clarkacademy Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 My son took his xbox remote to a friends house. The cords are identical, they are wireless so the cords come off. I couldn't find my permanent marker so I scratched the sticker off on the side of the cord piece so we would know which one is ours. Fast forward low and behold my son still brings the wrong cord home. It doesn't work on our controller. I just talked to the mom who is basically saying her kid said the cord they have is theirs and she isn't trading back???? Even though this ha a perfect sticker and ours is scratched she says her kids know their stuff?? What do I do here? I consider her a friend, the kids are best friends. My son is now saying the whole reason he took the remote there in the first place is because friends remote didn't work. Well I guess it was the cord that didn't work and now they have laid claim to ours..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 How much does a replacement cord cost? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 How much does a replacement cord cost? I have no idea. My son said you cannot buy them you have to buy a whole new remote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I'd buy a new cord. Tell kid never take a thing to that family's house again. I wouldn't forbid kid from spending time with them, but I would let my child know that cannot trust some people. In the future if dc wanted to share something at someone else's house (never again at this house), I'd show the parent whatever marking you put on the thing when I dropped off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 I looked and the cord don't cost very much but I mean it is ours and I know it is. This really upsets me. My son was wrong by the way you can buy just a cord Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 If buying a new cord requires buying a new set of remotes and that is not a trivial cost, I'd probably tell ds it might be a while before he could have the new remote or I might consider having ds work for part of it. I know that sounds like punishment, but the cord was his responsibility. If he hangs around with people he can't trust and has to work off something lost because of untrustworthy behavior he will be more watchful of the ethics of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I think they do sell just the cords for $20 or so. Imo, fwiw...Think very hard before allowing ds to take anything over there in the future. The history you mention of their problem before with the charging would bother me. Otherwise it wouldn't bother me, but the fact that the one they had didn't work and now the one you have isn't would leave me feeling like they set ds up to be cheated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Really I'd think about limiting contact. Now, that I've reread, it seems like these kids knew exactly what they were doing in switching the cords. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Either make a stink or let it go. Which works best for the future relationship? Try to imagine outcomes. What would happen if you did this: Go over to your friends' house with the cord, show the cord to the mom--tell her you scratched YOUR cord's sticker. Have her get it and show the scratched sticker. If she says I know it's ours, then ask her if she really thinks your son would notice a scratched sticker on her cord unless you told him you did that to mark your cord...Maybe you can help her see how unlikely that is. If she won't budge, share your disappointment that she's being so difficult and leave. Then don't go back and kids can't play together anymore, because you don't like to be treated like an idiot, and you don't want your kid around difficult and dishonest people. Now that you've imagined that, how do you feel? Would that work for you? Now imagine something else: You buy a new cord. You tell your son some people are blind to evidence. You tell him he may not share with this child but can still play. You let it go. How do you feel at the end of that? Would that work for you? Walk yourself thru various scenarios and outcomes until you find one you could live with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 How old is your son?? If he is teen (11+ maybe depending on maturity) I would have DS handle it: take the other boy's cord back over to him and say "hey, my mom is upset I didn't get the right cord back, so let's put them back (or the like).", pick up his cord and give him back the correct cord. (assuming he lived nearby.....). If the other kids refuses (sounds like he might since now his remote works) then DS has learned a BIG lesson about what type of friend he is.... If he is younger, well not sure how to handle it, other than ignore her telephone comments and next time you go over there to drop DS off, bring the cord and insist on trading right there and then.... But I would think that this might be a sign to cut back on the friendship. Not because of the cost, but because of the trust level.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 If you've already said it's yours and that the mom can verify that it is by checking the sticker, yet she still denies it's yours, I'm not sure what else you can do but get a new cord. If she actually checked instead of just taking her son's word for it, she has to know that it's yours. Why would someone make that up, and how would you even know about the scratched-off sticker if you hadn't done it? I wouldn't end a friendship over this one incident, but I would be pretty irked at the dishonest behavior by both of them. I definitely wouldn't let DS take any of his stuff there again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I would be upset, too. If this is your son's good friend, I would let it go and buy a new cord. Never again would he be allowed to take any equipment over to their house. Even if they aren't really good friends, I would be hesitant to make a big deal out of it - mostly because I am so non-confrontational. In any event, son would not be taking our property to their house, and I would keep an eye on it if friend brought his stuff to your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Either make a stink or let it go. Which works best for the future relationship? Try to imagine outcomes. What would happen if you did this: Go over to your friends' house with the cord, show the cord to the mom--tell her you scratched YOUR cord's sticker. Have her get it and show the scratched sticker. If she says I know it's ours, then ask her if she really thinks your son would notice a scratched sticker on her cord unless you told him you did that to mark your cord...Maybe you can help her see how unlikely that is. If she won't budge, share your disappointment that she's being so difficult and leave. Then don't go back and kids can't play together anymore, because you don't like to be treated like an idiot, and you don't want your kid around difficult and dishonest people. Now that you've imagined that, how do you feel? Would that work for you? Now imagine something else: You buy a new cord. You tell your son some people are blind to evidence. You tell him he may not share with this child but can still play. You let it go. How do you feel at the end of that? Would that work for you? Walk yourself thru various scenarios and outcomes until you find one you could live with. I think this is very good advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I'd buy a new cord and eventually contact would probably diminish with that family as they are not trustworthy people. I'm not saying that it would end abruptly, but now that the seed of distrust is planted, it's there, unfortunately. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I would blame the kid and not his mom. It is not unusual for moms to (wrongly) believe their kids would not steal and lie. Probably most of us have trusted our kids too much at times. I would not make this a hill to die on, but I would have a talk with my kid about what kind of "friend" steals your stuff. I would make my kid pay at least part of the cost of the new wire, or at least wait a while for it to fit in my budget, because he needs to learn something from this experience, even though it isn't his fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 Well her son wound up bringing our cord home but now the whole situation is just there. I mean I am really upset because I guess the older sister got nasty with my kids when they were outside. I knew it was ours and I am angry that she just blew me off totally. Now she just texted to work out tonight and no mention of the cord or an apology and I know it is childish but I am still angry. I guess I will go see if she brings it up any Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 We had something very similar happen, except my child didn't bring anything home so there was no doubt it was left at his friend's house. These were good friends, both parents and kids. After asking, I let it go and made DS buy a new cord with his own funds. He was very upset for awhile, but still played with his friend. To me, it wasn't worth losing the friendship. However, every time DS asks to bring anything anywhere, I say, "Remember the time...?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I agree it is probably an issue with the kid and not the mom. If I were the mom I can imagine my son swearing up and down about it. What can I do? If I don't know then he might convince me. KWIM? But surely she knew that one of their cords didn't work, right? And now it magically does? I assume I would know if something didn't work, just because my kids would complain about it to me. Anyway, I'm with everyone else. I wouldn't make a thing out of it, but I would talk to my kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Well her son wound up bringing our cord home but now the whole situation is just there. I mean I am really upset because I guess the older sister got nasty with my kids when they were outside. I knew it was ours and I am angry that she just blew me off totally. Now she just texted to work out tonight and no mention of the cord or an apology and I know it is childish but I am still angry. I guess I will go see if she brings it up any Sounds to me like the mom defended her son, assuming he was telling the truth about the cord, but once she found out that he'd lied, she made him give the correct cord back to your ds. Now she's probably embarrassed about it, but doesn't want to get into a big discussion, so she's hoping the two of you can get back to "business as usual" and go work out together. If you like her, I think you should go, and not say a word about the cord. It's over. Your ds got his cord back. All is well -- although your ds needs to think about whether or not he wants to be friends with a kid who intentionally stole from him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Edit due to update. I would have said in the original conversation, "let me get this straight, you believe your child over me, an adult, that . you . know. I purposefully marked ours. You are basically taking our cord." I would also be wary of a kid who lied to their parents and basically stole your working cord. She might be hoping to apologize when she sees you in person. I would probably wouldn't limit contact, but might be careful about how much you allow in the future. Especially since the older sister was nasty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Really, adults never lie? They are always right? We should always believe them? Yikes... Well, if one the moms I am very friendly with (and trust enough to leave my kids with), called and told me something counter to what my child had said I would tell her I was going to dig into it and get back to her. I would be double and triple checking my son's story. I think pp who said the mom might be embarrassed and trying to gloss over it might be on to something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I just severely dislike the sentiment that kids are always the ones lying. I agree. It is the equally irritating flip side of the idea that someone's precious darling can do no wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 Well it wasn't mentioned so I am just gonna let it go and not let the kids take anything there again. I really didn't want a neighborhood war over a cord. So I guess I will just have to watch things better in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 well, you know something you didn't know before. but the things you do know, like "people aren't perfect", "people aren't all bad or all good", etc, still hold true. in the "we can only fix ourselves" department, i would work on "why did this trouble me so much"? fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 well, you know something you didn't know before. but the things you do know, like "people aren't perfect", "people aren't all bad or all good", etc, still hold true. in the "we can only fix ourselves" department, i would work on "why did this trouble me so much"? fwiw, ann I know exactly why. Because she is my friend. Our kids are friends. They sleep at each others houses, we work out every night together and I love her kids and our families have gotten very close and it just shocked me that she totally dismissed me like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Really, adults never lie? They are always right? We should always believe them? Yikes... Not saying we should always believe adults over kids. And that wasn't really the situation. The OP told her that she had marked the cord so that the kids could them them apart. Logically, the OP wouldn't have known one cord had the tag scratched off it was the neighbor's cord. Yikes, yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I would be upset but let it go and wouldn't bring it up to her again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 The son steals and the older sister was nasty to your kids...I would be monitoring the situation and make sure tbese kids are suitable friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathkath Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 You can get a used replacement cheaper at GameStop, I'd let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Sounds to me like the mom defended her son, assuming he was telling the truth about the cord, but once she found out that he'd lied, she made him give the correct cord back to your ds. Now she's probably embarrassed about it, but doesn't want to get into a big discussion, so she's hoping the two of you can get back to "business as usual" and go work out together. If you like her, I think you should go, and not say a word about the cord. It's over. Your ds got his cord back. All is well -- although your ds needs to think about whether or not he wants to be friends with a kid who intentionally stole from him. I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Edit due to update. I would have said in the original conversation, "let me get this straight, you believe your child over me, an adult, that . you . know.". FWIW, I absolutely do believe my child over most adults. I trust my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I was going to vote to let this relationship die. There is no reason I would ever want my kid hanging out with a thief. But after reading the post about how close the families are, I can see the dilemma. Nonetheless, this is a kiddo who steals and a mom who condones it. It might be $20 today, but your credit card tomorrow. My vote remains, but it now comes with a big hug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Let him go again and have him swap it back when they are in the bathroom. Then see if the other mom calls and you have the same conversation in reverse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Well her son wound up bringing our cord home but now the whole situation is just there. I mean I am really upset because I guess the older sister got nasty with my kids when they were outside. I knew it was ours and I am angry that she just blew me off totally. Now she just texted to work out tonight and no mention of the cord or an apology and I know it is childish but I am still angry. I guess I will go see if she brings it up any Sorry, I didn't see the update. Well did this kid take the other cord back? Or did he somehow *sense* that it might be broken? Wondering if your friend is going to say anything or this will just die a merciful death. Anyway I'd keep the friendship but be cautious about bringing stuff over anymore! Hopefully the other family has a discussion amongst themselves that will prevent things like this from happening. I would definitely be forgiving of mind but watchful of stuff. I wouldn't limit contact over this one incident unless you see some sort of negative pattern developing. Kids make mistakes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I don't think kids are more likely than adults to lie, but I also don't think "my" kid is less likely to lie/steal than another average random kid. I wish I could honestly say such a thing, but that would be a lie. ;) Kids have minds of their own, for better or worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'd eat the cost of the cord and use unambiguous marks or labels in future. Lesson learned. As for the friendship... you have to go with what's comfortable for you wrt the mother, but I'd let my child make up their mind about their own relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I tend to agree with Roy Rogers - the mom probably didn't realize it was a cord that worked vs. one that didn't work. Of course I can't read anyone's mind, but I could see someone thinking "who cares, both cords are the same." I could also see a kid not telling his mom his cord didn't work - especially if he thought maybe he had done something to break it, or if he felt it unlikely that he'd get another cord any time soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'd eat the cost of the cord and use unambiguous marks or labels in future. Lesson learned. As for the friendship... you have to go with what's comfortable for you wrt the mother, but I'd let my child make up their mind about their own relationships. Yes - we mark anything that might go out of the house, and which we don't want to lose, very clearly. Especially game-related stuff. But I'm wondering about the boys' friendship. A few years go we had a family we were quite close friends with. The parents and some of the kids were very compatible. But my son and their boy about his age were not. It took us a while to clue into that fact because the rest of the family enjoyed each other so much. I could see that boy being sneaky about a cord. Actually as I'm doing this I remember an incident with a "loaned" xbox game that never came back to our house. (My kid has his own faults but so far sneakiness doesn't seem to be one of them.) Anyway, we reached a point that the boys never got together except during family events, at which they tolerated but did not enjoy each other. And since then the family has moved away. I have come across many parents who have friendships with other parents and thus think the kids are compatible, or should be. Obviously this might not be the case in your situation. Just throwing it out there. It can make the parents' friendship complicated if the kids don't get along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I would have said in the original conversation, "let me get this straight, you believe your child over me, an adult, that . you . know. When I was a teenager, I and a couple of friends had a sleepover at my best friends house. My family had known her family for 7 or 8 years by that point, and while the adults wern't close, my mum knew her mum pretty well and would be in a position to trust her. This was a mixed gender group. Apparently, Best Friend, also female, was told we were all to sleep in the loungeroom, due to the mixed genders. Unfortunately no one else was told that by either the parents or the best friend. We ended up going into her room where we could chat more loudly without waking her parents, and eventually fell asleep in there. One boy slept on the bed beside her, however he stayed above the covers. Me and another boy slept on the floor, sharing the only pillow in the room (we hadn't intended to fall asleep when we layed down on it originally, we were just chatting, they layed on the comfy bed without a pillow and we got the pillow, we were just hanging out, in a room which was far enough away not to bother her mum and dad, and accidentally fell asleep as it got late.) Absolutely nothing happened, at all. No, the situation wasn't ideal, yes, we learnt from the incident that things can look bad even when they're innocent, and yes, we used this situation to learn from and were more careful during future sleepovers, including keeping a seperate boys and girls tent when we went camping a year or so later. But the situation was, indeed, completely innocent and developed mostly from naivety. The other threee were virgins and I was... complicated, due to long term sexual abuse (3 of us, including me, were intending to wait until marriage. The parents were aware of our christian faith and strong convictions) Best friends mum walks in in the morning, sees us, and flips out. Kicks us all out of the house, etc. We talk about what happened, make sense of the situation, learn our lesson. Best friend and the other boy on the bed go back to apologise to her mother and explain while I and the other male friend go to his place and his mum drops me off home (she is not christian, and WAY more relaxed. she wouldn't have cared if anything HAD happened) That evening, best friends mum calls all the parents, including mine, and tells them we were having sex, she walked in on us and saw it, claims male friend was naked in bed beside my friend, etc. Outright lies, she saw nothing except 4 teenagers, 3 of whom were well known in the community for strong faith and convictions, asleep in a vaguely, possibly compromising situation, fully clothed and reasonably distant from each other. I get it, as a parent I understand now what happened, but she lied completely to the parents by claiming she walked in during sex and that anyone was, at any time, naked. The point of this story is that, there would have been a LOT of trouble caused by beleiving this adult above us kids. Thankfully all the adults beleived our story, and we were never allowed to sleep over at best friends house again. If I have no evidence other than a childs word against an adults, I will absolutely beleive my child and live with the concequences. I won't judge and punish a child based on one adults word. I have seen the sorts of lies school teachers often tell parents too, and they cause all sorts of issues. Adults can lie for their own purposes (best friends mum's purpose is that she beleived we had corrupted her daughter and wanted payback and to punish us. Funnily enough, her daughter was actually the first to lose her virginity not long afterwards) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 The point of this story is that, there would have been a LOT of trouble caused by beleiving this adult above us kids. Thankfully all the adults beleived our story, and we were never allowed to sleep over at best friends house again. If I have no evidence other than a childs word against an adults, I will absolutely beleive my child and live with the concequences. I won't judge and punish a child based on one adults word. I have seen the sorts of lies school teachers often tell parents too, and they cause all sorts of issues. Adults can lie for their own purposes (best friends mum's purpose is that she beleived we had corrupted her daughter and wanted payback and to punish us. Funnily enough, her daughter was actually the first to lose her virginity not long afterwards) I think in the OP's case, though, the mom didn't have to believe or disbelieve; she could have just asked to look at the wire and see if the tag was scraped as described. In other words, there was evidence as opposed to just having to trust one person over another. There are many times when I'm not sure whether my kids are telling the truth. I would not punish if I wasn't sure, but I would try to investigate and/or look for a neutral position if possible. I do think damage is done when parents are too willing to believe their kids are perfect angels. Obviously there are also times when other kids' parents falsely accuse. That has happened in my family (my siblings) multiple times, and I know for sure because the accuser eventually recanted. It's hurtful and I'm thankful that my parents were careful about how they reacted - mostly because the alleged behavior was so out-of-character. In one case, it was an accusation of a 17yo beating a 10yo with a metal pipe. In another case it was an accusation of rape. Those were the worst, but there were others. In each case the other parents' kids told a whopper and the parent was all too willing to believe his/her child was truthful/innocent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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