Kids top 5 concerns upon hearing dad is moving out

[Kaleidoscope]

1. Will you still be able to home school us?

*THAT made my day!

2. Will we be poor?

3. Are you SURE you will still be able to home school us even though we will have less money?

4. Does this mean we can have friends over now?

5. Can we play music in the mornings now?

 

 

I expect more concerns to come up... but those were the only concerns they raised today.

[catz]

:grouphug:

[jrn]

:grouphug:

[Guest inoubliable]

:grouphug:

[Arcadia]

:grouphug:

[Dandelion]

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[Susann]

:grouphug: :grouphug: You're right there will be more concerns. But, speaking as an adult who went through my biological mother leaving when I was 8ish, my life became so much better. I have the wonderful life I do now because of it.

[justamouse]

:grouphug:

[justamouse]

:grouphug:

[Orthodox6]

:grouphug:

[Kaleidoscope]

:grouphug: :grouphug: You're right there will be more concerns. But, speaking as an adult who went through my biological mother leaving when I was 8ish, my life became so much better. I have the wonderful life I do now because of it.

 

 

Thanks for sharing that. My kids deserve a better life than they've had so far. I hope this lets them at least have a bit more peace.

[swellmomma]

:grouphug:

 

My dd13 says "don't worry about having less money, your mom will still homeschool you like our mom homeschools us with no dad. We have no money but we still get to do lots of stuff, and be home with here. You just might not get to do things like the expensive summer camps, but that is okay because your mom will find cheaper ones like our mom does. Being poor isn't so bad if you still get to be with your family all the time (except when you are stuck in a small house sharing a room, then being rich would be better so you could have your own room, but that is the only time, oh and to go to disneyland)"

 

Yup priorities of a 13 year old

 

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

[Remudamom]

Bless their hearts.

[Catwoman]

Your kids sound really sweet, and it sounds like they're going to be just fine. :grouphug:

 

And you will be fine, too. :)

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

:grouphug:

[SunnyDays]

I'm so sorry all of you have to go through this. But I hope things are much brighter for you along the journey. :grouphug:

[Corraleno]

:grouphug:

 

Jackie

[Kaleidoscope]

:grouphug:

 

My dd13 says "don't worry about having less money, your mom will still homeschool you like our mom homeschools us with no dad. We have no money but we still get to do lots of stuff, and be home with here. You just might not get to do things like the expensive summer camps, but that is okay because your mom will find cheaper ones like our mom does. Being poor isn't so bad if you still get to be with your family all the time (except when you are stuck in a small house sharing a room, then being rich would be better so you could have your own room, but that is the only time, oh and to go to disneyland)"

 

Yup priorities of a 13 year old

 

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

 

 

Lol. Thanks for sharing.

 

 

[Kaleidoscope]

Your kids sound really sweet, and it sounds like they're going to be just fine. :grouphug:

 

And you will be fine, too. :)

 

 

My kids are incredible. Granted I'm a little bit biased.

[saw]

My kids (and I) are much happier without their dad living with us. There's much less stress in the atmosphere, even though there wasn't any fighting or yelling before. The kids see their dad once every week or so, and they like it that way. They're seeing the positive side to their dad better now than before, and are less affected by the negatives. It isn't all easy but the kids have handled it better than I thought they would. In fact, right after we told them, the girls started making jokes about it. DS is sensitive and high-strung, so I'd warned his school to be on the alert for any odd reactions in him (he boards). Nothing. The school said he has been completely fine. I guess what I'm saying is I thought it was going to be lots more drama than it has turned out to be, so it is possible. Wishing you lots and lots of strength.

[Another Lynn]

:grouphug:

[Alexigail]

hugs to you all

[mytwomonkeys]

:grouphug:

[Night Elf]

:grouphug: Hopefully they will continue sharing their concerns. That's a huge plus.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Their concerns really show what a great job YOU have done thus far. :grouphug:

[jhschool]

:grouphug:

[Kaleidoscope]

Thanks for all the encouragement. Today was harder. DS refused to participate in communion at church because he is angry with God. I'm okay with that, I just hate to see him hurting.

 

DD broke down crying that its her fault. Poor girl.

 

And because I knew it might come up as a prayer request I had to share the news with the kids SS teacher. That was just awkward. This afternoon she sent me a sweet text with the undertone of I hope you both realize this is a mistake. I'm not hurt by the text just sad about it all.

 

I hate this.

 

All day and night I second guess the decision for him to leave.

[Dandelion]

I'm so sorry. I hope you find peace and clarity about what's best for you and your family. :grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

What a hard, hard place to be. Sorry about the idiotic SS teacher crossing boundaries.

 

Does your church (or possibly another local church) have a divorce recovery group for kids? My young cousins benefited from interacting with a group like this.

[swellmomma]

Thanks for all the encouragement. Today was harder. DS refused to participate in communion at church because he is angry with God. I'm okay with that, I just hate to see him hurting.

 

DD broke down crying that its her fault. Poor girl.

 

And because I knew it might come up as a prayer request I had to share the news with the kids SS teacher. That was just awkward. This afternoon she sent me a sweet text with the undertone of I hope you both realize this is a mistake. I'm not hurt by the text just sad about it all.

 

I hate this.

 

All day and night I second guess the decision for him to leave.

 

Hun, if the home in the end will be more peaceful for the children. If it will become more of a safe haven than a prison. If there will be more laughter ringing down the halls than silence or tears. You have 100% made the right choice. It does not make it any easier. It does not make the doubts go away completely nor does it stop the hurting of this needing to be done. But at the end of the day if your children are better off with him out of the home than in it, you have done well and anyone who says anything otherwise whether explicit or implied can kiss your butt because they are not the ones responsible for raising those children, you are.

 

As far as your kids go, I was not a Christian when I left my marriage, that came years later, but I still got mad at God, and sometimes still do over the whole situation. I get mad on behalf of my children who have to face having parents who can not be together. My kids laugh because I have told them that the day that I face judgement and God pulls out the list of my wrongs, I have a list for Him to answer to as well.

 

Your dd is responding in a heartbreaking but normal response. So often kids blame themselves for the parents split.

 

I highly recommend that you find someone whether a child counsellor, family counsellor, some one from church etc for your kids to have a place to work through this grief and transition. I forget if you mentioned before you were already doing so, if you did ignore me on that, if not I highly recommend it. The separation of parents is so hard on kids, even when it was done with their best interests at heart.

 

THings that have helped over the years for my kids is the creation of new traditions. They had to see we were still a family even if someone could no longer be a part of the main grouping. Building traditions solidifies that family bond. SO if you never had a family game night before start one, Or a family movie night, or make fridays baking day. Or how about saturday nights you build a fort and sleep in it. the list goes on. Making new traditions gives the kids a peg to grab onto in proving this is still a whole healthy family even when it is just mom and kids.

[Joanne]

{{{{hugs}}}}

 

I have been there. FWIW, my xh became a better Dad when it was out of the "intact" home and every other weekend.

 

I second the idea of a divorce support class for you and the kids. I did that and it was invaluable.

 

Tell your kids, daily, that it is NOT THEIR FAULT and nothing they did (or didn't do) caused it.

 

I keep writing and deleting response to the SS teacher's passive/aggressive comment. So, I'll just say that I was a Christian at the time of my divorce and it became a source of frustration.

 

For ME, the end of my marriage isn't what I needed hugs for. It was the *marriage* that was difficult. The end was a good thing.

[Ewe Mama]

:grouphug:

[Kaleidoscope]

I know the SS teachers comment is a tone I'll encounter plenty of in the church circle. I figure I can't expect anything different from people who do not know the whole story. And I'm sure some will have the same attitude even if they do know.

 

Truth is once upon a time I would have made just as stupid of a comment.

 

Right now we are supposed to be working towards reunification so the counselors say I should avoid divorce related groups. I do have a name of a counselor for the kids and will pursue that. If we reach the point reconciliation is obviously not happening I will look into the divorce recovery group option.

[dirty ethel rackham]

No advice, just :grouphug: and prayers.

[Scarlett]

1. Will you still be able to home school us?

*THAT made my day!

2. Will we be poor?

3. Are you SURE you will still be able to home school us even though we will have less money?

4. Does this mean we can have friends over now?

5. Can we play music in the mornings now?

 

 

I expect more concerns to come up... but those were the only concerns they raised today.

 

 

Aw. Heartbreaking isn't it? My ds was 9 at the time and he asked me how we would buy food.

[Catwoman]

I know the SS teachers comment is a tone I'll encounter plenty of in the church circle. I figure I can't expect anything different from people who do not know the whole story. And I'm sure some will have the same attitude even if they do know.

 

I'll say this as gently as I can, but if you think the people at your church are not going to be supportive, are you sure this is the right church for you at this time? You're already going through enough, and I would hate to think that you will also have to deal with judgment from the people who should be the most sympathetic and understanding. I would also be concerned about what some of those people might say to your children.

[Kaleidoscope]

 

 

I'll say this as gently as I can, but if you think the people at your church are not going to be supportive, are you sure this is the right church for you at this time? You're already going through enough, and I would hate to think that you will also have to deal with judgment from the people who should be the most sympathetic and understanding. I would also be concerned about what some of those people might say to your children.

 

I have concerns but for now I'm staying put. Originally they seemed like they'd be very unsupportive. However the more Ive talked with my pastor the more supportive he has become.

I went in with a long list of concerns and we discussed each one I left feeling more at ease. I know he's also been educating himself on this type of situation and I appreciate that. Of course it could all change in an instant. I am still skeptical. I just don't want to run based on my fear.

 

I expect I'll find unsupportive people everywhere. Especially since most people will know nothing more than I asked what looks like a wonderful man to move out and he cooperates out of love but he is totally heartbroken.