Just out of curiosity...

[EKS]

Say your kid is attending a b&m school.  How many email queries/other contacts should occur during the semester before a parent is accused of being "overly involved" by a teacher?

 

Thank you.

[Erica in OR]

I think there is a difference between being part of the educational process of my child and, to use an over-used phrase, a helicopter parent. Am I emailing about things that the child could be dealing with themselves with the teacher directly? In that case, too much communication could be seen as being overly involved.

 

I suppose it would depend on the age of the child and what I'm emailing about. Clarification of assignments? A bullying issue? Something else?

 

Erica in OR

[jewellsmommy]

Say your kid is attending a b&m school.  How many email queries/other contacts should occur during the semester before a parent is accused of being "overly involved" by a teacher?

 

Thank you.

 

 

I voted that you you can't be overly involved, but if a parent is having to email everyday or several times a week, then I would say that there is clearly a bigger issue going on that requires a more long term solution. I am assuming that a parent wouldn't go through that sort of bother unless there was a real need.

[jewellsmommy]

Are you going to tell us how many times you have emailed the teacher this semester? :tongue_smilie:

[EKS]

Are you going to tell us how many times you have emailed the teacher this semester? :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes, I am... In a bit.

[NicAnn]

I said never. There are parents that are over involved, sure. But if I had my kid in a school, I'd expect a weekly email. I get emails more often than that from the families I tutor.

[ocelotmom]

I agree, depends on the situation. If a child is having no apparent problems and the parent is emailing frequently about some little thing or another, or wants a blow-by-blow description of the child's day or something like that, I would start to question it. If the contacts were implying that the teacher was doing a poor job, I can see them feeling threatened and reacting defensively.

 

If the student was struggling in some way, I would think that regular, even daily, contact could be appropriate depending on the seriousness of the problem.

 

(I think if a teacher is outright saying that the parent is "overly involved" that they are probably handling the situation poorly.)

[alef]

I said never, though I can imagine a parent emailing excessively--say every day, or multiple times a day. I wouldn't call that overly involved, though, I would call it--I dunno, controlling? Weird? 

 

 

[EKS]

I emailed the teacher *once*.  One time.  I asked about an assignment that had 10 times the point value of most of the other assignments.  The grade was a C when just about all of the other grades were an A. 

 

Can you tell I'm not happy?

[Luckymama]

One time and s/he says you are overly involved? :rolleyes:

[gardenmom5]

it really depends upon the nature of the queries, the parent's motivation, and the teacher.  so no hard and fast number. 

 

some teachers are bad and should be in a different career, and some parents think their little darlings can do no wrong and blame the teacher for the students failings.

 

I have an experienced teacher friend who had a student in the last category.  the principle finally stepped in and told the parents all contact would go through her.

 

[Farrar]

Ten total.  But more than one in a day or more than a couple in a week unless they were part of a conversation, would also maybe be overly involved.  It really depends on the content to some extent.

 

And it also depends on the school.  When I taught public school, I was lucky to meet a couple of parents.  When I taught private school, there were parents who I got to know extremely well - some of them for good, and some for ill.  But it wasn't too weird to have a casual conversation about an issue a couple times a week during pick up or drop off.  Emailing wasn't quite the thing at that school.

 

One time and the teacher goes to insult you off the bat?  S/he's nuts.

[jewellsmommy]

I emailed the teacher *once*.  One time.  I asked about an assignment that had 10 times the point value of most of the other assignments.  The grade was a C when just about all of the other grades were an A. 

 

Can you tell I'm not happy?

 

If once is over involved then why even give out an email address for contact in the first place?

"Here's my email, but don't ever use it because only over-involved parents do that." :confused1:

[Alte Veste Academy]

The only way once is overly involved is if you are talking about your college kid.

[EKS]

The only way once is overly involved is if you are talking about your college kid.

 

Nope.  It was the middle schooler.

[hjffkj]

I wouldn't contact a teach about a single C grade and as a teacher would be annoyed if a parent were questioning me about it, especially before the student questioned me about it. I wouldn't have said you were too involved though if it was the first e-mail.  But she may have those parents who are helicopter parents and was having an off day about it.

[EKS]

I wouldn't contact a teach about a single C grade and as a teacher would be annoyed if a parent were questioning me about it, especially before the student questioned me about it. I wouldn't have said you were too involved though if it was the first e-mail.  But she may have those parents who are helicopter parents and was having an off day about it.

 

It was a bit more complicated than this.  It was an assignment that was supposedly graded for completion--meaning if he did it he would get 100% (like how some teachers grade homework).  He did it and got a C, so I was trying to find out how that worked.  I wasn't asking that the teacher change the grade; I was just trying to understand.

[Word Nerd]

How were you told you were being overly involved? Did the teacher say it to you in a direct response to your query, or was it said in a conference, in which case perhaps the teacher had you mixed up with another parent?

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

From the other side, DW teaches 6-8 PS.  There are so FEW parents involved any more that it would be hard to be considered overly involved.

[EKS]

How were you told you were being overly involved? Did the teacher say it to you in a direct response to your query, or was it said in a conference, in which case perhaps the teacher had you mixed up with another parent?

 

It was in the course of our conversation about this.  I had emailed her with the question in response to an emailed grade report and she called me about three seconds later.  It wasn't the first thing out of her mouth.  It happened when I asked if the kids knew that only doing what was assigned would earn a C, while doing more than what was assigned would make their grade go up (the answer was no, BTW, she admitted that she did not clarify that). 

 

To add insult to injury, right after this, she told me that the reason my son didn't figure out that he should do more than what was actually assigned is because he is younger than the other kids.  She mentioned that her daughter is the same age as my son and the daughter probably wouldn't have understood either.  Frankly (and I didn't say this to her), I'm 46 years old, and *I* wouldn't have understood either given that by her own admission, she didn't actually explain it.

 

(FWIW, my son has skipped two grades with the full support, or so I thought, of the school.  He is one of the top students in his grade, if not *the* top, and a model student in terms of behavior.)

 

[Word Nerd]

With that additional information, I'm guessing she has issues with grade skipping and that's really what she was referring to with the "overly involved" comment (i.e., she thinks you should have just gone along with regular age-based grade placement instead of pushing to have your son advanced).

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

It was in the course of our conversation about this.  I had emailed her with the question in response to an emailed grade report and she called me about three seconds later.  It wasn't the first thing out of her mouth.  It happened when I asked if the kids knew that only doing what was assigned would earn a C, while doing more than what was assigned would make their grade go up (the answer was no, BTW, she admitted that she did not clarify that). 

 

To add insult to injury, right after this, she told me that the reason my son didn't figure out that he should do more than what was actually assigned is because he is younger than the other kids.  She mentioned that her daughter is the same age as my son and the daughter probably wouldn't have understood either.  Frankly (and I didn't say this to her), I'm 46 years old, and *I* wouldn't have understood either given that by her own admission, she didn't actually explain it.

 

(FWIW, my son has skipped two grades with the full support, or so I thought, of the school.  He is one of the top students in his grade, if not *the* top, and a model student in terms of behavior.)

 

 

I wouldn't read any more into it than a teacher having a tough day.  There's such a ton of, ahem...stuff..., that goes on over 8 periods that you never know where or what a teacher just came from before that call.

[Alte Veste Academy]

So what is she going to do to ensure that her mistake doesn't impact the kids' grades? She would need to answer that or I might consider getting the principal overly involved. ;) (And I am so not an overly involved kind of gal, but this would not work for me.)

 

Mistakes. Everyone makes them! Not a problem. Knowingly allowing other people to suffer for your admitted mistakes when you have the ability to rectify the situation? A real problem for me.

[Trish]

Well take the number of emails, multiply by the number of students in class, say 20-25, then if you're talking high school, multiply by the number of classes, and, well, a little over involvement can result in a mountain of emails! Especially if teachers are expected to respond to each and every one in a timely fashion.

 

But, there's nothing wrong with bringing up a concern or asking for a clarification.

 

Maybe if there are too many emails, the student could ask the question directly before or after class? And email used for things that don't lend themselves to a student/teacher interaction?

 

Generally I don't view parental concern as a bad thing, but I could see how it could get out of hand.

[QueenCat]

It was in the course of our conversation about this.  I had emailed her with the question in response to an emailed grade report and she called me about three seconds later.  It wasn't the first thing out of her mouth.  It happened when I asked if the kids knew that only doing what was assigned would earn a C, while doing more than what was assigned would make their grade go up (the answer was no, BTW, she admitted that she did not clarify that). 

 

 

 

In a way, I can see where she is coming from. A "C" is supposed to be the average grade for meeting expectations. To me, if a teacher said write an essay that makes at least three points from the article, a paper that did that adequately would get a C, a paper that did that super well would get a B, and a paper with 4 or more points that was written well would get an A. However, since this is middle school, I don't think it as  realistic for a student to get the expectations. Certainly, for high school, it is a very reasonable expectation (and one that I have seen used). I am a big fan of well written rubrics at the middle school level as it does help clarify expectations.

[Wheres Toto]

I put "never" although I guess my better response would have been - it depends.  If a child is struggling, I think even daily updates might not be too much.  But if there's a bit of "special snowflake" syndrome going on, you could probably hit too much quite a bit faster.

 

AND now that I've actually read the responses and the update - I agree with a previous poster that the teacher seems opposed to grade skipping and that's where the comment came from.  Your question wasn't unreasonable and in that situation, I probably would have become more "involved" and suggested the grading was unfair given she admits to not clarifying things with the students.

 

[mytwomonkeys]

In your situation, I would be upset too. I would not discuss anything through email at this point and would set up an actual meeting.  If his general grade is an A average & this particular assignment holds 10x the weight of other assignments, I would want clarification and a face to face discussion. That is not unreasonable. 

[Catwoman]

I emailed the teacher *once*. One time. I asked about an assignment that had 10 times the point value of most of the other assignments. The grade was a C when just about all of the other grades were an A.

 

Can you tell I'm not happy?

I wouldn't be happy, either.

[KrissiK]

Over-involvement, in my opinion as a former jr. High teacher, has more to do with the tone and attitude of the parent, rather than the amount of contact. If, as a parent you support the teacher, encourage the teacher, recognize that your child is a slacker, is capable of losing their homework, etc. and want to work with the teacher! the involvement is great. But a "mama bear" parent who is adversarial toward the teacher is a hindrance on all fronts. I've had parents who are so horrible tha I've had to literally hide from them because of the potential for verbal abuse, and I've also had wonderful parents who know that Johnny has some issues and don't scream at me for losing their kids' homework, when all along said homework was crumpled up at the bottoms of the backpack.

[In The Great White North]

 

 

 It was an assignment that was supposedly graded for completion--meaning if he did it he would get 100% (like how some teachers grade homework). 

 

 

 

 It happened when I asked if the kids knew that only doing what was assigned would earn a C, while doing more than what was assigned would make their grade go up (the answer was no, BTW, she admitted that she did not clarify that). 

 

 

If it was graded on completion, and he did 100% of it, what "more" was she expecting to raise the grade?

 

 

 

To me, if a teacher said write an essay that makes at least three points from the article, a paper that did that adequately would get a C, a paper that did that super well would get a B, and a paper with 4 or more points that was written well would get an A. 

 

 

This is no longer a project to be graded on "completion".

 

No wonder the kids didn't get it.

[joannqn]

It is ridiculous to hold a student to unspecified expectations.

[Megbo]

I agree that the expectations were unreasonable for middle schoolers, but she might think of you're overly involved because you e-mailed her before giving your son a chance to speak up for himself? Of course, by sending grades to the parents instead of giving them to the students she's setting herself up for this type of "over-involvement". 

[EKS]

I agree that the expectations were unreasonable for middle schoolers, but she might think of you're overly involved because you e-mailed her before giving your son a chance to speak up for himself? Of course, by sending grades to the parents instead of giving them to the students she's setting herself up for this type of "over-involvement". 

 

He tried on several occasions to ask her but she wasn't in her room and then would forget when he was in class.