Tammyla Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 :grouphug: I'm glad you found a doctor and staff with caring hearts. We're praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I'm so glad you're finally getting the care you need and deserve. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuckabella Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 :hugs: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I am so glad you found someone who can give appropriate, compassionate care. Every time I have read your posts, I wanted a good stiff drink (and I am a non-drinker), a tire iron, and the address of that doctor. You are an amazing woman. I have not found your posts hysterical, but laden with strong, but entirely expected, emotion after all you have gone through. You have been and continue to be in my prayers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 My OB has never had a loss, I discovered. It's one thing to have hundreds of patients who have a loss, but to be on this side of things is completely different. She does not understand. She tried to help me in her own way but it didn't work. I just don't get this. I've been very fortunate that I've never lost a pregnancy, and I know I will never fully experience the pain of someone who has. But I do know how frightened I was through all of my pregnancies that something would happen. I've cried reading posts of others losing babies at all stages of pregnancy. I just don't get how someone in your doctor's position can't have just a tiny bit of empathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I'm so happy you found an understanding doctor! Even if you were hysterical in person, I don't see how they can blame you after all you've been through. I had a doctor tell me when I learned I had miscarried that I could "try again." This was after a year of unexplained infertility and an IUI. Try again? I didn't know if I could even GET pregnant again. I think in her own way she was trying to be encouraging, but that wasn't it. Oh, and they stuck me in a room with pictures of developing fetuses all over the walls after telling me I had lost my baby. I think unless you've gone through it yourself you have to be a pretty special kind of person to understand what the patient is going through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 For the record, I never snapped or yelled at my OB's office staff. Not even once. I did not snap or yell at anyone until my OB had me on the phone and was telling me that the E.R. doctor (the one who asked me what was wrong when I started crying at the news of a blighted ovum) said I "stormed" out of the E.R. I had many times I could have lost it with a doctor/nurse/staff, but I was quiet and calm (despite what I post here...maybe it's because I posted "hysterically" here that I could keep control with people IRL). I was so calm that I came across as rude when the reality was that I didn't want anyone to talk to me because all they offered were useless words of encouragement and hope. When my OB said what she did yet having only a smidge of the story (which she herself admitted she had not heard the rest), I snapped. Everything I have experienced, felt, been through since Jan. 1st burst and I cried and I yelled. I was not in her office and would never have done that in her office or to anyone's face. I did feel cornered and ignored and misunderstood. My OB has never had a loss, I discovered. It's one thing to have hundreds of patients who have a loss, but to be on this side of things is completely different. She does not understand. She tried to help me in her own way but it didn't work. I've been with my OB since 2004, she has seen me through 5 pregnancies. She knows me as a patient as a person. Yet something broke down in the communication and in the way she was trying to meet my needs. As for my being hysterical...without going through every detail, let me recap: hcg levels awesome, then not, then blighted ovum diagnosis (at horrid E.R.), then development, then not, then spotting and thinking m/c starting, then not, then waiting...and waiting...and waiting. D&C schedule then cancelled due to fear and other concerns. Then hcg test that shows levels have not budged and phone call from OB who has no clue as to everything that has gone on and no understanding as to the grief one feels during even a "normal" loss. I've been nauseous and exhausted since Dec. 12th. I've been hysterical, but only on this forum. I have not lost it with my family, I have not cried with friends or my dh. I have gotten up every morning even though I don't want to, I have schooled and maintained my household even while pushing aside my grief. If anything I've been eerily calm and detached...except for here. This forum is safe. I can release everything here and know that there are many who understand, who've btdt and do not condemn me for what I am saying/feeling. I've come through 9 losses, only one of which was similar emotionally/mentally to this one. This loss has been prolonged and confusing, and I am spent...I am done. And I am sad. The last thing I needed was a dreadful E.R. experience, non-understanding medical professional, and hope that meant nothing. I finally have a good update: Today I met with the kindest male doctor who assured me that the D&C will be fine, not to worry, addressed every concern I had, took TWENTY minutes in his office with me, and told me he admired the amount of time I had waited for the process to happen naturally. I cried (not hysterically). This man has never had a baby or a loss (obviously), yet he showed more compassion and understanding than my previous female OB. D&C is scheduled for next Friday. Oh, and the lady taking my information for the procedure did not jump into insurance info; she looked right at me and gently asked how I was doing. No one in my OB's office did that. Not once. When I just shook my head and got tears in my eyes, she said it was OK and let me have some time to recover myself. For those who have found my posts "hysterical"...well, yes, I guess I was. I was scared and angry, confused and battered (if that makes sense). I thank you who have encouraged me, sent me PMs, prayed for me, etc. I come back and reread those posts almost every day for strength and to remind myself that I am not alone. I've been weepy all evening but it is not from grief, rather relief. Today I was listened to. Today I was with a medical professional who was safe with my heart. For the first time since Jan. 1st I am not angry or confused, not stressed at all. I think your feelings have been totally understandable and I am so glad that you have found a doctor who is showing you some compassion and able to give you the reassurance and care you deserve. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I am SO glad you've finally found someone who can help you through this. Your latest update sounds like this new office is very promising. I'm so glad things are scheduled and in motion for you. Many hugs!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Today I was listened to. Today I was with a medical professional who was safe with my heart. :grouphug: It makes all the difference in the world to simply be listened to. I am so glad you found an OB who understands and who has a staff who can look beyond tests and results and see a person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I don't understand why the body doesn't let go of miscarriages. I always assumed my body would just take care of things in its own time but it held on to both losses. I didn't even really spot or cramp with either of them. One was a 2nd trimester loss. It makes me wonder what women went through before d&cs, thinking they were still pregnant for months. By the time I found out I lost the 2nd trimester one I had an infection and felt very unwell. Some women I talked to online who had done it naturally described not only a long wait to start miscarrying, but that the miscarriage went on and on for weeks of bleeding, clots, and pain. By comparison the d&c was so simple. There may also be a thread to how you were treated, that you have a large family. I've always felt that my OB regards me with disdain (and fear, as my medical provider) because of my many kids. I felt she was less sympathetic to my loss because I already had so many children. This is a pretty pervasive prejudice-- some people just can't stand people with many children, who want to keep having more. I hope you are feeling better soon. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Last update in OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Many hugs to you as you work through recovering both physically and emotionally. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :grouphug: I just read your update and wanted to send a virtual hug your way. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 *hugs* I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry you're hurting. I wish there was something that would take the emotional pain away :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakelly Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Lots of hugs to you!!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Oh, I'm so sorry. ((((Hugs)))) I have had to refrain from posting here because I've been absolutely floored by some of the things that have been said to you, but I just wanted you to know that I've been following you and praying for you. I wish I knew you *in real life*. I would love to bring you a couple of meals, give you a shoulder to cry on, sit in silence and just be a friend. ((((Hugs)))) Praying for PEACE for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Oh dear Luv, count me as another who has watched and waited and ached for you. I refrained from comment because I didn't trust my words; a decade removed from a somewhat similar experience and the tears still come at times. Anyone who has been less than supportive of you.... well, they simply have no idea. I am so relieved to hear your good news. I look forward to your updates over the next few weeks, and will remember you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 About to head to bed. Stayed up late so I'm good and tired, no laying awake, no thinking. You ladies need to know what your responses have meant to me. As I posted before, I don't talk to anyone IRL about this. I don't burden my family with this. Then I read something like the two posts above and my heart breaks...the kindness and care is overwhelming. I thought of you ladies today from the drive to the facility and every step of the way. I would have loved to have you there. I would have loved to have you in my home today even if only to give me a look that says you understand. I keep saying "thank you" but it doesn't seem enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 ETA: just sending support for Luvn. I've lost a pregnancy, but I can't imagine what her pain is like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 So many prayers for you. Reading about your surgery brought back the memories of my ectopic. Just know that my heart is broken for you you. I understand needing to know that you can get pregnant again. I could not explain the absolute need I had for that following my loss. It took a year, but if calculations are correct I conceived almost a year to the day that I had my ectopic. When I played with the little wheel at the OB's office I started crying. It was so unbelievable to me. I wish I could sit with you. I remember staying up all night with the t.v. on COMEDIES only just so I would not have to think about it! Please rest and let yourself grieve. Know that you can say whatever you need to here. Too many of us have been there and done that and will offer you comfort and encouragement. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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