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struggling a little today


bettyandbob
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It's Mother's Day. I live less than a mile from my parents. I'm not close with my mom, but I do love her and until a few months ago talked to her or saw her regularly (every week or so). I haven't had contact since the beginning of January because of the actions of my father. I do not wish to have interaction with my father. I have many bad feelings about decisions made while I was growing up, but my father had a great relationship with ds until Jan 2013 when my dad did something completely awful destroying the relationship totally. All that came up again a year later and I decided I can't interact with my father--my loyalty has to be with ds. 

 

On mom's birthday I called. I called again over the next few days. I found out later that mom and dad had traveled over her birthday. Anyway, the only birthday interaction I had was messages left on her machine. I didn't get around to calling her to invite her to a performance dd was in before her birthday. 

 

So, today is Mother's Day. I haven't even bought a card. I don't want to see her because I don't want to interact with dad at all. dd has a show at her high school this week and her ballet school has performances in three weeks. I know mom would like to go to those. 

 

And so I'm stressed, because I feel I must do SOMETHING, but doing something makes me very anxious. 

 

And I'm sad. 

 

 

 

 

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Hugs.

 

I'm with you. My mom is sick and in a nursing home. She doesn't know who I am anymore. She likely never will.

 

I don't want to dampen anyone else's blessing this day - but I want to let you know you're not alone. Sometimes these Hallmark holidays are really hard.

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What about having your DH drop off some flowers and a card? I'm assuming your mom knows how you feel about your dad so maybe that woudn't be weird? Since you tried calling for her birthday, why don't you call her today? Tell her about the performances. If your dad answers and won't give the phone to your mom, hang up?

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Is there any way that you and your mom could meet somewhere for lunch or just to talk? You should be allowed to have time with just her. Especially on Mother's Day. And I agree that you should tell her about the performances. Don't let your father's behavior ruin it for you and your mom. Hugs!

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((((((((Betty)))))))))

 

I went no-contact with my parents exactly how you describe. My dad was also very close w/ my sons and acted completely over the top one day w/ one of my sons -- which terrified my boy. Of course my loyalties are with my son.

 

My dad had done some minor things over the years, but I let it slide -- and finally it got so bad that I just couldn't let it slide. My son has said, "I might go to grandpa's funeral, but I'll wear a clown suit."

 

That's how mad my son is.

 

My mother -- when all is said and done -- supports my dad. She's a classic enabler. She didn't protect me from him and I've realized that I can't let her off the hook anymore either. The more I looked at the situation she was very abusive, but she looked so much better than him that I couldn't see it.

 

We moved 3,000 miles away. Just my .02, but I think being so near to your parents in proximity isn't good for any of you.

 

The sadness -- in my case -- finally waned and I am now irritated when I think about how I was treated. But I will admit that I get sad around Thanksgiving and Christmas.

 

I'm sad for you. I mean this seriously: do something incredibly nice for yourself today. Maybe a pedicure, coffee at Barnes & Noble and a good book etc. It's not okay that your mom isn't contacting you at all. Is it? (Generally speaking, a dad like yours wants you to feel sad and guilty. And, remember, your mom is supporting him emotionally. When those feelings hit me like a brick, I go buy a new dress or something.)

 

Please take care of yourself. And Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

 

Take care and :grouphug: ,

 

Alley   (p.s. if this feels really hard, it's because it is. But your son needs you on his side. Period.)

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Hugs.

 

I'm with you. My mom is sick and in a nursing home. She doesn't know who I am anymore. She likely never will.

 

I don't want to dampen anyone else's blessing this day - but I want to let you know you're not alone. Sometimes these Hallmark holidays are really hard.

 

I agree! 

 

 

Hugs betty. :grouphug:

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I always struggled with Mother's Day when mine was alive.  She battled addiction and mental illness the entire time I knew her.  She had an ugly, violent streak.

 

And I still always sent her a Mother's Day card, because if nothing else she brought me into the world.  Thankfully there are some cards that don't sugar-coat the relationship.  So I picked those.

 

Every year when I sit in church on Mother's Day, it is painful for me.  The flowery words of all that mothers are and do barely apply to the years I spent with mine.  I honestly have very few happy memories.  If my father hadn't done his best to hold the family together, I don't know what would have happened to me physically and emotionally.  Bluntly, I really don't miss her.

 

Sometimes though the negative examples affect us more deeply than the positive ones, and I guess that's the case for me.  I had a lot of motivation to NOT be a mother like her.

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I called. I invited her to see dd's dance performance next week. It was OK. 

 

I wish I had wanted to walk over their and just spend the afternoon at her house. There have been a few holidays over the years where I or I and some of my dc did this. 

 

Thanks everyone for the kind words of support. 

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I am very sorry you are going through this.

 

Your mother chose to not tell you that she was traveling. She did not seem to care if you called that way. And whatever your father did to your son, your mother clearly chose him over her grandson. Your mother does not seem to be reaching out to you.

 

It is very very hard to walk away from toxic relationships. We have had to do it ourselves. But it sounds like you really need to. This day will be over soon. (((hugs)))

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