and did sweat for the book to loan out their stuff?

 

 

Well, I guess that I assume that is just what friends DO for each other?:confused:

 

The friend is not asking for the OP to give her the book for the length of the class - she's asking to borrow it for the day. While I might get a little nervous about loaning out an expensive book for a day, I would not hesitate a moment to do it.

 

People are so much more important than things.

 

Kim

[3lilreds in NC]

 

Somewhat off topic, for those that have been burned in loaning something out.....

 

Did you get it replaced or repaired? I think THAT is what royal ticks me, I've had them maybe say they were sorry for the damage, but I've never had them offer to replace or repair it. Which is what really upsets me, because as tight as our finances are, we always done that without having to be asked to do it either. I would just feel terrible if I didn't even though I'm sure they would have just said it was okay and not to worry about it. I know that's really just something people say, not neccessarily the truth, kwim?

 

With my SpotBot, my friend, who is apparently the only responsible member of her family, had to move to another state to start a new job. Then her dad died. I just didn't have the heart to contact her to tell her that her puppy chewed the cord because her boys left it in the front hall and didn't watch her. I put duct tape on the cord and it's working for now. Also, I had to get it from her house when I needed it and no one else was home, so there was no opportunity for confrontation. And even if the boys had been home, what were they going to do? "Oh, Miss Beth, we're so sorry! We take full responsibility for letting our dog chew on your stuff! Here is money!" Not these kids.

 

With other things... often people don't offer. I get "Oh, look, my child did just do that to your stuff" or "so sorry, it got broken." I am not... brave enough? something? to say, "Oh, look, you will be replacing that!"

 

The real problem then is my lack of setting appropriate boundaries and then enforcing them. Given that most people don't seem inclined to pony up when they damage my stuff, I think it would probably bring about strife in our relationship if I forced the issue and I'm not really willing to go there. (I kinda feel like I should be mature enough not to worry so much about material things. Ha.)

 

Does it mean our relationship gets a little more distant? Likely. Does it mean they will not get to borrow stuff anymore? Yep. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that the friendships I treasure are with people who would take responsibility when they (or their pets) damage something I'd loaned them. It's not, of course, how I choose friends, but in thinking about the people I love most, it's true of them.

 

Goodness, can you tell I have issues? :lol:

[Murphy101]

Well, I guess that I assume that is just what friends DO for each other?:confused:

 

Another homeschooled high schooler we know is taking the same Algebra class as my ds, and her mom called me to ask

 

I didn't get the impression this was a close friend or something like that? I go the impression this was someone a bit further removed relationship wise. Could be wrong. Even so, there's friends and there's FRIENDS, kwim? I guess I just thought that everyone has varied levels of friendship with the people they know?

 

The friend is not asking for the OP to give her the book for the length of the class - she's asking to borrow it for the day.

 

No, she asked to borrow it "sometime over the weekend." And these things tend to snowball. Goes from borrowing for a couple hours to never seeing the book again or getting it back after 3 weeks damaged.

 

While I might get a little nervous about loaning out an expensive book for a day, I would not hesitate a moment to do it.

 

And I think that's wonderful that you can afford to be so generous.:)

 

People are so much more important than things.

 

No arguement from me on that at all. People are more important than things. And my own family is the highest list of more important people in my life. In fact, that's all I'm advocating here. I can't afford to be so generous to others that I'm sacrificing my own kids' needs. In this case, her own kid could be up creek if this book doesn't come back in a quick and undamaged manner. If it was a very close friend that I'd known for some time and felt comfortable with - sure. If it wasn't though - not a chance. Been burned too many times.

[Plucky]

I'm not sure why. I mean it's not like anyone here is advocating depriving someone of food and water or anythign outragious, imho. Why would someone low on funds pay for a class if they aren't sure they can get the books for it?:confused: Why should they expect someone else who did plan ahead and did sweat for the book to loan out their stuff?

 

 

Well, I guess that I assume that is just what friends DO for each other?:confused:

 

The friend is not asking for the OP to give her the book for the length of the class - she's asking to borrow it for the day. While I might get a little nervous about loaning out an expensive book for a day, I would not hesitate a moment to do it.

 

People are so much more important than things.

 

Kim

 

You're right people are so much more important than things. I'm very much a softie and in the past I've done things like copy books at my own expense. I've also had people act snotty after I've done it because they didn't get the book but the copy that I went out of my way for. That stung. So from past experience I set up boundaries that won't complicate relations between friends/acquaintances.

[Murphy101]

The real problem then is my lack of setting appropriate boundaries and then enforcing them. Given that most people don't seem inclined to pony up when they damage my stuff, I think it would probably bring about strife in our relationship if I forced the issue and I'm not really willing to go there. (I kinda feel like I should be mature enough not to worry so much about material things. Ha.)

 

Goodness, can you tell I have issues? :lol:

 

Well you and me both then.:D

 

I guess I should be honest and say it'd have to be pretty upsetting to me to confront them on it too. I mean I wouldn't get my undies in a knot over a $5 item or something I could fix good enough myself. But it seems like it's always the really expensive stuff they want to borrow and that's always the stuff that gets ruined or never returned.

 

I'm not sure I agree about being mature enough to not worry about material things. Having proper priorities is one thing, but we all NEED matierals to live and sometimes we need certain materials to be productive and educated. I don't think it's immature to worry about ensuring we are providing those materials to our families first?

[bettyandbob]

If I had time, I'd state when I was available to meet her at kinko's or Office Depot and I'd wait while she copied the pages she needed. I'd make it clear I wasn't available all weekend.

 

Yes, I know there are homeschooling families that are in need. If I knew the family was in need, I'd probably go copy the first chapter and give it to the mom myself. But a lot of people I meet aren't really in need, they are rich either. They just are cheap. When you sign up for a class you have to prioritize funds for books and required supplies. I have a lot of nice books and supplies. When someone tells me about their elaborate vacations out west one week and then asks for things from my personal library that I am currently I get annoyed, especially when the excuse is the expense of the book. I made educational supplies a priority and you made three weeks of vacation (club soccer fees or month long summer language camp) a priority. I don't get to share in your priorities, but you make me feel guilty for not sharing mine.

 

Like I said, for a family in need, I'd photocopy the first few assignments and I wouldn't ask to be reimbursed. Otherwise, the book is not leaving my house. Too often I haven't gotten books back.

[Murphy101]

You're right people are so much more important than things. I'm very much a softie and in the past I've done things like copy books at my own expense. I've also had people act snotty after I've done it because they didn't get the book but the copy that I went out of my way for. That stung. So from past experience I set up boundaries that won't complicate relations between friends/acquaintances.

 

Yes, good boundaries can make good friends.

 

I gave an entire subject program to someone a couple weeks ago. I really didn't think I'd use it and she'd asked if she could borrow it previously. Well I don't do "loans", but after thinking about it a couple days, I decided I should just give it. So I take it out of the binders (binders are expensive and I always need another!) and wrap it up between two things of cardstock to keep it neat and drop it off. I didn't expect anything other than a "thank you". maybe. What did I hear? "Oh. Where's the binders? I guess I'll have to go buy some for it..." I was just :blink:

[PiCO]

Why would someone low on funds pay for a class if they aren't sure they can get the books for it?:confused: Why should they expect someone else who did plan ahead and did sweat for the book to loan out their stuff?

 

They might not have paid for the class. In my area, the school disctrict pays for high school students to attend CC classes that the HS cannot offer. The students do still need to purchase their own books, which can add up quickly.

[Murphy101]

They might not have paid for the class. In my area, the school disctrict pays for high school students to attend CC classes that the HS cannot offer. The students do still need to purchase their own books, which can add up quickly.

 

 

Ah. Wow, that's a nice perk!:)

 

Even so, she did enroll in the class and shouldn't have done so if she couldn't afford what was neccessary for it.

 

I can enroll my kids in a free sports program. BUT I'd still have to buy a bunch of required items and other fees for them that I can't afford. So I don't enroll them even though the lessons themselves are free.

[Kanga]

Well, I guess that I assume that is just what friends DO for each other?:confused:

 

The friend is not asking for the OP to give her the book for the length of the class - she's asking to borrow it for the day. While I might get a little nervous about loaning out an expensive book for a day, I would not hesitate a moment to do it.

 

People are so much more important than things.

 

Kim

 

I can tell you that I have hs "friends" who only call when they need something. They view themselves as more valuable than my time or my things, but the reverse does not seem to hold true! The OP already provided information about the book, she is not responsible for providing it as well. Depending on who her friend purchased the book from it could take weeks to arrive (if she went with cheap shipping), and then it could be the wrong edition.

 

My recommendation to the OP is: Caller ID

[Rebecca in GA]

People are more important than things. And my own family is the highest list of more important people in my life. In fact, that's all I'm advocating here. I can't afford to be so generous to others that I'm sacrificing my own kids' needs.

 

:iagree:

[chaik76]

Just following the off topic...;)

 

Twice now I have had friends borrow books and damage them. They have then said to me, "We damaged the book. Is it OK with you to just give it back to you or would you like me to get you a new one?" Huh? What am I supposed to say? Don't you think that if you damage someone else's property, you should just get them a new one, give it to them and explain what happened?:confused:

 

To the OP, I like the idea of telling the family that they can pay the $2 to copy the pages or have the dd come to your house to use the book. But, this is because I've been burned too many times.

I like people to ask, usually I want the damaged one back because I develop deep affection for all my books, and new ones don't have the same significance to me.

When I damaged someone else's books once (flood in the basement) I called her and told her that a check was in the mail, would she like the books back also? (She was a sweetheart...she refused to cash the check, and did not want the books back).

[chaik76]

Okay, I just wrote in reply to someone else's post that they should "take the high road" in dealing with someone. I'm really gonna do that!! Just a little vent first.....:tongue_smilie:

 

So, my ds #1 is a high school senior, but he's taking all of his classes at the community college for dual-enrollment. Because he's a high schooler, he has to register for his classes after all of the other students at the community college. That means that I can't internet order his textbooks used, because there's just not enough time for the books to arrive before the classes start.

 

This semester, his books were over $400 used, from the college bookstore.

Another homeschooled high schooler we know is taking the same Algebra class as my ds, and her mom called me to ask if there was anywhere to get the books less expensively. I explained that imo there's no way to order them less expensively and still have them in time, and that that's why I paid the college bookstore's prices. (school started 8/25)

 

Today she called and asked if her dd can borrow my ds's math textbook at some time over the weekend, since she internet ordered the textbooks and they won't arrive in time for her dd to do her homework for Mon.

 

ARGHH!!

 

I paid more for the books so my ds would have his in time!

I explained this to her the first time!

Do I have to loan out my ds's book that I paid dearly for so that she could save the $?

 

(Don't answer that...I know the answer...I'll take the high road.)

I'm just venting.

-but am I being unreasonable?

 

:chillpill:

Has the friend or dd checked the college library? Often, copies of the texts are available through the library (as I well know...I once borrowed all of my texts for an entire semester!). Profs sometimes have extra copies to and are sometimes willing to let a student come to their office and do the work or make copies. If you're not willing to lend, or the time to copy, you might suggest this.

[PiCO]

Ah. Wow, that's a nice perk!:)

 

Even so, she did enroll in the class and shouldn't have done so if she couldn't afford what was neccessary for it.

 

I can enroll my kids in a free sports program. BUT I'd still have to buy a bunch of required items and other fees for them that I can't afford. So I don't enroll them even though the lessons themselves are free.

 

If your child was supposed to be in a more advanced math class than was offered at the high school, and the school district would pay for the class but not the books- you're telling me you would not let them take the class because you couldn't afford to pay full price for the books?

 

I think I would enroll them in class, order the book online, and wing it for the first week or so in the class. I think I would ask the teacher first though if we could photocopy her book (or if anything was available online.)

[Murphy101]

If your child was supposed to be in a more advanced math class than was offered at the high school, and the school district would pay for the class but not the books- you're telling me you would not let them take the class because you couldn't afford to pay full price for the books?

 

I'm saying if I could not afford the commitment, then I wouldn't set them up for failure and stress by enrolling at that time. I'd check into every way possible first, but yeah if come the first day of class I didn't think I could afford what was neccessary for success - then I wouldn't enroll AT THAT TIME. There's other classes and next semester. It's rarely a one time deal.

 

I think I would enroll them in class, order the book online, and wing it for the first week or so in the class. I think I would ask the teacher first though if we could photocopy her book (or if anything was available online.)

 

I'd check into all those options BEFORE committing to the class. If I found a way to work it out, then I'd enroll.

 

It doesn't sound like the mother being discussed in this thread put much effort into preparing for this class. It sounds like she found out this other mom had the book and assumed she would just loan her the book for a while. And I find that rather rude and irresponsible. As another poster noted, pending when she ordered the books, it could be as much as nearly 8 weeks before she gets her own book and in the mean time is putting another family out. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she calls again next week and the week after to borrow the book again.

 

When discussing places to buy the book previously and being informed that I needed to just buy it at the school to have in time for class - I'd have quickly looked into other options. If I just couldn't afford to buy at the school, THEN I would have called the friend back and said, "Hey, I need a big favor. I simply cannot afford to have the book by class time. I really want this class for my dc, but I want to be sure she can do well in it and is prepared. If I go ahead and order it online and hope it comes in time - but you know how that can go - Can my dc borrow your copy when your own dc isn't using it until our own copy comes in?"

 

If they said no, I'd accept that graciously and with understanding that she's just wanting to make sure her dc is well prepared for class too. If she said yes, I'd offer to repay the favor to her in some way. At the least, I'd send a thank you card.

 

I don't understand why this woman waited until class had already started and given homework assignments to make arrangements?? :confused: Her dc must be very frustrated and stressed out because of her lack of planning.:(

[starlashine]

I think it is quite rude of her to order the books over the internet, knowing you had paid full price, then ask you to share with her until she gets her book in. Since you had the previous conversation with her, that was quite obviously. imho, her intent when she ordered the books off net, to use yours while she had to wait since she knew you already had it. I am not one to stand for such manipulation from my friends anymore, but that is a personal choice. I feel you should suggest other avenues to her - like the college library already suggested. It is not fair to your child to have to rush thru his work, or fair to you to be in a position where you feel you must pay for copies or inconvienence your son in order to fix a decision she made. I hope you make her fix it without using you, because she is trying to use you thru your kindness right now, imo.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

It doesn't sound like the mother being discussed in this thread put much effort into preparing for this class. It sounds like she found out this other mom had the book and assumed she would just loan her the book for a while.

----

Her dc must be very frustrated and stressed out because of her lack of planning.(

 

I see what you're saying, but who in the world gets how much these textbooks are going to cost until you walk into the bookstore? If it's her first time in a college (she may not have ever bought a college text, perhaps having not gone herself?), this would have absolutely blindsided her. If it were me and I didn't know, I would go my merry way and go in with my MAX $30 to buy my book. Then I would have a heart attack at the price and I would be paralyzed for a day trying to figure it all out, then I would order online. And yeah, I guess I would call my friend to see if she could help.

 

As to the dc -- I have to be honest. If my child was going to take a college class, then he would be responsible for the entire process. He would enroll, he would go buy the books, and if no book was forthcoming, HE would be the one to call HIS FRIEND and say, "Dude, my book isn't in yet. Any way I can hang at your place and do my homework for a couple class periods?" I'm not sure why the mom is even involved in this dynamic in the first place. If the kid is old enough to dual enroll, then he's old enough for me not to hold his hand and be responsible for him having/not having a book. Or arranging his study alternatives if he runs into problems. That's part of the joys and trials of college. You get to do it By YourSelf.

[Murphy101]

I see what you're saying, but who in the world gets how much these textbooks are going to cost until you walk into the bookstore?

 

And yeah, I guess I would call my friend to see if she could help.

 

ah, but we know that she most certainly did know because she called the OP previously and asked if there was anyway to get the books cheaper. Regardless of that, she certainly knew before class started! I think everyone is pretty aware that college books are easily $100+ ? It's a pretty common knowledge thing I think.

 

As to the dc -- I have to be honest. If my child was going to take a college class, then he would be responsible for the entire process. He would enroll, he would go buy the books, and if no book was forthcoming, HE would be the one to call HIS FRIEND and say, "Dude, my book isn't in yet. Any way I can hang at your place and do my homework for a couple class periods?" I'm not sure why the mom is even involved in this dynamic in the first place. If the kid is old enough to dual enroll, then he's old enough for me not to hold his hand and be responsible for him having/not having a book. Or arranging his study alternatives if he runs into problems. That's part of the joys and trials of college. You get to do it By YourSelf.

 

On this I disagree for a couple of reasons.

You don't know that's why they are taking the course. I might not be taking the course to get my kid the "college experience", but just to get the math class.

And I would't give too much maturity credit to anyone enrolled. That's just not true a LOT of the time even when sent away to a private university. Maturity is not a college entrance requirement.:tongue_smilie:

 

If mom is paying for the class and the books, mom is going to be royal ticked if he doesn't have that outragously priced book for class and or he doesn't do well in that class. So yeah, MOM gets final say in how he handles the class. I'm not paying that kind of money for him to have a lesson in relationships. I'm paying for his academic education and that's what he better work on. Even if the other kid called my kid, I'd tell my kid absolutely not to lend the book out.