I am bitter and I need help getting over it.

[Denisemomof4]

I have put up with FAR too much to keep peace in the neighborhood but my patience has worn out. And I am struggling with bitterness. Please no lecture on that part, but helpful advice is greatly appreciated.

 

I hate my "neighbors.". I put it in quotes because i really have nobody within eyesight of my home and I am fortunate that I really only see the Nasty Old Hag a handful of times per year. Still, I am simmering and I really, REALLY need to get over myself. I love my home and love where I live. I will NOT let nasty, miserable people drive me away, and again, I really don't see them that much.

 

We bought our house 16 years ago. The Nasty Old Hag in the house beyond ours, the last house on the street, was mean and nasty from the day we moved in. I tried very hard with her, taking her to lunch, inviting her and her husband to dinner, etc. I gave up YEARS ago when she PURPOSELY drove through a mud puddle and sprayed mud all over dd12. I remember her stopping once and seeing dd when she was an infant, got really quiet, her face turned nasty, then she said, "She's cute." It almost appeared she was angry that my baby was beautiful? :confused: Anyway, I was LIVID at her crossing the line and spraying dd with mud. She was yelling (who knows what she was upset about that time. she LOOKS for problems!) and dd was very scared. I finally told her, "Look! You're scaring my dd" and she went on and on. I finally gave in and called her a FB. Not a good moment for me but what she did to dd REALLY crossed the line. Oh, that made her fly over the edge so we just walked away and she sped off, coming VERY CLOSE to us. I should have called the police on her that day!

 

The only thing I can think of why she has it out for me is because she is jealous. Her husband is an alcoholic, although I believe sober now for years since the big accident. She was the sole breadwinner for the family and her husband was in and out of jobs, shoveling sidewalks in his 40's, sleeping all day, odd jobs here and there, etc. Then one day he was driving his tractor on the road, drunk out of his mind AGAIN (I think he drank as a way to escape the Nasty Old Hag he is stuck with !), and he rolled the tractor and lost a leg. The neighbor immediately calls me to tell me what happened and asked where our property line was. Yes, she would not think twice about suing us if she ever could. She is so miserable that she ALWAYS has this mean scowl on her face with me. :001_huh: They have stolen from us and taken advantage of us and we are D-O-N-E with them now.

 

She called the police on us two weeks ago. I was SHOCKED to see them drive down our driveway. She complained about our dogs running in the road. Now I was working on the problem. We got our puppy neutered a couple of months early (9 months) in the hopes this would stop that behavior but it didn't. Now I know this isn't right, and we WERE working the issue! BUt the neighbor called totally nasty and dh, who has the patience of a saint, laid into her. Not because of why she was calling but because she was so NASTY. I have to point out (and some of you won't care but farming commuities work differently than neighborhoods. Trust me.) that we live on a one lane dirt road which was actually used as a goat path. We own the our entire side of the road!!! I know when the neighbors leave for work and I do not let my dogs out at that time. Apparently they did chase their car a few times and were seen in their yard. Another thing I want to point out is that there are three farms in a row, ours being the last, and then her house. There is a new house down the road who's dogs were also chasing the cars. What did I do? Try to get them in the yard. What did I do when the other neighbors dog came to our home for YEARS AND YEARS? Drove it home a mile away. I've had other people's llamas, cows and horses in my yard and have even had to call them at 2:00 in the morning to come get them before they ran away. I have always been gracious.

 

NOT THIS MISERABLE, NASTY OLD HAG!!!! Dh did tell her that we had ordered an electric fence. We did. We installed it a weeek ago. We have been doing training on it. But still, since he lost his cool with her, she was NOT going to have ANYONE stand up to her so she called the police on us. I am 100% certain she did this out of anger, not over the dogs. She proceeded to complain about my pigs breaking out and running on the road. Hey jack@ss, get over yourself. That was THREE YEARS AGO. The police told us all of this. Oh, and they kindly started out by telling us they are well aware of the fact that there is NO LEASH LAW IN OUR TOWN.

 

I am sorry for my tone. I told you I am bitter.

 

Anyway, the last time was THE last straw. I am absolutely DONE with them and will NOT be gracious and kind when I ever see them again. Never. If she says a WORD to me, I will let her know exactly what I think of her.

 

Anyway, I need help getting over this. When I drive down the road to get out I literally grit my teeth hoping I do not see this miserable idiot.

 

And EVERY SUMMER I relive my anger when I pass the neighbor half a mile down the road. While I was on vacation 6 years ago, she dug up all my flowers and planted them in her yard! Nasty Old Hag told me. She SAW it. I'm sure she just wanted to see an argument. I said nothing because I couldn't prove it. And it is obvious. Mine are all gone, same flowers are growing in her yard.

 

I want my joy returned. We have tons of trails we can access right from our driveway. We do a TON of nature walks. I find myself not going on them because I don't want to see anyone. I need to get over myself because moving from a home we really love is NOT an option because of a few miserable people.

:bigear:

Edited September 4, 2012 by Denisemomof4

[Mom-2-7]

Oh my goodness! What a truly awful person. Is she like this to others or has she singled out your family for her hatred? I have no advice because I struggle in that area too but I want to send you

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

and to give this a bump.

[Remudamom]

That's unbelievable. I understand about farm dogs. I wouldn't think of not letting my dog have the run of the place.

 

Flower stealing would be grounds for bodily harm for me. I love my garden.

 

Sorry you have such a $h!tty neighbor.

[Unicorn.]

Next time she steps foot on your property, shoot her for tresspassing. Then I can come be your neighbor, and your dogs can run in the road and in my yard all they want! The pigs too if they feel like it. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I wish I had some sage advice for you. I'd go hit the trails and take my life back.

[Denisemomof4]

Oh my goodness! What a truly awful person. Is she like this to others or has she singled out your family for her hatred? I have no advice because I struggle in that area too but I want to send you

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

and to give this a bump.

 

thanks so much!

 

I have seen her talking to other neighbors periodically. This really surprises me. She also appears friendly with the library staff.:confused: She has worked there as a second job for years. I know she has a lot of pressure to provide for her family.

 

She was very involved with the PTA when her dd was in school in town. When she left there was an article in the paper thanking her for her volunteer work, but it did mention that she never was one at a loss for words and was known to get her point across always. I knew exactly what the article was saying..... but in a very nice way.

 

I am the only SAHM in the area She told me years and years ago that I should get a job so I had something in my life.:confused:

[Unicorn.]

ikd why it double posted

[Denisemomof4]

and I will say that her dd, in her 20's, graduated college and is living at home. She also works at the library. She is just as awful nasty as her mom, and I have heard her MANY times having toddler temper tantrums and screaming. At this age. The apple truly does NOT fall far from the tree.

 

When the girl was younger, she told me that she never had friends in town because everyone was jealous of her and called her a spoiled brat. She acts like a spoiled brat. Even today.

[Denisemomof4]

Next time she steps foot on your property, shoot her for tresspassing. Then I can come be your neighbor, and your dogs can run in the road and in my yard all they want! The pigs too if they feel like it. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I wish I had some sage advice for you. I'd go hit the trails and take my life back.

 

I wish you were my neighbor!!!

 

I *KNOW* I need to do this, and I usually know when I can go out and not encounter them. But I am just.......... I am just so angry still.

 

And I *SWEAR* I saw her swerve to TRY to hit our dog the other day.

 

There are many dogs who run through the neighborhood irregularly. Mine included. 95% of the time they are in my yard and I can see them.

[Jeannie in NJ]

maybe she is jealous that you are able to be a SAHM while she works 2 jobs. I have gotten this jealousy from some working out of the home women.

[1bassoon]

Neighbor issues &uck.

 

We had neighbors verbally attack and abuse us at a town hearing about our home-based small business. It was horrible. It took me over 2 months to be able to go for a walk on our small, cul-de-sac street after that happened.

 

I can't even imagine what you're dealing with.

 

Sorry.

[Heidi]

Anyway, I need help getting over this. I want my joy returned. :bigear:

 

The only way you get that joy back is if you continue to forgive her and serve her until you can love her, even if she continues to be ugly. Otherwise, you'll always carry that weight of anger.

 

I bet it would make her furious if you showered her doorstep with a plate of cookies and a kind note every week, or an uber-happy smile and enthusiastic wave whenever you saw her ;) Get her back with kindness. It will make you feel better. And really, what is the alternative?

 

You could send her a note saying,

 

"Thanks for sending the cops over the other day. We had a friendly chat about how there is not a leash law in (your county). It was very educational, and the cops were so kind. I think you would really like them too. Maybe I can return the favor someday.

Enjoy the brownies!

 

LOVE,

 

Your neighbor"

 

:lol:

[sbgrace]

Yuck. I'm sorry.

 

Honestly? Forgiveness. It will destroy you in some measure if you don't. Not easy and I don't say it lightly. I've had to forgive deep intentional hurts when the person wasn't changing. It was incredibly difficult and I needed God's help...I guess God's words on the necessity of forgiveness was my primary motivation at the time but I didn't want to be a bitter person.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[MooCow]

maybe she is jealous that you are able to be a SAHM while she works 2 jobs. I have gotten this jealousy from some working out of the home women.

:iagree:

[MooCow]

The only way you get that joy back is if you continue to forgive her and serve her until you can love her, even if she continues to be ugly. Otherwise, you'll always carry that weight of anger.

 

I bet it would make her furious if you showered her doorstep with a plate of cookies and a kind note every week, or an uber-happy smile and enthusiastic wave whenever you saw her ;) Get her back with kindness. It will make you feel better. And really, what is the alternative?

 

You could send her a note saying,

 

"Thanks for sending the cops over the other day. We had a friendly chat about how there is not a leash law in (your county). It was very educational, and the cops were so kind. I think you would really like them too. Maybe I can return the favor someday.

Enjoy the brownies!

 

LOVE,

 

Your neighbor"

 

:lol:

 

You are very wise!

[delaney]

I just wanted to say that I deal every day with a nasty bitter woman, her lazy husband, and their 2 nasty kids every day. The are scum and we don't live on large property. :grouphug:

I have wanted to leave this house for some time now and it makes me sick because we built this house and it is our dream home. They moved in years later and have robbed us of our peace. 9 times in the past 5 years she has called the police on us and never have they been able to even give us a warning because her stories are all lies.

I completely understand feling like a victim of someone's jealousy and anger. I am bitter as well.

[KungFuPanda]

Go to the library and get "The Sociopath Next Door.". Proceed from there.

[Anne in CA]

I am sorry. Just to commiserate I will share that I live in fear that my father's neighbors will kill him every day. They told my aunt that they would shoot him if she didn't give them her windmill money (long story but the windmill money belonged to my father and my sisters).

 

People think the country is peaceful, but my father has four neighbors and only one is remotely trustworthy. They other's steal anything he doesn't nail down and threaten to kill him. Ugh. But my father won't move, so I cant do a thing about it. I am afraid to visit him. Partly because they are always booby trapping his driveway so it is a 50/50 chance of getting a flat tire any time you drive down the road.

 

Unfortunately a lot of very bad people move to the country to avoid close neighbors and city police. It is the real rural America in many places.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm so, so sorry.:grouphug: I was where you are not long ago with my crazy neighbor from heck. She got the police involved in every nonexistent issue she could think of. Thankfully she got herself evicted.

 

I do know that for while I was letting my anger and frustration consume me and it was affecting my interactions with my kids and my dh. It was even coloring how I dealt with strangers...I was becoming the bitter old hag!

 

I finally just let it all go. I started laughing at her antics and at how ridiculous and pathetic she was. The only real power she had over me was what I was giving her so I just stopped giving it. I lived my life in spite of her. My dh often reminded me to keep it in perspective. Could she take away our income, could she ruin our health (without us allowing her to through stress), could she take our children from us, could she take our home from us, what about taking our faith? No, she could do nothing of any real importance...she was a gnat. The police knew she was a wacko, so we didn't have to worry about them.

 

I hope you can find a way to wade through the bitterness. My heart hurts for you because I know how hopeless the situation can seem. Don't let her have that control though. Take it back and find your joy again in spite of her old haggidness (yes, I just made that word up). :grouphug::grouphug:

[misidawnrn]

Build the biggest fence you can that faces her house and paint really really ugly camo or something on the side that she would see. Then drink a cup of tea and be glad you aren't in her Nasty Ugly Crappola-of-a-life shoes.

[Denisemomof4]

The only way you get that joy back is if you continue to forgive her and serve her until you can love her, even if she continues to be ugly. Otherwise, you'll always carry that weight of anger.

 

I bet it would make her furious if you showered her doorstep with a plate of cookies and a kind note every week, or an uber-happy smile and enthusiastic wave whenever you saw her ;) Get her back with kindness. It will make you feel better. And really, what is the alternative?

 

You could send her a note saying,

 

"Thanks for sending the cops over the other day. We had a friendly chat about how there is not a leash law in (your county). It was very educational, and the cops were so kind. I think you would really like them too. Maybe I can return the favor someday.

Enjoy the brownies!

 

LOVE,

 

Your neighbor"

 

:lol:

I've done the baked goods thing more than once. Pan of lasagna, too. DONE with that.

 

The letter suggestion is BRILLIANT!!!!! LOVE it!!!

[Denisemomof4]

I just wanted to say that I deal every day with a nasty bitter woman, her lazy husband, and their 2 nasty kids every day. The are scum and we don't live on large property. :grouphug:

I have wanted to leave this house for some time now and it makes me sick because we built this house and it is our dream home. They moved in years later and have robbed us of our peace. 9 times in the past 5 years she has called the police on us and never have they been able to even give us a warning because her stories are all lies.

I completely understand feling like a victim of someone's jealousy and anger. I am bitter as well.

 

I am really sad to hear that. I hope they don't drive you from the house you built.:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

Go to the library and get "The Sociopath Next Door.". Proceed from there.

 

:lol::lol::lol: shoukd I put on her doorstep with cookies? and a BFF card?:D

[Denisemomof4]

I am sorry. Just to commiserate I will share that I live in fear that my father's neighbors will kill him every day. They told my aunt that they would shoot him if she didn't give them her windmill money (long story but the windmill money belonged to my father and my sisters).

 

People think the country is peaceful, but my father has four neighbors and only one is remotely trustworthy. They other's steal anything he doesn't nail down and threaten to kill him. Ugh. But my father won't move, so I cant do a thing about it. I am afraid to visit him. Partly because they are always booby trapping his driveway so it is a 50/50 chance of getting a flat tire any time you drive down the road.

 

Unfortunately a lot of very bad people move to the country to avoid close neighbors and city police. It is the real rural America in many places.

 

Oh my gosh! That is HORRIBLE!!!! They can be arrested for criminal threatening. I don't know if your father should stir the pot, though.

 

Makes my neighbir look like a princess.

[Denisemomof4]

I'm so, so sorry.:grouphug: I was where you are not long ago with my crazy neighbor from heck. She got the police involved in every nonexistent issue she could think of. Thankfully she got herself evicted.

 

I do know that for while I was letting my anger and frustration consume me and it was affecting my interactions with my kids and my dh. It was even coloring how I dealt with strangers...I was becoming the bitter old hag!

 

I finally just let it all go. I started laughing at her antics and at how ridiculous and pathetic she was. The only real power she had over me was what I was giving her so I just stopped giving it. I lived my life in spite of her. My dh often reminded me to keep it in perspective. Could she take away our income, could she ruin our health (without us allowing her to through stress), could she take our children from us, could she take our home from us, what about taking our faith? No, she could do nothing of any real importance...she was a gnat. The police knew she was a wacko, so we didn't have to worry about them.

 

I hope you can find a way to wade through the bitterness. My heart hurts for you because I know how hopeless the situation can seem. Don't let her have that control though. Take it back and find your joy again in spite of her old haggidness (yes, I just made that word up). :grouphug::grouphug:

Aime, this is EXCELLENT. Really awesome. Thank you SO much!:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. I need to get over myself because I can NOT let her steal my joy.

 

Oh, and guess what? I can put my MANURE PILE anywhere I want on my property! I think I need to move it.;)

[A.Balaban]

Build the biggest fence you can that faces her house and paint really really ugly camo or something on the side that she would see. Then drink a cup of tea and be glad you aren't in her Nasty Ugly Crappola-of-a-life shoes.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

:grouphug:

 

At our old apartment, we had a crazy upstairs neighbor. He was very hostile towards DH. He even tried to come in our apartment one day when he thought DH wasn't home & I was on vacation with the kids. When we were moving out, he apologized and said he wished things had been better between us. :confused:

 

The whole experience, dragged on over only 3 years, has made me very wary of meeting people and new experiences.

[5LittleMonkeys]

 

Oh, and guess what? I can put my MANURE PILE anywhere I want on my property! I think I need to move it.;)

 

Perfect! I might even name that pile of manure "The Old Hag". That brings up all kinds of funny images..."Hey honey, I'm go'in to dump another pile onto the Old Hag, be back in a bit!"

 

Laughter is good.:D

[Denisemomof4]

Perfect! I might even name that pile of manure "The Old Hag". That brings up all kinds of funny images..."Hey honey, I'm go'in to dump another pile onto the Old Hag, be back in a bit!"

 

Laughter is good.:D

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

On top of each pile I will put a sign with a word from Mergath's response to my other thread (looking for a word to use in place of b!tch) and then I will place quotes from this MOST AWESOME site Mrs. Mungo linked: http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?

 

Fishwife, thou ogress, Thou art some fool, I am loathe to beat thee.:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[5LittleMonkeys]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

On top of each pile I will put a sign with a word from Mergath's response to my other thread (looking for a word to use in place of b!tch) and then I will place quotes from this MOST AWESOME site Mrs. Mungo linked: http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?

 

Fishwife, thou ogress, Thou art some fool, I am loathe to beat thee.:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Love it! Here's to hoping the breeze always blows in the right direction.;)

[Hikin' Mama]

Aargh! You might be bitter, but I think you're handling it better than I would.

:grouphug:

[Incognito]

Your neighbor does sound like a real piece of work.

 

If you do actually want to get beyond being bitter, finding a nice pity-inducing name instead of what you have for her would be a start. Something like "Trapped by her own Bitterness Neighbor". Then it could motivate you not to turn to that feeling too.

 

I don't know if you really want advice, though. I can understand the need to vent. I'm sorry you have this difficult situation to deal with.

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's no wonder you're bitter. Who wouldn't be? The woman sounds horrible.

[Truscifi]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. I need to get over myself because I can NOT let her steal my joy.

 

Oh, and guess what? I can put my MANURE PILE anywhere I want on my property! I think I need to move it.;)

 

:lol::lol::lol: I agree with laughing at her. And calling the cops on her if she does anything remotely threatening again!

 

We are currently having neighbor drama with our nasty old hag neighbor - over our pigs too. We have lived next to her for 10 years, during which time she has never been particularly pleasant, but we never had any real issues with her either. Before we got pigs I talked to her about it, and she said it was fine with her. Her son lives with her and set up a shooting range in their back yard, which he asked us about first and we said was fine. So not a terrible relationship, right? Well, apparently now she is tired of the pigs being next door, so she called the county and filed a complaint. Her issue is the smell - which I admit can be rough when it is very hot out, but we work hard to minimize it most of the time. It has gotten a bit worse this month because I'm so pregnant I can't help with much and dh can only do so much on his off days. And she didn't talk to us first, express any concerns, nothing. AND did it 2 weeks before the baby is due. :glare: Unfortunately, the county statutes were recently changed and we are now 1 pig over the limit for our property, so we may have to send one to freezer camp early because of this.

 

Dh says he is moving the manure pile and the compost to the side of the property closest to her house as soon as the county says we are in compliance. Then she won't notice the smell from the pigs so much! :tongue_smilie:

[dbmamaz]

ugg, so sorry but this is another good lesson for me today. I dont have it so bad. I just have neighbors who call the county on me any time a single blade of grass is over 12 inches high . .. . i have had an injury and been unable to weed my flower beds and they are overgrown with weeds. we've had 2 visits this year, and one 3 years ago when we took down some trees and hadnt fixed up the mess yet. i guess i cant complain . .. you've definitely got it worse

[Denisemomof4]

Love it! Here's to hoping the breeze always blows in the right direction.;)

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

[justLisa]

I have a couple old nasty hags in the house behind ours. Their doormat says "go away." I totally feel your pain. I had to suck it up and be sickeningly nice to them AND take care of their landscaping that borders our property because they let turn in to a giant weed fest if I don't. Ugh. I HATE being the better person sometimes, but it actually turned out to make me feel better. I think I have actually forgiven them for the wretched thing they did to us.

[KungFuPanda]

Wow! Our yard is currently a weed-fest. I'm thankful for neighbors who have more important things to think about.

[justLisa]

Wow! Our yard is currently a weed-fest. I'm thankful for neighbors who have more important things to think about.

 

I don't mean your average neglected yard and there is more to the story. No need to be defensive. I could care less about how people maintain their yards. This literally IS our yard, technically their property. Long story.

[J-rap]

Sorry, that sounds awful! I hate it when things like that are sooo...unfair! You try and do the right thing and be a good neighbor, and nothing helps. I only once had someone like that in my life. It was a co-worker and I knew she was lonely and not a very happy person. I always made a point of stopping to visit with her, invite her to lunch, etc. When she was hospitalized, I was the only one to visit her (and I brought flowers to boot!).

She hated me, spread rumors about me, and did everything she could do bring me down. I was young and clueless, but since then, I've learned that jealousy + an unhealthy mindset can really bring about bizarre, distorted behavior.

 

Really, I don't think I'd bother to write a letter or try and talk about things. (At least not now.) She seems too irrational.

 

I think I would just try really hard to let it go. I would pray about it, and really try hard to give it over to God. I would remind myself that she is that way (probably) due to a number of bad circumstances in her own life. I would remind myself that the love of God is so big and amazing, that I can let go of something like that which would only bring me down, and appears to be out of my hands.

 

I'm not saying it would be easy, but that's what I would try and do.

[ChristyB in TN]

Pray for her, put it on you schedule. Even if you don't pray, send her all the blessings and love you can. Pray for her health, well being, happiness, and that all around her will be wonderful. Do nice things for her and make sure she doesn't know. It works every time. You can't control her or change her. Just change your feelings and you won't be bitter. :001_smile:

[KungFuPanda]

I don't mean your average neglected yard and there is more to the story. No need to be defensive. I could care less about how people maintain their yards. This literally IS our yard, technically their property. Long story.

 

 

I'm sorry. I should have separated those. The 'Wow' was for the crazy stories, and I mentioned our weeds because I'm grateful we don't have people perched at their windows with the cops on speed dial. It wasn't about you. Your story just reminded me that we DO need to weed everything.

[celticmom]

:grouphug: No suggestions just :grouphug:. Of course if you do decide to move it is nice down here. There is an empty house next door.

[Rebel Yell]

Oh, and guess what? I can put my MANURE PILE anywhere I want on my property! I think I need to move it.;)

LOVE THIS!

 

Unfortunately, the county statutes were recently changed and we are now 1 pig over the limit for our property, so we may have to send one to freezer camp early because of this.

 

Dh says he is moving the manure pile and the compost to the side of the property closest to her house as soon as the county says we are in compliance. Then she won't notice the smell from the pigs so much! :tongue_smilie:

 

Freezer camp! Oh my gosh that is hysterical!

 

make sure you do a study on wind patterns to maximize the likelihood that it will have the intended effect. make it a unit study for the kids.

 

OK- I feel so much better about my neighbors now. How sad. :grouphug:

[StephanieZ]

OMG, what a monster!!!!

 

You poor thing!

 

I think the only thing you can do is to avoid her as much as humanly possible. If you see her in the road, roll up your windows, look the other way, (no, don't swerve to kill her!), and think happy thoughts! If she calls, either don't answer or hang up.

 

She is a monster, and nothing you can do will change her. Just keep your distance, and pretend that she doesn't exist.

 

The challenge is to "compartementalize" her and be able to not let her nastiness foul your own serenity. THAT is the trick! When you figure it out, please write a book -- b/c I'll buy it!

 

((hugs))