Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Those are not invitations. People do not need to RSVP to them. If you send out save-the-date announcements but no invitation, people cannot RSVP to the wedding and will plan something else on that day. That is all. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty.warden Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Doesn't it kinda defeat the purpose of calling it a "save the date" if it's just an announcement and not an invitation to the wedding? My circle of friends is so small I've never received an announcement for a wedding I wasn't invited to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Doesn't it kinda defeat the purpose of calling it a "save the date" if it's just an announcement and not an invitation to the wedding? My circle of friends is so small I've never received an announcement for a wedding I wasn't invited to. IDK. What it does mean is a bunch of money thrown down a black hole, especially when you have a very limited budget. One doesn't need to announce a wedding. One only needs to invite people. With an actual invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 IDK. What it does mean is a bunch of money thrown down a black hole, especially when you have a very limited budget. One doesn't need to announce a wedding. One only needs to invite people. With an actual invitation. :iagree: I'll save the date when you send me an invitation. We once received a "save the date" for a wedding scheduled for almost 2 years in the future. Yeah. Sure. We "saved the date." :rolleyes: (The couple never did get married...) I know people just want to give their guests a heads-up on their wedding date, even when they haven't solidified all of the plans well enough to mail out formal invitations, but it sort of seems like they're calling dibs on a particular day so they can stake a claim on it, in case someone else wants to plan a gathering on the same date. "Sorry, Uncle Bob. You can't have your 50th anniversary dinner on that date -- we already called dibs on it." Seems a little like playground behavior to me, but what do I know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I only get save the date wedding announcements verbally while the couple's wedding invite was being printed. The couple just wanted to check if I would be in town. The only other time was when the couple needed help on the actual day so I am both the guest and the helper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 They can also be risky when people send them out really early. We received a save-the-date card a year before the wedding; a few months later, we received a markedly less cheerful don't-save-the-date-after-all. Of course weddings get called off all the time, but this just seems to be tempting fate. ETA: I've decided to claim Cat's anecdote as evidence for my point rather than proof that I'm an unoriginal thinker and slow typist. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I've appreciated the ones I've received. They were special weddings, involving travel for us. While 6 months is too early to start asking people for RSVPs and firm commitments, it is a great time to give people a head's up so they can save the weekend and make travel plans if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 The reason for a Save the Date is so folks who are coming from far away can start making plans to be there before you have all the details squared away that you might want to put in an invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 This was the first save-the-date announcement I've ever gotten. It came in a beautiful envelope, with a beautiful *magnet* to put on the fridge. I can only imagine how profitable this is to stationers, that they can sucker save-the-date plus multiple-piece invitations plus whatever else they can manage to convince happy couples that They Must Have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 The reason for a Save the Date is so folks who are coming from far away can start making plans to be there before you have all the details squared away that you might want to put in an invitation. I understand why people do it. But it is still *not* an invitation to which you must RSVP. And if people you are sending them to are people you care about, you've already told them you're getting married so they can plan ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 The only one I've ever received was for a cousin and it involved traveling across several states. I don't think they even sent them to everyone, but just to those who they felt would need to know a concrete date far in advance. I appreciated it because if it was sent just a few months before we would not have been able to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Wouldn't a phone call or email work just as well, and save the expense? I mean, if it's about logistically planning for family who you know needs to make travel plans, etc, wouldn't an email or call saying, "Hey, Aunt Joan, we've set our wedding day as _____. We'll be sending out invitations, but know that it's more complicated for you to make it, so wanted to give you a head's up now. We realized that b/c of ____, more time could make the diff btwn you being able to share this w/us, and really wanted to ensure that you didn't miss being here b/c of short notice." Wouldn't THAT make more sense? Or am I being practical, common sensical, and financially responsible again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Wouldn't a phone call or email work just as well, and save the expense? I mean, if it's about logistically planning for family who you know needs to make travel plans, etc, wouldn't an email or call saying, "Hey, Aunt Joan, we've set our wedding day as _____. We'll be sending out invitations, but know that it's more complicated for you to make it, so wanted to give you a head's up now. We realized that b/c of ____, more time could make the diff btwn you being able to share this w/us, and really wanted to ensure that you didn't miss being here b/c of short notice." Wouldn't THAT make more sense? Or am I being practical, common sensical, and financially responsible again? YES!!! EXACTLY!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Back when we were planning our wedding, this was just one more example of what my husband termed "brainwashing by the wedding mafia." You must have this to have a successful wedding or you will regret it forever! It's your day! Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Back when we were planning our wedding, this was just one more example of what my husband termed "brainwashing by the wedding mafia." You must have this to have a successful wedding or you will regret it forever! It's your day! Erica in OR Exactly. Mr. Erica in OR is a smart man. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 For one family member's wedding we received printed engagement announcement, invite to the engagement party, invite to bridal shower, save the date, invite to wedding, and invite to rehearsal dinner. We lived in a different country and they knew we weren't coming, but they insisted they didn't want us to feel left out. I would not be able to justify the cost, but I do understand why people send them out to guests who have to make travel arrangements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I've appreciated the ones I've received. They were special weddings, involving travel for us. While 6 months is too early to start asking people for RSVPs and firm commitments, it is a great time to give people a head's up so they can save the weekend and make travel plans if necessary. I agree. They are a very thoughtful heads up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 For one family member's wedding we received printed engagement announcement, invite to the engagement party, invite to bridal shower, save the date, invite to wedding, and invite to rehearsal dinner. We lived in a different country and they knew we weren't coming, but they insisted they didn't want us to feel left out. I would not be able to justify the cost, but I do understand why people send them out to guests who have to make travel arrangements. The save-the-date announcement I received was from someone I go to church with. Engraved engagement announcements are fine. Handwritten invitations to engagement parties and bridal showers are fine, of course. Engraved invitations to the wedding...well, of course. Handwritten invitations to the rehearsal dinner...well, that's a whole different critter, as really, the purpose of that is supposed to be some refreshments following the rehearsal, for those who are in the wedding party, and therefore don't really need "invitations," but that has really gotten out of hand...and needs a whole thread on its own, lol. Printed save the date announcements...money makers for stationers/printers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I still don't get why a phone call/email wouldn't suffice. Like I said, I get folks who need more than average notice. But why formal, printed cards? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I've received two save the date announcements in the last six months. I can see sending them to out of town guests so they have plenty of time to book super saver fares or whatever they need to do. Or if the wedding is going to be during a busy season, like around Christmas. Both the save the date (we don't want to abbreviate that do we?) announcements have fit those criteria. But you are correct, Ellie. They do not require a RSVP. They don't require much at all. And sending them Willie-hilly is costly. You would think in these tough economic times brides would think this through better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I still don't get why a phone call/email wouldn't suffice. Like I said, I get folks who need more than average notice. But why formal, printed cards? I've only received one and it was to a big wedding with lots of out of town guests. So, I'm assuming it was much easier for them to have someone mail out save the date cards than to call or email each one individually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 We did our wedding invites on the laser printer at my work. I bought some nice cardstock, we did them 4-per-page, and I got some invitation-sized envelopes in bulk at Staples. Now they actually sell kits like that, but at the time everyone was positively horrified. I liked them, and the cost was minimal. I'd rather put the money into the food. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I did the same Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I still don't get why a phone call/email wouldn't suffice. Like I said, I get folks who need more than average notice. But why formal, printed cards? I don't have a problem with them. I'm very absent-minded, so having an actual piece of paper helps me. And I can see that for a busy working couple, it would be easiest to delegate the task to the wedding planner person, to make sure everyone got the info. (I didn't have a wedding planner person, but I can see how a busy working couple might.) If people are traveling, especially overseas, then they will benefit from knowing the date long before the details of specific time, etc., are worked out. I wonder if it's used more when many guests must travel a significant distance? My extended family ranges over several countries on several continents, so going to a wedding is a fairly large undertaking, both financially and schedule-wise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 I still don't get why a phone call/email wouldn't suffice. Like I said, I get folks who need more than average notice. But why formal, printed cards? Yup, I'm with you on all counts. And in this case, it wasn't only the formal, printed card; it was a refrigerator magnet. The bride spent a fortune on those, I'm sure. Furthermore, because I did not RSVP to the save-the-date announcement, I did not recieve an invitation to the wedding. :blink: :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 I got one of those once. I didn't mind it because I did have to make travel arrangements and the more time I had to plan that the better. See, most of you who said you "didn't mind" the save-the-date announcements had special considerations because you needed to make travel arrangements. A telephone call/e-mail/snail-mail letter would have done the same thing as having save-the-date cards printed and mailed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My husband is a wedding photographer, and people getting married are crazy! His best friend recently did a save the date shoot with extensive props, including a vintage car! DH had someone recently fly down from NY to do a STD shoot, they also are doing a separate engagement shoot in the spring >.< . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Yup, I'm with you on all counts. And in this case, it wasn't only the formal, printed card; it was a refrigerator magnet. The bride spent a fortune on those, I'm sure. Furthermore, because I did not RSVP to the save-the-date announcement, I did not recieve an invitation to the wedding. :blink: :huh: Well, at least you have a lovely commemorative magnet to remind you of the wedding to which you were not invited. I'm sure you will cherish it more and more in the years to come. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Well, at least you have a lovely commemorative magnet to remind you of the wedding to which you were not invited. I'm sure you will cherish it more and more in the years to come. :p :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I still don't get why a phone call/email wouldn't suffice. Like I said, I get folks who need more than average notice. But why formal, printed cards? Scenario 1: When Cousin Allison calls I say, "Oh how great! We'll plan on it!" except that I have no flipping clue where my calendar is, so I figure I'll write it down on the back of this envelope. And I hang up the phone because the cat is throwing up on dd's shoes, then the doorbell rings with my crazy neighbor, and in the meantime dh decides to clean off the counter. What was that date again? Oops. I'll have to call her back, which I'll get around to ... probably never, because I also need to call the dentist, and call the vet, and get the oil changed in the car. Scenario 2: Cousin Allison sends a postcard. It looks important, so no one throws it away. I can deal with crazed neighbors and sick cats and dentist and oil change, and still have the postcard with the info on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 No wedding at all is being the most practical and financially responsible. Choosing to have a wedding is choosing an indulgence. Who cares if a bride chooses to send out an official 'save the date?' It seems like nit picking to question a bride's every expense when you aren't the one footing the bill. I agree, though, that a save the date card isn't a real invitation, and it also carries no authority. I don't actually have to save that date if Idon't want. Wouldn't a phone call or email work just as well, and save the expense? I mean, if it's about logistically planning for family who you know needs to make travel plans, etc, wouldn't an email or call saying, "Hey, Aunt Joan, we've set our wedding day as _____. We'll be sending out invitations, but know that it's more complicated for you to make it, so wanted to give you a head's up now. We realized that b/c of ____, more time could make the diff btwn you being able to share this w/us, and really wanted to ensure that you didn't miss being here b/c of short notice." Wouldn't THAT make more sense? Or am I being practical, common sensical, and financially responsible again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Scenario 1: When Cousin Allison calls I say, "Oh how great! We'll plan on it!" except that I have no flipping clue where my calendar is, so I figure I'll write it down on the back of this envelope. And I hang up the phone because the cat is throwing up on dd's shoes, then the doorbell rings with my crazy neighbor, and in the meantime dh decides to clean off the counter. What was that date again? Oops. I'll have to call her back, which I'll get around to ... probably never, because I also need to call the dentist, and call the vet, and get the oil changed in the car. Scenario 2: Cousin Allison sends a postcard. It looks important, so no one throws it away. I can deal with crazed neighbors and sick cats and dentist and oil change, and still have the postcard with the info on it. Scenario 3: You get the actual wedding invitation in the mail, to which you RSVP. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Yup, I'm with you on all counts. And in this case, it wasn't only the formal, printed card; it was a refrigerator magnet. The bride spent a fortune on those, I'm sure. Furthermore, because I did not RSVP to the save-the-date announcement, I did not recieve an invitation to the wedding. :blink: :huh: So you got a save the date but not the invitation? That was Klassy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 So you got a save the date but not the invitation? That was Klassy. I know, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I know, right? Next thing you know. the happy couple will want to know where the save the date gift is. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I agree completely. We got one from my cousin and a couple of weeks later my uncle called, upset that we hadn't responded!!!!!??? There was no RSVP on the "save the date"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I guess I'm just old and crabby, but I see the whole "save the date" thing to be yet another instance of people thinking that their wedding is the center of the universe, and everyone they have ever met should be sitting by the mailbox, anxiously waiting to see if they made the cut and will be invited to the Occasion of the Century. :glare: Ummm... no. Your wedding matters to you and it probably matters to your close friends and immediate family members. I have met you twice. I barely remember you. So don't be so arrogant to assume that I'll be "saving the date" when there is almost no way that I could possibly care less if or when you're getting married. I'm not saying that your "save the date" card won't be helpful, because it will; it'll give me extra time before I receive your "real" wedding invitation to come up with a plausible excuse as to why I won't be able to attend. Look, I can understand informing important, loved guests well in advance if they'll be traveling from out of town, but people are sending these notices to casual acquaintances who live around the corner, and who may not even care if they're invited to the wedding. I don't care what those shows on TLC want them to believe; their wedding just isn't that important in the overall scheme of most people's lives, and they really need to get over themselves. And one more thing -- don't tell me how you and your intended had to move back into your mom's basement because you couldn't afford to pay the rent on your apartment, when you're also sending me a formal engraved Save the Date card in an envelope addressed by a professional calligrapher. I'm probably not going to have a whole lot of sympathy for you. (And yes, this actually happened.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 We sent save the date with our invites. We had people coming from out of state and they put something small on the fridge rather than our whole invite. We also included stamped RSVP cards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Personally, I take the save the date card and throw it in the trash. I'll let you know if I can attend when I get an invite. I don't reserve dates 1 year plus out. Life happens. But, if it makes the bride and groom happy to send them out it is no skin off my nose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I like the save-the-date magnets. I can always use more fridge magnets because my kids always run off with them. Of course, I've always received an invite later. I'd much rather receive a save-the-date than a shower invitation. I despise gift showers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :iagree: I'll save the date when you send me an invitation. We once received a "save the date" for a wedding scheduled for almost 2 years in the future. Yeah. Sure. We "saved the date." :rolleyes: (The couple never did get married...) It's this part that I don't understand. This happened to us, also. A distant relative sent a "Save the Date" refrigerator magnet for a date almost two years in the future. They are a cute couple, so I suppose I don't mind seeing them on my fridge every time I want some cream for my tea, but... TWO YEARS? If they don't actually invite us, I'm going to put their magnet in the septic tank (only kidding). Here's how to do it properly. Ahem -- my PSA -- don't take forever. Just do it. I met my husband (eHarmony, LOL) in September. He moved across the country in December, proposed in February, and we were married in May. Too horny to wait, I guess... :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I really like the save the date refrigerator magnet I got from my nephew. I'm not sure I'd stick some work colleague's photo on my fridge, but a close family member certainly deserves that honor. It also allowed us to make sure we were back in the US in time for dh to go to the wedding. Of course, he would have known the date way in advance anyway since he talks to his brother all the time, but the visual reminder was handy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I think they're supposed to be for if the wedding is on a major holiday weekend or in a far-away place, so that people are aware of the fact that it's going on and can arrange their travel plans accordingly. Still, it's kind of silly. Anyone who's that important to the happy couple will already know about the wedding well in advance. The rest, if they're unaware of the wedding while making alternate holiday weekend travel plans, will probably prefer their own vacation. The ones I've received have usually been Disney Princes-themed. Now, I have nothing whatsoever against Disney princesses under the age of twelve or so!!! That just proves that it's about wasting money and showing off (wedding sites tell you to make them fun and whimsical :001_rolleyes: ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Wait! You are all getting fridge magnets? I'm getting lousy cards that I have to use my own magnets to hang on the fridge. What a gyp! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My nephew and his bride sent out a save the date announcement. They figured the gifts would start arriving, people could plan and they could work on their invitation list. My understanding is the the save the date list was larger than the actual wedding invite list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zuzu822 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Yup, I'm with you on all counts. And in this case, it wasn't only the formal, printed card; it was a refrigerator magnet. The bride spent a fortune on those, I'm sure. Furthermore, because I did not RSVP to the save-the-date announcement, I did not receive an invitation to the wedding. :blink: :huh: Not necessarily. We had magnets made as our wedding favors, and it was between $20-40 for 100 for so. Very reasonable, I thought, and that was only 8 years ago. You don't have to have them made through a "wedding vendor." :001_smile: As for the rest of it, well I agree with a PP that it sounds like a Klassy situation. On STDs in general, I'm neutral. We didn't do them, but I have appreciated them for distant out-of-town relatives. It gave us some time to think and plan if we want to go, or if it would even be possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :iagree: I'm not saving any card or date until the wedding invitation arrives. I've got enough junk mail and paper piling up around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My nephew and his bride sent out a save the date announcement. They figured the gifts would start arriving, people could plan and they could work on their invitation list. My understanding is the the save the date list was larger than the actual wedding invite list. What? Why would they send save the date cards/magnets to people they were not intending to invite to the wedding? That is the whole point of saving the date, so people can attend the wedding. :ohmy: And gifts for a save the date? :svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I like the save-the-date magnets. I can always use more fridge magnets because my kids always run off with them. Of course, I've always received an invite later. I'd much rather receive a save-the-date than a shower invitation. I despise gift showers. Some STD cards do include RSVP info. The two we have received this year both included the web address to the online wedding site for the couple. Both wedding sites had a link for RSVPs. They also had links to gift registry's, maps to the wedding venue, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 On STDs in general, I'm neutral. For a minute there, I was wondering why you would be neutral on the subject of STDs... and then I realized we were still talking about SAVE THE DATE cards... :blush: I think I need more caffeine this morning. All of the pistons in my brain don't seem to be firing yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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