Question for adoptive parents

[Hot Lava Mama]

How do you adopt an "infant" meaning a newborn? Is it possible? I have read some stuff online, but most state they will "place an infant in about a year".

 

:confused:

 

That's a one year old, not an infant. Is it possible to adopt a baby and get the baby when they are only one day old? How?

 

Is it better to go through an agency or private attorney? Which one is less intrusive?

 

Thanks

Hot Lava Mama

[Whereneverever]

Are you talking domestic, in the USA?

[Sneezyone]

DH and I adopted an infant and brought the baby home with us from the hospital and we know of many others like ourselves. If you're truly interested in adoption, contact agencies near you and attend their information sessions. Agencies are usually one stop outfits but they're not the only way to go. As you get more comfortable with the process and/or want more control and say in how things work, then you might branch out and look at facilitators and/or private attorneys. It's not a matter of which is better. It's which best meets your needs and preferences (e.g. some are better at protecting/respecting the rights of biological parents, some specialize in international placements, some work with only heterosexual Christian couples, etc.).

[indigomama]

How do you adopt an "infant" meaning a newborn? Is it possible? I have read some stuff online, but most state they will "place an infant in about a year".

 

:confused:

 

That's a one year old, not an infant. Is it possible to adopt a baby and get the baby when they are only one day old? How?

 

Is it better to go through an agency or private attorney? Which one is less intrusive?

 

Thanks

Hot Lava Mama

 

Yes, people adopt newborns straight from the hospital. I don't know what you are reading but when it says will " place an infant in about a year", they probably mean, it will take about a year from when you start the process until you have completed all the requirements and a mom has decided to place a baby in your family. Not that they have a baby and then after a year you are getting that baby.

 

Agency vs private attorney could really depend on where you live.

[Annie G]

DD and her dh adopted a newborn a month ago, domestic adoption through Bethany.

 

Maybe what you've read really means that it'll take a year to get a newborn once you get the paperwork started. The baby will be an infant, but it'll take a year for it to happen. It took dd almost two years, but there were a couple of times they thought they had a baby and then it didn't work out.

[lexi]

If you mean domestic, yes it is possible to adopt an infant (a few days old). I would recommend going through an agency because there are so many legal issues and crazy things. I think people have better chances through an agency. But that's just from my friends' experiences.

 

If you're talking international-no, you won't get a baby in most cases. Most international adoptions are toddler or above. But every country and agency is completely different. Your best bet is to talk to agencies in your area and learn what their policies are.

 

I'm not an adoptive parent but an adoptive (and yes I was adopted as an infant-so it does happen!). :001_smile:

[jujsky]

We adopted internationally, but my best friends adopted domestically and they adopted an infant. In fact, as soon as the birth mother left the hospital, they were able to stay at the hospital with the baby until enough days had passed where they could take him home. It was a private adoption through an agency.

 

Our son was 6 months old when we adopted him -- exceptionally young for an international adoption.

[Perogi]

To get a brand new baby I would think you need to go through a private, domestic adoption agency. And have patience.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, I know someone who has adopted one and is in the process of adopting another through fostercare, both kids gotten at 2 days old. Of course, they've had lots of kids over five years so....

 

I also know another person who adopted from Ethiopia. The referral was when he was quite little. Some stuff changed in the process from that country during their adoption so their son ended up staying in the agency home longer than any child ever had. They still picked him up under a year old. Most kids were going home at 6-8months though.

 

Of course, you can go through an agency. Then it really is whether birth moms like your profile and/or you as well as a number of other factors (how many couples and moms the agency has per year, etc). Some people adopt quite quickly. Others adopt much more slowly or never.

 

Anyway, sure, some people get newborns.

[Denisemomof4]

The wait for an infant can be longer and patience is a must!

 

My friend went through a private attorney. I don't remember how long the wait was but hers was a litt,e shirter since race or mixed race were ok with her.

 

I have another friend who is currently waiting to adopt an infant or baby out of foster care.

[MotherMayI]

We brought our daughter home from the hospital and we adopted through the state. The actual adoption didn't take place until she was 8 months old.

[Rose in BC]

We adopted our daughter as a newborn baby. We used a private agency. We had to wait two years before we were chosen by birth parents. It is an open adoption although our contact with birth family has always been limited over the years (she's 16).

[alpidarkomama]

We adopted a baby boy from Ethiopia and he came home at 6 months. Definitely possible.

 

Also, I'm not sure what you mean by intrusive or more intrusive?? In any adoption process your entire financial and personal life will be gone over with a fine-toothed comb. Your social worker and adoption agent will know EVERYTHING about you. :) All for a good reason! :)

[KrissiK]

Most people do have to go through a private agency to get a child under a year old, unless you get a sib set. We have 5 adopted children. Our boys are bio-sibs, we got them at 13 mo. &. 4 mo., our oldest daughter was 2 days old. We did get her through the county, but it was a very rare circumstance. Our two youngest are bio-sibs and they were 2 1/2 years and 10 mo. old.

[LittleIzumi]

I have a friend who adopted two newborns through the foster care system, as well.

[Heather in Neverland]

We adopted our ds from Korea and he was 7 months old when we got him.

 

We adopted our daughter here in Malaysia and she was only 12 days old when we got her.

 

It is possible!

[stripe]

I know two couples who adopted infants right after birth. One was a private adoption after a loooong and disappointing process with several near misses. The birth mother was not very young, married, and had several children already. I think he went home from the hospital with them. The other couple seemed to have registered with either a private agency or a government agency. Anyway they got a call maybe a month after signing up, and adopted a newborn girl.

[plansrme]

I am so glad that so many people want infants; it frees up lots of wonderful, amazing older children for those of us who would rather skip that whole messy first year of parenting and go straight to the good stuff. I still feel like I scammed the system by adopting at 15 months and that someone is going to figure out that I owe the world 15 months of colic, expensive formula, diapers, and no sleep. So if any of you know who is in charge of making sure parenting is fair--shhhh! Don't tell anyone I got away with it!

 

Terri

[Susan in TN]

If you mean domestic, yes it is possible to adopt an infant (a few days old). I would recommend going through an agency because there are so many legal issues and crazy things. I think people have better chances through an agency. But that's just from my friends' experiences.

 

:001_smile:

 

Yes, definitely go through an agency. When my sister and BIL were trying to adopt several years ago, three times they had young (unmarried) girls "arrange" for them to adopt their babies, but it never worked out. Once the girl decided to keep the baby (which is fine) and the other girls decided to have abortions. It was heartbreaking. I think an agency would be able to screen the birth mothers more thoroughly and keep a little more separation before the actual birth.

 

Don't mean to be upsetting, just to let you know of the possibilities.

[stripe]

Yes, definitely go through an agency. When my sister and BIL were trying to adopt several years ago, three times they had young (unmarried) girls "arrange" for them to adopt their babies, but it never worked out.

I don't know exactly how the couple I knew found the pregnant women earlier in their adoption journey, where it ultimately did not work out, but they were put in the position of being asked for money for things, and feeling that if they did not give money, it would mean the adoption would be scrapped because she would get mad. They found out some of these women had multiple potential adoptive couples involved, and they felt a bit used by the experience, especially as they were not at all wealthy. I would be cautious about this.

[jujsky]

I am so glad that so many people want infants; it frees up lots of wonderful, amazing older children for those of us who would rather skip that whole messy first year of parenting and go straight to the good stuff. I still feel like I scammed the system by adopting at 15 months and that someone is going to figure out that I owe the world 15 months of colic, expensive formula, diapers, and no sleep. So if any of you know who is in charge of making sure parenting is fair--shhhh! Don't tell anyone I got away with it!

 

Terri

 

When we applied to adopt DS from Russia, we listed "0-24 months" on the form. With most people requesting 0-12 months, we felt certain they would place a toddler with us, and I was fine with that -- less time in diapers, not as fussy, etc. I was shocked when I got the call that they had a 5 month-old picked out for us! My inner-Hermione Granger came out, "But-but....I read all these books on toddler adoption. I don't know anything about babies!" :lol: It all worked out just fine, but I initially had the same thoughts as you. I certainly wasn't set on a baby. I'm not that much of a baby person -- I love toddlers and teens -- the awkward ages most people hate. I don't know if the officials were just going by the next baby and couple on the list and he matched the criteria, or if they wanted to place the youngest baby possible with us because we were so young for an adoptive couple (28 and 29). However it happened, we ended up adopting DS when he was 6 months, 2 days old. Luckily for us, he was the best baby ever. That changed around 3 when my sweet baby boy turned into a defiant little monster :D.

[Kaleidoscope]

Ours were adopted through Dfcs. Could the reference you read about placing them at a year old have been related to foster care. The paperwork for foster care references 12-15 monts as being how long it usually takes to know if the child is adoptable.

 

Three of our children came to our home as babies but weren't adopted for several years.

[Ottakee]

I am so glad that so many people want infants; it frees up lots of wonderful, amazing older children for those of us who would rather skip that whole messy first year of parenting and go straight to the good stuff. I still feel like I scammed the system by adopting at 15 months and that someone is going to figure out that I owe the world 15 months of colic, expensive formula, diapers, and no sleep. So if any of you know who is in charge of making sure parenting is fair--shhhh! Don't tell anyone I got away with it!

 

Terri

 

:lol:I had to laugh at this. Our oldest came to us at 7 1/2 YEARS old.....sleeping through the night, potty trained, and he could tie his own shoes and ride a bike. I figured we had it easy.

 

Our middle one came at 7 1/2 months old and then our youngest at 2 days old--got her right from the hospital. It was another 2 1/2 years though before we could finalize their adoption and there were some rough moments in there as NOTHING is certain with foster care until the judge "bangs the hammer" as our son said when he was little.

[Rose in BC]

I am so glad that so many people want infants; it frees up lots of wonderful, amazing older children for those of us who would rather skip that whole messy first year of parenting and go straight to the good stuff. I still feel like I scammed the system by adopting at 15 months and that someone is going to figure out that I owe the world 15 months of colic, expensive formula, diapers, and no sleep. So if any of you know who is in charge of making sure parenting is fair--shhhh! Don't tell anyone I got away with it!

 

Terri

 

We've done both ...newborn baby followed by two boys adopted around their fourth birthday. Either way has challenges and rewards.

[Heather in Neverland]

I am so glad that so many people want infants; it frees up lots of wonderful, amazing older children for those of us who would rather skip that whole messy first year of parenting and go straight to the good stuff. I still feel like I scammed the system by adopting at 15 months and that someone is going to figure out that I owe the world 15 months of colic, expensive formula, diapers, and no sleep. So if any of you know who is in charge of making sure parenting is fair--shhhh! Don't tell anyone I got away with it!

 

Terri

 

And I am glad for people who prefer older children as it "frees up" beautiful, cuddly infants with that wonderful newborn smell, cooing sounds, snuggled in the crook of my arm, in a ball sleeping on my dh's chest... you know, the "good stuff". :rolleyes:

 

 

 

.

[plansrme]

And I am glad for people who prefer older children as it "frees up" beautiful, cuddly infants with that wonderful newborn smell, cooing sounds, snuggled in the crook of my arm, in a ball sleeping on my dh's chest... you know, the "good stuff". :rolleyes:

 

 

 

.

 

So glad newborns have a champion here, 'cause you know, they need advocates, too. Oh no, wait...

 

Terri

[Heather in Neverland]

So glad newborns have a champion here, 'cause you know, they need advocates, too. Oh no, wait...

 

Terri

 

Well, since this thread is ABOUT newborns, there really is no need to champion them. There is also no need to hijack it in an effort to make those who adopt newborns feel guilty.

 

Adoption of ANY kind is a wonderful thing. Notice how I said "a" wonderful thing...not the most wonderful thing...or the only wonderful thing...

 

One thing doesn't have to be bad in order for something else to be good. I was a foster parent to FIVE TEENAGERS at the same time in between adopting infants and I have a birth child so I have experienced many facets of parenting and they are all wonderful in their own way.

 

The OP asked for advice on adopting a newborn. It's great that you adopted an older child but coming onto this thread and referring to the older kids as "the good stuff" and infants as messy and undesirable was uncalled for and in poor taste.

 

You want to advocate for older child adoption? Start your own thread.

 

I guess the mommy wars never end. :glare:

 

 

.

[HS Mom in NC]

International Infant Adoption

 

We adopted our youngest child from S. Korea in 2006. She arrived when she was 7 months old. As I understand it the policy has changed since then so Korean children are not available for international adoption until they are older. You can expect the youngest child you can get will be about a year old. International adoption changes all the time and varies dramatically from country to country. You'll need to get up to the minute information directly from an agency.

 

Attachment Issues In Those Adopted in Infancy

 

I don't know why you're asking but some ask because they think they're guaranteed an easy transition if they get an infant. Be sure you understand that RAD and other attachment issues are still possible in children adopted at birth and in infancy. Some people seem to think only older children and/or children from abusive situations or orphanages have it. It's much less common than children who've been through terrible situations, but it's still a possibility. If you're not willing to deal with it as effectively as possible (getting qualified help from experts on attachment issues in adopted children-not your pastor and not your ped) then don't adopt. It's not for you. Sorry to be so harsh about that, but it's an increasing problem in the adoptive community. Too many adoptive parents aren't doing their homework and aren't preparing for real possibilities and the children suffer.

 

Our daughter had serious emotional issues for the first year because some children who have been loved and adored by their foster families (Korea is the gold standard for fostercare in the world) go through the grieving process when they lose their foster mothers-the only mothers they've ever known. How would your 7 month old feel if one day someone put him/her on a plane and sent them to the other side of the world to live with people who are strangers?

 

She experienced night terrors, she couldn't sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time for about 3 months, then she couldn't sleep for more than 3 hours for a few months, then it moved up to waking a time or two at night, then by the time she was 3 she finally started sleeping through the night regularly. The agency told us there are kids with severe sleep issues for 10 years. She had real separation anxiety because she has experienced being away from her foster mom to never see her again. What most people call separation anxiety in their children is nothing compared to what some kids experience. If you're not willing to deal with sleep issues and screaming in a loving, compassionate way, don't adopt.

[Mom2OandE]

We adopted through the foster care system. Where we lived they had a program for children birth to 2 whose bio parents had multiple children already tpr'd and adopted. The plan was you foster with the intent to adopt from day one. Our kids came home at the same time at 5 weeks and 10 months. Yes it's not day one but 5 weeks is pretty close.

[craftyerin]

My son was placed at 3 weeks old. We adopted through the foster care system.

[kiwi3129]

Is it better to go through an agency or private attorney? Which one is less intrusive?

 

There is no such thing as an adoption that is not intrusive. Your life will be scrutinized in a way that it probably has never been before.

[Hot Lava Mama]

I guess I prefer an infant for several reason that I won't discuss here.

 

But I do have a question about the RAD issue. I haven't read much about adoption, actually, but I guess I did assume RAD would not really be "much" of an issue with a newborn. How could it be if you get a newborn from the hospital?

 

Any advice on good web sites to visit to get educated on this subject? Also, any good agencies anyone can recommend?

 

Thanks so much.

[Beth.]

But I do have a question about the RAD issue. I haven't read much about adoption, actually, but I guess I did assume RAD would not really be "much" of an issue with a newborn. How could it be if you get a newborn from the hospital?

 

We adopted two kids - #1 straight from the hospital, #2 home with us at 6 weeks. For the first two years of DD2's life, she cried (okay, screamed) each time someone sneezed or coughed. Her birth mom spent her pregnant days hanging out at the library and apparently didn't experience much noise. :001_huh: We also have attachment issues. While it isn't anywhere near RAD levels, it is hard. We are currently in an anxious-attachment phase and it's exhausting. DD1 knew I was momma from day one. Temperament plays a big role in how kids deal with losing their birth moms.

 

Oh, and all adoption processes are intrusive. :tongue_smilie: Plan A didn't work out for for baby, it's agency's job to be darn sure Plan B is going to be the right home for baby.

 

We were incredibly lucky that we were able to adopt two healthy newborn babies in less than three years. We used a small, local private adoption agency and were very pleased with our experiences. We paid less than $15k in fees for each adoption. It's not uncommon for costs to be $35k+ right now. Some states (like CA) have better foster care systems in place that make getting an infant much easier than other states.

[KrissiK]

Some states (like CA) have better foster care systems in place that make getting an infant much easier than other states.

Do you live in California?

[Jpoy85]

I guess I prefer an infant for several reason that I won't discuss here.

 

But I do have a question about the RAD issue. I haven't read much about adoption, actually, but I guess I did assume RAD would not really be "much" of an issue with a newborn. How could it be if you get a newborn from the hospital?

 

Any advice on good web sites to visit to get educated on this subject? Also, any good agencies anyone can recommend?

 

Thanks so much.

 

RAD can happen in infants because they still know this stranger isnt their birth mom. Babies have a connection to their mothers in a remarkable way. No they cant speak with words, but they connect in other ways. It is still hard on them. Thats why its important to work with someone who is UTD on RAD because it can be hard to work with kids who cant quite communicate like you and I can.

[Heather in Neverland]

Neither of my adopted children have major or even moderate RAD issues. The most I can say is that they are both rather shy but I have no idea if that is because they are adopted as plenty of non-adopted kids are shy, too.

 

RAD is very real but it is not an automatic thing. You need to be aware of it and go into this with your eyes wide open but also be assured that those scary stories do NOT happen with every child.

 

BTW, both my dh and his sister were adopted at birth and neither had RAD issues either.

 

 

.

[happyhomemaker25]

So glad newborns have a champion here, 'cause you know, they need advocates, too. Oh no, wait...

 

Terri

 

Really? Any child who needs a family needs an advocate.

[happyhomemaker25]

We adopted our children from foster care. I had the wonderful experience of many different ages. At the time of our adoption our oldest was 9 our next child was 6, then a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and 4m old. The baby was the brother to our 3yo and we brought baby home from the hospital. We have one RAD, the oldest and one with some minor attachment issues, my youngest girl. The rest of our kids are doing well. I do agree that all adoptive parents should be aware and educated on attachment issues. I know plenty of adoptive families who don't have any, but knowledge is power, especially in this case.

I was adopted through a private agency with an attorney as a newborn. My parents were on a waiting list for a little over a year before they got a call about a month before I was born that they were next on the list. They had to go through three agencies to get approved because my mom has a slight disability.

I am so happy I got the experience of bringing a baby home from the hospital. At the time we were not sure if we'd be able to have biological children so getting to experience the newborn stage was just so precious to me. My youngest son and I do have a special bond that I don't have with my older kids. I love them all and we have all (even my RAD kid though with her it was just in the past year) bonded, but there was something about this little person being completely dependent upon me, getting up in the middle of the night with him, snuggling in close an smelling that baby smell that was unique to him.

[Hot Lava Mama]

Sorry to sound very stupid, but what "exactly IS" RAD? I know it is some kind of attachment disorder, but, how can you tell in an infant/toddler that it isn't just a personality type of issue (or even just normal infant/toddler issues)?

 

Where can I read up on this?

Thanks so much for your help.

Hot Lava Mama

[Hot Lava Mama]

What is included in the research into our family?

 

The reason I ask is because I already have 5 kids (all ours) and I don't want to tramatize them.

 

I actually "could" have another baby, but I start to fear that something will happen and my kids will be left without a mom. Just trying to figure out if we should go the adoption route, try to have another on our own, or just be satisfied with what we have.

 

Hot Lava Mama

[KrissiK]

Neither of my adopted children have major or even moderate RAD issues. The most I can say is that they are both rather shy but I have no idea if that is because they are adopted as plenty of non-adopted kids are shy, too.

 

RAD is very real but it is not an automatic thing. You need to be aware of it and go into this with your eyes wide open but also be assured that those scary stories do NOT happen with every child.

 

BTW, both my dh and his sister were adopted at birth and neither had RAD issues either.

 

 

.

:iagree: If my children have any attachment problems, I don't know about it. They all seemed to attach pretty well. When we took our adoption classes, our teacher said that if they are able to attach with a birth parent or foster parent then they will be able to attach with us and we have found this to be true. The oldest of the two we adopted last was 2 1/2 when we got her and I'd say it took longer for her to attach and there are still a few little things, but we've had then girls over a year now and things are going smoothly. The adoption issues we have been tackling (they aren't major, just things to be dealt with) are race issues with our oldest son right now.

[Tap]

I guess I prefer an infant for several reason that I won't discuss here.

 

But I do have a question about the RAD issue. I haven't read much about adoption, actually, but I guess I did assume RAD would not really be "much" of an issue with a newborn. How could it be if you get a newborn from the hospital?

 

Any advice on good web sites to visit to get educated on this subject? Also, any good agencies anyone can recommend?

 

Thanks so much.

 

Because the baby didn't come from the hospital. It came from inside a mother! The baby spent 100% of its life, listening to one heart beat, hearing her voice, eating what she ate, feeling her emotions, and feeling every bump from her steps.

 

An adoptive mom has a different voice, different heart beat, different foot steps when carrying the baby and have a different personality/energy about them.

 

The baby is attached to its bio-mother. Some babies transition to a new family quickly and seamingly, well seamlessly. Some just take a bit longer, and some never do.

[Murmer]

Sorry to sound very stupid, but what "exactly IS" RAD? I know it is some kind of attachment disorder, but, how can you tell in an infant/toddler that it isn't just a personality type of issue (or even just normal infant/toddler issues)?

 

Where can I read up on this?

Thanks so much for your help.

Hot Lava Mama

 

It is hard to untangle things when kids are little. My dd had symptoms that looked like lots of things including rad. Turns out she was having seizures and ADHD that were inhibiting her a lot and causing those behaviors. But we had learned about attachment and many of the basic things that help attachment kids are great for all kids like wearing them ect.

[Ottakee]

They ask them what they think about adoption, etc. Nothing too intrusive for the kids.

 

Honestly though, with you already having 5 bio kids, the chances of being chosen for an infant are pretty small. Most agencies work with those with zero or 1, maybe 2 other kids (so as to give more people a chance at being a parent).

 

You might get a baby through foster care but there are NO promises there and at times you can parent the baby from 2 days old and at 1 year the judge decides the parents can have him back or they find a blood relative, etc. The agencies in our area will not license foster parents JUST for infants. They want people who will take a wider range of kids and be willing to FOSTER the child, not just take adoptable ones (which often isn't known for up to a year or more).

[Ottakee]

I agree. One of ours was diagnosed with RAD but while she did have attachment issues, it was seizures, bipolar, and ADHD behind all of it that was causing problems with attachment. Once we medically treated those, she was able to form good attachments (but those things also keep life interesting).

[Lisa in Jax]

Sorry to sound very stupid, but what "exactly IS" RAD? I know it is some kind of attachment disorder, but, how can you tell in an infant/toddler that it isn't just a personality type of issue (or even just normal infant/toddler issues)?

 

Where can I read up on this?

Thanks so much for your help.

Hot Lava Mama

 

"RAD" is Reactive Attachment Disorder. In a nutshell, it means that a child was traumatized by his infancy and early childhood in a way that makes him feel unlovable, unsafe, scared and angry. There's much MUCH more to it, of course.

 

A child with attachment issues will do whatever he thinks he needs to do to be safe. Usually, this includes severe acting out behaviors, trying to control other people, rejecting mom and mom's love, etc.

 

If you're thinking, "Poor baby! We'll just love him to death and he'll start to trust us," you're mistaken. It doesn't work like that. Kids with true "RAD" need therapy and *very* specialized parenting to heal, and it can take years.

 

Here's one way to imagine what it's like to adopt a child with attachment issues or "RAD": Imagine that you've been told you're now matched with a new husband.

 

You start off with a positive attitude, and while you wait to meet him, you're excited. You spend a lot of time daydreaming about your new husband -- how much fun you'll have together, how you're share your lives, how "in sync" you'll be, how you'll dote on him and show your love. He'll see how loving and kind you are, and he'll love your cooking, appreciate your sense of humor, think you're smart, hard working, funny...

 

Your new husband arrives, and he's ANGRY. Soon, it is clear that he didn't want to marry you. He says he already *has* a wife, and even if she was abusive to him or left him or has died, he still loves and wants *her.* So, he refuses your cooking to the point of gagging when you serve it. He cringes and pulls away when you hug him. He wipes off your kisses or hits you when you get close to him. He spits on you when he's angry. He ruins gifts just because *you* gave them to him. He won't shower or comb his hair. He lies to you, frowns when you talk to him, refuses to do anything you ask and won't help you in any way, *especially* if it matters to you. Nothing you do is good enough. He wants to argue all the time, or he ignores you and glares.

 

Would you easily fall in love with your new husband in this situation? Of course not. It's the same with an attachment-disordered child. *You* want to fall in love and you've daydreamed about loving him, but if the child didn't choose *you.* He wants his birth family, *even if they abused him.*

 

If he is not able to accept your love, it's really difficult to fall in love. It's also really hard to parent a child who is emotionally traumatized by neglect and/or abuse.

 

I know I sound like Debbie Downer, but RAD is real. RAD *is* less common in young infants, but it can happen. So, it's imperative that you learn how to help an adopted child (of any age) bond and attach to your family.

 

There are tons of websites and books about dealing with attachment disorder. Google "Reactive attachment disorder" or "Developmental Trauma Disorder," or search Amazon and your library for "older child adoption." ("Older" in this case means non-newborn. I know you're thinking about adopting an infant, not an "older child," but if you don't adopt *at birth,* you need to know about RAD and attachment issues, b/c even kids less than a year old can have attachment issues, if the birth family was neglectful or abusive, for example).

 

The only way to be *completely* sure a child won't have attachment issues is to start at birth. After that, there's a chance of attachment disorder.

 

No one can truly prepare for raising a child with attachment disorder, but you must prepare yourself as much as you can.

 

Lisa

mom to one bio child and one adopted child who's now (mostly) healed from RAD.

[ilovemy6kids]

What is included in the research into our family?

 

The reason I ask is because I already have 5 kids (all ours) and I don't want to tramatize them.

 

I actually "could" have another baby, but I start to fear that something will happen and my kids will be left without a mom. Just trying to figure out if we should go the adoption route, try to have another on our own, or just be satisfied with what we have.

 

Hot Lava Mama

 

We just completed out homestudy and in our experierence it was NOT traumatizing to our kids. She was here for a few hours and talked to each one of my kids asked them a few questions how they felt about the adoption and how our family worked.

THey may have been a little traumatized about my cleaning frenzy before she came, but the homestudy was gentle and family friendly.

I will admit I was trying to coach my kids a little before she came, I was trying to get ds 3 to tell her his name when asked. He kept saying he was going to tell her his name was BUTT. Thankfully when she asked he got this huge grin on his face and told her his real name.

Honestly I was worried because we have a large family and we homeschool but she was willing to work with us and our baby girl should be ours by christmas.

Sheri