Has anyone ever nighttime weaned w/out tears?

[Snow]

My dd is 2 and wakes up at 12 am every night, at which time I bring her in with me to nurse the rest of the night away. Most of these 2 years I've slept pretty well surprisingly. Until recently. Now I'm just wanting to sleep a full night for once. Not looking to stop nursing, just want some sleep. I looked back through previous posts here and have yet to see a toddler nighttime wean without many tears. Am i waiting for something that never going to happen? i also saw the recommendation for Dr. Gordon's method, which seems like my best option if that's the case.

 

Very tired.

[Whereneverever]

Me! I've weaned all mine without tears. I used the No Cry Sleep book.

[Snow]

Thank you. I have heard of that one but never read it. Will see if its at the library tomorrow.

 

I should also mention that the only time dd has ever fallen asleep without nursing is in the car or stroller. :leaving:

[Lara in Colo]

I nursed, but also pumped and bottle fed. When it came time to stop the night time feedings, I would slowly, over a couple of weeks, water the milk down until it just wasn't worth it to the child. Four children, they were all sleeping through the night by the time the bottle was only water.

[basschick]

I didn't wean both my kids until they were 5 years old. They stopped nursing in the middle of the night without tears. It was still difficult for them though. I cosleep, so there were lots of snuggles, back rubs, singing, etc for a week or two. I found weaning more exhausting, and I probably wouldn't have done it that early if it wasn't for my husband pushing for it.

[EthiopianFood]

Tears or not, when you're ready to be done, it's worth it! Even kids that still nurse to sleep can be night weaned. :)

[melissad2]

I went on vacation. Seriously! We went camping and completely changed our bedtime routine for a couple of days. I think he just forgot about it ;). Incidentally, that is how we got rid of the pacifier too...just "forgot" it at home.

[Julie Smith]

Both of mine weaned. (Rereading well duh. Being 7 and 8 years old I certainly hoped they have weaned by now. Forgive me please, it was a rough night.)

 

Eldest weaned earlier then I wanted. After his first taste of a bottle at a few months old he no longer wanted the breast.

 

Youngest was old when he weaned. He slept in the bed with me, and just stopped waking up to eat. Would it help your daughter not wake up if she is already beside you? Could she be waking up to just be beside a warm body instead of wanting some milk. But I suppose could you get a good night sleep with her beside you the whole time?

[carriede]

I nightweaned my son at 18 mo. I would put him to sleep nursing, but when he woke up in the middle of the night, DH would go lay with him until he fell back to sleep. Yes, DS cried, but DH was right there with him.

 

By the third night, DS only got up 1-2 times and would fall back to sleep in 5 minutes, no problem. By the next week, I was able to help him go back to sleep without him nursing.

 

I'm waiting until DD gets to be 18 mo to do it with her. I can't wait! Lol...

 

ETA: DS was in a crib in his own room. We took one side and the bottom off and put the mattress on the floor so it still "felt like" a crib, but then we put a sleeping bag down for DH right beside it. That bag also helped when DS rolled out of bed a couple times.

[Matryoshka]

He slept in the bed with me, and just stopped waking up to eat. Would it help your daughter not wake up if she is already beside you? Could she be waking up to just be beside a warm body instead of wanting some milk. But I suppose could you get a good night sleep with her beside you the whole time?

 

From her first post, sounds like the OP is already cosleeping.

 

I coslept. Dd would not go back to sleep without nursing. She'd wake up multiple times a night. Finally I pretended to leave every evening for a about a week. I slept elsewhere. Dd slept with dh - with him she would go back to sleep. After a week I came back and she'd go back to sleep just with cuddling if she woke.

[happypamama]

Yes, but I was pregnant each time, so I think there wasn't much milk available. I just had them move over in the bed, so that they were on the other side of my husband, and they just cuddled up with him and slept that way. My current baby is 18 months and still nurses at night; night weaning him now would cause tears, although he really likes his water bottle (it's a Klean Kanteen with the sport cap), so if I get tired of nursing him at night, he's often happy if I hand him the water bottle instead.

[Kathryn]

Yep, DH took over nighttime duty.

[Zuzu822]

I've nightweaned three without tears. Each was between 18-20 months. I didn't stop co-sleeping, and they each accepted it when I told them they could nurse in the morning. With the youngest, I was anticipating tears so I had a water bottle to offer if he got very upset, but he was fine. He's 26 months now, and basically sleeps through the night unless he needs to get up for the potty.

 

I'm familiar with Dr. Gordon's method too, and while I didn't follow it exactly, I definitely liked his ideas. That or the No-Cry Sleep Solution is a good place to start too.

[Ellie]

Yes.

 

I began putting the babies to bed at a regular time, depending on the baby; one was at 6mo, the other, 10mo). My younger dd slept through the night, bless her heart, from that time on.

 

My younger dd did not, but then she didn't start on solids until she was 8mo, and it didn't seem right to expect her to sleep longer with only Mom Milk on her tummy, so until she was about a year old, I'd put her to bed at 9, and when she'd wake up to nurse around midnight, I'd bring her back to bed and we'd co-sleep the rest of the night. When she was about 14mo, and eating a good dinner, I'd nurse her when she woke up, usually after midnight by now (and she was going to bed around 7-7:30 with my older dd), then put her back to bed; and finally, I began waiting a few minutes when she woke up to see what would happen. After only one or two nights of her waking up and squirming in her bed for less than five minutes, she slept through the night, until around 7:30 or 8. Then I'd take her back to bed and nurse and cuddle for a few minutes. :-) She nursed until she was 26mo, BTW. I wanted her to keep nursing as long as possible. :-)

 

No tears, no parent lying down with the baby (I'd rather bring the baby back to bed than lie down with the baby in her bed), gentle, gentle, gentle.

[gardenmom5]

My dd is 2 and wakes up at 12 am every night, at which time I bring her in with me to nurse the rest of the night away. Most of these 2 years I've slept pretty well surprisingly. Until recently. Now I'm just wanting to sleep a full night for once. Not looking to stop nursing, just want some sleep. I looked back through previous posts here and have yet to see a toddler nighttime wean without many tears. Am i waiting for something that never going to happen? i also saw the recommendation for Dr. Gordon's method, which seems like my best option if that's the case.

 

Very tired.

 

I would recommend wearing something she can't nurse from - like a very long nightgown that buttons. dudeling once lifted my shirt and latched on without me even being aware of it.

 

if she is going to sleep in her own bed - you need to put her back to sleep in her own bed. your dh may need to help. she equates waking up in the night and sleeping in your bed with a milky pacifier.

[Farrar]

Yes and no... Both mine were just screaming anyway half the night as young toddlers so finally I was like, okay, we're done nursing all night then. It didn't make them stop crying... But it didn't make it worse either. They weaned by choice not much later. And then they eventually just grew out of their sleep issues.

[Snow]

Thanks for the suggestions! I wish dd was more content with dh. If he gets her for me in the middle night, she screams for me and she's not much of a screamer. She's just very...attached. Shes been that way from day 1. She was 3 mo before anyone, including dh, could hold her for more than 10 min. It's funny because she's my easy child!

 

Some if you suggested a major change to routine, like leaving town or sleeping somewhere else and I'll have to think about that. I can't imagine what she would do. She might surprise me, or it just might be traumatic. Hmmm...

 

Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate your thoughtful responses.

 

[MamaJeanne]

Here is one more suggestion that I don't see already mentioned. It worked with my youngest, but I don't think I tried it with my older kids. Dh took over nighttime duty for those three. But since dd is so verbal it really worked to explain to her that milky (or whatever you call it) is night night and that she could have some in the morning. For us 6:00am was my time. If she asked at midnight, or 2, or 5 I would say something like "Milky is sleeping! You can have some when it is time to wake up." Then I would usually offer some other form of comfort like hugs, or backrubs, or a sip of water. She might have complained a little, but no more than if I had told her that she couldn't have something she wanted at any other time of day (no, you are not getting a cookie half an hour before dinner). If she asked after that then yes! Milky is awake!

[Julie Smith]

From her first post, sounds like the OP is already cosleeping.

 

I coslept. Dd would not go back to sleep without nursing. She'd wake up multiple times a night. Finally I pretended to leave every evening for a about a week. I slept elsewhere. Dd slept with dh - with him she would go back to sleep. After a week I came back and she'd go back to sleep just with cuddling if she woke.

 

 

From my understand the OP was only Cosleeping after her dd woke up for a snack. If that is the cause perhaps she is waking up more to be with Mom then have a snack. So if that is the cause she could just spend the whole night with Mom and not have the need to wake up.

[EthiopianFood]

Thanks for the suggestions! I wish dd was more content with dh. If he gets her for me in the middle night, she screams for me and she's not much of a screamer. She's just very...attached. Shes been that way from day 1. She was 3 mo before anyone, including dh, could hold her for more than 10 min. It's funny because she's my easy child!

 

Some if you suggested a major change to routine, like leaving town or sleeping somewhere else and I'll have to think about that. I can't imagine what she would do. She might surprise me, or it just might be traumatic. Hmmm...

 

Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate your thoughtful responses.

 

 

I think it just depends on how desperate you are. If she's crying, but you're holding her the whole time, it's not at all the same as letting her cry it out alone. I guess I feel like we can't expectbabies to understand why we don't want them not to do something that they want to do. If we know the desire isn't a need anymore, then as human beings with needs of our own, it's okay to decide for them, and ALSO okay for them to be upset about it. We can support them through it in a loving way, and it's okay. Those are my thoughts on this, having come from the expectation that we must make sure our children never cry.

[ChrisOR]

My DD went to bed in her own crib, but slept and nursed in my bed from about 2 AM until morning. She was 18 months old and I was tired. Instead of bringing her to my bed in the middle of the night, I went to her room and slept on a twin bed within arm's reach of her crib and held her hand while she went back to sleep. She did cry, but it got less and less. It took about 2 weeks.

[Snow]

To clarify, right now I nurse her to sleep in the rocking chair in her room and put her in her bed. She wakes up and I bring in her to spend the rest if the night nurse-sleeping with me. I will have to experiment with whether there is any difference if she starts out with me. Unfortunately, I'm a tired night owl. I'm so desperate for alone time that I will stay up late just to get it so bringing her in with me from the start means no alone time :-(

 

Alternately, if sleeping all night with me doesn't work, I will try putting her back into her own bed every time at night for a week or two and see if that changes things.

 

The no cry sleep book isn't available at the library for another few weeks, ugh.

 

Thanks again for your help and suggestions. I agree crying with me is totally different than CIO. Still, I'm a softy and if I can avoid tears, I will. We may be reaching that breaking point though......

[Mom-ninja.]

No. With my youngest I haven't even bothered.

[EthiopianFood]

To clarify, right now I nurse her to sleep in the rocking chair in her room and put her in her bed. She wakes up and I bring in her to spend the rest if the night nurse-sleeping with me. I will have to experiment with whether there is any difference if she starts out with me. Unfortunately, I'm a tired night owl. I'm so desperate for alone time that I will stay up late just to get it so bringing her in with me from the start means no alone time :-(

 

Alternately, if sleeping all night with me doesn't work, I will try putting her back into her own bed every time at night for a week or two and see if that changes things.

 

The no cry sleep book isn't available at the library for another few weeks, ugh.

 

Thanks again for your help and suggestions. I agree crying with me is totally different than CIO. Still, I'm a softy and if I can avoid tears, I will. We may be reaching that breaking point though......

 

 

You will have to choose to believe me when I say that I never, ever thought I would be telling someone that crying is okay. :) It's okay if you sit with her in her room until she falls asleep, too. Some people have good luck with an alarm clock that shows a color for sleep, and a color for getting up. Maybe you could try adding something to her routine that you could do when she wakes up, like a white noise machine. You would have to decide if that might create more work down the road, though. I do have a friend that had a serios discussion with her toddler about sleeping through the night, and it actually worked. :o

[EthiopianFood]

That last face was supposed to be :ohmy: My tablet is stupid and won't let me fix it.

[LibraryLover]

I tried a couple of times, but the No Tears was...impossible. I gave up.

 

And I miss those days. :)

 

Sort of. ;)

 

Not really, lol

 

Yet I do not regret a day/night.

[Snow]

Lol to the last few posts.

 

RaeAnne, I was also very much a "crying is the worst the ever" type of person when DS was born. As I said, I'm still a softy, but much more aware now that crying is okay. It's just what kids do. Still, there's that ever-so-hard to find balance point. I can handle if she's upset and mad, but devastated? Hmmm, probably not.

 

Here's the other thing. Normally I'm not a literal, by the book type of person, but I was so worried I wouldn't be able to bf my dd that when the time came I was like a crazy vigilante against pacifiers, bottle, and i made sure to feed on demand etc. well, the stupid LLL books don't really mention when to stop feeding on demand. I only just started putting limits on feeding during the day fairly recently. I didn't realize that whole on demand thing is probably just for, I don't know, the first year or so. Now I've created this milk-addict! Sheesh.

 

(Don't get me wrong, I really love that I can do this for her since it didn't work with DS. Just looking forward to sleep).

[redsquirrel]

Well, I did, but the kid in question was 4.5. I tried before that, many times and many methods and it was torturous. I never had the type of kid who would listen to reason. They are both pretty intense people. Then, he suddenly stopped night waking! It was amazing. Then I was left only with nursing to sleep at night as our only nursing. I did put a stop to that and he was sad, but not crying. In two days he had forgotten all about it.

 

I think around 2.5 I stopped daytime nursing...funny, I can't remember now.

[blondeviolin]

Not without tears, but I've used the Dr. Gordon method effectively four times. It is effective and works nicely for my kids. FWIW, it doesn't equal sleeping through the night here. Sometimes littlest wakes up for some drink in the middle of the night, but now I can send my husband for that. :D

[raceNzanesmom]

Here is one more suggestion that I don't see already mentioned. It worked with my youngest, but I don't think I tried it with my older kids. Dh took over nighttime duty for those three. But since dd is so verbal it really worked to explain to her that milky (or whatever you call it) is night night and that she could have some in the morning. For us 6:00am was my time. If she asked at midnight, or 2, or 5 I would say something like "Milky is sleeping! You can have some when it is time to wake up." Then I would usually offer some other form of comfort like hugs, or backrubs, or a sip of water. She might have complained a little, but no more than if I had told her that she couldn't have something she wanted at any other time of day (no, you are not getting a cookie half an hour before dinner). If she asked after that then yes! Milky is awake!

 

This is pretty much what I did with mine. I kept a sippy of water close by in case a drink was truly needed. I'd rub his back or daddy would pat him, then we'd go back to sleep- ds2 was easier and quicker than ds1. The time between asking got longer and they night weaned withoout too much fuss. We practiced child led day weaning, so that was fairly easy too. That said, I never thought nursing should be a crying matter, so had they fussed I would have likely given in.

[Matryoshka]

 

This is pretty much what I did with mine. I kept a sippy of water close by in case a drink was truly needed. I'd rub his back or daddy would pat him, then we'd go back to sleep- ds2 was easier and quicker than ds1. The time between asking got longer and they night weaned withoout too much fuss. We practiced child led day weaning, so that was fairly easy too. That said, I never thought nursing should be a crying matter, so had they fussed I would have likely given in.

 

That reminds me of what I did with one of my older dds. I offered her a sippy cup - we tried just water at first, but that didn't work. So then we used milk at first, then watered it down over the course of of a week or so till it was water. That was easy. Too bad that didn't work with my younger dd!

[mommymilkies]

This is pretty much what I did with mine. I kept a sippy of water close by in case a drink was truly needed. I'd rub his back or daddy would pat him, then we'd go back to sleep- ds2 was easier and quicker than ds1. The time between asking got longer and they night weaned withoout too much fuss. We practiced child led day weaning, so that was fairly easy too. That said, I never thought nursing should be a crying matter, so had they fussed I would have likely given in.

 

 

Absolutely.

 

With my 3rd child (the other two weaned early for medical reasons), she was easy to wean at about 2.5. She went from not nearly ready to completely ready almost overnight. So I just sang to her, held her, etc. instead. With #4, it was harder, but I was pg and very sick and my bOOks hurt awfully. So dh did as above because she associated me with milk. My youngest isn't ready yet. :). The No Cry book is good.

[waa510]

Here is one more suggestion that I don't see already mentioned. It worked with my youngest, but I don't think I tried it with my older kids. Dh took over nighttime duty for those three. But since dd is so verbal it really worked to explain to her that milky (or whatever you call it) is night night and that she could have some in the morning. For us 6:00am was my time. If she asked at midnight, or 2, or 5 I would say something like "Milky is sleeping! You can have some when it is time to wake up." Then I would usually offer some other form of comfort like hugs, or backrubs, or a sip of water. She might have complained a little, but no more than if I had told her that she couldn't have something she wanted at any other time of day (no, you are not getting a cookie half an hour before dinner). If she asked after that then yes! Milky is awake!

 

Both of mine were very verbal at that age so I did the above and it worked surprisingly well. My youngest whined a bit more, and I had a sippy of water for her instead but she didn't want it more than the first couple times I offered it. She stopped waking up, because she knew she'd only get water, and slept through the night from then on. It was very gentle and I stayed calm and pleasant about it and they both just moved on. I made sure to cuddle, nurse, and love on them more so during the day during that time so they'd still feel loved and have that connection with Mommy.

[EthiopianFood]

Lol to the last few posts.

 

RaeAnne, I was also very much a "crying is the worst the ever" type of person when DS was born. As I said, I'm still a softy, but much more aware now that crying is okay. It's just what kids do. Still, there's that ever-so-hard to find balance point. I can handle if she's upset and mad, but devastated? Hmmm, probably not.

 

Here's the other thing. Normally I'm not a literal, by the book type of person, but I was so worried I wouldn't be able to bf my dd that when the time came I was like a crazy vigilante against pacifiers, bottle, and i made sure to feed on demand etc. well, the stupid LLL books don't really mention when to stop feeding on demand. I only just started putting limits on feeding during the day fairly recently. I didn't realize that whole on demand thing is probably just for, I don't know, the first year or so. Now I've created this milk-addict! Sheesh.

 

(Don't get me wrong, I really love that I can do this for her since it didn't work with DS. Just looking forward to sleep).

 

I'm not okay with devastated either, so I completely understand! I'm sure you'll do whatever is best for both of you. :) And I consider myself fortunate to have had a milk addict, too. I didn't have problems nursing, but I did have a very traumatic birth. I really think that is why I was so determined to make nursing work; I just needed SOMETHING to go right!! It's funny how something as basic as feeding a baby can have so much emotional significance!

[TravelingChris]

My first two were sleeping basically through the night by a few weeks to a month. THe last one was probably about three months. By sleeping through the night, I mean 11 or 12 through 6. That was good enough for me.

[BlueTaelon]

Well 2 kids, both nursed until their 5th birthday, night weaning involved lots of tears from both and a lot of lying from me. Neither believed the boos were really tired at night and decided to stop working and rest, I told them they went to bed then they did and wouldn't work again until the sun was up. They of course didn't believe me and tantrums followed. I don't think night weaning is really possible when your a single, co-sleeping mom though. If you have someone that can step in at night while you "go out" then its a lot easier. 6 yr old has been weaned 18 mo and I still can't say the word "boo" without a total meltdown from her, she was NOT happy to wean period and nighttime was the hardest when I said DONE.

[Danestress]

My dd is 2 and wakes up at 12 am every night, at which time I bring her in with me to nurse the rest of the night away. Most of these 2 years I've slept pretty well surprisingly. Until recently. Now I'm just wanting to sleep a full night for once. Not looking to stop nursing, just want some sleep. I looked back through previous posts here and have yet to see a toddler nighttime wean without many tears. Am i waiting for something that never going to happen? i also saw the recommendation for Dr. Gordon's method, which seems like my best option if that's the case.

 

Very tired.

 

 

 

Once my children were able to sleep through the night without nursing, DH took over night duty. He would always go in to a crying baby, offer water and a snuggle, and then put them back to sleep. I'm sure there were some minimum tears, but DH is a tender heart like me, so there was no prolonged "crying it out." He just said that when Dad goes in at night, there is no awesome breast milk smell or promise of a Mom cuddle, so he was able to make sure all was well and the baby wasn't feeling uncomfortable or scared, but it just stopped being 'worth it' to the baby to wake us up.

[Janie Grace]

 

 

Once my children were able to sleep through the night without nursing, DH took over night duty. He would always go in to a crying baby, offer water and a snuggle, and then put them back to sleep. I'm sure there were some minimum tears, but DH is a tender heart like me, so there was no prolonged "crying it out." He just said that when Dad goes in at night, there is no awesome breast milk smell or promise of a Mom cuddle, so he was able to make sure all was well and the baby wasn't feeling uncomfortable or scared, but it just stopped being 'worth it' to the baby to wake us up.

 

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