Tired of my school drama yet (lol)? I'm seeing red.

[AimeeM]

Friday I picked DD up from school and she told me that she'd sat through some evaluations for speech and hearing.

 

To back up a bit, last week Headmaster sent out an e-mail telling parents that they were going to have a private practice coming in to do speech and hearing evals with the students, at no charge to the parents; if we wanted our children to participate, we had to submit permission in writing.

 

WE DID NOT want DD to participate. The why's aren't important, but we have decided to have all evals done off school property and not through the school (i.e. setting up her psych ed eval to take place elsewhere). We do not want anything more to do with the school. DD has never had speech problems and our insurance would have covered hearing screening, which is something that would have been taken care of over the summer. We did not submit permission for DD to participate.

 

Today I picked DD up from a camp out and asked Headmaster if DD had participated. He said "not to my knowledge; she wasn't on my list". I told him what DD said, and then he stated "well, then I guess she did participate; I would suggest you just take it as a free eval".

 

That is NOT the point. AGAIN the school overstepped their boundaries. So then we get home and there's an e-mail from the office admin at the school, stating that she takes full responsibility and that she decided/thought that it would be in DD's best interest to have the evals done, regardless of no permission slip/note, and that she apologizes if she overstepped :huh: . So, she DECIDED to disregard policy and go behind our backs to have this done.

 

I know some people are going to say it isn't a big deal - that hey, she got a free eval out of it, but that really isn't the point. They knew we didn't give our permission, and they did it anyway.

 

I'm livid. I'm probably overreacting, but I'm beyond livid.

 

 

[almondbutterandjelly]

You are not over-reacting.  This school is way out of line in so many ways.

[Kathryn]

If it was some sort of mistake or oversight, I might say not a big deal but they need to review their policies/procedures. But, for the admin to admit that SHE took it upon herself to disregard your lack of consent and do it anyway is absolutely unacceptable.

[Aiden]

You're not overreacting. Some secretary decided that her judgment trumped yours when it comes to your child.

 

I'd be contacting the district about disciplinary action for the office admin. If their response is not satisfactory, I'd be talking to a lawyer to see what we can do to force the district to pay attention to this gross violation of parental rights.

 

Oh, wait, just saw--private school. I assume you've not signed anything in the past giving permission or acknowledging that they have the right to make these decisions? If so, you made a bad choice there, are reaping the consequences now, and don't have the right to be upset with the school. If you have not given them persmission for this type of thing, I'd be talking to the board of directors/regents/whoever has final say over employee disciplinary actions and back up to paragraph 2. Of course, that's assuming you'll be pulling your daughter out of the school--if you involve lawyers without pulling her out, they may well kick her out, and if that's not an acceptable solution to you, then you'll need to be much more diplomatic, talk to the principal again, and hope he decides to enforce your wishes with the admin.

[Hannah]

Not acceptable. Not. At. All.  This is waaaaaay overstepping the boundaries. 

And the admin person thinking that she had the right to do this says a lot about the general ethos of the school.

[*Lulu*]

If it was some sort of mistake or oversight, I might say not a big deal but they need to review their policies/procedures. But, for the admin to admit that SHE took it upon herself to disregard your lack of consent and do it anyway is absolutely unacceptable.

This.

 

I in light of everything else that has gone on with this school's administration I would be seething-let's-go-see-an-attorney angry at this. (And I am definitely not one to say "get thee to an attorney" at the drop of a hat.)

[medawyn]

Unacceptable.  

 

I haven't posted before, but as a former teacher in a small start-up private school, I've been following with interest (and a great deal of empathy).  Poorly run schools are a bad situation for parents, children, and teachers.

 

I hope you find an acceptable alternative for your daughter next year.

[AimeeM]

If it was some sort of mistake or oversight, I might say not a big deal but they need to review their policies/procedures. But, for the admin to admit that SHE took it upon herself to disregard your lack of consent and do it anyway is absolutely unacceptable.

 

At first I thought oversight - which is why I asked the Headmaster this morning. A little miffed when I thought that, but certainly not livid (easy mistake to make, I suppose, if most of the other children were participating, right?), but then I got the e-mail... and saw red.

[AimeeM]

You're not overreacting. Some secretary decided that her judgment trumped yours when it comes to your child.

 

I'd be contacting the district about disciplinary action for the office admin. If their response is not satisfactory, I'd be talking to a lawyer to see what we can do to force the district to pay attention to this gross violation of parental rights.

 

Oh, wait, just saw--private school. I assume you've not signed anything in the past giving permission or acknowledging that they have the right to make these decisions? If so, you made a bad choice there, are reaping the consequences now, and don't have the right to be upset with the school. If you have not given them persmission for this type of thing, I'd be talking to the board of directors/regents/whoever has final say over employee disciplinary actions and back up to paragraph 2. Of course, that's assuming you'll be pulling your daughter out of the school--if you involve lawyers without pulling her out, they may well kick her out, and if that's not an acceptable solution to you, then you'll need to be much more diplomatic, talk to the principal again, and hope he decides to enforce your wishes with the admin.

 

We are pulling her next year, which is why we decided to not have any evals done at the school.

 

I signed nothing giving them permission to perform evals like this; nothing giving them permission to utilize outside practices to perform ANY type of diagnostics or evals. I am very sure about this.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I'm sorry, Aimee.  What a mess.  I know the hard part for you is that your dd enjoys the school.  But it seems like you are getting a strong and clear message that this is not the place for her.

 

I would be absolutely livid too, and this would be the final straw.  You've said before that the school has serious leadership issues.  It's just too bad you have to leave on such a sour note.  Maybe your experience will prevent someone else from going through the same thing you've experienced.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[AimeeM]

Not acceptable. Not. At. All.  This is waaaaaay overstepping the boundaries. 

And the admin person thinking that she had the right to do this says a lot about the general ethos of the school.

 

I have to admit that I like this woman in general. With that said, more infuriating was the Headmaster's "meh - take it and be grateful" attitude.

 

They performed tests and evaluation on my daughter, without my permission, behind my back, KNOWING that I didn't give my permission. I seriously cannot believe it. I can't even wrap my head around it.

[73349]

Wow. Um... when is the last day again?? I would put in writing, signed by both parents, that this is unacceptable. If there's a Board above the Headmaster, they need a copy of this.

[AimeeM]

I'm sorry, Aimee.  What a mess.  I know the hard part for you is that your dd enjoys the school.  But it seems like you are getting a strong and clear message that this is not the place for her.

 

I would be absolutely livid too, and this would be the final straw.  You've said before that the school has serious leadership issues.  It's just too bad you have to leave on such a sour note.  Maybe your experience will prevent someone else from going through the same thing you've experienced.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Actually it was DD who requested we not consider sending her back for the year. She did decide that she wanted to finish out the year, and as the year ends she is becoming somewhat emotional about the few teachers who sincerely are absolutely amazing (one of her tutors, the phys ed teacher, and the art teacher), but it's helpful that she's decided on her own that she isn't learning anything, and that it isn't a healthy place for her emotionally.

 

Honestly, I get the feeling that even beyond the lack of leadership and communication... I believe they've lied or embellished quite a bit. The math teacher we were concerned about? The one they kept insisting was qualified to teach math through trig? Her school profile page shows only 10+ years of experience teaching ELA, and degrees in that area - nothing showing that she has EXPERIENCE teaching 2E children math.

[AimeeM]

Wow. Um... when is the last day again?? I would put in writing, signed by both parents, that this is unacceptable. If there's a Board above the Headmaster, they need a copy of this.

 

Tony has an e-mail ready to send out on DD's last day (they have full days Monday and Tuesday; half days and ceremonies Wednesday and Thursday). It pretty much says everything he has wanted to tell the Headmaster for last couple months, but we didn't want to make things bad for DD while she finished out the year.

 

There is a board... but the Headmaster is the founder of the school, financially backs the school for the most part (I believe), and is either friends with, or employs, most (if not all) of the board.

[Mandylubug]

Ugh

[Aiden]

We are pulling her next year, which is why we decided to not have any evals done at the school.

 

I signed nothing giving them permission to perform evals like this; nothing giving them permission to utilize outside practices to perform ANY type of diagnostics or evals. I am very sure about this.

 

Then I'd go all out. Contact their governing board, and if their response is anything other than horrified at the audacity of the admin, talk to a lawyer about whether they had the legal right to do this and what penalties you can petition for. I also don't reach for the lawyer card first, but in this case ... yep, I'd talk to one. And I haven't even seen whatever else they've done.

 

[zoobie]

Another mark of how unprofessional they are. I would be furious as well.

[Danestress]

I don't blame you at all.  I would be furious too.  Basically, she decided that her judgment as to what is best for your daughter trumps yours. 

[OneStepAtATime]

This school administration is a menace.  They are ignorant AND arrogant.  Wow!  They need some extreme training or to be shut down.  With all the laundry list of idiot things they have done I am really amazed that they are still in business.

 

So, so very sorry that you and your family are still having to deal with these people.

[AimeeM]

This school administration is a menace.  They are ignorant AND arrogant.  Wow!  They need some extreme training or to be shut down.  With all the laundry list of idiot things they have done I am really amazed that they are still in business.

 

So, so very sorry that you and your family are still having to deal with these people.

 

One more week and we're done. Done. Autumn was ridiculously happy to see our shipments of books start to come in, lol; I've never seen a child woop for joy over Apples and Pears. It makes me happy that she realizes it's in her best interest - but it makes me sad that she understands she's lost an entire year academically, been beaten down emotionally, and want so badly to catch back up to where we were (sad that she would NEED to feel that desperation).

[OneStepAtATime]

One more week and we're done. Done. Autumn was ridiculously happy to see our shipments of books start to come in, lol; I've never seen a child woop for joy over Apples and Pears. It makes me happy that she realizes it's in her best interest - but it makes me sad that she understands she's lost an entire year academically, been beaten down emotionally, and want so badly to catch back up to where we were (sad that she would NEED to feel that desperation).

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Wish we lived closer....we could have a "Toss this school out the window, I will not be beaten down by these idiots, this next school year is gonna rock!" party.  :)

[AimeeM]

I haven't told Tony yet :leaving:

I wanted to speak to the Headmaster first, to make sure it wasn't just an oversight.

[AimeeM]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Wish we lived closer....we could have a "Toss this school out the window, I will not be beaten down by these idiots, this next school year is gonna rock!" party.   :)

 

Oh I wish I lived closer to you too! We need that kind of party :P

[AimeeM]

Just to make sure I'm reading correctly, and not taking things out of context, this is the e-mail sent to me this morning from the Admin:

 

Hi Aimee,

 

Yes, she did receive a hearing test and I take full responsibility for allowing her to participate in this brief evaluation. I was only thinking of Autumn. I thought you would want her to take advantage of the testing like all of the other students. I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries. I didn't see any harm in the evaluations, actually the results may be of importance.

 

Fondly,

A****

 

 

 

[Aiden]

Just to make sure I'm reading correctly, and not taking things out of context, this is the e-mail sent to me this morning from the Admin:

 

Hi Aimee,

 

Yes, she did receive a hearing test and I take full responsibility for allowing her to participate in this brief evaluation. I was only thinking of Autumn. I thought you would want her to take advantage of the testing like all of the other students. I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries. I didn't see any harm in the evaluations, actually the results may be of importance.

 

Fondly,

A****

 

That sounds like the response I'd expect if my child had said she'd forgotten to show me the note or something, like it was a real possibility that my lack of signing the form was an oversight rather than a deliberate decision. I'd still be ticked, but I'd show some grace if this weren't part of a continuing pattern, like previous comments seem to indicate that it is.

 

Maybe ask your daughter if she said or did anything that could have been misconstrued as "Mom and Dad didn't have the chance to make a decision on this," just for your own peace of mind, since you've said that you like this woman in general? And however you decide to respond to the situation as a whole, I suggest you push for permission forms to have boxes to check ("Yes, I give permission"/"No, I don't give permission") so that there is never any misunderstanding about whether the parent chose No or didn't have the chance to make a decision. (But I'd also keep pointing it out that the professional, ethical thing to do is assume lack of consent in the absence of proof otherwise, rather than the opposite, which is what A did here.)

[iona]

Just to make sure I'm reading correctly, and not taking things out of context, this is the e-mail sent to me this morning from the Admin:

 

Hi Aimee,

 

Yes, she did receive a hearing test and I take full responsibility for allowing her to participate in this brief evaluation. I was only thinking of Autumn. I thought you would want her to take advantage of the testing like all of the other students. I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries. I didn't see any harm in the evaluations, actually the results may be of importance.

 

Fondly,

A****

So did they think you didn't realize your dd was missing out(you forgot to sign or send in slip), Or did they know you didn't want her evaluated and intentionally overrided anyway?

 

Sounds like a heated situation to begin with, but it makes a difference if it was a misunderstanding or intentionally going against your will.

[OneStepAtATime]

Aimee, given the school's track record, it really does sound like she genuinely believed that she knows better than you what is best for your daughter and chose to ignore your lack of permission.  And somewhat patronizingly is implying that if you were a really good parent you would be grateful for the fact that she chose to administer the tests anyway.  However nicely worded that note, it is arrogant and patronizing when you dig through and really read what she is saying.  

[MFG]

Just to make sure I'm reading correctly, and not taking things out of context, this is the e-mail sent to me this morning from the Admin:

 

Hi Aimee,

 

Yes, she did receive a hearing test and I take full responsibility for allowing her to participate in this brief evaluation. I was only thinking of Autumn. I thought you would want her to take advantage of the testing like all of the other students. I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries. I didn't see any harm in the evaluations, actually the results may be of importance.

 

Fondly,

A****

  

Aimee, given the school's track record, it really does sound like she genuinely believed that she knows better than you what is best for your daughter and chose to ignore your lack of permission.  And somewhat patronizingly is implying that if you were a really good parent you would be grateful for the fact that she chose to administer the tests anyway.  However nicely worded that note, it is arrogant and patronizing when you dig through and really read what she is saying.

 

I call BS. Total CYA.

[AimeeM]

That sounds like the response I'd expect if my child had said she'd forgotten to show me the note or something, like it was a real possibility that my lack of signing the form was an oversight rather than a deliberate decision. I'd still be ticked, but I'd show some grace if this weren't part of a continuing pattern, like previous comments seem to indicate that it is.

 

Maybe ask your daughter if she said or did anything that could have been misconstrued as "Mom and Dad didn't have the chance to make a decision on this," just for your own peace of mind, since you've said that you like this woman in general? And however you decide to respond to the situation as a whole, I suggest you push for permission forms to have boxes to check ("Yes, I give permission"/"No, I don't give permission") so that there is never any misunderstanding about whether the parent chose No or didn't have the chance to make a decision. (But I'd also keep pointing it out that the professional, ethical thing to do is assume lack of consent in the absence of proof otherwise, rather than the opposite, which is what A did here.)

 

Well, DD didn't even know that the evals were taking place. The slips weren't sent home with the children - we were told that we had to send a note to the admin for the eval to take place. Which I didn't do.

 

[AimeeM]

So did they think you didn't realize your dd was missing out(you forgot to sign or send in slip), Or did they know you didn't want her evaluated and intentionally overrided anyway?

 

Sounds like a heated situation to begin with, but it makes a difference if it was a misunderstanding or intentionally going against your will.

 

No, if she believed I had forgotten, she would have sent an e-mail asking (as she's done in the past).

I'm the one that reminded them that they should have signed forms for taking the children out of state during the end of year trip - the didn't have anything for us to sign regarding that even.

They knew that I didn't send in an e-mail/note giving permission. There was no slip - we were supposed to send a note or e-mail giving permission.

[OneStepAtATime]

Sorry for the side step and I apologize for my ignorance but what is CYA?  :)

[MFG]

Sorry for the side step and I apologize for my ignorance but what is CYA? :)

Cover your @ss

ETA: I am agreeing with you, OneStepAtATime. The school is giving Aimee a song and dance.

[Hunter's Moon]

Sorry for the side step and I apologize for my ignorance but what is CYA? :)

ETA: I see this was already answered above.

[OneStepAtATime]

Cover your @ss

Thanks.  :)

[Guest submarines]

It *is* a big deal. Gently: why are you still allowing these people to overstep in your DD's life and education? It became clear that this would only get worse since the post you made about her "unexcused" absences.

[Carol in Cal.]

This is an incompetent organization. 

 

That has been clear for a long time.

 

They can't change.  They simply don't have the skill set.

 

Trying to make them be competent is like trying to push a wet noodle.  It bends but it doesn't progress.

 

You can't fix stupid.

[AimeeM]

It *is* a big deal. Gently: why are you still allowing these people to overstep in your DD's life and education? It became clear that this would only get worse since the post you made about her "unexcused" absences.

 

We aren't, really. DD begged to stay through the end of the year, even after we found out that we can have the psych ed eval done elsewhere, to participate in the end of year activities and spend a bit more time with the few really great teachers she has. It's important to her. She's made some strong connections to two teachers in particular.

[MicheleinMN]

 We did not submit permission for DD to participate.

 

So, she DECIDED to disregard policy and go behind our backs to have this done.

 

I know some people are going to say it isn't a big deal - that hey, she got a free eval out of it, but that really isn't the point. They knew we didn't give our permission, and they did it anyway.

 

I'm livid. I'm probably overreacting, but I'm beyond livid.

 

Nope, not over-reacting in my book.  I would be very tempted to create a huge stink and see what an attorney has to say about it.  BUT I am rather picky in that way.

[Word Nerd]

I bet you're counting the days! I'd want to make a formal complaint, but given all you've shared about this poorly run school and how inept its administrators are, I'm not sure what good it would do. Who's in charge of the ones in charge?

[AimeeM]

I bet you're counting the days! I'd want to make a formal complaint, but given all you've shared about this poorly run school and how inept its administrators are, I'm not sure what good it would do. Who's in charge of the ones in charge?

 

I don't know that there's anyone really in charge of the Headmaster, to be frank. I mean, there's a board, but the school was founded by the headmaster, and is largely funded by him, I believe; the board is made up of his friends and employees.

[AimeeM]

Nope, not over-reacting in my book.  I would be very tempted to create a huge stink and see what an attorney has to say about it.  BUT I am rather picky in that way.

 

But would it just be a waste of money (attorney)?

[SproutMamaK]

 Wow, that email is so blatantly insulting that I'm not even sure it qualifies as passive aggresive, it's almost flat out aggresive.

Just to make sure I'm reading correctly, and not taking things out of context, this is the e-mail sent to me this morning from the Admin:

 

Hi Aimee,

 

Yes, she did receive a hearing test and I take full responsibility for allowing her to participate in this brief evaluation. I was only thinking of Autumn. I thought you would want her to take advantage of the testing like all of the other students. I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries. I didn't see any harm in the evaluations, actually the results may be of importance.

 

Fondly,

A****

 

"I was only thinking of Autumn" As opposed to you, who WEREN'T thinking about your daughter?
"I thought you would want to advantage of the testing like all of the other students." Everyone else was okay with it, why aren't you? I knew you didn't give permission, so I substitued what I thought you should do instead.
"I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries." Since when is a genuine apology surrounded by a paragraph of justifications and precluded by an "if"?
"I don't see the harm in the evaluations, actually the results may be of importance." I decided this was important so I didn't need to respect the authority of the parents.

 

That email would make me MORE livid, not less, and I would respond letting her know exactly how out of line her actions, and the "you're a bad parent" implications she makes in that email are.

[prairiewindmomma]

Keep a thick file detailing the issues you have had.

Hold onto it for a while.

I suspect you will be asked by other parents in the future about things going on at the school.

This way you have some sort of recollection noted close to the time of events happening and some paper documentation.

 

At least you are leaving school knowing that you are absolutely doing the right thing!

[Kathryn]

 Wow, that email is so blatantly insulting that I'm not even sure it qualifies as passive aggresive, it's almost flat out aggresive.

 

"I was only thinking of Autumn" As opposed to you, who WEREN'T thinking about your daughter?

"I thought you would want to advantage of the testing like all of the other students." Everyone else was okay with it, why aren't you? I knew you didn't give permission, so I substitued what I thought you should do instead.

"I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries." Since when is a genuine apology surrounded by a paragraph of justifications and precluded by an "if"?

"I don't see the harm in the evaluations, actually the results may be of importance." I decided this was important so I didn't need to respect the authority of the parents.

 

That email would make me MORE livid, not less, and I would respond letting her know exactly how out of line her actions, and the "you're a bad parent" implications she makes in that email are.

 

Yep. It's full of justifications for her behavior. It is not an apology. It's an attempt to make you feel bad for not doing what she felt was best for your daughter.

[Butter]

This is why opt in *or* out forms are best.  She sounds like she's basically saying you "forgot" to send in the permission form so had her have the test  That's not okay.  FWIW, though, my kids had hearing and vision screenings at school.  We were never asked at all.  It's just something they automatically do and it never occurred to me to have a problem with it.

 

Four more days.  Just four more days.

[elegantlion]

Um, I would be livid. I would consider contacting an attorney, I agree they are acting like they know what is better for your child, your permission be damned. 

 

I would also make sure I left negative reviews everywhere possible on the Internet. 

 

I'd probably be livid enough to accompany my child to school for the last few days to insure they don't pull any other crap. 

[MicheleinMN]

But would it just be a waste of money (attorney)?

 

That I don't know, but as they have overstepped their bounds again and again and in doing so have violated both your daughter's and your rights as a parent, I would be sorely tempted to see if an attorney would give you a free consultation about the situation.

 

But again, I am one to get my knickers in a twist over things like this, so YMMV.

[Excelsior! Academy]

We had something similar happen to my dd.  It definitely sped our decision to hs.

[Saddlemomma]

If this was me, I would withdraw her immediately. After everything else that has gone on and considering how little you feel she has learned this year, just be done and get her out.

[Belacqua]

I have to admit that I like this woman in general. With that said, more infuriating was the Headmaster's "meh - take it and be grateful" attitude.

 

That's what would send me around the bend. The admin was wholly out of line, and her email was an aggressive, faultfinding non-apology. But the hand-waving attitude of the headmaster is what really makes me furious for you. He practically patted you on the head and told you not to worry about it as they know what's best for your daughter, so why don't you just stay out of it and go make cookies for the bake sale, that's a good girl.

 

I suspect you're right to just leave quietly, as tempting a making a big fuss must be. But is there something like Yelp or Angie's List for private schools? Is there anywhere you could let people know just how messed up this place is?

 

Grrr. I'm just fuming for you. What a condescending jerk.