Hoot Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 So, DH and I don't share friends. At all. We never have. He and his friends do their thing, and I do mine. In the 14 yrs. we have been married, we have never mingled for anything more than cursory events. I'm okay with that; in fact, I prefer it that way. One of DH's friends is getting married for the second time and DH is in the wedding again. The first time around, I went to the wedding. Because DH was in it, I was stuck at a table by myself with some of his friends while he was off doing groomsmen things. I knew a few of the people I was sitting with but I'm really not comfortable with any of them. We were some of the last people to leave and all total, I think I saw DH for about 20 min. of the entire wedding and reception. Honestly, it sucked. This time around I'm thinking we're going to end up with the same scenario; DH off doing what it is he's supposed to be doing while I'm stuck alone with a bunch of people I don't know who are all there as couples. I'm sure you've figured out by this point that I have no desire to go. DH wants me to go but says that it will probably be a lot like the first time. I really don't need a babysitter but geez, I think it's kind of ridiculous to ask me to go if I'm not going to get to eat with you, sit with you, or even talk to you for more than a few minutes over the course of several hours. Would it be rude to tell DH to go have fun but that I won't be joining this time around, or should I just suck it up and go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Can you bring a friend for yourself? If your dh is in the wedding party, presumably he knows them well enough to ask if he can bring 2 people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Personally, I wouldn't go. I do not do well in awkward social situations... I'd end up miserable and probably pissed off at DH. But maybe it is something he could ask his friend this time around about seating arrangements? Would that make it better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Same thing applies to a high school reunion. You go with the spouse to support him or be the trophy wife. ;) But also have fun if you can. Get a drink and mingle. At one event, where I knew no one... I had a blast talking with one gal (she was in the same boat as I was with not knowing anyone and we both were former public schoolteachers) over many glasses of wine. It was a great time! Try to go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I think you should find someone to be your +1. Then you and your friend can enjoy an evening out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Can you take 2 cars and leave when you are ready? I would try to go, because dh wanted me to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I wouldn't go. My moh's dh didn't come to my wedding. He wouldn't have known anyone and would have been stuck like you. I wasn't offended at all. I was glad he felt comfortable enough to stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I hate going to weddings. I don't know why that is. In this case I don't think I'd want to go. Does your DH really care one way or the other? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Couples are not joined at the hip. There's no reason that you have to go to a wedding where you don't really know anyone. They're his friends; he can go alone. It will be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I couldn't pass up delicious wedding cake! Go and make the best of it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Couples are not joined at the hip. There's no reason that you have to go to a wedding where you don't really know anyone. They're his friends; he can go alone. It will be fine. :iagree: Personally, I would go because I like cake and open bars. :tongue_smilie:However, there is nothing at all wrong with not going. I don't think it will reflect poorly upon him, you, your relationship, or anything else. I think this (not accompanying spouse to event) is pretty common these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I wouldn't go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriede Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 If you don't want to go, don't. If you'd like to go, but just want to see DH more, see if you can sit at the same table. It might be more lax since its a second wedding. When I got married, the bridal party all ate dinner together, but when plates began to empty, my MOH asked if she could join her fiancé, who was by himself like you would be. At that point, who cares? It's a party, no need for assigned seating. And she still fulfilled all her "duties" while keeping her DF company. ETA: it was a buffet style dinner. If its plated, that might not work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I don't think in the normal course of things it would matter if you went or not, but in this case seeing as you went to this man's first wedding, not going to his second wedding may seem like you are commenting on "this" wife, or "this" marriage. You never know how people will take things. Simply because of those reasons I would go and see if I could bring a friend to keep me company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Why can't your dh spend time with you at the wedding? Presumably, he's not going to be chained at the head table, so there's no real reason why he needs to spend the entire evening hanging out with the bridal party -- and if he wants to be with them, why can't you be there, too? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 by the number of people who think you should just ask if you can bring a friend so you won't be bored. I know people don't intend for you to ask it that way, of course. You do not ask to bring friends to someone's wedding so that you won't be stuck socializing with their boring old friends. You don't ask if you can bring friends to a wedding for almost any reason. It puts the hosts in an awkward position, and it's just not polite and nice. If someone wants you to bring a friend, they send an invitation that indicates that. Much better to make a polite excuse and not go to the wedding then to ask to bring extra people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I would go because your husband asked you to go. You need not stay for hours and hours. I'm sure there will be a point that it will be natural for you to leave long before your dh leaves. And I agree that asking if one can bring a guest to the wedding would be rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 It's not rude in the least, especially since you've done this for this friend once already. I wouldn't go, either. And personally, I think your dh is selfish to ask you to go and sit all night and be bored. I would tell him I wasn't going and that he could just put on his big boy pants and deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I would ageee that it's rude to ask to bring an extra person if you are just a regular guest, but as a member of the wedding party, I don't think it's rude at all. OP, I went as the date of a friend of mine to a wedding where he was in the wedding party. I only went because he wanted me to go, but he wasn't able to spend much time with me at all. I didn't hit it off with anyone at my table and had a really boring time. I would bring a friend or just not go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I agree that spouses aren't joined at the hip, but for that reason, I wouldn't be surprised to be asked to go to something where I wouldn't be sitting with my husband. I've been to work and extended family functions where I haven't seen him much, but usually people take me under their wing, or I just mingle on my own. I'm a mild introvert, but if I didn't have a lot of experience doing mingling and work events, or was way more introverted, this would be a lot harder, I'm sure. My situation is also different in that my husband and I have lots of separate friends, but a mutual expectation that we make efforts to appreciate and be friendly to each other's friends when we run across them. From what I know of your situation, I wouldn't go, but I'd make up an excuse, maybe even turning it into a weekend where I had long standing plans to visit relatives or old friends, and then actually do it, so it wouldn't be a total lie. But YMMV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I wouldn't go. Just last year I went to a wedding of some friends of mine that dh met once but doesn't really know - alone. I had a blast. I didn't have to keep explaining inside jokes or make sure that he wasn't bored. He didn't mind staying home either. If he had asked to go, then he could have - his name was on the invitation too, but he didn't want to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Not eating with him? You mean they won't sit you at the same table? I would cheerfully have a fun night at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Can you take 2 cars and leave when you are ready? I would try to go, because dh wanted me to. :iagree:Exactly what I'd do. It's probably good to make a wifey appearance and nice to do simply because your hubby asked. BUT that's no reason to have an entirely sucky extended time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Couples are not joined at the hip. There's no reason that you have to go to a wedding where you don't really know anyone. They're his friends; he can go alone. It will be fine. :iagree: Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I would go because I think it is good manners to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Not eating with him? You mean they won't sit you at the same table? I would cheerfully have a fun night at home. Wedding parties are usually seated separately, at a head table, from the rest of the guests. If one is in the party and the other not, and it is a sit down dinner, they are not likely to sit together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I would go and enjoy meeting someone new, and no, I'm not an extrovert. I think it's interesting to meet someone I have absolutely nothing in common with. When I ask them about themselves they talk about something I don't know about which is a great opportunity for me to hear a perspective I don't share, learn about someone, somewhere, or something I would otherwise not be exposed to. Life would be dreadfully dull if I only hung out with people who are living parallel lives to mine. Go explore the world one chance meeting at a time. Be prepared to chat with someone not at your table if everyone at your table is a bore. Ask those you meet how they know the couple, what they like to do when they get together with the couple, etc. You never know what funny story they have to tell or interesting hobby they have. Ask what they do, how they got into that line of work, what would surprise people about their line of work, etc. Ask where they're from, what's to do or see there-you may decide to travel there for a vacation some day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Wow. Noooooooooooooo on bringing a friend. That is just so wrong. I am not sure how I feel about not going. If my husband asks me to be his "plus one" I am there for him. I tend to think this is the right thing to do, but that is something to work out with your dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I wouldn't go and my dh would understand. We do nearly everything together but neither of us would drag the other along to a social event that would drive the other crazy without good reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I think it's okay (and understandable) for you to just stay home if that's your preference. I would not ask to bring a friend. Although I'm with the person who said she likes cake and open bars lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 Bringing a friend would not be totally inappropriate because the invitation is for myself, DH and DS13. There is already an allotment for a third person anyway. However, there are a couple of problems with that. DH would have a stroke if I suggested bringing someone else, and I don't have any friends I would take anyway. I am extremely introverted and most of my work is with young children or animals so I don't have the opportunity to hang with adult humans much. :tongue_smilie: Truly, I'm okay with that. It's just my personality. Because DS13 was invited I could opt to take him, but I really hate to drag him to a weeding just to be MY +1 when I know he'll be just as bored as me. As for going later and leaving early, I had thought of that as a possibility. I'll have to look and see where the wedding and reception are located to see if that's an option. I know some of you would at least enjoy the food and booze but that's not even something that would be an option. I don't drink at all and never have. It's not a moral stance or anything, I've just never had a desire. Also, I'm a raw vegan, which means that the only part of the meal I will even be able to eat would be the salad before the entree. I really don't have a problem with that and have gone to weddings where this is the case before. I don't expect a special meal or any sort of special treatment where food is concerned; I just deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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