My Mother's Day Plans

[G5052]

DH has decided to take his car in for service that day and will stay with it.  He forgot last year too, so I'm just moving on.

 

I decided to take the teens out for pizza and will buy a Boston creme pie for afterwards. 

 

After all, what mother doesn't want to celebrate with her children?

[Spryte]

Why not mention to him that since it's Mother's Day, you'd like to X,Y,Z?  

 

I come from a family of people who forget birthdays, and we simply don't let each other forget.  That may not be your family culture, but it sure is nice that none of us have to deal with the disappointment of someone forgetting, or the guilt that our loved ones feel when they realize they've forgotten!

 

However you handle it, I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day, and feel loved.

[Gil]

Uh, do you want to do something for Mothers Day? If so, tell him outright. "Hey, can we have a Mothers day Brunch as a family before you take the car in?" Or tell him "I know we're all busy on the actual date, but do you think we could do something special for mothers day next week?"

[JustEm]

My dh has this problem with hyping special occasions up like mothers day and birthdays and then forgetting the day of. The last time he did it was last mother's day, a day I wouldn't care about if not for his previous insistence that we do something for me on that day. After me chewing him out last year for hyping it up and then disappointing me so much by doing nothing he's likely never to forget again. Or at least not hype it up and then forget.

 

I suggest you mention it to him. Don't mention that your disappointed that he forgot but simply mention you would like to do X on that day since its mother's day.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Honestly, don't let it bother you.  Go spend the day with your kids.  Do something you all enjoy and make it special.  Dh loses out.  And if he never remembers these things plan something yourself!

 

Last year dh took me to a friend's house of his from work.  It was in the middle of nowhere.  I had never met them.  Or their kids.  The plan was the men would cut down trees so they could shoot guns since he has a bank to shoot in to.  Apparently I was going to hang with his wife.  And kids with the kids.  And all we had to do was sit back.  Lunch would be on the grill.  I wasn't thrilled with this plan but I went.  And how I wish I had protested before!  We hadn't eaten thinking lunch was when we got there and grilled.  Nope, the wife wanted to drink and hang out. Men are in the woods.  Kids running around wild in the country.  She and I couldn't have been more opposite.  It was painful to try and talk to each other.  I drank 1 beer to her 6.  After I had 3 I was in dire need of food.  Nope, that was later.  My kids were starving.  I was starving.  And miserable trying to make small talk with a woman who also had no interest in hanging out with me.  The day sucked.  

 

And dh will say it was the best day ever....how nice of him to plan something ;-)  Seriously, plan your own day.  

 

 

[Rachel]

Definitely say something to him. Mother's Day is a tough day for me for a couple reasons so my husband never knows whether to ignore the day or go all out. After a couple years of tears he explained that he isn't a mind reader so he needs me to tell him directly how to celebrate or not celebrate Mother's Day, subtle hints don't work with him

 

I told him this year that I wanted to skip church and go hiking, so that's what we are going to do.

[Myeightkiddies]

Mother's Day here will be about the same as it always has been.  People will wish me Happy Mother's Day.  One of my girls will make me a dessert (that tradition started last year; it's sweet).  That's about it.  My birthday is May 2, so Mother's Day gets tacked on to it.  My birthday gift always comes with a "this can be your Mother's Day gift too" tag.  Great.   :glare:   

 

However, two young men from my daughter's church are coming over on Saturday for a couple of hours to do yard work for me, out of the kindness of their hearts.  I plan to make them lunch and dessert.  That'll be a nice Mother's Day gift - from young men who aren't my children.   :lol:

[plumshadow]

DH is away at school for the Army so it will be just me and the kids (yet again). The school is close to his mother so she will have an awesome day.

[kewb]

I tell dh what I want to do for mother's day.  It took me 15 years of marriage before I got that he is not a mind reader and if I don't want to be disappointed I need to guide him.  It took a number of years but my mothers day is exactly what I want.  I go to the garden store, I spend the morning planting and puttering.  Then we have a nice lunch at home.  Then we we sit around and talk and maybe play a game.  Then we watch a movie together and relax.

 

Prior to my taking control I was often disappointed on mother's day.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I think if he forgot, it is passive aggressive to not bring it up and begrudgingly/spitefully make plans. Just so you can do a "gotcha" later?

 

I have never understood how people forget a holiday that is important to someone close to them, because presumably the someone would be talking about what they might like to do on that day instead of knowingly watching the day draw closer on the calendar while silently growing increasingly resentful that it is not being mentioned and planned for...

 

On the other hand, if he knew and just didn't care, that would be a whole 'nother ball of wax, but in your shoes I would still state my feelings and wishes about how I want the day to go. If I had teens and DH didn't help them arrange anything for Mother's Day, I would let my teens know the day was important to me and make plans with them (or ask them to make plans within a budget if I liked surprises, which I do not, LOL).

 

I do like to spend the day with my kids on Mother's Day though. They are extra nice to me that day. LOL

[solascriptura]

I know how you feel. I want the other person to want to do something to show love out of their own hearts. You don't want to tell them what you want them to do! If you do, it doesn't seem like they wanted to do anything out of their own hearts.

[Loowit]

My dad was always bad about forgetting dates that were important to my mom.  I can't remember him ever doing much for birthdays, anniversaries, mother's day, etc.  I know it hurt my mom's feelings, but eventually she just started making plans and telling dad about them.  I think it still bothers her that he doesn't remember on his own very often, but she doesn't hold it against him.

 

I have always been proactive.  I start talking about what I would like to do for mother's day weeks ahead.  Now we have traditions and DH is pretty much on board.  I also know to put stuff on his calendar so he doesn't schedule other things on special days.

[solascriptura]

My dad was always bad about forgetting dates that were important to my mom. I can't remember him ever doing much for birthdays, anniversaries, mother's day, etc. I know it hurt my mom's feelings, but eventually she just started making plans and telling dad about them. I think it still bothers her that he doesn't remember on his own very often, but she doesn't hold it against him.

 

I have always been proactive. I start talking about what I would like to do for mother's day weeks ahead. Now we have traditions and DH is pretty much on board. I also know to put stuff on his calendar so he doesn't schedule other things on special days.

My DH says that he doesn't buy into the commercialism of pretty much every holiday! Well, now I just roll my eyes and tell him that I want to go out for dinner. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I make sure that dd12 knows what I want.  She will make sure that dh doesn't forget and that I am properly feted.  

[mom2bee]

If you are upset about it, then I vote that you say something. Don't be passive-aggressive about it, just be honest. I don't think that needing to remind someone means that they don't love/consider/value you enough. I think it means they need a reminder, for whatever reason. I for one always forget my moms birthday--well not forget, I just have the date wrong! I know its a multiple of 8 but I can never remember which one! Honestly I only remember my sisters birthdays--because they are inherently memorable--my parents, brothers cousins and friends--just flip a coin on whether or not I will remember.

 

Does he have email? A smart phone?  I would just program reminders and countdowns into his electronic gadgets. I would talk about it at the dinner table and let them know you want to do something as a family, I would solicit ideas for Mothers Day leading up to the actual day, starting a month in advance if need be. I would mention to Husband Deary that I am thinking of giving the kids the Monday off in recognition of mothers day. I would send Hubby to the neighborhood pharmacy or store (which should be TEEMING with mothers day decorations, cards, reminders, etc.)

 

 

 

 

[heartosunshine]

Can you say, "How about taking the car in some other time because I'd really like to spend the day with you and the kids?" It's possible he doesn't realize how important it is to you.

 

I start talking about Mother's Day plans a couple weeks in advance so there's no chance of forgetting around here. My Dh is disappointed that he has to work that day but I told him he could buy expensive gifts to make up for the guilt he feels! :D

[plansrme]

I see "teen kids" in this post and think, "Bingo!" You are not his mother, after all. They are teens? You owe it to them to instruct them on the proper way to observe Mother's Day. And you get to define "proper." Thank goodness my teen girls are better at shopping, cooking and planning than their father is. Heck, my 10 yo boy is better at shopping than my husband. Training them to be good holiday-observers has been win-win for everyone in our family.

[Wheres Toto]

Mother's Day usually ends up being more about my mother since she lives close but she's down in Florida.  MIL is almost 3 hours away and dh didn't make any plans to go down since we are camping near there for Memorial Day.

 

Oldest dd is at school and has to work.  I think the nanny may be having the younger kids make something for me.

 

Dh bought flowers for some of the pots on our deck and some seedling veggies for the garden since we were getting a very late start this year.  That was my Mother's Day gift.  We talked yesterday and he mentioned making steak on the grill and twice-baked potatoes for dinner and maybe dd would come home (her favorites).  Then I pointed out that that wasn't MY favorite meal and told him what I wanted - steamed clams, grilled shrimp, asparagus with mozzarella wrapped in prosciutto (seriously yummy), so I think that's what he's making.   :hurray:  

 

ETA:  I do have to admit my first preference for Mother's Day was for dh to take the kids to his mothers house and give me a weekend alone.  It's been too long since I had a quiet weekend.  It just didn't work out.

[mathmarm]

Its Mothers Day. Remind your Husband to contact his mom and tell him you look forward to your mothers day surprise.

[Rivka]

For the past couple of years, I've finally gotten up the courage to be explicit about what I really want for Mother's Day: I want the afternoon off. I want my husband to take the kids somewhere and leave me home, or I want to go somewhere and leave them all home. The kids fuss over me first thing in the morning and usually give me cards or drawings or something, and then later on I get a few hours of peaceful relaxation. Perfect.

 

This year I don't know what's going to happen. I'm only just recovered from my surgery, so my husband has been doing tons and tons of extra household duty. I don't really have the chutzpah to ask him to do even yet still more of it on Sunday.

[Pam in CT]

:grouphug: .  You deserve to be recognized!

 

And... 

 

... he's taking the car in!!   :hurray:   What a good guy!

 

 

 

I tell dh what I want to do for mother's day.  It took me 15 years of marriage before I got that he is not a mind reader and if I don't want to be disappointed I need to guide him.  It took a number of years but my mothers day is exactly what I want.  I go to the garden store, I spend the morning planting and puttering.  Then we have a nice lunch at home.  Then we we sit around and talk and maybe play a game.  Then we watch a movie together and relax.

 

Prior to my taking control I was often disappointed on mother's day.

 

  Turns out my husband can't read minds either.  

 

My ideal day, which I finally worked up to after ~15 years myself, is: one of the kids brings me coffee in bed.  I stay there as long as I want, reading.  By the time I get up, my husband and they have already gone to the nursery, where I have identified (and left specific instructions with the nursery) the shrub or small tree I want.  I get up and point to where I want the hole.  My husband digs me a nice hole, and I go from there, spending the rest of the day puttering.

Personally I don't like to go out on MD because the restaurants are so crowded, but they take care of dinner.  I don't care what they make, as long as I don't have to deal with it.

 

It took very direct instruction on my part, to get us there.

 

 

 

(and I'm also flexible: this year we have an unavoidable family obligation, unrelated to MD, that is falling on Sunday... so my MD will be next weekend.)

 

 

 

For the past couple of years, I've finally gotten up the courage to be explicit about what I really want for Mother's Day: I want the afternoon off. I want my husband to take the kids somewhere and leave me home, or I want to go somewhere and leave them all home. The kids fuss over me first thing in the morning and usually give me cards or drawings or something, and then later on I get a few hours of peaceful relaxation. Perfect.

 

 

Right.  When the kids were younger, all I wanted was to be.left.alone. 

 

 

Whatever your idea of a good day is... just tell him!  

[shawthorne44]

I would reschedule Mother's Day for the following weekend.  And suggest some things you'd like.  

I like going to a brunch, but there is so many people on that day that it isn't as much fun.  So, rescheduling it regardless is a good thing I think.  

[Anne]

My dh forgets his twin brother's birthday - seriously!  :lol:

 

Obviously, I'm another one in the "tell him what you want" camp!

 

Anne

[G5052]

Thanks all.  There's some significant medical issues involved, so I'm just going to go with the flow and have my time with the kids.

 

He really is a good guy at heart, just not able to process details and remember things very well.  It wasn't always this way.

[MrsBasil]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

My mother is a borderline personality--- Mother's Day has always made me anxious-- I never know what she will do.

I spent the entire day with her last year (and had a GREAT time) but my children were sort of upset.  So I will ignore my mother (she'll get a card and a call) but I will spend the day with out her.  I consider it a good day if no one is mad at me.

[Jenny in Florida]

I told my family what I wanted today. We had a chance to get $10 tickets to the opera for today through the parent of one of my son's choir-mates. I said it would be my Mother's Day present, that the kids would go with me to the opera. 

 

However, my daughter has to work until 4:00, and the matinee starts at 2:00.

 

So, one down.

 

I forged ahead. Normally, I would be the one picking up my daughter from work on the weekends. (My husband takes her to work during the week.) But, I asked my husband if he would mind collecting her today so that my son and I could go to the opera. He agreed. Yay.

 

And then my son got sick. He's been coughing for a couple of days, but it seemed like he was on the mend. Then, today, he woke up feeling much worse and is running a pretty significant fever.

 

I can't take my husband to the opera with me, because one of us has to pick up our daughter. I don't want to go alone, because we are supposed to sit in the section with all of the other choir families. And I really wanted to go with my kids.

 

So, I let the folks coordinating the tickets that we can't make it, and I'm siting here watching Netflix by myself while my husband and son watch bad action movies in the living room.

 

Normally, it wouldn't bug me. I'm not big on Mother's Day, However, this is the last one I'll have with both kids living at home, and I would have liked it to be nice.