When choosing new church, did you or children matter more?

[ksr5377]

I was raised Catholic and was married Catholic. For various reasons I know that the Catholic church is no longer my home. I have been slowly going to various different churches in our community for the past 4 years. One of the things slowing the process for me is that my DH will not attend with us. This is something I knew about going into the marriage, but I don't think I fully realized how it would impact your typical Sunday morning. I am leaning strongly towards Lutheran or Episcopalian, mainly because I know I need communian weekly and the two churches I attended do this. However, there is also a Methodist church close to us that we have also gone to and my children LOVE it! Due to this, it has ended up being the church we've attended the most. They have a special children's church, so my children go there while I attend service in the chapel. It is so easy and they enjoy it so much. I know it sounds terrible, but it's so far from enjoyable for me to wrangle 3 kids during service. I don't get anything out of it. However, this past Sunday, the Methodist church had communion in honor of All Saints Day. It was so evident to me that this is something I have really been missing.

So what would you do? Go to the church that really works for you spirtually, or go to the one that your children love and that you will realistically do a better job of attending regularly since it will be so much easier?

[AnnaM]

Since church is supposed to be a feeding of the spirit, I would attend the church that nourishes us the most spiritually. I of course want my kids to enjoy it, but I wouldn't make my choice based on only what they want. I truly believe that if we are prayerfully considering our choices that God will let us know when it is the church he is calling us to.

 

We recently changed churches from a segregated to a family integrated service. It took a few weeks but my kids are adjusting and each week is a little easier. I randomly take pencils and paper for them to "take notes" but we also have weeks where they just must sit still. I hope you find your "home" soon!

[TravelingChris]

I have always chosen churches for the kids first. Why? Because it is my job to raise them as Christians and that is hard to do if they don't value the church. At this point, we are at a church that works really well for all of us in the household. But at other times, I took the kids' preferences above my own. I figured I could go to my own choice when they are out of the house.

[bolt.]

I tend to choose Churches based on who, in my family, is most in need of easy Spiritual nourisment.

 

In my case, my DH and I are well grounded, and my kids' faith is still forming. Therefore, what they experience in a Church is more important to me than the adult experience for DH and I (unless it is actually not good at all for us).

 

In other cases, this is different. In many cases the adults are starving for spiritual nourishment, and, given that the kids have 10 to 15 years to get what they need out of a Church -- that would be very much a time for the adult experience to be a priority. If someone in the family is a recent convert, or if someone is maybe close to hearing the gospel somewhere, that also 'ups' their priority level.

 

It's about meeting the needs of the most needy... and that includes that parents who aren't getting what they need aren't going to be doing well as parents. It's a balancing act, and priorities shift with the situation.

[athena1277]

We chose a church based on whether or not it meets our Biblical beliefs. Church is not for entertainment (for parents or kids), it is a place to learn and grow as a Christian. If a church is not teaching what I believe, I will not grow and I don't want my kids to have the beliefs of that church. Where we attend right now, there are not many kids and at times it is hard for dd who often is the only kid in her class. But, she is learning the truth of God's word and that is more important to us than having fun with a big group of kids.

[Parrothead]

Being Catholic in a small town there is generally only one choice. But when we lived in the larger city with more than one parish I picked the younger more active parish. It was able to fulfill all of our needs.

 

Hopefully you can find a church that will fulfill all of you.

[AnnaM]

We chose a church based on whether or not it meets our Biblical beliefs. Church is not for entertainment (for parents or kids), it is a place to learn and grow as a Christian. If a church is not teaching what I believe, I will not grow and I don't want my kids to have the beliefs of that church. Where we attend right now, there are not many kids and at times it is hard for dd who often is the only kid in her class. But, she is learning the truth of God's word and that is more important to us than having fun with a big group of kids.

 

:iagree:

 

This is what I was trying to say. We came from a church that the kids loved but the church wasn't feeding my children it was entertaining them and worse, entertaining them with beliefs contrary to ours.

[bolt.]

Teaching matters a lot to me, but I will always choose for kids a loving active friendly Church -- to me, its OK to be reasonably Biblical (non heretical) in children's ministry even if there is some variation of theology from my ideal. Kids are much more succeptable to learn what it means to behave as a Christian in a Church environment than they are likely to pick up the finer points of doctrine in a kids class.

 

What I mean is that there's not much point in a child learning perfect doctrine if the Church environment is such that s/he finds what s/he learns unappealing. Nobody loves the Word of God if they learn it in a way that makes them frustrated and unhappy. It kind of defeats the purpose if that's the way kids ministry is done in some places.

[milovany]

Similar to being Catholic, we choose whatever Orthodox church is within driving distance. Thankfully our kids LOVE, love, love Orthodoxy so it's been easy to make the change from our prior western Christian lifestyle.

 

I pray that your journey brings you closer in to communion with Him!

[PeacefulChaos]

Hmm... that's a very difficult decision to make! :grouphug:

Is there a way to keep looking and try to find something that works for both?

If not, I would probably go to the one for them until something changed - whether it's them getting a bit older or whatever.

I personally don't like wrangling my kids during service, either - and they are relatively well behaved when they are in with me. I absolutely LOVE children's church! :)

[CatholicMom]

I would consider which church God wants you to go to. Which one's traditions & teachings are most likely to be true? What reasons do you have for believing they are? These are the important questions, right?

 

I would encourage you to read Upon This Rock by Stephen Ray and re-discover your faith in the Church that Christ Himself founded and built upon his apostle Peter.

 

"And I say to thee: That thou art Peter; and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it."

 

Any other church besides the Roman Catholic Church was founded at least 1,500 years after Jesus walked the earth.

 

You are right to desire the communion every week, but even those who do it weekly are not serving the Body & Blood of Christ but mere bread and regular wine. Without the priest to consecrate it, there is no true transformation and no communion. Just bread and wine. What is there for you outside of the Catholic Church?

[milovany]

Any other church besides the Roman Catholic Church was founded at least 1,500 years after Jesus walked the earth. You are right to desire the communion every week, but even those who do it weekly are not serving the Body & Blood of Christ but mere bread and regular wine. Without the priest to consecrate it, there is no true transformation and no communion. Just bread and wine. What is there for you outside of the Catholic Church?

 

Off topic: You must be new here. ;) The Eastern Orthodox church shares your history -- we were one church until the Great Schism 1000 years after the Holy Spirit began the church. Who left who is greatly debated. Our priests also consecrate the bread and wine to be the body and blood of Christ. (There are other groups here who also believe their Eucharist to be the body and blood of Christ.) Some [coughmecough], having looked at both, believe the Orthodox church to be the older, original church with good reason to think so. Not trying to convince you, in the least, just saying it's perhaps not as cut and dried as "Catholic or protestant."

 

Just thought it worth a mention since the info. as stated was incorrect. Back to the regularly scheduled topic discussion .....

 

 

ETA -- EEEEEK! That came out a lot snarkier than I intended!! Forgive me. For background, numerous of the Catholic and Orthodox ladies here have mutually agreed that we share a history in that first 1000 years. We know that we don't agree on which church is the original church, but we do try to acknowledge and respect the unity our churches did have at one time, and that both have apostolic succession back to Pentecost.

Edited November 6, 2012 by milovaný

[Gentlemommy]

I tend to choose Churches based on who, in my family, is most in need of easy Spiritual nourisment.

 

In my case, my DH and I are well grounded, and my kids' faith is still forming. Therefore, what they experience in a Church is more important to me than the adult experience for DH and I (unless it is actually not good at all for us).

 

In other cases, this is different. In many cases the adults are starving for spiritual nourishment, and, given that the kids have 10 to 15 years to get what they need out of a Church -- that would be very much a time for the adult experience to be a priority. If someone in the family is a recent convert, or if someone is maybe close to hearing the gospel somewhere, that also 'ups' their priority level.

 

It's about meeting the needs of the most needy... and that includes that parents who aren't getting what they need aren't going to be doing well as parents. It's a balancing act, and priorities shift with the situation.

 

 

:iagree:

[Mommee & Baba]

I have always chosen churches for the kids first. Why? Because it is my job to raise them as Christians and that is hard to do if they don't value the church. At this point, we are at a church that works really well for all of us in the household. But at other times, I took the kids' preferences above my own. I figured I could go to my own choice when they are out of the house.

 

:iagree:

[Kathryn]

We chose a church based on whether or not it meets our Biblical beliefs. Church is not for entertainment (for parents or kids), it is a place to learn and grow as a Christian. If a church is not teaching what I believe, I will not grow and I don't want my kids to have the beliefs of that church. Where we attend right now, there are not many kids and at times it is hard for dd who often is the only kid in her class. But, she is learning the truth of God's word and that is more important to us than having fun with a big group of kids.

 

:iagree: we aren't out for entertainment or who can offer the most socialization. We are there because we truly believe that the church we are attending is faithful to God's message and offers the sacraments. I don't care if my children would be more attracted to a hyped-up message somewhere else if I don't believe in the truth of that message. I don't believe that that's what should or does attract one to Christ.

[Jpoy85]

I would find a church that has both to offer- better for you AND your children.

 

youll just have to keep looking. :grouphug:

[bolt.]

We aren't out for entertainment or who can offer the most socialization. We are there because we truly believe that the church we are attending is faithful to God's message and offers the sacraments. I don't care if my children would be more attracted to a hyped-up message somewhere else if I don't believe in the truth of that message. I don't believe that that's what should or does attract one to Christ.

Nonetheless, warm, loving, servant-hearted relationships are an excellent way to attract anyone to Christ... and warm, loving, servant-hearted relationships towards children often involve efforts to help children enjoy learning experiences. Strong, healthy social dynamics are foundational to Church structure -- and that socialization involves children, because children are Church too.

 

The gospel is not a complex message at a child's level of understanding. The rest is details. I like it when the details line up with my own theology, but there are 'essentials' (where we seek unity with our chosen congregation) and 'non essentials' (where we expect variation and allow for freedom). A little flexibility in the freedom of theology department tends to go a long ways in the charity and community department.

[milovany]

Nonetheless, warm, loving, servant-hearted relationships are an excellent way to attract anyone to Christ... and warm, loving, servant-hearted relationships towards children often involve efforts to help children enjoy learning experiences. Strong, healthy social dynamics are foundational to Church structure -- and that socialization involves children, because children are Church too.

 

Absolutely! Our priest is the most warm, loving, servant-hearted person I know and our kids are very attracted that in him. They love running up and getting his blessing when we arrive at church (as do we all, minus the running :tongue_smilie:). The other night my husband stayed home from the Friday night prayer service because he worked late, and I told our two littles (4 and 6yo boys) they could stay home with daddy if they wanted. "Okay!" was the initial response. Next thing I knew, they were ready with coats and shoes on and heading out the door with the rest of us. They want to go. They know church is "home" and they're loved there in an extraordinary spiritual way.

Edited November 6, 2012 by milovaný

[SKL]

I chose my church based on what I felt best for my kids. It just happens to be the same type of church I grew up in. I would not attend if I didn't have kids.

[Georgiana Daniels]

The kids. Definitely. When they are grown we'll have our chance to find what we love just for us. Unfortunately, what we love doesn't really have a program for kids and because we homeschool we feel it's important for them to have that.

[JenniferB]

We recently converted to Orthodox Christianity so we could partake in the body and blood of Christ, and not for any programs or social benefits. In fact we had to leave all the programs and many of our friendships and all of our previous evangelical activities behind. It was so hard on all of us, especially the kids, but we are pretty much adjusted now and I wouldn't give up the communion and the other sacraments for the children's activities/children's church. It's no comparison. The children are in the service with us (and I'm often without my DH) and it's sometimes hard when they are wiggly or in a bad mood, but I see the long term benefits of the richness in the liturgy working more fruit in the children than in our previous evangelical setting where the children went downstairs for half the service.

[Whereneverever]

I'd pick on theology, not programs. :grouphug: I hope you find a church home.

[BlsdMama]

I was raised Catholic and was married Catholic. For various reasons I know that the Catholic church is no longer my home. I have been slowly going to various different churches in our community for the past 4 years. One of the things slowing the process for me is that my DH will not attend with us. This is something I knew about going into the marriage, but I don't think I fully realized how it would impact your typical Sunday morning. I am leaning strongly towards Lutheran or Episcopalian, mainly because I know I need communian weekly and the two churches I attended do this. However, there is also a Methodist church close to us that we have also gone to and my children LOVE it! Due to this, it has ended up being the church we've attended the most. They have a special children's church, so my children go there while I attend service in the chapel. It is so easy and they enjoy it so much. I know it sounds terrible, but it's so far from enjoyable for me to wrangle 3 kids during service. I don't get anything out of it. However, this past Sunday, the Methodist church had communion in honor of All Saints Day. It was so evident to me that this is something I have really been missing.

So what would you do? Go to the church that really works for you spirtually, or go to the one that your children love and that you will realistically do a better job of attending regularly since it will be so much easier?

 

 

Does your husband attend Catholic church?

 

This isn't a theory for me. DH and I were born and raised Catholic, married in the Catholic church. I walked away from the Catholic church about 11 years ago. Shortly after, DH stopped attending completely. My goal was to find something that was a better fit. I was taking the spiritual head - completely, totally unbiblical. We are 11 years out and I did not honor my husband. We no longer attend church. I did damage that cannot be undone. What would I recommend? Repent and follow your husband, even if it means bible study at home. The lesson I have taught my children is that I can be headstrong, outrightly disobey God, and do what *I* choose because it "fits" me better, or fulfills me, or makes me feel good, or whatever you want to put in there.

 

There are consequences to such actions and for disobeying not to mention flaunting the authority God Himself set up. It was a huge mistake. Huge.

[Parrothead]

There are consequences to such actions and for disobeying not to mention flaunting the authority God Himself set up. It was a huge mistake. Huge.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I would never let my children dictate my choice of church. Only God will guide me. And He guided me to the Catholic Church (although I've always felt the door open to Orthodox Church...)

 

The Eucharist is of upmost important. One does not simply attend church for entertainment, socialisation, or even theology. One goes for the Eucharist. And that's only in a Catholic Church (of any rite, not just Roman) or Orthodox Church.

[Abbeygurl4]

So what would you do? Go to the church that really works for you spirtually, or go to the one that your children love and that you will realistically do a better job of attending regularly since it will be so much easier?

 

I was born and raised Catholic and left the church about 20 years ago. I was lucky and went to a Church of Christ with a good friend whose kids were friends with my kids. I didn't always like the church but since the kids were motivated to go it was much easier to keep going on a regular basis.

 

I really miss the Catholic Mass sometimes. I loved the old church and the whole ritual of it. I miss the Catholic community, but my beliefs are too different and there are things I just can't abide by.

[Upward Journey]

I would never let my children dictate my choice of church. Only God will guide me. And He guided me to the Catholic Church (although I've always felt the door open to Orthodox Church...)

 

The Eucharist is of upmost important. One does not simply attend church for entertainment, socialisation, or even theology. One goes for the Eucharist. And that's only in a Catholic Church (of any rite, not just Roman) or Orthodox Church.

 

:001_huh:

[HappyCrazyMama]

I would never let my children dictate my choice of church. Only God will guide me. And He guided me to the Catholic Church (although I've always felt the door open to Orthodox Church...)

 

The Eucharist is of upmost important. One does not simply attend church for entertainment, socialisation, or even theology. One goes for the Eucharist. And that's only in a Catholic Church (of any rite, not just Roman) or Orthodox Church.

:iagree:I was thinking similarly. Right Doctrine is all that matters, that includes the reality (and importance!) of the sacraments.

[Kathryn]

Nonetheless, warm, loving, servant-hearted relationships are an excellent way to attract anyone to Christ... and warm, loving, servant-hearted relationships towards children often involve efforts to help children enjoy learning experiences. Strong, healthy social dynamics are foundational to Church structure -- and that socialization involves children, because children are Church too.

 

 

Of course they are. But that doesn't mean being separated from parents, playing video games, passing out candy and prizes, and generally trying to replicate secular "fun" culture like I see in a lot of churches around here. Christianity has survived and been passed to the next generation for almost two thousand years before the pandering to children's short attention spans and desire for "fun" time came into churches. Our children sit in Divine Liturgy with us and are excused after communion to attend Sunday School. They both enjoy church very much--much more, in fact, than they did when we attended a church where they left during the majority of the service to go to "Children's Chapel."

 

The gospel is not a complex message at a child's level of understanding. The rest is details. I like it when the details line up with my own theology, but there are 'essentials' (where we seek unity with our chosen congregation) and 'non essentials' (where we expect variation and allow for freedom). A little flexibility in the freedom of theology department tends to go a long ways in the charity and community department.

 

I disagree here. The theology is not flexible for us. The rest may be "in the details" for Protestants, but that is not true for everyone. There are "essentials" with which my views do not line up with other churches and on which I will not compromise. When I was a Protestant, I would have agreed with you. As an Orthodox catechumen, I cannot.

[Kathryn]

I would never let my children dictate my choice of church. Only God will guide me. And He guided me to the Catholic Church (although I've always felt the door open to Orthodox Church...)

 

The Eucharist is of upmost important. One does not simply attend church for entertainment, socialisation, or even theology. One goes for the Eucharist. And that's only in a Catholic Church (of any rite, not just Roman) or Orthodox Church.

 

Yes, that's a huge reason why we chose Orthodoxy.

[Parrothead]

:001_huh:

What Catholics (and Orthodox) believe about apostolic succession comes into play with Cleo's words. We believe only priests within the Catholic (or Orthodox) church can give us the Eucharist out of wafers of bread.

 

We know some non-Catholic Christians believe that they too have the Eucharist. But the apostolic succession is a sticking point for us.

[Upward Journey]

What Catholics (and Orthodox) believe about apostolic succession comes into play with Cleo's words. We believe only priests within the Catholic (or Orthodox) church can give us the Eucharist out of wafers of bread.

 

We know some non-Catholic Christians believe that they too have the Eucharist. But the apostolic succession is a sticking point for us.

 

Giving it more thought over the last half hour I did come to that conclusion i.e. realize that's what she meant. It was the way she said it, implying that all the rest of us are illigitimate. That may be what she believes, but it's kind of rude to say it.

 

I'm Anglican btw, so I guess we're just pretending when we celebrate the Eucharist each week, right? :tongue_smilie:

[JenniferB]

Christianity has survived and been passed to the next generation for almost two thousand years before the pandering to children's short attention spans and desire for "fun" time came into churches.

 

:iagree: Amen.

 

I hope this isn't a hijack, but I feel compelled to encourage the OP and anyone else who cares to listen to consider the Christianity of old and the children who have died for the faith during the time periods of Christian persecution. Also consider the serious responsibility we as Christians have in raising children to be able to endure persecution. What if Christian persecution is in our future? Would our children be able to accept hardship, torture, or even death for the sake of Christ? Do these children's programs contribute to a strong Christian faith that will enable them to endure hardship or even death for Christ's sake?

 

Consider the Christians of persecuted times. There are longs lists of children who have died for the faith. Here is one. There were no programs in these children's lives to keep them occupied during the service. They attended the services, they participated as fully functional members of the church, and they lived and died for the faith.

 

Here is an Orthodox website with a page dedicated to Orthodox Children Saints (see the links on the right side of the page for stories about children saints).

 

Here is a copy/paste of a story from the above Orthodox website. It should encourage every Christian to read the story of these faithful Christian children. What faith they had! This story gives me much to soberly contemplate. WARNING! This story is not for the squeamish, so don't read on if you have difficulty with gruesome imagery.

 

Child Saints Pistis, Elpis and Agape. (Faith, Hope and Love)

and their Mother Sophia

 

These holy Martyrs dwelt in Italy during the reign of Emperor Hadrian (117-138 AD). They came from a rich and devout family and their mother Sophia brought them up in the one true faith. Their father died when they were young leaving Sophia a widow. Word of their pious Christian life reached the Emperor who, hearing they were in Rome, sent soldiers to bring them before him.

 

Considering their youth, he was amazed at how strong in the faith Sophia’s daughters were, and thinking it was only by supporting one another that they were able to hold their own against him, he decided to the question them separately.

 

Faith, who was twelve years old, was brought in first The Emperor offered her the promise of great gifts and wild riches if she would just sacrifice to the pagan idols. He told her how beautiful she was and what a wonderful life he could make for her. She boldly dismissed the tyrant’s flatteries and scorned him. The Emperor was infuriated and had her stripped and mercilessly beaten. He had her br**sts cut off. However the 12 year old remained steadfast in her love for Christ. She endured many more tortures because of her courage and faith. When, at last, they came to cut off her head, Sophia encouraged her to accept with joy the death that would unite her to Christ and give her the crown of martyrdom.

 

Hope, who was ten years old, was brought in next. Confessing Christ as courageously as her sister, she was beaten and cast into a raging furnace. After many other tortures, she too died by the sword, giving thanks to God.

 

Love, the third of the sisters at 9 years old, was then summoned before the Emperor. His rage was great and his lust for blood even greater. She showed the same steadfast mind as her sisters. The Emperor thinking she was just a simple child tried in vain to convince her that she could save herself from the tortures of her sisters. Little did he know that she welcomed her martyrdom so she could be with Christ. She was hung on a gallows and chained so tightly that her limbs were broken by the bonds. She was then thrown into a furnace, and finally, beheaded.

 

Sophia rejoiced in spirit to see her daughters so gloriously making their way to the ranks of the martyrs. She wept over their graves for three days and then she gave back her soul to God. Their memories are celebrated on September 17.

 

 

_________________

 

 

I am extremely concerned about the state of Christianity in America, and whether or not we are equipped for serious hardship or persecution. I know I don't feel equipped for it. I know I have not equipped my children adequately for it. Lord forgive me, and have mercy on me, a sinner.

[higginszoo]

Even among churches in one denomination, sometimes we've had to pick either the kids or us. This time, we picked the kids. We're Catholic, and when we moved here, we chose a parish that has a lot of great social outreach activities to get involved in and a great religious education program with lots for the middle schoolers, and especially the high school kids to do. There is also a good Boy Scout troop there, they're open to kids finding their own volunteer situations (my older dd cleans the Sunday School fish tank -- I was really surprised here at the places that won't even take volunteer help until a child is at least 14).

 

But it's huge. I hate that aspect of it, the lack of intimacy here that we had at our last parish (we went from 300 people to probably around 10,000). To find that intimacy, we'd probably have to do what we did before and drive half an hour to forty-five minutes (without traffic -- the church we're at now is 10-15 minutes away), and that parish probably wouldn't have the programs for the kids or the volunteer opportunities for the kids. So for now, we'll stay out in our huge suburban megachurch because it has what the kids need.

[Remudamom]

I believe seeing you strong and confident and being nourished in your faith is the best learning for children. Our PCA church has communion every Sunday ;)

[Parrothead]

Giving it more thought over the last half hour I did come to that conclusion i.e. realize that's what she meant. It was the way she said it, implying that all the rest of us are illigitimate. That may be what she believes, but it's kind of rude to say it.

 

I'm Anglican btw, so I guess we're just pretending when we celebrate the Eucharist each week, right? :tongue_smilie:

I don't know since I'm not Anglican. Are you? ;):D

 

Aren't their some Anglican parishes in communion with Rome? Or did that not go through?

[Upward Journey]

I don't know since I'm not Anglican. Are you? ;):D

 

Aren't their some Anglican parishes in communion with Rome? Or did that not go through?

 

Yes, there are, though my parish isn't one of them.

 

Personally, I would be perfectly happy to worship & partake in the Eucharist at the basilica across the street from my house. I won't though, because I respect that they don't feel the same way about me ;)

[texasmama]

At this stage of my life, the kids' needs take precedence, though mine and dh's are not unimportant, just prioritized under the kids'.

[ksr5377]

Does your husband attend Catholic church?

 

This isn't a theory for me. DH and I were born and raised Catholic, married in the Catholic church. I walked away from the Catholic church about 11 years ago. Shortly after, DH stopped attending completely. My goal was to find something that was a better fit. I was taking the spiritual head - completely, totally unbiblical. We are 11 years out and I did not honor my husband. We no longer attend church. I did damage that cannot be undone. What would I recommend? Repent and follow your husband, even if it means bible study at home. The lesson I have taught my children is that I can be headstrong, outrightly disobey God, and do what *I* choose because it "fits" me better, or fulfills me, or makes me feel good, or whatever you want to put in there.

 

There are consequences to such actions and for disobeying not to mention flaunting the authority God Himself set up. It was a huge mistake. Huge.

 

 

My DH does not attend church at all, his current position is that he is agnostic, although I think that he says this to make me feel better. I really think he is atheist. He agrees to not negate the things the children learn about Christianity but he also will not lie about his own personal beliefs to them. This is one of the reasons it is very important to me to find a church that really works for my children and teaches them as well.

 

For brief periods I have attended a church where the children stay with me and they become so resistent to going. And really, who can blame them? Why would they want to go listen to the "old, boring man talk" as my DD said, when they could stay home and snuggle with Daddy watching cartoons? So while I would like church to do more than entertain, that is going to have to be part of it. I need more support on this road, and I feel that if they at least enjoy it somewhat it'll make my path easier.

 

I think this whole process has just been hard for me. I was raised Catholic, I went to Catholic schools, everyone is just Catholic and you just went to the closest church to wear you lived. I don't even have a close friend who has changed churches. So I think I'm still working out what I'm actually looking for, but I also feel like I can't keep hopping around because of my children. I feel like my children would really benefit from Sunday School and other programs like that. My oldest DD has told me that she wants us to have our own church like all her cousins.

 

Sorry this has turned into a book, but I just needed to hear the different ways people have handled this. As I said, I don't know anyone close to me who has changed churches (denominations) so it has been helpful to hear how others have made their choices.

Edited November 6, 2012 by ksr5377

[Heather in Neverland]

We chose a church based on whether or not it meets our Biblical beliefs. Church is not for entertainment (for parents or kids), it is a place to learn and grow as a Christian. If a church is not teaching what I believe, I will not grow and I don't want my kids to have the beliefs of that church. Where we attend right now, there are not many kids and at times it is hard for dd who often is the only kid in her class. But, she is learning the truth of God's word and that is more important to us than having fun with a big group of kids.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

We are currently doing home church because all of the churches on this island are of a denomination whose teachings I disagree with. We would rather stay home and teach them ourselves than sit under teaching we disagree with.

Edited November 6, 2012 by Heather in NC

[texasmama]

For brief periods I have attended a church where the children stay with me and they become so resistent to going. And really, who can blame them? Why would they want to go listen to the "old, boring man talk" as my DD said, when they could stay home and snuggle with Daddy watching cartoons? So while I would like church to do more than entertain, that is going to have to be part of it. I need more support on this road, and I feel that if they at least enjoy it somewhat it'll make my path easier.

 

I understand this part. My oldest ds sits with us during the service, and his stated goal is to fall asleep because it is not engaging to him. My two youngest kids don't want to go to church. My oldest attends her dad's church so she is not affected by our decision. DH and I are in the discussion stage of leaving the church. We have attended there for 14 years so this is not an easy decision, but it no longer meets the needs of our family/kids. We are Protestant, which makes the decision a bit simpler, I think. There are many Protestant denominations to choose from, and we are open to others than the one we are currently attending.

 

:grouphug: OP...I hear the pain in your story, and I'm sorry for that.

[curlylocks]

*IF* we were looking for a new church (which we aren't :tongue_smilie:) we would not choose a church based on the "entertainment factor".

 

We would be looking for sound doctrine.

[mytwomonkeys]

in your shoes, i would look for both. finding a church home where my whole family belonged and would grow would be the only goal.

[texasmama]

*IF* we were looking for a new church (which we aren't :tongue_smilie:) we would not choose a church based on the "entertainment factor".

 

We would be looking for sound doctrine.

 

These two are not mutually exclusive, though I would not use the term "entertainment factor" to describe engaging programming for children.

[mytwomonkeys]

These two are not mutually exclusive, though I would not use the term "entertainment factor" to describe engaging programming for children.

 

me neither. i would never describe our church's programs or small groups for any age "entertainment".

[PeacefulChaos]

These two are not mutually exclusive, though I would not use the term "entertainment factor" to describe engaging programming for children.

 

:iagree: 100%

I actually would be kind of ticked if someone used that term to describe our children's ministry, or assumed that the reason we love children's church is because it 'entertains' them for us. :) Just sayin...

[Harriet Vane]

I have always chosen churches for the kids first. Why? Because it is my job to raise them as Christians and that is hard to do if they don't value the church. At this point, we are at a church that works really well for all of us in the household. But at other times, I took the kids' preferences above my own. I figured I could go to my own choice when they are out of the house.

 

:iagree:

[Lovedtodeath]

I would find a church that has both to offer- better for you AND your children.

 

youll just have to keep looking. :grouphug:

:iagree:and praying, and listening to Christ as He leads you.

 

My daughter really liked the youth program at a large church that my neighbor goes to but they do not teach my beliefs and dd actually ended up having an experience that made her also decide that they were wrong. Then there was the small church I was baptized at that seem to have more right, but not enough that I wanted them teaching my kids... especially in a program where I am not there to correct things. I knew I had to keep looking...

 

and God stepped in and led me to a church that teaches what He had already taught me. :) This church has a children's message in the middle of the services where the kids go up to the stage and are taught right there in front of the parents. They also have a "fellowship hall" with tables and snacks and most people stay afterwards. My daughter really liked that... and I like that this Lutheran church teaches sound doctrine and provides the sacrament of the Eucharist. She memorized scripture at the other's kids programs, but at this church she walks away from the altar with tears in her eyes, as she knows Christ gives his body and blood for her...

 

We also have 4 Lutheran churches within 10 minutes of our house.... with LCMS and ELCA to choose from. Have you checked to see that you aren't missing any in your area? They can be very different... We even have one LCMS with a children's program and one without.

 

So far so good, but we have yet to win over DH and DS. I think DH may be more comfortable at a UMC church.

 

You might also consider attending both churches, one with your kids and one without?

Edited November 7, 2012 by Lovedtodeath

[Lovedtodeath]

 

So I think I'm still working out what I'm actually looking for, but I also feel like I can't keep hopping around because of my children. I feel like my children would really benefit from Sunday School and other programs like that. My oldest DD has told me that she wants us to have our own church like all her cousins.

Yes exactly! Not to mention friends. Around here people don't typically make playdates with your kids or come to their birthday parties unless you go to their church. I miss having a church family too. If only the church I was baptized at had doctrine I could agree with... I am just praying for patience.