sassenach Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I feel like we're in middle school all over again. I know a lot of it is the stress of college apps, SATs, and the general knowledge that adulthood is looming….but, geez, it just comes out as plain selfishness a large portion of the time. This child has given me whiplash her entire life. She was a demanding baby, an easy-peasy 2-10 year old, a NIGHTMARE from 11-13, and has been a pretty great kid to live with for her high school years. But this year. This year has been tough. Mostly just looking for commiseration here. Anybody else struggling with their emerging adult? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Yes. :grouphug: Though I can get whiplash from day to day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 oh. my. stars...yes!!!! And, I have to say that it makes me feel so much better that others are suffering, too. Sorry!!! Maybe it's kind of like how you get so sick of being pregnant right around the time your baby is due. Getting so sick of the 17-18 year old issues prepares us for them going off to college?? Maybe? :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 absolutely! 17 is very tough! All three of my older kids went thru "growing pains" at that age. Sacred about going off to college. Fretting about what to do with their lives. Frustrated with parents' rules but frustrated too because they felt like we were 'pushing them out of the nest". hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen3kids Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Oh yeah. I'm right there with you, except my 17 year old has always been challenging, except as a baby! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Yes, the emerging adult thing can be...difficult. Having him 3000 miles away, in a program that is supportive of emerging adult issues, has been amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I think it can be a very stressful time for both parent and child. It was very helpful to me to keep in mind that it was probably the most stressful time my kid had ever experienced. For the past year or two, I'd already been super focused on taking advantage of the short time we had left. I kept that in mind when things got crazy that last year, and it helped me to respond more calmly, not take it personally, and be as supportive and encouraging as possible. Sometimes I failed miserably though. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Yes, it is hard. The child is becoming an adult, and wants to be and adult but not be an adult at the same time. There is uncertainty, school stress, relationship stress (friends who come and go, some who've moved on to college already, etc...). Everything is hitting at once. I've been getting whiplash too........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Yes. My easy going child has been a roller coaster of emotions the past year or so. It is the fear and excitement of nearing adulthood, I think. I have a hard time relating sometimes though. I was married and moved into a home of my own at her age! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Senior year is an extremely stressful time for the 17 y/o. The college application process, all the uncertainty and anxiety, being apprehensive about leaving home and how things will turn out at college academically and socially - that's tough and takes emotional toll. I wish you patience - because they really need to feel loved and supported in this time of their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I have heard from several friends who have walked this walk before me that the increasing difficulty of a senior is just God's way of making it a tiny bit easier to send them off to college. You both feel like you need your space and it's less heartwrenching to say goodbye for a bit. I have ALSO heard that those same children find out how much they miss and appreciate their parents once they've been away for a month or so. That knowledge is kind of comforting to me. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Yes. It is easier for them to leave mad than sad. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Both of my older kids were nightmares the year they were seventeen. I was WIPED OUT from the oldest. Her selfish stunts that I thought she had out grown just came out of nowhere and it took me months after she left the house to recover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 11th grade was super-rough for me for a number of reasons. 12th grade was actually better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I have heard from several friends who have walked this walk before me that the increasing difficulty of a senior is just God's way of making it a tiny bit easier to send them off to college. Yes yes yes! Not unlike the last three weeks of pregnancy. Darn kids, they get us both coming and going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 they're all different. I remember the months before 1dd went off to college. there were days I thought she'd never be ready, and days I couldn't wait until she left . . . (she actually is a homebody, and I think was reluctant to fledge. after she graduated, she moved home. she bought a house and finally moved out in february. ) 2dd was confident and thought the transition would be no big deal . . . then I had phone calls from 1dd wanting to know how to get 2dd out of her room, as she had to study, or sleep . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 What they are hiding is the fear of leaving the warm nest, the familiar life and now being on the verge of adulthood and realizing that this status comes with a boatload of responsibilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Having reminded my seniors every class for the last 6 weeks that they needed to have read two short stories for today, having talked about it in class...repeatedly. I STILL had one boy today, on the day of the test, look at me like I had three heads and all of them had snakes for hair, and ask, wait, were we supposed to have READ them for today. :cursing: :banghead: :cursing: :banghead: :cursing: :banghead: :cursing: :banghead: Yes, 17-18 year olds can drive you absolutely up the ever loving friggin wall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 My 16 year old is driving me crazy. I was hoping senior year would be better then the current junior year. These past couple of weeks I am full of parenting failures. Questioning if homeschooling high school was the right choice after all. He has no motivation, blows off his school work if he thinks it is boring or doesn't like the assigned reading. It appears as though all he wants to do is hang out with his girlfriend and friends and have a good time. I have tried supportive. I have tried understanding. I have gone totally off the wall on him. At my wits end with him. I spend a lot of time feeling like I screwed him up for life and have failed terribly in raising a kind, caring, productive member of society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I have tried supportive. I have tried understanding. I have gone totally off the wall on him. At my wits end with him. I spend a lot of time feeling like I screwed him up for life and have failed terribly in raising a kind, caring, productive member of society. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Have you noticed this, that when things go poorly, we tend to blame ourselves first, but when things go well, we give credit elsewhere? He's 16. At some point, he HAS taken that responsibility and there's little--as you know--that you have control over. There's not much you can *make* a 16 year old do, other than attempt to negotiate by taking privileges away. Even then, you have to weigh if it would really benefit the situation or cause irreparable harm to your relationship. He IS at a hard age, and if you can figure out what's the cause of why he's acting this way, you might be able to help him turn things around. But he may not even know what's causing it, 16yo boys are not always so insightful or so willing to share. On the plus side, he is just 16 and a junior. He's got an extra year in there if he decides he wants to change his path. You both have that cushion, and that's a blessing. I don't have any words of advice, other than to stick it out for now and love him and continue to do your best. But YOU didn't DO this to him, you really didn't. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 My 16.5yo ds is driving my nuts lately so I can relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I definitely think it's a time when teens are really pushing for independence. I think it is their natural reaction to their age, and it actually helps the going-off-to-college or wherever process go more smoothly -- because everyone is ready for it! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Have you noticed this, that when things go poorly, we tend to blame ourselves first, but when things go well, we give credit elsewhere? He's 16. At some point, he HAS taken that responsibility and there's little--as you know--that you have control over. There's not much you can *make* a 16 year old do, other than attempt to negotiate by taking privileges away. Even then, you have to weigh if it would really benefit the situation or cause irreparable harm to your relationship. He IS at a hard age, and if you can figure out what's the cause of why he's acting this way, you might be able to help him turn things around. But he may not even know what's causing it, 16yo boys are not always so insightful or so willing to share. On the plus side, he is just 16 and a junior. He's got an extra year in there if he decides he wants to change his path. You both have that cushion, and that's a blessing. I don't have any words of advice, other than to stick it out for now and love him and continue to do your best. But YOU didn't DO this to him, you really didn't. :grouphug: :grouphug: Thank you. It was so much easier when he was 3 and was happily entertained with a piece of string for hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I have a really easy kid, laid back, respectful, but 17 has been hard. He's fighting food (or lack of food he likes), the desire for more out of life, all at a time when our resources are strapped. He does well, but even he is fighting back a bit, being grumpy, non-compliant, not taking initiative. I remember 17 being hard and I had some pretty stable circumstances. So, I try to cut him some slack, but somedays I feel like a kindergarten drill instructor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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