sarahbobeara Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 The wife of my husband's co-worker left her two year old and nine year old in the car while she was loading up after a social gathering. The wife was not near her car the entire time, she was making multiple trips into the location and back out, chatting with other wives, not really paying attention to her car. The part that worries me is she turned ON the car when she sat the kids inside, and then proceeded to finish her tasks. The 9 year old turned on his DS and was "obedient" but the two year old unbuckled her seat and climbed into the driver's seat and was pretending to drive, all while the engine was running. The weather was cool, about 70 and it was not so hot in the car that the kids really needed the A/C on immediately. As a younger mom, I heard it so often...don't leave the engine running if your kid could possibly worm into the front seat and knock the car out of gear. I know cars these days have interlocks, etc so that gears are not accidentally changed, but I just stood there in shock that a parent would do that. And frankly this woman is older and far more educated than I am. Surely she knows her 2 year old can get out of her car seat?? Am I overly protective of my children??? Even now, I don't start the engine until I am sitting in the driver's seat (if the kids need fresh air they open a door on the van). My worry is that she wouldn't even think that a 2 year old in the driver's seat of a running car is dangerous. She would laugh and say, "Oh she does that all the time." Is a 2 year old in the driver's seat of a running car dangerous? Am I old fashioned? Over protective? A worry wart??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 She would laugh and say, "Oh she does that all the time." So did someone else say something then? I might say, "Hey, your 2 yr old is in the drivers seat and turning the steering wheel." But I'd leave it at that. I certainly wouldn't lecture her or take it upon myself to educate her (not saying you would either--it wasn't immediately clear from your post what your idea of "saying something" constituted). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 My husband totaled a car when he was 4! It wasn't even on, but he crashed it because he was alone in the front seat. He said he tried to put it back in gear and couldn't, then jumped in the back to be with his little brothers. They were fine, but the car was not. It rolled down a hill and crashed into a tree, just missing a house. Really, small children like to push buttons and pull things. No way should they have access to a running car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I would have said, "Let me help you! I can stay with the kids while you get your things or I can get them for you while you stay here." If the mom dismissed me, I would repeat a story about a toddler putting a car in gear and would say with a shrug, "I feel really uncomfortable leaving a small child alone in a car. Just a quirk I have." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Honestly, I feel her pain. Trying to load up with a 2 yr old in tow is not fun. I probably would have offered to help load the car or watch the kids. If all else failed, I would ask her if she at least had the emergency brake on. Where was her husband? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 The car running thing is definitely a worry. I wouldn't worry about the kids being in the car while mum goes in and out loading it up if she'd had the engine off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Probably. I might have said something like, 'oops, Johnny is out of his car seat. Do you want me to take him while you load up?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I probably would have said, "You do have that parking break on, right? You're 2 year old could drive away." And then smile, and offer to help her with her task. I knew someone whose 3 year old did get her van to roll away. It was off, but he got it to N and the van rolled down the slight hill of the parking lot (with mom then running after it). It's so hard to do a lot of tasks with toddlers. I remember how hard it was. You think you'll be quick and it will all be fine, but it only takes a second for something to go wrong. Why won't those toddlers stay in their car seats?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 http://www.11alive.com/news/article/296135/40/Two-year-old-drives-truck-into-neighbors-house This was one of the top stories here yesterday. Dad was unloading the truck and the toddler put it in gear. He is very, very fortunate to be alive and well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco_Clark Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I agree with others. Not a big deal if the car was off, but with it on? I wouldn't risk it. Maybe she had her e-break on? I like to give people the benefit of doubt... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I would have offered to help and not taken no for an answer. That is dangerous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I would have offered to help and not taken no for an answer. That is dangerous. I agree. If she had that many things to load, then I probably would have recruited some more help so that she could sit in the car with the kids. I would have let it seem like an offer of help, not a scolding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I consider a parking brake to be insurmountable for a small child, and gear shifts vary in their degree of child-proof-ness. So I wouldn't be terribly concerned about the supposed risks of a child driving away -- especially if she does it all the time, I assume she is smart enough to have thought it through and taken precautions. I would definitely be helpful instead. I can't imagine just watching and pondering parenting choices as a friend or acquaintance friend went through that much rigamarole after an event we had both enjoyed together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 especially if she does it all the time, The does it all the time bit was one possible imagined response, if the OP had approached her. My worry is that she wouldn't even think that a 2 year old in the driver's seat of a running car is dangerous. She would laugh and say, "Oh she does that all the time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 The wife of my husband's co-worker left her two year old and nine year old in the car while she was loading up after a social gathering. The wife was not near her car the entire time, she was making multiple trips into the location and back out, chatting with other wives, not really paying attention to her car. The part that worries me is she turned ON the car when she sat the kids inside, and then proceeded to finish her tasks. The 9 year old turned on his DS and was "obedient" but the two year old unbuckled her seat and climbed into the driver's seat and was pretending to drive, all while the engine was running. The weather was cool, about 70 and it was not so hot in the car that the kids really needed the A/C on immediately. As a younger mom, I heard it so often...don't leave the engine running if your kid could possibly worm into the front seat and knock the car out of gear. I know cars these days have interlocks, etc so that gears are not accidentally changed, but I just stood there in shock that a parent would do that. And frankly this woman is older and far more educated than I am. Surely she knows her 2 year old can get out of her car seat?? Am I overly protective of my children??? Even now, I don't start the engine until I am sitting in the driver's seat (if the kids need fresh air they open a door on the van). My worry is that she wouldn't even think that a 2 year old in the driver's seat of a running car is dangerous. She would laugh and say, "Oh she does that all the time." Is a 2 year old in the driver's seat of a running car dangerous? Am I old fashioned? Over protective? A worry wart??? Heck, yeah...that's dangerous. When I first started reading, I thought it was no big deal because the 9 year old was in the car. But then, I forget that today's generation is totally internet addicted and wouldn't notice a bomb going off. And my kids never, ever disconnected their own seat belts at that age. So it wouldn't have occurred to me to even worry about it, but then I'd never leave the car running. Yes, I would have said something. Better safe than sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I probably would have let her know the 2 yr old was in the drivers seat, but my van has an emergency brake on the floor that requires the driver to step very hard on it to release it, so a child would not be able to move the van as long as that is pushed in. I always set the parking brake, and I assume most other people do too. Maybe it is because I learned to drive in a very hilly city lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Parking brakes fail and you don't get a memo before it happens. I would have offered help, not a rebuke. I leave my 9 (now basically 10) yo in the car with his little brother sometimes for short things but I make sure the little guy is entertained if he is not asleep and he is strapped into a car seat that he does not have the strength to unbuckle. And never, ever do I leave the car running. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 It is so hard to load up a car with a two year old. I can see how one might want it running for the A/C but I generally have eldest sit in the front if I am doing something like that to prevent such issues from occurring. I would probably have helped or made my twelve year old help her. I would have said something but made it more sympathetic like, "mine would be trying to put the car in gear at that age," so she understands she isn't alone, toddlerhood is rough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Yes, it's hard to load a car with a two year-old. No, you probably shouldn't leave the 2 year-old in a running car and then walk away from it. I am a pretty easygoing parent, but that just sounds like a bad idea. I am not really the type to say much beyond, "oh she is making me nervous". I could offer to watch the kids, but the car is already running and the kid is already in the driver's seat, so what could I really do without overstepping? I feel the need to add: If I was done and ready to go home I would have just gone. I don't tend to stand around wringing my hands about what other people are doing with their kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I was wondering if she had remote start too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I do this. My car has a key fab thingy that I need inside the vehicle to make it turn on and put into gear. I keep it in my pocket, turn the car on, load the kids, and run back in for whatever. They can't drive it, maybe she has a car like that? Of course, I only do that in my own driveway tho... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I didn't read the other replies, but I wanted to add this information as to why I frequently leave my kids unattended in a running car. My car has a keyless remote starter. I can start the car and put my kids in it, remotely lock it up behind me while leaving the kids in a running car (with heater or AC running), and go back in the store or wherever and finish up my business. My remote starter starts up the car, but if any of the gears, gas pedal, brake pedal, ANYTHING is pushed, the car will quit running. Now for me,I have the advantage of having older kids who can keep an eye on the younger ones, but don't automatically assume those kids were in immediate danger. If her car was like mine, they were in no danger at all. Yes this!! Our car has this same feature. My FIL, a safety officer, spent the better part of an hour trying to get around the fail safe feature before declaring it acctually kid-proof. OP- in your shoes I would have asked if she needed help. I might have even asked if she was worried about them putting the car in gear. I know I am always happy to reassure worried people that my kids/dogs are perfectly safe in our car when it is running with remote start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Sometimes I will tell a parent what her tot is up to if it seems like something most parents would not allow. I hope it is viewed as helpful rather than nasty. So I would probably mention to her that her tot was in the front seat playing driver. Then I would leave it up to her to decide how to deal with it (though I might offer to help her load her stuff). I'm pretty laid back, but my children are not allowed in the front seat because I've seen too many things happen with other kids (and I remember being a kid myself). However, if your friend has a situation where the kids could not put the car in gear etc., I could see why she was not concerned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 When I was a toddler I "drove" the family car downhill while my obese grandfather chased the car to catch me, lol. I seriously hope I get to see the "holy home video" in heaven. So, while my escapade turned out fine, it could have been awful, so I think someone should have said something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Had I seen this, I would have stepped up to help rather than worry about what she might say if I commented. Clearly she was trying to do a lot at once, and everyone stood around to talk to her but no one thought to grab some stuff and help her load? I also have remote starter on my car. Having had my oldest put my van into gear when he was 5 and roll out of my aunt's house (I had run up to the door to drop off a pregnancy care package to her) and into her hedge it is something I used to worry about. But with my car I don't have to, I can have it on for a/c without the key in it, but the minute someone tries to put it in gear the shuts off. Also my van had the type of gear shift that was on the steering column, so very easy to put in gear, my car has it down in the console and it has a button you have to push to move it into gear. I would have said something like "here let me help you(or more likely, here let my teens help you) before speedy gonzales there drives away without you" Most moms I know would either say "oh my gosh, I didn't see her out of her seat"; or "no worries the car has the safety brake/remote starter/ etc on, she won't be going anywhere"; or "that would be great, I hate leaving the kids in the car to do this"; or "haha she hasn't succeeded yet", clearly we don't want the last one, but there is some that just don't care. You are not overprotective to think that was dangerous, but I am surprised that no one offered to help her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfknitter.# Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Heck, yeah...that's dangerous. When I first started reading, I thought it was no big deal because the 9 year old was in the car. But then, I forget that today's generation is totally internet addicted and wouldn't notice a bomb going off. And my kids never, ever disconnected their own seat belts at that age. So it wouldn't have occurred to me to even worry about it, but then I'd never leave the car running. Yes, I would have said something. Better safe than sorry. Generalize a bit much there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I would have said something. My father once left my sister ( aged then 3) in the car, it was running, and he was just standing near the car talking to someone. the car was a van, they type with the motor under the drivers seat ( mostly how vans are in Australia). The battery caught on fire and then the seat cover. My sister had nightmares about fire for many years. I know someone else who had their 4 boys in the car, car running and standing quite near the car talking to someone. one of the children found a lighter in the glove box, and started a fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pod's mum Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Yeah but that was in Australia Melissa. Like the 7 year old caught driving at 3 am this morning in Queensland. His 41 year old father was drunk in the passenger seat beside him, so at least he wasn't unsupervised. http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/national/yearold-caught-driving-on-gold-coast-at-3am-and-man-in-car-with-him-charged-with-being-under-influence-of-alcohol/story-fnii5v70-1226667239738 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Yeah but that was in Australia Melissa. Like the 7 year old caught driving at 3 am this morning in Queensland. His 41 year old father was drunk in the passenger seat beside him, so at least he wasn't unsupervised. http://www.heraldsun...0-1226667239738 I just heard that on the news :scared:. I guess as the child was supervised it was alright :sneaky2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 My car has the remote start too. I can plop my kids in, lock it up and start the car. If anything inside is touched, including gear shift, it shuts off. I probably wouldn't leave my 2y/o in the front seat, but then again, he can't unbuckle his car seat. How do so many kids get out of their car seats? *I* can barely get it unbuckled half the time. There's no way Han Solo is going to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I agree, they should not design car seats so easy for a toddler to get out of. My kids had el cheapo car seats and even at 4.5 (when I switched to boosters) they could not unbuckle the lap belt; it was too hard to push the release button. I rather liked that feature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I didn't read the other replies, but I wanted to add this information as to why I frequently leave my kids unattended in a running car. My car has a keyless remote starter. I can start the car and put my kids in it, remotely lock it up behind me while leaving the kids in a running car (with heater or AC running), and go back in the store or wherever and finish up my business. My remote starter starts up the car, but if any of the gears, gas pedal, brake pedal, ANYTHING is pushed, the car will quit running. Now for me,I have the advantage of having older kids who can keep an eye on the younger ones, but don't automatically assume those kids were in immediate danger. If her car was like mine, they were in no danger at all. Probably goes without saying, but, this is only safe if the kids are buckled up. Seat belts are a serious choking hazard. Once the belt is tensed, kids have NO IDEA how to release that tension, and they pull away making it worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Generalize a bit much there... Sure, I was exaggerating a bit about the bomb going off. But you've got to admit that people have their faces glued to screens everywhere you go, including kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 You know, I remember being similar to this woman. I was a single (but not acutally single) mom trying trying to raise lots of little ones all by myself. I think that the thought of trying to contain all of the little ones running God-knows-where (the street?) while I was trying to load up my car sounded much more dangerous than leaving the kids in the car by themselves. Now, let me clarify that a little. I wouldn't have been going IN the building (out of eyeshot), I wouldn't have been ok with little Johnny being out of the seat and in the front, and if it was a cool 70 degrees I probably would have left the car off and put the windows down instead of running the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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