Tips for Living With a Motor Mouth and Staying Sane

[Gil]

Buddy is turning into a motor mouth. He is like one of those aquatic mammals that can hold their breath for long stretches of time. He must do all his breathing when he is asleep because he can and does talk for as long as he is awake! He is making me and everyone else (but especially me) crazy.

 

I thought it was just me, but a few other people have been annoyed with his talkativeness also. I mean, the kid just doesn't shut up!!! I have to enforce a strict no talking while you are eating rule for him, otherwise no one can say anything but him. He rattles off facts, jokes, stories, questions, argues, comments, and just....he just talks. A lot. All the time. Whats also annoying is he talks at you, but not too you per se.

 

Who else has a motor mouth under their roof and how do you keep from gagging them?

[Catwoman]

He's still so little. I wouldn't discourage him from talking, but I would work with him on not interrupting others when they are already speaking, and start gently teaching him that it's important to listen to others instead of constantly waiting for it to be his turn to talk again.

 

Honestly, he's obviously bright and outgoing. The traits that are driving you crazy now will probably serve your son very well in the future. It takes a long time for a kid to realize that what he's saying isn't the only thing anyone should want to hear, but it's also very important for him to know you are interested in what he has to say and enjoy hearing his opinions on things.

 

I guess I'm basically saying that you should be very careful not to squelch his developing personality by letting him know you wish he would be quiet more often. Much of his self-confidence may hinge on how you react to his behavior and conversations.

 

 

PS. How are the kittens?

[Gil]

Oh, I have one of those. Sweetest kid ever. Cannot stop speaking.

Yep, thats Buddy---sweet kid, speaks continuously.

 

When I can't stand it any longer I ask for some quiet.

I try this all the time. However, he just pauses for a max of 8.6 seconds and quickly begins talking about something else. Sometimes he'll lower his voice (Hey, did you realize that quiet is different from silence, Gil? Thats a funny nuance, don't you think? What other words are like that--people confuse them but they are wrong to do it--stench and aroma, both are smells but someone will think of a different type of smell and hey, do you remember that time when....")

 

I find if I'm conversing with said child, it helps as well. Often the compulsive talking occurs when I'm distracted, and really only responding with 'mmm.'

It doesn't help! Whether I sit down and look him in the eye, reply on topic and engage him or grit my teeth and take deep breaths through my nose, the result is the same!

 

A good example is when he is telling a joke--he doesn't wan't anyone to actually guess, he rushes over all comments his audience has to get to the punch line. He asks questions (like Did You Know That...) and then comments about the answers given.

 

When he is talking to me and I try and talk back he'll say: "No, Gil, listen because..."

 

Oi!

[Arcadia]

My motor mouth boy talks even when sleeping. The only time I get a break is he talks not too loudly to his textbook and workbooks instead of at anyone.

Now that he is older people are less tolerant of my motor mouth and I had complaints.

 

ETA:

Unfortunately his talking to plants didn't help them grow.

[Catwoman]

A good example is when he is telling a joke--he doesn't wan't anyone to actually guess, he rushes over all comments his audience has to get to the punch line. He asks questions (like Did You Know That...) and then comments about the answers given.

 

When he is talking to me and I try and talk back he'll say: "No, Gil, listen because..."

 

Oi!

Sounds to me like he's trying to impress you with how smart and entertaining he is.

 

And again, he's still such a little kid. I don't think you can expect him to behave like a miniature adult.

 

He sounds like fun. :)

[Paige]

Now that my talker is older, I can gently ask something like, "Are we having a conversation, or is this a monologue?" I've tried to redirect some of the monologuing into journal and story writing. It helps minimally but I have hopes that it will take off soon. 

 

FWIW, I was known as a motor mouth as a young child and am nothing like that now. He may outgrow it all by himself. I distinctly remember being called a motor mouth, disliking it, and deciding to back off on the talking. 

[Gil]

PS. How are the kittens?

Actually they are looking a little gangly/thin where before they were more healthy looking. I told the boys to add another feeding to their day because they are growing rapidly. Buddy said that he has to feed one of the girls separately from the rest because she is a slower eater and often gets shoved out at meal times. She is also a light eater so she already gets an extra meal each day.  Oh and Buddy said that he's going to feed them in 3 groups--the timid girl alone, and pair off the other 4 in groups of 2 each.

 

The boys have been saving up to experiment with cat food recipes so at least the kittens are keeping them busy.

[Catwoman]

Actually they are looking a little gangly/thin where before they were more healthy looking. I told the boys to add another feeding to their day because they are growing rapidly. Buddy said that he has to feed one of the girls separately from the rest because she is a slower eater and often gets shoved out at meal times. She is also a light eater so she already gets an extra meal each day. Oh and Buddy said that he's going to feed them in 3 groups--the timid girl alone, and pair off the other 4 in groups of 2 each.

 

The boys have been saving up to experiment with cat food recipes so at least the kittens are keeping them busy.

Thanks for the update -- I was wondering how they were doing! :)

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[Gil]

Sounds to me like he's trying to impress you with how smart and entertaining he is.

Yeah, I know. But I wish he'd give me a chance to be impressed/entertained. It is always on to the next comment/joke/story within a 2 second span of time.

 

And again, he's still such a little kid. I don't think you can expect him to behave like a miniature adult.

I don't want him to behave like an adult, miniature or not. What I do want is for him to shut up for a whole minute, a full 60 seconds at a time, at least once each time that he's in my presence. I don't tell him that, but that is honestly how I feel. His brother tells him to shut-it and buzz off when he's had enough of him, but I don't have that luxury. The kid can talk my ear off.

I wonder a lot about being sensitive toward them but I've got this set of kids that do annoying crap or piss me off with their antics/attitudes/nuttiness and I try to let at least 60% of it go because I know that I'm 1) not naturally patient and 2) almost always tired from school and work and commuting and dealing with my mom and, and, and....None of that is their fault so I don't like to take my frustration/tiredness out on them but Jeez am I only human and the other 40% of crap must be addressed.

He sounds like fun. :)

Yeah, he is.

 

[mom2bee]

I'm a big fan of "Quiet Thinking Time" when the noise levels get to be too much or if one kid is just overwhelming the room. I say, okay, Rudy, settle down, okay, why don't you have 10 minutes of Quiet Thinking/Listening Time, go ahead.

 

They don't have to leave the room if they don't want to, QTT it isn't a punishment, we are all subject to it, most times we do it as a group, but the idea is that sometimes you have to be quiet. Often times we discuss their thoughts after ward ("Okay, guys 10 min is up, what did you think about Rudy? What about you Dave? Oh, hey Renee can you tell us what you thought about? Did anyone notice that fly in the web? Who saw that green car drive by etc... and then break off to seperate activities."

 

Another solution might be to give him some earbuds and CDs/MP3s and have him listen to them.

[Laura Corin]

When Hobbes was about eight, we started to teach him conversation as a specific skill.  The main pointer that we gave him was that if someone said 'Uh-huh' or similar two or three times in a row, it was time to a) ask them a question on your subject ('Do you like horse riding too?') or b ) change the subject ('Are you still playing football on Wednesdays?').  It sounds a bit mechanical, but it worked much better, for us, than vague suggestions like 'listen to other people' or 'make sure other people get a chance to speak'.  

 

He doesn't remember being taught to converse, but he does fine now.  I was very wary of the extended monologue - I have a relative who does it, and it has harmed him socially and professionally.

 

Best of luck

 

L

[idnib]

DS spent some time in social therapy and they gave us a document to deal with stuff like this.

 

I can't share it here word-for-word without permission, but the gist of it for this particular solution was to teach the kid to pause every once in awhile and ask people if they are interested in what he is saying. The answer should be a direct yes or no. If the answer is no, teach him to ask the other person a question about a topic in which they may be interested. It's called "turning off the Me button" basically.

 

HTH.

[heartosunshine]

My ds was a constant talker. I could always tell when he fell asleep because that's the only time he would stop talking. Now he's a teenager and a wonderful conversationalist but really doesn't talk all that much anymore. I guess he grew out of it. {shrug}

 

Phrases I used when he was younger: "Mommy's ears need a rest, honey." and "Is anyone bleeding or is the house burning down? Okay, then I need a few more minutes to myself." Keep in mind, these didn't always work. :001_rolleyes: Sometimes vigorous exercise would help, such as swimming or running. I had him in swim lessons long after he learned to swim just for the exercise. Sorry, I don't have more advice. Raising kids is a test of endurance and patience. Hang in there!

 

PS. Thanks for the kitten update. My talker is also allergic to cats so I must get my feline fix somewhere else!

[Tiramisu]

I have a hyperverbal girl. I hide in my room.

[Starr]

Now you know you need noise canceling headphones and to hide in your room you can breath easy. :D I find that car rides were a good place to practice  areas of speech that need work.  While you are confined in the car practice having a two way conversation. Then put him on voice rest until you get home....

[fairfarmhand]

I've missed somewhere his age.

 

However, if he's school aged, he needs to be taught that it is RUDE to monopolize a conversation. Other people want to talk too.

 

I have a motor mouth. We also have rules about no talking during dinner because the only time he eats is after everyone else leaves the table and he has no audience.

 

Could you get him into a speech or drama class?

[foxbridgeacademy]

When I was little My mother used to sit me on the couch and tell me to be quiet for 5 minutes.  Every time I talked the timer would start over.  I would spend hours on the couch.  Don't think her cruel, I had toys, even TV but just wouldn't shut up.  I still talk a lot but have learned to listen too.  When I was older (and had 2 little sisters) she would lock herself in the bathroom with the water running, the fan turned on, and the radio playing.  If we knocked she would ask "are you bleeding? ... no... Do you have broken bones? ....um, no.... Is the house on fire?..... no.... Then go away.  She would do this every couple days or at least once a week for about 1/2 hour or so, just to get a break from us.

 

My children (for the most part ) are quiet little Angels.  My youngest sister (the quietest one) has 3 children who are all motor mouths.  Sometimes life isn't fair..... she often locks herself in the bathroom.

[KungFuPanda]

My kid who talked late and was in speech therapy, turned into a bit of a chatterbox. He would talk through an entire car ride not caring if anyone responded. I'd get out and tell my husband "He filibustered!" If he asked about the crazed look in my eyes. More than once when he was little I had to say "Baby, I love you, but my ears are full and I need some quiet now." or "It's Sissy's turn to talk. You may not speak until her story is finished and you'll have to listen so you KNOW she's finished and not just pausing." When he got older, if he jumped into a conversation with something completely unrelated we had to explain that you have to LISTEN to the conversation to join it and that it's rude to spend the time another person is talking thinking of what you want to say next instead of listening and genuinely responding to their words. It took years! He's 14 now and knows how to have a real conversation. Sometimes he struggles because he WANTS to blabber, but he's old enough to know how to edit most of the time.

 

Conversation is a skill that doesn't come to everyone naturally. Some kids need specific instruction. If you don't give them this instruction because you're afraid to crush their spirits you put them at a distinct social disadvantage. Failing to teach listening skills would be a bit like failing to drill multiplication tables because your kid just didn't care for them. I wouldn't worry if your son is very young, but I also wouldn't drop the ball and teach him nothing during the later elementary years.

[Dory]

I don't have any suggestions for you. None of my kids are like that. I just thought I'd add that I was one of those. I am nothing like that now though. I shut down pretty hard. I got super critical of myself because I saw my love of conversation as a bad thing. I was never gently reminded or repetitively taught to hold my tongue and listen to others. I just had people get annoyed and/or angry at me.

 

My niece is a talker, and I know what having her here for a couple days is like and I can only imagine how tiring is must be to listen to that all the time, day after day. I hope you can help him learn to channel it and control it in a healthy way. Hang in there.

[fdrinca]

I have three talkers. I don't know if they talk more than the average kid, but I have three children who like to talk to me, and will stagger their verbal attacks during the day. 

 

If it's too much, I give a verbal warning. Usually "my ears are getting very full" or "are you making your words count?" "I will need some quiet time in a few minutes."

 

All three have gotten on this horrifically annoying game of asking me arithmetic questions. "What's 5 plus 5? 10 plus 10? 20 plus 20?" until I call a cease fire. I used to entertain it because - hey, free math practice! 

 

My oldest two will repeatedly ask me questions they know the answers to. That drives me insane, too. I know they're trying to engage in conversation and aren't quite skilled enough, but still...

[AndyJoy]

All three have gotten on this horrifically annoying game of asking me arithmetic questions. "What's 5 plus 5? 10 plus 10? 20 plus 20?" until I call a cease fire. I used to entertain it because - hey, free math practice!

 

My oldest two will repeatedly ask me questions they know the answers to. That drives me insane, too. I know they're trying to engage in conversation and aren't quite skilled enough, but still...

Hahaha! I can totally relate! I preserved this conversation with my then 4 1/2-year-old (K) earlier this year:

 

> K: What is 1+1?

> A: 2

> K: What is 2+2?

> A: 4

> K: What is 4+4?

> A: 8

> K: What is 8+8?

> A: 16

> K: What is 16+16?

> A: 32

> K: What is 32+32?

> A: 64

> K: What is 64+64?

> A: 128

> K: What is 128+128?

> A: 256

> K: What is 256+256?

> A: 512

> K: What is 512+512?

> A: 1,024

> K: What is 1,024+1,024?

> A; 2,048

> K: What is 2 thous...*deep sigh* Uhhhhhh, I'm tired of adding!!!!

> A: *laughs* I did all the adding!  You just asked the questions.

> K: Well, my mouth is tire...dry.  My mouth is dry so I can't ask any more questions.

> A: Fine with me. I'm tired of adding.

 

He also asks me questions he know the answer to, then if I am foolish enough to answer, repeats my responses back in question form! Some days I go batty!

[AndyJoy]

My talker is almost 5. In his case, he is a bright, happy-go-lucky, busy, energetic, social, endearing, imaginative, exhausting kid who is constantly moving, thinking, doing. He does.not.stop. I had to hug him tightly with his arms pinned in a dark room to get him to nap as an infant. His first word was "Hi!" and he would repeat it in his sleep.

 

Sometimes I think he never stops talking, but I have come to realize he is less verbose on days when he gets a lot of "face time" from me. If we do something engaging like play a math board game he doesn't chatter. If we run around and play soccer he's much better. I recently learned of The Child Whisperer and found out he's a Type 1 to my Type 4. I love to talk, but for me it is about discussing what I've read or learned in depth. For him chatter is more like a bubbling of excess energy and a plea for input, no matter how mundane. He feels most loved and connected to me when we are talking. I found this book to be very helpful in reminding me what's lovable about his energy and how to avoid wounding him when I'm stressed/annoyed.

 

Asking him to be quiet temporarily or a desperate, exasperated, "Can you please be quiet for just 1 minute!!!!" comes across as rejection to him. A direct request/order seems to sound like, "Go away, I don't love you," to him. If I explain I'm on the phone, have a headache, etc. he is usually pretty quiet, but before long he loses focus and the words spill out again.

 

I have the most success with redirecting him to an engaging activity that will either keep him quiet or cause him to talk to the items he's using. I can easily filter out conversation with his toys that isn't directed at me. I let him watch some TV and use that as my time to nurse the baby, read, and have a sanity break from the chatter. When we're in the car I try to bring up topics that require him to think harder, so he won't just volley words at me. Playing music he likes also temporarily works; even preschool sing-a-long CDs are preferable sometimes! I talk to him about situations and explain why it "isn't a good time" or "not the right place" to talk or talk about x. Little by little I see him remember these places/situations.

 

I don't want to bottle up his natural effervescence or make him feel there is something wrong with who he is. He doesn't need a negative label to wound him for life. I have hope that with age he will have a better handle on context and content and be a skilled conversationalist.

[mrsrevmeg]

My youngest is like that. I have no advice, but you have my sympathies. I was trying to finish a book yesterday and could not make it through a sentence without, "Hey Mom..." . When he is doing his school work he highly annoys his brothers because when he comes across something interesting in a book, he blurts it out loud. He hums when he is not talking. He talks to our cats, to his toys, and even to himself. (He denies the self part, but we hear him do it). However, he is a precious child and I hate to say, "Shut up! For five minutes, PLEASE" because I know it would hurt him.

[OneStepAtATime]

You have had a lot of great suggestions upthread.  You might consider "training" your child, and you could call implementing some of the ideas upthread as a "structured apprenticeship" to help him understand that he will not be expected to do everything right the first time, but will be trained in the important skill of effective communication, including when to pause, when to listen, when to stay silent so as not to overwhelm those around you, etc. and just designate a time each day where he works on his "communications" apprenticeship.  Maybe have some clearly written goals, in small increments, and give him a small reward when he achieves those goals.  Having clearly laid out consistent guidelines for him to work on each day may help both of you out.

 

Also, it was pointed out to me that some children do not naturally develop their "inner voice" or that skill is developed really, really late.  All the thoughts that we process silently, all the discussions we have in our own heads or the review/rehearsal of information we do in our own brains is actually a skill that for some takes significant time to develop and may not develop effectively without some structured outside support.  For some they are not able to acquire this skill easily but it is incredibly important.  Without their "inner voice" they must "discuss" everything they are thinking out loud to process it.  This can be overwhelming for those around them but may be very necessary for the child.  Being taught systematically and explicitly, in a positive manner, to try and develop an "inner voice" may help but developmentally it may still take time to acquire the skill.

 

I am in the process of working on this with my own son and he is older than yours.  He does not seem to have much of an "inner voice".  We are working on it.  Staying positive and giving clear cut consistent guidelines has helped tremendously.

[wendyroo]

Peter is like that.  I've timed him, and it is rare for him to be silent for more than 30 seconds.  Almost all of his monologue is directed at me, and he says, "Mom" (and repeats it until I respond "Yes, Peter?") about every 2 minutes all day long.  Actually, I rarely manage, "Yes, Peter?", because he cuts me off at "Ye-" to get back to flapping his own tongue.  It is actually worse, when he wants me to participate in his conversations, because they are often maddening: "Mom, when can we go to Russia?  No, what day can we go?  What Friday?  What will the day number be?  How many days from now is that?  Will we leave before or after breakfast?  What will we eat for breakfast? etc."

 

For my own sanity, we have a strictly enforced 90 minute rest time each afternoon when Peter is required to stay in his room.  If I listen at the door I can still hear him talking in there constantly, but mostly I stay away to give my ears a much needed rest.

 

I have also started wearing earplugs while cooking meals.  I tell the boys that I have work to do in the kitchen, and that for the next 15 minutes until lunch is ready I will not be paying attention to anything they say.  I don't single Peter out, or try to stop him from talking, but I do try to tune him out and rest my ears.

 

Wendy

[Pink and Green Mom]

My youngest is like that, and has been since he learned to talk (went from single words right to soliloquies...).  Cannot wait to try some of the new strategies listed here.  I love the if someone says "uh huh" absentmindedly two or three times it is time to move on.  I love the "is this a conversation or a monologue."  "My ears are tired" or "that was a great story, thank you for sharing" fall on deaf ears anymore. 

[Mimm]

I like the suggestion of teaching conversation skills deliberately. I wish I'd done this with my oldest. She's the extrovert in a family of introverts and it's hard for her. But she would monologue. She would spend 45 minutes on the phone with my sister and not be able to tell me a single thing she said or one thing going on in my sister's life. She was just interested in communicating her own thoughts, not listening to anyone else's. It's rather selfish if you think about it. And I say this of a child who in general is not very selfish. I did teach her that some people need silence and would tell her at a young age that I needed to be alone with my thoughts and she would do get best to respect that. But I should have done more to tag her conversational skills at a younger age.

[Spryte]

You have great suggestions already.  :)  I have a talker, and have used lots of the suggestions above.  It gets better with time.  Or your ears go numb, I'm not sure which, really.

 

One thing that always helped here, when I was absolutely desperate for some quiet time - audiobooks.  DS could put on headphones and listen to an audiobook, and I'd be guaranteed some quiet time.  Will your kiddo listen to an audiobook and illustrate it or something?  It's not a real solution, but more of an emergency measure that you can save for moments when you *must* have quiet.

 

 

[Scrub Jay]

How old is he?

 

My eldest is also a huge talker.  As a SLP, I am very appreciative and grateful that I have a child who can communicate so effortlessly - BUT , I have also taught her (ahem, still teaching her) that there is a time and place.  Dominating a conversation or room isn't socially acceptable behavior.  Part of being an excellent communicator isn't just the talking component but the listening, curbing over sharing, choosing stories to tell wisely, etc...  Very important for building and maintaining friendships, too.

 

How you work on this all depends on how old the child is..  And, if I do need to curb my DD's talking a bit or have her be quiet for a while I always talk about how I love talking with her, etc... but then "right now Mommy needs some quiet to relax/think, etc). 

[goldberry]

15 y/o dd talker.  It has not gotten better with age, but she has learned to moderate some by being taught some of the conversation skills already mentioned.  I have also had to do plenty of reassuring...."Just because someone is not interested in what you are talking about right at this moment, it does not mean they are not interested in YOU or that they don't like you/care about you.  It is normal for people to be interested in different things."

 

That was a big deal, because when I or someone else became disinterested (or just brain dead) she would interpret that as "not caring" and take it very personally.  She gets so excited and invested in everything (even the most mundane) she still can not really comprehend how someone else could not be equally excited.  How could that be possible??!!

 

The flip side is that she is so enthusiastic about things, in the appropriate environment, it is an awesome trait.

 

ETA, and yes, I do resort to "Sweetie, I need a minute, ok?"