Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Ok, this might seem like a ridiculous problem, and it probably is but bear with me. Our 10 yr. anniversary is coming up in 2015. My husband brought up tonite that he wants to go to a beach like place ( as we did on our honeymoon). The problem? I'm not sure I even want to go. I am not a beach person. I have fair, freckled skin that burns in 5 minutes. I have curly hair that frizzes out in humidity. I don't like creepy crawly beach animals and don't want to swim with fish or be close to any other sea life. The idea of sitting under an umbrella with a drink in hand for 5 days actually sounds horrible. I feel like I would be SO bored, miss my kids terribly, and just regret spending the money. I assume he thinks we'll split our 5 kids between grandparents, but both sets are in their 70's and my kids are little. I'm not really comfortable with that for a long period of time. Plus, we don't really have the money. I suggested a nice weekend away, but he is insisting a beach so he can unwind and do nothing. I guess we're wired differently. I don't want to do nothing. What do I do? My lack of enthusiasm showed and I could tell he was annoyed and disappointed. But it's just not what I want to do. Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Maybe a Caribbean cruise that would include a stop or two at beaches? You could get some activities, he could lounge around while on the ship (& on the beach in some ports) -- maybe it would be a way to make you both happy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 I just asked him about a cruise (which sounds great to me, btw) but his response was "boats scare me". So there's that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Can you just go for the weekend? Would a cabin in the mountains near a lake work? How about a beach with a nice boardwalk with shops? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Yes, I was just going to say that so many beach areas are fun tourist destinations...which means lots of shopping, fun little shops for browsing, local art, etc. You don't have to spend all day actually sitting on the beach! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Yes, I was just going to say that so many beach areas are fun tourist destinations...which means lots of shopping, fun little shops for browsing, local art, etc. You don't have to spend all day actually sitting on the beach! Yes. I don't know where you are, geographically speaking, but Charleston, SC, has beaches & historic areas, along w/ shopping, etc.... There are quite a few places you could go like that if you just research it a little. Also, yes, you will miss your kids, but the time w/ your dh is important too. You may find that even though you miss the kids, you enjoy the break & it will be good for you & your dh to focus on yourselves for a bit. If the grandparents are still in good enough health/willing/able to watch the kids, it is a great opportunity for the kids to make some memories with their grandparents. Since you're planning ahead, you could also look into having back-ups available for the grandparents to use too (maybe a local teen/college age kid who comes in & helps out w/ the kids some during some of the days or something). Just trying to make you excited about going on a trip & hoping you can find something that will appeal to both of you! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I would say: find out what about the beach is pulling him in. It may not be what you expect. Figure out what you would prefer to do, and see if you can find a local that has both. Will the beach trip require air travel? If the appeal for him is more the sound and motion of the waves, then the heat....maybe consider flying in to Portland Oregon, get a rental car, drive 2 hours West to spend a night an Oregon beach, spend a day in Portland (Art Museum, historic areas, wandering in downtown etc), drive an hour out of Portland to spend a day hiking in the Gorge, and fly back out of Portland. If he wants a hot beach I am sure others here can recommend a local or two with similar attributes. (Dh surprised me with a trip to Hawaii for our 20th. I had zero interest in going, had a meh time and wish he would have consulted me first so we could have figured out what I would have liked to do. One bright spot, was that I told him that since he planned the trip without my help, he accepted the responsibility to plan the entire trip. I made him make every decision --every meal, every activity, etc--, which was refreshing to me since I play single mom a lot when dh is away for work. ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 Yes, I was just going to say that so many beach areas are fun tourist destinations...which means lots of shopping, fun little shops for browsing, local art, etc. You don't have to spend all day actually sitting on the beach! I think sitting on the beach all day is exactly what he has in mind. :-) But, he's a reasonable man and is flexible. He just wants to relax. I'm not sure I even know what that means anymore, lol. I can relax in my bedroom if I could just get an hour to myself! And it would be free! We're in the Midwest so will be flying no matter what. Although I think he wants to go to a different country, I'd love to hear more recommendations for peaceful beach spots with a little fun thrown in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naturegirl Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 First, I don't think it's fair for either spouse to insist on a location for a vacation if the other is not on board. Lets say you really wanted to spend the week backpacking (I'm not saying you do want to do that, but for the sake of argument). It wouldn't be fair to insist on it if your husband said no way, I hate backpacking. That being said, there is a lot you can do at the beach if it's the right kind of beach besides just sitting there. If I were going to the beach for five days, I would spend exactly zero minutes sitting on the beach. I would find other things to do, like shopping, museums, tour a lighthouse, find a nice cafe and read, etc. I don't burn as easily as you, but sitting in the sun for hours is my idea of hell. I do occasionally enjoy walking on the beach if it is a very scenic beach. So I would either brainstorm with my husband about other types of vacations to take or I would do a lot of research and find a beach with a large variety of fun things to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 I would say: find out what about the beach is pulling him in. It may not be what you expect. Figure out what you would prefer to do, and see if you can find a local that has both. Will the beach trip require air travel? If the appeal for him is more the sound and motion of the waves, then the heat....maybe consider flying in to Portland Oregon, get a rental car, drive 2 hours West to spend a night an Oregon beach, spend a day in Portland (Art Museum, historic areas, wandering in downtown etc), drive an hour out of Portland to spend a day hiking in the Gorge, and fly back out of Portland. If he wants a hot beach I am sure others here can recommend a local or two with similar attributes. (Dh surprised me with a trip to Hawaii for our 20th. I had zero interest in going, had a meh time and wish he would have consulted me first so we could have figured out what I would have liked to do. One bright spot, was that I told him that since he planned the trip without my help, he accepted the responsibility to plan the entire trip. I made him make every decision --every meal, every activity, etc--, which was refreshing to me since I play single mom a lot when dh is away for work. ) Its the laying around doing nothing and peace that he's craving. We've had 5 kids in 6 years so it's well deserved. I'm SO afraid we will spend thousands, and I will have a "meh" time. I don't need to go anywhere special. I personally just would love a weekend away...doesn't matter where as long as we could sleep in, enjoy dinner out, etc. But he wants a hot beach. We need a compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 First, I don't think it's fair for either spouse to insist on a location for a vacation if the other is not on board. Lets say you really wanted to spend the week backpacking (I'm not saying you do want to do that, but for the sake of argument). It wouldn't be fair to insist on it if your husband said no way, I hate backpacking. That being said, there is a lot you can do at the beach if it's the right kind of beach besides just sitting there. If I were going to the beach for five days, I would spend exactly zero minutes sitting on the beach. I would find other things to do, like shopping, museums, tour a lighthouse, find a nice cafe and read, etc. I don't burn as easily as you, but sitting in the sun for hours is my idea of hell. I do occasionally enjoy walking on the beach if it is a very scenic beach. So I would either brainstorm with my husband about other types of vacations to take or I would do a lot of research and find a beach with a large variety of fun things to do. Yep, you nailed it. He doesn't want to DO anything. It was the same thing for our honeymoon. I wanted to go to Disney, he wanted beach. So we went to Jamaica because it seemed more honeymoon like. It was nice, but not the time of my life. I remember wanting to do something and the all inclusive place we were at had zero nightlife. I was bummed. To be fair, he took me to Disney later, and NYC too. I am torn because I know we deserve time away, but there are lots of factors that say a big vacation isn't right for us. He does respect my opinion, but it can tell he's disappointed that I'm not jumping for joy at the idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I could not understand why someone would not want to go to the beach and the ocean but then I realized you are talking about quite a different experience than West coast beaches. You can walk here; there are not so many people everywhere that you trip over bellies (at least not in Northern CA) and it can be foggy and a cool breeze even though I am here to tell you one can still get sunburnt. I'd find out what his main priority is. Does your dh want to relax and literally do nothing? Can you fly west and try out "our beaches?" Would a cruise appeal to you and him? Would he be fine with a little cabin near a river/ lake? This is another great opportunity to make a list and put your top choices and why, then slowly find middle ground and compromise. I love lists. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naturegirl Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Yep, you nailed it. He doesn't want to DO anything. It was the same thing for our honeymoon. I wanted to go to Disney, he wanted beach. So we went to Jamaica because it seemed more honeymoon like. It was nice, but not the time of my life. I remember wanting to do something and the all inclusive place we were at had zero nightlife. I was bummed. To be fair, he took me to Disney later, and NYC too. I am torn because I know we deserve time away, but there are lots of factors that say a big vacation isn't right for us. He does respect my opinion, but it can tell he's disappointed that I'm not jumping for joy at the idea. But do you have to do the same things all day? Can't he sit on the beach and you go explore then meet back with each other at dinner? Or is that weird? I can completely see my husband and I doing this. I'd drop him off at some sort of sporting event then go shopping for a few hours. I can usually get myself excited about any location if I haven't been there before because I like to explore new places. For example my husband has a conference in Texas next year. I actually have no desire to go to Texas (no offense to any Texans, it's just not my favorite place), but I am still excited because I haven't been to this particular city before. So I'm just going to research things to do there and enjoy visiting a new place. Then most likely never go back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Would he be offended if you spent more time in the condo than on the beach? I'm a person who can relax or entertain myself anywhere, so maybe that's weird. I also am fair and fry in the sun. I'd look at the trip as a couples getaway. Spends some quality time in the room with him. Walk on the beach in the early morning or late in the evening, but let him go fry alone mid-day while you read, or shop, or tour something, or even rent a kayak. Keep your eye on the prize. It's time alone with your DH when you don't have to choose between TeA and sleep. You can get plenty of both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 We must be related, as I'm pale with freckles, burn within moments of stepping out in the sun, my hair frizzes, and I hate, hate, hate the beach. Blech. If he really wants to just relax and do nothing, ask him to rethink the cruise. What is he afraid of about the boats? Honestly, the absolute most relaxing vacations we have ever had have been cruises. You can literally do nothing if you want, or you can do any of the hundreds of things there are to on the ship. Plus, people wait on you and bring you whatever you want. Seriously, it's the best. Since you like Disney, the Disney cruises are amazeballs. There were loads of couple without kids on board. There are adult only sections, pools and hot tubs, bars (if you like that), places to dance, and shows that are out of this world. There are also smaller things going on in the evening. We went to see a magician, who was great, and a couple of comedians. There's nothing like laughing! If you do a Caribbean cruise, you will stop at a couple of beaches, including Disney's private island if he absolutely wants to go to a beach, but you won't have to worry about anything. The first night on one of our Disney cruises, I was sitting up on the deck reading a book and just enjoying the stars and moonlight and water. I was one of about 10 people on the whole deck. A pool guy came buy and told me I would get chilly soon, and brought me 2 blankets. It was heavenly to just sit and enjoy the quiet and have someone be concerned that I would get cold. I would live on a cruise ship if I could afford it. ;) On our last cruise (Royal Caribbean), one of the suites that was next to ours, belonged to a lady who was on her THIRD back to back cruise on that ship. She said she just stayed on the ship (a lot of people were doing it, according to our cabin attendant), and did something different at each port, or just hung out and relaxed on board. NICE! I want to do that. Anyway, I would gently try to reintroduce a cruise. You will not regret it, and once he's onboard and sees how freaking big the ship is, I can't imagine what he would be afraid of. It's like a piece of paradise on the open sea. We're flying to Disney World tomorrow (I should probably pack!), and as much as I love Disney, I would MUCH rather go on a cruise. Heck, even Indy said he prefers cruising to theme parks! Good luck. I hope you guys can come to some sort of compromise. I would be miserable at a beach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I suggest being thrilled that dh wants to spend some time relaxing with YOU! :) The money is small potatoes in the big picture of nourishing your relationship and your husband. Maybe your gift to HIM could be finding some enthusiasm for something that obviously excites him? Get a book on the Carribean and check out the options to see if an island appeals. There are islands that are great for foodies (Anguilla . . . I drool just thinking of it . . . We're strongly considering it for our 20th next June), others that have casinos (icky IMHO, but plenty of folks love that stuff), some that have really cool historical and artsy stuff, nice music/dance scenes, etc. You can go somewhere mountainous (volcanic islands). Kauai is another fave of mine (also in the running for a redux next year . . . We went there for our 10th and returning for the 20th seems right somehow), and is NOT really hot, more temperate, and there are lots of nice things to do. If you pick an island like Anguilla or Kauai and rent a car, you can spend fun days driving to various beaches (the drive will be fun and beautiful), eating at awesome restaurants, then just spend a few hours beaching/snorkeling/etc, then stop in funky shops or do a historic site . . . You could spend a few nights at a beach resort and a few nights at a resort up on a mountain (with nice pool, of course) . . . Oh, so many nice things to do, and lovely weather. You can go shopping on your own for a couple hours to browse batiks or whatever, while dh gets an extra couple hours at the beach. If you like spa/massage stuff, choose a place that has those offerings and treat yourself to a massage/facial/mani/pedi whatever a couple afternoons while dh soaks up the hottest rays (between nice lunch with you and nice dinner/evening out . . .) Boat trips are often the highlights of our trips. I have loved the catamaran-snorkel expeditions as well as the glass-bottom-boat-snorkel trips. If you are adventurous, you could both learn to scuba or you could do kayak/hike/helicopter/you name it things. We have a 1 gallon change jar on our desk where we dump out purses/drawers/etc. When we got engaged (poor, grad school), we saved all our change and "found money"in it for a year, and we had $400 (in 1995 that went far!) for only fun treats during our honeymoon (my first time to the Caribbean), and we spent it on catamaran-snorkel trip and similar super cool stuff. That same change jar is now full to the top, and we have almost a year to go before our trip, so we might have closer to $1000 in pure FUN money before our trip. That extra $$ for extras (massages, boat trips, etc) makes the world of difference IME. The first $$ gets you there and housed and fed. The last $ makes it super fun and the best memories. So, anyway, I think if you try you could find an island that could appeal to both of you, and you could have a fabulous time. Don't be a party pooper! This is a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. Make it awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 ps. Ditch the kiddos for this trip. I understand the temptation. Mine aren't so young anymore, but I am still tempted to take them with us to Kauai for our 20th since our oldest will be heading off to college a couple months later, and they're the right ages to enjoy it without cramping our style too much . . . But, dh talked me out of it pretty easily. There are times for full family, but an occasional couple trip is important, too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I don't think it is feasible to leave even on child under 6 with people in their 70's let alone 2 or 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Find a way to go and enjoy the beach with your dh. You don't want to look back years from now and wish you had taken a that trip to the beach dh wanted to go on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 You seem to be afraid to state your opinion bluntly because it will disappoint your DH. It is okay for him to be disappointed. It won't damage your relationship to be honest with him. In fact, it will help the two of you to connect more.Tell him that you simply aren't interested in lying on a beach for 5 days straight. Give him an alternative or two that you think might work, and brainstorm with him. It is possible to come up with a compromise, but only if you talk about the situation honestly and openly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Could it be that his face fell because of your doubts about leaving the kids? If he's like my man, he wants occasional reminders of how I love spending time with him--just him. I need that, too! So maybe he read your lack of enthusiasm as more personal--and that hurts. Also, I'll bet he'd be up for doing more than just lying on the beach after a few days of relaxing. I do feel strongly that an anniversary trip should include togetherness, not just two people doing their own thing and coming together in the night. Hope you find a way to compromise. Maybe you can rent an umbrella, wear a ton of sunscreen and a hat, and read a great book beside him for a couple of days (interspersed with lunch out, walks along the shore, dinner out, naps, teA, etc!), and then take a day to explore a small beach town, a little museum or historic area, or whatever. Sort of a combo. If you do the explore part after he's relaxed a bit, I'll bet he'd have fun. Try to think of it as building your marriage and setting a great example for your kids of how one must tend marriage like a garden, if nothing else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Uggh. I understand. My husband is a beach person and I hate absolutely everything about the beach. I'm sorry. That sounds like a horrible vacation to me. I hope you get some say in the matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I would try to find a beach destination with lots of other non-water activities. Have you considered Cancun, Long Island, NY beaches (close to NYC), Florida, Cayman Islands? Then he can get his beach fix and you can still have a few days of non-beach activities? It's also possible that he wants "beach" because it is associated with some aspect of your honeymoon that he remembers fondly, so try to schuss that out and see if he's really wanting a beach or some other associated experience. ETA: An anniversary trip shouldn't include the kids, and as long as your parents are in good health, 70s shouldn't be an issue. Ours are in the late 80s and perfectly capable of watching my kids (but....I will admit, my kids are easy to mind). Ok, this might seem like a ridiculous problem, and it probably is but bear with me. Our 10 yr. anniversary is coming up in 2015. My husband brought up tonite that he wants to go to a beach like place ( as we did on our honeymoon). The problem? I'm not sure I even want to go.I am not a beach person. I have fair, freckled skin that burns in 5 minutes. I have curly hair that frizzes out in humidity. I don't like creepy crawly beach animals and don't want to swim with fish or be close to any other sea life. The idea of sitting under an umbrella with a drink in hand for 5 days actually sounds horrible. I feel like I would be SO bored, miss my kids terribly, and just regret spending the money.I assume he thinks we'll split our 5 kids between grandparents, but both sets are in their 70's and my kids are little. I'm not really comfortable with that for a long period of time. Plus, we don't really have the money.I suggested a nice weekend away, but he is insisting a beach so he can unwind and do nothing. I guess we're wired differently. I don't want to do nothing. What do I do? My lack of enthusiasm showed and I could tell he was annoyed and disappointed. But it's just not what I want to do. Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 You know what might fit this bill, now that I think more? The outer banks of NC. Veeerrrry relaxing,not expensive, and little side trips you can take if you are bored. Clean beaches, not blazingly hot, warmish water, not as crowded as most beaches in summer. Its the laying around doing nothing and peace that he's craving. We've had 5 kids in 6 years so it's well deserved. I'm SO afraid we will spend thousands, and I will have a "meh" time. I don't need to go anywhere special. I personally just would love a weekend away...doesn't matter where as long as we could sleep in, enjoy dinner out, etc. But he wants a hot beach. We need a compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 If you went somewhere with a large pool, he could veg poolside or float around on a pool float while you went and did stuff you like. And compromise "I'll spend x number hours reading a book in the shade of a an umbrella while you broil in the sun, keeping you company, if you spend x number hours going to a restaurant or visiting a museum etc. with me. And neither of us is allowed to roll our eyes or sigh while doing what the other one likes." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 You know what might fit this bill, now that I think more? The outer banks of NC. Veeerrrry relaxing,not expensive, and little side trips you can take if you are bored. Clean beaches, not blazingly hot, warmish water, not as crowded as most beaches in summer. ITA. We love the Outer Banks. It's been several years (and a few little boys) since we have been there, but we usually do a couple of hours in the early morning on the beach, and then we sightsee and such during the middle of the day and maybe go back out to the beach for a bit in the evening. I am very fair and burn super easily, as do some of my children, and I generally dislike the beach, but I like the Outer Banks. We went there for our honeymoon, and no, we did not spend the entire time on the beach; there's plenty of other stuff to do, side trips, etc. (We took the two kids on our tenth anniversary trip, which was fun, but maybe not as relaxing as one might want for a tenth anniversary. For our fifteenth, last year, I was very pregnant with baby #5, as in, due 13 days after our anniversary, and since our fourth came 2.5 weeks before his due date, we were just praying that #5 would make it past our anniversary [he did; he didn't come until 4 days after his due date, 17 days after our anniversary]. I have yet to have a weekend or overnight with just DH and no kids; maybe we'll get that for our twentieth, because I think I could leave the kids, even DS4, who will be almost 5, at that point, for a few days.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 A bed and breakfast or a cabin on a lake? Strolls through the woods and along the not very sandy beach? Maybe ride the paddle boat bicycle thing together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I suggest being thrilled that dh wants to spend some time relaxing with YOU! :) The money is small potatoes in the big picture of nourishing your relationship and your husband. Maybe your gift to HIM could be finding some enthusiasm for something that obviously excites him? <snip> Don't be a party pooper! This is a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. Make it awesome! Find a way to go and enjoy the beach with your dh. You don't want to look back years from now and wish you had taken a that trip to the beach dh wanted to go on. I think this is unfair to the OP. Why shouldn't both partners get a say? It sounds like the trip is going to be expensive and a fairly big deal; both of them should enjoy it. I would be a bit taken aback if dh brought it up with such specific plans in mind, because that would be something we would discuss together. It's actually rather rude, imo, to suggest long days on the beach to someone who sunburns so easily. dh and I both enjoy some activities that the other person does not . . . neither of us would ever suggest basing an anniversary trip around one of those things! Her dh should not be expected to go on a cruise, either. There is absolutely nothing wrong with discussing it as a couple, and deciding on a destination they can both enjoy. ETA: An anniversary trip shouldn't include the kids, and as long as your parents are in good health, 70s shouldn't be an issue. Ours are in the late 80s and perfectly capable of watching my kids (but....I will admit, my kids are easy to mind). I think that your kids are considerably older than hers, not to mention fewer in number, lol. Keeping an eye on two easy-going school children is much easier than chasing after a crowd of littles. My mom is mid 70s; she still rides roller coasters and goes zip-lining, but she draws the line at watching toddlers :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Yes, it slipped my mind that there are a few more of OP's! I want to get to know your zip-lining mom! I think this is unfair to the OP. Why shouldn't both partners get a say? It sounds like the trip is going to be expensive and a fairly big deal; both of them should enjoy it. I would be a bit taken aback if dh brought it up with such specific plans in mind, because that would be something we would discuss together. It's actually rather rude, imo, to suggest long days on the beach to someone who sunburns so easily. dh and I both enjoy some activities that the other person does not . . . neither of us would ever suggest basing an anniversary trip around one of those things! Her dh should not be expected to go on a cruise, either. There is absolutely nothing wrong with discussing it as a couple, and deciding on a destination they can both enjoy. I think that your kids are considerably older than hers, not to mention fewer in number, lol. Keeping an eye on two easy-going school children is much easier than chasing after a crowd of littles. My mom is mid 70s; she still rides roller coasters and goes zip-lining, but she draws the line at watching toddlers :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I think before fretting over location, you need to hammer whether it's really reasonable to leave 2-3 "littles" with grandparents in their 70s. People in their 70s tend to not handle getting up with crying babies well. They tend to fall and break their bones. They don't always think e safety precautions of the younger generation are reasonable or they just plain don't think of them at all. Their homes are often not baby/toddler friendly. Aside from that, just sitting and doing nothing but sipping margaritas would drive me insane. And I could do it for free at home without getting sand in my lower regions. The only thing I'd hate more is shopping. So I could do the beach lay about thing for for a few hours once a day for a couple days, but any longer than that and I'd give dh a kiss and tell him to enjoy relaxing, but I'm going to go do something else. However, I would not just sit at the beach. I'd have to drag me out of the water for dinner. Snorkeling. Scuba diving. Maybe try surfing. Just floating... So I guess we're both party poopers. ;p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Ok, this might seem like a ridiculous problem, and it probably is but bear with me. Our 10 yr. anniversary is coming up in 2015. My husband brought up tonite that he wants to go to a beach like place ( as we did on our honeymoon). The problem? I'm not sure I even want to go. I am not a beach person. I have fair, freckled skin that burns in 5 minutes. I have curly hair that frizzes out in humidity. I don't like creepy crawly beach animals and don't want to swim with fish or be close to any other sea life. The idea of sitting under an umbrella with a drink in hand for 5 days actually sounds horrible. I feel like I would be SO bored, miss my kids terribly, and just regret spending the money. I assume he thinks we'll split our 5 kids between grandparents, but both sets are in their 70's and my kids are little. I'm not really comfortable with that for a long period of time. Plus, we don't really have the money. I suggested a nice weekend away, but he is insisting a beach so he can unwind and do nothing. I guess we're wired differently. I don't want to do nothing. What do I do? My lack of enthusiasm showed and I could tell he was annoyed and disappointed. But it's just not what I want to do. Thoughts? I get not being a beach person--I'm not, either. However, if this were me in your shoes? It would be the bolded that would make me against the trip. Those are two very good reasons to negotiate a compromise on location. No way would I leave five little kids with elderly grandparents for a week while I traveled out of the country, and no way would I spend money I didn't really have to spend time with my DH. Yes, having alone time is important, but you don't jeopardize the family's finances over it. If you do find yourself working out the childcare situation and decide you'll try the beach, I would try staying in the US to save money. I don't care for east coast beaches (and I live on the east coast--I've been to beaches in NJ, DE, MD, VA, NC, and FL. Ew. All of them.). So when we do go to the beach, I hit the Gulf coast, usually of FL. I find it a lot more tolerable. :) However, I'd probably be aiming for a compromise at a cabin somewhere within driving distance, preferably on a nice lake, where you and your husband can both relax and enjoy yourselves while being close to the kids and not breaking the bank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I don't know..... my dh likes to go to the beach and just.lay.there. And not even talk. So I send him alone (its not that far away) because its torture to just sit there. I get happy outside and want to chat. Also I prefer walking on the beach to just laying there. And like you, I burn before I can even get the sunscreen on. My best (probably not good) ideas are 1) send him a few days ahead so he can get the laying around on the beach out of his system, then when you get there, you can do more sightseeing, 2) maybe go to a beach with a lot to do that is non-beach, maybe sleep in while he goes to the beach, you can be ready to sight see when he gets back, 3) go to the west coast, you wouldn't mind southern California beaches as much as its cooler (and I don't burn near as quickly there), there is also TONS to see and do there as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 I think before fretting over location, you need to hammer whether it's really reasonable to leave 2-3 "littles" with grandparents in their 70s. People in their 70s tend to not handle getting up with crying babies well. They tend to fall and break their bones. They don't always think e safety precautions of the younger generation are reasonable or they just plain don't think of them at all. Their homes are often not baby/toddler friendly. Aside from that, just sitting and doing nothing but sipping margaritas would drive me insane. And I could do it for free at home without getting sand in my lower regions. The only thing I'd hate more is shopping. So I could do the beach lay about thing for for a few hours once a day for a couple days, but any longer than that and I'd give dh a kiss and tell him to enjoy relaxing, but I'm going to go do something else. However, I would not just sit at the beach. I'd have to drag me out of the water for dinner. Snorkeling. Scuba diving. Maybe try surfing. Just floating... So I guess we're both party poopers. ;p Yes, I've definitely thought of this. Both sets of grandparents are relatively healthy, but...still 70ish. My mom tends to forget things easily, my FIL had heart surgery, etc. My husband thinks they could handle them but I'm not sure. The boys will be 8,7 and 5 and the girls 4 and 3. So not exactly babies, but young nonetheless. This would be a lot to ask of them as the most they've ever done is one night sleepovers. I could maybe think of a few high school girls that could relieve both of them for a few hours, but I would still be nervous. It's just a lot. You're right, we'd need to hammer this out first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 How about a nice compromise and spending time at a nice lake house? If you live in the Midwest, there should be lots of these available at a reasonable driving distance. With the money saved on airfare, you can splurge for a nicer place and better restaurants. You can both focus on relaxing in the way you enjoy best. VRBO.com will have some great houses. Check reviews carefully. Since you wouldn't be as far away, this may give you more peace of mind. Do you have friends you could ask to help babysit? Maybe a friend could watch kids during the day and your parents be in charge of dinner and putting them to bed. Watching small children all day, when someone isn't used to it, is tiring. Your dh is telling you he wants to get away with you. Some people need more peace and quiet than others. I'm one of them. Please understand how important this is to him and see how you can also enjoy the time recharging together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I'll be honest, I'm in my 50s, my dc are single. If I had grandchildren those ages, I wouldn't even last a day, and I would be ready to pass them off before bed. It would wipe me out! So I get what you are saying about getting good childcare. I wonder if the lake house nearby would work best, money saved on airfare could pay two late teen or older babysitters to stay at your house. Or a nice B & B or upscale hotel with a nice pool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I think that's too much commitment for the grandparents. Asking them to babysit one night a few weeks out...sure. Babysitting for a week next year?...nope. Why not come up with ten day-trips spaced throughout your tenth year? One could be a weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 OP, I just thought of something else that's a good mix; another poster mentioning Gulf Coast beaches got me thinking about it. On the Gulf Coast of Florida are endless beaches and little, inexpensive resorts near Crystal River that are family friendly. So if you must bring the kids, they would be able to find something to do there; there are usually other families staying there also and the environment is very casual and friendly. Your husband could have his beaches, but the little resorts are gems for you because they are inexpensive and have some interesting things to do nearby (snorkel Crystal River, scuba various springs, sip drinks on the patio with other vacationers, fish, swim with manatees, look in little antique shops, not too far from Orlando). We spent a long weekend there one year and it was perfect, but it would be too slow-paced for me for an entire week. Something to consider... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 The more I think about this the more I think leaving the country and leaving my kids with grandparents is not a good idea. I also don't mean to paint my husband in a negative light here...he is thoughtful, respectful, flexible, an all around great guy...but he feels very strongly about us getting away without the kids to RELAX. And he wants to go somewhere warm in the winter (anniversary is in December) So, a lake house or whatever in the Midwest probably wouldn't fit the bill. So where else could we jet away to for a long weekend in January or February? We need rest and relaxation but I need entertainment, shopping, etc. Just to give you an idea of how opposite we are: his dream vacation would be an all-inclusive beach, drinking under an umbrella while I sat there burning and fidgeting because I'm bored. My ideal vacation would be NYC hitting the broadway shoes, fabulous restaurants, etc. He would hate that for this trip. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 ITA. We love the Outer Banks. It's been several years (and a few little boys) since we have been there, but we usually do a couple of hours in the early morning on the beach, and then we sightsee and such during the middle of the day and maybe go back out to the beach for a bit in the evening. I am very fair and burn super easily, as do some of my children, and I generally dislike the beach, but I like the Outer Banks. We went there for our honeymoon, and no, we did not spend the entire time on the beach; there's plenty of other stuff to do, side trips, etc. (We took the two kids on our tenth anniversary trip, which was fun, but maybe not as relaxing as one might want for a tenth anniversary. For our fifteenth, last year, I was very pregnant with baby #5, as in, due 13 days after our anniversary, and since our fourth came 2.5 weeks before his due date, we were just praying that #5 would make it past our anniversary [he did; he didn't come until 4 days after his due date, 17 days after our anniversary]. I have yet to have a weekend or overnight with just DH and no kids; maybe we'll get that for our twentieth, because I think I could leave the kids, even DS4, who will be almost 5, at that point, for a few days.) I'm intrigued about the Outer Banks. I've never heard of it. Can you give me some ideas of where to look for lodging? Where do I want to be for location? I kind of like this idea! Even if not for this trip, maybe a future family vacation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 The more I think about this the more I think leaving the country and leaving my kids with grandparents is not a good idea. I also don't mean to paint my husband in a negative light here...he is thoughtful, respectful, flexible, an all around great guy...but he feels very strongly about us getting away without the kids to RELAX. And he wants to go somewhere warm in the winter (anniversary is in December) So, a lake house or whatever in the Midwest probably wouldn't fit the bill. So where else could we jet away to for a long weekend in January or February? We need rest and relaxation but I need entertainment, shopping, etc. Just to give you an idea of how opposite we are: his dream vacation would be an all-inclusive beach, drinking under an umbrella while I sat there burning and fidgeting because I'm bored. My ideal vacation would be NYC hitting the broadway shoes, fabulous restaurants, etc. He would hate that for this trip. :-) I get your husband's POV, too. I like what I like. :) But so do you, so I do hope you come up with something that works for both of you! I'll repeat myself and suggest the Gulf coast of FL again. It'll still be warm in winter, but it will be in the country/not a long flight. There you can find someplace that will offer enough for both of you, I'm sure. He can sit on the beach all day, you can shop and sight see, and in the evening you can find a nice restaurant and maybe take a walk on the beach together around sunset (something I find--not being a beach lover--as pretty nice. No sunburn, no sand up my bum). I usually end up somewhere between Clearwater and St. Pete Beach, but there are plenty of choices. ETA: The Outer Banks won't be warm enough to enjoy the beach in December. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Not who you quoted, but we've spent a lot of time in the Outer Banks (we're in southern Virginia, so it's not a far drive for us). When you stay is important; you don't want to plan a vacay there during hurricaine season (peak is July-mid October). Winter is not real warm swim weather there, but one January a few years ago, I experienced my best all-time day ever there when we stayed on the beach and walked along with migrating whales for hours; they were right off the beach. It can be quite warm in December there, but the water is not warm (OTOH, if you're accustomed to beaches in Maine in August, you'll think it's bathwater, LOL!). Where you stay depends on what you want. The northern outer banks are liveliest and have the best nightlife, so check out places in Corolla, Duck, Kitty Hawk, and Nag's Head. The lower Outer Banks has some historical sites (aquarium, museums of the first settlement in new world) and include Hatteras, Buxton, and Manteo; we like Manteo for the variety of things to do in the area. You'll find a good choice of lodging, food options, and things to do in those towns. ETA: I don't know where you are located, but if you are East Coast, Chincoteague Island in Virginia is only a short drive. Again, not a hopping-wild vacay spot, and not enough to keep me occupied for a week, but definitely a nice, long-weekend family type of place. The beach is gorgeous, you can spend all day at Assateague National Wildlife Refuge (if you're lucky, Misty's descendants will stop on the roadway and let you pet them), have a nice seafood dinner, visit Wallop's Island, and spend time listening to live music at one of the restaurants on the water. And it's inexpensive. We spend Memorial and Labor Day weekends there, and my kids beg for it every year. It's not Jersey shore hopping, but it's calm and sane and relaxing. I'm intrigued about the Outer Banks. I've never heard of it. Can you give me some ideas of where to look for lodging? Where do I want to be for location? I kind of like this idea! Even if not for this trip, maybe a future family vacation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Outer Banks, Chincoteague, etc will be too cold to sit on the beach. How about Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas? I've been there (about 15 years ago) and it's lovely. The beach is ok, but there are tons of pools, some little cove-y spaces tucked away in the garden type pools--oh it's lovely. They have water slides, too, and places to walk. He can have his umbrella drink, you can have a great book and a shady spot, and then you can eat right there or take a water taxi to the Straw Market or whatever. It really is great. You can get a reasonable room-- There's also high end shopping (just for looking if you don't want to buy) and a casino--we never gambled, but we did see a gorgeous Chihuly glass sculpture. Atlantis I think we stayed here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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