Are you an intellectual misfit in your family of origin?

[Jean in Newcastle]

My family is not dumb and they aren't uneducated. But . . . no one, including my sister who was a teacher for 30 years, has any interest or curiosity about intellectual pursuits. One sister (the rude one) asked if I was a changeling since I actually am interested in the classics. Even my brother who homeschooled has no real intellectual curiosity. They think I've ruined my kids - not by homeschooling them but by making them intellectual geeks as well (at least my son). Being able to talk about the classics etc. on this board has been a lifesaver for me. How do you fit in with your family intellectually?

[AimeeM]

Perhaps, but not on the same level as you (re The Classics). I actually have very little interest in the classics; my intellectual pursuits lean more towards history, science, and figuring out where I went wrong in math :p

[Karen in CO]

My brother, sister and I all went to the same classical Christian school so we all have the same foundation. It really helps us. The three of us don't fit into the rest of our family. There are many very smart but uneducated or self educated people scattered through our family, but I love having siblings with the same classical background. They, along with my professor sil, who went to the same school, are the only people in real life I know that have read Moby Dick more than twice and who read challenging literature and challenging non-fiction for fun. They can carry on an intelligent conversation about sports, French philosophers, or American poets as well as help a kid with algebra homework, diagram sentences and translate Latin.

[sahm99]

Yes, but the other way 'round...

 

My family of origin is what I would describe as "highly intellectual".

I grew up with literally hours of "socratic discussions"...daily, and about every aspect of life! No TV, no popular culture. Tons of books and lots, lots of discussions.

Nothing, but the power of the mind was valued, and my mother took pride (and still does) in repeating: "nice is not enough" (talking about a person's character).

 

While I always was (and still am!) very close to my parents and have the memory of an amazingly rich childhood/youth, the way I was brought up is not something I wanted to replicate with my own children..

 

I felt like a rebel when I popped in that very first Disney DVD...and am still recuperating from the embarassment of having them involved in competitive sports (gasp!)

[justamouse]

HA! Good question. I don't, that's why I'm here.

[DawnM]

I think intellectual can often mean more than discussing the Classics. My father is a surgeon. If he is operating on you, I am quite sure you will care more about his intellectual pursuits as they relate to medicine than his intellectual pursuits as they relate to classical literature and the like.

 

However, I could never have the intellectual ability he has to understand and study medicine, it just isn't in me.

 

So, I think we all have to look at what we mean by intellectual ability and accept that some people will know a lot about things we don't and vice versa.

 

Now, yes, there are a host of people who really would rather plunk in front of the TV on a regular basis than do just about any intellectual/mental stimulation, but I would never say that one has to be interested in the Classics to be intellectual.

 

Dawn

[I.Dup.]

My parents and one of my older sisters are VERY well educated and well read. I am getting there, lol.

[PachiSusan]

Yes, but for my archaeological bent.,,

[AK_Mom4]

No, just a regular misfit. :tongue_smilie:

 

Someday I HOPE to be an intellectual misfit, but all the education I got in that department has come from learning along my kids. I never read the classics, never read an essay, never had a socratic discussion on anything growing up, but neither did anyone else in my family.

[acablue]

You know how in The Big Bang Theory, the guys make fun of Howard for not having a PhD and only being an engineer? I'm my family's Howard. It's better than being a Leonard though.

[PachiSusan]

I think we all have to look at what we mean by intellectual ability and accept that some people will know a lot about things we don't and vice versa.

 

Now, yes, there are a host of people who really would rather plunk in front of the TV on a regular basis than do just about any intellectual/mental stimulation, but I would never say that one has to be interested in the Classics to be intellectual.

 

Dawn

 

That's a very good point. Thank you!

[DawnM]

The funny thing for me is that I don't relish reading Classics. I read many in high school and college because I HAD to. I taught it because I got paid to do it.

 

I never read much on my own for fun. Dickens and Kipling maybe, but not many others.

 

However, because I was made to read them, I have a general working knowledge of the books and can carry on at least a reasonable conversation, enough to make one think I am somewhat intelligent in the subject.

 

Dawn

 

No, just a regular misfit. :tongue_smilie:

 

Someday I HOPE to be an intellectual misfit, but all the education I got in that department has come from learning along my kids. I never read the classics, never read an essay, never had a socratic discussion on anything growing up, but neither did anyone else in my family.

[TravelingChris]

No not really but I only have my brother left and we get along and can understand each other's intellectual passions, even if we don't always share them. My parents were both part of what in Europe was called the Intelligensia and they raised us in that sort of fashion. We listened to classical music and went to art museums and other museums. We were all big readers.

 

Now my dh is a total misfit. He was from an early age. He didn't want to do the things his older brothers did- like watch baseball as an obsession and read comics. He was interested in astronomy as a young elementary student and he got the National Geographic subscription for his 8th birthday. HIs parents did do things like buy him some books and that magazine subscription. One of his older brothers actually had a good telescope later. BUt what happened with my dh was that a neighbor kid who was the same age as his next older brother was also interested in science. That led to the three of them doing a lot of science things as kids and later teens. The neighbor kid and my dh both became physicists. His brother who was the other part of the threesome, became a bum-- he never had been all that interested in the science but just went along with the two of them. But neither dh's parents nor his brothers ever really understood. DH wanted to escape the whole environment- the smoke filled house, the constant tv, the mom who acted the martyr and made individual meals for all members of the family, the complete lack of ambition for anything- be it success, intellectual stimulation, character growth or anything. My FIL was an avid reader of newspapers and magazines and he would watch documentaries so he was the main person we would talk with when we did visit. His mother, resentful for having to quit high school to go to work even though she was a great student, never pursued any learning except crochet and knitting patterns. It was a bleak place and I didn't like it there. His older brothers were worse than the parents in anti-intellectualism.

 

So now we have the life dh wanted and I grew up with. We go to Symphony concerts, read lots, visit museums, and love to learn. We have passed on these things to our kids and they have all taken to it. Oh, and that doesn't mean we won't watch sports or do sports since we do both of those things. We are very comfortable talking with very educated people like us and with marginally educated. Which is good since we live here in an area that has a very sharp divide- lots of very educated, nerdy people and then lots of marginally educated. We mostly socialize with the educated.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Christina, I can relate to what you said. It isn't just reading classics that I'm talking about. It's more of a mindset of wanting to learn, to experience the arts, to stretch ourselves intellectually. I still read a lot of twaddle. I watch silly t.v. shows. I still make corny puns on the Forum Games thread. . . I think it's more of a case that I like to talk and read about ideas. My FOO doesn't.

[PachiSusan]

Christina, I can relate to what you said. It isn't just reading classics that I'm talking about. It's more of a mindset of wanting to learn, to experience the arts, to stretch ourselves intellectually. I still read a lot of twaddle. I watch silly t.v. shows. I still make corny puns on the Forum Games thread. . . I think it's more of a case that I like to talk and read about ideas. My FOO doesn't.

 

 

What's a FOO?

 

ETA that I am completely laughing at myself now. FOO was in the title!! LOL

[Jean in Newcastle]

FOO = Family of Origin

[lavender's green]

I am a total intellectual misfit. Most of my extended family is the type to get home from work and plonk in front of the television with a few beers and a bag of chips for the rest of the day. They actually look down on me in a reverse-snob way.

[dangermom]

My mom and I are the readers, and we talk book-stuff. My dad and my husband talk computers and politics (they are best buds, ha). My siblings vary--I have a punk intellectual brother, a German intellectual brother, and a computer geek brother and sister. It's best not to talk politics with any of them.

 

My mom is smarter than me and I will never catch up. Every time I read something huge and amazing, she has already done it.

[jolley]

My family is intellectual but there was a big push for being "well rounded", either excelling in sports or fine arts. We only had tv for 2 years and my mother thought our minds would rot. :laugh: I am the only grandchild that doesn't have at least a masters. I tried to do that with my dc. My dh is a tech nut and I am slowly learning to embrace it as an educational tool.

[Jean in Newcastle]

And for the record - I love my family. I respect them as people. I get along with them just fine. I just don't feel in tune with them when it comes to how we interact with the world and where our passions lie.

[PachiSusan]

FOO = Family of Origin

 

Gotcha!! I've been online since the mid 90's and I think that's one of the first times I've run across that one! Thank you!

[DawnM]

I understand.

 

And for the record - I love my family. I respect them as people. I get along with them just fine. I just don't feel in tune with them when it comes to how we interact with the world and where our passions lie.

 

[Momof3littles]

Total misfit. I come from a family of non book readers, they aren't particularly intellectually curious, etc. My dad attended a year of college, my mother did not have the opportunity. 2 of my 4 siblings finished college 2 decades ago, but they would never pick up a book now. My grandfather and my dad's siblings are or were very intellectually curious people, highly educated, read a lot, etc. but in my immediate family, I am definitely a misfit. I adore my family though. They have far better interpersonal skills than I. My parents can strike up a conversation with a total stranger and have a good friend shortly thereafter. I am a total introvert. Not shy, but the thought of chatting up strangers exhausts me!

[tex-mex]

Um... I don't fit in.

 

Considering my family are the Hispanic version of Honey Boo-Boo Child... I was a "square" peg in a round hole with my family!! :laugh:

[GailV]

Nope, we're pretty much all the same insofar as intellectual and cultural pursuits. It's really sort of boring.

[mommaduck]

My family is not dumb and they aren't uneducated. But . . . no one, including my sister who was a teacher for 30 years, has any interest or curiosity about intellectual pursuits. One sister (the rude one) asked if I was a changeling since I actually am interested in the classics. Even my brother who homeschooled has no real intellectual curiosity. They think I've ruined my kids - not by homeschooling them but by making them intellectual geeks as well (at least my son). Being able to talk about the classics etc. on this board has been a lifesaver for me. How do you fit in with your family intellectually?

On my mother's side, no. My father's side is split. My husband's father's side, no. My husband's mother's side sees academic pursuit as useless and get irritated by anyone that knows more than they do (and few of them actually take pride in ignorance and have stated that they intend to make certain their children have no more education, rather less, than they do...heaven forbid the kids get out from under their thumbs).

[TravelingChris]

I am also a misfit sometimes when I am with people who are politically compatriots. First of all, I have mostly the same desires as they do but I am a bit more of a pragmatist than many, generally a person who likes a glass half filled to an empty glass. Also, my family all like to listen to NPR and watch some of the stuff on PBS> That doesn't mean I think government needs to fund it but I do like many of the programs and yes, I do walk the walk since I do contribute my own money,. NOw considering that I am a conservative Republican, this isn't a popular view. BUt I like to hear the different news pieces they have- some I definitely don't agree with- but many have nothing to do with politics- they are on science or history or literature or music or a myriad of other things. It is an easy way I can learn something.

[LucyStoner]

Of my siblings I am an intellectual misfit. They are both smart in their own ways but not curious and not life long learners so to speak. Neither has opted to attend college (not that college is a signifier of intellectual curiosity.).

 

That said however, my parents, especially my mom were very intellectually active and curious despite low levels of higher education. On my mom's side, intellect = bad and she was a total misfit for being a voracious reader. On my Dad's side, there are many intellectual types.

[Heather in Neverland]

I am a misfit in many ways in my FOO:

 

I have three college degrees. There is only one other person in my whole family that has a college degree (and my family is huge).

 

I am the only one who homeschools.

 

I am the only one who has adopted.

 

I am the only one who has moved away from the region where we grew up.

 

I am part of a small group who are Christian.

 

 

 

My family thinks I am weird but in a way that shows respect, if that makes any sense. Like I am this rare bird or something.

[swellmomma]

yes but in different ways than you listed. My family strives for intellectual growth as long as it furthers their careers. So my sister is working on her master's now, my parent's went to college when I was tween in order to advance their careers. I am the only one that did not do that at all. so I am a misfit in that way. BUT I am the only one that learns for the sake of learning and reads classics and non fiction and is always eager to learn something new. My sister who teaches highschool mathm, social studies and legal studies to adults upgrading their high school thinks teaching the classic literature, forgien languages etc is a waste of time. She thinks reading books about parenting, or teaching, or anything else that will broaden someone's mind is a waste of time. She read magazines, her course text books and regular brain candy novels only. Even when she was not doing her master's she didn't challenge herself to read more. I am the only one that regularily signs up for workshops etc to learn new things etc. None of my family is dumb, in fact most are quite smart. But they severely limit themselves. And not just with books and classes etc but even with life skills etc. My sister and mom expecially have decided because they have husbands they do not need to learn life skills like home maintainence, auto upkeep, etc. They look at me like I have a 3rd eye if I talk about installing a laminate floor by myself(which I learned to do from youtube lol) the same way they do if I discuss reading a particular book that didn't make it to Oprah's book list.

 

Then again I am a misfit compared to my family in most of what I do.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My brothers and sisters are all very intelligent and intellectually curious. It comes from my father's side, where almost everyone is very cerebral. My mother's side- not so much.

[lllll]

..

[Rosie_0801]

Happily I began indoctrinating my brother from an early age. Otherwise, my father pooh poohed most of what we have got into until he grew up a bit. Now he thinks he's wiser than he really is, and likes to tell me things I've known for as long as I can remember. I do my best to stick to two subjects, the weather and everybody's health...

 

Mum was no intellectual to begin with, though she had potential which was stolen away by her badly managed mental illness. Still, she patiently listens to my brother and I waffle on about whatever is tickling our current fancy. She's never been one to say "What do you want to know that for?" My sister is better educated than I am on paper, but it doesn't really transfer to real life. She mostly ignores us.

 

The aunt who provides our living arrangements here is no intellectual, in fact she was barely literate when I was a kid, but over the years she's accumulated a stack of "bits of paper." She claims to be the best educated tip worker (tip=dump) in the country, hehhe. She only discourages intellectual pursuits because she thinks we should be focussing on useful things like plumbing and sourcing tempeh spores, but her discouragement is more a figure of speech for her than real thinking. What she really thinks, is if it's not playing the pokies, it's not a bad way to spend a bit of time and it might come in handy one day. As long as I also garden and help her fix the plumbing. ;) The other aunts? Well they run the gamut from picking on me because people in the "real world" don't care about maths or literature to "let them be children" and "if it even sniffs of schoolishness, it isn't fun so you shouldn't do it outside of school time." That aunt has the sort of child who is systematically training her out of that latter idea though, and she happily looks forward to the schoolish stuff I send her boy for Christmas.

[Ecclecticmum]

Yes and No. My family are just so far up in the clouds its not funny, but they all do have their own talents as well. They tend to be genius in their particular fields, but outside that, the lightbulbs don't shine rofl. I love my family, though, of course.

 

My mother is a financial whiz (where I get my mad math skillz from :p ) and learnt sewing/housekeeping/knitting skills from her mum (which sadly she never passed onto me), she lives inside her own head, and is rather selfish, so general pursuits or self-education is rather out of the question. I try to have a general laymans intellectual discussion with her and she'll zone out/talk about her complaints or start playing solitaire.

 

My bioglogical father was an artist. He definitely lived in his own head, and other than the beautiful pieces of art he used to make, theres nothing else going on (I honestly think his genius hand belonged to someone else, lol).

 

My brother is a few pennies short. Not by biological means, but by laziness. I think he works harder at not working than he would if he actually worked. He managed to receive his gift from my fathers side, he was a very good cartoonist who got some sort of full scholarship acceptance to a Disney based art college? and my father said one thing to him about it not being a real job (can I just say ha! when he used to do it?) and he just flopped, gave up, and squandered away anything he had. He's rude, mean and selfish, and a lot of animals seem to die or disappear at his hands :/

 

I love to create/paint/make things, I guess I inherited that love off my father, whilst I'm okay at doing things, I don't think I have anywhere near the talent of my father/brother. Maths I breezed through, I seemed to somehow know everything before the teacher taught it (no idea how, if someone figures out how this works, I would love to know, it confuddles me!).

 

My talent I suppose is something of a philosophical/wisdom/pyschology bent. I see patterns where nobody else does (LOL! now I'm starting to sound like a TV program, but I'm not sure how to explain it), it allows me to help people, give advice, ponder about the workings of the mind/brain etc, and look like I'm telling the future (when really all I see is a predictable rhythm most people follow, no matter how you "change" in your life, you never tend to step outside this certain circle, it supports your reactions, how you think, what you do, down to the most minutest detail. This can allow me to say answer the door, say some greetings, have that person reply, and generally know their particular "circle". I've been able to successfully determine about a 20 domino effect "future" based on one person I met, and several people I never had, and several more I had never really heard of. When It gets late I also tend to spiral more into these workings & meanings of the mind and the body, because my body tends to like to push the information out before I bed (so I definitely need quiet "me" time of an evening). Also poor DH sometimes interrupts me that time of evening, and has to listen to a 20 minute ramble on the "meaning" of something :laugh: Mornings though, I'm pretty much a zombie, brain dead.

 

So in short, Do I think I'm an intellectual? Nope. I'm a pihlosophising Psychologist (probably why people instantly dislike me :leaving: :laugh:

 

I suppose the intellectual in my family would be my stepfather, he's very science nerdy and has read a lot of the great books, will star talking and you just go :confused1: *What is he talking about? Is he speaking spanglish again? :bored: * He's also the one if you dare ask a simple question like "Why is the sky blue?" Instead of the steretypical fathers answers of "because it is" or "because...planet....world blah blah" NOOOOOO. He would proceed to give a college thesis worthy THREE HOUR explanation on exactly 100% why the sky is blue that will somehow get all the way down to atoms, physics, and cover the WHOLE K-12 SYLLABUS on science. :svengo: Although this made me learn very quickly the art of tuning out and still looking completely like I am listening for the entire lecture. :ph34r:

[Shamzanne]

Yes!!! I am no super intellectual but I am so different from anyone in my family it is almost comical. When friends meet my family they are in disbelief that I actually come from them. It is not only intellectual interests but also politics and religion. At our last family gathering a few weeks ago I got a remark about the gift of a few books I gave my five year old nephew. They said they didn't know where to put the books as they didn't have a bookshelf. I asked where they kept their other books and they told me that they don't own any books. Like zero. I was so flabbergasted I didn't know whether to burst out laughing or crying!

 

Nobody in the family reads outside of trashy romance novels. My mom loves to buy books at yard sales just so she can use them as decoration. Seriously. They also openly mock intellectualism. They treat me as though I'm putting on airs if I attend the opera or an orchestra performance. I have let comments that belittled people like me slide off my back for years, but now with my daughter I've had to put my foot down.

[Renee in NC]

Yes with regards to my father's side, but they are all smarter than I am. :tongue_smilie: Really, though, most of the family is pretty intellectual and education is highly regarded.

 

My mother's family? Not an intellectual type among the bunch. My mother is very smart, but she never reads, never learns about new topics unless they are related to her business, etc.

 

My husband sometimes tells me I think too much. :rofl: Many times I am talking to him, and he'll say, "I have no idea what you just said!" It is difficult in the sense that I want my dc to think, be up on current events, etc. but they tend to be more into mud trucks, TV, etc. It's an up hill battle that I don't plan on giving up. :patriot:

[SKL]

My family is very smart. My mom isn't all that "intellectual" in the sense of knowing all the classics, but that could be because she quit high school on her 16th birthday, married at 17, and had 6 kids starting at 19. However, she was still well-read for a housewife at that time. Now she is the guru on world financial developments etc. There are some topics she has no desire to discuss at all.

 

My dad is very intellectual, though he is severely dyslexic and reading is very laborious for him. He loves deep thinking and can talk for hours about almost anything - from history of religions to how a state-of-the-art machine works.

 

Growing up, my siblings and I enjoyed talking about the pursuit of what you guys would call a classical education (I guess). Great literature, languages, grammar and composition, etc. I have one brother who was a complete geek when it came to sciences, but the rest of us were strong in them too. We have always had long discussions about world cultures, government policy, etc. I probably fit into all of this just fine, but I am so busy at this season of my life, I don't get that deep into things. I always learn something new when I go spend a day with family.

[UrbanSue]

Yup. Dh often asks me how I got "this way" (by which he means a lot more like him and his family). My family is great and I have plenty of common interests with most of them and, for the most part, we find things to talk about. But they would never think it fun to talk about anything remotely intellectual or cultural. Dh's family is significantly better. He is a Ph.D and a few of his extended family are as well. His dad is a retired genius-type who reads hours a day.

 

Mostly we are misfits in so many other ways that this doesn't really come to the fore. Both families think we are seriously weird for being serious Catholics, having a HUGE family (four kids! ;) ), home schooling, living in the city. I don't think the intellectual differences are what stand out the most to any of us.

[wendyroo]

It is ironic.

 

My mother and father grew up poor and did not have opportunities to continue schooling after high school. And yet, they are incredibly smart and intellectually curious. They are constantly reading and thinking and learning. My father has developed a working understand of calculus and physics even though he has never been taught either. They were both huge supporters of my academic interests and wished they could afford to send me to a private school. They afterschooled my brother and I to provide a more rigorous education and they scrimped and saved to help with college costs as best they could.

 

My DH's mother and father were very well educated. His mother was an RN and his father was an engineer. They don't read or own any books. They have no intellectual curiosity and could not name even one Shakespearean play, prominent 20th century scientist or major current event. They get their "news" from Live with Regis and Kelly.

 

Unfortunately, that is the environment that my DH grew up in. No one really cared how well he did in school or on the SAT. He was social and played sports and got into a decidedly mediocre college. That is exactly how my nieces and nephew are being raised and it breaks my heart - I don't think any of them saw a children's book until they went to preschool. Thankfully, my husband does not subscribe to that parenting philosophy. He is always reading to our kids and talking to them about the world. He is fully on board with giving them the rigorous education that he never received.

 

Wendy

[Granny_Weatherwax]

That's difficult for me to answer.

 

I am the most educated; enjoy learning for learning and would rather spend time in a museum, library or cultural area. I loved school and would be a perpetual student if circumstances allowed.

 

My siblings and I have never been close and we just don't 'get' each other. My sister and brother are more alike and have more in common with each other than they do with me.

--

 

Longer answer deleted.

 

The easy answer....yes.

 

But then again, I am a misfit with them on many levels.