Very large neighbor child and our swing set

[Aspasia]

Our swing set has a weight limit of 120 lbs per child. We have a little neighbor girl, who is only 8, who far exceeds that weight. I really worry, because when she's swinging, there is a definite creak that doesn't happen with the other kids. The whole set moves, and it's fairly large and sturdy. I also worry about the tube slide and various other components. How do I handle this???

 

(I'm beginning to feel like this swing set is more trouble than it's worth.)

[katilac]

I think you would have to talk to her parents, saying that you don't want to embarrass her but you also don't want her to get hurt. 

[Aspasia]

I think you would have to talk to her parents, saying that you don't want to embarrass her but you also don't want her to get hurt.

That's a good angle. The only problem is, I don't really know her parents. They haven't lived in the neighborhood very long. From what I've heard (and observed), they aren't very involved in what their kids are doing. I worry about offending them. How does that come off when the neighbor lady comes and tells you your little girl is too overweight to play on the playset with all the other kids?

[bettyandbob]

yeah. you have to tell the parents. You can't let her on the swing set. She exceeds weight limits. If she gets hurt on your property you are liable. If she breaks the swing set, I doubt her parents are going to buy you a new one. 

 

It's too bad because swings are fun. 

[unsinkable]

It sounds like a very low limit (per child limit) to me.

 

And swing sets do groan and creak, even with skinny kids on them.

[Starr]

There is the weight per child but what is the total weight allowance?  I've often seen adults sitting on child swings.

[Paige]

Are you sure she weighs far more than 120? That seems pretty high for an 8yr old. Maybe you could say something to the parents and let them deal with it.

[snickerplum]

We have an overweight neighbor boy who broke our rope ladder. He's 7 but could easily be taken for an 11 or 12 year old. I have no advice, but I totally feel your pain.

[katilac]

Are you sure she weighs far more than 120? That seems pretty high for an 8yr old. Maybe you could say something to the parents and let them deal with it.

 

It's definitely possible. We have a neighbor girl who was over 100 pounds for sure when she moved in at 5. I don't doubt she was 120 at 8 (she was big, but also quite tall for her age). 

 

I don't know what to tell you, OP.  I hate that kind of stuff!

[mom2bee]

Wow, this is tricky. I definitely think that the OP could be correct about the kids weight age/weight...I remember I was at my uncles wedding and I told my younger cousin she could sit my lap because there wasn't another chair at our table. She was 8 and she was so embarrassed and nervous, she kept telling me that she was too fat and I told her she wasn't and that I didn't mind. She told me she was 120lbs, I let her sit with me anyway but I was so mad with her mom for feeding her that way and letting her daughters confidence plummet.

 

I was in my teens and 140lbs and yeah, that kid was definitely 120ish lbs.

[Ottakee]

Sadly many swing sets are rated for 100-120 pounds which is why we bought the commercial grade kit where each thing is rated for 500 pounds.  A bit overkill but we had an 11 year old 210 pound foster child before and it was nice not to have to worry about the weight limits.

[umsami]

 I let her sit with me anyway but I was so mad with her mom for feeding her that way and letting her daughters confidence plummet.

 

 

 

As the mother of four kids, all of whom fall in different weight ranges, yet eat the same food and have the same activity level, don't assume that the parent was necessarily over feeding her daughter.  My eldest has always been in the 95th percentile + for weight.  Even when he was an exclusively breastfed infant.   His youngest sister, has been in the 5th percentile ever since she weaned.  Our other two kids are exactly at the 50th percentile.  They all eat the same food.  They all have the same access.  Their bodies just metabolize food differently.  New research suggests that eldest's micro biome may have been messed up by the antibiotics I was given during birth as I was running a fever.  Is that true? No idea.  But I can tell you that they all eat the same food… we don't eat out as a family more than once per week…..I cook/bake nearly everything from scratch….and they are all outside active for more than 1-1/2 hours per day.  

 

My largest child, BTW, is also my healthiest eater.  He loves fruits and veggies.  He chooses milk or water as a drink.  Yet, he's still much larger.

 

As to the OP, I would talk to the Mom.

[SKL]

I agree that 120 seems like a very low weight limit.

 

Is the little girl tall as well?  Maybe you could tell her it's a height limit, or since your kids are all younger than 8, maybe you could say it's only for kids 7yo and under?

 

Or you could tell your kids not to play on the swingset when she is over.  It's really not nice for them to play on it if she isn't allowed.  Tell them you need to do some maintenance on it or something.

[MomtoCandJ]

Oh my... That is tricky, dd1 has a friend who is on the large side (weighs more then dh or I but we are rather small), we have to becareful about what he's on as well since we buy things mainly to fit us. Oh and for reference dh weighs about 150 and I weigh 118

[Butter]

120 doesn't seem low for a young child's swingset.  My kids are all pretty average weight for their ages and none of them (5, 7, 12, and 14) come near 120 pounds.  Some kids are bigger, but for a cheaper set they are going to go with lower.  You have to talk to the parents.  The weight limit is for a reason.  It could break and she could get hurt.  She can't swing on it safely.  Sad, but true.

[kathkath]

Why not add supports? Your kids are only getting bigger too. We are in the process of doing something similar to ours. You can order hardware online and wood at Home Depot. We would rather be the destination on our street so we have more control.

[clarkacademy]

I am really sorry you are in this situation.

[SKL]

The reason I think 120 is low is because kids like to double-swing or swing on an adult's lap etc., and it is not at all unusual for a teen or adult to swing along with the kids.

 

Anyhoo, if it is designed for very little kids that might make it easier to say "this is only for kid up to age 7" and suggest something else that the kids can do together.

[LucyStoner]

Why not add supports? Your kids are only getting bigger too. We are in the process of doing something similar to ours. You can order hardware online and wood at Home Depot. We would rather be the destination on our street so we have more control.

Heck, I'd be adding supports to increase the weight limit so mom and dad could use the play set too.

 

I would be loathe to raise the issue with her parents for fear she would feel like she wasn't welcome back.

[unsinkable]

The reason I think 120 is low is because kids like to double-swing or swing on an adult's lap etc., and it is not at all unusual for a teen or adult to swing along with the kids.

 

Anyhoo, if it is designed for very little kids that might make it easier to say "this is only for kid up to age 7" and suggest something else that the kids can do together.

Do you mean the manufacturer uses a lower number because they assume two kids or a kid and a parent would sit together on one swing?

[Spryte]

Reinforcing it sounds like a good plan.

 

I'm sorry for all the anxiety this has caused. Who could have predicted all the issues here?

 

All the play set posts lately have convinced me not to buy a backyard play set, yikes.

[SKL]

Do you mean the manufacturer uses a lower number because they assume two kids or a kid and a parent would sit together on one swing?

 

That wasn't what I meant, but it might be true.  They are always extra careful when they state limits like that.

 

What I meant was that if I were designing a swingset, I'd set the limits based on what happens in real life, which includes double swinging etc.

 

I can imagine some preschool-y sets that are clearly not meant to accommodate bigger people, but I would think if an adult (or tween/teen) body could fit on a swing, it should probably accommodate more than 120 pounds.

 

[NorthwestMom]

Yes, to be completely honest I would be looking for a swing set with a higher weight limit. I COMPLETELY understand that isn't financially possible for some people, but that is what I would do. That way, your kids can include even more friends, instead of progressively needing to exclude them as their weights climb. Additionally, this does allow adults to play, and there are plenty of us who would jump on a swing next to our child without realizing how low the weight limits are.

 

And if that doesn't work, honestly, I would remove it so that I don't have a big piece of equipment that brings weight shame on a little kid. I just could not have that conversation with the child or her parents.

[katilac]

Super sturdy sets with much higher weight limits are correspondingly more expensive. Not every family can afford to buy a swing set for the whole neighborhood, rather than one that suits their own kids. 

[unsinkable]

That wasn't what I meant, but it might be true. They are always extra careful when they state limits like that.

 

What I meant was that if I were designing a swingset, I'd set the limits based on what happens in real life, which includes double swinging etc.

 

I can imagine some preschool-y sets that are clearly not meant to accommodate bigger people, but I would think if an adult (or tween/teen) body could fit on a swing, it should probably accommodate more than 120 pounds.

 

Gotcha. I agree.

[zoobie]

The paranoid lawyer (who is not giving legal advice here!!!) in me says that once you KNOW there's a potential safety issue, you must act. If you let her swing knowing she exceeds the limit and she gets hurt, that's no longer an "accident."

[bettyandbob]

The paranoid lawyer (who is not giving legal advice here!!!) in me says that once you KNOW there's a potential safety issue, you must act. If you let her swing knowing she exceeds the limit and she gets hurt, that's no longer an "accident."

 

Yup. The parents will be upset/embarrassed/angry now, but if their child is hurt you will be responsible. You would be no matter what since the playset is yours and on your property, but you have the potential of more damages to be fined if it can be shown you knew.

 

[FaithManor]

I've noted before that the cheaper swing sets sold at our local Walmart have very low weight limits. They really are very chintzy and I'm sure the manufacturers set those limits that low because they've made a crappy set that can't handle much more than that...liability comes into play.

 

I'd be inclined to probably just look for other play for the kids when the neighbor is over if I couldn't afford a better quality swing set because that really is a low tolerance. Many teenage babysitters who would weigh 120 would go out and sit on a swing with a toddler on their lap...totally normal. So, the swing set itself just isn't particularly safe for multiple children to play on and well, I've seen some plastic swing seats that didn't look like they'd handle more than 40 lbs.! Kind of scary when you think about it.

 

It would be a difficult thing to bring up with people whom you don't already have a good relationship with, so redirect..."We aren't playing on the swing set today. We have some safety concerns." or you could say, "We only bought one that was safe for preschoolers. We can't let the older kids play on it because we are seeing signs of stress." Or "Today is jump rope day." Whatever works.

 

 

[Just Another Jen]

I would talk to the parents. Use a it's not you it's me approach. Just say that you've noticed that your playset has been moving and creaking. So from now on the kids have to do something else when they are all out there. Just say that you are worried about it falling over if they are all on it. That's true and trust me the parents know their kid is big and will appreciate your tact.

[mathnerd]

Yup. The parents will be upset/embarrassed/angry now, but if their child is hurt you will be responsible. You would be no matter what since the playset is yours and on your property, but you have the potential of more damages to be fined if it can be shown you knew.

 

:iagree: . OP, I feel sorry that you are in this position. I think that you should talk to the parents and the girl. You should explain that the weight limit is 120 lb and unfortunately, she cannot use the swing set because of safety issues and that you might have bought one with a higher weight limit had you known that she would be playing on it.

 

There is no need to worry about offending or embarrassing her or her parents - you are speaking the truth. They will hear it sooner or later from someone else. Don't take the risk of letting her use the swings even though you know it is unsafe - because, you may not be able to forgive yourself if something bad happened in your backyard to a child.

 

PS: My DH's nephew is obese and the whole family thinks that it is OK and that he will "outgrow" his obesity when he becomes an active young man (he is 24 now!). Nobody "talked" to him for fear of hurting his feelings. They always drove him everywhere and never let him use public transport. One day he was asked by an airline to buy double tickets on his first ever flight. So, he had to deal with the embarrassment anyway from a third party even though no one in his friend/family circle talked about it to him.

[TheBugs]

As the mother of four kids, all of whom fall in different weight ranges, yet eat the same food and have the same activity level, don't assume that the parent was necessarily over feeding her daughter.  My eldest has always been in the 95th percentile + for weight.  Even when he was an exclusively breastfed infant.   His youngest sister, has been in the 5th percentile ever since she weaned.  Our other two kids are exactly at the 50th percentile.  They all eat the same food.  They all have the same access.  Their bodies just metabolize food differently.  New research suggests that eldest's micro biome may have been messed up by the antibiotics I was given during birth as I was running a fever.  Is that true? No idea.  But I can tell you that they all eat the same food… we don't eat out as a family more than once per week…..I cook/bake nearly everything from scratch….and they are all outside active for more than 1-1/2 hours per day.  

 

My largest child, BTW, is also my healthiest eater.  He loves fruits and veggies.  He chooses milk or water as a drink.  Yet, he's still much larger.

 

As to the OP, I would talk to the Mom.

I have twins and there is a 30 pound weight difference. My skinny Minnie dd eats constantly and my ds is the child that prefers salad for breakfast. I really cant explain why he is so much heavier. Luckily he doesn't look "fat," just like a big kid.

 

But I would talk to the parents. I personally wouldn't be offended, unless they said something like stop feeding your kid soda and candy. I would be grateful you were concerned about her safety on the equippment. Because that is what it's about, nit the mothers parenting skills.

[mathnerd]

It would be a difficult thing to bring up with people whom you don't already have a good relationship with, so redirect..."We aren't playing on the swing set today. We have some safety concerns." or you could say, "We only bought one that was safe for preschoolers. We can't let the older kids play on it because we are seeing signs of stress." Or "Today is jump rope day." Whatever works.

 

The problem with this approach is that the parent has to be involved every time the other kid comes over to make sure she is not using the swing. And what if the OP needs to step inside for a short while or answer the phone or something and this kid gets on the swing and the whole thing crashes down at that time? I would personally worry about those scenarios a lot.

 

The more I think about this, the more I feel that the OP should ban all the neighbor kids from using the swings and tell all of them that it is no longer open for use. That way, she need not offend or hurt any particular child.

[zoobie]

Even if you talk to the parents, you have to keep her off the swing set while you are supervising. If you talk to them and she trespasses, that would be different, but you can't sit and watch based on her parents saying it was ok.

[marbel]

I would not tell the parents you would have bought a sturdier set if you'd known their overweight child would be playing on it. Your purchase has nothing to do with them.  If approaching the parents I would say that you bought the set you did based on your own children and your budget, and you are concerned for her safety because of the low weight limit. 

 

That is, if you approach the parents.  You could also tell the child (over and over, probably) that she is too old/big for the set and to do something else when she is there.  Of course your own have to understand that too, and not play on it while she is their guest.  Can you provide some other attraction for the kids? 

[happi duck]

What is causing the weight limit? The swing chains? The bracket? The support?

 

It might not be expensive to deal with the weak point that is driving down the weight limit.

 

In the meantime I think you should just say no swing set when she's over. If it was a kid that always threw the Frisbee on the roof I wouldn't think twice of saying 'no Frisbee'. Limits are normal.

[bettyandbob]

What is causing the weight limit? The swing chains? The bracket? The support?

 

It might not be expensive to deal with the weak point that is driving down the weight limit.

 

In the meantime I think you should just say no swing set when she's over. If it was a kid that always threw the Frisbee on the roof I wouldn't think twice of saying 'no Frisbee'. Limits are normal.

 

I would not attempt to alter the playset to accommodate the overweight neighbor. The bottom line is that the manufacturer stated a weight limit. Altering it doesn't matter. In fact altering the playset may eliminate any liability the manufacturer might have for any accident involving the playset with any child (even those well underweight).

 

Additionally, this her playset on her property. She is allowing neighbor children to use it. Her yard is not a public concession where all should expect to play with everything in it.

 

At the most I would suggest having other things in the yard: sand box, hula hoops, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, jump ropes. But I would not alter the playset.

[happi duck]

I would not attempt to alter the playset to accommodate the overweight neighbor. The bottom line is that the manufacturer stated a weight limit. Altering it doesn't matter. In fact altering the playset may eliminate any liability the manufacturer might have for any accident involving the playset with any child (even those well underweight).

 

Additionally, this her playset on her property. She is allowing neighbor children to use it. Her yard is not a public concession where all should expect to play with everything in it.

 

At the most I would suggest having other things in the yard: sand box, hula hoops, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, jump ropes. But I would not alter the playset.

Sometimes the culprit is the chain holding the swings and one can buy sturdier swings. I wouldn't consider this altering the set.

 

I am also in the "your yard, your rules" camp...it's okay for stuff to be off limits.

[kitten18]

:iagree: . OP, I feel sorry that you are in this position. I think that you should talk to the parents and the girl. You should explain that the weight limit is 120 lb and unfortunately, she cannot use the swing set because of safety issues and that you might have bought one with a higher weight limit had you known that she would be playing on it.

 

There is no need to worry about offending or embarrassing her or her parents - you are speaking the truth. They will hear it sooner or later from someone else. Don't take the risk of letting her use the swings even though you know it is unsafe - because, you may not be able to forgive yourself if something bad happened in your backyard to a child.

 

PS: My DH's nephew is obese and the whole family thinks that it is OK and that he will "outgrow" his obesity when he becomes an active young man (he is 24 now!). Nobody "talked" to him for fear of hurting his feelings. They always drove him everywhere and never let him use public transport. One day he was asked by an airline to buy double tickets on his first ever flight. So, he had to deal with the embarrassment anyway from a third party even though no one in his friend/family circle talked about it to him.

At 24 years old I'm sure he's painfully aware of his own obesity. He really doesn't need anyone to point it out to him.

[kitten18]

OP - I would let my kids swing during the day when the other kids are at school then I would unhook the swings and put them away for evenings and weekends.

[bettyandbob]

Sometimes the culprit is the chain holding the swings and one can buy sturdier swings. I wouldn't consider this altering the set.

 

I am also in the "your yard, your rules" camp...it's okay for stuff to be off limits.

 

I'm sure the manufacturer would disagree with you on the definition of alter for their purposes. I would not want to be in a position where some neighbor/parent sues me and the manufacturer of the playset for injuries that occurred in my backyard and then have it shown that I was negligent because I altered the equipment.

 

I do alter things for my purposes all the time. The problem is here we are talking about a playset which is being used by children who are not members of the homeowners family. Anytime you are dealing with people on your property, you have to consider what liabilities you have. Children really up the chances of accidents and liability.

[Unicorn.]

The weight limit is PER CHILD, or also PER SEAT. So, if the set has 3 swings, or 2 swings and a bar, that's 360 lb total! This set at Walmart has 105 lb limit per seat, max capacity of 630 lbs. http://www.walmart.com/ip/Flexible-Flyer-Triple-Fun-II-Metal-Swing-Set/20919449#Item+Description

 

Let the girl swing! Swing sets creak, swing sets move.. we got 12 inch bolts, some chain, and secured each foot of the set by staking. Our kids would pop our set up so high, I though it would flip over. Staked it, not a problem any more. And it creaked, and groaned and sometimes we thought the top bar would bend. It didn't, and they played on long after they were way over the weight limit.

[Aspasia]

There is the weight per child but what is the total weight allowance? I've often seen adults sitting on child swings.

 

Well, it says it accommodates up to 10 children at a time, with that weight limit for each individual child. So I guess that means the total weight limit is 1200 lbs, but I don't think that means it can accommodate an individual who weighs 1200 lbs. ;)

 

Also, adults *sit* on child swings. That's not the same thing as swinging on them as high as they can, which puts far more pressure on the chains and brackets, because of the pulling and the momentum you gain while swinging.

 

I agree that 120 seems like a very low weight limit.

 

Is the little girl tall as well? Maybe you could tell her it's a height limit, or since your kids are all younger than 8, maybe you could say it's only for kids 7yo and under?

 

Or you could tell your kids not to play on the swingset when she is over. It's really not nice for them to play on it if she isn't allowed. Tell them you need to do some maintenance on it or something.

 

I don't get why people are saying it seems like a low weight limit (and I definitely don't appreciate words like "crappy" or "chintzy" to describe the playset I just paid $1500 for. No, it's not commercial grade, but it is from Costco and I generally trust Costco to sell decent quality products. It seems pretty darn sturdy to us, even when there are 8 kids on it at a time). Anyway, the age range goes up to 12, and I certainly didn't exceed 120 lbs before I was 12. I'm 5'9" and didn't hit that weight until high school. My 7-year-old doesn't even weight 50 lbs yet. She's skinny, but she's tall. All her other 8- and 9-year-old friends are healthily proportioned kids who easily weigh under 70 lbs. I have no doubt they'll all get to age 12 and be under 120 lbs. The problem here is not my swing set. The problem is that this child is unusually and extremely large for her age.

 

Why not add supports? Your kids are only getting bigger too. We are in the process of doing something similar to ours. You can order hardware online and wood at Home Depot. We would rather be the destination on our street so we have more control.

 

My kids are getting bigger, but I don't expect any of them to reach the weight limit before they age out of the playset. We JUST built this thing. I'm not ready to swap out the components yet.

 

That wasn't what I meant, but it might be true. They are always extra careful when they state limits like that.

 

What I meant was that if I were designing a swingset, I'd set the limits based on what happens in real life, which includes double swinging etc.

 

I can imagine some preschool-y sets that are clearly not meant to accommodate bigger people, but I would think if an adult (or tween/teen) body could fit on a swing, it should probably accommodate more than 120 pounds.

 

I suppose an adult could fit on the swings, but it wouldn't be very comfortable (I say this as a relatively thin adult--when I'm not 38 weeks pregnant ;))

 

This is our set: http://www.cedarsummitplay.com/shelbyvilledeluxe.php

 

It really feels very sturdy, and not cheap at all. I can climb up in the clubhouse with no concern about its ability to support me (and like I said, I'm a very pregnant adult). I could probably go down the straight slide with no problems. But I really don't think I would swing on it, and my weight bouncing around in that tube slide would shake the whole thing. We didn't buy a commercial playground, because we didn't think we needed one (and we don't have $10,000 for a piece of play equipment. Who does???).

[Aspasia]

The good thing is that both of this girl's parents work and she doesn't get home until after 6:00 pm. I'm thinking I'll just keep all the kids in the front yard after 6:00. That way it won't be a problem and I won't have to have any awkward conversations with anyone. :D

[unsinkable]

I said I thought 120 lbs was low bc I think like others mentioned, kids double up on seats and parents swing, too.

 

I didn't say it to be insulting and I didn't call your swing set cheap or chintzy.

[kathkath]

You are so fine as is. We have costco's version from about 8 years ago. Just tighten those bolts and let them have fun. Most ppl are not even aware of weight limits.

[kathkath]

Oh- our slide held 4 adults sitting on it for a photo. The 5th person's weight made it buckle. When they got off it straightened out and has been fine ever since.

[MomatHWTK]

My 12 y.o. exceeded 120 lbs.  Genetics and other issues contributed.  People come with all shapes and sizes and grow at different rates.   

 

 

From your combined posts, it seems that you are really struggling with being a hostess to the neighbor kids at this time.  Some folks (so I've heard) move to neighborhoods so it can be more like it was when they were kids and were free to roam from yard to yard.  I know the kids in our area were pretty bold when we first moved here.  It is up to each property owner to set their boundries and live with the consequences.  If you feel the child is too big for your playset, then you'll have to say something/prevent her from playing on it or continue to allow her to play and accept the accompanying risk. 

 

ETA:  I am not a welcoming host to the neighborhood. I don't like the worry or the liability and don't have the patience.  But as a consequence, my kids aren't included in the 'run around the neighborhood' fun.  DS health issues contribute to the worry as well, but really- I'm just not a 'bring it on' kind of mom.;)

[Aspasia]

I didn't say it to be insulting and I didn't call your swing set cheap or chintzy.

I wasn't referring to your comment.

[happi duck]

I was totally picturing a metal set. I would never expect that a set like that couldn't accommodate adults let alone a big kid. Bummer.

[Aspasia]

From your combined posts, it seems that you are really struggling with being a hostess to the neighbor kids at this time.

I don't understand what about my posts indicates that I'm struggling with hosting these kids. The whole neighborhood is over here on the playset for a few hours every single day, and I'm very happy about it. I just let them play, keep my windows and ears open, and peek out at them every now and then. I give them snacks and drinks. I think I'm a pretty nice hostess, actually. :)

 

I just don't want the neighbors assuming the playset is a communal free-for-all that just happens to be situated in my backyard, and I'm worried about this little girl and how to protect both her and our property.