Dumbfounded

[Happy]

or maybe speechless...more correctly, at a loss for words.

 

Twice in the last few weeks, I've been in groups of women where they talked about how bored they were as stay at home moms. Bored as in couldn't think of anything to keep their minds and hands busy. Bored so we *had* to put the kids in childcare and go to work to fulfill ourselves.

 

I was just at a loss for words. I can't imagine being bored. How LUCKY I feel to have found the keys to life long learning. Homeschooling has been terrific for our sons, but more so for me. I'm not the same woman who started hsing in 1999. Even then, I was a business owner and a life long learner, but now my horizons have expanded even more. I pull weeds and contemplate how the French-Indian war changed the country. Or paint the walls and muse how our governments ideals have changed since Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence. Work on my book and think about the effect certain classic novels had on history.

 

I think, therefore, I'm never bored.

 

I may be restless or unsettled at times, but my list of projects and plans and bucket loads of thoughts keep me happily engaged. I have time to volunteer or take someone from church to a doctor's appointment. I have time....that's the key. All the women speaking are wonderful. Great at their jobs and good with their families. I simply feel like they have settled for good, when they could have had great.

 

Since this is my last year as a homeschooler (the youngest graduates next spring--hopefully ;)), I know some sort of gainful employment is in my future. Sort of suffocates me because I know it will cramp my schedule and I won't have time for all the *real* things I want to accomplish, like learning French fluently or understanding more about horticulture. ;)

 

These are the ramblings of the sleep deprived...you may, of course, not agree or even get what I'm saying. The fun for me is saying it.

[Parrothead]

That must be the difference in the hardwiring of homeschool moms and other moms. In this very broad generalization I'd include moms who want to homeschool, but can't for financial or health or any other reason. The want to is there.

 

With the other moms it just isn't in them to.

[Renee in NC]

I was bored when I stayed home 24/7, but we were isolated, had no money for activities or field trips (and often no car), and the financial pressures were terrible. I need mental stimulation that I don't get from staying home.

 

I need more than homeschooling and housewifing. It took me a long time to admit that. However, I am trying to find a balance!

[Trivium Academy]

I was a SAHM before embarking on a homeschooling journey and life was completely different. With homeschooling I have a purpose further than just keeping house and kids, I am more fully aware of just about everything whereas when I was just a SAHM, I thought just being at home was the gift to my kids. I know otherwise now. Through homeschooling I'm learning a lot more about myself but when I was just a SAHM, I lacked the imagination or purpose of knowing what I wanted and how to obtain it. By choosing to homeschool, it has been an indirect path to re-educating myself.

 

I know I was bored just as a SAHM, I enjoy life as a SAHM/homeschooler much more. :)

[mommaduck]

I think I was only "bored" when I had one wee child or when I had 1 tot and 1 wee babe. After that...uhm, no...not bored. The more they grow and the more I've had, the less "boring" it is around here. In fact, "I'm bored" gets you more work around here LOL!

[WTMindy]

Great post! I love the line, "I think, therefore I'm never bored!"

[laylamcb]

I was a SAHM before embarking on a homeschooling journey and life was completely different. With homeschooling I have a purpose further than just keeping house and kids, I am more fully aware of just about everything whereas when I was just a SAHM, I thought just being at home was the gift to my kids. I know otherwise now. Through homeschooling I'm learning a lot more about myself but when I was just a SAHM, I lacked the imagination or purpose of knowing what I wanted and how to obtain it. By choosing to homeschool, it has been an indirect path to re-educating myself.

 

I know I was bored just as a SAHM, I enjoy life as a SAHM/homeschooler much more. :)

 

This pretty well sums up my journey as well. I used to smile indulgently at those women who seemed sooo delighted to just tickle their babies all day--I envied them, but deep down I NEVER felt fulfilled "just being at home." I'm not proud of it, but there it is. Things are so different now--and so much better!

[Frankie]

I've never been bored, unless I'm being lazy. I gave up my career when my DS was 1 1/2. I had to work until then as my DH was still in school.

 

I loved being a SAHM, it was what I felt I needed to do in my heart. No regrets.

 

Rather than being bored, I felt a loss of idenity. I no longer work outside the home, so who am I? Perhaps it was adjusting from being in-the-know: I was a court reporter, so I knew a lot that was going on in our community. All of a sudden, I had to get information second-hand from the newspapers.

 

At times, now, I feel the urge to "go" and I might say I'm bored because I can't get up and go somewhere. It's not being bored, it's the desire to get out there in the world and do something. We live in a tiny own with no museums, art programs, and very little in the way of classes for children.

 

I remember when I worked, I just didn't get some of the other working moms. They were thrilled that their day-care providers were working on potty training, bottle weaning, etc. They didn't want to be bothered with such things. It was just so contrary to who I was and how I felt.

 

I just had to come to the realization that we're all wired differently. And frankly, I'm glad I am who I am, because I love being home.

[Happy]

Rather than being bored, I felt a loss of idenity. I no longer work outside the home, so who am I? Perhaps it was adjusting from being in-the-know: I was a court reporter, so I knew a lot that was going on in our community. All of a sudden, I had to get information second-hand from the newspapers.

 

 

 

Oh, I hear this! When I closed my studio, I was afraid I would ***cease to exist.*** I'd been a photographer my whole life. (First picked up a camera at eleven years old. Closed my studio after 40.) It is all I'd ever done.

 

Maybe my satisfaction now is because I know that no matter what I choose to do professionally or otherwise, I will still be who I am at the core. I exist.

 

You other gals are correct...homeschooling teaches you to have structure in your daily life. Plus, to even come to the point of homeschooling, you have to be something of a self starter.

 

Thanks for adding to my thoughts.

[melissel]

Well, I think, historically, it's only been relatively recently that women were focused solely on raising (and in our cases, educating) their own children, no? In westernized societies, affluent women had nannies and governesses to help them raise children, and had hobbies and social causes and group activities to occupy them. Poorer women worked because they had to, and/or lived with extended family to help bear the child-rearing burden. In "third world" societies, typically the village raises the children. The nuclear family thing is pretty unique. So it doesn't surprise me that many women find themselves bored and restless at home with young children. As much as I want to quit my job and focus on my home and family, there are still days when I'm tearing my hair out and counting the minutes until my DH gets home (after bedtime, most days lately :() or my mom gets here or the camp bus arrives, just so I can have few minutes to think my own thoughts. I have a foot in both worlds, so I can see both sides--for better or for worse!

 

Someone can feel free to correct my analysis if I'm wrong, but that's how I understand it.

[GailV]

 

Rather than being bored, I felt a loss of idenity. I no longer work outside the home, so who am I?

 

<snip>

 

At times, now, I feel the urge to "go" and I might say I'm bored because I can't get up and go somewhere. It's not being bored, it's the desire to get out there in the world and do something.

 

 

This sums it up for me.

 

I guess if ALL I did was the housework and the kids, then, yeah, maybe I'd consider myself bored. But I always have 2 or 3 projects of my own going -- reading about stuff, figuring out how to do make something or other, pondering why things work the way they do (some of my "projects" involve long periods of staring out the window).

 

You know, I think part of it for me is a sense of being in control of what I do. If I feel I have a CHOICE to sit here quietly vs. go clean the kitchen vs. finish that lace collar I'm supposed to be crocheting vs. read the paperback I'm almost done with, then I feel like I've got plenty of interesting options, some of which I'd be happy to farm out to someone who's bored. But if I thought I MUST go crochet lace (or whatever) then, ugh, that's pretty boring.

 

And I suppose some people do better if they have other assign them projects and provide a method of accountability.

 

Hmmm, I think I'll go sit and think about this. Maybe while I crochet. Or maybe while I clean. Then again, maybe I'll listen to a Teaching Textbooks lecture while I do those things. Sheesh, once again, too many choices.

[tibbyl]

Well, I'll just come out and say it. I fully understand why some women can become bored staying at home. Much of the work associated with homemaking is drudgery. Like the original poster, I am a lifelong learner who is usually content as long as I have reading material. But honestly I did miss my connection to my profession and colleagues. Granted I never wanted to work full time because I am not a career-driven person although I had to for years to help make ends meet. Working part time is a great solution. Momma needs to be content for the household to function properly.

[chaik76]

I have a lot of friends who get bored staying home, and I do understand that (I must admit, I didn't at one time). I don't and never have. I think because most of what I love to do doesn't center around friends or the work world. I love to research things that interest me, do projects, play with my kids. I WAS bored when I worked. I haven't been bored since I came home at all!

[swellmomma]

I am far from bored, and have always wanted to be a SAHM and homeschooler BUT I have to admit I am often stressed and wish I could be out of the house more. As a single mom I do not have the option of getting out with out my kids to volunteer, take a class etc at times I feel trapped because of that.

 

While I love my children, love that I have the opportunity to be home with them and love homeschooling them, it sometimes doesn't feel like enough, like I have given up my entire life to do this, I have no IRL friends to hang out with, no activities out of the hosue for myself, and obviously no dating to even find a new man in my life. I can see how others would get bored, or feel like they lost themselves.

 

In my case, I don't think I ever found myself to begin with, I started so young to have kids and not in the best circumstances, and things have been a wild ride ever since. I love to be thinking about other things, and working around the house, but it's like that's all that I am. EVen staying home I have no time to do my hobbies that I can do here, there just is not enough time or energy and I am never alone long enough to think straight. I don't want to go out to work f/t, that actually caused me to be bored like crazy, and guilty for not being with my kids, and outright depressed, while I feel trapped at times at home I am never depressed like that.

 

I think for most people there has to be a balance, between being home and with out children, and being in the world with other adults for interaction etc

[Colleen]

or maybe speechless...more correctly, at a loss for words.

 

I'm surprised you're so stunned at the finding that people are stimulated (or not) by different things.

 

I can't imagine being bored. How LUCKY I feel to have found the keys to life long learning.

 

Yes, it is a gift indeed. I believe, though, that you're mistaken in your implication that women who desire to work outside the home have little or no passion for learning, or ability/willingness to self-educate. Like you, I can find a gazillion things at home to fill my mind. As well, I do happen to find fulfillment in what many consider the mundane tasks of caring for the home. If my children were in school, I would gladly throw myself into homemaking with more gusto and enjoy the ability to do so.

 

Having said that, I recognize that people need and desire differing degrees of "outside" engagement to attain satisfaction in life. Without more outside work or involvement, the lack of interaction with other adults can sap some women (or men) of energy, both physical and mental.

 

I simply feel like they have settled for good, when they could have had great.

 

It's wonderful that you've been fulfilled by your path. I'm also grateful to be able make the choice to stay at home, as well as to homeschool. But to be completely honest, your post ~ the line just above in particular ~ doesn't sit well with me. I see no real value in comparing ourselves to those who make different choices of employment and schooling. Maybe your "great" would be their "less than good" ~ and vice versa.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I slide into boredom and then have to fight my way back out of it.

 

I believe homeschooling is best for dc but it sure doesn't play to any of my strengths. OK that's not quite true but some days it feels like it.

 

I use this time as an opportunity to educate myself and that's great. I probably wouldn't change it but some days I dream.

[laylamcb]

I slide into boredom and then have to fight my way back out of it.

 

I believe homeschooling is best for dc but it sure doesn't play to any of my strengths. OK that's not quite true but some days it feels like it.

 

I use this time as an opportunity to educate myself and that's great. I probably wouldn't change it but some days I dream.

 

Thanks for sharing so honestly, Heather. I'm there with you on many a day, sister. Here's a hug for you: :grouphug:

[Trivium Academy]

Rather than being bored, I felt a loss of idenity. I no longer work outside the home, so who am I?

 

I agree that I struggled BIG time with this, I didn't find a new identity until I started homeschooling which is what I meant by purpose. I wasn't really bored, just wasn't embracing what could fill the void of a loss of identity.

 

I think also it is the value of a SAHM, it has diminished in so many ways culturally.

[laylamcb]

 

I'm surprised you're so stunned at the finding that people are stimulated (or not) by different things.

 

I see no real value in comparing ourselves to those who make different choices of employment and schooling. Maybe your "great" would be their "less than good" ~ and vice versa.

 

Fabulous post! Thanks for the reminder, Colleen. :001_smile:

[Jennifer3141]

I slide into boredom and then have to fight my way back out of it.

 

I believe homeschooling is best for dc but it sure doesn't play to any of my strengths. OK that's not quite true but some days it feels like it.

 

I use this time as an opportunity to educate myself and that's great. I probably wouldn't change it but some days I dream.

 

 

I agree with you, Heather.

 

I am sometimes bored with the drudgery of housework. I get bored cleaning the bathroom over and over and over again. And dishes!! Where the heck are they are coming from??

 

But I like the speed of homeschooling for myself and my kids. I like living slower most of the time. I like contemplating my garden when I want. I like reading when I want.

 

I'm in two book clubs in "real life." One of them is a classics book club so I have to stretch myself mentally to read things I might not ordinarily choose too. I discovered I love Chaim Potok but hate Wallace Stegner. I do yoga and I take classes myself. But without that mental stimulation, I'd be brain dead. Maybe homeschooling high schoolers is much more challenging mentally but preschool/kindergarten? Not so much.

 

Jen

[Happy]

 

 

It's wonderful that you've been fulfilled by your path. I'm also grateful to be able make the choice to stay at home, as well as to homeschool. But to be completely honest, your post ~ the line just above in particular ~ doesn't sit well with me. I see no real value in comparing ourselves to those who make different choices of employment and schooling. Maybe your "great" would be their "less than good" ~ and vice versa.

 

I wonder if I feel this way because I once was them. Kids in ps, working during the day (and often evening) at a career I loved. Kind of a that life is good, but there are other options. MY eyes are opened...KWIM?

 

It was a revelation to me, this conversation. I didn't know how rich my life was until I saw theirs again through my eyes.

 

I do understand what one woman I spoke with in particular was saying...I need a job, I was bored staying home....she is currently unemployed and it was interesting to introduce the idea that someone could be joyful and satisfied without a J.O.B. Her kiddoes are no longer small. She could have a different life than the one she lived back then. It was clear during the conversation that she had never considered the differences now.

 

I guess one of the things that struck me in the second conversation was these are some of the Titus 2 women of our church. I wonder if they (we) are setting a good example to the young moms who may not know they don't have to be bored as moms and wives. Almost everyone of our young moms with babies is a working mom. I wonder if it is because they don't know any different.

 

It just got me thinking about how our culture pulls and pushes us around. i think it is much, much harder to be a stay at home mom these days.

[Colleen]

I wonder if I feel this way because I once was them. Kids in ps, working during the day (and often evening) at a career I loved. Kind of a that life is good, but there are other options. MY eyes are opened...KWIM?

 

They were opened for you. But again, what opens your eyes ~ what enlivens you ~ may put someone else to sleep. It seems as if you don't want to accept the fact that the same kind of life doesn't satisfy all people.

 

 

Almost everyone of our young moms with babies is a working mom. I wonder if it is because they don't know any different. It just got me thinking about how our culture pulls and pushes us around.

 

I hear you. There's often an assumption in our modern culture that one can't possible by fulfilled by "just" staying home. I think a lot of homeschooling mothers feel a need to justify their lack of work outside the home; educating their own children provides that justification.

 

I think it is much, much harder to be a stay at home mom these days.

 

I think a woman who chooses to be a stay at a home and not homeschool is the real indepedent. I also think women in our current culture forget all the advantages they have over women just a generation or two ago: Men who tend to be more involved in caring for the home and family, and appliances, etc that make homemaking a whole heckuvva lot easier than it was in years past.

[Happy]

 

They were opened for you. But again, what opens your eyes ~ what enlivens you ~ may put someone else to sleep. It seems as if you don't want to accept the fact that the same kind of life doesn't satisfy all people.

 

 

Goodness, was I really saying that?

 

I suppose it could sound that way. I'm really not that judgemental in real life. Just the opposite, in fact.

 

I hope you also got that I was rejoicing in my own growth and feeling a lot sad that others don't get to experience the inner joy of what I've got.

 

Thank you for your comments. It's given me more to think about as I go about my day. ;)

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I miss my old income. I miss not having to clean my house. I am not domestic. I have no desire to be domestic.

 

All that is separate from the homeschooling- that I enjoy (most of the time lol). And since the homeschooling and other activities take up most of my day, boredom is not usually an issue.

 

But, if there was a school in my area that was a good fit for my dd, I would send her and go back to working again.

[Laura K (NC)]

I was never so bored as when I was working for money. It was painful, it was so boring.

 

At home I can do anything I want, really. I love to learn, so anything I learn is exciting. I've learned so much since I have the leisure to do so. Right now there's a Teaching Company DVD going on about Western Art. I was at the library this morning. I have time to practice the instruments I love, and to encourage my sons in music, and I love their music (except for the AC/DC!). I have time to cook anything and try out new recipes. I can plant all kinds of neat stuff and if the kids join me (push that shovel for me, lol) they can count it as learning. We have time to see nature. Last year my youngest had a science book that mentioned funnel weaver spiders, and I thought they were something exotic, but two days ago we noticed a funnel web near our back deck and the dead spider was nearby. I think it's cool.

 

Maybe it's a glass half-empty, glass half-full kind of attitude. I'm not always thrilled to have to handle the never-ending laundry, sweeping the dog hair and mopping up red clay footprints a few times a week, driving so much for my teenage sons' activities, and dealing with the clutter of so many large people living in the house so many hours a day, but I do love it. I have much more free time than my husband does. I can take college classes, I have a great excuse to read such great literature and to learn all kinds of things that makes me smile, I can play on the computer, and I really enjoy my boys' company (most of the time). I feel blessed... I really do. I can't imagine being bored.

[E_Edgerton]

I think that little can be accomplished in terms of comparisons. All moms are different and of course have different financial needs. I know growing up, my own mom was incredibly bored and to be honest....hated staying at home with me. She loved me of course, but she literally went from being someone's daughter to someone's wife and mother. She lived in a very isolated area and my father was working a great deal of the time, in a different town no less. As soon as I was put in daycare she got a job, her own money, and a social group. She was also a better mom. So, I guess what I am saying is I think it is a mindset, but also about the life experience you had previous to having a family. :)

[sdWTMer]

Bored as in couldn't think of anything to keep their minds and hands busy. Bored so we *had* to put the kids in childcare and go to work to fulfill ourselves.

 

I get this way sometimes; however I never put my kiddos in daycare. I think that maybe they say "bored" for lack of a better word.

 

I know for me I suffer because I'm a tad more introverted than some and require more alone time than others. It's not that I don't love my kiddos because I do! How awful it makes me feel to just need a little bit more space! Why can't I be more like you? It's harder for me to nurture. What can I say? :crying:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Whatever stimulates our minds to think deeply about the world, our place in it, God, etc. takes us away from the mundane tasks of our lives. We all have those tasks in whatever endeavors we have. General hygiene tasks are not all that exciting, neither is housework or filing or filling out a report for work or doing inventory or washing the fire truck. . . All jobs have exciting times. If you are a SAHM there are exciting moments - some are stressful (the overflowing toilet, the hurt toddler), some are pleasant (getting ready for Grandma's visit). If other jobs those exciting moments might be when your company gets the bid, or Bessie finally calves or your story goes to print. Those exciting times are what get us through the inevitable paperwork, the boring meetings, the general chores that are present in any job.

 

I like Edith Shaeffer's book "Tapestry". It taught me how I can make beauty and meaning by approaching being a SAHM in a creative, worshipful manner. It is the same with homeschooling, I think. If I just slap another worksheet in front of my child, ask another set of boring questions about grammar or reading comprehension, then homeschooling isn't so exciting. But if I mentally interact with the material or when the child is young, revel in what is happening in my child's mind, then homeschooling is exciting. Some of it probably is how we are wired, but I don't think that is all of it. Much of it is our attitude. If I really believe that homeschooling is what I am meant to do (as a Christian there is the added incentive that I believe that homeschooling is what God wants me to do), then I can choose to enter into it whole-heartedly. I can make beauty and meaning in the tapestry of my children's lives as well as my own. I can learn and teach in a creative, worshipful manner.

[GailV]

 

 

 

 

I also think women in our current culture forget all the advantages they have over women just a generation or two ago: Men who tend to be more involved in caring for the home and family, and appliances, etc that make homemaking a whole heckuvva lot easier than it was in years past.

 

I'm not sure I agree with this. There are advantages, but there are also disadvantages. More appliances create higher expectations for the finished product, not to mention higher expectations for ownership of said appliances, whether affordable or not. Also, fewer women staying home means more isolation. This generation has more of an assumption that all families have at least 2 cars, and the mom will be able to drive to wherever she needs.

 

And, of course, there's the current cultural assumption that you are defined by what you DO rather than some other factor. In some cases this may be a good thing -- there have been times and places where your identity was set by your family, for example. But, if what you DO is mother your children, and you're dismissed when that's the only work you can mention to a new acquaintance, well, that can sting some women (not all).

 

I don't think we should get caught in a massive amount of whining that we have it so much tougher than generations past, yet I don't think we can assume that it's all so much easier. And I'm thinking that you didn't mean that it's all easier now, but were just pointing out that it isn't necessarily harder, but that it's just different.

[melissel]

I know for me I suffer because I'm a tad more introverted than some and require more alone time than others. It's not that I don't love my kiddos because I do! How awful it makes me feel to just need a little bit more space! Why can't I be more like you? It's harder for me to nurture. What can I say? :crying:

 

From one introvert to another...I'm right there with you :grouphug:

[Mekanamom]

Hmmm- I know what fulfills me, but I don't go much farther than that. If another person says she needs to put her kids in daycare and get a job to fulfill herself... then I believe her.

 

Sure, staying at home can be more fulfilling than it might look like to others. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the same could probably be said about working outside of the home. Shrug.

[dangermom]

IMO being a SAHM is the most self-directed job around. It's important to have your own ideas about what you want to do--no one is going to tell you how to use your time on a daily basis. You can choose the focus of your home and your life. So yeah, if you feel that you need other people to tell you what to do and give structure to your life, you might be bored and unhappy at home.

 

This is the thing I like best about being a SAHM, and a big reason that I like homeschooling too, so it works well for me. If I wasn't homeschooling, I'd still have tons of stuff to do--I have too many ideas and not enough time.

 

I'm not sure it's really fair to complain about the drudgery of housework. I don't like housework--I am in fact pretty bad at it--but a) most people have to take care of their homes whether they work or not and b) all jobs feature drudgery. You're telling me that working in an office never involves repetitive, boring work? Being a factory worker is so great? Most of us don't get to be high-powered lawyers, and anyway even that has icky bits.

 

I'm a librarian, and I do work a few days a month. I'd rather scrub toilets than deal with some of the interesting people I talk to at the reference desk--I love being a librarian, but there is a downside in the high number of mentally unstable people who hang out at libraries. (One woman handed me a live maggot in a handful of change from her pocket. :ack2: Yay for my own homey toilets!)

 

Anyway. I feel very lucky to get to be at home. It's not for everyone. But a little imagination goes a long way, and as jobs go I think it's one of the better ones. Especially for us contrarians.

[Carol in Cal.]

But, I had already had a career. I had already travelled quite a bit. I already had interests.

 

For myself, if I had had children during my 20's and stayed home, I would have been a terrible mom. I would have been regretful, resentful, and probably depressed.

 

I am older than many of you, and I grew up with the 'problem that has no name' housewives. They were, by and large, not happy. Many of them were depressed to the point of being borderline non-functional. I only ever heard them complain about it. I was basically raised to believe that SAH parenting was a bad fate, entrapping and frustrating, full of drudgery and demeaning repetitiveness.

 

I have to say that it was a surprise to me than I liked it so much. Having thought about it a lot in advance, though, I knew to look for outlets and to make sure that those things didn't happen. Also, and this is key, I had saved up for it for quite a while and although I was extremely frugal, that was less necessary in my case than it had been for those housewives of my youth.

 

The WOH sentiment that you heard expressed is the conventional wisdom of a large part of our basically schitzophrenic about women modern American culture. I think that most men, even those who have SAH wives, feel the same way--they just think that women are wired differently not to feel that way. And informally I think that about half of the women I know feel that way as well. I had to really seek out women who liked their children and who liked staying at home when I was pregnant. They were very hard to find.

[Colleen]

There are advantages, but there are also disadvantages.

 

Of course.:) I didn't say there were no disadvantages. I pointed out, ni response to the sentiment that stay-at-home moms now have it much harder, that we tend to forget the advantages.

 

More appliances create higher expectations for the finished product

 

Mmm, no, I can't agree with you there. In the realm of cooking, for example, I don't think the expectations are any higher simply because there are an array of kitchen implements now at our disposal.

 

Also, fewer women staying home means more isolation.

 

I don't know about that. Most of the stay-at-home mothers I know ~ I'm speaking of women whose children are in school ~ are so involved in a myriad of activities, isolation isn't an issue. I imagine much depends on where the person lives, what resources are available, and so on.

 

I don't think we should get caught in a massive amount of whining that we have it so much tougher than generations past, yet I don't think we can assume that it's all so much easier. And I'm thinking that you didn't mean that it's all easier now, but were just pointing out that it isn't necessarily harder, but that it's just different.

 

Yes, it's different; as you say, advantages and disadvantages.:)

[GailV]

Mmm, no, I can't agree with you there. In the realm of cooking, for example, I don't think the expectations are any higher simply because there are an array of kitchen implements now at our disposal.

 

Actually I was thinking of vacuum cleaners and ever-cleverer washing machines. Things need to be cleaner, and cleaned more often, because we can. Oh, and the electric lights give us more time and brighter light in which to see the dust. But you could probably argue the cooking point back and forth -- once upon a time people were thankful to get edible food on the table, now we often expect a little more variety.

 

Yes, it's different; as you say, advantages and disadvantages.:)

 

LOL, yes, we could all argue all day back and forth -- THIS is an advantage and THAT is a disadvantage. But I think we are in accord that, overall, it's a mixed bag.

 

I find myself drawing up short and wondering what the heck my point was, spending time and energy figuring such things out -- does it matter? Does it change the quality of anyone's life? What action stems from this that will help my neighbor? In the end, how can I help a mom who feels bored and "stuck"? Sure, understanding how she feels and why she feels it helps, but then what do I *do* with this information?

[Danestress]

My husband is no less intelligent or less of a reader than I am. He has more hobbies, and they are really good hobbies - like learning to paint, which he has doing amazingly well as an untrained adult. He's a very interesting and interested person.

 

But he would be bored staying home with young children. It's not that he couldn't think of things to do, but let's face it, when you have two year old twins, you aren't studying french or oil painting most of the day. You are strapping people into and out of car seats, making meals, cleaning up messes, potty training, doing laundry, tidying up ..... And he would be bored and exhausted pretty quickly. I know this, because when I periodically left him with them, he was pretty darn glad to see me come back in town:)

 

I do love homeschooling, and now that my youngest boys are in fifth grade, I have enough mental challenge that I am honestly never bored. And I wasn't bored when they were small either - I really loved having babies and toddlers. But my DH isn't less of a loving parent then me. He was just made differently.

 

My husband and all of my BILs had working Moms, and none of them is the worse off for it as far as I can tell. I've never seen any study that really convinced me that working Moms are "bad" for children. Just different.

 

For myself, I want to be a SAHM. Because I absolutely love it and wouldn't want to miss a minute of it. But I don't think women who feel differently are all that surprising. Different strokes.

[gardenschooler]

I know some sort of gainful employment is in my future. Sort of suffocates me because I know it will cramp my schedule and I won't have time for all the *real* things I want to accomplish, like learning French fluently or understanding more about horticulture. ;)

 

You sound a lot like me. I relished the idea that by staying home, I would finally have time to read and learn what I wanted to. I had no intention of homeschooling, and wasn't even familiar with the concept. I was just thrilled to finally be able to educate myself a little bit, in my own time, on my own terms.

 

I hope my fate isn't the same as yours (gainful employment - such a time-consuming thing!), but it more than likely is. Staying home has been by far the best season of my life, and I don't ever want it to end.

 

I can't imagine being bored. I simply feel like they have settled for good, when they could have had great.

 

People are wired differently, that is true. What seems like an endless vacation to us is torment to others. I think it has less to do with self-education and the like than it does with just personality - some people really do feel drained by staying home for long periods of time, mostly alone. It doesn't mean they're any better or less, just that they need the basis of their days to be structured differently, and maybe involve something more 'connecting', kwim?

[sweetbaby]

Great post! I agree. I'm never bored. Before homeschooling, I worked part-time as a registered nurse so that I could be home with my dc more. But homeschooling has shed a different perspective of my roll as a wife and mother. I value our time and relationships so much more now that I am actually home in comparison to when I was working.

[TravelingChris]

I have been home with the children and not employed, not at school for 14 years. I have 7 more years of homeschooling to go (or maybe just six). I will not be going back to employment most probably. I might, if my diseases get better, teach at Community college a class or two. Most likely, I will not be employed. I have so many plans for what I will do-- become a Master Gardener, help at a military base if one is near where I live, volunteer at the local library, continue being in book clubs, take cooking classes, get more active at church, etc, etc. My dh is getting promoted soon so I know I probably have at least 3 more years in the military. I have too many interests and books to read to get bored. I have too many movies to see, music to hear, plants to grow, cookies to bake, etc, etc. Homeschooling is what is best for my children but it is only one of my many interests.

[Carrie12345]

I've been staying home for 6 years now, and I have about 17 years before my youngest "graduates" (whatever form that may take).

 

Before homeschooling, I was kind of bored. Right now, I'm absolutely never bored. I find myself trying to stay up late to do things, or heading to bed early, eager for the next day.

 

Now, if I were to say that in front of my 10-years-younger self, I'd slap myself silly, lol.

 

I don't know for sure what I'll say in 10 more years, but I have a feeling I'll be too busy to think about it!

[Jenny in Atl]

I think I might have ended up being bored if I had not become part of LLL very early on in my mothering career. I was never alone from the start. I had this instant extended family of like minded (in so far as parenting went) women and men. I was able to exercise my brain by supporting other women and working towards a "cause", one which I still believe in. If I had been isolated, devoid of any social outlet, I could see feeling very differently.

 

That said, I've known women who even with lots of social outlets, still do not feel good about being home w/o any outside career. I personally don't understand not wanting to be with your child/children, at least while they are little, but as Colleen said, we are not all wired the same.

[Nestof3]

You know, my mom didn't go to work until I was in the 9th grade. I don't remember her ever having time to be bored. I think so many women today rely on pre-made boxed meals and store-bought cookies and such. Mom mom made most everything from scratch, baked her own goodies, etc. She also kept a very clean house, refinished furniture, built furniture, made strawberry jam, canned pickles, had a garden, made our Halloween costumes, had the neighborhood ladies over for coffee and cookies when we all went off to school, allowed my brother's 10 friends to come over every day after school to breakdance, skateboard and eat up all of her goodies and so on. She was room mother at school and den mother at scouts. She built us backyard forts out of wood and plexiglass windows.

 

I think many women are keeping sloppier houses and many women are relying on prepackaged meals. Eventhough my mom bought her share of premade things (usually fun stuff for us like tatter tots and pop tarts), she still did a lot of her own cooking.

 

Funny, my mom never reads anything and couldn't care less about "educational" things. She was brought up during hard times on very little money by an alcoholic dad, a mother who died from leukemia when she was 12, and with 2 sisters (one who practically raised her) and 4 brothers. Pretty amazing when I think of it. She has always found things to do -- right now she has been building a dollhouse kit, making her own trim, curtain rods, and flower boxes out of wood.

 

I know that regardless of why my current "job" in life is, I just am not a person that could be bored. I have seriously NEVER in my life been bored.

[Danestress]

Some women (wonderful wives and mothers, even) would suffer some boredom if the expectation were that they cook daily from scratch, serve as room mom, can pickles, make jam and do all the other things that your Mom did. Those are all great things to do if they feed your heart, but if they feel like a burden, they aren't really required. For some, they are very satisfying. For others, they are an unnecessary drain on time.

 

I really think the problem with boredom is a problem with not living out of our souls, and I think this is true for men and women. As we get older, we fit more and more into the "musts" and we totally lose sight of what gives our hearts real satisfaction. We can get caught up trying to prove what perfect mothers we are (or for men, trying to prove what great Dads and providers and pillars of society they are) and get caught up burning time in volunteer work, making more and more money, doing "impressive" ministries, making our houses (and meals) perfect, or trying to please the world. And we can lose ourselves and our connection to God's purpose for us.

 

 

I think that's part of what it means to "guard our heart" understanding that our hearts are the "wellspring" of life. There are some things in my life that are necessary "servant" jobs. I cook and clean and do laundry because they are my job. And I do get satisfaction from doing them well. But heck YES I will serve a "convenience" meal so that I can take an afternoon hike on a lovely day. Because it brings me real joy. And I will definitely buy premade jellies and jam and pickles because I like to read. And while my husband works very hard, he finds time to paint several nights a week because it makes him deeply happy.

 

I agree that modern conveniences (and laziness!) can lead to boredom, but don't you think that's true for people who don't know how to really live from the heart? If you don't know what you would enjoy doing with the freed up time and so you end up watching Oprah everyday, yeah, you are going to be bored. But if you capture that time and use it for something that gives real satisfaction, then those conveniences become a boon.

[Laura Corin]

I know I was bored just as a SAHM, I enjoy life as a SAHM/homeschooler much more. :)

 

Part of it is that I find small children less interesting than bigger ones. I'm really enjoying my kids right now, including my increasingly moody 11yo.

 

Laura

[Kris]

I was bored when I stayed home 24/7, but we were isolated, had no money for activities or field trips (and often no car), and the financial pressures were terrible. I need mental stimulation that I don't get from staying home.

 

I need more than homeschooling and housewifing. It took me a long time to admit that. However, I am trying to find a balance!

 

This sounds pretty familiar. I'm not a natural-born SAHM and I don't think I'm very good at it. As a matter of fact, when I read the posts here, I am *sure* of it. But, it's the way it worked out, and I can't say I'm unhappy -- I just wish I were more adept.

[mcconnellboys]

"I think, therefore, I'm never bored."

 

And there, I think, you have it. So many folks sort of drift through life without ever thinking at all..... The world is full of nothing but possibilities. It makes me nuts to hear any person ever say, "I'm bored"...... It just seems selfish and egotistical and, well, down-right lazy to me.