Have American Parents Got It All Backwards?

[Harriet Vane]

Love this article--soooooooo much to agree with!

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-grossloh/have-american-parents-got-it-all-backwards_b_3202328.html

[ChristusG]

Awesome!!

[Pod's mum]

My youngest has been up trees since tiny.

Others have been concerned, but she knows the rule, as she hears it often.

When you fall out, don't land on your head.

[Liz CA]

I am all for this kind of freedom. I, myself, spent a few summer vacations up in a cherry tree, reading and spitting the pits at pedestrians...

[Jean in Newcastle]

I must not be American enough. None of that was news to me.

[Maela]

Agreed!

 

[fraidycat]

My youngest has been up trees since tiny.

Others have been concerned, but she knows the rule, as she hears it often.

When you fall out, don't land on your head.

 

Ha! I love it! I think I'm going to steal it.

[Mom in High Heels]

I had friend in Heidelberg who sent their kids to German kindergarten. It was so very different from any American K I've ever seen. There were candles burning on the tables, helped prepare the meals, ate off of real dishes (not plastic), with real silverware (sharp knives too!), and played much of the day outside. It was wonderful. The kids I knew who went had such a great time and learned so much, even though they weren't sitting in a chair. I was much more of a helicopter parent when Indy was little, and nearly drove myself nuts. I'm so much more laid back with Han Solo. Of course I drink more wine now, so maybe that's why. :cheers2: Why don't we have a wine smiley?????

[nansk]

Having grown up in an Asian culture, I agree with many of the rules in the article. However, if I were an American parent reading it, I would not start implementing all of the rules at once. I don't think I can drastically change my parenting style at one go.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I'll pull this article out the next time I need to defend my parenting style. I knew I wasn't the crazy one .

[Mom in High Heels]

I stopped reading after the part about us needing to let little kids play with knives and climb trees. I don't do that because I can't afford the possible medical bills. So gee do ya think that might be part of some parent's paranoia?!

 

 

I don't think she meant "play" with knives, but to actually use them. Kids in K use them here in Germany. They are well supervised and taught to be careful and use them properly.

[plath]

This article really resonated with me. We parent this way as well- my 5 year old uses real knives (and sharp scissors), both my kids have almost always used real dishes, they climb trees and we cosleep :)

[Harriet Vane]

On the subject of knives and climbing things . . .

 

Boy Scouts has fabulous training for knives. I loved what my son had to learn and embrace in order to earn his Totin' Chip. He loves whittling wood, and is soooooo proud of his ability to do real things with a real knife. Long before the Totin' Chip, though, he was using real knives in the kitchen. Our family loves cooking together, so both kids have been trained with big knives from a young age. Of course we have supervised the process carefully in the early learning stages, but they showed proficiency and responsibility from a young age. I contrast that to their cousins, who were not allowed to use anything other than a butter knife until age 7 or 8, and even then under the strictest supervision. They couldn't even cut their food at the table. What really blew my mind was when I looked over during a family party one day, and my ds was cutting food for a cousin who was older than him!

 

On trees--I grew up climbing my grandmother's mulberry tree and thought nothing of it when my kids wanted to climb trees. Over time, on nature walks and such, my dh carefully taught both kids how to climb rocks or trees or whatever safely, making sure they always had three limbs touching and one limb moving, etc. People were horrified at various junctures with how we allowed our children to climb big trees or rocks up north, but they had learned how to climb safely and had a marvelous time doing it. Falling hasn't been an issue for us because of the training they received. Actually, my ds has had lots more injuries engaged in team sports than in climbing or whittling (no injuries ever, for either activity).

 

Of course freak accidents can occur with anything we do, but training in safety and personal responsibility really does make a difference.

[stripe]

I watched the documentary Urbanized and saw how some European countries have bicycle lanes protected by parked cars, which means a driver would have a hard time hitting a bicyclist. That doesn't exist where I live. I am not willing to let my three year old get hit by a car. My neighbors don't pay that much attention when they drive.

 

My husband was not born or raised in the US, so we don't have identical styles, but I often allow much more risky behavior than he does. Then again, he knows a lot more children who died in accidents than I did. There are millions of kids who die from diarrhea due to dirty water, around the world, too. The assumption in articles like this is that life is basically safe. Notice where it's written from? Sweden. Japan. Right. Not Somalia. Not Ukraine. Not Downtown Cairo, where even adults have a heck of a time crossing the street. Not somewhere really rough and tumble.

 

I am teaching my kids how to do things and how to be safe, rather than avoiding everything. But I don't think we live in a world where I can just set them loose and see what happens. My children are the most precious part of my life. I feel an obligation as their mother to help them survive childhood.

 

It is true that in societies with high death rates among children, the adults are much stronger and healthier. But I would rather not go that route of weeding out the weak with my own kids. I think at least one might not make it.

[SarahW]

I am always fascinated by the Finnish, but still... that's not common in all of Europe. In The Netherlands they started an early education program where kids can begin at age 3. But it is very low key. Montessori type games and a lot of play and songs. At 4 they move up to a class that has all of those things and also teaches letters and numbers. School is only about 10-20 hrs a week. The biggest difference I saw education wise from America is that schools there were very low-key. No fence, no lunchroom (for the younger grades, you go home to eat lunch), no "school spirit" sports teams, no bussing (ride your bike or walk, or grab a free pass for the city bus). But the teachers were professionals, and expected to be treated as such (and they were paid as such).

 

As for co-sleeping, yeah, my kid usually sleeps on a couch in the master bedroom. He likes it. Considering that sleeping completely alone has hardly ever been practiced by humans (on average), I don't see the need to force him to do it, no matter what my relatives say.

[creekland]

My guys have been free range for their whole lives - including knives, BB guns, trees, rockets, ponies, and bikes. They've had the run of campgrounds and amusement parks (not nuisance run, but going places/doing things run) as well as our woods, pastures, pond, and creek.

 

It's been a great way to raise kids.

 

Medical bills? The only two we've had were a broken collar bone from gym class (in a padded gym) and youngest's epilepsy (which we're told is likely inherited). Free range kids (from a young age) seem to know how to stay safe.

[Guest submarines]

Great article. The only think I don't really agree with is "going hungry" and waiting for your family to eat with.

 

Japan and Korea have very different cultures which are based on community, instead of individualism, and therefore this would make sense there.

[DawnM]

Me either. :cheers2:

 

I must not be American enough. None of that was news to me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Great article. The only think I don't really agree with is "going hungry" and waiting for your family to eat with.

 

Japan and Korea have very different cultures which are based on community, instead of individualism, and therefore this would make sense there.

 

In Japan, they do wait for meal time but the kids and the mom usually eat together. The dad comes home much later and the mom serves him.

[Jenny in Florida]

I stopped reading after the part about us needing to let little kids play with knives and climb trees. I don't do that because I can't afford the possible medical bills. So gee do ya think that might be part of some parent's paranoia?!

 

I think the general idea is that, if kids are taught to do these things appropriately, they won't generate medical bills.

 

This was a source of tension between my husband and me when our son was younger. This kid had a driving need to be going up and away all the time. When other moms were attending homeschool park days and spending time sitting in folding chairs chatting while their toddlers played contentedly with toys on blankets spread out on the ground, I was dashing around the playground trying to keep my son from falling off whatever he'd decided he simply had to climb that day.

 

When my husband took the kid to the park, his solution was to repeatedly pull a crying child off of one thing after another and admonish him to stop climbing . . . after which said kid would hang around just long enough for the adults to be distracted and start climbing again. My husband ended up exhausted and irritable and in pain from leaning over again and again to grab our son.

 

I did the same thing until the day it dawned on me that contantly telling the child he wasn't old enough or big enough or strong enough to do these things wasn't exactly the best way to build his confidence and ability. I mean, how would he ever learn to climb safely if we didn't let him, you know, climb? Something clicked for me, and I realized he was absolutely going to explore and climb no matter what I said or did. So, I figured it was my job to make sure he had lots of practice and learned to do it well. From that point on, I followed him around the playground with my arms outstretched under him, just in case he fell, but let him do what he wanted/needed to do and just kept assuring him he was doing fine.

 

Edit: I should also, perhaps, mention that there were several years on and off when we didn't even have medical insurance.

 

[Knocking on wood . . . ] Despite being one of the most active and adventurous kids at any park -- and regardless of the disapproving looks and comments I got from other moms -- my son never did break a bone or get injured in any serious way.

 

Given that my husband's parents, who had four boys, were on a first-name basis with all of the emergency room doctors in the small city in which we grew up, I decided at some point that I deserved a medal for getting my son through to his teen years without anything disastrous occurring. (The only time he's ever been to the ER was when he was three and had a high fever that wouldn't come down with OTC meds.)

 

While we weren't as free range as the parents described in the linked article, we definitely allowed our kids a whole lot more freedom -- and responsibility -- in some areas than did other parents we know. And we endured a lot of disapproval and snide comments, too. But, now that our daughter is transitioning to adulthood and our son is in his mid-teens, I feel confident we mostly made pretty good choices for them.

[Dory]

I tend to find it a little annoying when people look at other countries as if they have this parenting thing down pat. No social problems at all in any of those countries? That being said, I (to some extent) agree with most of those except the eating one. Lots of small meals are good for the metabolism. We have two meals together everyday and the kids take a couple of snack times either in between. They are always fruit or veggie snacks (sometimes yogurt). They pack their snacks and head out exploring in the bush. My oldest has his knife with him and they take a couple of journals.

There are lots of ways to teach delayed gratification, food doesn't always have to be the way to do it.

[Parrothead]

Great article. The only think I don't really agree with is "going hungry" and waiting for your family to eat with.

 

Japan and Korea have very different cultures which are based on community, instead of individualism, and therefore this would make sense there.

 

May I ask your reasoning for not liking the wait to eat bit?

[stripe]

Free range kids (from a young age) seem to know how to stay safe.

Not every kid has common sense. Certainly not at age three! Some kids also don't have the physical capacity to do these things, for example children with night blindness who are wandering around areas with open wells, for example, or large animals (cows, donkeys, goats) or wild animals (snakes, etc), or dangerous intersections, or high crime. Because a lot of this assumes that the kids are in a safe environment and the child is reasonably clever, or that there will be medical facilities available to solve any problems that occur. Some people don't live near a doctor. A lot of people in the world live like this. Not in the US or Europe, perhaps. But in many parts of the world.

 

My kids have also been injured by free range kids. The other family wanted to blame my kid and certainly never took any responsibility. Meanwhile my husband was the one who was cross examined in the ER about how the injury occurred, and we all know those are to see if the parent is abusive.

[Maela]

I'll pull this article out the next time I need to defend my parenting style. I knew I wasn't the crazy one .

I'd like to hand it to my parents.

[creekland]

Not every kid has common sense. Certainly not at age three!

 

 

At age 3 (and 4, and 5, etc) we were with our kids as they explored and did things, but we still let them do it. When they were in the barn (or pastures) with our animals we were there teaching them safety. We took them on hikes and taught them. We taught them how to shoot BB guns (and later real guns) and bow/arrows. We taught them how to use knives, etc. We even taught them things like watching out for dead branches when they climbed trees.

 

Free range doesn't mean just opening the door and kicking the 3 year old out. It means actively teaching & doing things, then letting them do stuff. It doesn't take them long to learn and as they've learned, the supervision decreases.

 

My guy is continually astounded at what his peers don't know about the basics of outdoor life (not terminology or other "learned" things, but simple things about how the world works). It's those who don't know those basics like staying away from the edge of a cliff due to possible undercutting or that dead branches can break easily who can end up hurt.

[Χά�ων]

My kids have also been injured by free range kids. The other family wanted to blame my kid and certainly never took any responsibility.

 

 

I think I know that familiy! Do they use NVC and CL as well?

 

I do not get the attitude of "my son is treated like an adult and if he says x didn't happen, it didn't happen." A 10 year old attacked a 6 year old, to the point where he had to be hositalized. No 6 year old is capable on self inflicting those types of injuries. The 6 year old said the other child got made when he stepped on his legos. We make it a point to avoid certain free range families and anyone attaching the labels NCP and CL to their parenting views. The kids tend to be out of control and mom often appears drunk before breakfast. Nothing against having a drink but if you have to drunk to be around your own kids maybe something needs to change.

[creekland]

I think I know that familiy! Do they use NVC and CL as well?

 

I do not get the attitude of "my son is treated like an adult and if he says x didn't happen, it didn't happen." A 10 year old attacked a 6 year old, to the point where he had to be hositalized. No 6 year old is capable on self inflicting those types of injuries. The 6 year old said the other child got made when he stepped on his legos. We make it a point to avoid certain free range families and anyone attaching the labels NCP and CL to their parenting views. The kids tend to be out of control and mom often appears drunk before breakfast. Nothing against having a drink but if you have to drunk to be around your own kids maybe something needs to change.

 

If this is, indeed, what happened, it definitely sounds like a special case and not the "norm" for what the article (or many of us) are talking about.

 

Free range parenting still includes "parenting." It's not neglect, abuse, nor ignoring reality.

 

I'd be as angry as anyone else in this type of situation, but I wouldn't toss out the real concept over a few who misrepresent it. If we did that, none of us would approve of homeschooling due to the few out there who really give it a bad name calling what is essentially truancy and non-education homeschooling.

[Wildcat]

Not every kid has common sense. Certainly not at age three! Some kids also don't have the physical capacity to do these things, for example children with night blindness who are wandering around areas with open wells, for example, or large animals (cows, donkeys, goats) or wild animals (snakes, etc), or dangerous intersections, or high crime. Because a lot of this assumes that the kids are in a safe environment and the child is reasonably clever, or that there will be medical facilities available to solve any problems that occur. Some people don't live near a doctor. A lot of people in the world live like this. Not in the US or Europe, perhaps. But in many parts of the world.

 

My kids have also been injured by free range kids. The other family wanted to blame my kid and certainly never took any responsibility. Meanwhile my husband was the one who was cross examined in the ER about how the injury occurred, and we all know those are to see if the parent is abusive.

In order to become "free range", the kids are taught how to do it safely. They aren't free ranging at three years of age. The three year old still needs to be followed around withoutstretched arms while he/she climbs a few feet from the ground and learns how to test branches and footholds. That way, when he/she is old enough to be told "come home before the streetlights turn on", the child knows how to safely climb a tree. The same goes for using a pocket knife, etc. It is done under supervision (and with band aids nearby!), until the child has the knack of it, then is left to his/her own devices. That's how it was done when I was a kid, and that's how we did it with our dc. Your other comments (nightblindness, where one lives, etc) are very valid concerns, but those would/should be addressed when in the early, teaching phase of 'free ranging'. The whole idea is to teach the child at a young age how to be safe and learn with regards to their abilities/disabilites and environment, so that they can be safe when out on their own.

 

I'm sorry your kids have been hurt by free range kids. My kids were hurt by kids with helicopter parents whose kids could 'do no wrong'. There are parents like this across every child-rearing school of thought.

 

As for those who fear medical bills because of free ranging.... like others, my kids have only had medical bills for other things. Sports injuries from playing on the city's team and household accidents were the causes of our bills (none of which resulted in ER trips, though). Stairs are the biggest culprit around the house, as was general 'horseplay'.

 

 

ETA: creekland posted while I was typing and correcting errors, but I'll leave my post as is, even though it now seems redundant.

[plath]

 

At age 3 (and 4, and 5, etc) we were with our kids as they explored and did things, but we still let them do it. When they were in the barn (or pastures) with our animals we were there teaching them safety. We took them on hikes and taught them. We taught them how to shoot BB guns (and later real guns) and bow/arrows. We taught them how to use knives, etc. We even taught them things like watching out for dead branches when they climbed trees.

 

Free range doesn't mean just opening the door and kicking the 3 year old out. It means actively teaching & doing things, then letting them do stuff. It doesn't take them long to learn and as they've learned, the supervision decreases.

 

My guy is continually astounded at what his peers don't know about the basics of outdoor life (not terminology or other "learned" things, but simple things about how the world works). It's those who don't know those basics like staying away from the edge of a cliff due to possible undercutting or that dead branches can break easily who can end up hurt.

 

I agree with this completely. Oftentimes (not saying anyone here!), parents don't think their kids can "handle it" so don't even bother trying to teach them. I have so many friends who don't even let their kids clean up after themselves, use real cups until they're 10 or help with anything in the kitchen, and have so many "off limits" places for their kids. Those kids aren't going to learn that they're able and CAN do it themselves. I am all about raising my kids to be independent, able bodied individuals and it's up to my husband and myself to teach them that they can be, whether it's using knives, climbing a tree or as simple as learning how to play in the garage next to dh working on his truck with power tools everywhere.

[Miss Peregrine]

My son got his first picket knife at 5.

 

My kids were using a pulley system and a trash can to hoist each other up into a tree. Some lady driving by insisted they come get me so she could tell me how dangerous it was. :rolleyes: I told her they were fine and she drove off shaking her head.

[Harriet Vane]

 

At age 3 (and 4, and 5, etc) we were with our kids as they explored and did things, but we still let them do it. When they were in the barn (or pastures) with our animals we were there teaching them safety. We took them on hikes and taught them. We taught them how to shoot BB guns (and later real guns) and bow/arrows. We taught them how to use knives, etc. We even taught them things like watching out for dead branches when they climbed trees.

 

Free range doesn't mean just opening the door and kicking the 3 year old out. It means actively teaching & doing things, then letting them do stuff. It doesn't take them long to learn and as they've learned, the supervision decreases.

 

My guy is continually astounded at what his peers don't know about the basics of outdoor life (not terminology or other "learned" things, but simple things about how the world works). It's those who don't know those basics like staying away from the edge of a cliff due to possible undercutting or that dead branches can break easily who can end up hurt.

:iagree: It's not a lack of parenting or lack of supervision. Rather, it's active training from a young age.

[creekland]

:iagree: It's not a lack of parenting or lack of supervision. Rather, it's active training from a young age.

 

 

We had many parents tell us not to bother taking our youngsters on vacations with us as the kids would never remember a thing. They suggested waiting until the kids were teens.

 

We took our kids everywhere with us from infant stage on and by their teens they were traveling alone and negotiating airports, public transportation, etc. Youngest assisted his french teacher on their Paris trip as so many kids had no clue what to do or how to get places. (Mine had never been to Paris either, but he knew the concepts.) The other parents who gave us advice? They complained their kids ended up not liking to travel and that they couldn't do anything to help even when they did drag them along.

 

It's the same thing for almost any aspect of life. We included our kids. We also limited ourselves to kid friendly places at first, but we didn't have to do that for long. Mine learned how to appreciate (adult) museums and plays, etc, too. They love to go to "adult" places to eat and had an early distaste for kids menus.

[Hwin]

I did like that article. I give my kids freedom whenever I can and I know a lot of American parents who are pretty comfortable with that as well :)

 

 

My kids use those kind of knives. Although they aren't particularly sharp knives. So that I don't see the big deal about.

 

But seriously, I do not let my kids climb trees because I cannot afford the medical bills. I once broke my foot. It was a very tiny fracture not requiring a cast. It cost me over $4000 for one x-ray, a pair of crutches, and a walking boot. In Germany people don't go poor from medical bills!

 

 

A bit off topic - I live in NY as well and we spent $700 on my son's broken foot- including the cast and several x-rays. Our insurance cancelled (due to job changes) on August 31st, kid broke his foot the 3rd of September, and was healed by the last week. New insurance kicked in October 1st, so of course it was all out of pocket, and it was still all under a grand. CRAZY that different doctors/hospitals can vary so much in the same general area!

[Dory]

 

Yeah, not only that, but the US is a large and fairly diverse country. There are all kinds here. I don't like sweeping generalizations.

 

I have never followed my kids around at the park and told them not to climb things. I'm not on top of them. But, no, I do not let them climb trees. We don't have many tress around here anyway. The ones we do have at the park are too big to climb. It's just not something that has come up around here. But I've taken my kids to rock climbing gyms, etc. My 11 year old has a pocket knife. Both kids have used knives to eat with. Big deal. I don't think a lot of parents are that crazed in the US. At least I haven't met them.

 

 

My kids can't climb trees here. All we have is aspen and a person would have to be pretty amazing to climb those. Straight up and no branches. Well I suppose there is also the spruce and pine, but no sane person wants to climb up those prickly things. Our dangerous thing is the wildlife and the river.

[DawnM]

Well, this part is very true.

 

I tend to find it a little annoying when people look at other countries as if they have this parenting thing down pat. No social problems at all in any of those countries?

 

 

[Wheres Toto]

Not every kid has common sense. Certainly not at age three! Some kids also don't have the physical capacity to do these things, for example children with night blindness who are wandering around areas with open wells, for example, or large animals (cows, donkeys, goats) or wild animals (snakes, etc), or dangerous intersections, or high crime. Because a lot of this assumes that the kids are in a safe environment and the child is reasonably clever, or that there will be medical facilities available to solve any problems that occur. Some people don't live near a doctor. A lot of people in the world live like this. Not in the US or Europe, perhaps. But in many parts of the world.

 

My kids have also been injured by free range kids. The other family wanted to blame my kid and certainly never took any responsibility. Meanwhile my husband was the one who was cross examined in the ER about how the injury occurred, and we all know those are to see if the parent is abusive.

 

 

Some kids don't have common sense when they are 6 or 7. :tongue_smilie:

 

We've taken my son a lot of places from a young age, we go camping, build fires, climb trees, teach him safety. But the kid honestly has the common sense/impulse control of a 3 year old. We still have to have real concerns about him getting out of the way of a moving car (although that one seems to be shared by a lot of kids, does no one teach their kids to get out of the road when a car comes anymore? to stop playing ball and MOVE?!?), or not going off with strangers. This kids loves everyone and would not hesitate to go home with someone he just met, or announce our address to the random teenagers at the park to invite them over. No matter how many times I go over the rules, what could happen, etc. It just doesn't sink in.

[fairfarmhand]

Just a few random comments:

 

Injuries to my kids that resulted in Dr/ER visits have always happened when we were RIGHT there. Our two broken collar bones (on the same kid!) happened in the house. It seems that certain kids are just accident prone.

 

I have to remind myself when kids come to visit my farm that not all of them have "farm sense." The sense to watch out for their feet around horses. (sorry, stay away from the horses when you are in flip-flops!) The sense to not chase mama cows, the sense to be able to get out of the treehouse alone. I have to remind kids to stay within sight of the house and barn because it's easy to get turned around out here and get lost. I have to tell kids not to touch the electric wire on the fence! Sometimes I forget these things that my kids do naturally because we've been telling them and showing them these things since they were 3.

 

We even refresh our kids in the summer on the "watch your step in rocky areas because of snakes" and carefully flip things over in the barn because of black widow spiders.

[Plateau Mama]

I stopped reading after the part about us needing to let little kids play with knives and climb trees. I don't do that because I can't afford the possible medical bills. So gee do ya think that might be part of some parent's paranoia?!

 

My daughter broke her wrist walking the dog. Totally broke thru one of the bones. We joke that she could have at least been doing something exciting when she broke it. A friend of hers broke his tripping over a tree root, his brother riding his bike. The next door neighbor at the playground.

 

None of these kids were doing anything inherently dangerous. If you are worried about them getting hurt because you can't afford it you'd better buy bubble wrap and duck tape them to the sofa. Kids get hurt. Period. Fact of life. At least if they get hurt falling out of a tree they have a story to tell. And if they don't fall out of a tree they have great memories.

 

[jennynd]

I also stop reading after the knife and tree climbing ....When my DS taught my DD how to swing in my backyard. the swing hit the eyelid of my daughter and left a about 1/2 inch scar stil there after 2 years. if it was 1/2 cm closer to her eye, she will now blind. I still let them do whatever in play ground, I just pay much closer attention and remind DS what is safe what is not

One of my coworker babysitter somehow let her Son play bungee cord. the boy lost one of his eye. ... I rather be safe than sorry

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I think there are good things about American ways of doing things (such as more attempts to eliminate ridiculously unnecessary dangers*) and good things about the way things tend to be done in other countries. There are also things that aren't so good. I lived in Europe for many years and I saw a lot of parenting I found to be terrible. A coldness, lack of patience, lack of comfort offered to a hurt or upset child...

 

Yes, children there have more freedom in some ways, but they are also sometimes pushed into independence they aren't ready for. I see nothing wrong with a 4 year-old using a sharp knife to help a parent cut potatoes into fries (something my son did), but I don't think that means the same 4 year-old should be expected to just deal with it when he falls off his bike or that he is too old to sit on his parent's lap. However, in Europe I didn't have to worry about parents freaking out if my son and another child ran around the playground shooting their fingers at each other. Kids' play wasn't micromanaged there, though sometimes this meant too little supervision (or none at all).

 

 

*by unnecessary dangers, I mean things like sudden drop-offs with no railing, an ax left (on purpose) next to a playground entrance, giving kids firecrackers to use in a crowded area without any supervision (what could go wrong?), oh and the fire hazards! For example, a big open fire in a metal barrel placed in the middle of a Halloween festival with kids in flowing costumes and capes walking right next to it as sparks flew. I get annoyed when people try to remove every potential danger, but some of the "rules" we have here in the U.S. do make sense (but they can go too far so some push-back is a good thing).

[Guest submarines]

May I ask your reasoning for not liking the wait to eat bit?

 

Truly, maybe convenience. If we are at home, and a child wants a snack, I see no reason why not to give it to him. But we also don't do family meals as a family--DH has a very irregular schedule, and we eat whenever we are hungry.

 

I won't make my children wait for food on purpose, just for the sake of waiting. If, however, there's a reason, I find that they have no problem waiting. Like if we have company and they can't have peanuts, my child will wait for his peanut butter sandwich. Or if we are in a restaurant waiting for a meal--they have no problem waiting. And of course their snacks aren't instantaneous either, so they naturally have to wait. But not because "we don't eat now, wait until dinner time."

[Mom in High Heels]

Well, we're an eat together kind of family. We eat b'fast, lunch and dinner together, unless there is some reason for us not to. Han Solo can have snacks if he's hungry, but I don't feed him or Indy at a different time.

[stripe]

Some kids don't have common sense when they are 6 or 7. :tongue_smilie:

Some kids may never have common sense. For that matter, not everybody is intellectually matched up with their age. There are an awful lot of kids with autism and fatal nut allergies in the US, it seems to me, compared to many other countries. I can thoroughly understand concerns parents have about having them roam around for hours alone.

 

My kids can't climb trees here. All we have is aspen and a person would have to be pretty amazing to climb those. Straight up and no branches. Well I suppose there is also the spruce and pine, but no sane person wants to climb up those prickly things. Our dangerous thing is the wildlife and the river.

Indeed. Ditto for those who live near coconut trees or date palm trees, where usually only the very skilled can do this.

 

The assumption that there are public parks for kids to play that are safe and well maintained is another assumption. In some places, there ARE no parks. Literally, none. I have been to places like this. Or there might be one public garden, but children aren't allowed to climb the trees, because it's a botanical display. I had a friend tell me there is a huge fine for those in the United Arab Emirates who step on a flower because the price of watering and maintaining these plants in such weather is astronomical, and it's probably there to discourage vandalism. Other places have drug needles and condoms littering the park, or unsavory characters hanging around.

 

I am happy to have a safe place with greenery for children to play with, but that is not the case everywhere I've lived. Even when I was growing up, my street had no park, and nowhere green except people's yards. The narrow streets were not conducive to street play, and there wasn't enough room to deal with oncoming traffic. There are also meddling neighbors -- plenty of people have posted about that on here! And places with extreme weather, where it's not practical to have kids off for hours.

 

I think we cannot say, well, if the child is not well behaved, then he is not really a "free range child," but is just a naughty truant. Well, the point is, the parent lets them roam.

[justamouse]

I'm another one in a bubble, I've always raised my kids like that.

[Mrs Mungo]

I taught my kids to climb trees and use knives. They used glasses from the time they were 3. I found that actual glasses were less likely to tip over because they are heavier. I did have neighbors call/come over to inform me when the kids were in a free or on top of their jungle gym. I always just said, "thanks, but they are fine."

[justamouse]

 

In Japan, they do wait for meal time but the kids and the mom usually eat together. The dad comes home much later and the mom serves him.

 

That's the way we work it at my house. It is rare that we don't eat together.

[Χά�ων]

 

If this is, indeed, what happened, it definitely sounds like a special case and not the "norm" for what the article (or many of us) are talking about.

 

Free range parenting still includes "parenting." It's not neglect, abuse, nor ignoring reality.

 

I'd be as angry as anyone else in this type of situation, but I wouldn't toss out the real concept over a few who misrepresent it. If we did that, none of us would approve of homeschooling due to the few out there who really give it a bad name calling what is essentially truancy and non-education homeschooling.

 

I am very familiar with free range TYVM. I agree with it to a certain degree and practice it as much as reasonable. IE I drop DS and a friend off at a professional sport game, DS owns a pellet gun, bow and arrow set, pocket knives and climbs everything. Locally, the only thing I listed that is free range is dropping DS and a friend off at a sporting event. Free range is very different than not being a helicopter parent. We have to actively avoid places where these people frequent for my son's safety. Free range here (here meaning the city that is an hour away not my small rural town) means you buy your kid a bus pass, give them a schedule, kiss them on the head and send them out in the world to take themselves to practice/lessons/coop/friends houses and anywhere they want to go on that is on the bus line. If it is not on the bus line the parent tells them to take their bike and load it on the bike rack on the bus. Here it means when families go to a park (that covers 50 acres) the parents sit talking and ignoring their younger children who are playing on the equipment near a very busy street while the older kids (8 and up) roam the rest of the 60 acre park and are out of ear shot of their parents.

[LostSurprise]

I didn't disagree with most of the article but I found the reasoning (why those things work) to be overly simplistic.

 

Nowhere in the article does it explain that free-range is parent taught. I think that was rather the point, its not. Nor do I really think that Korean children are great vegetable eaters because they eat as a family. The traditional food culture is completely different than the States. I also don't think there's a direct line of causation between starting school later, recess and school performance.

 

I'm not against those things, I just don't think the author has done a good job proving her point.

[Firefly]

The comments under the article are interesting - mostly expats living in those countries sharing a different perspective.

 

I've lived overseas, in both Europe and the Middle East and traveled extensively while abroad. Yeah, different cultures do different things. I don't think any one has the market cornered on perfect parenting. DH is French and pretty much as soon as they cut their teeth, the kids were eating what we were (in France they have a special mincing tool -like a scissors--for just this purpose). We let them graze but do family dinners. They learned how to use a kitchen knife and other blades when young, as well as other self-sufficiency/animal husbandry type skills you get from growing up on a farm. There are some things I wouldn't let them do when they were younger though, because I worried about their safety. It seems obvious but seems like it needs to be said whenever this topic comes up--everyone has to do what they're comfortable with. There's a happy medium out there somewhere, and I think most parents are just doing their best to find it.

[Parrothead]

 

 

Truly, maybe convenience. If we are at home, and a child wants a snack, I see no reason why not to give it to him. But we also don't do family meals as a family--DH has a very irregular schedule, and we eat whenever we are hungry.

 

I won't make my children wait for food on purpose, just for the sake of waiting. If, however, there's a reason, I find that they have no problem waiting. Like if we have company and they can't have peanuts, my child will wait for his peanut butter sandwich. Or if we are in a restaurant waiting for a meal--they have no problem waiting. And of course their snacks aren't instantaneous either, so they naturally have to wait. But not because "we don't eat now, wait until dinner time."

 

 

H, I see. Thanks for explaining.