Describe a child who SHOULD go to ps

[Aspasia]

I always see homeschoolers conceding that ps is just a better fit for some kids than homeschooling. Obviously lots of you have kids in ps, too. What does a "better in ps" kid look like to you?

 

I'm always wondering if my dd would be happier in ps. She is SO social. When I send her to summer camps, she's just a different kid when we pick her up at the end of the day. She lights up telling me about her friends and the camp leaders and the activities they do. She's generally a pretty sunny little person, anyway, but it really comes out when she's around a big group of kids. I've known this about her for a long time, but I've stayed committed to homeschooling because:

 

1) there's more to learning and more to life than socializing

2) school won't always be as fun as it is in first and second grade, and I don't want to see her enthusiasm wither and die

3) she's a creative, free-spirited kid and I worry that ps would stifle that

4) she's actually so peer-oriented that I worry she would be one of those kids who sells out on everything else (academics, good behavior, etc) in order to gain peer acceptance

5) lots of other little things

 

BUT would she be happier there? I worry sometimes that maybe I'm holding on to homeschooling because it's my ideal, even if it doesn't fit my kid. Am I being selfish? It's made worse by the fact that I have so many little kids that I can't really do a lot of the field trips, exploring, and hands-on stuff that originally made homeschooling so appealing to me. I keep telling myself that we'll be able to do those things in just a few years (no more babies for me), but am I robbing this child? She could be doing fun things at ps.

 

We have joined a co-op for this next school year. It's once a week for two hours. I'm kinda hoping that will fulfill some of her needs for fun and socializing and learning in a group of kids. (FTR, there are tons of kids in our neighborhood and she plays with them all the time. Ours is THE house to play at. It's not so much that I worry about her time with peers. It's just that I worry that I'm limiting her overall happiness or something.)

 

(I'm totally afraid of talking about this to anyone IRL, because most people in my life--mom, MIL, friends--are always on the lookout for a chink in my homeschool commitment armor. They'll see any waffling as an opportunity to try to get me to send her to school.)

[Catwoman]

If you think #4 on your list is a legitimate concern, that alone would lead me to suggest that you keep homeschooling her.

 

Also, if you were saying that she's a social kid but never has any other kids to play with, that might add a point to the pro-ps column, but it sounds like she has lots of neighbor kids to play with.

 

Honestly, I think you're second guessing yourself too much. I think homeschooling is just fine for your dd, and if she seems like a happy kid, why try to fix what isn't broken?

[Veritaserum]

My oldest switched to public school halfway through 8th grade (last year). It is a better fit for her because:

 

1) She wakes up in the morning and spends her day doing (mostly) educational things. When she HSed she wanted to sleep until late afternoon and then play video games instead of do her school work.

 

2) She is competitive, so having other students to "beat" to get the best grade in a class is motivation for her to do her work.

 

3) She is more extroverted and social. I can go weeks without talking to people outside my family and be just fine. She's not that way.

 

That said, I am glad I homeschooled her for grades 1 - 7. 8th grade is where she clearly needed a change.

[Arcadia]

Your daughter is happy so I honestly won't worry about it. Looks like her needs are social and that can be met elsewhere. (ETA: when your child reminds you of a failure to thrive kid in the emotional sense, then it's time to evaluate)

 

My older was in B&M two years and online school 3 years. The main thing that make us decide to put him in outside academic classes and eventually back to B&M is because this child gets lethargic with no peer pressure and performs wonderfully with peers (the difference in quality is like A+ and F). We are an atheist-agnostic family.

 

Every year he was staying home he just lost more motivation to get things done. No one was doing it so he felt alone. He was a much harder and happier worker in PS. He works hard for his Saturday German class because he wants to be promoted and he wants to earn the promotion. The German class group by ability.

 

He is the kind of personality that somehow gets himself into a position of leadership among boys older than him. He also the kind who rise to the challenge only if he can see the challenge. Online classes don't give him that adrenaline rush. He needs intellectual sparring partners.

[MiMi 4under3]

DD13 started 7th grade in ps last January. This year she's going back to ps for 8th grade.

 

While she was homeschooling, it got to the point where she would constantly complain and whine (several times an hour) that she wanted to meet kids her own age. She said she didn't mind the school work but she needed a social outlet other than her siblings and few homeschool friends.

 

She would call DH at work and cry "Please, can I go to school?!?!" She was miserable and lonely.

 

Now, she's very happy socially and academically. 

[Snow]

My oldest switched to public school halfway through 8th grade (last year). It is a better fit for her because:

 

1) She wakes up in the morning and spends her day doing (mostly) educational things. When she HSed she wanted to sleep until late afternoon and then play video games instead of do her school work.

 

2) She is competitive, so having other students to "beat" to get the best grade in a class is motivation for her to do her work.

 

3) She is more extroverted and social. I can go weeks without talking to people outside my family and be just fine. She's not that way.

 

That said, I am glad I homeschooled her for grades 1 - 7. 8th grade is where she clearly needed a change.

Laura, do you foresee any of your other kids following this path? How have the others reacted to her being at school and them staying home?

 

Op, I think about this quite a bit as well. We started a one day per week enrichment program through the public schools halfway through last year and he loves it. He's chatty and happy when he comes home. He's doing pretty well. But, he doesn't want any more than this. He'd love it if we had more kids in the neighborhood to play with, but he doesn't necessarily want it so bad that he'd go to school every day.

[wendyroo]

I'm just at the very beginning of my homeschool journey, but DH and I have decided that homeschooling is our ideal, and that we will not deviate from it unless a child is not thriving at home.  If homeschooling is working well for us, we will not second guess whether there could possibly be an alternative that would work even better.  If, at some point, homeschooling is not working well for a child, then we will pursue alternatives, with the understanding that if after a fair trial the alternatives do not provide a net improvement then the child will once again return home.

 

But, again, we are just getting started, and talk is cheap.

 

Wendy 

[Veritaserum]

Laura, do you foresee any of your other kids following this path? How have the others reacted to her being at school and them staying home?

 

Op, I think about this quite a bit as well. We started a one day per week enrichment program through the public schools halfway through last year and he loves it. He's chatty and happy when he comes home. He's doing pretty well. But, he doesn't want any more than this. He'd love it if we had more kids in the neighborhood to play with, but he doesn't necessarily want it so bad that he'd go to school every day.

I don't anticipate my younger children switching to public school because their personalities are so different. I certainly wouldn't rule it out as an option, though, if one of them wanted to switch. Our school day goes much more smoothly with my oldest dd gone. Everyone else is more agreeable and ready to start school after breakfast.

 

They do all request social interaction, so I've signed them up for half a day of musical theater and art classes. We also started a homeschool group with low pressure but regular activities.

[Jann in TX]

With my older girls we attempted PS and private schools before we settled into homeschooling (oldest going into 3rd and middle into 1st).  HSing worked great for our family until puberty... middle dd was 'expelled' from our homeschool at the beginning of 6th grade (LONG story...).  She happily attended PS (honors student) through the first week of 10th then (health problems) she needed to come home-- we used dual enrollment for most of her high school credits.  Oldest needed/thrived homeschooling (she is my aspie). 

 

Youngest dd is 9 and 11 years younger than her sisters.  We live out in the boonies with no close neighbors and 8 hours from family. I needed to work (2 in college at the same time!!!) so homeschooling her was not the best option for our family.  This is also my one dd who THRIVES in social situations...  Luckily our PS is very good! 

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

We have no plans to HS our youngest child at the current time. She has autism and such intense needs that the only way I could HS her is if I put the older 2 kids into a B&M school. The PS is willing to individualize her education in a way that they would not be willing to do for the older kids in general ed.

 

Now at some point, it is possible that I might put the older two in B&M schooling and decide that HSing would be best for youngest DD. I don't know what the future holds and I will worry about crossing that bridge if/when I come to it.

[SKL]

A child who is very challenging to "guide" but responds to the peer influence / competition of the classroom.  (My Miss E.)

 

A child who thrives on being with other children and adults every day.  (My Miss A.)

 

Actually, MIss A might be a good candidate for homeschooling.  She is about 50/50.  Academically, she thrives on one-on-one attention and limited distractions.  So that is why I afterschool her.  Socially, she would feel isolated if we spent hours upon hours every day alone in the house.

[Pawz4me]

2) She is competitive, so having other students to "beat" to get the best grade in a class is motivation for her to do her work.

 

That was the primary reason oldest DS gave for wanting to go back to public school for high school.  And I think it's a very good point.  Now that he's graduated high school and off to college, in hindsight I kinda sorta still feel that I could have provided a better high school education at home.  But would content have mattered much if motivation was missing?  IDK.  But we have zero regrets about letting him go back to public school.  He was also craving more socialization than we could provide while homeschooling.  We just didn't have access to any good, academic oriented co-ops where we fit well.  Most of them around here are very conservative, and extremely lightweight on academics.

 

Youngest DS had to be prodded a bit to go back to a public school setting, but it has turned out to be SO beneficial to him.  He's an introvert, but being at home was getting to be too much alone time even for him.  And truthfully, he did need some practice on his social skills before entering the adult world.  We couldn't discount that as being less important than academics.

[Aspasia]

I guess what it comes down to for me is a question of which is more important: maximizing my kid's happiness or her longer-term well-being? Because I do think she would love ps at this age. I certainly did. I have a lot of good memories of elementary school. I just don't think it's in her best interest long term. Dh was a social sell-out (grades plummeted because all he cared about was being popular), and he really regrets that. Dd certainly has his same peer orientation (he still cares a lot about how well he does or doesn't fit in with his coworkers--it's kind of annoying, actually!). And like I said, I don't really think ps is a great fit for her learning style, and it would suck up too much of her creative, exploring time.

 

I don't know. Maybe it's the excitement of back-to-school time. It always gets to me!

[kristi26]

My oldest is going back to public school for 9th grade.  He was brought home and homeschooled from 5th-8th grade.  Monday is his first day.  My reasons for sending him:

 

1. He actually applied to an art high school in our area and got in with a lot of hard work

2. This school seems to have helped him find his motivation in life (something he has seriously lacked at home!)

3. He will be able to learn about film and video a LOT more than I could ever teach him while he's there.

4. After a lot of prayer on the matter, DH and I feel this is the right move for him.

 

Interestingly, ODS is both excited and nervous about his first day.  I think most of his nerves are due to the fact that he is getting on the public bus to go every morning and then catching it back home again.  He is worried about getting on the right one, getting off at the right place, doing the right things.  He is also worried about finding his classes. I am actually GLAD to hear he is concerned about these things- they are normal concerns and mean that he will be making an effort to get it right. This is often unusual in my very laid-back, go-with-the-flow ODS.

 

OP, it sounds like you are homeschooling for very legitimate reasons and you are doing the right thing for your family.  I would continue to find some fun social situations for your DD and then keep doing what you're doing. :)

[Joyofsixreboot]

My 8th grader has chosen PS this year. For him I think it is definitely about his wanting independence. His two older brothers have also gone to college so he was feeling there was a little too much estrogen at home :-). He is outgoing and funny and this gives him more of an outlet than the very limited homeschool options here. The only activities for high school pretty much revolve around basketball. All that said, he was easy to homeschool. My needy, competitive 10yo would probably do better in PS but doesn't want to go.

[Night Elf]

In my dd's case, she just wasn't a happy homeschooler. She'd try public school every year in elementary school, and every year I would pull her out, usually for things that bothered me. I refused to let her try school for middle school. When she was getting ready to start high school she came to my DH and me with a clear argument that public school would be the best place for her. And it has been. She's thriving and is happier there than she ever was homeschooling. In fact, I feel really badly that I pulled her out of school rather than trying to work through some of the problems. She works well within a group of people and definitely needs a teacher other than mom and dad. When she was taking classes at home, she would procrastinate doing the work and then wouldn't give it her best because there was no reason to. She's totally different in school. She's a great student.

 

Ds, otoh, has never liked public school. He's the poster kid for homeschooling.

[AlmiraGulch]

Public school ended up being better for DD18, eventually, but home schooling was best for her when we did it.

 

She struggled with all aspects of school (public) from K - 7.  She was diagnosed with Asperger's, had no friends, was bullied but didn't recognize it, could not stay focused in class (not ADHD, but other factors).  Resources were abysmal.  She simply did not thrive there.

 

I pulled her out at the end of 7th grade.  She started intensive therapy, including social skills therapies, to work on that aspect of her development.  Academically, she soared at home.  With one-on-one help and guidance, and the ability to go faster or slower than the rest of the class (usually faster) she just flourished.  

 

Working on her social skills and then achieving academically did wonders for her confidence.  It was almost as if she became a new person.

 

Three years later, she returned to public school, against her will, ended up really enjoying it, making friends, participating in some clubs, and finally, beginning in 11th grade, enjoying school.

 

So, there's my portrait of someone who needed to be back in public school.  She was able to take what she'd learned and developed from her three years home schooling and actually apply it in a different setting, solidifying her confidence and ability to transition to her next phase of life more successfully.  I'd done all I could do for her at home, and the relationship was beginning to sour.  Returning to PS was great for all of us.

[TammyS]

 

BUT would she be happier there?

 

Personally, I think that's the wrong question.  I openly admit that I do not place a kid's happiness at the top of my priority list, or even 2nd from the top.  My son sounds exactly like your daughter.  And I am almost certain he'd be happier in school.

 

I don't care.

 

Well, I care.  But not enough to send him.  Because it's not what's best for him.  What's best for him is getting a substantive education (would never happen in the schools where I live), being modeled to on a daily basis how people are supposed to behave/treat/respect/care for, etc other human beings, and have his primary influence be adults who care about him, rather than peers.  He'd be happier, but it doesn't mean he'd be better off.  He will be happier in the long run that he has been given the education and the upbringing that he has, than whatever fleeting happiness he would gain in school.

 

He'd also be happier if I let him eat chocolate cake 3x per day, but I'm pretty sure he'll be a happier adult without diabetes and rotten teeth.

 

I'm not saying school would be wrong for your daughter.  It might be right.  But the decision shouldn't be what will maker her happier now.  It should be what will make her happier in the long run.

[Annie G]

2) She is competitive, so having other students to "beat" to get the best grade in a class is motivation for her to do her work.


 

This was dd1. She seemed to thrive on that competition. Getting all A's on her homeschool assignments meant nothing to her. She wanted to know where she stood against OTHER students.   So off to high school she went.    Through high school and college, it wasn't enough to make an A.  She had to make the HIGHEST A in a class.   As an adult, she has mellowed some and is much more relaxed and not focused on being the best at everything.  Pretty sure it was her teen insecurities that made her that way, but I'm glad we let her go to school so she could work through those issues. 

[catz]

Both my kids are like this. But I continue to homeschool both of them for mostly academic reasons. Number 4 on my list is a real concern for my dd. However, I do not think homeschooling would work nearly as well for us if both my kids were not involved in some dedicated, structured, out of the house activities. My kids are with other kids pretty much every day and get the chance to work with other adults as well.

 

Eta I think these are adult decisions at age 7. And potentially parent and kid decisions for a teen. When my oldest was 7, we pulled him out of school because the academics were a joke. Have you found some communities for yourself yet? It can be hard to prioritize your oldest's social needs when you have several littles.

[Valley Girl]

Some thoughts (based on real life):

1. Child thrives in a competitive environment with other students

2. Child grasps subject matter more fully and enthusiastically with a subject expert as a teacher instead of the parent

3. Child is unmotivated with homeschooled subjects and by the parent as teacher resulting in tension, arguments, and loads of stress

4. Sibling conflicts are disruptive to the learning process

 

Sometimes homeschooling just isn't the best choice for a particular child. Putting that child in a more suitable environment for him/her can make things better for everyone, including any children still homeschooling.

[Cera]

My oldest does better in public school for a number of reasons - 

 

She needs way (WAY) more social interaction than I can provide.  She isn't a follower at all, more of a natural leader and extrovert with a need for constant interaction.  Trying to fill her need for interaction (she just wants to talk, constantly) left me absolutely exhausted by noon every day.

 

She is very motivated to work and compete to be the best with her peers but very unmotivated when she is working on her own.

 

She is quite contrarian and argumentative.  Not necessarily in a bad way but in a questions everything way.  It will serve her well later in life but was causing major problems in our mother/daughter relationship.  

 

Overall, both she and I are happier when we aren't together all the time.  I love her dearly but she is a tough kid who needs constant attention and competition.

[Erin]

I have one of these too.  (See my signature).  She has actually begged/insisted that she would never homeschool, though she did for a year in elementary, so she knows the difference.  

 

Buck is like me in that social events, including school, tend to drain him.  He's the one that'll look at the calendar and say, "We don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, right??"  He's also the one that completely misses social cues and nuances.

But Bean is my social-energy conductor.  

She's like a lightbulb, drawing power from the crowd around her.  And, fortunately, she's a natural leader.  Rather than bending to peer pressure, she tends to raise the bar for those around her.  In fact, I was just talking about this to our local biology/junior high life sciences teacher, at Open House on Monday.  He said his 7th grader was so happy to have gotten Bean in her class section this year because "she actually cares about school and grades and stuff, Dad."  ;)  

 

What's funny is that in a crowd she tends to be fairly quiet and observant.  You wouldn't necessarily peg her as being a kid who needs that group energy...  

 

Academically, I think we could accomplish more at home.  I think she'd be perfectly ready for algebra in 8th, for example, but her high school  holds them all back until 9th.  

But at the same time, it's a very small school system; about 30-40 kids in a class.  It's a good environment to nurture this creative, free-spirited kid.  I literally know not only every teacher in the building, but almost all of the kids as well.  Teachers are 4H leaders, coaches, Sunday School teachers, etc. and are driven to see these kids succeed almost as much as their parents are.  And, our school has a good, basic, college-prep curriculum that sends plenty of kids off to their new lives getting ready for nursing, physician's assistants, teachers and so on.  

 

 

All of this said, I agree with others than 7 is kind of young to be determining this one way or the other.  At this age, Mom&Dad should have FAR more of a say in this stuff than kid.  

I'm not sure I'd say that Bean SHOULD go to school, but she likes it and it certainly isn't detrimental.  (How's that for a non-answer?  lol )

[zoobie]

One of my best friends' DD--she is extremely high energy like her father and has to go go go. She gets up at 6, walks 2 miles with mom and dog, off to school (a highly competitive public school), then has religious school, 1-2 sports activities, drama, etc. I get exhausted just hearing her schedule. Her dad is the same way. When we've gone to Disney, he gets up at 5am for a 10 mi run before hitting the parks for 12 hrs. He doesn't even look tired on the way home. (I'd go mental married to him.) Anyway, the DD is very very social, and the PS is very good. She goes nuts in the summer trying to keep her occupied.

[LLMom]

Some thoughts (based on real life):

1. Child thrives in a competitive environment with other students

2. Child grasps subject matter more fully and enthusiastically with a subject expert as a teacher instead of the parent

3. Child is unmotivated with homeschooled subjects and by the parent as teacher resulting in tension, arguments, and loads of stress

4. Sibling conflicts are disruptive to the learning process

 

Sometimes homeschooling just isn't the best choice for a particular child. Putting that child in a more suitable environment for him/her can make things better for everyone, including any children still homeschooling.

 

These are my reasons plus I was/am severely burnt out and wasn't the mom I want/need to be.  Anyone can be a child's teacher, but I am their only mom.  

[Upward Journey]

If you think #4 on your list is a legitimate concern, that alone would lead me to suggest that you keep homeschooling her.

 

Also, if you were saying that she's a social kid but never has any other kids to play with, that might add a point to the pro-ps column, but it sounds like she has lots of neighbor kids to play with.

 

Honestly, I think you're second guessing yourself too much. I think homeschooling is just fine for your dd, and if she seems like a happy kid, why try to fix what isn't broken?

*haven't read through all the responses yet.

 

I agree. I have a very social, sunny child. #4 is why I kept her home until high school. I'm quite sure that she would have loved being in school all along, but I was not willing to give up control of who she socialized with, OR what she was learning. By age 14/ grade 9, I was pretty sure she would remain her own person once she went. She did, mostly ;). She still made some poor, peer oriented choices, but nothing too major. Yes, she is more worldly now, but she's also going to be 18 this spring, and that's to be expected. Do I agree with all the decisions that she has made? Nope, definitely not. But given the chance, I'd make exactly the same one, i.e. to send her in ninth grade. She would have been miserable staying at home any longer.

[catz]

I would add that my oldest child went to school for K and 1st.  For a bright, social child in early elementary, school might not be so great.  My kid was the class clown and was not learning anything.  He did enjoy is socially - especially in the spring when it was field trip season and they got extra playground time.  But his first grade teacher in particular found him annoying and took away playground time for kids that would talk (the opposite of what a first grade teacher should be doing IMO).  I think for MANY kids in early elementary, they actually get more social opportunities not being chained to a desk all day and I kept my kid ahead academically in a very short amount of dedicated time every day.

 

If either of my kids were interested in high school, I would be more than willing to walk that road with them.  I have an 8th grader right now that says no way, but we'll see.  Talking about school for a 7 year old vs. a teen is a huge difference.

[Upward Journey]

Oops. ETA mistake.

[Slartibartfast]

My dd seems to thrive in a setting using the Socratic method. We did classical homeschooling for some time but then we had one year where a lot of things went horribly. The year after that we decided to take a break from homeschooling and sign dd up for online school. She enjoyed it, she likes being in a class. Since she liked it last year we decided to do it again this year.

 

 

[mamabear2three]

I think this really depends on your reasons for homeschooling - for me, my family and our reasons for homeschooling there is one very clear and arguable reason why I think a child should go to public school - and that is if there is not a parent who can stay home and love on the children and teach them. I know of at least one mom who can't physically stomach being with her kids all the time - she can't shop with them, she dumps them on whoever gives her half a chance in order to have some "Mommy" time. She is also among those moms on my facebook feed who are counting the hours until school starts back up. She should NOT homeschool her child. I'm not talking about the mom who likes an evening out with her friends or who just needs a break, I'm talking about the mom who needs a daily break - a daily extended break - in order to be able to function around her children.