Bridezillas

[Scarlett]

I have never personally known one until now. My niece has a long time close friend who is the bride....the dress that the bride picked out for the 6 bridesmaids has a plunging neckline and my niece felt very immodest wearing it....when she tried to tell the bride, bride went off on her about it being "her special day" and how everyone should be focused on her.....niece backed out of being in the wedding after that and the bride said their friendship is OVER. Wow. I had no idea people really acted that way about their weddings. I thought that was a exaggeration for reality shows!

[Starr]

Wow, that's impressive even for reality tv! I'm so sorry for your niece.

[Ottakee]

I think that many weddings have just gone over the top now.

 

Our wedding was SIMPLE and CHEAP as we didn't have money, my mom didn't have money ,etc.  My sister stood up with me and wore her prom dress (from a $25 place) and my husband's brother stood up with him and wore a suit jacket he had from a previous wedding.  My dh got a suit jacket from his parents as a gift and I wore my friend's wedding dress.  Wedding and reception was under $500 and 21+ years later we are still very happily married.................oh and our rings were "used" too.  I got his grandmother's diamond as my engagement ring, my great grandmothers wedding band with 3 tiny microchip diamonds (depression era wedding band) for my wedding ring and dh had a wedding band made out of my grandparents original wedding bands melted together.

[Catwoman]

I think your niece dodged a bullet.

 

That woman wasn't a true friend if she reacted so horribly. Your niece is better off without her!

[5of5]

Reality shows are typically staged, but the behavior is often within range of what people actually do!  (Truth is stranger than fiction!)

[Stacia]

My sister has quite a few bridezilla stories. (She works at a place that is used for weddings &/or rehearsal dinners sometimes.) And, it's not just bridezillas -- there are groomzillas (though few I've heard about), mother-of-the-bridezillas &/or mother-in-lawzillas, etc....

 

Some of her tales.... Wow. Just wow. No, it's not made up for tv. It happens quite a bit, I think.

[JustEm]

Glad to hear your niece backed out!  

[G5052]

I had a maid of honor who got very ugly multiple time behind our backs and who began snubbing us socially. The dress was a conservative rental one in a color that worked reasonably well for all of them, but she went on and on about how much she hated it. We had gone out of our way to make it easy for her and paid for her outfit other than shoes and undergarments.  It went downhill from there: she didn't like the date we chose, she didn't like our menu, she told everyone that we were money-hungry because we registered for gifts at Macy's, etc. etc. 

 

So we confronted and offered to have her back out.  She said she'd stay in, but we picked someone else to be the matron of honor. And the friendship fizzled...

[Scarlett]

The focus on a day instead of the marriage is just very immature. Hopefully it doesn't carry over into the marriage, her thinking she has to have things all her way. Her engagement was highly orchestrated too....with a bunch of family and friends being involved...holding up signs that read will you marry me.....my niece has been annoyed by it from the beginning but the way Bride acted over the dress was just over the top.

[Farrar]

Sil went a little bridezilla at her second wedding.  She wanted it to be low key and inexpensive...  yet she still got all controlling and nuts.  On the day of the wedding, she was hours late because she was still trying to control little meaningless details.  Everyone had been waiting forEVER and I sent up to the bridal suite to find her and get things moving and she's there with a glue gun, trying to fix things she didn't think were perfect.  The bridesmaids were all just standing back, a bit in fear.  Now it's funny.  At the time, I was so frustrated!

 

Of course, I know that was NOTHING compared to some of these people you hear about.

[Farrar]

The focus on a day instead of the marriage is just very immature. Hopefully it doesn't carry over into the marriage, her thinking she has to have things all her way. Her engagement was highly orchestrated too....with a bunch of family and friends being involved...holding up signs that read will you marry me.....my niece has been annoyed by it from the beginning but the way Bride acted over the dress was just over the top.

 

Youtube.  It's ruining everyone's weddings and proposals.

[Scarlett]

I've been a bride twice and I just don't get the mindset of thinking a wedding is all about the Bride. I wanted to feel pretty, but I didn't want to make everyone miserable and I didn't want to spend a ton of money. A wedding is presumably to share the joy with family and friends....if everyone is afraid of the Bride where is the joy in that? You may as well go to the JP and be done with it.

[Belacqua]

I was in the wedding of a bridezilla.  I think she was just really nervous because otherwise she was a nice person.  The day of until the ceremony was over she was pretty hard to deal with!  I did not care for the dress she picked out, but I figured it was her day so whatever. 

 

Probably because of that experience I was very low key with my wedding.  I told my wedding party to wear whatever they wanted.  LOL

 

Heh. I had that same experience. My bride wasn't a 'zilla, exactly, but this normally sensible, less-is-more young woman became obsessed with frills and adornments and flourishes. First, she stuffed us into flowered, lacy, puff-sleeved gowns (it was the late '80s, so you can well imagine the shape...). Not fancy enough. Flowered wreaths in our hair. OK. Flowers on our shoes. Chokers! With rhinestones! More...need more...lacy, fingerless gloves. Perfect. 

 

And parasols.

[JustEm]

ugh! I don't want to hear bridezilla stories anymore.  My sil is planning her wedding right now.  My dh and all 3 children will be in it.  At the first sign of bridezilla I'm pulling my kids out and telling dh to fend for himself.  His other sister was bad enough when I told her I couldn't go to her bachelorette party or bridal shower. They were out of town and on the same day.  It was my dh's birthday and we had plans way before knowing about her events.  Her response was, "My brother will have many birthdays but I'm only having one bridal shower and bachelorette party.  It seems selfish that you wouldn't celebrate at least one of them with me instead of his birthday party." I simply replied, "SIL, I hope you understand that when your married your dh comes first.  It may just be a birthday event in your mind but in his mind its a night with friends and his wife having fun after a 60 hour work week. He doesn't get much time that is purely for his entertainment and if its important I be there I'm going to be."  No response would have made her understand that I wasn't being selfish and neither was dh.  Our time together without kids is very limited and needed in order to maintain a healthy marriage since he works SOO much.  A bridal shower is not going to trump quality time with dh.

[idnib]

I didn't have any attendants and none of my friends begged me to when they found out my decision.  :D

 

They were helpful with addressing the invitations and greeting guests at the door. One of them went makeup shopping with me. That was the extent of their "wedding duties"...no dresses they had to wear, no bachelorette party, etc. I only took my parents for dress shopping with me and I bought the dress within an hour of being at the shop. I went back after alterations a couple of weeks later to pick it up. Done and done.

 

I did have an encounter with a Bridezilla/Groomzilla last fall and it made me so angry I could barely see straight. The bride had been abandoned by her parents at a young age and had been raised by her grandmother, who is now destitute and too fragile to attend. The groom's parents paid for everything and the bride went hog wild even though she knew they're not that well off at all. But they had been through a lot of worry about their only son and were so relieved he was settling down they went along with it. Huge debt for this wedding. Of course, they are ultimately responsible for their own decisions, but I do feel she manipulated them because they felt bad she had no family to help, or even attend. Just classless. My dad almost boycotted the wedding but he attended and only spoke to the parents, not the happy couple. 

[Anne in CA]

I have worked in events for years but I will not cater weddings at this time. Too often people do not realize what their behavior looks like to outsiders on their wedding day. When the plans people make don't work out, even though they were warned these plans were a bad idea they don't want to pay the photographer, caterer, florist, ect. IMO the problem is that so much focus is on these people and this one day that these people lose sight of the fact that other people matter too. For some people who are caught up in their big even wedding or other family event like Bar Mitzvah or Quinceanera the fact that other people need a certain level of cooperation becomes irrelevant. A former coworker of mine used to say that ordinary people become narcissists at weddings and she is not far wrong.

[Scarlett]

I feel really sorry for my niece. The bride said she wouldn't change anything and if niece was that uncomfortable she could just back out....then when my niece did back out the Bride says , "our friendship is over".

 

Insane.

[hillfarm]

I think a lot of people want to think that if they can create a perfect wedding, then that will somehow assure a perfect marriage. They forget that one does not cause the other. And in addition to that, they forget that perfection is in the eye of the beholder. I have attended many a "perfect" wedding that pleased the happy couple immensely but that I would have hated had it been my wedding.

 

Sadly, I think some other people use the event of their wedding to beat others in their lives into submission. Perhaps they are upset by prior slights. But they use the "bridezilla" platform to get revenge. How sad to invite someone to be in your wedding that you merely want to humiliate.

 

Others seem to use their weddings to impress everyone or to try to move up in the social pecking order. However, in order to achieve this, everything has to be totally perfect. One tiny flaw could negate the impact of the whole effort. So they become crazy micromanagers, trying to chase every single detail into order.

 

And IMO, some deluded individuals have always wanted to act like a bridezilla but were not quite bold enough to try it. The event of their wedding seems to give them carte blanche to indulge in such self centeredness. They revel in it (although I think the word "wallow" might be more appropriate) and the perceived power it gives them over others.

 

I used to be the facility and grounds coordinator for our church when we lived in Florida. (volunteer position) We had a lovely, Spanish style building and beautiful, landscaped grounds that fronted directly on the ocean. So we hosted many, many weddings there. Since our congregation was a small one of mostly senior citizens, most of the brides and grooms were not members of our church, but were somehow connected more indirectly (great nephews and nieces, cousins of inlaws, etc.) So many times, there were no previous social ties. Thank God, because I would have hated to have seen them broken! We hosted many a bridezilla and groomzilla, plus plenty of relativezillas. More than once I smiled sweetly and in a calm voice said, "This is exactly what the contract specified, and the extent of what we have available. If it does not suit you, you are welcome to move your event to another location. Please let me know by the end of business today so I will know whether to book other events on "your" weekend." Twice they left in a huff, cancelled the venue, and I booked someone else in their place. Lack of planning, lack of acceptance of reality, or bad attitude on their part did not justify me trying to move Heaven and earth to accommodate them.

[Scarlett]

So weird how this thread isn't showing up on my content.

[FaithManor]

Well, a friend and I have opened an event coordinating business and we've done three weddings. One fairly easy to get along with bride, one bride who was the opposite of bridezilla and was so eager to please everyone that she became paralyzed in the decision making process which kind of drove us nuts but we tried to be really compassionate and gently nudge her along while holding at bay her heavy handed mother and BRIDESMAID ZILLA whom I really just wanted to throw out of my office on more than one occasion, and then a real bridezilla. We ended up just smiling and doing our best with bridezilla while nickel and diming her for every.single.stupid.last.minute. change she made and charging extra for the amount of stress she caused us. Literally, floral arrangements ended up double priced, etc. We just figured if we have to put up with such behavior, then we'd be sure to make it worth our while financially to put up with it. When she complained about the final bill, we had documentation of every last second change, every conversation in which she was a witch, the midnight phone calls because she decided she couldn't wait until business hours to tell us she wanted something new or different, etc. Wake me up miss bride, and I'm literally charging you by the minute for that phone call. She was not happy, and I think her father was livid with her. But, mommy dearest paid the bill. To us, that's all that mattered.

 

But, seeing it from the professional side of things, I can honestly say that I just can't imagine why anyone gets that wrapped up in "stuff" at the expense of human relationships. So sad. If I could figure out in the interview process how to weed out bridezillas or mother zillas, I'd do so and just refuse to take on those events. It's hard to be a pro sometimes and suck it up in order to deal with it in a businesslike manner.

[shukriyya]

Heh. I had that same experience. My bride wasn't a 'zilla, exactly, but this normally sensible, less-is-more young woman became obsessed with frills and adornments and flourishes. First, she stuffed us into flowered, lacy, puff-sleeved gowns (it was the late '80s, so you can well imagine the shape...). Not fancy enough. Flowered wreaths in our hair. OK. Flowers on our shoes. Chokers! With rhinestones! More...need more...lacy, fingerless gloves. Perfect.

 

And parasols.

Okay, this is *fantastic*! :smilielol5:

[Scarlett]

The bride Unfriended my niece on FB.

 

I feel so bad for my niece. She has enough of her own troubles....now her friend treats her like this.

[FaithManor]

The bride Unfriended my niece on FB.

 

I feel so bad for my niece. She has enough of her own troubles....now her friend treats her like this.

That's so sad, and uncalled for, but I hope your niece can recognize it for what it is, and then move forward. I hope she finds a new friend...a real friend, and not someone who is "fair weather" and does not actually enter the relationship with an eye only to herself.

 

It's a pretty narcissistic act unfriending someone over something so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

[JFSinIL]

That woman was never a true friend to begin with, seems to me.

 

And what bride would choose deep necklines and risk being upstaged by all that cleavage???? ;-)

[Scarlett]

That's so sad, and uncalled for, but I hope your niece can recognize it for what it is, and then move forward. I hope she finds a new friend...a real friend, and not someone who is "fair weather" and does not actually enter the relationship with an eye only to herself.

 

It's a pretty narcissistic act unfriending someone over something so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

Narcissistic is a good description of how the bride has been acting since even before she was engaged. She threw a big fit because another friend who had been dating for a much shorter time and who is younger got engaged first.

 

The wedding is in 5 weeks. I hope they can mend it enough so that my niece will go to the wedding. Otherwise I see years of problems....they live in a small town, attend same congregation, very intermingled lives.

[Scarlett]

That woman was never a true friend to begin with, seems to me.

 

And what bride would choose deep necklines and risk being upstaged by all that cleavage???? ;-)

Ha, IKR. I think part of the problem is that the Bride is now feeling judged over the appropriateness of the dresses.

[plansrme]

The bride Unfriended my niece on FB.

 

I feel so bad for my niece. She has enough of her own troubles....now her friend treats her like this.

 

What a girl bully.

 

I know we all love to make fun of the Duggars, and I'm no fan, either, but I got sucked into an episode this week because I couldn't find the remote to change channels.  The Duggars trooped to Arkansas to help with the wedding of the oldest Bates daughter.  The family (with the Duggars' help) threw the reception for a thousand people in the church gym, and by "threw," I mean they set up tables and chairs (right on top of the basketball court paint), made centerpieces, cooked and served the food and punch (yes, punch--when was the last time you saw punch at a wedding?).  The bride wore a nothing-special dress.  She did her own hair and make-up in the church bathroom.  The bridesmaids' dresses were the taffeta version of a denim jumper.  But the attitude towards the event and the couple was so incredibly refreshing!  The couple were just delighted to be getting married; they arranged to meet before the ceremony, but they backed up to opposite sides of an open door so that they could hold hands and pray without seeing each other.  Both the bride and broom were just giddy.  The bride, the Duggar girls and the brides sisters' raved about how beautiful the wedding was, and bash the Duggars and their ilk all you want, but it was.  The focus was on the marriage, not the party.  I've watched a lot of Say Yes to the Dress, and I adore it, but this was what a wedding should be.  Of course I would love for my own girls to have that attitude and joy with a pretty dress and better food--certainly they are not mutually exclusive, but if I had to choose one over the other, I'd take the Kool-Aid punch and the nicer attitude.

 

OP, I'm sorry this has happened to your niece.  I hope someone knocks some sense into the bride and she has some heartfelt remorse, and soon.

[Scarlett]

I might have to find that episode and watch it.

 

My best friends 2nd wedding was just so incredible. The grooms dd couldn't get there until the last minute so they had a dinner BEFORE the ceremony. I was matron of honor....and we had different dresses for the dinner and wedding. It was low stress and low key...I remember the flower girl and ring bearer were her niece and nephew...and someone asked her a question about how/ when she wanted them to walk in.....she shrugged and said whenever they want. Later the little flower girl didn't want to walk out so the Bride picked her up and carried her to where the groom was waiting......she put the little girl down and said her vows. :)

 

I think I was more uptight about all those things than the Bride.

 

My second wedding was similar. I think that once you have seen what marriage is like and how bad one can go, you really appreciate the relationship of a second chance love and realize the wedding is just one day.

[Seasider]

Youtube. It's ruining everyone's weddings and proposals.

It's not just weddings and proposals. I have high schoolers and every time someone gets asked to a dance it has to be done in a big creative fashion. While it can be fun, I agree it's contributing to a culture with high expectations, focused on short term excitement rather than long term commitment and satisfaction.

[Seasider]

The bride Unfriended my niece on FB.

 

I feel so bad for my niece. She has enough of her own troubles....now her friend treats her like this.

That gal was no true friend.

[Scarlett]

The Bride is totally enraged now. You would not believe the texts she is sending to my niece. Totally out of proportion to the situation. One of her 6 brides maids backed out 5 weeks before the wedding.....but she is being as mean and vicious as if my niece slept with her boyfriend!

[mom@shiloh]

Two of my six dds are married and this thread makes me so thankful that they were absolutely wonderful with their weddings.  Two of the most joy-filled days of my life.  Busy, hectic, a bit stressful and tiring, but very joyful.  The focus was on the celebration and the wonderful gift of marriage.  May you all be equally blessed!  

[Scarlett]

Two of my six dds are married and this thread makes me so thankful that they were absolutely wonderful with their weddings. Two of the most joy-filled days of my life. Busy, hectic, a bit stressful and tiring, but very joyful. The focus was on the celebration and the wonderful gift of marriage. May you all be equally blessed!

I am almost 50 and I have been to a lot of weddings....and most have been great. This is the first Bridezilla I've ever known. My friends dd MIL was difficult....but NOTHING like this. I have been sharing this story with ds and telling him this is the kind of girl to avoid when he is old enough to think about dating. This high drama, high maintenance personality is just not a good friend or mate.

[Starr]

Can't someone in the church help with this situation. It can't be good for the congregation.  :grouphug:

[OneStepAtATime]

Scarlett, I am truly sorry that your niece is dealing with this.  I am also concerned about the fact that the bride is not letting this go.  Since this is a small town and their lives are so intertwined I would worry that this could escalate and create some lasting negative consequences.  I agree with PP, is there any way a minister in the church could intercede?  Or someone else in authority that is somewhat neutral could step in and smooth things out before this gets worse?  Could someone get the bride and your niece together to talk this through with a mediator?  It shouldn't take that kind of effort.  The bride should have graciously agreed to let her step down as part of the wedding party since it was the bride that offered to let her do that in the first place.  But it doesn't sound like she is letting this drop and as the wedding gets closer and the pressure and her nerves increase she may just get nastier.  And spread all kinds of nasty rumors about your niece.  :(

[PrairieSong]

The Bride is totally enraged now. You would not believe the texts she is sending to my niece. Totally out of proportion to the situation. One of her 6 brides maids backed out 5 weeks before the wedding.....but she is being as mean and vicious as if my niece slept with her boyfriend!

She needs to block bridezilla's phone number.

[PrairieSong]

cooked and served the food and punch (yes, punch--when was the last time you saw punch at a wedding?).

I see it all the time here. Not Koolaid punch, but punch served with the cake. What do people serve with cake? Coffee? Champagne?

[PrairieSong]

After the wedding, hopefully the couple will get on with life and the bride will realize it was only one day. I do not get the over-the-top emphasis on having the perfect proposal and wedding. I saw a young couple's proposal photos shared on FB...at a lake, silhouetted against the setting sun. He was on one knee. I asked one of my dds if they actually had a photographer present for the proposal. She said no, they staged that later so the photographer could take pictures. I would be looking at those photos for the rest of my life knowing they were staged. I don't get it.

 

I hope your niece's friend comes to her senses. In the grand scheme of things, this day will pass very quickly. It is not the gala of the century.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am so sorry for your niece - not only for how she is being treated now, but for the fact that this won't go away after the wedding due to the social situation. 

 

I used to be a wedding hostess at our church.  I loved being part of people's special day and helping smooth over details so that the two families' can just relax and celebrate the union.  We would run the rehearsals and be there to help set up and do anything last minute at the church.  It was a lot of time (90 minutes on a Friday night and about 4 hours on a Saturday was the typical commitment.)  For the most part, I loved it.  Of course, we would have the occasional rowdy groomsmen delaying the rehearsal or some nervous tears before the ceremony.  But that was usually tolerable.   It started to go south for me when the new music director felt it was his place to critique everything from the color of the bridesmaid's dresses to the relative attractiveness of the bride.   I'll never forget his comment that these lovely soft-pink dresses looked like Pepto-Bismal to him.  I just about told him to go take some if this was so nauseating to him.  Really?  Your job is music - and if you can't have reverence, then you don't belong here. Then the trend of hiring "wedding planners" seemed to feed the Bridezilla complex - the idea that the "day" had to be elaborate and perfect.  One wedding, after informing a bridal party that they needed to get their pictures going so that they could finish them before we needed to set up for the evening vigil Mass, they went out to the limo to drink (a big no-no at the church) then came back and complained loudly that they should get all the time they wanted.  The mother of the bride had the nerve to tell them to stay as long as they wanted - that possession was 9/10th of the law.  I had to explain that this was a place of worship, not a pay-by-the-day hall.  

[Scarlett]

I see it all the time here. Not Koolaid punch, but punch served with the cake. What do people serve with cake? Coffee? Champagne?

Ha, I meant to ask the same thing earlier....I still see punch at weddings.

[Scarlett]

Can't someone in the church help with this situation. It can't be good for the congregation. :grouphug:

My niece thought of that, but my mom is discouraging that for the moment.....give her ( bride) a day or two to calm down before doing something that will just escalate it further.

[Scarlett]

Scarlett, I am truly sorry that your niece is dealing with this. I am also concerned about the fact that the bride is not letting this go. Since this is a small town and their lives are so intertwined I would worry that this could escalate and create some lasting negative consequences. I agree with PP, is there any way a minister in the church could intercede? Or someone else in authority that is somewhat neutral could step in and smooth things out before this gets worse? Could someone get the bride and your niece together to talk this through with a mediator? It shouldn't take that kind of effort. The bride should have graciously agreed to let her step down as part of the wedding party since it was the bride that offered to let her do that in the first place. But it doesn't sound like she is letting this drop and as the wedding gets closer and the pressure and her nerves increase she may just get nastier. And spread all kinds of nasty rumors about your niece. :(

She has a history of this kind of drama....but my niece felt she was finally maturing. To add to it the brides dad died 6 weeks ago. So things are kind of nuts right now. I think the less said by my niece the better.

[Scarlett]

I am so sorry for your niece - not only for how she is being treated now, but for the fact that this won't go away after the wedding due to the social situation.

 

I used to be a wedding hostess at our church. I loved being part of people's special day and helping smooth over details so that the two families' can just relax and celebrate the union. We would run the rehearsals and be there to help set up and do anything last minute at the church. It was a lot of time (90 minutes on a Friday night and about 4 hours on a Saturday was the typical commitment.) For the most part, I loved it. Of course, we would have the occasional rowdy groomsmen delaying the rehearsal or some nervous tears before the ceremony. But that was usually tolerable. It started to go south for me when the new music director felt it was his place to critique everything from the color of the bridesmaid's dresses to the relative attractiveness of the bride. I'll never forget his comment that these lovely soft-pink dresses looked like Pepto-Bismal to him. I just about told him to go take some if this was so nauseating to him. Really? Your job is music - and if you can't have reverence, then you don't belong here. Then the trend of hiring "wedding planners" seemed to feed the Bridezilla complex - the idea that the "day" had to be elaborate and perfect. One wedding, after informing a bridal party that they needed to get their pictures going so that they could finish them before we needed to set up for the evening vigil Mass, they went out to the limo to drink (a big no-no at the church) then came back and complained loudly that they should get all the time they wanted. The mother of the bride had the nerve to tell them to stay as long as they wanted - that possession was 9/10th of the law. I had to explain that this was a place of worship, not a pay-by-the-day hall.

Wow! People can be so brazen!

[OneStepAtATime]

She has a history of this kind of drama....but my niece felt she was finally maturing. To add to it the brides dad died 6 weeks ago. So things are kind of nuts right now. I think the less said by my niece the better.

:grouphug:   I hope this blows over quickly.  Best wishes to you and your family and big hugs of support to your niece.

[FaithManor]

You would all love the Mennonite weddings in the area. The wedding gowns are all made from the same handful of wedding styles that are considered appropriate and usually lace with polyester lining or a polyester satin. The bridesmaids' dresses are also really low key, usually again made by the family members of pink, light blue, lavender, pale yellow, or light green polyester satin either with a very muted floral design or plain. They where low heel white pumps or ballet type slippers. The groom and his men wear dress pants, button down shirts, and simple ties...sometimes a family will afford vests. The little girls will have braids with bows in their hair and carry little baskets of whatever wildflowers are available, and except for the bows that mark the pews for the family members to sit in, and an altar cloth on the altar with some candles burning, there isn't a lot else.

 

The families usually rent our church gymnasium because they tend to be HUGE receptions with most of the larger community invited. We can seat...absolutely crammed, but doable, 500 people, but the men will also hall picnic tables around on the grass (always summer or early fall weddings) for overflow. Probably 50 ladies cook and bake. I am serious about this food. They have every intention of feeding people to point of internal combustion and they spare no expense on that food. But, I'm under the impression that it isn't that expensive for the family because EVERYONE chips in bringing all manner of huge bowls and pans of food. It's a community event.

 

But, really, for the most part, in our area most weddings, big or small, cheap or expensive, are very celebratory and not narcissistic. Because I'm an event planner, I happen to meet the kind of people who get all freaky and perfectionist and snarky.

 

If I had a community of people that would have helped cook for dd's wedding, I would have been thrilled to invite more people. But, I didn't want to spend three days in the kitchen frantically cooking and baking a massive amount of food and missing out on time spent with her, her fiancé, and his family. I don't have that kind of extended support group so hiring a caterer was the answer, and that meant limiting the guest list to the number of mouths we could afford to feed which of course come with drama. UGH...but, all in all, it was wonderful and had very few hiccups. It was a beautiful ceremony and lovely reception afterward with plenty of time visit with guests.

 

I have to say, this last wedding I coordinated, the MOB and bride bit off more than they could handle emotionally. They kept wanting it bigger and better. Apparently, the older sisters married into quite large families who contributed heavily in both money and time spent helping on those events so MOB thought her youngest daughter should have the same. However, youngest married into a tiny family, her groom being 2000 miles away, and well, even with me and my team, it was just too much for her. That bride was exhausted, the MOB was exhausted, everyone who did turn out to help was worn to the bone before the event even started. It was too much for what they were capable of handling. I found that really sad because I'm not certain they ever had a chance to enjoy the day. But, it is what happens when "things" eclipse the meaning of the day.