Watching a friend put kids back in school - jealous of the time she'll have now

[momee]

I know there are many merits of hs'ing but when you're already facing burnout and hs'ing teens is already difficult (DH is adamant we're continuing and I know this is just a phase for me as well) watching someone get their days "back" and have a cleaner house is just...i dunno...not helpful.

 

I'm trying to do my best to encourage her that she is doing this for the right reasons (medical issues are becoming more serious) but at the same time I'm struggling myself.

 

Just venting.

[Moxie]

Vent away! I'm SERIOUSLY looking at schools for next year mostly because I want my life back. Lots of people here don't get that and that's ok.

[TammyinTN]

I completely get it....down to last kid, one more year.  I'm so looking forward to being done.  DS is great...it's just me.  I want to do the things I want to do and sit and sip coffee at leisure.  

[momee]

I know though that what I'm doing is important and what we're called to as a family.  I guess the hard thing about enduring through the hard times is that they're actually HARD times.

 

 

Edited to add Carol in CA posted this on a previous thread...

"You are responsible for your children's education.  You decide.  Can they get a better education in school?  Can they get a better one at home?  What needs to change to make that home education happen?  No matter what you pick, you are responsible, and you have to make it work somehow or you're crippling their future."

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/529889-is-quitting-the-right-choice/?hl=+quitting

 

 

I don't want to quit.  I'm just whining and looking at the green grass on the other side.  

As I hear my kids laughing and playing together, it makes me want to erase the whole thread.  (In reality I know as well though at some point today they'll also argue, fight me, or complain about doing work.)  That's the part that is so tough.  Hard to endure after many, many years.

[marbel]

I am feeling a lot of that too.  School is not an option at this point but we are dipping our toes into dual enrollment at local CC, so that will help.  I have one with LD issues so it could be a while for me even though they are high school age now. 

 

When I am in the midst of this feeling I remind myself why we are doing this.  Sometimes I have moments of really regretting starting the whole homeschool ball rolling but I snap out of it pretty quickly, especially when I think of my LD kid.  

[Pink and Green Mom]

Both of mine were in school last year.

 

My youngest is home this year. 

 

I get it.  I really do. 

[Garga]

Well since I just sent my ds9 out of the room "until you can be nice" I'm feeling it right now.  

[NorthwestMom]

I totally get it. Hugs to you.

[momee]

Nice to know I'm not alone.  I know I'm not, I just think I am waaay too often.  Maybe I need a mom's night :)

[Guest anat]

Hi Momee!

 

You are not alone.

All of us need to learn, in a lifelong term, how to deal with the fact that life with kids is amazing but challenging.

Sometimes we could permit us to act  like 'Eve Mozell' (Meg Ryan) in Hanging Up! and nurture our non-mon identity. 

:)

[kroe1]

I know there are many merits of hs'ing but when you're already facing burnout and hs'ing teens is already difficult (DH is adamant we're continuing and I know this is just a phase for me as well) watching someone get their days "back" and have a cleaner house is just...i dunno...not helpful.

 

I'm trying to do my best to encourage her that she is doing this for the right reasons (medical issues are becoming more serious) but at the same time I'm struggling myself.

 

Just venting.

I got my life back when I fired myself as teacher and started video streaming. I wish I had done it sooner. Now all I do is proctor tests. Yes, one can homeschool and still have a clean house. Too bad it took me years to figure that out.

[Seasider]

Vent away! I'm SERIOUSLY looking at schools for next year mostly because I want my life back. Lots of people here don't get that and that's ok.

I get it. This last few months in particular I have been presented with several exciting opportunities for jobs I would love to have, but have not realistically been able to consider accepting because I still have one elementary age child home schooled.

 

I love what we're doing curriculum-wise this year, and I don't love any of the "out" school options, so I'm trying to keep enough of a foot in the game to have these vocational options open in about two more years (when kid can work at home independently and less attended).

 

And I would like to press the pause button and freeze the rest of life in its place while I catch up on laundry and meal planning. 😣

[kewb]

I am feeling a bit of burn out. Outsourcing some subjects has helped.

[chiguirre]

Minnie does bring up a good point. You don't have to teach every class, especially if your child does better with an outside person to impress. It makes a huge difference in our hs when T has outside expectations, even a self-paced class is enough to motivate her to check boxes. This may be an age issue, since she's 11 and Minnie's dc is 13. If money is tight, there are a few free options (VHSG, Saylor, MOOCs) that might help. If you need specific advice, you could try posting on the high school board to generate ideas that might help.

[PrairieSong]

I understand. I have only one 9th grader, the youngest, at home now but I had many years of several kids homeschooling, and with babies and toddlers, too. I loved it, but it got crazy sometimes. Some days I didn't love it. Hugs to you.

[Tiramisu]

I put one third grader in school several years ago. It was the best thing for her. Now she's in middle school, though, and socially, it's not so nice. I really, positively knew I had to do that for her and for us. I don't think I could have made that decision otherwise. It was an immediate and lasting relief.

 

I also have one in college and one who started private high school this year, so now I only have one to hs. Life having just one at home is very different. I'm still busy but I don't have the feeling of being pulled in a million directions. However, as much as I appreciate what I have now, I would not have changed how I hs'd the others for as many years as I did. I have many special memories, and I think they are the people they are because of hs.

[JBJones]

I totally get this. I'm also outsourcing more to ensure that I don't burn out. My DD was just put back on meds so I'm hoping that helps.

[momacacia]

I remember when a friend put her kids back in school and mentioned having lunch with a friend. While we do lunch with grandma on occasion, it is *always* with the kids around, too. They are *always* in my business. I'd love to have my business back more often. I realized, "Yeah, that is the life my mom lived. Child in school, lunch, shopping, tennis games, friends." Reality is, I'd just work more or otherwise be really bored. But I would dress better, look better, probably feel better, and might even be a happier mommy at the end of the day when the kids show up. One can't tell for sure. There's no real control sample.

 

But, I do hear you. :)

[Janie Grace]

I get it. I have some kids in school now (some still homeschooling) so I am suddenly encountering these moms that stay home without kids there. I cannot even get my brain around that life but it sure sounds lovely. 

[DawnM]

I may be sending 2 out of 3 kids to school next year.  I am working on the 3rd but he may not be quite ready.

I plan to go back to work and earn some $$.  I miss brining home a paycheck.  I really do.

[speedmom4]

I  totally get it. I would LOVE to be done homeschooling but I have 5 1/2 years until the last one graduates. I am committed but I am looking forward to the days when I can pursue my own dreams. I know homeschooling is the best fit for my family but I'm going to throw my youngest child the biggest graduation party for myself!!!!

 

Elise in NC

[Starr]

Jealous of the crazy early morning running around, the forgotten projects that are due the next morning, making up sick work, lots of homework when they are the most tired, endless activities and fundraising, the school schedule for the day, the week, vacations, group projects, more people to text, red t-shirt day... Are you really jealous? :D

[J-rap]

Can your teens be involved in anything outside of the home?  When my kids were teens, they began to be involved in extra curricular activities (a choir, sports, theater), and even took a class or two at the local public school at times.  I think it was good for everybody.  They also got part-time jobs at some point.  I think they begin to crave a little independence as much as we do!  :)

 

 

[4everHis]

Jealous of the crazy early morning running around, the forgotten projects that are due the next morning, making up sick work, lots of homework when they are the most tired, endless activities and fundraising, the school schedule for the day, the week, vacations, group projects, more people to text, red t-shirt day... Are you really jealous? :D

 

This is what I hear from my homeschool turned ps friends. Still chaotic just a different kind and not usually in your control! I think we'll stick it out at home for a while longer. :001_smile: Although I do 'get' what you mean.

[Rebel Yell]

I fully understand- I really really do...  but the majority of the public school moms I know spend endless hours every day volunteering, chaperoning, fundraising, driving, helping with homework until late hours... I think it might just be a different kind of busy but you get to be on the same schedule as most other people. :coolgleamA:

[redsquirrel]

My ninth grader started at the local public high school this year by his own choice. I have to admit, I am liking it. Yes, it is busy, but it's not like I have to dress him in the morning or anything like that. He is quite capable of getting himself up, getting himself fed and out the door in the morning. Most of the time I come down after he is gone.

 

Once I got over the panic of his going off to school, I had to admit that not having the 'homeschooling high school' panic is sort of nice. I am enjoying just having the responsibility of parenting and facilitating high school, and not administering it.

 

I am also liking the extra time and attention my younger boy is getting. I know last year I felt a bit guilty because his then 8th grader brother's academic needs overshadowed the then third grader's needs. Now I am free to spend more time planning ds2's lessons and doing the sorts of things I did with his older brother. And I know that I will need that focus when we go into middle school. Middle school with my older boy took a lot out of me.

 

So, while I would have been happy to homeschool my oldest through high school, I have found a nice silver lining. 

[marbel]

I had not realized that your kids are teens.  Poor reading on my part.  But anyway, can you build a little time into your schedule every now and then?  I sometimes meet a friend for breakfast or do other things I enjoy away from home.  My kids are not the most reliable independent workers (don't judge :rolleyes: ;) ) but if they know what they are supposed to be doing while I'm out, they will do it.   It's good for them as well as for me.   And, it's not much, because we do a lot of things together, but it is a taste of freedom, kwim?  And I know it will get better from here.

[trulycrabby]

I get it! I really, really do! My health has not been fantastic this year, and I feel like I have changed from an athlete to a frumpy middle aged lady. DH is helping some with math, I outsourced some science, and got a sitter one morning a week so I can take yoga.

 

My advice is to see what you can do to get a little time for yourself to help avoid burnout. You cannot help the kids if you don't take care of yourself.

[Moxie]

Oh, school  - you think life is going to be one long me-time! but either your kid thrives and you go back to work, or your kid doesn't thrive and you live up at the school, or your kid thrives and you don't have to go back to work and you're an involved parent and you also live up at the school....grass is always, always greener.

 

I've done/do both, so I know :)

 

Sorry you are feeling burnt out though. That's not good :(

I will HAPPILY become the involved parent who lives at school; I just don't want to be the one person in the world who is 100% in charge of all the things AND school.

[Ohdanigirl]

Just remember, the grass is always greener on the other side. Honestly, I miss my boys like crazy. There have been classes that I am sure I could have done better at home. They are gone for hours, then come home with plenty of HW. They all complain that public school History is "lite", so I keep plenty of biographies, historical fiction, and documentaries on hand. I'd bring them back home, but I honestly was very burnt out after raising my husband's very difficult and needy siblings, and my dc really are thriving.

 

I started pre-k with little guy this year. I am really enjoying it.

[Grover]

It's school holidays here right now, and for th last three days my two have been away on a class from 9-3.  It's weird.  I feel so relaxed.  I can't believe how much I've managed to get done, not only for work and household chores but for ME too.  It is certainly giving me a little green-eyed pang when I think that this is 'normal' for most parents. 

[fraidycat]

My kids are in PS this year. I have more hours alone in a day, but the time doesn't seem to be any more MINE than when I had them at home, it's just different focus. More helping my family, grandmother, etc.

 

:grouphug: