Local district in my area limiting parent visits for lunch and parties

[acurtis75]

This article is about a district very near me.

 

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/local&id=9258373

 

Here's a short summary for those who don't want to read the whole thing. The elementary school says that they have too many visitors during the day so they are placing a limit on the number of parties and lunches that parents can attend per year and the number of parents (3) that can be present for each classroom party. I estimate there are about 25 to 30 kids per classroom. This is a relatively affluent district with lots of stay at home moms and invoved grandparents so the decision is not going over too well. Apparently lots of parents and grandparents were visiting their kids for lunch.

 

I thought parent involvement in school was considered a good thing by most school administrators so I'm really surprised by this. Is this common in others areas?

[amo_mea_filiis.]

In the 2 school districts my kids went to, parents were not allowed to join them for lunch.

[Annie G]

I'd support having parents or grandparents come share lunch with a kid a couple of times a year but I can't imagine the nightmare of having 60+ people showing up every single day at lunchtime. Those people have to sign in at the office and get guest passes...the lunchroom staff has to prepare food for them, the already crowded lunchroom has to make even more room...and so on. 

 

In our area, kids only get one party a year, almost always either at Halloween or Christmas.  And they are limited to the last 30 minutes of the school day. So it's not something that really attracts a lot of parents anyway. 

 

I understand parents wanting to be involved, and some schools do a really good job of including parents. My nephew's school has a guest reader twice a week. A parent or grandparent comes in and reads to the class, giving the teacher a half hour to grade papers, organize an activity, or whatever. And it lets the kid show off the grandparent or parent.  Interestingly enough, that's always done right after lunch so the guest reader shows up early and has lunch with the student.  

 

 

[bettyandbob]

In some affluent schools, parents take school involvement to a destructive level. It only takes one or two out of line parents for a rules to be changed which everyone, because a black and white line must be drawn that prevents the problem parent from overstepping boundaries. Unfortunately, excluding problem parents means excluding everyone else too. 

 

Aside from problem parents, having a lot of parents who are not involved in a specific task,  in the building in general can be disruptive to a school day. I can  understand a limit. If a parent has a volunteer job in the library, or is laminating materials for the classroom teacher that is very helpful. A large group of parents gossiping in the back of a classroom during a party is not helpful (I've seen this many times). If you come to the party, you serve the kids and only a few parents are needed to serve the kids. A parent rifles through the teacher's desk is not helpful (this happens all the time when random parents are permitted in the building). Unfortunately, specific rules are needed because there are parents who just do things that are totally innappropriate. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

When I was an elementary student several decades ago your Mommy only came to have lunch with you on your birthday. Plus there was Grandparents' Day. Otherwise there were not parents in the lunchroom.

[acurtis75]

In the 2 school districts my kids went to, parents were not allowed to join them for lunch.

That's interesting. It is pretty common practice around here and has been for as long as I can remember. Of course it is mostly only lower elementary students who have parents visit. They aren't really allowed to socialize during lunch so they don't care if mom and dad show up and eat with them.

[acurtis75]

 

I'd support having parents or grandparents come share lunch with a kid a couple of times a year but I can't imagine the nightmare of having 60+ people showing up every single day at lunchtime. Those people have to sign in at the office and get guest passes...the lunchroom staff has to prepare food for them, the already crowded lunchroom has to make even more room...and so on.

 

 

 

I'm a little suspicious or the 60 plus people a day. I bet that is more of a special occasion number like grandparents day which is a regular event here.

 

I'm a little out of touch now since I homeschool but classes only have several parties a year and I think that is the limit that the parents on Facebook seem to be upset about since there is a per classroom limit. One mom mentioned that she has been volunteering for every party for 2 years straight and is never one of the 3 selected and is therefore not allowed to attend. She has triplets in the same class,

[Annie G]

Yeah I was thinking that 60 parents a day showing up seems like a HUGE number.  I'm guessing the teachers are behind this, as they're probably growing weary of the parents being pushy about parties. Probably one or two parents per class take control and that annoys the other parents. 

 

Of course I kind of find that funny anyway because when our kids were little and weekend birthday parties were the norm, parents dropped their kids and bolted as quickly as possible, eager to have a couple of kid-free hours to themselves on a Saturday afternoon. 

[TechWife]

It's my experience that schools only say they want you to be involved. Or perhaps, they just want you to be involved on their terms. You know, teaching them what they need to know in order to do their homework. Giving up family time in order to do homework. Spending large amounts of money on expensive calculators that aren't really needed. Coming to meetings where they can blame the parents for everything their child is doing wrong. That sort of thing. 

 

Personally, if someone told me I could not see my kid for whatever reason, I'd withdraw my kid from whatever program it was immediately. 

[MomtoCandJ]

My dd's school has a volunteer sign up sheet. They like one volunteer a day to help with before lunch recess and lunch. You can also sign up for specific class room positions, consessions for sports, field trips, setting for school events and other such things. Teachers like to rotate who helps in the classroom so there are no favorites.

[Carrie12345]

The idea of parents visiting students during the school day is foreign to me, from both my own experience, and as a K-4th parent.

 

When ds was in K, I volunteered as much as I could, but I had a volunteer job to do. And I helped at a handful of parties when he was in 1st. It was never a *visit with my kid*.

 

And, beyond 1st grade, there were few reasons to volunteer. (Selected room moms did most of the dirty work.) Definitely no "Mommy and Me" time.

[zoobie]

I can see 60 parents showing up at lunch. Some people on my FB feed seem to go once a week. One brings fast food to her kid which has got to be disruptive. The kids only have what, 20 minutes to eat? And parties, yes. Some classes have no helpers and other teachers could set up cage matches to determine who gets the coveted Room Mom title. One of my friends got named Room Mom with a congratulations email. She was properly befuddled... Then realized she needed to watch her back because another mom would show up and kept emailing the PTA that Friend wasn't doing her job well and she could do it better... It was an all out coup attempt!

[Lilaclady]

To me, parent being involved means parent helping out in the class, helping the teacher make copies, getting supplies etc so the teacher can spend more time teaching and less wasted time. Parents going in to have lunch with kids is not helping the teachers or the the students in any way that I can see.

[Annie G]

...and the cage match comment caused me to choke on my popcorn!!

[Arcadia]

My school district goes by volunteer sign up sheet. No parent allowed on campus. If a child forgot something, the parent/grandparent/caregiver just leave it with the school secretary and an admin staff would bring the item to the student. They allow six parent chaperone per class (30 kids) per school field trip so that there weren't be too many chaperones. Birthday parties are allowed only for kindergarten as it is very disruptive. After there was a school lockdown at a neighborhood school, the rules became tighter.

[Carrie12345]

To me, parent being involved means parent helping out in the class, helping the teacher make copies, getting supplies etc so the teacher can spend more time teaching and less wasted time. Parents going in to have lunch with kids is not helping the teachers or the the students in any way that I can see.

Yup.

And being involved in homework, attending Back to School nights, evening performances, fundraisers, special events... being an active part of the community of parents, teachers, and students... outside of the 10,000 things teachers and staff have to shove into the day.

[Bootsie]

At the PS my kids attended, parents had lunch with their kids--some parents on a DAILY basis.  These parents often brought lunch to their kids--McDonald's happy meals, pizza, etc. They would even bring some to share with their kids' friends.  Having 60 parents on a given day would have been a slow day!  And it wasn't only parents--grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings who could leave high school during lunch, etc.

 

A number of problems occurred:  a parent would bring pizza or another treat for their kid and several other children to share at lunch to encourage their child's popularity with certain groups of kids; divorced parents would both show up at lunch on the same day, etc.

 

Twenty or more students in the class would have a birthday party during the school day (this often meant pizza, cake, ice cream, a special craft, and games organized by the child's parent).  Add to that the teacher's birthday, the teacher's aide's birthday, the music teacher's birthday, the librarian's birthday, Halloween, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, Cinco de Mayo, the day after standardized testing, the list went on and on.  There were weeks in which a party happened every day at school.  It was really out of control and I often wondered how any teaching and learning was happening.

[Mena]

I've actually never heard of parents joining their kids for lunch at school - I'll have to ask around to see if this happens in our area. I went to an all-girls school for elementary, where we weren't allowed to speak or get up from our desks for the first 15 minutes of lunch, so it's funny to imagine my father coming to have lunch with me. :)

[TechWife]

When my son was in private school, I went to eat lunch with him about every three weeks or so. He needed the break from the classroom and we could go anywhere on the campus as long as he was with me. We would eat outside, on couches in seating areas, sometimes in the classroom, etc. 

 

My mom would occasionally eat with me when I was in elementary school. 

[redsquirrel]

if my kid was in a school, I would want to know if some adult I didn't know was sitting and having lunch with the kids. Is it being supervised? These people are not school personnel. I am not sure I would like that.

[Lisbeth]

I am so grateful for homeschooling. My lunchtime with my kids can happen daily without local gov interference, and we can make it together, and spend longer than 20 minutes. Plus, school cafeterias all have that icky smell. ;) Don't even get me started on the numerous potentially fatal mistakes I intercepted for my food allergic child....teachers and homeroom moms slipped up constantly at parties and field trips. Thank God I was there every time! With homeschooling...another problem solved.

[momma2three]

I've never heard of a school that let parents come in to eat lunch.  That seems like a big security risk.  I think at the elementary schools here, the birthday child's parent can come read a story to the class on their birthday.  I've also never heard of parents coming to classroom parties besides that, though.

[KungFuPanda]

I've never attended or worked in a school where the parents visited to be social during the day. That could be VERY disruptive and frustrating to everyone (teachers, students, and staff) who is trying to get some work done. I can see coming in for a specific task and offering helpful help, but showing up to socialize is just odd. I can see how it would get out of hand and limits would need to be set. I know that homeschoolers think the school day is incredibly long, but I've never had days race by so fast as when I taught elementary school.

[Excelsior! Academy]

It's my experience that schools only say they want you to be involved. Or perhaps, they just want you to be involved on their terms. You know, teaching them what they need to know in order to do their homework. Giving up family time in order to do homework. Spending large amounts of money on expensive calculators that aren't really needed. Coming to meetings where they can blame the parents for everything their child is doing wrong. That sort of thing.

 

Personally, if someone told me I could not see my kid for whatever reason, I'd withdraw my kid from whatever program it was immediately.

Btdt, got the t-shirt, now homeschooling!

[Nart]

I volunteered today in my first grade son's classroom for an hour before lunch. When it was time to walk the kids to lunch I asked the teacher if she needed anything else. She said she didn't, but I could stay and eat lunch with my son. I stayed and sat with him at he outdoor lunch benches (we live in California do most of the kids eat outdoors). Three other moms were supervising the area. Afterwards I went with him to the playground and helped the first grade boys organize a soccer game. I stayed to be the referee and teach the boys who didn't know the rules how to play. The volunteer mom supervisors came over and told me I could come anytime and help in the lunch area or the playground.

[Joker]

I had lunch with my youngest often when they were both in ps for elementary school. There were rarely any other parents there. I was only there because I volunteered in the K classroom most days. It was not disruptive and the ladies who normally helped out at lunch were very grateful for my help. I'm still good friends with youngest dd's K teacher as well. I would not have been able to help as much as I did had I been expected to leave for lunch, so I'm glad it was okay then.

[jewellsmommy]

I have mixed feelings on the matter...I would not want a parent's access to their child restricted BUT I also would not like the idea of Little Suzy's mama potentially causing delays/drama/confusion in th classroom or Little Billy's pedophile uncle having potential access to the children. That might sound paranoid but at the moment we are in the middle of some revelations that show just how prevalent child predators are. When I was in elem. school, our teacher did not eat with us. There were a couple of lunch monitors only. There was a surprisingly small number of adults around given how many kids were eating at any one time.

 

I would prefer if parents that wanted to eat lunch with their children could just sign them out for lunch. They could go to Mcdonalds, eat in their car, or maybe on the school lawn somewhere.

 

But, since I homeschool, my opinion on the matter probably isn't worth much.

[TeacherZee]

Reading the article I think it seems fairly reasonable. Why do you need to have parties during school time? Shouldn't the students be there learning? And if 135 extra people showed up for lunch here we wouldn't have anywhere to put them (I work at a high school). I noticed there was nothing in the article about parent volunteers in the classroom. There are all sorts of fire codes that could be in play as well. Not to mention, who's job is it to sign in all these people? What job are they having to give up to sign in unexpected visitors?

[LaCEmom]

I don't know about parties, but around here kids are allowed 1 lunch visitor per week and that person has to be in the student's file on their "approved to check them out, etc." list. That seems reasonable to me.

 

I can't imagine how disruptive it must be to have parents come everyday to eat with their kids or have birthday parties in the middle of a lunch period. I would think if for some reason you needed to see your child NOW, you could always check them out and take them somewhere else. Why should the school be reasonable for hosting parents on a daily basis?

[ChristusG]

SO glad I don't have to deal with stuff like this! What a headache! I see both sides..... On one hand I'd be livid if I couldn't see my kid. On the other hand I also wouldn't want random adults hanging around the school. Catch 22. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about it.

[Word Nerd]

At our school, parents sign up for which class party (only one) they want to help with at the beginning of the year. I can't imagine how chaotic it would be if there were a dozen or more parents at each party in addition to all the kids, so that limit seems completely reasonable. I went to lunch with my DD a few weeks ago, but after enduring that meal I am not in any hurry to do so again. ;)